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 Dino Squad pre-fanfic scene
Posted: Feb 12 2008, 09:21 PM

"Be prepared, Snappy boy. Your luck has run out..."

Group: Member +
Posts: 6,914
Member No.: 74
Joined: 9-April 06

For a couple months now I have been working on a Dino Squad fanfic. It is over 150 pages long so far and I'm not even close to being done with it yet. I don't know how long it'll take me to finish it. A few months perhaps. I currently have no name for the fanfic, and likely won't until near the end of the story.

I was looking through some old PMs on another board and came across a scene I wrote based on this fanfic. This scene predates the time when I started writing the actual story. During this time, the fanfic was just a series of ideas me and a friend of mine, EbonyPatriot, were sharing with each other. After writing a scene of his own (which I sadly no longer have) I wrote this scene as a continuation, after being encouraged by EP.

I've decided to share this experimental scene on this board as a preview for the fanfic. However in the actual fanfic this scene will be modified to some degree. I'm hoping to keep the story at least PG-13. When it's completeted I'll post the story on GOF in chapters.

Anyway here is the scene:

The thought message played out through each of the young teenagers' minds, and then came total silence. The green raptor stared at them, her eyes slightly downcast, her legs still trembling. It hurt her to have to tell them this. She hated to see anyone in pain, and she had grown close to the kids. To an extent she even thought of them as her own children, and now one of them is lying dead before her. She couldn't control the sharp pangs of guilt rising up inside her heart.

Fiona's massive legs shook slightly, shaking her massive head slightly. She looked down at Caruso. He hadn't moved, regardless of what they did. She leaned in closer. Her sense of smell was weaker than Max's in dinosaur form, so whatever smell that bothered Max earlier went unnoticed by Fiona. She pressed her head against Caruso's side and attempted to nudge him gently. 'Get up. Just...get up..' She pleaded to the still stegosaurus.

Rodger joined in, prodding Caruso gently with one of his horns. 'It's time to go. We have to leave before Victor shows up. Caruso!'

'This joke isn't funny anymore, Caruso.' Max scolded. He held his breath as he pushed against Caruso's side a little roughly, hoping it would wake him up. But he just laid there as if he felt nothing. Max's head snapped back as he recalled Moynihan's words only moments before. 'No..'

Buzz came in close, and opened up his long pterosaur beak and shrieked. The call was almost loud enough for anyone in the warehouse to hear, making the others wince in pain from the volume. He did this with his beak next to Caruso's head. Surely, no matter what deep of a sleep he was in, he would hear that and wake up. But the punk teenager's heart sank when the young boy didn't budge a centimeter. 'Why isn't he waking up?'

Ms. Moynihan sighed, and approached them by a couple steps. She did not dare get too close to Caruso. It would just be too painful. 'He's gone...' She bowed her long head. 'We're too late...' She said, despair laced in her thought-voice.

'No...that isn't true!' Fiona said desperately. 'He can't be dead! It..can't be...'

'Maybe he's just sleeping...' Rodger suggested sullenly. His hopes were starting to fade. He trusted Moynihan's words. She was a raptor, and she would have been familiar with the scent of death. But, somewhere inside, he prayed that, for once, she could be wrong. He looked at Caruso's still form, and closed his eyes.

'M-Maybe we could try harder to wake him...' The female spinosaurus suggested.

The bright green pteranodon shook his head. 'If my call didn't work, I don't know what will.'

'CARUSO! WAKE UP!' Max suddenly shouted, his massive tyrannosaurus rex head up against the stegosaurus's head. 'I'M ORDERING YOU TO WAKE UP! DO YOU HEAR ME?! OPEN YOUR EYES!'

But Caruso still lay there, as still as a rock. Max slowly turned his head to the dinosaur's side, where the ribs were. His small eyes focused here, waiting, watching. But nothing had changed. A sharp pain fell into his head. 'He-He...he's not breathing...' He announced, his jaws trembling as he thought-spoke this.

