happy april, everybody! as a thanks for completing the latest activity check, we have a new skin, new event, and new spotlight nominations for you. please see this post for more details.
march 31st, 2013
the activity check is officially OVER! if you have failed to complete it, please contact a staff member.
march 29th, 2013
Reggie Boi: damn, mami. Talkin rough to me like dat gets me hawd.
Janelle felt herself growing quite aggravated. It was like, there was no winning with Ryan. If you said something happy, you got back mad -- and if you said something fucked up you got angry in return. He was a shell of his former self and it was sad for Janelle to come to the realization that her friend maybe wasn't her friend anymore. She didn't know what to do, what to say.. how to asses the situation. "Ryan," she voiced softly, looking at him looking off into the distance. "Did you invite me here so you could berate me, or so you could take your frustration out on me... because if you did, I can just leave now. I don't need or want that.." she rolled her eyes once she finally realized what she said.
"I came here to have a conversation, not feel like I'm being attacked just for offering support."
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”What do you want?” Ryan made eye-contact with her for a second, before looking off elsewhere with a disgusted glare washing his features. He was hoping that she wouldn’t say anything dumb to him. Like he said previously, he didn’t need the sympathy, compliments, and no one trying to offer him some weak ass advice on what to do next. Instead of replying, he remained silent. What’s the point of speaking if he knew he was only going to say something to push her away? He wouldn’t care if it was someone else, but he was trying to play it smart and keep his mouth shut. Maybe he did need someone… he just wouldn’t admit that freely because of his superior “Ryan’s” pride.
Patting around his pockets for a smoke, a small sigh left his lips when he didn’t feel nothing. No drugs, no nothing. He couldn’t remain sober like this for too long -- if he did, his sober thoughts were going to continue eating him alive. ”I’m tired of sitting here.” He finally spoke. Standing up to his feet, he started walking but stopped, turning around to look back at her. ”… are you coming? And before you ask, we’re just walking around the park.”
Janelle had been taken aback when Ryan didn't actually reply back to her. She'd half expected him to cuss her out or threaten her, but maybe it was a turn for the best when he hadn't said anything. She hoped that for the presence of their friendship, as well as Ryan's mental capacity that he was finally calming down.. because the last thing either of them needed was a scene to happen knowing just how dramatic both were. When he stood up from his seat and began to walk away, Janelle's mind immediately went to the inevitable. She had definitely thought her chance at mending their friendship and being there for him had been over, that they were no longer going to be friends anymore and as soon as she'd got there the conversation would be over. She'd halfway started to put her head down in shame when he broke the silence, turning around and calling back for her. "Ye-yeah, I'm coming.." she hesitated, grabbing her purse and standing up to rush over to where he was.
She didn't know where they were going, but he said a walk around the park, shrugging she really had no choice but to go along with what he was doing. "..oh, okay? I'm totally fine with walking around the park with you. And I wasn't going to ask where you were going, for your information, I just got worried, is all.."
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Regretting about letting her tag along with him for this walk, Ryan was able to just shrug it off. He had to remember that his twin wasn’t around, neither was Landon as much. Janelle was the only one that was offering to hear him out about his problems instead of making it seem like she was just being in his business. How could you argue with that? But really, Ryan was so confused in the head he really didn’t know what to think. And he hated this feeling... a lot. To be exact, he hated being sober when it came to his personal problems
He let her words go in one ear and out of the other. All he needed was complete silence during the walk. No talking whatsoever. He walked around the park before he came to a stop, resting his backside against the tree underneath some shade. ”… I’m sorry…” His head dropped towards the ground, going with the flow of the words that left his lips. ”I shouldn’t have been treating you like shit… I shouldn’t have pushed you away.” He paused to look up at Janelle. ”Are you really here for me, or are you just saying that you are? I need to see proof. I’m tired of people saying it and leaving me the next. I can’t take it no more. If one more person does it, I’mma…” He stopped himself from continuing, knowing he was liable to say something stupid.
Janelle froze in her place at Ryan.. showing emotion. What had brought on this forbidden side of him that he hadn't shown in so long? While she'd been so happy that he was finally making a break through, she found herself lost for many words, if she could even respond to him. "Ryan," she voiced softly, walking forward to him and gently lifted his head up with her left hand. "If I weren't here for you, I wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't have continued to be your friend even though you called me names, talked bad about every choice I made, and were just cruel. I just-"
She looked into his eyes with a smile. "You're my friend and I, I care about your wellbeing, okay?"
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Ryan sighed. He couldn’t believe he just apologized and showed some type of emotions to this chick he calls his “best friend”. What was he thinking? Has he lost it? He must’ve. He hated showing his emotions. Even when he was still dating Imani, he hated showing his emotions around her. He felt like a complete bitch for letting all of these thoughts tear him down like this. His head was soon lifted up with his eyes making eye-contact with hers. Slowly, he brought his left hand up to rest onto hers, his thumb caressing around her knuckles before he gently pulled her hand away from his face. ”Just don’t touch me. If you want to get sentimental, don’t touch me and do it.” He muttered, quickly releasing her hand.
