» Broken, Private

[Constance Hatchitt]

The sky was unusually cloudless for such a somber day. 'Where were the clouds? Where was the rain?' Connie screamed mentally. Didn't nature understand what had happened? Why was no one else feeling this suffocating grief? How could no one else be feeling this pain? Why weren't people screaming and demanding revenge? Why did no one else care?

The letters she had exchanged with Dianna months ago were clutched tightly in her hands. Dianna's flawless script fluttered on the pages like birds' wings fluttered in the wind. Connie couldn't tear her eyes from the words-all so meaningless now-for she was scared if she even blinked they would fly away; just like Ianna's life did.

More tears found their way down Connie's cheeks. How long had she been crying for? In reality it was only for a few hours, but grief has a way of slowing things down, dragging each excruciating moment out to the breaking point. She fiercely wiped them away, fearful of staining the pages held so tightly in her hands. "Please come back," she whispered into the darkness, "Please Dianna, please come back."

Connie could still see her friend down to every minor detail. The way her hair parted, the brown flecks of her eyes, the way her hair flipped out since it was so short, her laugh. Dianna's laugh was everywhere. Every time Connie took it a step forward it was as if Dianna was just turning around a corner. If only she could run faster, maybe then she'd be able to catch Ianna. Which way should she run though? Dianna was everywhere.

Sobs crept up her throat and she stuck her fist in her mouth to keep from screaming out loud. "Please!" She whispered harshly as if emotions could rouse the dead. "You can't do this to me! Please come back!" Unable to hold her body up anymore, Connie curled up into the corner of the staircase in the fetal position. That laugh, it swirled in circles around her head. When was the last time she heard Dianna laugh? How long had it been since the two saw one another? Weeks? Connie couldn't quite remember.

All too suddenly, Connie felt anger surge through her body. How could she have been so careless in thinking they had an unlimited amount of days? Why didn't she make more of an effort to see her friends instead of spending all her free time with Cailean. Look at what all that wasted time bought her, a dead best friend. "I'm so sorry." She spoke again to the nothingness. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you."

Gabe had written to her how he wished he were in Ianna's place, how he wished he had died rather than her, and Connie dismissed such thoughts because she couldn't even fathom the pain of losing Gabe too. But he was right, there was too much wishing to do. Connie would give anything to change the outcome of what must of been a gruesome death. She wished she would've fought with Dianna all those months ago and had gotten expelled too. She wished - she wished everything was different.

She wished she was dead.

What did Connie have to lose? She had already lost her passion-quiidditch, the love of her life-Cailean, the respect of her brother and parents, she was being forced into this sham of a marriage. And now Dianna. How did everyone expect her to come out the other side of this without a scratch? Better yet, how was she supposed to make it through the night?

Standing up, Connie looked around the now empty astronomy tower. How had she gotten here? She could barely even remember leaving the Great Hal after reading the prophet. How had she gotten to be so high up in the air? How simple would it be to fall?

Her gaze quickly picked up from the stone floor to the opening in the castle wall. How easy would it be to jump, to join Dianna in the after life somehow? Make up for all she did wrong? "I'm coming with you." She said loud enough for the fleeting Dianna (Connie could sense her everywhere) to hear, "I'll be with you soon."

[Catherine Aesalon]

“Blegh!,” Kitty’s voice made a sound as she hunched forward to retch into the toilet. If it wasn’t puking in the mornings on an empty stomach, it was puking when on a fully stomach. If it wasn’t for her unexpected hearty appetite and blindly being lured to the Great Hall by the smell of the delicious food, it was feeling nauseous at the sight or smell of aforementioned food prepared by the houselves that work in the kitchens of Hogwarts. It does not increase her grades in her classes when she is in need of urinating during classes and having to ask urgent permission to use the restroom (much to her embarrassment). Overall, Kitty was pretty damn pissed off and frustrated for the last few weeks, much to the confusions of her classmates and family (her foul mood is even evident in her correspondences with her family.) What was going on with her? She believed that she could pass her odd behavior as the stomach flu and has yet to recover, but that excuse only elicits the pressuring of confiding in Miss Black, Hogwarts’ Nurse, but Kitty is reluctant. What if Miss Black discovers an illness or disease entirely different than what is in her perspective?

