i just want to feel like i'll survive [BE10], tag: autumn!

[Johnny Wolfsteade]

continuation from: here

johnny was almost in suspended animation. the hospital about him churned with the sheer number of people being admitted due to the bat flu, but the large man was almost perfectly still, the only clues to his ever-beating heart the occasional flicker of his eyelids and the slow, steady rise and fall of his chest. about him there was a cluster of wires and tubes, as if he was some gritty rehash of the sleeping beauty story. instead of a princess, a firefighter with those huge, scarred hands and rumpled brown hair, the thorns now turned into medical equipment. a bulge in the inside of his elbow and the swatch of medical tape beside it heralded the iv that was gently pushing hydrating fluids and antibiotics into johnny's fevered system, the gently curving tube that was attached to the unnoticed needle allowing the slow drip of fluid access to the inner mechanisms of the man's body.

his chest was bare, the circular pads of the heart monitor contrasting with his unusually pale skin. normally johnny had some colour to him- but today it was as if his blood was on holiday. even the natural colour of his skin seemed tinged with grey, as if the melanin itself had decided to take a sick day.the sheen of his sweat just made the lack of colour worse, as if johnny was becoming some amphibious creature.

as well as the iv in his arm, there was a small bandage on the other, a memento of the blood they'd taken to test for any more serious diseases. there was an oxygen machine with the winding tube that made it's way to his nose, the gentle hiss another constant in the bustling surroundings. the hospital was overcrowded. the room he and autumn were in had three others, separated by deep-blue curtains. nobody else was in as bad a way as johnny, but they were close. the sounds of coughs, sneezes and the occasional retch provided a lovely soundscape. despite their best efforts, the curtains couldn't trick anyone into believing that they were isolated from the rest of the hospital. however, you couldn't fault the staff for trying. they'd set autumn up beside johnny, hunting up a comfortable chair from somewhere and another for her to rest her feet on. they'd told her to wait there- johnny, now asleep, had been semi-concious for that, watching them set his wife down beside him. it was bewildering. he had no clue where he was and all he knew was that he felt incredibly terrible. he'd passed out shortly after, but not after hearing the doctor ask autumn to have a blood test. the words meningitis and symptoms echoed slightly as johnny slipped into the darkness. he was too confused to be worried.

he shifted slightly in his sleep, his face as serious as it was when he was awake. even though he was asleep and couldn't feel the aching in his bones, the movement was shaky and faltering, a mere movement of his sleeping head. it had turned towards autumn's seat, maybe the sleeping man sensing or remembering the position of the woman he loved most in the world. as if he was protecting her despite his condition. the curtain shifted, a shadowy-eyed young nurse poking her ponytailed head around, before stepping in, a clipboard in her hands. she showed the signs of overwork- her nails were bitten, her skin dry and hair greasy. but she put on the best smile she could. "i've got some good news for you, mrs wolfsteade. it's not meningitis. but there's some... unexpected results from your bloodwork that you should know about?"

[Autumn Wolfsteade]

Autumn was exhausted. She’d thought she was tired earlier this morning but exhaustion was nothing like she’d ever experienced before. She hadn’t even felt this way when Skylar was in the hospital! Maybe that was because he was a tiny, very vulnerable baby boy where as Johnny was the seemingly invincible firefighter, protector of the weak and savior to the kitties stuck in trees. He wasn’t supposed to fall like this. Autumn’s dark almond shaped eyes were squeezed shut as she remained hunched over in the chair beside his bed. Her small fingers gripped his much larger hand tightly, the beeping of the monitor and all the other machines recording every breath and heart beat was both reassuring and nerve wracking.

Her chest was tightening and it was beginning to become difficult to breathe. What had the doctors said? Meningitis? Truth be told, Autumn wasn’t entirely sure what that meant exactly but she knew it couldn’t be good. Not if it had gotten her husband to this state. The doctors looked just as worn down as their patients, if not more so. How many had died from this, how many more were sick? She’d heard that the school gym has been converted into one huge hospital room. They were lucky enough to get a bed here; evidently, they believed Johnny to be sick enough to warrant one. And he definitely looked the part. His skin almost grayish, eyes tired, Autumn wasn’t even sure that he knew where he was, let alone what was happening!

And then there was the talk of the tests. Autumn had quickly consented to them, the sooner they knew, the better. Of course, she hadn’t been expecting them to want to draw a blood sample from her as well. Autumn had almost said no, assured them she was fine and that their time was better spent elsewhere….but they really weren’t going to stand for any of that. So one needle prick and several test tubes worth of blood later, the couple was left on their own. Autumn’s hand never once left Johnny’s, even as she began to nod off. The light sleep only lasted but a few minutes, some terrible nightmare, probably about Johnny’s condition caused her to start awake probably half an hour after. But she remained in her position, hand in his, forehead rested against his forearm for a little bit longer. “They’ll get you all fixed up,” She murmured to her husband, looking up towards his ever serious face. The hand not gripped his gently caressed one of his cheeks, not wanting to wake him. She’d never wanted to hear his voice so badly before!

