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Bonnie Leveque watched as the various buildings passed her by. She had caught a taxi just outside her own place with the decision to head into town for the day for a break, it was a Sunday and she didn't have work so she felt she deserved it. She knew the perfect place to relax and later she would grab some lunch, spend some quality time with her own mind and her music. She rested her chin on her hand and looked out the window, the buildings becomming a blur. She regretted not saying goodbye to her son this morning, leaving nothing but a note indicating that she was heading to the park for the morning should he need her for anything and after that she would be at a local café for lunch. She had even indicated that she would be home around 2 that afternoon, something she rarely did but it had become a habit. Damn her and her worrying, surely he was old enough to care for himself now, but Bonnie felt the connection between her and her children slipping and the very thought of it terrifed her more than anything she cared to admit. She was broken from her musings as the cab stopped and the driver turned to her, indicating the price.She smiled softly at the taxi driver as she handed her money over and grabbed her handbag from the seat beside her. She stepped onto the street and looked over the park with its large stone centre and the large fountain that was spraying water softly on a group of children playing beside it. The park was surrounded by a large path with a playground to the left and a large expanse of trees and grass on the right. She stepped into the park boundary, swinging the strap of her handbag over her shoulder and making her way to a clump of trees that would shade her and hide her from view, slightly. It had been a while since she had come to this park, several years in fact, but nothing much about the place had changed. She offered a soft smile to a young girl that she passed before she sat down on the ground, something she hadn't done since she had been with her husband, enjoying her music. She glanced at the people playing, leaning back against the tree and closing her eyes, humming to herself.Turn it inside out so I can see, the part of you that's drifting over me, and when I wake you're, you're never there, but when I sleep you're, you're everywhere. You're everywhere... She couldn't resist singing along, the song had been playing over the radio in the taxi and the very thought of simply doing something she enjoyed was more than exhilarating.She let the softness of the music that played in her mind and her own voice merge and she relaxed more. She drowned out the sounds of laughter and chatter from around her as she sung, her mind drifting to various situations and people, none ever staying long enough for her to grasp onto them or make sense of them. Just tell me how I got this far, tell me why you're here and who you are. 'Cause everytime I look you're never there, and everytime I sleep you're always there... She was lost in her own world of music and vocals and memories, a place she rarely visited these days. Her voice became more passionate and she moved with the music as she reached the chorus, her voice ringing out but dulled slightly by the trees. 'Cause you're everywhere to me, when I close my eyes its you I see. You're everything I know that makes me believe, I'm not alone. I'm not alone... She was so lost in her music that she didn't register the rustling of trees behind her, the shadow that fell on the ground or the voice that spoke to her. She jumped as a hand on her shoulder broke her from her musings and her singing stopped, had she really been that out of it? She sighed, placing a hand to her chest, to calm her rapidly beating heart, and turning around.
Keegan had spent the night before out with his bandmates. They'd done a day at the studio, not necessarily working the entire time. A day in the studio with the guys meant a few beers, a bit of recording, a bit of writing, and plenty of shooting the shit. Might be expensive to rent the space for that long, but it was how they operated, and they weren't likely to change. As long as they were making hits, the record company didn't seem to mind them screwing with the space. Post-studio, Keegan and a few of the guys had gone to a local bar. He'd drank a bit too much, tried and failed to pick up a few women, and driven home sloppily. He woke up the next morning with a slight twinge of a hangover, and with a car parked crooked in his spot at the condo complex. He hadn't bothered to buy a house just yet - wasn't sure he'd be staying in the area, just yet, or moving to LA.
Bonnie and the kids were here, which was just ducky by him. Not that he went out of his way to see any of them, but he did a bit when allowed. He had no animosity toward Bonnie - they hadn't been right, and asking her to marry him had been kind of an impulse on his part. He was just sort of like that. He felt a bit sorry that Bonnie had gotten so upset over the entire business with himself and the babysitter, but he was relieved and pleased that they were separated. It left Keegan with the freedom to just be Keegan with minimal responsibilities. That worked best for him.
