I can't see your star.......



I've been locked away in this dungeon for...I don't even know how long any more. Days? Weeks?....I've seem to have lost track. My first couple of days here Henry's guards asked me if I would go to him. But I refused each time, I would not go to a man whom I didn't love. Now the only time when they guards come to me is to toss bits of stale bread and rotten fruit into my cell. I'm also given a cup of stagnant water, which I must drink as disgusting as it is. Now that Henry has lost interest in me the guards can do what they please with me. However, when one of the them grabbed at my dress the other day, I cut him across the face with a rusty nail that I found on the dirt floor of my cell. They seem to keep their distance now....

I can't see your star.....
Though I patiently waited, bedside, for the death of today......

I don't know why I'm still alive, is Henry planning on keeping me here forever? There are nights where I pray to the Goddess that I won't wake up in the morning, even if I were to be sent to Hell, I'm sure it's much better than this place.

I can't see your star....
I can't see your star.....

But there are somedays that I do wish to live, and it's on those days which I think of him. His name is Ruarc. I met him in the marketplace a while back. I hit him in the back of the head with an apple...by mistake of course, I was trying to knock over a stack of bottles to win a piece of jewelry. I apologized over and over again but all he did was laugh at me, saying I had horrible aim. He called me Snow White, and at first I didn't understand why, but he explained to me it was because of my fair skin and my dark raven black hair. We became friends and we enjoyed each other's company everyday after chatting and sharing a quick bite to eat. Of course he was absolutely the most handsome man I had ever seen in my entire life but being a lady, I never let him know how I felt...I waited for him to make the first move...but it never came. At least we could be friends if nothing else.

One night while in my chambers, he woke me up, I don't know how exactly he got into my room, or how he even knew where I was staying but he found me and I'm glad he did as he told me that Henry's men were after me and I needed to leave at that very moment. Ruarc took me to a place where I could be safe until he could get me on my way to Germany the following night, however Henry's men were no fools and they were able to track me. They found me and threw me into this God forsaken place.....And now I wait for whatever is to come....

And I'm alone now
Me and all I stood for
We're wandering now
All in parts and pieces, swim lonely
Find your own way out now



lyrics: Your Star by Evenescence

I learned my fate tonight. I learned that I was to be burned at the stake tomorrow morning at exactly 10 am. The King has ordered this to be my fate, not because I'm a witch, but because I will not sleep with him. Although he is telling all the villagers that he has caught a witch and is planning to make an example out of me to be a warning to all the mystics of how much power he has.

But I know for a fact, that Henry has a bevy of mystics that are working for him. I know this for a fact because his magician has cast a spell on this horrid cell that I have called home for the last few months. As much magic as I try to use to break me free...nothing works. I've tried everything, even shedding my own blood...but I'm trapped.

At first when I was told of my fate, I wanted to cry...what did I do to deserve this? Absolutely nothing. I've always been a docile mystic, never doing anything that would cause harm to anyone, obeying the Mystic Codex to a tee. This would be my last night in this Goddess forsaken place, tomorrow morning will be the first time I've been outside in months....and it will be my last.

I sat silently, praying to the Goddess that I may be returned to earth in some way shape or form. I have followed Her and obeyed Her, and I love Her....She will protect me, for I am one of Her children....

As I prayed I heard my name called softly from the shadows and as I opened my eyes I saw the shape of a man. "Lily..." He repeated again, and I knew the voice immediately.

Ruarc.

He stepped forth and moved to my cell, telling me that he had cast a spell on the guards and he didn't have much time to try and free me. He tried everthing that he knew how to do but the magic that bound me to this malevolent cell would not budge. I told Ruarc my fate, and I could see the pain and hurt in his eyes that he could not do more for me. I smiled the best I could, telling him that I did not fear death anymore, that the Goddess would return me to earth at some point. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I felt he was my soulmate....but I could not, I didn't want to cause him more pain....I didn't want him to do something that would put him in the line of death.....

I took my necklace off, it had been passed down to me from my mother, as it was passed to her by her mother, and so forth. The chain was silver and the pendant had our family crest on it. A fire breathing-lion surrounded by ivy engraved on the front, rubies encrusted the the back side of the pendant. I told him to lean forward and I put my hands through the bars, slipping the necklace over Ruarc's neck and tucking it into his shirt. I told him that the necklace would give him a sign when and if I returned to earth.

We both looked up as we could hear footsteps of men stomping down the stairs, I told Ruarc to leave before they found him with me. I told him that I would be fine. I smiled as I looked into his eyes, memorizing every one of his features, I wanted his face to be the one to comfort me tomorrow at 10 am.

One last look, and he was gone.

I woke the next morning by a loud banging on my cell bars, slowly I opened my eyes only to see several guards leering at me. Thin smiles spread across their faces. The had come in several minutes after Ruarc left last night to watch my cell, making sure that I did not try and escape. I could see sunlight shining through some of the cracks in the wall, so I knew it was morning, but I didn't know what time exactly it was. And I wasn't about to ask the guards.

The cell opened and one of the guards pushed a bowl of clean water and a tiny cracked mirror across the ground with his foot towards me. They told me to clean myself up. They threw a long white linen dress into my cell and told me to change into it. I picked up the dress and then looked at the guards, wondering if they were going to leave while I put it on. They didn't budge but grinned even more as they stared in my direction.

