Future Imperfect, [ tag sean ]

Sometimes she missed him; sometimes she hated him. She hadn’t thought she would see him again.

For the longest time she treated her life as if it was run by chapters, and when she ended one, there were no recurring characters, except the boy besides her. The same boy who was slumped on his dog's back, Delta, his thumb in his mouth as he dreamed little boy dreams. Sighing she put a hand out to touch his cheek and sighing he replied by swatting it away and snuggling deeper his dog's fur. They were sharing one seat belt and she wondered if she should have put her foot down earlier and told him no.

But then Ethan tried on the old smile with a cock of his head and she felt guilt and love combining to drown her in sorrow. She could have lost him. She had no right to say no.

"We're almost there," she murmured. For answer, Delta whimpered in her sleep and nudged at Ethan's head. Some companions, she thought. In the silence, she mulled about what would be taking place.

Fickle, twisted fate delivered her back into Sean's life. Promises of salvation, undercurrents of doubt, desire, desperation. And last, the most important reason, a mother's love for her son. For days since she got kicked out from her last hideout, she tried not to think about it, but as the options slowly petered out, Carol realized there was no one else willing to help her. Even though Jack was in jail, he had feelers and connections in the city.

And he was so mad, she thought, gripping the wheel tightly that the cracked leather bit into her skin, so ready to lash out even when it's not him who would deliver the killing blow.

Don't worry, baby. I only want you.

Her friends knew this. One by one they turned their backs to her, some with the decency to give her a crooked grin, as if asking her 'What was she gonna do?' It took her a week to figure it out, slumming in the seedier parts of town, clutching at Ethan and reminding him how sorry she was for that one night. Ethan hugged her back, the love of a child so complete he had already forgotten about it. Except sometime, late at night, Carol wakes up to her son's screams, the bed wet with his piss, and Delta howling to share her master's anguish. Sean, she thought, as clarity that comes only from desperation unearthed his name from her memory.

But Sean didn't come that night, or the days after. Sean only wired money to the hospital and enough to get her on her feet after the trial ended. Sean knew about Ethan, the social services said they told him about his son, and because she knew he knew and he still didn't come, there's some malice mixed with this grand reunion of father and son, husband and wife.

Hello, asshole. Missed me?

Carol grimaced as she eased the car to the side and let herself calm down.

Ethan stirred. "We there, mommy?"

She exhaled, the sound of someone letting the air out of a tire real slow. "Almost. I think that's his place right over there." She pointed at nowhere and everywhere and the boy, who loved her so much, who trusted her completely except when the nightmares came, peered at the window and yawned.

Without another word, Carol started the car again, hoping it might break down right then and there. God's providence - which had failed her lately - being so shitty, she thought perhaps the devil might enjoy picking her up again and setting her back to the path of temptation. Some truck would stop and she and her son and his dog would hitchhike to some unknown place and start all over again. But the devil was with God on this one. The car sputtered, hissed and then smoke billowed from the hood only when she was one door away from Sean's place.

Carol shook her head, because the past was rearranging itself in her mind’s eye like a jigsaw puzzle she'd put together wrong. Then she stepped out the car and let Ethan out. The boy yawned, and with it the last remnant of sleep. Since he was still a baby, his breath smelled both sour and sweet, flavoured with milk and rice krispies. Delta shook herself and stretched. All three of them went to the front door and she heaved Ethan up so he could buzz the doorbell. He loved that.

While they waited, she hugged the boy to her. He lay in her arms, smiling.

Carol can only summon enough strength to look resigned.

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[ ooc : just tell me if i need to edit some parts. i'm still groping for back story at what happened while she was in the hospital. also, feel free to godmode my character and whoever is in the thread. <3 ]

Avery had been lounging on the couch, watching the only tv show that seemed to come on the godforsaken tv that could hold her interest. She hated Spongebob Squarepants but why was it always on? There had to be a million episodes and she felt like she'd seen half of them since she'd come to spend the summer with her brother. But then his doorbell rang and she turned her head in curiosity.

Sean never had visitors. If anything, he went out to other people's places and probably not for chitchatting. It was probably some salesman or Jehovah's Witnesses. Oh goody! She was going to get to be a bitch to some poor unsuspecting person as she made their day turn sour.

