Cbox rating is PG-13. Discussion of politics and religion, OOC drama, arguing or offensive material is prohibited. Be respectful, 'cause you're all awesome and you can be. ;]
05.16 @ 12:42pm
We are now allowing members to play on up to threeinternational teams (including Britain).
05.15 @ 9:25am
Activity checks are in progress. If you need a character reactivated, please post in maintenance. The Gossipmongering Hags are hiring!
5.13 @ 10:25pm
A newsletter has been posted regarding some new policies that will be implemented in the future.
5.05 @ 11:00am
It is important that our occupation history records are up-to-date. Please take a moment to double check that all of your characters are on them and their data accurate :)
5.01 @ 12:16 am
We're now accepting summer temporaries! Got a few summer adoptable? They have their own list this year! We're also in the month of May! Congrats to Anastasia and Olive who won Posting Wizard for April with 306 and 209 posts respectively!
04.28 @ 10:58am
Information on the QWC countries has been reposted to assist in the creation of international players!
:I feel like, I would like to be somewhere else doing something that matters and I'll admit here, while I sit here my mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather
Cash wasn't particularly pleased that the hug was ended, but supposed that the longer they stood that way the more likely it was someone would walk in. "Oh?" he said, wondering what could possibly have Eli so nervous now.
Ahh, the fight. He had been an ass, and whatever had happened was something that... Okay, so Cash felt a layer of anxiety building on a level of his brain. He wasn't Tiberius, logic and reading people and no feelings. He didn't do well with this sort of thing.
"I'm sure it's not that bad," Cassius said. He had definitely heard worse things, lately. Worst case scenario, he thought, Eli was about to tell him there was a house elf living in the floor and about to report them to the Daily Prophet.
Cash was sure it wasn't that bad. Well, that was nice, except that Eli was pretty sure that it was that bad.
"Don't be mad," he said cautiously, mentally bracing himself for whatever would come next. "It was after our fight and stuff and I was upset and I didn't know that you felt like--all that, you know--I had no idea about--anything--I didn't know anyone--felt--like that," he said, tripping over his words. Validation was still something he was struggling with; he'd been told things like this were wrong, but first Iggy and now Cash--did that make it right, or just more common than he'd realized? Had he and Iggy just been in mutual sin together?
Well, no matter what it was, Eli knew that one thing was still true--if you were courting someone, or if you were--in a similar sort of position, he supposed, if you were involved with someone, it was certainly rather poor manners to go and hug other people, or profess your love to them, or anything like that. Even if Iggy and he weren't exactly about to go get married or anything, they were sort of--well, committed in a way--and this was some weird form of breaking that commitment.
"I--kissed--someone--else," he said quickly, his words slurring together, "And it wasn't just once like I've kissed him a lot and I didn't think that--Don't be mad, please?"
:I feel like, I would like to be somewhere else doing something that matters and I'll admit here, while I sit here my mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather
"I won't," he promised, sure that he wouldn't. Because he couldn't not be friends with Eli, not again. Also, he really just wanted to know what it was, and was still convinced that it wasn't that bad.
So starting out by mentioning their fight wasn't a good sign, but Cash could understand some of it. After all, up until a few minutes before, he had no idea Eli felt the same way. Hell, a few weeks before he hadn't even realized that he felt that way. It was all very complicated, but he supposed that wasn't what he was supposed to be mad - or not mad - about.
Cash was caught off guard by the news, a bit like he had fallen off his broomstick but not really. Cash sat down on the bed with a slight thump, expression neutral in a way that would have befit Tiberius. Eli had kissed someone else.
Well, he couldn't really blame him, as much as he wanted to. That would have been unfair and - also - at least Eli was telling him about it.
Cash usually didn't think things through. This was a good place to do it, though. "Oh," he said. "Well, I'm not mad." Who was it, was a thought, but Cassius also wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to know.
Eli watched as Cash fell back on the bed, sure that that was a bad sign. He didn't really know what Cash was thinking or feeling, but he was sure it couldn't be good. This just confirmed his suspicions that this was sort of a really big deal. In the real world, if you kissed someone, that meant you were probably going to get married to them. Clearly that didn't really apply here, but it did mean something, Eli just couldn't figure out what. In any case, he had kissed two people, or two people had kissed him, really, to be fair, so that meant--what? That he had two somethigns going on?
"Oh, that's good," Eli said in response to Cash's claim that he wasn't mad, but his voice was flat and void of hope. Regardless of what Cash had said, he wasn't really reassured. There was an uncomfortable silence where Eli wasn't sure what he was supposed to say or do next. "Maybe I should go?" he asked hesitantly. He didn't want to, but what other option did he have?
