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 Darwin's Soldiers: Card of Ten., written by yours truly...
LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 4 2009, 03:42 PM


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From behind bars, James watched the stone faced guards take their places outside the holding cell. Then, he turned to Siberys and Neku and asked, “Can you guys pry open the bars with your powers?”

They looked at each other. “I don’t think we have powers any more,” said Neku.

“I tried to use mine back at the stage,” said Siberys. “No dice.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know.”

James looked back. “Well, we need to find a way out of here. Any ideas?”

“Shelton and the others are still out there. And we haven’t found Hawkeye, Kagetora, or Werner yet,” said Zachary.

“We need to find our equipment and use our radio,” said Siberys.

“And kill some Gamans while we’re at it,” snarled Snow.

“Now, let’s not get hasty,” said James. “If we can settle this peacefully, then that’s what we are going to—”

A door opened from outside the cell, and the king approached the jail.

Siberys jumped up. “You. Let us out.”

The king spread his arms apologetically. “I’m sorry, but you’re safer in there. The Sapaar attack is underway. We’re beating them back, but it’s a brutal fight.”

James cocked his ear. “I don’t hear anything. We’ll take our chances.”

“I’m afraid that’s not advisable.”

James was about to turn away in disgust, but spotted Zachary, who was out of the king’s sight, tearing the hem off of his lab coat. He frantically signaled James to stall.

“Wait, Gamas. Who are the Sapaar anyway? Where do they come from?”

“The darklands.” The king’s face grew pained. “The Sapaar are a misguided people, a pitiable race.”

“Why are they misled? Who do they follow?”

“They to live by Gamas’ teachings, but they do not believe Gamas wrote them. They believe he stole them from a being named Sapaar.”

“Who’s Sapaar?”

“That’s just it; there is no Sapaar. There couldn’t be. Gamas and Seska were the first humans; there was nobody there to steal from. It’s ludicrous. But the Sapaar do not listen to reason. And they don’t quit. Now, I must command my troops. Farewell.”

The king turned to go, but Zachary jumped forward, makeshift lasso in hand. Throwing the lasso through the bars, he roped the king around the neck and dragged him to the ground, gagging.

The guards ran forward, but Zachary held the loop tight. “Stop. Do what I say, or he dies.”

The guards stopped.

“Unlock this door, and put your weapons down,” he ordered.

They did so.

“Snow, don’t touch them,” James ordered, as he and Neku picked up the two guard spears.

“James,” said Zachary. “We need to know where the weapons are stored.”

James pointed the pointy end of the spear at the king’s throat. “Where’s our stuff being held?”

A minute later, the team left the cell and began sprinting down the left corridor.

At the specified corridor, the guards were startled to see a posse of angry scientists coming at them. One of them had just enough time to raise his staff. James parried high, then swiped low, knocking the guard’s feet out from under him. The other turned and started sprinting down the hallway.

“Snow, no!” ordered James, who was snarling and preparing to give chase. “Stand guard with Siberys!”

Snow reluctantly complied, and the others entered the room. Their equipment was sitting on a large table, and the light on one of the radios was beeping.

“This is Roy Hawkeye, I repeat, Lieutenant Roy Hawkeye. Does anybody read me?”

James picked up. “This is James. Hawkeye, you hear me?”

“Hello?”

“Hello? Hawkeye?”

“This is Hawkeye, to receiver. I have discovered you must depress the call button in order to communicate. Over.”

James let go of the call button. “Why do you have to do that?”

“Hello, James. I don’t know.” Hawkeye sounded strained. There were echoes of gunfire.

“Roy, what’s going on?”

“Kagetora and myself are holed up in a cave on a mountain side. We are under attack, but our attackers seem rather primitive. We are holding them off for now.”

“I wish I could help, but we’re attempting to escape a castle now.”

“A castle? We can see it from here. We will come to assist you. Hawkeye out.”

“Hawkeye, wait! Do you know anything about Werner?”

There was no reply.
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 5 2009, 11:39 PM


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Outside, even though the guard’s footsteps had long since faded, Snow continued to glare down the empty hallway.

“Frustrating, isn’t it?”

She looked back at Siberys. “You don’t know the half of it.”

“I think I do. They kidnap you and your mate, beat you, and parade you around like animals.”

Snow growled.

“But the worst part,” Siberys continued, “is that James won’t let you fight back.”

Snow’s hair bristled.

“But James isn’t here right now.” Siberys leaned in close and whispered, “I think like you do. Gaman deserves to be punished. Let’s give it what it deserves.”

Snow sprang up on all fours. “You mean it?”

Siberys picked the staff up from the unconscious guard. “Yes.”

Snow smiled, and charged down the hallway, Siberys behind her.
____________________________________________________________

Back at the rift, Shelton and Dr. Joe were setting up several information-recording devices. Lockdown stepped though the rift, lugging a half-meter rectangular control panel. He dragged it over to Shelton. “Is this right?”

Shelton looked up from his retinal scanner. “Aye. Put it over there.”

Lockdown looked at the various devices. “How do you know what they all do?”

“Trial and error. I think I’ve got a good hang of things. I’m picking up loads of data.”

“Are James’ and the others’ locations some of it?” interrupted Dr. Joe.

Shelton refocused the scanner. “No. I’ll get back to work.”

__________________________________________________________________
James, Zachary, and Neku exited the room with all the gear. “Where’s Snow and Siberys?” asked Neku.

“I don’t know,” said James, advancing cautiously.

Footsteps came from the other end of the hall. “James!” alerted Zachary.

Guards came around the corner, swords drawn and bows cocked.

James, Zachary, and Neku opened fire. The leading guards fell, but more came. Arrows whizzed past their heads as the swordsman moved to the back.

The three retreated down the hallway. More spilled from an adjacent hallway, forcing them to go an uncharted way.

“This way!” At the next intersection, James headed left. They saw a flight of stairs spiraling up.

With the high ground, they were able to hold the guards off until they reached the door at the top, a heavyset wooden slab. They piled through it, and barricaded it shut.

James looked around, panting. They were in a tower, showing the rest of the castle grounds below them. Junk, such as clothing, parchments, a trumpet, and some light arms, was stacked around the walls.

“Look!” said Neku, panting. They could see Snow and Siberys, attacking townsfolk in the courtyard below.

“What are they doing?” exclaimed James angrily. “I told them not to harm anyone unless absolutely necessary!”

