i told myself i wouldn't be the one who started this topic, but it looks like the situation calls for it!

but yeah, basically this is a place to rant and rave. no obligation to reply to anyone (unless you want to), just somewhere to get your frustrations out.




LIKE THE FOLLOWING

ok, this is totally my fault for procrastinating and being a bad student. but. 12-page research essay on issues i have no knowledge of, done in 8 hours. that's right, i completely bs'd it. as usual. :|

i didn't even have time to proofread it and it probably makes no sense at all.

k this is going to be a long rambling rant about real life events that you probably don't care about and are in any case rather depressing so i've put it behind a spoiler to save you having to read it :|

[spoiler=durrrr]soooo

a bit of background information first, i guess

for a long time now my friend has been in a semi-abusive relationship with my other friend. uh, lol, said other friend is also a paranoid schizophrenic and generally not a very nice person. he's had repeated affairs with other people and lol idek he's just a horrid person i guess.

but anyway he and this girl have been broken up for a long time but he's been trying to get back with her for just as long - something she pretty much invited despite being told countless times how bad an idea that was. eventually i just decided - hey, not my problem, right? whatever, i won't get involved any more.

except this weekend he went off totally crazy and put the beat down on his ex. her parents are on holiday - she's alone in the house. she almost didn't ring the police but for myself and charlie, which was a p difficult decision seeing as the guy is also supposed to be our friend. i digress. so during this exchange i find out that uh for the last... month? this guy's been fixating his illness on ~me~

that involves making up all kinds of uh well frankly awful things about me and convincing his ex - the chick i actually did consider a close friend - that i was a horrible person. and the thing is, i know he's ill. i know that. but it still is incredibly painful to find out that someone that you trusted and considered a close friend has been spewing total, horrid bile about you for a long time. he's even destroyed some of the stuff i've left in his car, lol.

so anyway he performed a beat down on this chick and i've been staying here with her because her parents are on holiday and we're kind of collectively afraid of being stalked or stabbed or whatever. and i can't help but sit here and wonder why i'm here. why i'm bothering with these people any more. and i feel kind of awful for thinking it - i know she needs my support, blah blah. but it seems like a lot of shit to deal with. a lot of shit i don't think i can deal with.

sdjgssg;kj
tl;dr my life sucks rn[/spoiler]

holy shit bez

that sounds like a terrible soap opera. are you guys alright?





also

why do people think up these things

Not even going to bother doing a cute little cut thing because this probably won't be too long...

Okay, so I'm an art history majour and we're required to take a drawing course. i fucking hate drawing because i'm super bad at it. seriously, I don't even doodle. But whatever, i'm in it because i need it to graduate. The teacher seems cool and likes me and I'm working hard on my assignments but I work better at night because i'm crazy and don't really like working with other people around. We have class sessions that are basically just, like, three hours you can work on your project. I stopped going to those and started going into the studio at my own time (like, from 7pm-1am or something usually) and working on my shit when it was quiet and there weren't people distracting me and everything. I get all my assignments done on time and we have class critiques where the students hang their work and everybody goes around giving advice, praise, and criticism. I participate a lot during that and my teacher has even pulled me aside and told me how insightful my critiques are. (did i mention i want to go to grad school for design criticism?) anyway, i go into class today because i think we have a critique and it turns out that we just turn in the assignment. I walk in the room and the first thing my teacher says is "I thought you dropped my class! I told everyone you had dropped my class!" in a half-joking, subtly snide manner. I just say, "haha. nope." after a while, i go up to her and ask her if we can talk about attendance/assignments/grades and she kind of mocks me mimicks my tone and is like, "Okay! yeah! Lets talk about it then! :D" and gives me kind of an 'eat shit' look. and i just explain that i have all the assignments done and have been there for all the critiques and i actually have the assignment everyone in class is working on complete already and she's just like, "well that's impossible because i told everyone to keep on making stuff even if they're done! they have to work until the end! even if they're done!" like... busywork much? anyway, i'm just like, wow, sorry. didn't know that. can i show you my project now so you can tell me if i need to eat a dick and start over or something? and she asks if it's a rectangle and i say no and she says something to the effect of 'it better not be' and i bring my piece in and hang it up and she's like, "it looks like a rectangle to me!" and then i'm just like, "uhm. i guess because i drew it on a piece of paper? but it's not actually square... you want us to cut it out and i'm fine with that..." and she's like, "yeah. i'd cut it out on the drawing lines" like, okay, cool. then it's not a square? why are you being mean to me? :[ and then she goes back to how it's not done because we have to work on it until she says stop and goes on about my attendance and is like, "I'm not giving a grade for nothing! you just did these by yourself! my experience is that people who do things by themselves only do what they can do! they don't push themselves! you need perfect attendance to even pass at this point! No amount of talking can get you out of that!" and i'm just really respectful and tell her i understand and not even talking a lot. I'm REALLY frustrated because i've been working really hard but it's just not been at the designated studio times which i've done before (i've taken two photography classes and it was the same set up. i didn't go to the day-time studio times but i worked at night and went to the critiques and got an A+ and a B+ in the classes...) and i might just get a D or something because my teacher's like, hating me for not doing my art at the school sanctioned times. It sucks and I had a work appointment about an hour and a half into the three hour class period so i told her, "i have to leave for work in about half an hour.." and she just throws her hands up in the air and is like, "Well I can't live your life for you!!!" omfgggggggggggggggggggggg