:I feel like, I would like to be somewhere else doing something that matters and I'll admit here, while I sit here my mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather
Did he want Eli to leave? "Nah," he said, "It's not your fault I had no idea what I was doing." He had no one to blame but himself - and society, maybe? Someone else had kissed Eli when he hadn't really known that he wanted to kiss Eli. He had no right to be mad - Eli was a very kissable person, and while it made him sad, he didn't want him to leave.
"Do you.... um..." There was nothing about this that was easy to say. "Do you like them better?" he asked, cocking his head at Eli. He brushed a few strands of hair away from his eye and felt distinctly pathetic. Eli had seemed happy when Cash had kissed him - but Eli was always happy, and he had kissed this boy-or-girl more than once.
Cash had come to the distinct realization that he didn't want to know, but that it was good he did. Ugh.
Though nothing Will keep us together
We could steal time Just for one day
We can be Heroes For ever and ever
What d'you say
We Could Be Us ;; just for one day
Eli reflected on that. It's not your fault. Did he believe it? Maybe. It seemed like it should be his fault. He should have--what? Stopped Cash from kissing him? It wasn't like Eli had been expecting that to happen. No one could have expected that! Eli hadn't even known--well, that was besides the point. Probably Eli should have stopped him, but he hadn't, so what did that mean for him? Or for Iggy?
A blush rose to his cheeks immediately at Cash's question. "No," he said quickly, without thinking, then felt guilty--what would Iggy say if he could have heard that? "Maybe. I don't know. I don't think so. I didn't ever think about it. I didn't ever think--I didn't think that you would--well," he said with a huff. He wasn't making anything better. "I don't know," he concluded, his tone heavy with dismay.
Cash wasn't sure if he liked that answer or not. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't exactly good, either. He just wanted things to be not-complicated again, like he had said after the final game of the season. But they were - because he was a Lestrange, and this wasn't even legal, and because apparently Lestranges had the worst luck ever when it came to love.
It was a good thing he didn't know who this other kid was, because Cash probably would have sent all of his bad-voodoo thoughts that were usually reserved for Tiberius their way. "Oh," he said. "Well, alright then."
He grinned. "I'm just glad - well - it could be a lot worse, couldn't it?" Cash wasn't really the sort of person that looked on the bright side, but for the moment at least, he had been caught up in I kiss him vibes. He had never been accused of having a very long attention span.
Though nothing Will keep us together
We could steal time Just for one day
We can be Heroes For ever and ever
What d'you say
We Could Be Us ;; just for one day
Eli wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disappointed by Cash's response. It certainly wasn't what he had expected. It seemed rather... apathetic, in fact, which was not a word that really ever applied to Cash. He just wasn't the kind of person who didn't care about things. Especially not about relationship things. Transfiguration homework, maybe. Not things that had to do with Eli, or his other friends. Not usually.
So he really did care. Right?
"I guess so," Eli responded, a little glumly, moving to sit down on his own bed, his back to Cash's bed and, by extention, Cash. For a moment he only sat, but soon his emotions overwhelmed him and he looked back at his roommate and best friend over his shoulder, his weight supported by his arms as he turned. "Wait. How?"
this is going to be the best thing that we've ever seen
ooc: template by the lovely puppet
Cash shrugged. "Well," he said, "I....." Now he was staring at the ceiling, hard, as if it had all the answers. "I looked it up. Because I had never heard of anyone liking boys." Cassius Lestrange was surprisingly sheltered. You know, apart from the murderous relatives thing. And his tendency to say 'ballocks.'
"They execute us if they find out, Eli. And I know that you wouldn't get me in trouble on purpose, but..." He had worried. Because this wasn't supposed to happen, it wasn't accepted, and he had no idea that anyone else felt that way. He hadn't thought before kissing Eli, and he should have, and he had been very, very lucky.
He looked over his shoulder at the boy he cared so much about. "I didn't want you to not talk to me again." He couldn't do that again. Even with his relationship with Valeria mended, sort of, he couldn't.
Though nothing Will keep us together
We could steal time Just for one day
We can be Heroes For ever and ever
What d'you say
We Could Be Us ;; just for one day
The first sentence wasn't so bad; Eli hadn't thought to look anything up, because he kind of got the impression based on society and the fact that there were no guys who liked guys that it was a little unusual. All the same, he'd been in essentially the same boat as Cash. Until Iggy, he hadn't known that anyone else felt the way he did, and certainly wouldn't have talked to anyone about it. Cash was a Ravenclaw, of course he read about things. That made sense.