'What...?' Rodger said, looking up at Max. 'Are you..sure..?' He knew what the answer was going to be. And he knew it would be hard for him to take, even if he already knew it to be true.

'His ribs..aren't moving..' Max said sullenly, his massive head now bowed like Moynihan's was. Why hadn't they moved faster? Why couldn't they have found him faster? Why did it take so long to find this warehouse? These questions went through the jock's mind, making him feel guilty.

Buzz laid his head on Caruso's side. He shuddered. 'He feels cold...' As he pressed his head harder, he tried to hear a heartbeat. But his blood ran cold when all he heard was silence. '..and he doesn't have a pulse...'

'We could have saved him...' Rodger said bitterly. He was angry mostly with himself. 'We could have stopped Victor from catching him in the first place. He was right there in front of us! But we failed...' He changed back into his human form. He hung his head, his face in his hand. “The one time he really needed us, we weren't there...we failed.”

Max looked at Caruso, and sighed. He remembered all the times he was harsh with the vain boy. One time he remembered so well was when Caruso was out trying to catch Rump. When they believed Caruso was in trouble, he had threatened him... But now... Max regretted his actions. At least Caruso was all right then. But this time was different. Caruso had been in danger, and help came too late. He was supposed to be the leader...

Max and the others detransformed back into their human state, and stared at the ground. They couldn't believe this was really happening. Someone they cared about just died, and they weren't around to comfort him..they weren't around to even try to save his life. “I..I wonder if he thought we didn't care about him...” Max said, his voice filled with pain. “Maybe he thought we abandoned them...”

“No...” Moynihan shook her head, trying to hold back her tears. “He wouldn't dare thing such a thing. “He knew we loved him, and would do anything to get him back.” She placed a comforting hand on Max's shoulder.

Max sighed, and bowed his head. “I..hope so.”

* * *

Darkness...darkness everywhere, and it was all he could see. He hung his head. Although he felt no more physical pain, his mental pain was unbearable. The things he had been put through, all the pain he suffered..he believed he would never get over them. What young teen would?

And to think his own friends didn't save him. Could Victor had been right? Had they really abandoned him? Was he just too much trouble? No! No, he shouldn't think like that. Of course they would have tried to save him. He was a team member, a good friend. They wouldn't deliberately abandon him like that... Victor had to be wrong.

Then he heard something, out of the darkness. He turned his head, and began to hear faint voices. “Guys...?” He moved further into the darkness that surrounded him, and he could see a small light. And there, from within, he could hear the shouts of his friends. They were trying to wake him up.

“Guys! I'm here! Can't you hear me?” He shouted, but his voice fell on deaf ears. “Please...please hear me! Help me! Don't leave me here alone!” Caruso could feel tears streaming down his face. He started to run now towards the light, but it kept on moving away from him... “HELP ME PLEASE!” He screamed as he collapsed on the ground, the light seemingly taunting him. “Please...”

* * *

“It's no use...” Buzz said. “He's dead...” Dead...that very word made his heart freeze.

“It's no use...” Buzz said. “He's dead...” Dead...that very word made his heart freeze.

“We can't give up. There's got to be something...” Fiona said before she felt Rodger's large hand on her shoulder.

“Fiona...he's dead...There's nothing we can do.” The african american said solemnly.

“I...” Fiona stopped, and looked at Caruso's body. Her eyes widened as she saw a faint glow. “Look!” The remaining Dino Squad watched as the pale light engulfed Caruso, and, in a flash, the body shrunk down, revealing the human form of Caruso. “He changed back...he must be alive!” Fiona said, hope rising in her.

“We should get him back to the lighthouse.” Max said, walking over to pick up Caruso. “He must have sustained a lot of injuries.”

Buzz smiled. “Maybe this means we will be able to have that video game duel after all.” Caruso had promised him he would play a video game match with Buzz if Buzz helped him study for an important exam he was going to have next week.