Just a note: one project of mine was a tedious collage that involved drawing multiple sketches, tearing them up, gridding off a thing, other misc. steps and another piece had me drawing 2,057 boxes. dude, i'm about to rage all over everyone forever if she fucking failed me for this shit.

asfasdfa asdfasf;a asfjsdlfajsdf asdfasf asflajsdfasjdfasf
sadflasjflasf asldfjaslfjaslf sadfjaslfjdsf dsfslf sldfjaslfjasfdsa
):

pretend those are words. idk i had a rant and i lost it. i'm just
feeling mopey and nostalgic today.

no details for now but uh fml

ALL RIGHT. I have a lot to say. Don't even bother reading it.

Well, over the summer me and this guy, Tristan found out that we wanted to be more than the complete BFF's that we were. But, being a girl who always expects the worse possible thing to happen was like OH NOEESS. And me being a girl who is really easily convince-able was like EHHHH OK. So everything was all fine and dandy right? Wrong. He was all like ILYSOMUCH. And I was like, RUN AWAY. I have commitment issues OK? And then I didn't talk to him for a week and he was like WTF MAN? THEN, I found out that he was dating a girl when we got together (diff. schools). So I was all, OH HELL TO THE NAW, MR. SCHUE (get the reference?). So I was just ignoring him. Then when we finally talked again his excuse was, "Well. We aren't together NOW." CUZ THAT FIXES EVERYTHING. SO, I was all pissed and he said it was my fault anyway. It was this long thing filled with screaming and crying and basically I told him to eat shit and die.

YESTERDAY, I found out that he got into a car wreck. And he wasn't wearing his seatbelt. So, after the car flipped over like three times, the door opened and he fell out. Where he was hit by the car that he was in. Now he is in a coma at the hospital with like ten million broken bones.

MORAL: DON'T DATE YOUR BEST FRIEND, OR YOU WILL GET HIT BY AN EFFING CAR.

I feel like crap.

man everyone is having it rough today

brain fried, no coke in vending machine, horse bucking fit, tired, sad, no muse. ):
(just to add to the pile of march 29 misery, haaaa.)

adding onto the 'no details but fml' crowd nbd

sorry to hear about everyone's shitteous times. :/
i'm also super down today and have been for the week for the following reasons.

1) i'll spare the details but my roommate who i thought was a very good friend did something extremely bitchy and it keeps coming up and all i want to do is forget about it and move on but i'm seriously feeling like a prisoner in my own house because i hate leaving my room.

2) also i am financially fuckedddddd and have insane court fees and all kinds of things i need to take care of and my health is all fucked too and i can't do anything about it because i have no money. i am so fucking tired of being poor.
2b) i also have a lot of anxiety about my transfer applications because if i don't get into some of these schools with a pretty awesome financial package i don't know if i'll have the funds to continue going to school where i'm at, so i might have to put my life on hold for a little bit. which bums me out like you won't believe. nothing is going my way at all and all i do is work and work and i see no end. transfer applicants usually get pretty shitty financial aid too so i really don't know how this is going to end up.

3) i sort of want to break off my relationship with my significant other but i sort of don't. i dunno if i'm just getting used to a routine and i don't want to deal with breaking it even if i'm not entirely happy with what i'm doing. i've been thinking about this for months but it feels like every time i sum up the courage to move on with my life something comes up where i really need him or he really needs me.