What didn't make sense was what Cash said next. That couldn't make sense. Who would want to hurt Cash? Cash was perfect. Well, not perfect, but his major faults involved Transfiguration, and that was hardly worth violence. And Iggy--no one could dislike Iggy. Iggy loved everyone! And Eli himself, while certainly far from perfect, he was a pretty nice kid--he tried to smile a lot and make people happy, and he always worked hard in school. No one could want to kill him!
His heart started racing at the thought, but his demeanor remained cool. A part of him wondered if Cash was really worried about it--something deep in his brain whispered ashamed, and knew that this was a word that would never apply to Iggy. Something about the phrase you wouldn't get me in trouble on purpose really, really grated on him. Who did Cash think he was? Some idiot, someone naive, someone who didn't care about these things? Eli was more conscious of their differences in class and blood than Cash was. If anything, Eli should have been worried about Cash and his loudmouth. He was a little insulted, to be honest.
Well, if he's afraid, or embarrassed, or whatever, he thought angrily, then caught himself. He couldn't just snap at Cash, that wasn't productive. Not after the guy he'd been longing for for years had just kissed him. He couldn't ruin that moment so soon. Still, it was hard not to keep the frustration out of his tone as he said, "Then no one will know. It never happened, ok? We never talk about it. Whatever."
this is going to be the best thing that we've ever seen
ooc: template by the lovely puppet
Cash had the distinct feeling that he had pissed Eli off. Oops. He bit the inide of his cheek, hard, stopping only when he decided that bleeding in his mouth would make it harder to talk. "That's not what I meant." He wondered if punching himself in the face would be an appropriate move, and if it would help him get out of the conversation.
Probably not.
"It's just," he frowned, went back to concentrating on the ceiling. He didn't know what he was doing - of course, he almost never good, but Cassius was usually quite good at pretending that he had some idea of it. This had no precedence, though - he was still a bit surprised that he wasn't sitting on his bed banging his head against the wall because Eli had run out from shock.
"They actually execute us. They didn't even kill that man who dabbed it up with* a student!" Cash thought that, in the scheme of things, what the Hogwarts Hussies had done was worse. Of course, he was terribly biased, but... "I sort of thought it would scare the hell out of you? Or something?" He knew what he was thinking, but not how to put it into coherent wording, and not how to say it in a way that wouldn't irritate Eli more.
His fingers tapped against the cover of his bed, a tiny rhythm he supposed he must have heard somewhere. Cash frowned, looked down, and studied the carpet. He had the vague sense that he had stared at it when discussing this sort of thing once before. He just couldn't place it. "I just...." Cash didn't want to die.
Though nothing Will keep us together
We could steal time Just for one day
We can be Heroes For ever and ever
What d'you say
We Could Be Us ;; just for one day
"I get it, alright," Eli said, with a little bit of irritation hidden behind the smoothness of his voice. Cash had said that's not what I meant, but he hadn't actually said anything different than the first time. If anything, he was just qualifying the fear he had already expressed. The first had been what we feel is wrong, the second it's worse than deflowering students. It's worse than losing your whole family's reputation. Worse than getting kicked out of school to have a child.
Months ago, Eli might have agreed. In fact, he'd dealt with all of that doubt for years. He knew what Cash was talking about. He'd thought he was the only one, that if they ever caught him he'd be shunned and he'd have to change his name and move away and live off of his violin and never use magic again. Then--Iggy had happened. Iggy had kissed him, and that made his doubts go away, because if someone else thought this was right, then it couldn't be all that wrong.
Eli glanced at Cash, weighing his I thought it would scare the hell out of you comment. Did Cash just need someone to tell him it was okay? And more to the point, could Eli be that someone?
He had a vision of him kissing Cash, suddenly and unexpectedly as Iggy had done to him, that first time. A kiss that said it's okay, it's all okay. A kiss that would bring that flood of warmth and comfort, that would feel safe just like the one Iggy had given him. The thought made his insides tingle with pleasure and longing, but when he tried to think about how he would do it, he couldn't make it happen in his head; he was facing away from Cash, they had a bed between them, he'd probably trip over something if he tried to move too quickly. That was sure to ruin that magic moment Eli was picturing in his head. He realized it just wouldn't work; if he did mange to get over there, he'd never be able to recreate that feeling. It had to just kind of happen, that feeling of being safe. And it couldn't happen while Cash was actively talking about the dangers.