After waking up in the mid morning, he needed some air. A stroll and a cigarette, down to the coffee shop for a large dose of caffiene to work on the headache he was cultivating. He headed out of the condo, locking the door behind him, and clicking his lighter to ignite the cigarette in his mouth, inhaling deeply.
Once he'd procured the coffee, he took the long way home, through a smaller park. He ignited another cigarette, walking through, alternating drags with sips. It was kind of a nice morning - he was looking forward to a day off. He noticed a blonde head sitting, lost in her music. He smiled to himself as he approached from behind placing a heavy hand on her shoulder. He smirked as she jumped, and walked around the bench to sit himself down with here. "Hey, Bon." He rumbled, in his gravelly, intense voice. "How you been."
Jumping as the hand set itself down on her shoulder, Bonnie took a moment to steady herself before the voice that had spoken came into her mind. Keegan sat down beside her and she glanced at him, not really sure how she should be reacting in this situation. She looked him over for a moment before setting her guitar back in its case "funny you should ask that after this long." Her words weren't harsh, more tired. She hadn't seen Keegan in years, at least not since their children were younger. After that if the kids had chosen to see them it was all on them to organise it, she had no part in the matter. "I've been fine, managing perfectly well. What about you?" Was she still mad at him for what had happened? No, she was sure that she wasn't, but she still had a hard time of managing the children on her own when they'd been younger. "The partying is doing nothing for your age, K" she added, almost in the same tone she used with her son time and time again. Gaspard was a handful, he had been since the day he was born, he was so much like his father in that sense. Still, Bonnie cared little for the small facts and just pushed on as she always had. It was easier to do something and fix a mistake than to be too scared to do it in the first place.She couldn't deny that she felt slightly awkward sitting here now, with her ex-husband, the father of her three children. She offered him a slight smile, though it was somewhat tired at the same time. "I should get moving soon, I have a vocal lesson to teach this afternoon" she said, smiling slightly "and I fear that if I'm not there they might actually be on time for once." Usually she did one on one lessons but, on the odd occasion, she'd still head down to the community centre and do group sessions. Today was suppose to be a one on one lesson with a young girl travelling from Boston but she'd entirely forgotten that it had been cancelled the day previous. It wasn't that she wanted to leave, in fact she was hoping that he would at least offer to keep her company, but Bonnie knew better than to expect anything less than a childish reaction from Keegan, she'd learned that years ago, unfortunately for her.
"Funny you should ask after this long." Keegan rolled his eyes. "Better late than never, hey?" To be honest, he'd felt weird about contacting her. Seeing her in the park seemed too serendipitous to just walk the other way from. It's not that he didn't care - he just wanted to walk away from his problems or sweep them under a rug, and let it all go away. "I've been fine. Getting by." He extinguished the spent cigarette on his shoe, ignoring her comment about the partying, and lighting another. Being a frigid bitch is doing nothing for yours. Fuck her, if she wanted to sit there and chastise him over it. He'd listen, or kind of ignore it, but he woudn't say anything.
She made some kind of lame excuse about wanting to get going. "You don't have to jump up and leave, just because I'm here." He rumbled. "I don't bite. At least, I never break the skin. Right?" He shot her a cocky grin. He felt like her vocal lesson excuse might be legitimate, somehow, but that more than likely she was just kind of trying to get away from him. "I mean, Bon. We have kids and shit. Don't you think we can sit together and at least be civil?" He was kind of curious as to where she and the children had been, all these years. Not that he was concerned - Bonnie was a great mother, he gave her that. But because they'd separated so fast, and because he figured he was supposed to actually care how his children were doing.
He took a drag from a cigarette. "So. The kids. Speaking of. How are they doing?"