Since Sean obviously wasn't going to the door, she pushed herself off the couch and made her way to the front entrance. She didn't even bother to look through the peephole though her brother would throttle her for taking such little precaution. He had this thought that bad guys were everywhere and no woman was safe from them. As if! Avery could easily take care of herself.

She swung the door open and blinked at what she saw. A woman, a toddler, and a huge dog. It was so far from what she expected as a visitor that she looked momentarily stunned and at a loss for words. Finally she found her voice and cocked her eyebrow at the woman. "Yes?" It was far nicer than 'who the fuck are you?' that threatened to spill out from her lips.

Many sounds hit him at once. Spongebob. Doorbell. TV turning off. Avery's voice. He'd been looking through the bargain trader to see if he could find any cheap cars to restore. Sometimes you could get a really good deal if you were willing to the work. But something about Avery opening his door irked him. He had a private life that he didn't want his sister's privy too and though he'd never think one of those people from his said life would show up at his doorstep, it was always a possibility.

With a groan, he pushed away from the kitchen table and limped into the front hallway. Sometimes his knee bothered him, especially when he'd been sitting for a while and it stiffened up. The doctor's had told him to expect arthritis in it but he thought thirty was young for that. He could see himself as an old man, having to use a walker or something. It wasn't a pretty sight.

"Avery, why are you answering--" He stopped dead in his tracks at who he saw. His eyes fell on the little boy, remembering his disbelief that he had a son. He still didn't believe it completely, given her past history of lying to manipulate what she wanted. But the biggest issue about this whole situation was that Avery knew nothing about it and didn't need to know anything about it. The only one who knew anything was his grandfather. Not even his father knew about his brief marriage.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, pretty much ignoring Avery for the moment. His words came out a bit harsh but he couldn't help it. Her being here meant she wanted something from him.

Before Carol could answer, Delta launched herself at Sean, bumping Avery and almost knocking her over. Delta was a big dog, a bull-mastiff, made bigger by the three years she spent living with Carol. Back when she belonged to Sean, she has been fit and agile, reflecting the lifestyle of the man who owned her. Carol believed in feeding him French fries and milkshake, strawberry cheesecakes and half pound burgers. She moved in a cumbersome manner now, but excitement at seeing her former master lent her the grace of youth.

Sucked for Sean that the three years spent with Carol also meant ret conning Sean’s training of him. Carol was a slave to love and affection, of hugs and slobber filled kisses. Ethan even more so. The kid took it as a personal affront if Delta didn’t act like the world didn’t revolve around him. And Delta, bless her doggy heart, had been expected to deliver.

Wouldn't you know it, but she did just that.

The dog jumped Sean with a deep woof. One hundred fifty pounds of canine awesome rammed herself straight at him.

Carol, hugging Ethan closer to her, wished feverously Delta manage to break Sean’s spine.

Asshole, she thought. The tone of his ‘greeting’ hadn’t been lost to her and it made her instantly change tactic. She had been ready to be humble, to be ‘rehabilitated’, but damn if he didn’t even bother giving her a chance. Judgmental prick, she thought. Go, go, go, Delta! Drown him with dog spit!

She turned to the teenager who opened the door and gave her a wide open smile even as she gave her a subtle once over.

Huh. A little too young. Imagine that. And here she thought Sean was a gentleman. Raised proper and all that shit.

“Hi,” she said. “Here.”

She handed her Ethan, who was clearly amused at how his dog was wriggling like a dervish on top of the man. The boy’s eyes were huge and alight with laughter.

“I better get her off him,” she explained smoothly, calmly coming inside the house, not the least bit humble or meek. “Delta can be a handful when she’s this excited.”

And because that wasn’t a lie, she quickly went to where Sean was and started to drag the dog off him. She heard Ethan giggling and explaining proudly how the dog was his.

It would never be something he'd admit aloud, but it had hurt him when he lost his dog to her. But wanting to get the divorce over with, he hadn't fought her demands. But he hadn't expected the dog to remember him so well.

He went down, his knee giving out under the force of her body weight. "Get off me you big oaf." He griped, using his hands to push her face and lathering tongue out of his. As soon as Carol pulled her off, he jumped to his feet with a slight wince, rubbing his knee.