Nonetheless, despite feeling irritable and miserable, she is also fairly melancholy as well. Nicholas has been avoiding her. Kitty has not a clear idea of how she evoked such an occurrence from her secret fiancé, but she is quite aware that she is cause of his disappearance in her life. Such thoughts as this only saddened Kitty and she let out a strangled cry as she removed her head from the bowl and slumped down onto the ground. Oh yes, there was another matter that was completely foreign to her until the previous two weeks ago: she is extremely emotional and her moods are everywhere ranging from giddiness to the moment when she sobs her heart out because she has driven away Nicholas, the man she still believes to be her one true love despite his faults and ridiculous foul moods.

After bringing her knees up to her chest and attempting to stifle her sobs, in which she steadily succeeded after fifteen minutes, Kitty pushed herself up off the floor and unlatched the bathroom stall. The sight of herself in the mirror before her startled Kitty; and she had to inch forward to inspect the damaged mess that was her appearance in the mirror. Her voluminous, wavy hair was somewhat frizzy; her face was blotched red; the natural twinkling amusement within her mud-brown eyes has disappeared, and in its place a dull, bland stare; and last, but not least, were the unmistakable tears welling up in her eyes once more. Why?, she asked herself mentally, still staring at herself in the mirror, a tear threatening to roll down her cheek. Why is this happening to me? What IS happening to me?

However, before the threatening tear fell upon her cheek, Kitty hastily wiped it away and whipped around to run out of the door, wanting to run away from her haphazard appearance and the mirror that displayed her vulnerability and weaknesses. I, Kitty Aesalon, am not a weakling!, she shouted furiously to herself as her feet blindly took off in a direction, Becoming weak only means becoming prey to idiot men like my brother, Eze; and damn it, I am stronger than this! I was too strong for everyone’s criticism of my manners, appearance, and interests, but then why, damn it; can I not handle an illness?! Why am I so scared of it?! Is it because I know what Maud experiences? JUST TELL ME ‘WHY?’ I want answers!

Kitty was suddenly aware of the obvious stitch in her side and she steadily slowed down her running before coming completely to a halt. So lost was she in her need of answers that neglected to observe her surroundings. Excellent, Kitty[i], she thought to herself sarcastically as she resisted the urge to snort, You could have ran into anything and injured herself, and yet, you’re still alive. What a coincidence.[/i]. Brushing off the sarcasm directed to herself (which she suddenly found to be awkward and ridiculous), Kitty saw only one door at the top of the several flights of stairs she must have ran up, and knowing that the door lead to the Astonomy tower, a classroom where astronomy classes take place and the stars usually came alive (and though she dislikes astronomy, the gazing of the stars seemed to relax her immensely), she pushed the door open and let herself in, the heavyset door creaking introducing her entrance.

However, instead of further walking into the classroom, Kitty froze in shock as she recognized the lightness of the person’s hair and the way she (no man could possibly possess a slender build of that kind) seemed in a position to throw herself out of the window. After the heard the female’s last uttered words, Kitty knew whom the voice belonged to: Constance Hatchitt, known to most as Connie, and one of her first friends she created at Hogwarts.

“Connie,” she sputtered out in shock and uncertainty, her eyes wide and suddenly alight with concern, “What in Merlins’ name are you doing?” Breathing heavily, she leapt forward to grab Connie’s wrist, but thought better of it when she caught sight of the distress and distraught expression upon her lovely face. Instead of inquiring of what was wrong, Kitty opened her dry lips, her throat coarse with fear as she demanded, “Get the hell away from there! Have you gone mad?!”

tag: connie | outfit: later | notes: Er...I went overboard xD
made by Emily exclusively for Charming

[Constance Hatchitt]

How was she supposed to keep moving? Everything felt so off. Her best friend, her sister, her other half was dead. How was she supposed to move past that? She'd never pull a prank with her again, never fall asleep after talking late into the night again. Connie felt as though a piece of herself was missing. It was gone. Ianna was gone.

Connie gripped onto one side of the castle as sobs racked her body. Obscenities ripped through her lips, and she began cursing everything and anything. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Six years of friendship and they never once conversed about death, they thought they had time. Connie thought she had time. There was no more time. She continued sobbing, and scream after scream echoed into the night. 'How was this right? What justification was there in this?' She thought viciously, 'How is this right?'