Bonnie raised her eyebrow as he accused her of just jumping up and leaving, as if he thought that it was a stupid excuse. She shook her head a little "I'm not actually making some excuse to get rid of you" she said, rolling her eyes a little "don't flatter yourself, not everything is about you. Despite the fact that you think you were the only one with talent in our relationship, I do actually teach vocal skills to students". There was a slight snap to her voice but it wasn't anything that could have been interpreted as her being uncivilised. "I am being civil, you're the one whose acting like I'm making excuses to get rid of you. Since when have I ever made excuses as oppose to telling the truth? Tag along if you don't believe me". She really didn't care if he followed her or not, it wasn't like she couldn't deal with the cocky nature of the man, she'd done it for years while the children were younger.He enquired about the children and she raised an eyebrow, tugging her jacket on over her shoulders. "Sofia and Emilee are doing their own things, Gaspard is a handful as always but, then again, he is your son" she said, somewhat monotonously. She really hadn't spoken to the eldest two in the last few days, but as far as she knew they were still fine. Gaspard was spending more and more time locked up in his room not wanting to have much to do with his mother as seventeen year old boys seemed to do. "It wouldn't hurt you to actually ask them how they're doing once in a while, K. It's not like it's difficult to pick up a phone and say hello". Bonnie couldn't deny it, she was a little bitter on behalf of her children.
"You know, everything is about me. At least, in my mind. Always looking out for number one, you know that." He knew he was a selfish bastard sometimes, and knew he was masively immature. The difference between Keegan and most people was that most people tended to care when they knew they were percieved in this manner. Keegan just didn't care, and he made no excuses for looking out for himself and for his behavior. Instead, he reveled in it. "I will tag along. Sure. Not that my vocals are any good, but I don't mind seeing what you're teaching. Maybe I'll absorb the lesson and get better. Wouldn't that be something."
He noticed her cocking an eyebrow when he asked about his kids. Judgmental bitch."What, I can ask." He said, calling out the small reaction. He was really so small that it didn't merit him to even comment on, but letting it go wouldn't be Keegan's style. "He is my son. I apologize for him being a handful, then." He wanted to skip over a general discussion about Jasp - he'd run into Jasper in a chatroom a few nights before, as he was instructing some barely-legal thing to come to his house, wear nothing but an apron, and call him 'Daddy'. He wasn't sure how well Jasper was taking that. "And I've been touring. I'll call them soon. I really will." He stood up and brushed his jeans, realizing that they were a pair he'd slept in, and that he must kind of look like hell to Bonnie at the moment. He understood she was bitter. And he understood why. But he refused to recognize that he was supposed to be the responsible one in his own life.
"Your mind isn't always right, there's a point when things need to change and you need to grow the hell up." She knew he didn't care about other people, he cared about himself, about his desires and about what he wanted. He'd never really cared beyond the bubble he had around himself. It was a disappointment, really, because the few times he'd actually shown his decency he was actually a decent father and a good husband, for a few moments at least. "The day you admit to learning something from me, K, is the day that pigs fly" Bonnie said, but it wasn't in a hostile manner. She had grown out of her hostility years ago, despite the fact she didn't like the choices that he made.Bonnie rolled her eyes "I've never once stopped you seeing those children nor said shit about you in front of them. I wasn't saying you couldn't ask, but it seems rather strange that you would". Most people didn't associate Bonnie with profanity but she really didn't care too much, she lived to do things that people didn't expect of her. Bonnie shook her head as he said he would call the kids. "No you won't, Keegan. You've been saying that since you left, you've been saying that since you ran out with a woman half your age. Barely legal women, booze and no responsibility, that's all you ever get from your life. You've never once cared that those kids waited by the door every time you said that you would show up to see them. You never had to see the looks on their faces when you didn't and you never had to make up excuses each time. Do you even know the meaning of being a father? Of responsibility?"She wasn't bitter as such about what had happened between them, in all honesty had he been mature about it she might have forgiven him and moved past it, the fact was it hadn't been the first time. What she was bitter about was all the time she'd had to pick up the pieces for her children, all the times she'd had to make them smile even when she wanted to just curse out their father.She shrugged her jacket on and picked up her guitar, starting off her way towards the community centre. It wasn't far to walk and she really didn't care if Keegan was going to complain or not. If he didn't want to come he didn't have to. She pulled her sunglasses down onto her face and tucked her free hand into her pocket, turning to look at her ex-husband. "I don't care if you want to see them, K, but you need to stop jerking them around. Jasper needs a father, a role model, not someone whose screwing there own life up to the point they can't help anyone elses." She said nothing more on the topic for now, she knew what the man was like. She still cared for him, but she couldn't be with someone who was irresponsible or going to leave her at the slightest moment. Of course, she didn't realise that she'd admitted she'd never had anyone else besides him.