“We need to get down there,” said Neku, watching Snow nervously. “We have to help them!”

“Might I recommend we head for him instead?” Zachary pointed at the king, who could be seen passing a window with a team of guards down a faraway corridor. “We capture him, we end this battle now.”

“Agreed,” said James.

Zachary grabbed the spare bow and began tying a rope around the shaft of an arrow. “Belts off, everybody. We’re going rope sliding.”

“But James,” protested Neku. “Snow is—”

“We can do more for Snow if we get the king to end this quickly,” said James. “Now give me the radio. I need to set something up.”



This post has been edited by LettuceBacon&Tomato on Aug 5 2009, 11:40 PM
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 6 2009, 08:22 PM


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A swordsman made a pass at Snow’s head. She rolled under the swipe, leapt on him, and clawed at his back.

Suddenly, a jab to her side flung her off the swordsman. The first of a wave of guards flipped her with his staff, sending her crashing back-first to the ground.

“Snow!”

The cry came from seemingly nowhere. All at once, every pair of eyes turned to look at three men attempting to scale from one tower to another on a rope.

______________________________________________________________

“Oh, crap.”

Zachary, James, and Neku saw at least a hundred bows from various places tilt up to aim right at them.

“Is it possible to slide faster?” asked James, though he knew the answer. “Neku, you really need to work on your timing!”

“Fire!” yelled someone from below.

Two rounds of arrows flew straight at them. James clutched his belt and shut his eyes.

When he opened them, the skies were clear, and Zachary was still ahead of him. “They shot too high!” Zachary yelled.

“Let’s hope we don’t tempt fate twice!”

Zachary hit the window sill on the other side and tumbled into the tower. James was right behind him.

He hit the ground and rolled. “Zachary, Neku, we did it!”

An empty belt slid in after him.

“Neku?”

James and Zachary stared at the tower window for a moment, until both heard a sound behind them.

“Freeze.”

A dozen guards were at the door, spears pointed right at James and Zachary.

“Come quietly,” the leader ordered. “Or die.”

_________________________________________________________

“Neku!”

Snow leapt to her feet. Others were running for the fallen figure, but she outstripped them all.

“Neku, are you okay? Neku…”

Neku wasn’t conscious.

“Neku, I’m so sorry…”

Snow looked up to see guards coming from all sides. She kept herself between them and Neku, but the circle was closing…
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 7 2009, 02:35 PM


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James and Zachary, hands on their heads, were marched in between the armed guards.

“Zach,” whispered James, “Neku. Is he—?”

“Possibly,” Zach whispered back. “There’s no way to know.”

“We need to get him back for medical help as fast as possible.”

“Of course. How do you propose we do that?”

James saw a flash of black to their left. “Get down!”

They hit the dirt as a black-robed figure burst out of the bushes, dual blades drawn, and felled three guards with one swipe. Simultaneously, gunfire erupted from the bushes. The remaining guards scattered, and James looked up to see Kagetora re-sheathing his katanas.

“James. Good to see you alive.” Hawkeye stepped out of the bushes, gun barrel still smoking.

James smiled. “Thanks to you. But we’re not out of the woods just yet. Follow me!”

James, Zach, Hawkeye, and Kagetora sprinted down the hallway.

_________________________________________________________________

Snow snarled, and snapped, but the spears grew closer and closer…

She heard the figure beside her groan. Neku was coming to.

“Neku, can you understand me?”

“Snow. Is that you?”

“Neku, get on my back now.”

“What?” he gasped. “It hurts all over…”

“Just do it!”

Neku reached up and grasped at the nape of her neck. Snow hoisted him the rest of the way on in a flash.

“Hold on!”

Bursting through the line of spears, Snow raced for safety.

“Where are we going?” Neku feebly asked.

“To find the others.”

“How?”

“I can smell them.” Snow gritted her teeth. “Just hold on. I can get you out of here.”

________________________________________________________________

“And I want extra guards posted at every entrance!” the king ordered his men. “I don’t want any one to get through!”

He and Seska, the young girl, were in the sealed room at the end of the castle.

“King Gamas?” asked Seska nervously. “Am I going to be okay?”

“You’re going to be fine. They can’t possibly beat triple protection at all three entrances,” said the king. But he still looked worried. He crossed to the bookcase.

“What are you doing?” asked Seska.

The king slid the bookcase open, revealing a secret passageway. “Just to be safe, my dear,” consoled the king, pushing the girl into the passageway, “If you hear anything unusual happening in this room, I want you to escape down this passage. Is that clear?”

The girl nodded, as the bookcase slid shut.

The king sighed gratefully, and turned around, to see Kagetora standing across the room.

“What?” he gasped, drawing back.

Kagetora shrugged. “There’s more than one way to get into a room,” he said.

James, Hawkeye, and Zachary dropped down from a newly made hole in the ceiling. “Gamas, I want you to call your men back now,” said James, firearm brandished.

“Don’t be preposterous. You’ll never get out alive!” the king scoffed.

James stepped forward, lowering the pistol. “All right, let’s be reasonable. I don’t want to cause any trouble, you don’t want any more trouble, and all I’m asking is the right to leave, which is what you want. So, just let us go.”

“I refuse.”

“King Gamas, I don’t want to use violence, but I will when it means getting my team home safely!”

“You’re bluffing. You wouldn’t dare harm me.”

“Oh yeah?” an unidentified sixth voice sneered. “Bluff this.”

The bookcase swung open, and inside was Siberys, with a knife to Seska’s throat.


This post has been edited by LettuceBacon&Tomato on Aug 7 2009, 02:35 PM
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Serris
Posted: Aug 7 2009, 10:02 PM


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This story is quite interesting and the fusion of Furry science fiction and medieval is unique.

However, I do not consider this story canon.
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Serris
Posted: Aug 10 2009, 11:37 PM


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Hmm. It's getting interesting.

I just wonder, since you haven't been updating it daily, has this story been finished?
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 11 2009, 12:05 AM


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No, it isn't. I thought nobody was reading it, so I had planned on letting it die. I'll keep going, though.
Also, Schrodinger's Prisoners is finished. I hope you liked it!
___________________________________________________________

“I won’t say this twice!” Siberys growled. “Call your men off, or she dies!”

The king gaped like a fish. James stepped forward. “Siberys, put the knife down.”

“You stay out of this, James!” he snapped. “I’m getting what we want. You,” he ordered the king, “order your men to stand down or I kill the girl.”