Ms. Moynihan placed a hand on Fiona's shoulder, making the tomboy whirl around, a smile plastered on her face. “There's still a chance.” She said happily. But Moynihan didn't share her enthusiasm. Her eyes were darkened with sorrow, and Fiona could tell she was fighting back the tears, though a single one did roll down her face from her left eye. “What's wrong..?”

Ms. Moynihan shook her head slowly. “He's dead.”

“No..he detransformed. He can't do that if he's dead.” Max insisted, not wanting his hopes to die again.

“Not unless he's a zombie.” Buzz joked, earning a glare from the others.

“Not now Buzz!” Fiona scolded before turned back to Moynihan. “What do you mean he's dead...? I thought..”

The old woman nodded her head. “Yes, I can see how you would believe that. But...” She sighed sadly. “That was just his Dino DNA dying.” She knew how hard this was going to be, but she had to tell him. It would be even more painful to live on false hopes and have them shattered much later on. “You see, the primordeal ooze can't survive long without a live host, and if the form it is in dies, the DNA dies as well, and they revert back to their original selves...” Oh how it hurt to break this to them.

“Y-You mean...” Buzz's smile faded. “Even if... He's still...?” He couldn't bring himself to say it.

“It can't be true... please tell me it's not true...” Fiona pleaded, gripping Ms. Moynihan's shirt.

“I wish I could... but I cannot. I'm sorry.” Ms. Moynihan said quietly as she wrapped her arms around Fiona and hugged her. “I'm so sorry...” Fiona couldn't hold back her tears any longer. As a flood of them streamed from her eyes, she hugged the old woman back, burying her face in her shoulder. The boys watched this with pain filled eyes.

Buzz glanced back at Caruso's still form, and his eyes widened in horror. How could they have not noticed it before? “Guys..look...” He pointed at something that ensnared Caruso's body.

Max and Rodger got closer, and gasped. There was some sort of contraption on their friend's body. It looked like a horse war bridle, but was clearly modified by Victor. Tight leather strapped around the boy's waist and shoulders, and wrapped around his head. Sharp spikes cluttered along his head, and when they looked closer still, they could see sparks...

“What the...” Buzz gasped.

“W-What is that..?” Max asked.

Ms. Moynihan and Fiona walked closer to see what the boys were talking about. When they saw what was on him, their mouths flew wide open. “Victor put that on him, no doubt.” Moynihan said with anger in her voice. “No doubt about that.”

Rodger inspected the contraption. “It must have been used to keep him in his stegosaurus form... This thing was designed to drive the spikes into his head and electricity through his system. In stegosaurus form, this wouldn't be a problem if no one pulled on it.” There was a thick rope that connected to the device. When pulled it drove the spikes in viciously. “But if he changed to human form, the device around his waist would pull, putting him through agonizing pain...”

“Caruso...what did that monster do to you...?” Fiona whispered as she knelt down by him. “Help me get this off of him...”

Fiona and Max transformed their teeth, Buzz and Rodger transformed their mouths into beaks, and Moynihan transformed her feet, baring her species' trademark sickle claw. Max and Fiona gripped the front of the contraption that fit around their friend's head while Moynihan used her claws to snape the rope that bound the contraption and Buzz and Rodger snipped at the leather that wound around Caruso's body.

When it finally snapped free, they changed back, and pulled off the leather straps and rope, and gently pulled the head piece off of him. When it was completely off, they were horrified by what lay underneath.

The contraption had dug so deep into the skin they could see the outline where it originally was. A long deep cut went around his forehead, along with puncture wounds where the spikes struck him and burn marks that scorched him. And if the bridle was not bad enough, for the first time they noticed just how ripped up his clothes looked, and they could see deep gashes in the boy, along his arms, side, legs, and even face. They could see dried blood stains all over his body, and bruises everywhere, as well as what appeared to be hundreds of small cuts.