"Oh, my god." He said, rolling his eyes. Why was it always such a fucking morality contest with Bonnie? Keegan had a decent grasp on what was right, and what was wrong. He didn't need any form of lecture, or guilt trip, to establish that for him. It was nearly offensive to him that she was hammering on about him being a deadbeat father. or whatever. She seemed more annoyed than hostile towards him, but he felt like a criticized child.
He knew how to be a decent Dad, and he always felt an initial pang of guilt when he had done something he knew to be wrong. But he managed to excuse himself. He swallowed the guilt with a range of excuses, from 'It's not my problem', to 'I'm busy with work, and I pay child support'. Keegan wasn't evil. He was just terminally immature, and enjoyed a certain level of irresponsibility in his life that he actually worked to preserve. She was starting in on the time worn lecture, that Keegan tended to just sort of dismiss. He'd heard it before. You don't see the kids, you don't take responsibility, you're busy railing twenty year old girls. Blah. Blah. "Do you even know the meaning of being a father? Of responsibility?"
"Oh, my fucking god." He groaned. "Would you give it a rest, Bonnie? Of course I fucking know. Can we honestly give that shit a rest?" He stood up, coughing slightly. Maybe he was feeling more run down from the partying the night before than he wanted to admit. "I'm not some bad guy. I never beat you, or the kids. There are worse men out there than me." He started to walk with her toward the community center, to her vocal lessons.
If Bonnie's speech was an admission that she hadn't brought anyone but Keegan into the kids' lives, he didn't catch it. He sighed as they started to walk. "I'm not jerking them around." He said finally, looking around at the gently swaying trees. It was a gorgeous day. "I just got into LA a few weeks ago. You know that I'm recording right now. I've been.... busy." Her words had stung. Only a little bit, but the sting was there.
((I apologise in advance for him getting completely served... but drama is drama and I needed something other than people getting along so I ran with her bitching at him)).Bonnie knew that he hated her commenting on things he did and perhaps that was why she did it. She'd been the one who'd gotten the raw end of the deal out of it all. Then again, he needed a swift kick in the ass as well, and she was not going to deny that. He spent too much time worrying about himself that he'd forgotten he had children and she was tired of it. She had a son who was rebelling and needed a father figure and two daughters who were doing god knew what. She wouldn't admit it to him, mostly because he had never cared in the past, but for the last ten years she'd been struggling more than ever. Forget the fact that it had hurt to see him with the babysitter, forget the fact that she'd been raising them alone, she was just not coping and she was getting older. She didn't want him to think that she was begging for his help, she didn't need him, but she'd given up everything to be with him all those years ago and she was afraid of losing it all again."You might not have beat us but that doesn't mean you're a good guy. Look at yourself, Keegan! Do you know how many times I've heard about you hitting on girls barely older than your son and that's just since you've been in town! I can't do this anymore, I can't keep picking up the pieces every single time you fuck up! Those kids needed you and to a degree they still do. Your son is becoming impossible and I don't know where to go from here. I don't give a fuck what happened between us but it would have been nice if you'd grown the hell up and manned up. You're always too busy, you've always got an excuse. Well guess what, it's not that easy for me. I've raised those children alone, no help what so ever. I don't have the luxury of screwing around or dating because I had three mouths to feed and worry about. Think about someone other than your own selfish ass for a change because one day you're going to be a lonely old man and you own kids will hate you more than they already do! While you're at it seeing your parents might be a nice thing to do as well, your mother's been ill."She hadn't screamed at him, which was probably the worst part about her speech, but the way her chest was heaving said it all. She was frustrated, she was exhausted and she was tired of caring about everyone else and their problems. The last sentence had been almost calm which was even more unnerving. "If this was just about us, K, it'd be over and done with, but you really don't understand what not having a father did to those kids. I'd have given back all the child support if it would have made you spend just one day with them". There was the disappointment in her voice, but she was growing tired of it all. She wasn't about to tell him that Sofia was planning on children, it would be a little too much, perhaps, to realise that. Then again... She turned back to him "I wonder how much those women would still like you if they knew you were a grandfather" she said, turning on her heel, not completely sure if he'd still follow. She grinned a little to herself, he deserved it even if it was a lie.