4) i also burned my dinner and i'm so hungry right now boo :(

man just

just fml

man.

just... ARGHHHHHHHH.

that's all.

bad break up. 'nuff said. :(

nooo ):
if you need someone to talk to you, you know i'm here, bb <333

found a weird not-sore in my mouth and googled it. idk if this is similar or the same thing or what. like it isn't even near a tooth but this is a quote i found:

hugging myself, rocking back and forth, crying into my dentist's voicemail, nbd omg

have talked self down, nvm. probably no dying teeth or jaw removal for me

I didn't get accepted.

spent two days slaving over costumes (PLURAL) for a huge ass uni event to have everyone bail on it at the last possible minute.
could have spent that time pretending to study. or working on one of the other millions of things on my to-do list for this week.
people suck. fdjkshfkenhgjkrewngl

Was supposed to meet with this girl/interview for this position I was REALLY excited about at this museum. set my alarm for 7:30 and was supposed to be at her office at 10. I unknowingly set my alarm for 7:30PM and woke up at 10:45.

FUCK
MY
LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

man.
had something that bordered on a panic attack whilst driving. for absolutely no reason at all, nbd. insane stomach cramps, uncontrollable breathing, dizzy, blurred vision, cramped hands, couldn't feel my fingers. whilst going 100.
spent a good half hour on the side of the freeway trying to pull myself together. ngl, i was freaking.

this looks tame but i uh
spent about 40 minutes hiding
in my bathroom
because the tornado siren went off
this was my night:



nbd

i have a brother.
FML.

guys, if i don't appear at any point tomorrow it's because i've turned into an ice cube, okay? or i may be in hospital because my nose has dropped off due to cold + poor circulation

THE WHOLE HOUSE IS FUCKING FREEZING THERE IS NO ESCAPE

ohmygod, i hope you're okay

OMG NICOLE MY HEAT IS OFF TOO OMG SO FUCKING COLD
cuddle up
:(

i live in california

...

B)





no but seriously, i hope the heat comes back for you guys, omg

my entire life is crashing and burning around my ears and there is nothing i can do to stop it

B)

these next two weeks...

god.

the fact that i can't post in the cbox any more from my phone is actually quite upsetting D:

edit: i'm also currently locked out of my house...

came home after a night away to the house temperature turned down.
now have a semi-hibernating hedgehog and no vets open to help us...
): scared

NOOOOOO OMG :(

... don't mind me.

so uh the world decided to hate me today, and i've only been up ninety
minutes. job placement fell through. all the friends i miss from college
are going to a party back in marshall i can't go to because i can't drive
and hey, i'm a horrible person, too. mom threatened to throw me out of
the house again today. that was after i discovered she wasn't making
food for the third day in a row because no one is hungry. except me, i'm
starving. but according to them that's a good thing because i'm a fatty
anyway and i'll look better if i lose some weight. oh. got an email today,
stating i'm missing a piece of financial aid paperwork. it's now so late
in the game that i might not have enough for next semester. and no job
this summer. and i miss my friends. and i just don't even have the energy
to fix that application i worked all weekend and then some on. and i think
i'm going to go crawl in a hole and die now. that sounds about right. why
did everything decide to go wrong in the same ninety minute time frame?

but i'll get over it.

I DON'T EXIST

bez doesn't exist :(

i am the red headed stepchild of the family and may have just been screwed over by my mother as far as student finance goes

FUN UPDATE: i have also been forced to shack up with some random friend to avoid home, nbd

my ex-flatmates are such bitches. i hate them. i wish i was less of a vindictive little shit and could concentrate more on my actual friends. but omg. i hate them, and i'm still pissed that they talked behind my back, were stupid enough to let me hear it... then had the nerve to not say sorry and pretend like everything was fine. what a bunch of fuckheads. i read all those positive thinking blogs but i never actually employ any of the skills when push comes to shove. =/ GRRRR, DIE OLD FLATMATES.

i hate jules for abusing my trust :(


ALSO I DON'T EXIST

also your flat mates sound like the worst, amanda

OKAY SO.
I completely blew my last semester at college, and because of that I no longer have a passing GPA. Oh, and the reason I blew it is because I was in the hospital for a week and my teachers just hate me. One, after that week (even though I had notes from the hospital and student health center), told me not to come back to class. Asked him for work to catch up on, he said talk to your advisor about dropping my class. It was too late to drop the class. I got a nice little F for that class.

I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE I WAS PASSING OUT WITH HARSH PAIN IN MY TORSO. THE DOCTORS HAD BE ON HYDROCONE AND ZOFRAN. NARCOTICS LIKE WTF. THEY EXPECTED ME TO COME IN!?

I also have a tumor. Awesome.

I should have gotten three credits for theater, especially since I didn't want to do it last semester anyway. I did them a favor by coming in after auditions and taking a role. LITERALLY. Didn't even audition and did so much fucking work. They gave me ONE FUCKING CREDIT. REALLY. It was an A, but one credit doesn't go far.

Hoping they put me on academic. Praying, praying, praying that I don't get a phone call saying they don't want me back.
Just want to cry.