happy april, everybody! as a thanks for completing the latest activity check, we have a new skin, new event, and new spotlight nominations for you. please see this post for more details.
march 31st, 2013
the activity check is officially OVER! if you have failed to complete it, please contact a staff member.
march 29th, 2013
Reggie Boi: damn, mami. Talkin rough to me like dat gets me hawd.
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Back at square one all over again, and this time possibly for good, Ryan was back into one of his usual depression modes. He felt terrible for what happened between him and Imani, but he felt even horrible to know he killed their child with his rage. Sitting down one of the picnic tables, he looked around the park at the different parents playing with their kids at the small kiddie park not too far from where he sat.
Shaking his head, he looked back down at the table, trying to map out some type of idea on where to go next. This would’ve been easier for him if this was years ago before he met her. ”Fuck…”
As she arrived at the park, searching around for her friend, Janelle had questioned why exactly she'd been there in the first place? Janelle and Ryan hadn't had one of the best relationships ever, but somehow through all the drama they had with each other they still remained friends. She felt as though she could do better, but she truly had loved him for who he was.. maybe more than she would have openly admitted to. He was her friend and that was important to someone who had literally no one minus her precious babies.
Finally spotting him at a table, after having walked around for ten minutes, she immediately rushed over to approach him.
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These were the times when he wished his amnesia would just kick in and make him forget every single detail about that night. He hated not being able to sleep at night ‘cause of these thoughts. Gnawing away at his bottom lip, he was thrown out of his thoughts at the sound of his name. He looked over and spotted Janelle approaching him. The two haven’t hung out in a while, so it was actually quite nice seeing her in person than hearing her annoying voice through the phone.
”That’s my name, don’t wear it out.” He muttered, gesturing her to have a seat with him. He just felt like being an ass to her for a minute… maybe it’d give her the impression that everything was fine with him—when truth be told, nothing was fine. ”… Sup? How’s the kids?” He asked after a small hesitation in his tone, wanting to play the whole basic catch up game. It could help keep his mind off his problems long enough to forget about them.
"Boy please, don't be starting already.. I just got here." Janelle spoke lowly in a sarcastic tone as she went over and sat across from him, setting her purse on the tabletop. It was nice to see her friend. Though they argued often and were so bratty with one another, mostly Ryan.. it was always nice to see someone who held such a special place in her heart. She hadn't been sure why he'd invited her there. She never frequented the park, but maybe he just wanted to mend their friendship?
She smiled at the thought of her twins, Elias and Camilla. "They're doing so good. Learning how to walk now, I'm pretty excited, actually. How's Xavier doing? Good? He's my future husband, I hope you know."
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”Whatever. Just shut up and sit down already.” He retorted, motioning his hand over towards the seat. He took a quick glance around the park to keep his mind active and try to act like everything was normal. Maybe if he could act he was fine, he wouldn’t have to worry about her getting all concerned and emotional about his well-being. He was fine; however, on the inside, he was just dying piece-by-piece as he continued to recall over that night.
He was about to reply until she went on to asked about Xavier. Right along with Imani, he lost him as well. He was getting sick of losing the both of them. Sadly, he had only himself to blame for that… at least he can admit it this time around. ”You have to talk to Imani about that. I can’t answer that question. How’s your baby daddy? You two still dating?” He asked, clearly forgetting that those two weren’t even together anymore. Oh well.
Janelle grimaced when Ryan acknowledged that if she'd want to ask about his son X, that she'd have to ask his mom, Imani. Now Janelle had a fantastic relationship with Imani, she loved her like a sister, but she knew that Xavier was definitely his mother's son. It was no offense to Ryan or anything, but he'd been pretty lazy as a dad. Janelle didn't know if she was to wonder more about the statement, or continue on? She chose the former. "Well why would I do that, that's your son too, Ryan."
After saying her bit, she'd been taken aback some when Ryan mentioned her baby's father and asked if they were even still dating.. as if he hadn't already known. What was this, 'amnesia' hour? "... uh, you already know we aren't together anymore. He lives in New York with his husband, remember?"
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”Obviously I don’t have him right now. So, I’m going to repeat this one more time: You’re going to need to talk to her about him, ‘cause I don’t fucking know how he’s doing.” He spat angrily. Not towards her, but more towards the situation itself. He ran a hand through his hair before looking back over towards the parent and kids playing at the kiddie park, taking a deep sigh as the wind rustled through the fabric of his clothing.
Ryan cut his eyes onto Janelle, giving her a confused glare. He was lost. When did they break up? Actually, that didn’t even matter anymore. He had a feeling that he might’ve disliked the guy. ”Oh… OH?! He’s gay?! What kind of boyfriends you be dating?” He asked in all seriousness. ”You need to choose wisely on the males you pop a baby with.”
There had obviously been something lingering inside of Ryan's brain and like always it seemed as though he had been taking his frustrations out on the wrong person. Janelle didn't know what to think about his reaction to just a simple question and acknowledgement, but what she did know was that in order to keep him on her good side she was just going to have to wait on him to tell her about his problems.. unless it called for her to force it out of him, which had been the last thought in her mind.