Shoving his hands into his pockets, he just nodded his head without the need to reply to that. Actions were going to speak louder than words; he already had a feeling she was going to be a failure of a friend like everyone else that claimed they “cared” about him and his wellbeing. ”Yeah, whatever, I guess…”
It was like taking one step forward only to soon take two steps back.. Janelle had been rendered speechless when Ryan had broke down to her, but the moment he'd gone back to his regular, asshat self she'd had no other thing to do except roll her eyes. It'd almost been expected for him to revert back at this point, given how much he'd been giving away already. "I'm not sure what you mean by that exactly, I just wanted you to keep your head up.. but if you don't want me to touch you, I won't touch you." there had been a slight breeze starting to pick up, blowing her hair into her face every couple of seconds.
She hated having to see Ryan like this. He'd been really defeated and she wished there was something she could do about it, but .. she couldn't. He wouldn't allow her to. If he didn't even want her to touch him, who was to say her words had even mattered today? "It really breaks my heart seeing you so down, Ryan.. and if you don't realize that then I'm not really sure you understand that there are people out here who do care about you."
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”You’re never sure what I mean by nothing.” He remarked rudely. This was a waste of time, or at least that’s what he wanted to believe it was. Janelle was looking out for his best interest. But it felt weird having someone else, other than his late twin, being the one to do that. He ran a hand through his hair while a sudden breeze came rustling through the fabric of his clothing and hair, deciding to keep his next couple of remarks to himself for his best interest.
He absentmindedly picked at his pant leg before looking up at Janelle. He let off a loud scoff. People care about him? Yeah, right. The only person giving him attention was Janelle, the rest of these other bitches were too busy scooped up into their own world to give a damn about him. Ryan didn’t want to hear that. ”Ha, that’s fucking hilarious,” He commented without a single smile or laugh. ”If other people cared about me, they sure have a stupid way of showing it. Don’t talk in the defense of others. Quite frankly, I don’t give a damn about others. Family included.”
"Actually, I do, but this time you're just talking in circles and I just don't want to jump to a conclusion with a thought and be wrong. Then, that gives you reason to believe that I'm thinking a certain way and that's not even what I'll mean. At. All. " Here Janelle had been talking in as many circles as Ryan had been, but she knew that more than anyone he would understand her gibberish in the same way she did his. The thing about it though was with her being worried about his mental health, his anger problems, as well as his lingering insecurity, it was just so hard to crack the puzzle that had been Ryan Wate.
She hadn't been too sure what he would think about her saying people did care about him because as far as she knew and the world knew, people did care about Ryan. She could tell by his reply that maybe she'd said the wrong thing way too soon. "Alright, alright.. fine, I won't talk for others, but I just feel like there's no way in hell you're disliked on the level you think you are. Believe me, you've treated me like dirt and I just really always like you still."
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”Whatever.” He murmured under his breath. He wanted to reply with some type of careless remark but decided not to. There was no point. No matter what he had said, she always wanted to try and play Ms. Fix-It-His-Solution knowing damn well nothing she was saying and doing was helping him out. And even if it was helping him out, Ryan wasn’t going to admit it either.
Ryan took a quick glance at her before looking elsewhere, his arms folding across his chest. ”That’s nice to know, Iman---Janelle. I’m just… going to go home… I’m getting a headache.” He muttered under his breath. He felt like the more he continued this conversation, the more the both of them would continue to talk in circles. He just needed to leave and talk to her later about this problem when the wound wasn’t so fresh.
Janelle frowned, pursing her lips together as she watched Ryan just self destruct. It wasn't worth it, really it wasn't, but this boy had been her best friend for the past couple of years and he'd known everything about her.. everything.. she didn't want to give up on him like all the other people in his life had done so, and yet there was just something in her that knew maybe she couldn't help him like she thought she could. Maybe this was a problem with him that went well beyond what he was talking about? She just couldn't pin point it, but she wanted to be there for him. He deserved that much from her, if anything.
As he started to move away, obviously to leave the conversation and her behind, Janelle felt the need to finally open up and say something. "Ryan," she voiced, trying her hardest not to cry. "Just please, do not push me away, I want to help you and be there for you. Just promise me, promise that you'll come to me if you ever need to talk, vent, anything.. I'm here for you."
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At the sound of his name, Ryan looked over at Janelle. ”What?’ He quickly looked elsewhere when she had the expression that she wanted to cry. He didn’t want to see that. Hell, he didn’t even want to be around when she started crying, knowing it could possibly make his mood even more shitter to know he was the cause of it.
Ryan heard enough. He didn’t want to talk about the subject anymore. He just wanted to go home. In the middle of her sentence, he grabbed her by her shoulders and pulled her body closer towards him, pressing his lips against hers. Pulling away, he turned around and started to walk away from her.. ”We’ll talk later. I…. promise. I just need time to myself right now.”
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