At the giggling child, he cut his eyes towards him and Avery holding him rather awkwardly. She'd never had a thing for kids and he could tell by the look on her face that she was rather put off by this one. She'd never need to know that he was apparently the fruit from his loins.

"Don't you have somewhere you need to be, Avery?" He asked her rather pointedly.

"No, not really."

After giving her a harsh look, she sighed and grabbed her purse, leaving them alone. How the fuck was he supposed to explain this to her later? She'd have questions that he couldn't answer.

"What are you doing here Carol? I sent money and I assume you used it. You're not getting anymore so you can just forget it." A muscle in his cheek twitched, remembering how she'd tricked him and used him. If this kid actually was his, then she probably got pregnant on purpose just to hold him like a dog on a leash. "If you remember, the stipulation of your settlement was for you to stay the hell out of my life." That had really hurt his pride when it had happened. His grandfather had had to pay her off and now he'd owe him. He was paying him back in small amounts but he'd never tell her that her settlement had been a loan.

She spared Sean an annoyed glance but returned to watching the girl take Ethan away. Her hand gripping tightly on Delta’s collar, Carol didn’t realize how easily her expression turned from displeasure to concern as the girl left them alone. She instantly released Delta and whispered, “Go with Ethan, girl.”

The dog shot off and managed to slip past the closing door. Carol almost followed to see what happened next, but at Delta’s excited barking and Ethan’s answering squeals she relaxed visibly, a hand over her heart. She doesn’t trust anyone with her baby boy but the dog. Mother and son didn’t find that odd at all. She turned to Sean, this time giving him her full attention.

She thought but didn’t say, These are dark times, and I just want a quiet place to ride them out. Instead she said out loud, “I guess that answers the question if you missed me.”

Her heart gave a little kick. After all this time, he still had the power to make her pulse skip. Then again, Ethan Sean Preston was an attractive man; she wouldn’t have married him otherwise. She would have gladly stayed married, too, if only he’d shown a bit of warmth, some sign he cared. Some sign he loved. But he disillusioned her secret dream about finding the one man who would love her for all she was and her retaliation had left scars. Carol revealed to him what sort of woman he really married, figuring both of them were better off just looking at the truth; he didn’t really give her a great reason to even try, after all.

She had hoped that there would be a moment when things might all fall back in place and finally she can really live her dream.

Instead the divorce happened. (Not that she doesn't admit to being the one who pursued it when the marriage turned into a shitty mess.)

The point was hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

But for a woman whose son was getting scorned, it’s even worse. The Wrath of God pales in comparison.

Carol kept the terse edge from her voice, striving to sound light and pleasant. “We were in the neighborhood and I figured you might like to see your flesh and blood, seein’ you’ve been so busy and couldn’t visit him before. I thought maybe because it was of the leg bothering you so you couldn’t drive that far.”

((SORRY ABOUT TAKING SO LONG *hangs head in shame*))

It was like rubbing salt in the would hearing his own name given to the boy. Why she'd done it, he'd never know. Maybe it was to ensure some kind of sympathy or pull on his 'heartstrings' but all it did was make him feel less inclined to get involved. It was like he was being forced to now just because she'd given him his name. "Yeah I missed you like I missed my leg being in a brace." He said sarcastically, heading into the kitchen to grab a beer and nearly swallowed it down with one gulp. "He'll be fine with Avery, by the way. She'll probably take him down to the garden area." Avery hated kids, as far as he knew so he was sure she was having a grand time. He didn't bother explaining who Avery was, though he was sure that in their past, he'd mentioned his two sisters to her. But she could think whatever the hell she wanted to.

He pointed to a chair, giving her a no nonsense glare that gave credence to his time in the Marines. "Sit. And don't give me anymore of that 'in the neighborhood' bullshit. You're in fucking Hatteras. Why on God's green earth would you be here but to see me. I suppose I should be flattered but you always had your motives." He sneered at her but then his face softened, rubbing his temples. Carol was a part of his life that he wished he could erase or do over. He knew he was an asshole and that he'd never been able to give enough of himself to any woman after his accident. He'd been a different man before then and a part of him wished she could have known him. But despite everything, he still felt that obligation to her and his...son. "Are you in trouble?" He asked her, point blank.