Looking past him to see where exactly his face had been pointed to, she noticed him looking over toward a father and his child playing. It set her off and gave her a notice that maybe he and Imani had been having problems? Not really wanting to peg on it just now, she decided to move on to herself first to kind of break the ice.
"... shut the hell up, Ryan. You already knew he was gay, I told you this like five months ago when he got married." she rolled her eyes before continuing. "-and anyway, why does it matter what kind of guys I date? I don't plan on having any more kids, I already have the boy and the girl people dream of. My kids are snatched and so is their mommy, okay!" Janelle ran her fingers through her hair and tossed it behind her back with a smirk. "This girl don't need a man to keep her fab, aw naw she can do all of that on her own, thank you."
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Ryan quickly cut his eyes onto her when she told him to “shut the hell up”. Now, with his brain not really being ALL the way there, he wasn’t too sure if he should be offended and lash back or just let it slide for her own safety. Eventually, he chose the latter choice. He doesn’t remember none of the shit she was telling him. He didn’t know he was gay, he didn’t know he was married, and he damn sure didn’t know he moved out of town. Well, he did… he just doesn’t remember all that well since it’s not all that important to him in the first place.
The more she continued on, the more annoyed he was getting. He heard just about enough of her mouth, her sass, and her bullshit. ”Don’t fucking get sassy with me, imani. It’s not my fault I don’t remember that bitch.” He spoke offensively, not even noticing that he called her by the wrong name. Oops? Hey, he wasn’t all the way there. You couldn’t blame him for the small minor slip-up.
Janelle bucked backward, almost taken aback. "Imani? Uh clearly you need to get your eyes checked out, boo. I'm all Janelle." If his words before hadn't been telling, the way he spat back at her by calling her Imani had been enough of a proof to let Janelle know something had been bothering her best friend. Now she knew Ryan wasn't going to flat out tell her, so she had to get it out of him herself.
"... are you alright? Like is everything alright with Imani and you? 'Cause I just really have been noticing that you seem a little bit bitter with every mention of her name." she blinked, not really knowing where to take the question from there. It was well obvious his problem lied in his marriage, but when didn't it? "Is she okay? Like the both of you are cool, right?"
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”Ohh… right.” Ryan spoke lowly. How could he get so carelessly to call her by another name instead? Not like it mattered. That was the only person in his head a little bit more than anything else. And he hated it a lot. He gnawed on his bottom lip to occupy his mind in some way. When that failed to work, he just squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to think of something else instead.
”Why are you so goddamn nosy?!” He shouted at her. Realizing he was shouting, he cleared his throat and tried to explain the situation, in a calmer and soft tone. ”I killed our child. Not Xavier. We “apparently” were expecting another child, and I killed him… or her…” He confessed, feeling a ounce of sadness wash over him.
Janelle had been stunned.. not only had Imani been expecting but with the stress of Ryan and him apparently killing the baby? What was even happening? Needing to get a firm idea on what was happening, so she herself could grasp the real story. "... Wow," had been the first thing she had said.. "I'm.. i'm so sorry, Ryan.." and while it hadn't been the most sensitive thing she could have replied with, at least she hadn't been completely speechless. "When did this happen? Is Imani.. is she alright? Are you alright?"
There had been so many questions swirling around in her head and she needed the answers. Had that been why he was being such an asshole? Probably not, but it was worth it to try asking.
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”I don’t need your sympathetic bullshit, Janelle” Ryan spat coldly. He didn’t need anyone sympathetic talk, for that matter. He was tired of hearing the same stuff over and over when something crazy happens in his life. Not only did it make the situation worse, it was annoying and repetitive.
”A few days ago. And like I told you before, I can’t tell you how she or X is. If you want to know how they’re doing, get your ass on twitter and go tweet them for yourself.” He scoffed, running a hand through his mane to keep his cool as much as possible. He hated that it came down to this.
"I'm not trying to give you my sympathy, I'm trying to really.. just," Janelle paused and looked at him. Ryan had been broken, had been for years and probably would be until he fixed it up himself, but Janelle had desperately felt the need to try to lend a hand in fixing him up. "I don't want you to be this way anymore. You didn't used to be so.. bitter against the world, and you know I know it. I've known you forever." She didn't want to go any further, simply just shrugging with a sigh. "You want me to leave it alone, I'll leave it alone, but you seriously can't be like this. It's not healthy.. for anyone."
Ryan explained that he didn't know how Imani or Xavier were doing and because she wanted to avoid getting him even angrier, she opted to changing the subject. "I'll just.. worry about it some other time. Anyway, how've you been other than that? Are you doing okay? I like your hair.."
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”You’re just really giving me more sympathy that I don’t need,” He went on and finished her sentence in a mocking voice. ”I know all about how that bullshit works, Janelle, save it for someone else.” And with that, he dropped the whole subject. He was done listening to what she had to tell him. Most of her words just went in one ear and right out of the other. ”Are you done? ‘cause I’m quite frankly tired of hearing your annoying voice and you talking about the matter. You don’t understand. Leave it alone.”
He sighed in relief when she left the topic alone. Gnawing down lightly onto his bottom lip, he stopped everything he was doing to stare blankly into her direction when she complimented him. He hated compliments. Why would she even do that? He rolled his eyes and turned his attention back towards the playground. ”I’m fine, thanks.” He mumbled.
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