“My god...” Ms. Moynihan gasped with horror.

“Caruso...” Fiona's lip trembled.

“I can't imagine..the pain he must have been through..” The jock put his face in his hand. “And we couldn't stop it...” He felt like sobbing now. “I'm sorry Caruso... I'm so sorry...” He began to tremble as he felt Moynihan's gentle embrace envelop him. He hugged her back.

“I..I just wish I could have told him how much I cared about much I loved him.” Fiona said, not caring who heard her. “It just isn't fair...”

“Victor won't get away with this...” Rodger said, his teeth gritted. “Mark my words. He'll pay...” His fist formed tightly, but he slowly relaxed when he felt Moynihan's hands touch his.

“We shouldn't think of such things now...” She said gently. “But don't worry. I can assure you Victor will not get away with this unpunished.”

Buzz closed his eyes, his body shaking, tears forming in his eyes. “I-I just can't believe anybody could be this cruel... To just put someone through so much pain..for no reason..” The sight of Caruso's torn body made his heart wrench. “He was just a kid... Do you hear me, Veloci?! He was just a kid!!” he shouted, then dropping to his knees. Max knelt down beside his punk friend, and put his hand on his shoulder.

“His death won't be in vain.” Max assured his green-haired friend, who wiped away his tear and smiled slightly at him.

Fiona wiped away a tear of her own. “I wish...I wish this was all a mistake... I wish Caruso was still alive...” She whispered. The others nodded in agreement with her. “I mean, surely he was a pain sometimes..but he didn't deserve THIS...” She glared at the horrible human bridle that had put her friend through so much pain.

Max suddenly thought of something. Back in class, he had learned about how, in the past, people were afraid of being buried alive because of insufficient technology to accurately predict death. He stared at Caruso's still form. He still didn't look like he was breathing, but what if he was breathing so shallow that...

“Ms. M!” He said, turning to their mentor. “Could you sniff closer?”

“Excuse me?” She asked.

“Could you sniff Caruso closer?” He asked.

The teacher shook her head. “He's dead... The scent of death mixes with his own.”

“But what if you're wrong?” Max asked, sounding determined. “What if it wasn't his scent of death?”

Fiona's eyes widened slightly. “Didn't you tell us how animals will sometimes roll in the scent of another to disguise their own scent?”

Rodger nodded. “Like how wolves roll in dirt and mud so they don't smell like wolves?”

Ms. Moynihan had recalled that. As a science teacher, she had taught students how animal scents will mix in with another scent if that animal had disguised it, and they can do this by rolling in the scent of another. She had a hard time believing that she could be wrong about this scent, although she did want to be wrong. She then recalled that the scent of death can mix with an animal that is still alive if they had come in contact with the dead for too long. She glanced at the children, who were looking at her, waiting for her answer.

“I'm not sure. It seems...” She began to say.

“Farfetched? I know.” Max finished for her. “But it's worth a try...”

“Yeah, come on, Ms. M.” Rodger said gently. “Max might be onto something.”

“What have we got to lose?” Buzz chimed in.

“I...” Moynihan started to say, but was interrupted by Fiona.

“Please...” The female anthropomorphic raptor turned to face the tomboy. “Just..give it a try.” Fiona begged her.

“All right.” The old woman agreed. “But I don't expect any good news.” She walked towards Caruso's beat up form, and transformed into her velociraptor self.

* * *

Caruso slowly got up to his feet, and started towards the light again. He could still hear his friends voices. He had heard them discover the device Victor had on him, he heard them talk of revenge, and he heard Max's idea of sniffing his body closer. As disturbing as it sounded, if it could prove he was still alive, he would be thrilled.

“Maybe they'll take me back to the lighthouse..where I'll be safe.” Safe...that was a word that definitely didn't describe his position for the past couple days. He was safe nowhere in this warehouse. Victor was on him almost all the time, either beating him up, slashing him, or torturing him with his experiments. He shuddered at the thought of it.

