Well well well, motherfuckers! Happy june. Seems like you've all missed me, and who can blame you? I've seen the amount of shit you've been causing to provoke me to give you another installment. Bet you're lonely without me fucking you all over. But don't worry, I've got a fresh shipment of the good stuff that should keep you all braingasming for days.
It appears that most of us have escaped the winter blues, but some bitches just don't know when it's too late. I've been hearing that little miss freak herself, Rain Yoluta, has been trying to not only been trying to end her own life, but that of her unborn babies! The insensitive child...
If anyone around here should be suicidal, it's me. I mean, look at all this pathetic shit I have to put up with. Namely these scandals with our Harrington girls! Looks like the good little cunt Adele has handed her man over to a stripper, one that he's been fucking for a while before he was a free agent. Shame that Miss Bennett is living up to her stereotype and getting it on with Ringo Paris. Ha! I wonder if T got to meet our own steroid-junkie Hunter's fist. That must have been a pretty sight. I'm not at all surprised about that family though; for such rich bitches they really are fuck ups. Two of the sisters are pregnant and the fathers are both absolute pussies. And as for the older one - well it just gets better and better. Apparently her and her lovely twin brother have been sharing a little more than just sibling love if you get what I mean. But Jacques is hot, so I'm impressed with Jacey for managing to get down and dirty with that brother of hers. But honestly, a bunch of disgraces.
Speaking of messed up families, seems as if the Sheridans are having a little trouble of their own. Marlene was caught spilling all the drunken details of how much she hates her life to baby-factory Andrea, and I don't think even I can blame her. Maybe because that bullshit husband of hers is a scary protective retard that can't stop arguing with their druggie son Heath, but my bet is on the fact that her 'oh-so-innocent' morbid daughter Evie is fucking Michaelangelo Malverni in a graveyard. Ha, guess it's not as bad as her brother though, who's apparently 'so in love' with Dexter Hackett that he has to mention it every seven seconds. Anyone got the feeling that they're sharing needles? Heard that Dexter's room mate has been getting in on the action too, naive little Rian has been sighted more than once with half a bottle of tequila, and I've even been hearing that the cutie's been getting real action too, from a high schooler. Wonder what his girlfriend has to say about that... Actually I don't, she's probably too occupied taking care of the hobo that's sleeping in her bed
and while we're on the subject of the hackett's, i heard that bristol came tumbling back onto the radar this month, still leaving a messy little trail of scandal behind her. apparently the king of ashwick and bristol's boy toy has left town for a while, leaving the hackett whore all alone. but she wasn't alone for long. she was spotted heading home from a crazy night out with an unidentified male. and the guy who she swiped her v card with when she was just fifteen, wesley vanderbilt - you remember him right? well a little birdy told us he's back in town and the blonde bombshell isn't happy about it. but who can blame her when he stole her virginity and ran away with it all the way to new york city? who knows what kind of destruction hurricane bristol's going to leave in her wake in the next couple of weeks, but one thing's for sure. she isn't showing any signs of slowing down...
Then again, seems like everyone's fucking everyone this month. Lucas Aarons left his girlfriend, poor little Alisha. And now he's tagging onto his baby mama Devin King. Unfortunately he's just playing baby sitter to the couple's three year old child, as the slutty mother is off fucking his best friend. Aw, little baby lucas.
So whose gotten a load of that mayor and his crazy family? Nevermind them--that fucker is nasty! Talking about sexy parties and charming the ladies in the chat box with his government shuttlecock. At least one person seems to be able to keep it in her pants... more or less. miss julissa gotti, our favourite little ho, is being boring. who knew? the only guy she's been trying to get with this month is roman pierce, and unsurprisingly he's avoiding that dose of sti's, since the boys only interested in the pussy of nikita wilding. ha, last time i heard it was still recovering from childbirth.. that can't be good to fuck.
gotta say, she popped that one out at the right time, setting the trend for what seems to be some kind of fucking baby boom. whatever's in the water, i don't like. i'll just stick to sipping my champagne on the beach thanks. we already know that rain, amelie and isabelle are pregnant, but we can't forget the rest. someone's been catching avery benson throwing up in a trash can, but who knows which springer brother she's fucking? and then there's juno de luca, well who knew a slut like that could be tamed. her relationship with caleb wade is so sickening even now i feel like throwing up all over my jimmy choos. devon smith has been knocked up by kiyoshi... maybe she'll actually get him to forget that annoying ass wife he used to have. eugh. it's all making me want to pee on a stick. but here's my favourite pregnancy: lunden ricci knocking up some chick called arie, yet his unfortunate little play-toy xavier managed to forgive him. oh darling x, won't you ever learn? come here and let me comfort you baby. but please, wear a condom. show 'em all how it's done.