Seska looked fearfully at the king, then James, then back at the king.

“Okay!” the king exclaimed, “I’ll do it! What do you want me to do?”

James held out his radio. “Talk into this. Give your orders into this small box, and the men will hear it.”

The king took the radio and said, “Men, this is King Gamas. Stand down.”

His voice traveled from that radio to the one in the junk tower, which, using the trumpet as a megaphone, broadcast his words across the castle.

“You heard me right. Put down your weapons.” The king looked at Siberys. “Is that good?”

“Yeah,” Siberys said. But the knife didn’t move.

“All right, Siberys,” said James. “He did what you wanted, now drop the knife.”

Siberys didn’t move. “Now it’s your turn, James.”

“What do you mean?”

“Shoot the king.”

“What!?!”

“Either give me the gun, or shoot him yourself, and this girl lives!”

“Siberys, we can’t do that! You just promised to let the girl go!”

“A gun, James. Now.”

James didn’t move. “Siberys—”

“Last chance,” Siberys pressed the knife closer. “5…4…3…2…1…”

* * *
Snow tore down a hallway, Neku attempting to hang on. He was giving a slight yelp with every bound.

“Hold on; it’s that door there!”

Just as they reached it, a gunshot rang out from inside.

Both stopped. Snow cautiously pushed open the door.

Siberys was on the ground, dead.

“Siberys!” Snow gasped.

James re-holstered his pistol and looked at them. “Again, Neku. Your timing.”

Seska and the king were huddled in a corner. Zachary motioned to the open bookcase. “Shall we get out of here?”

James nodded. The team left the room and began hiking down the earthy tunnel.

“There’s light up ahead!” Zachary called out from the front.

Suddenly, a loud voice echoed from above the tunnel, sounding amplified as if from a loudspeaker.

“To all who can hear, this is King Gamas! The invaders attempted to kill Seska, and are now escaping! Flood the forests, search the fields! Don’t let them get away!”

James broke out in a run. “Let’s move it! Come on!”

The team bust out of the tunnel, finding themselves at the edge of the forests. They could see people charging them from the castle grounds.

“Faster!” James laid down cover fire, but knew he missed anything. The team sprinted for the bridge.

In the fields, more townsfolk came from all three sides, armed with knives, pitchforks, and clubs.

“Keep going! We’re almost there!”

At the bridge, Shelton looked up from his makeshift research station. “James! I have something really important to tell you!”

“Later, Shelton! Get this equipment through the gate!”

“I can’t do that! It was an act of Congress getting the stuff out here!”

“To late!” As townsfolk stormed their position, James pushed Shelton through the gate. The team followed suit.

Once they were all through, Lockdown shut the gate down. James got to his feet. “Where’s Vic? We have a medical emergency!”

Dr. Joe and Lockdown grabbed Neku ad helped him off to the infirmary, snow trailing worriedly behind them.

Shelton jumped to his feet, holding the view screen he had on Gaman. “I’ve got enough on here to show you what I’ve found out. Follow me.”
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Serris
Posted: Aug 11 2009, 12:16 AM


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I'm reading it and archiving it as well.

I absolutely loved [i]Schrodinger's Prisoners[i]. The twist at the end was totally unseen and the foreshadowing leading into Darwin's Soldiers II was perfectly placed.
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 11 2009, 06:28 PM


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This next section is really important, so pay close attention to what's being said. I'm going to explain it OOC at the end to make sure it's clear. This was the intended reason why this story can fit canon-wise with the rest of Darwin's Soldiers.
______________________________________________________________________
Shelton led Zachary and James to a room with a large projector set up, and showed them a large square diagram.

The diagram had a large jagged vertical line right down the middle. The left half was labeled “Matter universe.” The right half was labeled “Antimatter universe.” The lower left corner of the diagram showed a circle labeled ‘A.’ The lower right hand corner showed an identical circle labeled ‘B.’ The upper left hand corner had a concave ring labeled ‘C.’ Arrows connected A to B, B to A, and B to C.

“Now, I’m going to show you what happened step by step. We start off here, at A, matter Earth. As we go through the bridge, Lockdown changed the bridge into antimatter. But that’s not all. He changed us into antimatter as well.”

“Us?” James looked at himself. “I’m antimatter?”

“Not exactly. You’re not James.”

“I’m not?”

“None of us are ourselves. We’re antimatter copies, duplicates of the originals.”

“What happened to the originals?”

“Same as us. They got ejected out, only they wound up back in their universe, the matter universe. To them, the bridge looked like it just didn’t work and they could move on with their lives.”

“So where are we? Us duplicates, I mean.”

“Here, at point B. The antimatter Earth, at antimatter Pelvanida.”

“And we’re antimatter.” James was having trouble digesting that specific part.

“It explains a few things, like why the radios need to be off to work, why the bridge coordinates got flipped, and why,” Shelton held up his hand, “I’m suddenly right handed.”

“And what about point C, the ring? What’s that?”

“First, let me explain how the bridge works. When its functioning properly, the bridge uses the coordinates you entered to create a giant ellipse out of the universe, with your coordinates as one of the focal points.”

“But an ellipse has two focal points,” said Zachary.

“Right. And, in the matter universe, Pelvanida Base is one of the focal points. And the other—” Shelton tapped the point C on the screen, “is here.”

“Gaman? The planet we just left?”

“It’s not a planet. Not per se. It’s a giant band of packed soil, revolving around a sun. We landed on the inner surface, which explains why it was always noon. And, assuming the distance from the sun to the band is roughly the same as the distance from our sun to Earth, the climate and the force of gravity would be the same.”

“But the band would have to be slightly further from the Sun than the Earth’s orbit, since otherwise heat would build up on the inside,” Zachary pointed out.

Shelton nodded. “Right, the atmosphere on the inside of the band is hotter than usual, but I think access heat drains off into space, keeping the inner surface habitable.”

James looked at the diagram. “The king mentioned a race of people called Sapaar who live in the dark lands.”

“That would be the outer ring. I don’t know how they counteract centrifugal force, possibly by living underground, but the excess heat vented through the soil would keep them from freezing to death. I guess. I haven’t thought about them.” Shelton scratched his head.

“Okay,” said James, “so what about going home? Can’t we just travel back through the gate to matter Earth?”

“Yes, but there are a couple problems.”

“Like what?”