Her body convulsed again, this time Connie felt her balance wavering slightly. If she fell it'd take the pain of jumping away. If she fell it'd be easier. "Ianna." Even saying the name out loud felt like a betrayal now. There was never a scenario imagined where one survived and the other didn't. Why did Connie get to say Dianna's name, but not vice versa?

Without stopping her sobs or screams, Connie let go of the wall and moved back out to the center of the ledge. She started a countdown in her head, ten. Her mind flicked over all her siblings, Gabe would survive, so would Jesse and Vix. Mercy would probably be indifferent, they never were close. Her other two brothers would be fine as well. They were old enough to know what suicide was, but too young to know the full extent of it. One day someone would explain it to them. They'd be okay.

Nine. Life would go on without her, just as it would if only Dianna died. Life would keep going. She wouldn't be missed. Besides, what life was there now for her? How much time would she have left if she didn't jump off the ledge? A day? A week? A month? A year? A decade? A century? Connie couldn't even imagine another minute feeling as she did now. Eight. There'd be confusion at school tomorrow when someone found her body. Perhaps some horror as well. Some people would scream, others would look on with contempt, some would cry. What did it matter though? They didn't care. All Connie heard all day was 'I'm so sorry' and 'she was a lovely girl' and 'she didn't deserve to die like that'. What did they know? Those false people with their false sympathy and their fake tears. They didn't know anything. They didn't know Dianna.

Seven.

Six.

Five.

As the numbers ticked away, Connie fought images of Cai away. She didn't want to know how he would feel in the morning when the sun rose and she was dead. He didn't even give her the false sympathy. He just watched her run from the Great Hall. After all they'd been through and he couldn't swallow his pride for a minute and help her. As her eyes scanned over the front page of the paper over and over, she kept wishing she could run up to Cai and break down with him to protect her. But she didn't even have that. What the hell did she have?

Four.

Three.

Words. Horrified words were coming from behind her but she couldn't make them out right. Her vision was blurred by the tears, her throat scratchy from screaming. The words kept coming until they stopped. Two. The words stopped. They must of been waiting for something. Her response probably. Connie couldn't turn around now, she was so close to flying. She was so close to being close to Dianna again. The voice picked up again, more distinct this time, and Connie struggled with the decision of whether to turn around or to jump. "Have you gone mad?!" Someone screamed behind her. Connie recognized the voice.

Kitty.

Connie turned around carefully as to not fall, her face tear stained (not that the tears ever stopped) and looked at Catherine's form. Her gaze quickly fell again, as she was blinded by another set of tears. "Dianna," she whispered, "Dianna's gone and I don't want to live in a world she's not in."

[Catherine Aesalon]

Kitty was only thirteen-years-old when her father, patriarch of the Aesalon lineage, passed away of questionable and unexpected occurrences. Though Kitty had hardly been very close to her father, Alexander Aesalon, she mourned his presence and truly missed the only person whom knew how to handle her temperaments and make the effort to encourage his youngest daughter to pursue her dreams should she choose not to marry. Alexander Aesalon had been a man of decision, patience, and hardwork; some of the qualities that he passed on to his four children. Other than her father’s death three years ago, Kitty never experienced a loss so painful to her that she would commit suicide to rid of the dreadful emotion.

Nonetheless, tears began to spill from Kitty’s eyes as she saw how grieved Connie was by Dianna’s recent death. Though Kitty was hardly acquainted with Dianna, she was well aware of how close the young woman and Connie were and guilt filled her being when she realized that she had been so pissed off about being ill that she had neglected to sought out Connie and comfort her as a friend ought to have done. The thought only brought more tears to her eyes. She had been so enamored with her own dilemmas in life that she had failed to be there for Connie. No wonder the young woman before her has ignored and shunned her the past few weeks! I have been a horrible friend...., Kitty thought to herself forlornly as she attempted to wipe away some of the tears still streaming down her face.

Though Kitty yearned to apologize for her recent behavior towards her friend, she was aware that the moment may not be the time for it, and therefore began to dedicate her mind to figuring out how to persuade Connie to step away from the ledge and spare her life. Her voice still thick with oncoming tears, Kitty attempted to speak out, “She wouldn’t have wanted this, Connie; you throwing your life away. She’d want you to live it to the fullest. Fall in love, produce pretty babies, make a difference in the world, and make memories.... Though the wounds of her death will take some time healing, you will- no need to move on and live your life; and I am willing to help you through it if I have to.” More tears poured down Kitty’s face as she forced her eyes to keep gazing upon Connie’s feminine form, willing the young woman to decipher her words and come to terms with the fact that committing suicide was not the right course of action.

tag: connie | outfit: later | notes: none
made by Emily exclusively for Charming

[Constance Hatchitt]

'Dianna would never had cried like this.' Connie thought miserably, 'She would've smacked Kitty upside the head for shedding a single tear.' She then began to laugh in the way only a person dealing with severe mental trauma can. How had life taken them down this path? When did everything stop making sense? There were so many questions, and, for some indeterminable reason, never enough answers.

