Bob is not Happy, BOb RP#1

[Cthuhlu]

Hell have no fury like a woman on her period who finds her man sleeping with her hotter, younger sister. That is of course unless you piss off the BadGuy

Bob and Lily.
Standing in a Ring.
W-R-E-S-T-L-I-N-G.
First comes the bell.
Then comes my foot.
Then goes Lily in the Ambulance.
That’s not all.
That’s not all.
Soon all you fuckers will fall.

Who the fuck does WarrenPeace think he is? Trying to steal my tag line! Just cause your black don’t mean your Michael Jackson shit head. What do you think this is, a fucking music video from the 1980’s? Next thing I know you’re gonna be walking around in a black leather jacket with too many studs on it, with 600 zippers, tight ass black pants, and walking around grabbing your crotch all fucking day. You’re bad, if you’re bad then I must be Satan himself.

But I will give you one thing. You had some big hairy cojones to think I was just going to lay down for you. Either that or you are just fucking stupid. Now that I think about it, I’m going with the latter.

Hell, you were well on your way to handing me that title with Itchy and fucking Scratchy decided to stick their noses in. Who the hell invited those clowns to the ring? So Styx got beat up by a girl, who cares. So you want to stick your noses in my match and screw shit up? Oh hell no Batman!!! Then with you two clowns comes the other Kool-Aid drinkers, and finally the Clown Prince himself.

Speaking of Styx, just what the hell was all that kicking me in the face bullshit? You come down to MY match, beat up the guy I was kicking the shit out of, then kick ME in the face. I don’t know if all that damn make-up has sullied your brain cells, but boy, you sure did pick the wrong guy to fuck with

---

I.

Me.

Bob, am sitting backstage. Inside my dressing room. I am not happy. When I am not happy, people get hurt.

Bad.

As the camera pans around it finds a medium sized duffel bag laying by my feet. The zipper is open and as I reach in I pull out a lead pipe. Then I reach in a pull out a coconut, and for shit a giggles I reach in and pull out a two foot length of rubber hose. I lay each item on the table in front of me before looking up toward the camera.

“See, I’m a well mannered guy. Ok, for the most part I am.

Bob pauses and looks as the camera

“Ok, ok, I’m a dick. I say what’s on my mind, how I see it, and do what I say I am going to do. Don’t like it? Tough shit.

But there is one thing I try not to do. And that is sticking my nose in other people’s business. Especially when it doesn’t concern me, and when there is money on the table. That’s just calling for a whole mess of trouble.

And I can find trouble on my own thank you.

Bob picks up the lead pipe and looks at it closely. He shakes his head no and puts it back in the bag.

“See, I was all nice a content to just beat the crap out of Peace, take the Television title, and go celebrate with a few strippers and a half gallon of Jack. But Code Purple or Blue or whatever fucking color they are had to run down to the ring because Styxipoo got smacked in the face by a girl.

By a girl!

And got pinned.

All Peace did was stand on the apron of the ring. Kinda like he does in most tag matches, but still. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb had to run down and screw with Peace. Which brought the rest of the Kool-Aid drinking idiots to ringside.

Which brought the Bozo the Clown look-a-like to join the party. You know, if you are going to crash a party at least bring a good bottle of booze and a hot slut with you.

At least Chaz brought Laura.

Bob picks up the rubber hose and nods his head side to side, then puts it back in the bag.

“See by sticking your fingers in my pie, you spoiled it for everyone else. I was going to be a nice BadGuy and just walk away, have a party, and been fine.

But nooooooooo!

You gotta kick people in the face.

You gotta get people disqualified.

I win, but I still gotta walk out of the ring with no title, and have to explain to the girls in the back that the pictures I was going to take are going to have to be…..nevermind.

See, you have done gone and pissed me off.

Bob picks up the coconut and smiles and nods his head yes

“I was being ‘nice’. Now I’m just pissed off. Now I’m gonna have to hurt people.

See, there was a great title when I was here the last time.

The Hardcore Title.

People could bring whatever they wanted to the ring, and beat the crap out of each other. But many people lacked imagination. They would bring a chair, or a table, or ladder, sledgehammer, blah blah, same ol’ shit blah.

Me, I will bring a fucking coconut, crack it over your head, drink the milk and spit it in your face. I’m the guy that will hit you with a bag or doorknobs just cause I can buy fifty at the flea market for a dollar!

Bob flings the coconut against the wall hard enough to shatter it

“I’m sorry Lily, you get to face me on a night where I am pissed off. I know you were wanting me to talk about how I know you want me to see you naked and whatnot, but and don’t take this the wrong way, I’m just not in the mood.

Normally I would be all eyes and roaming hands for you, but tonight I just feel like hurting someone, and you drew the unlucky card.

So congratulations folks. Bob the BadGuy is in a BadMood.

When Bob’s not happy.

Nobody is safe.

So let’s hope that I don’t forget what match is mine tonight. Heaven forbid I show up when Rainbow Squad and the Juice Drinkers are out there.

I might slip and crack someone’s head open with a coconut or whatever else I have in my bag of tricks.

Smiles!

Bob smiles as he gathers his duffle bag and heads out the door


END OF RP

Comments Welcome

[P.F.L.M.]

Haha. Dug the beginning of it. That was hilarious. Great promo.

[Cthuhlu]

Thanks.