“Remember, the bridge has four coordinates you can alter to change where you go: x, y, z, and t. t is obviously time, the fourth dimension. Now, we’re here,” Shelton pointed, “at anti-Earth. With the current coordinates, we can travel to Gaman and back to anti-Earth. What happens ifwe change the x, y, or z coordinates?”

“We’d travel to a different point in space,” said Zachary.

“Almost definitely empty space,” agreed Shelton. “Where we’d die instantly. So we have to keep those coordinates the same. What happens if we change the t-coordinate and attempt to travel back to Earth?”

Zachary nodded, understanding. “Earth would be at a different point in it’s orbit.”

“And again, we’d walk into space. But since Gaman is a band, no matter what t-coordinate we plug in, we’ll still land on solid ground.”

“So the only coordinate we can safely change…” said Zachary.

“…is t, traveling to Gaman.”

“What if we keep the same t coordinate, and travel back to Earth?” said James. “We’d be sure Earth was there.”

“That won’t work either,” Shelton moved his finger from B to A. “Remember, at the exact original coordinates, our matter counterparts are just jumping through. And when identical matter and anti-matter collide—”

“—both are annihilated,” Zachary finished.

James looked from one to the other. “Then what do we do?”

Zachary glanced at Shelton. “We’re not sure yet.”

“Then keep thinking. I’m going to check on Neku.”

___________________________________________________________________

James entered the makeshift infirmary. Vic had Neku on a stone table, with a wadded-up lab coat or a pillow and a large piece ripped off for a tourniquet.

“In have him sedated right now,” said Vic. “I managed to get the arrow out, but he fractured several bones in the fall. He’ll heal, but his limp will never go away. And I can’t tell while he’s knocked out if he’s suffered any brain damage.”

James looked at the fallen figure. “On our Earth, he had the power to regenerate damaged tissue, but he said he lost his other powers when traveling through the gate. Do you know if he lost that power too?”

“It’s innate, so he might have kept it. I don’t know.”

Snow whimpered from beside him.

There were some choice things James wanted to say to Snow about her performance off-world, but he realized now wasn’t the time. And that the time would probably never come.

“Just take care of him, Vic.”

Vic sighed. “What are you thinking we do next, James?”

“We find Werner,” said Hans. “He’s still out there.”

James nodded. “Shelton’s devising a plan to get home, but even if he does, one thing’s certain: whatever we choose to do, we have to go back.”

_________________________________________________________________

(The important thing to notice here, is that these are not the characters we've had in the RP. These were copies accidentally created by the Einstein-Rosen bridge due to the anti-matter overload. This was how the events of this story could take place without affecting our characters on Earth.)
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Serris
Posted: Aug 11 2009, 08:20 PM


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Ah. So the events here don't affect the "real world" of the RP. I might actually consider this story canon (the part about the Einstein-Rosen Bridge being repaired and being used for experiments but it fails <to the real characters>.)
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 12 2009, 02:29 PM


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Were this a book, I would put a large page with the words Part Two between the last post and this one. But this isn't a book, so I'll just have to tell you. Hope you like it!
_________________________________________________________________


March 1st, 3009

“…seven pistols, three pocket knives, five radios, not counting the one in my flashlight…”

James sat quietly as Shelton briefed him on the equipment he and his team had.

“…and The Complete Works of William Shakespeare,” Shelton finished, dropping the massive tome onto the stone table.

“Who brought that?”

“I’m not sure. Nobody fessed up.”

James chuckled. “Okay, then. How are we doing on morale?”

“Good. Hans’ cards are helping.”

“Neku?”

“He’s woken up, but can’t leave the infirmary. Snow hasn’t left either.”

“Is that all?”

“Almost. We elected you president.”

James double-taked. “You what?”

“Well, think about it. We may be the only ones left in the United States. It was a completely necessary move.”

“Who’s Vice President?”

“That’s your job. The president appoints the vice president.”

“All right. You be vice president.”

“Me? Not Zachary?”

“He’d hate such a worthless job. He can be Secretary of State.”

“Gee, thanks. Well, now that our nation’s had its seventh president named James…”

James smirked. “Is that all for this briefing?’

“Pretty much.”

“Have you made any progress regarding how we’re going to get home?”

“Yeah, but I was going to save that for everyone.”

James stopped him. “First, I have a question about that.”

“Shoot.”

“On Earth, whenever Lockdown turned something to anti-matter, it vaporized. Since we’re anti-matter, won’t that happen to us if we step on matter-Earth?”

Shelton shook his head. “The Pelvanida staff and I made a scientific mistake when we said Lockdown turned items into ‘anti-matter.’ Anti-matter is just as solid as regular matter. The correct term could loosely equate to ‘anti-energy.’ Lockdown turned matter into anti-energy, which had the same effect as if he turned it into regular energy. Does that make sense?”

James nodded. “Enough. If you’ve got a workable plan, then let’s go tell the others.”


The two of them exited into the hallway.

Shelton cocked his ear. “What’s that?”

Music was playing through the Pelvanida speakers.

And there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again…


“Vic and Snow hooked Neku’s headphones up to the base’s intercom. They thought it would help him relax.”

“Yeah? Well, it’s helping this base run out of power!” Shelton angrily stormed towards the infirmary. James continued to the briefing room.

Zachary, Dr. Joe, Hans, and Vic were playing poker. Zachary looked up.

“Hello, Mr. President.”

James rolled his eyes. “Have everyone assemble. Shelton thinks he knows how to get back to Earth.”


This post has been edited by LettuceBacon&Tomato on Nov 8 2009, 02:15 AM
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 13 2009, 02:15 AM


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Fifteen minutes later, everyone was assembled in the projector room. Neku was on a stretcher beside Snow and Vic.

Shelton addressed the group at large. “Our main problem, I’ve realized, is that we don’t know how much each coordinate of the bridge’s control is worth. When we change the t-coordinate from 35 to 36, we might have moved a minute or a millennia, there’s no way to tell.”

“So what do we have to do?”

“We have to go back through the bridge to Gamas with the t-coordinate changed. We figure out the time difference from our last journey over there, and we’ll be able to adjust the t-coordinate to a setting that lands us back on Earth when its in the right point in its orbit.”

“What about Werner?” asked Hans.

“We’ll attempt to locate him while we’re over there.”

“Who exactly is ‘we’?” asked James.