She started in on him. Here we go. She was sounding off about the kids, about his taste in younger ladies, the kids, his parents, the kids. What was with this woman? "Ohh, my god, can we shut the fuck up about all that. Who lit the goddamn fuse on your tampon this morning?" He groaned at her, matching her stride so that they were walking together. "First of all, I'm old, but I'm SURE as hell not lonely. I meet plenty of nice girls, and then I meet new ones the next night." He took a deep drag and blew it somewhat at Bonnie's face, aiming to taunt her with it. She was pissing him off, and he was gonna poke right bacl at her. "Second, I spent time with the kids. They know the number if they need me. Third, my Mom's had the flu. She'll fucking live." Another drag, another blow into Bonnie's face. "So, go fuck yourself, Bonnie. You don't know my life."
"I wonder how many of those women would still like you if they knew you were a grandfather." He sped to catch her again. "Whoa whoa, hold the fuck up, who had a fucking kid?" He figured the eldest, but who knew. "Why the fuck wasn't I told!?" He tossed the cigarette on the ground and stomped it quick, practically running to catch her. "Slow the hell down." He grabbed her arm and tugged gently, trying to get her back to a normal pace. [b]"Stop. Turn. Explain."
[[again, sorry for not matching post length and keeping this short - i'm keeping my replies a bit more brief for the next two weeks, so I can keep up around school.<3]]
"That's the point, Keegan, those kids shouldn't have to contact you. You've spent so damn long out of their life that it's not like they're going to just pick up the phone. I knew that you were an asshole but, God, I never knew you were this far up your own ass." She knew that her current tactics weren't working. She needed to come up with some other way to get through to him. She had the urge to just slap him but she knew that, beyond a doubt, that would definitely not work and it would just cause more hostility between them. If she were honest she was over playing nice and holding her tongue around him. She had tried it on the odd occasion he'd been around and probably fulfilled his promise to see the kids but now, now he wasn't doing shit about it and she was not going to idly sit around and take his bullshit anymore. She was a Welsh raised woman, even if she was half French, and that was something he seemed to forget.She mentioned the child and he bit, just as she wanted him to. He grabbed her arm and turned her around and Bonnie jerked it free. "Well considering you're a grandfather, your daughter. You weren't told because, well, let me see. Oh, I know, you've never taken an interest in your kids' lives before now to the point that your own daughter has given up even trying." She looked at him for a moment "would you like me to continue? As I said, Keegan, try talking to them once in a while you might actually be surprised. You weren't told because they believe you don't give a shit about them and, to be honest, I'm starting to think you never did."((that's fine... man this woman can serve it... even though he won't change haha))
He rolled his eyes, shrugging the entire discussion off. Boo freaking hoo. He cared about his kids, but being a father was hard at times. They expected so much from Keegan. Kids needed guidance, responsibility, maturity. Keegan possessed maybe a vague idea of what would constitute maturity and how he could provide guidance. Being a Dad and really stepping up would have been hard. Keegan didn't rise to challenges like that. He dismissed them and shirked responsibility.
And now Bonnie was set off. She could really go off like a siren when she was mad. He just let her run her mouth generally, or gave her some shit right back. She kept yapping, until the grandfather comment had caught his ear.
"So you're telling me my daughter's pregnant? Or has had a baby." He was still power-walking to meet Bonnie's indignant stride. "What the fuck do you mean, I never cared? Of course I cared." He'd done what he could, he told himself. He had his ways to justify bad behavior. "How old is this fucking kid? Is she getting married?"God knows, that's a fucking bad idea in general. He grabbed her arm again. "Bonnie, hold the fuck up. Talk to me about this fucking daughter of mine." Whatever his disinterest had been before, he was curious now.
