tadaa! glad to see me!? oh, i bet it made your knockoff prada panties so wet. since i've been away for such a long time after our christmas antics, it's only fair that i hit you with a double dosage of my daily findings. so right here, right now, here's the real dirty business. and let me tell you, you're gonna be so excited by the time i'm done. 'cause i'm gonna scrape you all up, dice you like carrots and feed to to karl lagerfeld while he sleeps. he'd probably throw your nasty virus-ridden asses up. but then, you're only really fit to feed to the cretins that try and steal my post-sex tissues for their own shrines.
What happens when someone in Ashwick decides that a party needs to be thrown? They forget who the hell they invited and their relationships. Iverson Griffin thought that it would be a marvelous idea to throw a cheap ass apartment party. He invited pretty much anyone who felt as though they wanted to come. Sisters, Harlow and Joey Pierre, showed up and showed how the hoe-ness runs in the family. Harlow is in a relationship with Jeremiah King, but she spent the first part of the night in the back room with her ex boyfriend, Tristan. Ladies if you don’t know Tristan, you might want to get at him on Twitter. Harlow and Tristan decided to show their fuck yous to Jeremiah by disrespecting him and discussing things that you just don’t talk about with your ex.
They soon departed because Jeremiah soon arrived at the party. Nazir Ortega showed up with Julius and that sent Joey’s horny little body into overdrive. She could be seen appearing as though she was Iverson’s woman. But how could anyone forget Ansley? They danced and kissed and would probably had fucked had shit not turned left. Baby sister, Sierra, arrived at the party and immediately went to her brother’s side, who appeared to be high off of something other than liquor and weed. There was a small altercation between Tristan and Nazir, causing Sierra to step in briefly. The party came to a close when Nazir shot Iverson, Sierra lashed out at Joey, and Ansley arrived with the famous quote, “Bitch, get out the damn way.”
Has anybody seen Dylan Meraz lately? No? That could explain why his sister, Kaitlyn Meraz, is taking one hell of a beating by her boyfriend. You know what this relationship reminds me of? Ike and Tina Turner. If he tells you to jump, Kaitlyn, you better jump before he beats you into another bloody pulp. You can deny the facts all you want, but I see and know all. And Dylan, if you're curious to know the person behind the assault, @CALLMEJC is his twitter. Have fun tiger! But before I get off this boring topic, I'd like to ask you one question Kaitlyn: Did you have fun with slutty Ryan Pierce? I never knew you swung that way. Looks like the world knows now!
silly me, acting like i didn’t know where Dylan was while his sister was getting ike turner’d. He was under his pale clingy mess of a girlfriend Stella.Who’s pregnant and not keeping it by the way.Can mother fuckers in this shit hole of a town please learn what condoms and birth control are ? i’m really kind of over the whole baby boom that seems to take over every time the weather warms up and you people get bored. it should be on the welcome sign out of town “Welcome to Ashwick Valley: where bastard making is a favorite past time” if you’re a tourist passing through, i suggest you dont drink the water. Obviously, it’s fertile.
Speaking of ovens, lets move on to the broken ones. yes, we’re talking about you Roslyn. her and her dirty englishman went and adopted a baby,old news we know. she flaunts her mommy hood everywhere, making us all want to upchuck blood and bile.but lucky for us, we wont have to upchuck a single thing.Lately, she’s been doing enough of that for us.The wate that’s no longer a wate is sick again. and she’s hiding it. again. we all know you are going to die bitch ! stop hiding your chemo treatments or whatever it is you cancer patients do, and just die already. so no one can miss you.well maybe your brother will, twins are connected or something, right ? So does that mean Ros knows you're having dreams about other men's pregnant wives ? wonder if you're the daddy ? you should get that looked into Devin ? opps. Happy engagement Imani !