Shelton looked down at the roster. “I had briefed Dr. Joe on the equipment we’d left behind on Gamas, and how we can obtain data from it. Therefore, I’d like her along in case we happen to run into any of it. Hawkeye, I want you for security purposes, not to mention your ability to tie into mechanical systems with your genetic implants, and Lockdown, you’re coming to test a theory.”

“Why?” asked Lockdown.

“It’s possible that your inability to transmute matter is because you’re surrounded by anti-matter. On Gaman, you might still be able to do it.”

“How would that help us?”

“If the Gamans are as friendly as last time, we might be able to convince them that Lockdown is ‘magic’ or something, and not to mess with us.”

Zachary shrugged. “Maybe.”

James stood up. “Sounds good to me. People going off-world, get your gear ready—”

“Wait,” interrupted Hans. “My son is out there.”

James nodded. “All right. You can come too.”

“James,” said Shelton. “Can I talk to you?” He took James aside. “I didn’t want to say this in front of Hans, but it’s highly unlikely that we’re going to find Werner. And I don’t want him refusing to leave or running off we’re down to the end.”

“I see what you’re saying, Rudy, but he has that right. We can’t stop a father from looking for his son.” James turned back. “Hans, you’re coming. Now, everyone, get ready. Bus leaves in fifteen minutes.”

____________________________________________________________________

Ten minutes later, the team was assembled.

“Why are you taking that?” James asked Shelton, who was clipping his radio-flashlight onto his belt.

“It’s the most important piece of equipment we’ll have on this trip.” Shelton put it to James ear, so he could hear the ticking.

“It’s got a timer in it, which will keep track of exactly how long we’re on Gaman. The anti-Pelvanida equipment we took with us had timers that used magnets, meaning they’ll have gone haywire the second they landed on core-less Gaman. If we find some of it and access the databanks, we can see the exact moment the times changed from normal to crazy That information, along with the information from this flashlight, will let us know how long in the future the new t-coordinate took us.”

James nodded. “I’m not positive what you just said, but it sounds good.” He turned to the group at large. “Are we ready to go?”

Everyone nodded.

“Before we go,” said Shelton, “I have to tell you there is some risk involved. I chose to increase the t-coordinate by 50, so hopefully we go 50 days or so. We don’t want to run into ourselves. However, this may result in a serious jump forward, possibly to a time when Gaman is no longer habitable or has ceased to exist. Anyone who wants to wait here at Pelvanida is welcome to, no questions asked.”

Nobody moved.

“All right, then.” James turned to Vic. “Activate the bridge.”

The bridge flared to life.

“Altogether now,” said Shelton, and the team jumped through.
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 13 2009, 04:03 PM


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James once again felt that curious floating sensation, until he eventually touched down to find himself in a world absolutely nothing like he was expecting.

Dirt and grime hung in the air. Buildings of clay or stone bricks were stacked next to each other down a poorly paved road. The road and alleys between the buildings were crowded with people.

People who rapidly began noticing them. Sharp cries filled the air, and people drew back from them.

James tried to calm the masses down. “Listen, people! We haven’t come to harm anyone! Just answer a few questions, and—”

He was cut off. “Intruders!” A man shouted. “The intruders have returned!”

The crowd started getting antsy. “Intruders! Intruders!”

James felt the crowd pulsing around him. His gun was knocked out of his hand. With a wave of frantic people pressing him down on all sides, he unlocked his sidearm and fired into the air.

Instantly, the crowd parted around him, and he staggered towards the bridge. Zachary was the only one in sight.

“Zachary!” James forced his way to him. “We’ve lost the others!”

“It would appear that way!” Zachary had his pistol out, but seemed unsure as to what to do with it. “We need to hut the bridge down!”

“Agreed!” James fired again, clearing a path to the bridge. “Zachary, get back to Pelvanida and tell them to shut it down!”

“Then what?” Zachary yelled.

“In exactly 24 hours, turn it back on! If we’re not back then pick a new t-coordinate and get what you need to get home!”

“Understood!” Zachary paused, then saluted James. “Good luck, friend!”

James lost sight of him I the crowd, as he felt himself dragged into the street.

He forced his way onto the dirt sidewalk on the other side of the road, elbowing past frantic people. A sharp flash of light from an alleyway temporarily blinded him. Staggering closer, he saw Shelton waving him over, flashlight in hand.

Forcing his way out of the flowing mass of people, James collapsed in the safety of the alleyway. “Well,” he exhaled. “This isn’t good.’

“No, it isn’t,” Shelton agreed.

“Why is everything so different?”

“Possibly we’ve traveled too far into the future. To this planet’s Industrial Revolution era.”

“Well, we need to find the others and get out of it.”

Shelton peeked back into the streets. “The gate just shut off.”

“Good. Zachary managed to get back.”

“When are we going to get back?”

“In 24 hours. Or never.”

“Oh.” Shelton understood. “We have five missing teammates, one of whom might have died hundreds of years ago, and you told him one day?!?”

“It seemed like a fair amount at the time.”

“I bet.” Shelton tried to get a reading with his scanner. “I can’t get a fix on how long it’s been. Too much has changed. We need to find some sort of time keeping device. Maybe some textbook or something will have mentioned our last arrival, they seem to still remember us.”

“Lucky us. We’re famous.”

“Infamous, more like.” Shelton pointed to some more refined buildings past the rows brick ones. “If we’re going to find anything useful, it’ll probably be in there.”

“We can’t head that way until we’ve found our teammates.”

“Use your radio. Tell them where we’re going.”

James held it up. “Dr. Joe, Hawkeye, Hans, Lockdown. I’m with Shelton, and we’re heading towards the buildings to the right of the original road. Follow us if you choose, but know that our only ride home is going to be right here in exactly one day.”

The road was completely empty. James and Shelton looked both ways, then darted to the other side.
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 14 2009, 02:40 AM


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“How we supposed to get in?”

James and Shelton were outside the refined building. A lone guard stood at the entrance.

“We wouldn’t want to walk through the front entrance anyway,” said James. “We need a more secluded way in.”

Strafing around the corner, James spotted a window that was near a tree. “There. That’s our way in.”

“Nuh uh,” Shelton shook his head. “I don’t climb.”

“All right, wait here, and I’ll open a ground floor door for you.”

Five minutes later, Shelton heard a door open further down the building side, and aw James waving him in. “Shield your eyes,” cautioned James.

“Why? Ow!” cried Shelton, covering his eyes. “Why’s it so damn bright in here?”

“The whole place is like this. Your eyes will adjust.”

