Jokes or Comics, Please post your favorite "clean" jokes

[JAMMco]

Please post any clean jokes that may be your favorites or that you made up yourself, maybe after about a month, we can post the top 15 and vote on them?

Here's one of my favorites:

There were these 3 strings that were walking down the street and they wanted to go the bar, so the first string walked up to get in, but the bouncer wouldn't let him in.

"Sorry, strings are not allowed in here."

They didn't think it was fair, so the next one figured he'd give it a try, maybe the other string just wasn't friendly enough.

"Sorry, strings are not allowed in here"

Dejected, he went back to his friends and their spirits were crushed. The third string had an idea though. He tied himself into a knot and messed up his hair and went up to the bouncer to get into the bar.

"Aren't you one of those strings that keep trying to get in here even though they're not allowed?"

The string replied: "No sir, I'm a frayed knot"

[iceman1616]

"Why is it bad to have so many Wings and Wongs as a last name in a Chinese phone book"

"Because you might wing da wong phone number"

[JAMMco]

"One Morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas... How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know."

Anyone know who said that?

[Vince Greyling]

Groucho Marx, what a funny guy.

"I have the right mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."

[Vince Greyling]

Got a blonde joke. If blonde jokes offend you, I apologize in advance.

The CIA was interviewing for a position in their Organization and encountered 3 candidates in a row who happened to be blonde. They wanted to test their perception skills so they individually showed each of the three a Profile photo of a terrorist and asked them to tell them something that they could deduce about this man from his photo.

The first blonde comes in and they show her the photo and she says: "This guy only has one eye!"
"No, it's a profile photo... never mind, Thank you."

The second blonde comes in and they show her the photo and she says: "This guy only has one eye!"
"No, it's a profile photo... never mind, Thank you."

The third blonde comes in and they show her the photo, expecting the worst, and she says: "This man obviously wears contact lenses."
Stunned, they wonder how she could have deduced that from this picture. "How could you tell from the picture that this man wears contact lenses?"
"Well that was easy, with him only having one eye and ear he could never wear a pair of glasses."

[iceman1616]

Another Blonde joke.

A Brunette was jumping on railroad tracks saying "21" a blonde saw what she was doing and thought it looked fun. So the blonde started jumping saying "21". After a minute a train came by the brunette moved out of the way. But the blonde didn't so the blonde got hit by the train. After the train left the brunette got back on the tracks saying "22".

[JAMMco]

OMG, I couldn't stop laughing Iceman!!

[Vince Greyling]

A Smart Blonde Joke...

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.
She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and verything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies..... "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
**
Finally, . . . .. a smart blonde joke.

[Timm]

Here's another blonde joke for ya:

A burnette, a blonde, and a redhead, were running from the police, because they had just robbed a bank. They came upon a barn and inside they found three sacks: One was full of puppies, one was full of kittens, and one was full of potatoes. The burnette climbs into the puppy sack, the redhead climbs into the kitten sack, and the blonde climbs into the potato sack. The police come to the barn and they spot the three sacks. A policeman kicks the first sack and the burnette goes, "Bark, bark." The policeman says, "This is just a sack of puppies. Let's try the second sack." When he kicks it the redhead goes, "Meow, meow." The policman says, "Thi is just a sack of puppies. Let's try the last sack." When he kicks it the blonde says, "Potato, Potato." They were all taken to jail.

[MarianoFan#188]

Hey guys got one...

An Irish guy walks out of a bar...


HAHAHAHAHHA. Oh man I'm Irish so this joke pissed me off when I heard it but its funny.

[Staton]

i dont get it. i must be dumb

[MarianoFan#188]

See the stereotype of an Irish man is that he drinks all day and goes home and makes a baby with his wife at night. Then goes right back to the bar. So the joke is an Irish man walking OUT of a bar! They never do! lol