Rosalie and roman are back together and all lovey dovey. just when we were hoping for fireworks and ‘get the fuck out my life”, we got hard sex and a proposal. Wouldn’t be surprised if another baby is on the way for the two. he may have a different last name, but he’s Lucas aarons’ brother, and we all know how fertile he is. At least roman didn’t rape Rosa to get this bun in the oven.He should teach his brother some manners. & maybe Rosalie can teach Devin how to run from the things you “love”. if she was smart she would. what kind of love forces themselves on you out of drunkeness ? do you really want that around your kids devin ? and what about that kid in your forever pregnant belly now ? how are you going to feel telling the unlucky bastard that it’s the product of daddy having too much jameson and touching mommy when she didn’t want to be touched? should be fun right ?
From one boyfriend to another, Skylar has been on the move with her men, only to find herself being the real joke in the end. Who would want to date a bipolar seagull with half of a hair? Don’t worry, I’ll wait…. My thoughts exactly, nobody. While you’re caught up into worrying about pleasing your man, Zayne, Jag has been doing a better job at doing that than you. You need tips? You should ask her for some. Because whatever you’re doing is not working, hun.
Hoes will be hoes. You would think by the amount of times that she has screamed at Nazir about seeing his ex that Joey would not want to hurt their relationship. But what happens when Joey decides to keep it all in the family? That’s right; Joey Pierre was found in the Dominican Republic having her share of Joel Ortega. Yes, the same Joel that loves Nazir, hates Sierra for being a “hoe”, and married to Onyx. No one would have suspected a thing until these two goofy ass bitches didn’t decide to air them out on Twitter. With Joey being butt hurt and Joel being back in love with Onyx, it didn’t take long for the little sister, Sierra and cousin, Antonio, to come to Nazir’s defense.
speaking of hoes,The town’s only legal sex addict Giselle is harassing malachi til he “fucks her” as she put it. She wants him and she wants him bad. I can only imagine the fucked up things she’s going to do to get him too. In the mean time doing asshole brit shane, who is very over bliss,will have to do.thank God he’s over the bitch, she’s a headache. speaking of the headache, Bliss Rose, Smithson, whatever her fuckin name is, truly is one. who in their right mind constantly bugs their husband about their happiness, if he tells you he’s happy ? that’s asking for the man to tell your blonde ass off . are you really that insecure ? i guess it’s not true that rich people dont have problems. money cant heal feelings and emotions can it ? either way, im glad she’s irritating the man. I was getting really tired of the back and forth nicknames and lovey shit in the chat. what kind of grown man lets a bitch call him pie ? really ?
Everyone knows that when it comes to biting her tongue, Sierra doesn’t know how that goes. But it shocked everyone when this unknown ass Ortega jumped from the dark bushes of Narnia and attacked the poor girl. Joey replied to Antonio, but not Sierra. Joel was only being attacked by Sierra. Let’s not forget how the family always decides to ride Joel’s dick. You had Onyx pretending as though nothing was wrong. Jona attempted to calm Sierra and tell her to let it go. But didn’t Joel disown you once upon a time? Qiana tried to add her half cents in, but was told to shut the fuck up, which she did. But while we’re still on the subject of Joel, did anyone else notice how he basically disowned Xavier because Xavier decided to get his boxers out his ass and have some fun?
Maybe it was because Xavier hung out with Lunden. But, Joel constantly bitched about how Lawrence was in the hospital. I think it’s safe to say that Twitter needs to suspend Joel’s account until he learns that the world does not revolve around his sorry ass.
Everyone knows the whole story about Chris, Kae, and Rihanna. Well, Ashwick looks like they have their very own version of them. Chris (Hakeem) has been secretly seeing Rihanna (Sierra) on many occasions. It all started when she purposely went to Ink’d to get a tattoo, knowing that he worked there. Who knows what the two did that night? Remember her first tattoo? Let’s not forget how people like Kae (Zach) despise Rihanna and think that the two should just stay away from one another. But, these two love birds just don’t care about the people around them. The two recently went bowling with one another, but all of this happened after Rihanna asked Matt Kemp (Tristan) to come over to her house. So how does she manage to juggle both of her boys? Only she knows the secret; cake, cake, cake.
lets move on to something relevant and outside the streets of ashwick's "hood". i've wasted enough time on them and their BET drama.Speaking of made for tv drama,Logan Vaughn is the perfect abc family, made for tv life time movie example of what happens when little girls think they are grown.She left her parents house, to go irritate her brother and his girlfriend, who hates her ass btw.Once she figured out that bitch evan was here to stay. she does things with her mouth that you just cant do to your brother. unless you’re into that.Anyway,once she figured out she lost that battle, she went searching for love else where. She found it in Adrian blake, who is a bit older than her and seems to enjoy playing pedo. She’s happy for now, but probably not for long, since i just ratted you out.