I held the dress up to me, it was pure white, which I thought was a funny color for the King to give me since he thought of me as unpure and unholy. But it was clean, I have been in the same dress that I was captured in months ago. It was once beautiful, made of the finest silk and satin, emboidered with gold thread and pearls, but now it dirty, ripped, and blood stained. I felt humilated as I began to remove my dress, I did not look at the guards faces but I could imagine what they looked like as I let my dirty old dress fall to the ground. They laughed, whistled, and said very nasty things that they wanted to do to me, and I tried to hold back my tears. As I reached for the white dress the guard snatched it away along with my old dress and ordered me clean myself up. I covered myself as best I could using the old dirty sheet that I used to cover myself up at night. I began to refuse, and demanded my clothes back. They laughed and told me that if I did not want to clean myself up, then I didn't have to. They would do it for me. That was something I did not want to happen, knowing full well what they would do if they got a chance to touch me. Quickly I dropped the sheet and sponged myself off, ignoring their calls and laughter as best I could. I looked blankly into the mirror, I could hardly recognize my own face anymore. My hair, which once was raven black looked like it was graying now, because of how dirty and dusty it was. Once I had finished cleaning up they tossed the white dress back into my cell and I quickly pulled it over my head, feeling a lot better that I finally was decent again.

They told me in just a few minutes that they would be leading me outside and that the entire village had come out to see a real live witch be put to death. They turned and went into the other room, saying that the King wanted me to have a few moments to myself, to think about how easy this would have all been if I just had went to bed with him.

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply, trying not to think of what the next few minutes would bring, instead I tried to focus on Ruarc's face, hoping and praying that he was safe somewhere.

My last minutes flew by quickly, and before I could even get a chance to calm myself down the guards where returning to my cell. The opened my door and stood there waiting for me to come to them. I stood up slowly and walked towards them, it was no use to try and fight or run....my fate was sealed.

I didn't look back, only forward as they began to lead me up the long winding stairs, I could hear other prisoners yelling and screaming, this place was death...no one made it out of here alive.

I tried not to think of anything that could have been, but it was hard not to. I kept thinking how my life might have been if I would told Ruarc how I felt, maybe he would have returned the same feelings to me, and maybe, just maybe we would have both left England before any of this happened. It was no sense on dwelling on 'what ifs' anymore....

Never thought that I'd be leaving you today
So alone and wondering why I feel this way
So wide the world
Can love remember how to get me home to you
Someday


We came to a stop in front of a large door, I could hear crowds of people shouting from the other side, then I heard the church bell as it began to ring. It was 10 am. These would be my last few minutes on earth, I thought as the doors began to open. A rush of fresh air hit me in the face, I would have welcomed it if not for the fact that that just ahead of me I saw the stake where I would be tied to. The bell was on ring nine and the guard behind me poked me and told me to get moving.

We'll be together again
All just a dream in the end
We'll be together again


I slowly began to walk out into the street, looking a head, showing no emotion on my face as moved forward. There were crowds of people gathered on both sides of me, some were silent, some yelled horrible things at me. They called me Child of Satan...Witch-Whore....Children giggled and threw stones at me as I passed by them. Children were so innocent but were fed lies and stories from their parents. They were the ones who made them so hateful.....

So many fears were swimming around and around in my mind
Who would have dreamed the secrets we would find


I came to a set of steps that would take me up to a platform. I shifted my eyes forward and my gaze fell on the stake that I was about to be bonded to. A guard poked me in the back to start moving again. I started moving again, my legs felt heavy and it took more of an effort to walk that normal. There were three men lined up beside the stake. A guard, a Catholic priest, and a man with a lit torch. The guard moved forward and grabbed my wrists practically dragging me over to the stake. I felt the leather strap being wrapped around my wrists. It was so tight, the straps were cutting into my skin, and I could feel blood from the cuts trickle down my hands, and drip slowly off my fingertips and onto the platform. The next strap was tied just under neath my breasts, again the gaurd made it as tight and as uncomfortable as he could. My chest could barely expand to take a breath, my ribs ached. The last strap was wrapped around my feet, pulled tight as it could go. The priest moved forward and began to address the crowd, saying that he wasn't even going to bother asking me to repent my ways, God would not ever forgive a Witch. I couldn't hear what else he was saying, as I was preoccupied with the guard who was continuing to make sure I was as uncomfortable as possibly. The last thing he did was remove my pin that held my hair in a somewhat neat pile on top of my head. My long black hair fell in a long cascade of curls and hung loosely around my body.

The man with the torch began to come closer to me, my body trembled slightly as I anticipated the flames. The crowd cheered as the torch lit the kindling around my feet. It started to glow and then a little flame rose up. And just as quickly as it caught on fire...it went out. I couldn't help but wonder if perhaps Ruarc tried to save me again...I liked to think it was him who put that flame out.....

The torch was touched to the kindling again and flames rose up once again, this time they did not go out. The crowds cheered, but I refused to look at them, instead I focused on the flames that began to spread like wildfire around my feet. I didn't want to give the people satisfaction, They wanted me to scream, cry, plead...I would give them nothing.

I felt the heat, I felt my skin growing hot, it would be over in just a few minutes, but these last minutes would be more torturous than anything I could think of. I closed my eyes, prayed to the Goddess.....

Flames licked around the egde of my dress, until it finally caught fire. In just a matter of a few seconds the entire bottom of my dress was engulfed by flames, I could feel my skin practically melting...It was so hot.....painful...I wanted to cry....I wanted to scream....Then the flames stretched up a bit more, it began to creep up my hair, my long beautiful black hair began to smolder and burn.....

I've found a world
Where love and dreams and darkness all collide
Maybe this time
We can leave our broken world behind


...And I closed my eyes, in those last few fleeting seconds I thought of Ruarc, I wondered where he was...Was he here?...Was he somewhere else? I would never know. I took my last breath, thinking of how he might have held me, what his lips would have felt like.....

A tear fell from my eye and then I let the flames consume what was left of me.....

We'll be together again
All just a dream in the end




Lyrics: Together Again by Evanescence