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Member No.: 19
Joined: 16-July 04
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Just to let you know, the lyrics are taken from a song called "Make up my heart" from Andrew Lloyd-Webber's Starlight Express, all lyrics belong to The Really Useful Group Ltd of 1992
Enjoy! (All the writing in speech marks are the lyrics from the song, I can't use the italicy bit on this bit for some strange reason!)
“It's time to choose between the two of them - I'd better make a start. Someone help me make up my heart. Tell me how to make up my heart.”
Diane had just finished work and was making her way to the car park; she couldn’t stop thinking about her and Owen, and the times she had shared with Ric. Owen was providing her with a wall of support in her role of looking after Jack, and she could not thank him enough for that. Ric had not left her, he was still making sure she was ok, making sure she could cope looking after herself and Jack, both men were being supportive.
The thing that was playing on her mind the most was the fact that she felt like she was hurting someone, someone who wasn’t herself; the person being Ric. He had always been there for her when she needed it, good times and the bad times, or when she felt like she needed someone to listen to her moans and triumphs. Owen was different, he had supported her through Joanna’s death and the two of them had realised that they could work together as a couple.
Maybe it was good to have a change in her life, a new beginning and the responsibility of caring for Jack, it didn’t matter how happy she felt when she was with Owen, she felt like she should be with Ric.
“They say two lovers can be twice the fun - They think they're being smart.”
Ric wasn’t the only one Diane felt like she was hurting, that night in the bar when Owen kissed her, she realised Chrissie had been there as well. Was Owen using her to get back at Chrissie? Diane didn’t want to be the replacement in his life, she wanted to be in it fully or not all. There are so many decisions to make she thought to herself as she climbed in her car, sitting in there a few minutes before starting up the engine and preparing to drive home.
The journey lasted forever, and she was glad when she had finally reached her home. As she gathered her bag from the back of the car, Jack’s baby seat caught her eye; she had always thought that if she had had a baby she would have liked it to been Ric’s. Painful memories of Steve and his baby she had aborted came flooding back; blinking to hold back the tears, she went inside.
Jack’s childminder Rachel was waiting inside when Diane opened the front door, Rachel took a great weight off of Diane’s shoulders, he wasn’t a burden, but she couldn’t look after him and have a full time job at the same time, Connie had already made that quite clear to Diane. Handing the money over to Rachel, she picked Jack up who was currently lying down, gurgling in his cot. The door closed, Rachel had gone, the perfect time for Diane to sit down and relax with her nephew, her one and only nephew. Kicking off her shoes, she lowered herself gently onto the sofa, careful not to make any sudden movements and upset Jack. As Diane sat and cuddled Jack, she was making a mental comparison between Ric and Owen, she knew picking the best qualities of each man was no way to decide who she liked better.
“One of them is strong, one of them is good, but both could turn out wrong so who gets the part, make up my mind, make up my heart”
She stopped for a minute, looked down at Jack and realised he had nodded off to sleep; she placed him gently down in his cot and went to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. Still on her mind was the list of qualities she liked about Ric and Owen, Ric had the advantage, she had known him longest, shared the most memories, treated her well, been together and still managed to maintain a professional, working relationship. Owen was different, but still shared some of the same qualities of Ric, he made her happy, supported her, treated her well but they were still a new couple, nothing like the length of relationship she had shared with Ric.
Diane blinked and realised what she had been doing, she was disgusted at herself, one of her best qualities was that she never pre-judged anyone or had favourites, and what was she doing, she was favouring Ric over Owen!
“I don't want one to win and one to lose - Can't tell them yes or no. Choosing one means letting one go, I can't face letting one of them go. “
Her conscience began to play in the muddled thoughts in her mind, flashbacks of the memories she shared with Ric, swirling into images of her and Owen, the birthday kiss they shared that night in the bar, it only seemed to be an insignificant recall in the chambers of memories embedded in her mind.
“You'd think two lovers would be twice the fun, it's tearing me apart.”
All this grief she was going through, Diane wondered to herself whether it was worth it in the end, Ric and her were the only relationship that seemed to work, her and Tom, well he couldn’t make up his mind, Alex, he was a different story, he needed comfort and support. Owen just seemed lonely, he was alone and felt he could confide in Diane.
“One of them has style, Sets the world alight, the other makes me smile, so who gets the part? Make up my mind, Make up my heart.”
Owen had that typical image stereotypical of what every woman wants, tall, strong and had a sensitive side, even though it wasn’t shown to often. Ric was tall, handsome and even thinking about him made Diane smile. Still thinking, Diane realised she was criticising Owen for the lack of qualities that Ric had, what had gotten into her?
Closing her eyes, Diane still replaying all those happy thought drifted into a dream, carefree and not dominated by the thought of Ric and Owen
“One of them is strong, one of them is good but both could turn out wrong so who gets the part? Please someone help me make up my heart, Tell me how to make up my heart.”
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Make up my heart, Diane's thoughts