Then there’s Atticus. we mentioned Bliss and “pie” earlier, well atticus, or Atty as the blonde calls him, is the “is he gay ?” douche of the bunch. According to source, he’s not gay. If he is, no one has told Braelyn st James, who after having her fun with Sal Gotti & Charles Hersh at the same time, has sunk her claws into the apathetic newbie. Obviously she knows him better then we do, they have a past or whatever the fuck you want to call this sad excuse of a rejected gossip girl plot. He seems to be one of those idiots that could have a victoria’s secret model in front of him, and would still be looking for the one that got away. I never understand those kind of men. they get away for a reason. Brae’s reason ? she’s a whore of course. just like every other bitch in this town. there needs to be a support group for all the damaged little fuckers she leaves behind in her selfish wake. Cormac included. i dont care if he just married Charlotte “crazy bitch with ammo” rose, him and sure to Braelyn are doing something and we all see it. Careful, B, you could end up like the Otto girl.
Since we're on the topic of Lottie,let's air some dirty laundry she thought she hid so well. Lottie Rose and Fayre Otto. There’s a topic that’s almost worth my time. But I’m sure you little monsters will eat it right up, so here’s something I’m sure the town doesn’t already know: Fayre’s sudden disappearance? Not because her and her equally psychotic lesbian partner, Eris, decided to stop playing “will they won’t they” and ran off together. No, no, no, the crazy bitch was shot, by our favorite trigger happy blonde. Am I the only one impressed with Charlotte's stages of evolution? Homecoming ueen, Slut, homewrecker, heartbreaker, cheater, killer? Good thing she has her new 'biffle' to stand by her side, though some would question Connelly's motives behind always hanging around. Personally? I'm on board with the "she wants to be around the man who broke her heart and is now dating her best friend" train of thought. Ah, Connelly, nothing seems to work out for you. Then again, you don't exactly give everyone a fair chance--Poor Fallon never had a clue about the baby and miscarriage. But we all have our secrets, and reasons for keeping them. Just ask Fallon about his wife.
My eyes have spotted a certain hooker strapping back her hooker heels on, watch out everyone. I’ve recently spotted a former star of the gossip circle, Miss Amelie, apparently drunk and frazzled with the straps of her sandals falling off her legs. What a start, she came back and now in the gutter in less than twenty four hours, if you ask me that’s quicker than Autumn Vista disposing of a love child and falling in love with another man.
If you tell me, Ashwick is full of pussy-whipped men… a prime example? A certain fish-lipped twin that’s been going out with Miss Maci. You’d think this young couple would be all over each other, but word is, lately R. Cooper has been neglecting her, and of course you know just as well as I that girls at that age—just out of puberty—is full of raging hormones. Her vagina is pretty much an African diamond mine at the point—it needs a lot of excavating from shirtless young men, which is something R won’t give her. My sources have seen her going out with her ex… isn’t that just juicy? Mmm!
Trouble in paradise? More like trouble in the nursing home—AWW that wasn’t nice—especially when you hear about this juicy piece of gossip. I guess the town’s oldest, and I do mean oldest couple has apparently had something wedged in between them, and no! It is not arthritis or dementia… it’s another man! Word going around campus is that Mister and Missus Sheridan are having marital disputes. Filled with screaming and get this… riding in separate cars! Apparently, Mrs. S has also been getting rides from another teacher on campus, and both have been seen around town… on weekends … uh-oh, does this spell disaster for the power couple?
So I guess this whole gays getting married thing isn’t the only thing that’s rattling our state… it’s the only thing. So the lipstick lesbians Emma and Ivy have married, So have those other ones with the big house for such young kids, and I guess so has the resident nympho M.—who has done finally found himself a sugar daddy—who just happens to own the seediest strip club outside of town. I guess his many sexacapades with… everyone else just didn’t lead to nowhere. At the end of the day, he’s a whore and not a slut—cause whores get paid, and Mr. Sugardaddy is a walking ATM machine.
