Lovelorn?, If so I can help. 100% satisfaction.

I thought that I would start an advice column for the lonely. Seeing as how I am the master of love!
First lets us explore the meaning of the word Lovelorn.
Lovelorn- Spelled Pronunciation[luhv-lawrn] Pronunciation Key–adjective
-being without love; forsaken by one's lover.

Now I know that there are those among us who are experiencing problems similar to these. Now I don't want to mention people by names, but I do know that the one we look to for "leadership" fits this category to a tea. Also we must look closely at the man who struggles every day to leave his past behind. He too is a man in desperate need of my help.
So I am going to throw a lifeline to these men. I want them to understand that in this room there is no judgment; there is only love and understanding. So don't be afraid to reach out and share your personal inner struggles.

Note: For the sake of order please keep spamming to a minimum. Thank you.

Grand Poobah,
Lord of Love.

Tod you are such a dork.

OK I am sure I shouldn't ask but why am I lovelorn?

*Sighs* Readers, this is a stage that is called denial. People who have been rejection repeatedly by someone of the opposite sex are bound to go through this phase.
Grand Master, I want you to do this exercise with me.
Repeat after me, "My name is Grand Master, and I have been forsaken by love."
Remember, admittance is the first step in healing.

Grand Poobah,
Lord of Love.

Whom is this love that has forsaken me?

This sounds more like you Tod.

*Takes deep breath* My faithful readers, I would like to point out several things that Grand Master just did, so that you might learn from his failings. It is obvious to me, as it is no doubt obvious to you that Grand Master still refuses to admit to himself that he is in fact lovelorn. And in his need to appear "normal" and "okay" Grand Master futilely tries to shift the focus off of him and onto another. This condition is known as "diverting the attention from yourself syndrome."
But the good news is that you can be cured Grand Master, just accept my help and you will be amazed at what we're able to accomplish.

Grand Poobah,
Lord of Love.

You have the most scientific names for my symptoms Tod. OK if I know who has forsaken me I will gladly except your help.

Readers, this is very typical. Our leader once again, is dodging the real issue.
Grand Master, you have not been forsaken by one woman per say, but rather by love itself. You are showing all the signs; anger, confusion. But your frustration is only natural. And while you may not realize it you are becoming increasingly hostile with me. But I understand that you are only directing your anger toward me to prevent you from having to face who, and what your really angry at.
We call this, "Directing one's anger toward another to mask your original problem," syndrome.
Or D.A.T.A (Directing anger toward another) for short." Please Grand Master, I can't force you to change, I can only provide you the tools to do so.......

Grand Poobah,
Lord of Love.

WHAT? dude you are starting to sound like a very stupid therapist, like the ones Alvin has.

*Sighs* Readers, as you can see, the hostility toward me is only increasing.
But I take no offense. The frustration that you are feeling Grand Master, is due to the fact that Love is your nemesis. It is something that you cannot conquer. At least you think. I'm sure that if you would just admit to your problem and work with me, instead of against me, you would then make tremendous progress. Or, at least some progress. Please Grand Master, just take my hand; and let the healing begin.

Grand Poobah,
Lord of Love.

You are scaring people you know that right?

And what exactly is my problem with women?

Women just don't like you Alvin.

What I mean to say readers, is that due to Alvin's poor social skills, women are turned off by him. That is not to say that you are completely helpless Alvin. If you and Grand Master would just both realize your problems, you would make tremendous progress.

Grand Poobah,
Lord of Love.

Change his way of be you mean. If i was him i wouldn't do that. Instead of loving ppl for who they are and they way of be, girls/women today just love guys with muscles and that are just complete show offs! Call me jealous if you want but that isn't true love!

Rick you will have to excuse Tod he is a Idiot nothing more, where he gets this stuff I don't know but he makes lame jokes like this all the time This thing is not real but just another of his dillusions.

Delusions Grand Master? Why so bitter? If I were you, I'd be careful. My wisdom should be embraced, not mocked. Once silenced, I am silent forever.....

Dude you have yet to tell me anything useful.


and don't stop it is very funny.

Readers,
I know that I needn't point out the idiocy of Grand Master's last statement; it's very obvious.
Grand Master, how can you sit there and say that I have yet to give you any useful advise? I have told you time and again that you need to first work on admitting your problem, then you need to learn to control your anger and frustration that you continually direct toward me. Not only do you refuse to accept my help, but now your refusing to admit that help has been offered to you. This is a very disturbing symptom that you are are displaying. It's a little disorder that we like to call, "Denial." (Thought it was going to be longer didn't you?) I am worried for you Grand Master. You need to understand that you have a serious problem. Just admit it and we can begin the long, painful road to recovery.

Grand Poobah,
Lord of Love.

With an offer like that how can I refuse?

Readers we are finally beginning to make some progress.
Grand Master is in a place where he no longer feels the need to put on this charade that all is well in his love life. He is prepared remove that hard outer shell and show us his soft, gooey center. I just want to remind you again Grand Master that there is no shame in this room, you will only find tolerance and acceptance. So feel free to share your inner struggles. I'm guessing that your problems started at an early age. So please, tell me about your early experiences so that I can help you even more. You have taken a giant step toward recovery Grand Master.

Grand Poobah,
Lord of Love