When you think of philosophy, what comes to mind? Do you think of Aristotle, Thomas Hobbes, and Nietzsche? If those are the only names to come to mind, perhaps you aren't Philosophy Club material. Headed by Bertrand de Pensιes-Profondes, a French transfer student who was sent to Hogwarts to get out of mainland Europe, the club meets every Sunday afternoon, officially.

These members of the club have grown together outside of the club, despite their varying ages and houses. They can often be seen sitting under the largest tree near the lake, one quoting the most obscure philosopher they had managed to find in a second-hand book store over the holiday. The others will be sitting with their eyes closed, poised to debate anything they deem incorrect by their oh-so-educated points of view.

If anyone else in the school dared begin a conversation with one of the members of this club, they would undoubtedly be struck down by their superior knowledge. Therefore, only a very few dare to say anything to them besides "pass the eggs... you great nance."

Playbys are merely suggestions.

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bertrand de pensιes-profondes - ravenclaw - seventh year {future distinguished philosopher}

• is the president of the philosophy club
• went to beauxbatons for four years before transferring to hogwarts
• considers himself an expert in all enlightenment era philosophy
• if this were another time, betrand would possibly be considered one of the most flaming fairies of the castle. speaking with propriety, however, betrand is, at the very most, "one of them" and at the least "a little... different." he hardly flaunts homosexual relationships, of course, but his mannerisms speak for themselves
• won't let anyone into the club until they have memorized voltaire's candide well enough for an impromptu quiz
• despite being in ravenclaw, little goes his way when it comes to academics. he spends far too much of his time waxing poetic about philosophy to do all of his work
martin cohn

glinda crook - ravenclaw - seventh year {future activist for expansion of wizard freedom}

• is fluent in ancient greek and latin, in order to better read ancient philosophy in its original languages
• is the only student in the school to write so much on one charms essay the professor gave her extra credit in self-defense
• has harbored a crush on bertrand since the day she met him, blissfully unaware that he is as queer as socrates' third testicle (due to Hogwarts' non-disclosure policy on homosexuals)
• is raised by her grandmother, maggie crook, due to her parents living up to their name and going on a crime spree throughout Diagon Alley, only to eventually be sentenced to permanent oversight in st. mungo's
• currently planning to live by writing novels of philosophical insights and then selling her memoirs
jordan richardson

chroniculus punnet - gryffindor - sixth year {future magical historian}

• has a love of wordplay so severe that one day glinda silencioed him for her own sanity
• is a constant annoyance to his dormitory mates, as before bed he recites his self-penned "ten commandments of a philosopher"
• plays on the gryffindor quidditch team, and attempts to discuss the ethical implications of feigning seeing the snitch
• interested in precisely two subjects: history of magic, and ancient runes
• has written four accounts of his life thus far
• has a life-long aspiration to prove that jean-jacques cousteau was actually a very well-disguised ogre
aiden andrews

heliotrope willis - hufflepuff - fifth year {later leads "troll rights movement}

• has read approximately 238 books on trolls
• has a massive inferiority complex about not being sorted into ravenclaw, and makes it up by working doubly hard and being foul to everyone
• misunderstood the beginning of puberty as symptoms of a disease, and maintains that her chest is "abnormally large" (it is, really)
• constantly irritates the librarian by presenting petitions (signed by the rest of the club) for a wider variety of philosophy books in the library
• has a love-hate relationship with artemius lawson; she wants to date him, but continually rebuffs his advances because he is against the advancement of trolls
• has a chinese mother and a white father
ping hue cheung

artemius lawson - hufflepuff - fifth year {future activist against trolls}

• is possibly the nicest boy in school... if you're a full-blooded human. he believes trolls and ghosts are an abomination, let alone vampires, werewolves, and giants
• asks out heliotrope at least once a week, and often twice
• is particularly skilled at transfiguration, perhaps because he is interested in finding a cure for werewolves and vampires via permanent human transfiguration
• is probably the most precocious of the philosophy club, having been the first to speak, to read, and to quote machiavelli at his mother
• tends to refuse to speak to anyone he deems intellectually inferior
• but really, he is a nice guy. really
• has a chinese mother and a white father
rojam wang

agatha chubb - slytherin - fifth year {future historian}

• the only slytherin in the philosophy club
• lives up to her last name, in that she is quite large
• speaks the least out of the whole club, and rarely reveals her extensive knowledge of 17th century philosophers except when conversation already calls for it
• being half-blood and not crafty enough to hide the fact, she is not all that accepted within her own house
• has never once had crush on a boy OR girl, thinking perhaps she may have a hormonal problem
• cries on the drop of a hat
• excellent at potions, and was invited to the slug club purely because of that, although she hardly fits in there
christina schmidt

hambledon quince - ravenclaw - fourth year {future magical theoretician of crazy ideas}

• postulates that reading actually reduces the brain power, and that the only way to really learn is via theater
• very feminine, because his parents never made it a secret that they wanted a girl, unlike most pureblood families
• due to the above reason, his father continually forced hambledon to learn interpretive dance and become a boy soprano. he is often goaded into performing at pureblood parties, and thus is the butt of many jokes at school. he maintains his voice by his father's questionable use of magic preventing it from dropping
• the club is the one place he feels that he can express himself and his love of philosophy and literature
• has been cornered by rude older males so often in corridors that glinda has taken him in as sort of a younger brother, and she often can be seen escorting him to class.
thomas penfound