So I guess some sense finally came into that Cooper boy—you know, the one the mayor tried to have ‘erased’ last year, but the plan didn’t really work? Gone! Disappeared without a trace, although word says he’s somewhere out of state as he was seen boarding a bus headed to Texas, leaving the beautiful blonde behind and a gap that’s easily filled by another town crazy. Why even bother to mention this here? I know I forgot about him already.
Since we're on the topic of irrelevance, let me do James A. a favor and tell her shit.James, who was kinda in the background aka, not interesting enough for me to give two fucks about her, broke up with clingy boyfriend marco in the chat just so she could let herself get with jayden guilt free. I mean after having to deal with marco and his woe is me bullshit over a dead kid with a bitch he wasn’t even fucking regularly, james was already looking for something better.In comes Jayden thinking he’s a smooth ass.He must be, or James just must be desperate. either way, they were seen rocking the suspension of his suv in the school parking lot.They were later seen headed to hers for a second round of ..er, rocking.It’s rumored there’s a tape floating around with him eating like a starved African from her bony little ass.Marco should take some tips from the kid.he stole your girl and got her on video.because that’s what high schoolers do these days when they’re in love. that and splurge over 50 g’s on birthday gifts.You really have to love just how disgustingly unrealistic this whole little relationship is.
all aboard for the depression train.aria feels like karma is biting her in the ass after damien told her that he cheated on her. she felt like shit because of what she did to him. after everything that they were both went through, they should stick together, but no. he was thinking with his dick and not his brain. not so happy with his mistake, damien tried to killed himself but failed and aria started cutting again. aren't they just too cute ? they should do a suicide pact and call it a day.
I know a certain girl that went from being a riley whore, to playing daddy’s girl with one of sal gotti’s “men”. not sure whats going on there, but im sure it’s better than being whored out by your own flesh and blood.I really hope you had told your prince about your past, because if you hadn’t, he’s really not going to take you out in public anymore,and that fairy tale is going to end .speaking of daddy save a riley, when he’s not doting on his newest daughter or the god daughter, he’s making moves with Gotti’s other security head, simone. Keep it all in the ‘family” huh ? we’re not even mad. Just wish she’d share his fine ass.
On to one of Ashwick's younger druggies,Roxie jones got high, really high, and ran off to vegas for a very bad trip. maybe if “boyfriend’ aiden was paying attention to her, and not every piece of ass that jumped on his hairy cock, she wouldn’t have been a witness to murder and stranded in vegas until the loser boyfriend’s best friend came to scoop her up.fucking waste really. and she must be really fucking dumb to stay with his ass.
Next,Frankie Valentine is no longer a valentine. she’s a philips now. yay for her.We’ll see how long the martial bliss last with little miss fatal attraction around watching her husbands every move, trying to tempt her into her bed.she’ll have plenty of time to. since they work together. i can see this turning into a very juicy episode of grey’s anatomy. getting it on in the on call room and all
AS YOU CAN TRULY SEE IN THIS TOWN... WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS... HO'S, SKANKS AND BITCHES FROM WHAT IT SEEMS. I WAS HOPING FOR A GOOD TURNOUT THIS YEAR, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE WITH EACH NEW MONTH, THIS TOWN GETS WORST AND WORST AS IT SEEMS. ONE THING THAT NEVER CHANGES IS THE FACT THAT THIS TOWN SEEMS TO JUST HARBOR AND ATTRACT ALL THE UNWANTED, PSYCHO, SEX-CRAZED, COUGARS, PREGNANT TEENAGED HOOKERS AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN. IF IT IS TRUE WHAT THEY SAY, THAT THE WORLD END THIS YEAR THEN EVERYONE IN THIS TOWN HAD JUST BOOKED THEMSELVES A ONE WAY FLIGHT TO HELL. EITHER WAY, I'M FABULOUS AND YOU ALL AREN'T, THAT STILL REMAINS THE SAME. TOODLES, MOTHERFUCKERS!