“Did you see what kind of building this is?”

“I’ve seen two different areas. An oil refinery, and a nuclear power plant.”

A nuclear power plant?!?”

“Follow me, I’ll show you.”

“They shouldn’t have nuclear power plants yet! Are you sure?”

“What’s that look like to you?”

The majority of the floor they were on was missing, showing a large cylindrical on the next Workers, with no protection whatsoever, milled around it.

“Those guys must have a life span of like, twenty.”

“Not out problem. The generator seems a bit crowded for us. Let’s go up. If they have nuclear power plants, they probably have clocks. We need to find one.”

“I’m not sure what help just a clock will be. We need more like a calendar. Look out!”

A guard had just turned a corner. Shelton and James darted down an adjacent hallway.

“James, did you see his eyes?” whispered Shelton.

“No, what was wrong with them?”

“You should probably look for yourself.”

James peered around the corner, and gasped. The man’s eyes were solid black!

No iris, no sclera, just small spheres of black, which were currently looking around the hallway, as the guard moved thankfully away from them.

James and Shelton waited for the guard to turn another corner. “Shelton, how could someone’s eyes get like that?”

“I can’t imagine any evolutionary correlation.”

“Could they be synthetic?”

“Maybe. But we haven’t even figured out how to make working eyes yet.”

The next hallway had a directory on the wall.

“See anything useful? A clock tower?”

Shelton studied it. “There’s no ‘You Are Here’ on this stupid map.”

“We just passed the giant reactor in the middle. We’re right here,” James pointed. “Look, we’re only a few hallways from an energy storage room!”

“If we could get some of that energy, we could boost the power to the Pelvanida shielding!” Shelton exclaimed excitedly. “That’d be huge! We wouldn’t be on a deadline for getting home!”

James cocked his pistol. “Let’s give it a shot. Stay here and give me directions via radio.”

“Roger.”

James left Shelton and sneaked down an adjacent hallway. “Shelton. I’m at the first T-junction.”

“Left.”

The next hallway rounded a corner and continued for a long ways.

“James,” radioed Shelton. “You’ll be passing through another T-junction. Go straight, but the hallway you’ll be passing by has a red line. I don’t know why.”

James saw it up ahead. “It means guards. Don’t worry, I can get past them easily. Just don’t say anything until I call you.”

James crouched low, and began tiptoeing quietly past the guards, whose backs were turned to him. He was almost past when…

“James, come in. Do you hear me? This is Dr. Joe.”

James stiffened up. Both guards turned around, guns out. James hit one with a fast uppercut, sending him spinning to the floor. The second swung his rifle at James’ head, but James ducked and side-swiped the man with the butt of his pistol. He then finished off the first one with a boot to the head.

Panting, he unhooked the radio. “Hi, Josephine. What is it?”


This post has been edited by LettuceBacon&Tomato on Dec 29 2009, 05:42 PM
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 14 2009, 08:56 PM


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“I was receiving strange readings on my scanner once I left the main road, so I followed them to a mall library. Dr. Joe looked behind her at Lockdown, who was buried in a dusty book. “Lockdown is here with me, and Hawkeye’s guarding the door.”

“Interesting. I’m actually on a search of my own right now, but call me back if you fid anything else. Just next time, send a quiet warning first.”

Dr. Joe put her radio back in her pocket. She held the scanner out. “The readings are coming from this room, but that’s as precise as the scanner can get.”

“Mmm,” said Lockdown, still reading the textbook. He wasn’t reading.

Dr. Joe reviewed the shelf. It must be behind one of these.” She scanned the shelves, hovering over a thick red book called The Gamas Delusion. “Hmm. This book is certainly the brightest thing in the room.”

She pulled it out, and saw behind it, not wood, but the left border of a screen. She quickly slid the other books off the shelf.

A panel was embedded into the bookcase. The majority of it was taken up by a long screen, but around the edges were rows of black buttons and colored dials.

She checked the dials, curious what they stood for. “It appears to be a power display,” she muttered to no one in particular. “These dials must refer to different sections of the building.”

The screen showed a map of the library, with different sections colored the same as one of the dials. The dial corresponding to the section she was in was the only one with a power reading.

“This might be useful later. Hawkeye, could you download this map into your memory?”

“Pictures are pretty complicated, so I try to stay away from them,” he called from the doorway. “I cold remember a description, though.”

“First let’s see if anywhere else in this city has more interesting readings.” She hit a different black button. The screen shifted to what appeared to be a military barracks. No power readings anywhere.

The next three buildings had only minimal or no power readings. She was just beginning to wonder if any significant power levels existed as she skipped to the top button.

The screen had to zoom out the show the entire layout of a massive building. Three of the ten dials spiked.

Dr. Joe gasped. The building appeared to be a power plant of sorts. The largest reading was coming from a large square room in the middle of the complex. The power level was so high the room had been given its own dial.

“Hawkeye, get in here. I want to show you something.”

Lockdown looked up. “What is it?”

“I’m getting a power spike from some sort of plant. I don’t know how to get there from here. I hoping Hawkeye could use his cybernetic implants to link with the system for more info.” She paused. “Hawkeye?”

There was no sound from the doorway. Drawing her pistol, Dr. Joe cautiously crept to the doorway and looked into the hallway.

Hawkeye lay on the ground, unmoving.

Dr. Joe turned to look down the other end of the hallway, but before she finished a blue stun beam blasted her onto the floor beside Hawkeye.

Lockdown jumped up and put his hands in the air as two guards armed with stun rifles burst into the room.

“Follow us, old man, and don’t try anything funny,” one growled.

___________________________________________________________

James emerged from the seemingly endless hallways into a more comfortable room. An empty desk sat in the corner, and papers were stuck on the wall.

“This sure doesn’t look like I’m nearing an energy storage room. Are you sure I’m going the right way?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. You should be in the foreman’s office,” Shelton radioed back. “That’s funny…” James heard him mutter to himself.

“Shelton, what are you focused on?”

“There’s a big empty room on this map.”

“Empty?”

“No tags, no labels, one door. No apparent function. Odd.”

“Odd, but not particularly pressing. What’s the next way to the energy room?”

“You should be right outside it.” James could tell Shelton was still focused on the empty room on the map. James looked around. “There’s only one other door, not counting the one I came through.” He tried it. Locked. “I’ll see if there’s something in the desk to pick the lock with.”