He swung his legs over to the other side of his bed, so that he was at least facing Cash, and so that there wasn't so much space between him. He looked at Cash, in the eyes, levelly. "You're scared," he said. It wasn't a question. He considered a minute. "Scared enough that you don't want to?" he asked. That would be the real measure.
this is going to be the best thing that we've ever seen
ooc: template by the lovely puppet
If Cash had been in the mood to, he would have said that he wasn't scared. Scared was what little kids were when they thought that there were monsters in the closet. What he felt was a slow panic, and a large paranoia lurking underneath. Of course, that was a branch of scared as well, and now was not the time to be a smart ass. Not if he didn't want Eli to be mad at him again. "Scared? Yes," he admitted, rolling his shoulders back.
This conversation was so surreal - he hadn't even thought that it was possible. Despite having pined after Eli lately, he hadn't dared to hope that things would involve a conversation rather than violence and screaming. After all, the idea of other people, normal people feeling that way had been beyond him until that day.
He smiled, just slightly, at the second one. Cash turned to face Eli, crossing his legs and leaning forwards rather than staring at the ceiling.
Even if he didn't want it, he had already proved that he had awful self control when it came to this sort of thing. Cash was struck, for a second, at the fact that he had kissed Eli without even thinking. Why? He wondered if Valeria had similar problems with her affection for Tiberius - nope, nope, nope. He stopped that train of thought. Tiberius and Eli did not coexist well in his mind.
"No," he said. Wanting to, desperately, was at least half of his problem - or so he thought. Surely it would have been easier if Eli wasn't near him all the time, but maybe that would have just made the pining harder. Ugh. Not for the first time, he wished he was in love with Ellory or something like that. It would have made his life easier - and wanting to kiss your cousin wasn't punishable by death.
Stop it, he thought. Eli was trying to do something, he guessed, and now wasn't the appropriate time for wishing or fantasizing. It wouldn't change anything. He wasn't even sure that he wanted to - despite the fact that his Grand Epiphany had occurred only a few weeks ago, Cash felt that being this way was genuinely a part of who he was. He couldn't change it if he wanted to, however convenient it would have been for anything else to be the case.
Though nothing Will keep us together
We could steal time Just for one day
We can be Heroes For ever and ever
What d'you say
We Could Be Us ;; just for one day
Eli wasn't sure what to think of Cash's answer, or non-answer, depending on how you looked at it. Eli's question had been are you scared enough that you don't want to, which admittedly wasn't the clearest thing he'd ever said, but he thought the want to what was pretty obvious. The answer he'd gotten was Scared? Yes. No.
Which was hardly any kind of answer, or at the very least, any kind of helpful one. He bit his lower lip as he looked at Cash, wondering what to do or say. A thought in the back of his mind said Iggy would know what to do, but he chased that away. What Iggy would or wouldn't do wasn't particularly helpful in this case; he would be taking guesses at best, and he didn't know Iggy well enough to really guess for sure. He could ask Iggy for advice, but something in Eli thought that might be a bad idea. Hey, Iggy, I know we were kissing all the time, but I just kissed someone else. Give me advice on how to make them feel better?
Was that what he was trying to do? Make Cash feel better?
"I don't know," he said, out loud, without knowing whether the declaration made sense or not. It made perfect sense to him, whose mind was swimming with questions, none of which he had an answer to, but Cash might have been--probably was--on a slightly different page.
Suddenly exhausted, Eli leaned back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. "Maybe we should think about this," he told Cash, the words sounding as if they came from somewhere else. "You know, think about it and talk about it later. I don't know."
this is going to be the best thing that we've ever seen
ooc: template by the lovely puppet
Cash was suddenly struck with the urge to stare at the ceiling some more, but that didn't seem like a healthy coping mechanism, so he ran his thumb against the floppy wing of the snitch in his pocket instead. He looked down at the pocket and reminded himself that it was far too melodramatic to identify with a broken snitch. And if there was anything he and Eli really didn't need at the moment, it was melodrama and terrible speeches about feeling like a flying golden ball. That had been destroyed. Well.
Just when Cash was wondering if his snitch was really fixable, he was brought back to reality by Eli. "Yeah, something like that," he agreed automatically. What had they even intended to do today, other than awkwardly sit on their beds? Study for OWLs? Hang out? Some combination of the two. Maybe those would have been better options... But even though it hadn't really gone like he had daydreamed, Cash was certain he wouldn't have traded in the knowledge that Eli had similar feelings.
"OWLs are in two days," he said, blinking suddenly. So was his birthday - but mostly OWLs. In the scheme of things, those were far more important than anything. Even - although Cash would have never admitted this - more important than the quidditch final of ten days before.
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