but hey, maybe lunden did this as payback. there's shit going round that his brother has been doing his pretty little high school lover, which knowing that mr ricci's a violent bitch, meant that they both got some messing up. i smell fisticuffs at dawn.
now here's a nice piece of gorgeous mess. adrian scott, who was spotted smoking some of the good stuff with jourdan jones recently has killed his father, but of course he couldn't own up to his own dirty work. yep, the bastard blamed accomplice joel ortega for the whole fiasco. luckily the guy's prepared for the butt-fucking he'll get in prison, since he's been doing onyx malverni.
even i have to agree that gay sex is better than underage sex, and i think emilio castillo should learn that lesson. i know for a fact he has been screwing some minor, now he's got hiv. ah karma, you are so sweet. or is that revenge? either way, i adore it. i just got word that em has left the building. yes, that's right. our little friend has killed himself. how sad. it's even more sadder that none of his "goonie" members seem to not really give a shit about his death. some friends he had.
Ready for a bombshell? Old man hackett has apparently been keeping a mistress on the side, and for the most part he has done a good job quieting her down. At least until now. my sources tell me that one of the kids found out about it, and the woman had no choice but to be outed to the rest of the family. My oh my, trouble just doesnt stay away from this family. It's like the Kennedys minus the assassinations.
so what about our baby z mendez? well, i think he's struggling with a spot of geometry. do i see a triangle? yes, a love triangle that is. let's just say that it's not all over with him and his baby momma, so no doubt that his wife's bitching out. really, nikki? and to fight over twitter.. ha. i think we should set up an intervention for this shit. are you sure he's even the one for you? don't hang on to z, hun. i think he could do better. you already have amir and jamil trying to get at you now. your not ready to throw in that commitment card yet, are you? you better keep a eye on her, z. and besides, i hear he was going to pull the plug on you any way to be with jai. oops! did i say that out loud? i think that was suppose to be a secret. oh well.
but since we're speaking about jai. i hear izzy and lorenzo are trying to get very up-close and personal. what ever happen to z's rules about not letting no one come near you or his child? i'm sure he'll be very disappointed in you. not just him, but plenty to hear your back talking to izzy.
and virgin alert! who knew that with all this pregnancy we'd find one of these in our shitty little town? oh ayden, ayden, ayden. you really only want antonio wright's tongue? i've heard that he's pretty well hung girl, so please do us all a favour otherwise i'll have to find out for myself.
in other, better news, at least one person is getting some un-impregnated, non-incestual action. and best friend sex is the best. yeah, i got it right, levi and keem are fucking! yay? something tells me that nobody should know about this. well sorry guys, but gaga loves to share. if i know, everyone knows. i will also add, just for the hell of it, it seems little levi gets highly jealous when others get too close on keem. oh? why so serious? since you two are dating, let me just say, keem seemed to have enjoyed himself more with the ladies than you a few nights ago. you better get a better grasp on your man before someone else snatches him up.
now for some solemnity. or rather... me wanting to attack someone with the extreme rage that gaga possesses. which bitch decided to attack andy, kiyoshi and deane? now now, those are my skets to play with, not yours. so whoever decided to fuck them up better turn themselves over, because i've heard that the entire wate family are trying to find the culprit and exert their wrath. actually i'd hide if i were you, i've heard that ros is a pissy bitch when angry. not even i could wish a fate crueller than death on you, and having to face full blown hatred from princess-bitch herself isn't the nicest thing to face. happy to say we're not losing these bullshit-magnets, all three are in recovery. damn, that would've been some good gossip.
also have some fresh meat for you gossip-animals. a pretty little socialite by the name of 'daphne' has landed on our shores, so let's see who can tear her into shreds the quickest. a prize for the winner? i'll keep my eyes open.
and on that note, i am finished. heard that there's two disturbed little men having a sixty-nine in an alleyway that i need to check out... keep that gossip coming, skinny little bitches. kisses!
always watching, gaga xx