James crossed to the desk, but before opening it, spotted something on the desktop. “Shelton?”

“Mm?”

“You said Seska was dead by now?”

“Who?”

“The girl. The one we met at Gamas’ castle.”

“Yup. Gone, dead and buried.”

“Well, she’s on this newspaper.”

“What? No way.”

“’[i]Chief Executive Jacade watches the premiere performance at the newly constructed performing house with his courtesan Seska.[i]’ There’s a picture of her right here.”

No answer.

“Shelton?”

Suddenly James heard the clicking of a gun behind him. He spun to the left as a stun beam flew through the spot where he’s just been standing.

Two guards, guns out, were in the doorway, flanking a tall, sallow hunched man. All three had black eyes. James recognized him as the man from the photograph.

He raised his hands slowly. “Hey, no need to start shooting, we can discuss this like civilized men, can’t we?”

The guards cocked their rifles.

James dropped the photograph and his gun. “My name is James. What’s yours?”

The guards stepped forward. James addressed the pale man. “What was the name for kings again? Are you Gamas?”

The man smiled. “No. We are Sapaar.”

A double shot blasted him into the wall.
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 15 2009, 02:31 PM


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James woke up when he heard a metal door creak open. He opened his eyes and sat up, to see he was back in a jail cell. Lockdown, lugging an unconscious Dr. Joe; and Hans, who was carrying Hawkeye, were ushered in with them. The door clanged shut behind them.

“Are you all right?” asked Shelton. James saw him in the corner, scribbling in the dust with a stick.

James got to his feet. “I’m a little sore, but fine.” He looked at Lockdown. “What happened to you guys?”

“We were attacked at the library. They marched us here.”

“And Hans? What about you?”

“I was walking the streets, asking about Werner, when they arrested me. Apparently my only crime is being dressed like you guys.”

“Sorry about that.” James turned to Lockdown. “Have you tried using your powers? Can you vaporize the bars?”

Lockdown curled his hand around a bar. “Guess not.”

James sighed and looked around. “Is there any other way out of here?”

“No,” said Shelton.

“What are you doing over there, anyway?”

“Re-drawing what I can remember of the map,” Shelton said. “If we have time to make another run for the plant’s energy, we’ll need whatever info we can get.”

“Did you say plant?” Lockdown interrupted. “Dr. Joe mentioned a plant!”

“What’d I mention?” Dr. Joe groaned, coming to.

“A plant.”

“Ah, right.” Dr. Joe sat up. “I’d discovered a power reading indicator in the library. It showed me different buildings in the city, and the power outputs of various sections. The biggest readings came from a large power plant.”

She stopped when a man entered the jail room, and stared at them from the other side of the bars. It was the pale man from the photograph.

James crossed over to the man. “I remember you. What was your name again?”

The man ignored James, speaking to he group at large.

“We do not forget what happened last time you invaded our lands. You will be tried for your crimes.”

“What crimes? Why are we in jail?”

“Your trial will take place after an extended rest period. Until then, you will remain here, at your leisure to come up with any defenses you may have for your actions.” The man turned to leave.

“Wait!” James exclaimed, pressing up against the bars. “Where’s Seska?”

The man was gone.

“Seska?” asked Dr. Joe.

“She was in a newspaper. She’s still alive.”

“No, she isn’t,” said Shelton, still drawing in the dark.

“What makes you so sure?” exclaimed James angrily, but even Dr. Joe looked unconvinced.

“They did pick their Seskas because they fit some description,” she said. “That could explain why they look alike.”

“Maybe,” said James. “But you didn’t see the picture. It was her.”

“Same age?” asked Hans.

“No, now she’s around twenty.”

“Then how can you be sure it’s her?”

“I don’t know!” James turned away. “I just do! Will all of you stop grilling me about it!”

The rest of the wait passed in uncomfortable silence.
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 16 2009, 05:56 PM


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Early the next morning, the team was escorted blindfolded to a large courtroom. When the covers were removed, they saw a large congregation of people peering down at them.

The man from the jail cell smiled at them from an elevated podium across the court. “State your names.”

No one spoke.

“You,” the man pointed at Hawkeye. “State your name.”

“Don’t say anything,” warned James, but Hawkeye just stared stoically back.

Everyone is the courtroom started chuckling.

“You refuse to say your name?” smiled the man. “Why do you refuse?”

“We’d like to know what we’re in for,” sad James.

“That should be obvious.”

“Humor us.”

“For invading Sapaar with aims to destroy us.”

“We had no such intentions. We merely came for information.”

“Prove it.”

“Why don’t you prove we had malicious intentions?”

“You attacked guards, viewed confidential information, and refuse to cooperate with this court.”

“Fine. My name’s James. As leader of this team, I apologize for what happened, and we’ll gladly leave.”

“Not yet. First you must pay for your crimes.”

“What’s the punishment?”

“Lifetime imprisonment.”

“For breaking and entering?!?”

The man shook his head. “For murder.”

“I didn’t kill any of those guards.”

“I’m including your previous crimes from the last time you came here. You massacred a hunting party, slaughtered castle guards, and threatened the life of the king and the royal Seska.”

“Those were crimes against Gaman, not Sapaar. Besides, the man who threatened Seska wasn’t operating under my orders.”

“We conquered Gaman, so the crimes were on future Sapaar soil. Besides, our witness has a slightly different story.”

A woman stood up from the congregation and walked to the witness stand.

“Seska!” gasped James. “You’re alive!”

She looked at him and the rest of the team, emotionless.

“But that’s impossible,” James heard Shelton mutter. “Feudalism to factories in one lifetime?”

“State your name,” commanded the man.

“Seska,” she said quietly.

“There, you see? Look how quickly things get done. Now, do you remember any of these men?”

“Yes,” she said, pointing at James. “That one.”

“What’s his name?”

“I never heard.”

“What do you remember about him?”

“He said he came from far away. He was friendly.”

“Friendly? But what happened once he arrived?”

“I don’t know for sure, but later that day King Gamas took me into his seclusion room and hid me in a safe place, telling me if I heard anything unusual to escape down the passageway.”

“Then what happened?”

“Well, I heard people break into the room where the king was, so I ran down the passageway, but at the end of it somebody was already there…with a knife…” she started to choke up.

“Then what?” repeated the man softly.

“He—he threatened to kill me.”

“And tell me, was this man one of the invaders? Part of the ‘friendly man’s’ team?”

Seska nodded.

