LINKS
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STAFF
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UPDATES
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CHATBOX
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 Blitz's School
| Blitzy |
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The random one
Group: Members
Posts: 342
Member No.: 13
Joined: 1-February 08
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Alright, welcome to the School of Blitz. Where football plays and sports are the main focus here! Right? Wrong! The main focus here is helping those who desire it become better RPers. I'm here to help you. And of course make suggestions. There are many things I can help you with, and if I really can't, then I'll try my best, but I'll warn you ahead of time. I don't want you to suck at something because you took lessons from a teacher who wasn't good at that in the first place. Alright, since I've started mentioning that, I'll post some strengths and weaknesses. Strengths- Sentence Structure(stopping run-on sentences and infragments)
- Adding descriptions into sentences and making them longer
- History, appearance, and personality for bios(although I have a tendency to ramble)
Weaknesses- Bios(if you don't want ramble in it)
Alright. Sentence structure. | QUOTE | | The cat stalked the prey, killed it, ate it, and cleaned her mouth. |
Run on sentence. There's too much detail in it, all in one sentence. You can change it to something like this.
| QUOTE | | The cat stalked the prey, getting ready to pounce. When she did, she killed the mouse, and sat down beside it. She ate it, and after the meal was finished, she cleaned her mouth. |
Alright, better, but it could use some work. Try adding more detail to it, and making it look something like this.
| QUOTE | | The cat stalked the prey, her tail down, swinging slowly over the land in front of her. The mouse didn't know the presence of the she cat, her black fur blending into the background of the underbrush. She pounced, claws meeting their mark. The mouse died quickly, because torture wasn't right for a piece of prey. She sat down and ate the creature, the meal good. It'd hold the she cat over for a while. After the meal was in her chest, she swept her tongue around her lips, licking the blood from them. |
Alright, there. That's a good description. Of course, it'll take a while to get your posts to be something like that. But don't be discouraged, I've been RPing for two years, and I've always been one to love writing. I got better going to a RP school. So from my own experiences, they do work. Practice makes perfect, so go on and post here and I'll help your skills develop.
This post has been edited by Blitzy on May 20 2010, 05:23 PM
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