The light ahead flickered, as if it was dying out. Caruso's heart filled with fear. “No...” He summoned up what remained of his strength, and ran towards the light. This time, the light grew in size as he got closer. The light was almost unbearable to stare at. He jumped in the light, and was engulfed in warmth, and light instead of the dark and cold he was in just moments earlier.

“Don't worry guys. I'm coming..”

* * *

Moynihan dipped her snout close to Caruso's body, and sniffed a few times. At first, all she could detect was his scent mixed in with death's scent, nothing had changed. When she bent in even closer, her snout against his forehead, she noticed something. Caruso's scent was stronger than the scent of death. This would mean the scent of death was fading, which would only be possible if...he was still alive.

Moynihan didn't have the chance to give the good news. At that moment she saw Caruso's body twitch a bit. Slowly, his eyes opened up a crack, and he stared up at Ms. Moynihan. He weakly chuckled at the fact that her nose was against his head. With a feeble voice, he said, “What do you know...? I'm so handsome, I'm even attracting dinosaurs...”

Ms. Moynihan snapped her head back, her jaws open in a dinosaur grin. 'He's alive!' She declared before changing back. Unable to control herself, she wrapped her arms around Caruso, pulling him in a tight embrace.

“CARUSO!” The other kids joined in, glomping Caruso and holding onto him tightly.

“Oh Caruso..we thought we lost you..” Fiona said, tears strolling down her face once more.

“You gave us quite the scare.” Rodger said, ruffling the smaller boy's hair playfully.

“H-Hey..” Caruso managed to say, “D-Don't mess with my hair...”

“Don't you ever put us through that again! We thought you were dead.” Max said sternly, but his voice and his eyes said how relieved he was that his best friend was still alive.

“I guess this means you still have a chance at beating me at my own game, eh?” Buzz suggested, grinning. Caruso smiled weakly back.

His friends continued to hug him tightly for the next minute. At first Caruso welcomed it. The contact of his friends, after what he been through, felt good. But then he started to get some feeling back, and his friends were hugging so tightly now... He was having a hard time breathing.

“If you don't stop hugging me so tightly, I really am going to die..” He managed to say. Then Fiona accidentally touched one of Caruso's worst wounds. It was a deep gash in his side. It was the final wound he had received from Victor Veloci before the war bridle was put on him. It extended from under his left arm and went along his side and stopped at his hip.

Feeling sharp pain all of a sudden, Caruso screamed. “AAAH! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!”

Fiona quickly let go, looked very apologetic. “I'm so sorry!”

The others released Caruso, who fell back on his knees, shaking violently. “So much pain...” He managed to say. They could see tears streaming down his face, his hands curling up as he tried to bear it. “Too much pain...”

“Caruso..” Ms. Moynihan said gently. “Can you stand?”

“I'll try...” Caruso slowly climbed up to his feet. He managed to stand up, wobbling a bit, for a few seconds, then the pain in his wounds got worse, and he fell back down again. “OW!” He yelped.

Rodger and Max walked over to either of his sides and grabbed an arm. They gently pulled him up off the ground, letting him support his weight on them. “We have to get him out of here..” Max looked at Moynihan. “It'll take too long to walk back, and Caruso's in no condition to transform.. What should we do?”

“I can run the fastest. I'll carry him.” The elderly woman transformed into a velociraptor and walked up slowly to Caruso. Max and Rodger helped Caruso onto Moynihan's back. His arms wrapped around her slender neck and his feet dangled at both of her sides. 'I'll take him back to the lighthouse.' She told them. 'Transform and follow me.'

“But what about Victor?” Max asked angrily. “We aren't just gonna let him...”

'We can't think of revenge now.' Moynihan scolded him, her eyes narrowed slightly. 'Right now, getting Caruso to safety is more important.'