“Now hold on!” said James. “Siberys wasn’t acting under my authority! Everything he did was his choice, and I and everyone else on this team disagreed with him!”

“You have no way of proving that. And nevertheless, you are responsible for bringing him.” The man turned to the congregation. “What’s the verdict?”

“Guilty!” roared the crowd.

“It’s unanimous!” cried the man joyfully. “Take them away!”

“Wait!” cried James.

“Forget it, James,” said Dr. Joe, looking at the guards coming to escort them away. “We’d lost this trial before we entered the room.”
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LettuceBacon&Tomato
Posted: Aug 17 2009, 06:21 PM


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A popular character finally reappears!
______________________________________________________________

The guards escorted them back to a large cell, shutting the door behind them and leaving.

Once they were gone, Shelton burst out. “It’s impossible!” he cried. “How can she still be alive? There’s no way a civilization can advance that quickly!”

“Maybe it was the Sapaar,” said Dr. Joe. “We didn’t encounter them the first time, maybe they were always this advanced.”

“No, they discovered this technology at the same time as the Gamans. The Sapaar were just better at understanding how useful it could be.”

Everyone looked at Lockdown, who looked surprised at himself. “How did you know that?” asked James.

“It was in the history book I was reading at the library. The Sapaar heard news that the Gaman had discovered some extraordinary technology. They stole it, duplicated it, and used it to conquer Gaman.”

Everyone was silent. “Did the book say where the technology came from?” asked Hans.

“It doesn’t have to,” interrupted Shelton. “It’s my research equipment we left behind when we first showed up. We should have realized this was going to happen.”

“Wow,” said Dr. Joe, “we’ve sure messed up this world’s balance of power.”

“Wait, I’m not done,” said Lockdown. “The book mentioned something even more important.”

“What?”

“The book’s author called it the ‘Blended Time Paradox.’ One of the devices the Sapaar recovered was a time-keeping device. It read an easily distinguishable sequence of numbers, but when they accessed the timekeeper’s logs, they found that the pattern was different was different further back.”

“How so? The time kept by the clock changed?”

“Yes. The book gave numeric examples, but I can’t remember what they were.” Lockdown furrowed his brow.

“James,” Shelton said, “we need to get those numbers. They could be the key to figuring out how long each t-coordinate is.”

“All right, but first we need to escape.”

“Can I help?”

A man had just appeared outside the cell. He was dressed in worn worker’s clothing, and his hair was lighter, as he looked at his old companions and smiled. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

“Werner!” Hans jumped up, and rushed to the cell door. “My boy, you’re alive!”

“It’s good to see you, dad,” said Werner, hugging him through the bars.

“Glad to see you’re all right, Werner,” said James. “I’m sorry we couldn’t find you.”

“I understand. I heard what you went through.”

“What about you? What happened to you?”

“Well, when I jumped through the bridge I got trapped in there. I could sense others around me, but I couldn’t see anything.”

“You were in limbo. Same thing happened to us,” said Dr. Joe, nodding at Hawkeye.

“When I got ejected out the bridge, I wound up in a large lake. There were people with spears and dogs on shore. I knew they would attack me if they saw me in my uniform and with my equipment, so I took it all off and hid in a small outcropping of rocks.”

“In the lake?”

“Yeah. I told them I was a traveler, that had been bathing. They accepted it, and left me alone. That night, I made my way into town and stole a set of clothing. I ingratiated myself into the town life, and heard of what happened to you. Including Siberys.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Me too. But I knew you’d come back, so I’ve made a lot of friends and contacts, so I’d know when you finally returned. So when someone told me a man named Hans was looking for me, I couldn’t believe it!” He spread his arms. “This is great! You can help liberate us from the Sapaar!”

“Uh, Werner…” James exchanged a glance with his team. “We’d love to help, but that’s why we came back.”

“Oh. Then why?”

“We need whatever information we can get on the Blended Time Paradox. And we cold use our weapons back.”

“And my flashlight,” added Shelton. “Most of all.”

Werner looked from Shelton to James. “I’ll do my best.”

“James, Rudy, can I talk to you for a minute?” interrupted Dr. Joe.

She took them aside. “Now, I don’t know why we’re turning or back on a former crewmember, but I think we should help Werner and the Gamans.”

“Josephine, I don’t think you understand,” interjected Shelton. “We have less than a day before our only ride home shows up, and we need to get those numbers so we can figure out the length of each t-coordinate—”

“Kind of makes you wish we had some allies, huh? Besides, it’s our fault the Gamans even need to liberate themselves.”

James and Shelton looked at each other.

“Werner has waited maybe twenty years for us to return, and he’s offered to help us get anything we need,” Dr. Joe reminded. “We need to at least meet him halfway.”

James thought about it. He glanced at Shelton.

“Don’t look at me,” said Shelton. “You’re the boss.”

James left the two and walked over to Werner and Hans. “Okay,” he said. “We’ll help defeat the Sapaar. But some time today, the bridge will reopen for only a few minutes. If we don’t leave at that time, we and the others at Pelvanida will never get home.”

Werner nodded. “Then we don’t have much time.”

With a thin sliver of metal, Werner picked the lock to the jail. “Follow me,” he said, and led the way down the hallway.
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Caustizer
Posted: Aug 17 2009, 06:59 PM


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This story had the potential to succeed in its introduction but unfortunately the lack of suitable background information really hurt it. dino_sad.gif When you note the lack of reviews its not entirely surprising because of how the story is tailored to fans of the RP and not to the normal forum goers.

This all is not to say that it is a bad story... in fact I find it flows fantastically and meshes well together between chapters. The key failing here was that I had to take the time to research what Darwins Soldiers was when I first glanced at the thread and to be perfectly honest I still don't entirely know what it's all about.

It's common wisdom not to judge a book by it's cover, but unfortuneately with Fan-Fics the first post is often what makes or breaks it because after that people lose tolerance for it's short comings. I know that because I'm just as guilty as anyone of this practise... though through no malicious intent of my own. I, like many, simply don't have the attention span to look too deeply into a story I don't understand.

Even a brief blurb at the beginning for people who aren't familiar with the concept to introduce your story would have been suitable to the normal readers and would have got you a more solid viewer base.

Anyway, that's my two cents. dino_angel.gif

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Caustizer
Posted: Aug 17 2009, 07:00 PM


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Sorry double post.

This post has been edited by Caustizer on Aug 17 2009, 07:01 PM
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