dycondra, where all worlds converge

[TaesoSpiritDragon]

Username: TaesoSpiritDragon

Character Number: 1

Name: Akama

Nicknames: Aka, Kami

Age: 17

Gender: Female

Height: 5 feet

Weight: 125 lbs

Eye Color:Her eyes are the color of tranquil blue green of a lagoon that seems to know more than they appear to.

Hair Color: Her waist-length semi-curled hazel/blonde hair is usually kept back in a simple pony-tail, sometimes braided for special occasions.

Appearnace: Akama moves as if she has spent her entire life hauling nets, and now is able to move freely and flex herself in directions she previously has been unable to do. Her skin appears like the color of wet sand from years spent out under the sun and on the ocean, but is quite smooth save for callouses on her hands and feet ( she walks barefoot most of the time from habit of climbing rocks). When she moves upon rocks, she seems like she is one with the earth and water, knowing where exactly to place her feet and hands for quick ascent or descent. An image of her will appear sometime on my devART gallery at www.taesospiritdragon.deviantart.com

Personality: Akama is a generally quiet girl from having learned to keep silent during a storm to hear her captain's orders. She is also well known among her peers as one who knows when to take control of a situation and when to let go, as well. Most people would describe her as one who generally likes to wander and explore new places when she needs to get away and calm down after one of her rare fits of anger ( she take a lot of prodding to get upset even the slightest bit). During her alone times, she likes to sketch in a booklet she carries around with her of the ocean life. An experimenter with food, she is rather popular with the cooks for creating unique recipies for feasts. Akama is rather partial to sweets and will often create variants of Klah to satisfy her sweet tooth and craving for variation. When a storm is coming she is often the first to notice with her sensitivity and intimate tie with the wind and sallty air, which she often goes to places where the wind is particularly strong to get inspiration for her sketches.

Sexuality: Single

Likes: Wind, swimming, climbing, dragons, her litte pet firelizard Tanaci

Dislikes: rude people, and people that hurt others for pleasure

Biography: Being the third daughter of the Seahold captian's second-mate, she is dedicated to her hold and always helped out when she is needed. Raised as the youngest, she does not share the same jealousies of her older siblings as other families do. Rather she has always kept a close link with both her brother and sister. Akama has always been known for watching sweep riders and interpreting their movements before they land to report anything unusual when she was a toddler. At the age of thirteen turns, she became more independent and wandered to greater distances from her home to seek new places of meditation.

Status: Canidate

Pet(s): Gold Firelizard named Tanaci

[Thialyn]

Sorry, can't keep my mouth shut.

We need more description. A lot more. Please describe her in complete sentences. If you would like a good example, see Kolara's profile. The description you have is detailed and paints a picture, but it's like stick figures compaired to the Mona Lisa. There has to be more substance to it.

For appearance, consider these questions: How does she carry herself? What expression is usually seen on her face? How is hair usually bound or is it left free? Is is wavy, curly, straight, impossible to control? Just put more substance in complete sentences.

For personality, just...more. Does she anger easily? Does she like the taste of klah? Is she alergic to red meat (which can happen)? Does she like the feel of the salt air on her face?

And I'm sorry. Her bio is too much like Menolly's to accept. We do not want blatant copying of Anne's original characters. She put too much time and effort into them for that. Don't steal her characters and give them a different name. This is something that I will NEVER allow. Do not try and squeak a char by after changing minor details. We do not want a hundred Lessa's running around. Take the time to create your own character and let them grow in their own way. That's the fun of RPing.

As for the flitts, sorry. Five is simply too many, and it comes back to the copying of Anne's characters. She may have wanted Menolly to have an entire fair of flitts, but here it's too much. I will allow two at most, one if it is the bronze. Queens can only be Impressed during a Hatching, or with express permission from an admin. Sorry.

And I know this critique seems harsh. You're probably thinking that I am being unfair. I will garentee you, I am not. These requests I have made are perfectly reasonable if you take the time to follow them. You're probably thinking I am being overly critical. Trust me, I'm not. Many of the issues I have with this char's profile would never fly in another Weyr, would not even make it to the boards. So please change them, and I will check them over. If more needs to be done, I will let you know. If not, consider her approved. But until then, she is not ready to play in the boards yet.

[goldblaze]

approved, much better, much better, and a side note to thia, i approved her gold flitt, so there, you want to take it up with me, get on the boxing gloves and PM me, lol XDDD

[Thialyn]

*grabs boxing gloves*


*the big balloon ones*

It was only the number I had problems with. Gold flitt is fine by me!

[WhiteSerpent]

Hate to sound like a bother, but could you please adjust your candidate's profile to fit the new template?

You have a good idea for a character. ^.^

[TaesoSpiritDragon]

WhiteSerpent, it's been reposted, over two moths ago.

[WhiteSerpent]

sorry