“Yeah, Max.” Rodger said. “We'll think of something later. Right now we need to treat Caruso's injuries.”

Max looked at the ground. “I suppose you're right.. I'm sorry.”

“Hey don't sweat it.” Buzz said happily. “Go dino!” Buzz said as his body changed into that of a pteranodon's. 'Time to fly!' He took to the air.

“Go dino!” Max, Fiona, and Rodger said in unison. In a flash of light, they were once again a tyrannosaurus rex, a spinosaurus, and styracosaurus. They took off after Buzz, Caruso, and Ms. Moynihan, leaving the warehouse behind.

'We'll have to call Caruso's parents when we get there.' Max said. 'They must know about this.'

'Boy are they going to be pissed off when they find out what Victor did to him.' Buzz said.

'I just hope they don't get any crazy ideas and go after Victor themselves. He's a dangerous adversary. They could get themselves killed.' Rodger said, concerned.

'Don't worry. I don't think they're dumb enough to do that.' Buzz chuckled mentally.

'That raptor won't get away with this, I can assure them that.' Max said darkly, his massive teeth bared even more.

And the Dino Squad disappeared from the scene.

From within the warehouse, where Caruso's cage lay, a figure casted a shadow over it. Victor walked over, and knelt down near the busted cage and broken bridle. He transformed into his raptor self, and gave the floor a few sniffs, carefully as if he was avoiding something. He lifted his head back up and turned towards where he could see a massive whole where the others must have broken in.

And he could smell Ms. Moynihan's scent closest to where Caruso's scent lay. He changed back into his human self, a nasty, sadistic grin on his face. “Perfect.. They played right into my trap..”

He gave out a laugh that echoed into the night, and the Dino Squad nearly froze, believing that they heard it as well. Caruso trembled as he heard Victor's horrible laugh, the same laugh he become too familiar with. He tightened his grip on Moynihan.

“..please don't let him get me...” He pleaded softly as they neared the lighthouse.
Posted: Feb 12 2008, 09:44 PM


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As always, this looks like a prelude to a very cool story. The only thing I noticed that might need changing was that you put the line It's no use...” Buzz said. “He's dead...” Dead...that very word made his heart freeze twice after the second break. Other than that, this is a very cool emotional scene. I hope to read more.
Posted: Feb 12 2008, 09:49 PM

"Be prepared, Snappy boy. Your luck has run out..."

Group: Member +
Posts: 6,914
Member No.: 74
Joined: 9-April 06

The scene is going to be rewritten, as I mentioned before. This is just an experimental scene and won't be in the final product. A similar scene will take its place.
Posted: Feb 12 2008, 09:52 PM


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It looks very good, very detailed and emotional, if this is just an experiemnt, I cannot wait to see the final product, keep it up DH! dino_happier.gif
Posted: Feb 13 2008, 01:21 AM

The Gang of Five
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Well written, though much darker then the episodes of the show I"ve seen so far. I wonder if someone will make a cheesy badly made platformer video game of the show if it gets popular enough.
Posted: Feb 13 2008, 08:08 AM

"Be prepared, Snappy boy. Your luck has run out..."

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Posts: 6,914
Member No.: 74
Joined: 9-April 06

Yeah the fanfic is supposed to be darker than the actual TV show.

This post has been edited by DarkHououmon on Feb 13 2008, 08:19 AM
Cancerian Tiger
Posted: Feb 20 2008, 11:30 PM

Look Within Yourself

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DH, your work is the best I've seen yet. My writing just can't compare doh1.gif. I've never seen Dino Squad, but this made me cry. You have such a way of being descriptive and the emotions are so powerful. I read your other fanfic, "Out of the Shadows," some time ago. It took me about a week to read that fic 'cuz it was so sad in-cry2.gif. I hope none of the gang ever suffer such a fate. You're a fantastic writer, and best wishes if you ever decide to publish anything in-yes.gif.
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