Her strength was wavering some. What were at one point laughs soon turned back to sobs. 'This isn't right.' She decided. Nothing felt right. The entire world felt as though she were on a tight rope and wobbling greatly. Time was moving too slowly. Minutes felt like hours. Hours felt like days. Anything else felt like a century. "Stop. Just bloody stop." Connie muttered and let go of the wall she had been holding onto so tightly. "You have no bloody idea what she would have wanted, so just stop talking."

There was no remorse in Connie's mind for being so harsh with someone she had known for years. What did Kitty know? Kitty had never lost someone like Dianna, and if she had she still was clueless because her tears were only infuriating the hysterical girl. "Better yet, go away. This doesn't concern you."

[Catherine Aesalon]

Dammit, Kitty!, she chastised herself as the tears continue to excessively flow with no intention of ceasing, Compose yourself, at once! This is not the most convenient time to become undone and dwell on the regrets of past actions! With these chastisements in mind, the flow of Kitty’s tears steadily began to decrease and she was able to contemplate in a more rational, as well as stable frame of mind. Connie was very near to committing suicide, and here she was shedding tears over being a nonexistent friend. If anything, she was further presenting herself as a horrible friend by being overemotional whilst Connie was in a particularly horrible dilemma at present.

Kitty’s concern for Connie’s state of mind and wellbeing continued still further when the light-haired, young woman began to laugh maniacally. Was she truly so far gone to find any amusement in the situation at hand? Sucking in a deep breath to resist the urge to grab Connie away from the window (the young woman was far too close to the edge for much comfort), Kitty kept her gaze steady and level at the broken woman and decided to refrain from speaking any further. Obviously Connie refused any sympathy and pity, a feeling Kitty felt quite mutual to as she still received condolences for her father’s death by various people whom belatedly learned of Alexander Aesalon’s passing.

Besides, another reason for Kitty’s silence was the fact that Connie had been correct when she retorted that she had not a clue to what Dianna would have wanted. However, Kitty felt confident that Dianna would not have wanted Connie to commit suicide due to her own death; that Kitty was definitely positive upon. Gritting her teeth in irritability, Kitty answered matter-of-factly, “Actually, it is my concern; nearly six years of being housemates ought to count for something, and I refuse to let you waste your life because of someone else’s. Death is not the only way out of your misery, Connie; if it were, the universe’s population would be drastically plummeting.” Her voice took on a soft, hushed tone as she cautiously inched towards Connie for a second time, “I am aware that you are hurting Connie, but please…” she held out her hand as an offer of friendship and concern, “let me help you.”

tag: Connie | outfit: none | notes: it is bad, i know...
made by Emily exclusively for Charming

[Constance Hatchitt]

"There is no helping me!" She screamed, and her balance on the window sill wavered. All she had to do was let go. As long as she let go this pain wouldn't exist anymore. She wouldn't exist anymore. But something, whether it be a weakness on her part or her Gryffindor suddenly fleeing, kept her from soaring into the nighttime sky. Something kept her holding onto the wall of the astronomy tower. "Kitty. She's dead. She's dead and she's not coming back. And Cai hates me. And I'm getting bloody married to some older man. And he's never going to love me again!" As much as Connie had been burying her pain these past two days, losing Ianna was the last straw. Dianna's death was the additional ounce that made Connie crumble.

Cailean would laugh if Connie died. He would say "good, let the bloody whore die." The love of her life wouldn't care whether or not she died, so what part of life was even worth living anymore? She didn't have quidditch anymore, Gabe hated her, Cai hated her, Dianna was dead. When would things start to look up? Would they ever look up?

Connie sincerely hoped so.

Testing her balance on the ledge, Connie grinned at Kitty. "Six years of my life have been wasted, Kit. Why should being classmates matter so much?"