Bonnie rolled her eyes "Pregnant, has had a baby" she said, turning to face him as he walked up beside her. She wasn't strictly lying, she had a suspicion that one of her girls was pregnant and Sofia had indeed had a baby. The fact that she had been stillborn was not something that she was going to reveal to Keegan just yet, she would tell him once he got himself worked up and worried a bit. The man deserved to have his feathers ruffled just a little bit after all. "You never cared enough to call them or return their calls, Keegan, so they stopped calling you. You never visited, so they stopped asking. Shock a rat when it goes for food and eventually it will starve itself to death." She wanted to slap the man but she really couldn't be bothered getting into more of an argument with him than she already was. Bonnie was strong willed, moreso now than when she had been married to the man beside her, perhaps because she was sick and tired of his fuck ups."Of course she's married, you were sent an invitiation to the wedding and didn't show up" she said, shaking her head. "I called you the morning of the wedding and you were too fucking hungover to even remember the date. You should know how old your own children are, didn't you say a moment ago you weren't a bad father?" She almost snapped at him but she was holding herself back not wanting to start raising her voice. Finally stopping for a moment she turned to face him "Sofia is the eldest, she is twenty three, she's been married for three years and she is no daughter of yours if you can't even be interested enough in her to call or talk to her. Her child? Female." She knew that she wasn't lying, the way she was wording things she was careful not to, but she knew he would say that she was. "She stopped being your daughter the day she changed her surname from yours to mine" she said. She knew that Keegan had never found out about Sofia changing her name to Leveque two years before she was married. Bonnie had not changed any of their names, she had been a respectful woman, but she was regretting it to a degree.She started walking again, knowing that she was going to be running late if she didn't, but also knowing that the conversation was over. Keegan wasn't going to drop it until he was satisfied with the answer, she knew that much.
"Hold up, I fucking know how old my kid is." He rolled his eyes, like it was a preposterous notion that he wouldn't know his daughter's age. But if she had asked, he would have guessed about a year off. "I want to know how old my granddaughter is." The granddaughter term felt odd. He was nervous, moreso about the idea that he was 46, and going to be a GRANDfather. It made him feel older than he liked to admit.
"She changed her name?" He narrowed his eyes, taking a final long drag on the cigarette, before twisting it in his fingers to twist the ash off, and tossing the spent filter into a bush nearby. He blew the last drag at Bonnie, instigating. She could get going, but he admittedly like to get a further rise out of people, whenever possible. Keegan wasn't above the tit for tat bickering, especially not with Bonnie. It was the only way he could hope to win some of the losing battles he faced against his own maturity.
He sped his pace back up to match hers, so he could keep talking to her. "What's Sofia's husband like? What's her name now?" Had she taken the new guy's name? Was her husband treating her right? He didn't know if there would be any recourse, if the man wasn't treating her right. But a part of him that felt some paternal instinct needed to know.
"She would be two now" Bonnie said, careful of her wording. She was only telling a half truth as far as things with Sofia went and she hoped that the girl didn't cross paths with Keegan just in case, but she knew it might happen. Still, she had an out. She wasn't lying in the slightest. Melonie would be around two now, at least close enough to it, if Sofia hadn't lost her during the pregnancy and had to give birth to the stillborn baby. The thought of it still made Bonnie feel a little bit of a pang in her chest because of it. Somehow she wanted to tell Keegan the whole truth, but she knew he wouldn't care. She knew that he wouldn't feel anything. He'd not exactly felt anything for his daughters and son after all.He blew the smoke into her face and Bonnie rolled her eyes. "She changed her name when she turned eighteen. Did you really expect her to keep yours? It wasn't like you were a role model in her life" she rolled her eyes. She wouldn't be surprised if Sofia had very little faith in men because of her father and suspected her husband of cheating or something, though as far as she knew she didn't."He's her business partner, nice guy, well off, the exact opposite of you in personality." She didn't reveal the name, she didn't want to "she's taken her husband's name, but I'm not giving you too much more. You can't just walk in and pry, Keegan, if you wnat to know about her then find her and ask, she'll be back in town this week". She wanted him to care about his children because he cared not because they would affect his image in some way or another. Of course, she knew that was an unrealistic dream but she wanted it to happen at least once before she died. Jasper was getting to be just like his father and it was putting a lot of strain on her. She was finding it hard to deal with a lot of it alone, she had done for the last fifteen years.