However, the nurse had returned with their blood results and so it became the moment of truth. Would Johnny need some kind of brain surgery or something? Super medication? An extremely long stay in the hospital? No, no, no and no! The woman couldn’t help but smile at the news, no meningitis! Though the celebratory smile wilted a bit at the following news. “Unusual how?” She asked. Oh God, was she the one dying?

[Johnny Wolfsteade]

the nurse obviously wanted to get home. her shoulders slumped like she had the weight of the world on them, and her smile didn't reach her eyes when she flipped through the chart, evidently trying to look reassuring. she pushed a few lank locks of hair from her forehead, the skin oily and reflecting the overhead lights.
"well, mrs wolfsteade, it looks as iiiff..." another page flicked past, and the nurse nodded, her smile more genuine this time. "you're pregnant. is this all news to you, or... either way, you should get a checkup with your doctor as soon as possible, although it'd probably be best if you wait til after this flu outbreak."

she glanced, slightly obviously, at autumn's stomach, as if issuing a reminder to the cluster of cells as well as autumn, before offering a final drained smile as her pager beeped. "we'll send someone to check on your husband as soon as possible!"
with that, the blonde nurse was gone, obviously to some emergency starring someone in a worse condition than johnny. the curtain fell into place behind her, leaving only the muted noise beyond and the regular sounds of the machines that were regulating johnny.

-skip ahead about 24 hours-

beep. beep. beep. johnny's arm shifted, trying to reach for the alarm. a sharp pain in his elbow stopped him, making him wince and hurriedly replace his arm in it's prone position. had he hurt himself? fallen or something? that irritating beep persisted, his eyes scrunching up before slowly opening. his initial thought was that the décor in his bedroom had changed dramatically, before he realised that this was in no way his bedroom. in fact, it was pretty much as far from his room as you could get. it smelt like disinfectant, sweat, puke and humanity. it wasn't the best thing to wake up to, but it helped him realise where he was. the hospital. why? had be been at work, or... no, that wasn't... he was still confused from sleep, but it was becoming clearer. he hadn't been hurt- no, he'd been... ill. but badly enough to get into hospital? the last thing he could remember was autumn assisting him to the sofa. after that it was warped and blurred. he guessed the fever he'd had was to blame for that. he still felt hot, and clammy, but not to a life-threatening degree. what was more concerning was how feeble he felt, as if he'd been drained of all his energy via the iv that was still gently dripping fluid into his arm.

he blinked, before clearing his throat. it felt gummed up, and the half-cough brought a plug of mucus up that johnny promptly and disgustedly swallowed. he couldn't see anywhere to spit it out, so... it was the only thing he could do, really. he swallowed again, before looking around, spotting his wife. she seemed off in her own little world, or perhaps she was falling into sleep after her however-long vigil at his side. he found his tired mouth smiling, reaching out with the hand that was attached to his iv-free arm to brush her shoulder. "autumn."

[Autumn Wolfsteade]

Autumn's stomach had dropped, already an exhausted mess, the last thing she wanted to hear was more bad news. At least Johnny's blood work came back mostly normal, aside from the whole bat flu thing. But how could something come up on hers when clearly he was way, way sicker. Eyebrows narrowed, she watched the nurse who was thumbing through the paperwork, not sure what quite to make of all this. She didn't look too concerned, and especially so when the paper flipped came to a halt, obviously it couldn't be bad news then, right?

Wait, what had she just said? Pregnant? Autumn let out a bit of a laugh, looking down at her stomach, a hand coming to rest on it. Oh. Oh! Okay, that made a lot more sense. Was the previous day just morning and into the afternoon sickness and not really that terrible flu? "Of course, thank you," She smiled at the worn nurse, nodding at the suggestions. Autumn would definitely be making an appointment soon. In the meantime, she couldn't wait to tell Johnny! Whenever he woke up. That was when the frown returned. If he woke up soon!

Unfortunately, the wait was a very long one and throughout the hours that passed, Autumn hadn't left his side for longer than a few minutes to venture to the cafeteria in the basement for some hot tea. Her mind was buzzing with an entire new set of worries. Aside from her poor husband laying prone in a hospital bed which was enough to make her stomach churn, she was still comprehending the news that the nurse had delivered. She was pregnant. Financially, Autumn wasn't terribly concerned and they would just have to convert the spare guest room into a nursery, which wouldn't be a big deal, either. Skylar would be getting a new brother or sister! But could she handle taking care of two? Just watching Devin go through her pregnancy while taking care of Connor, well, that was enough to make her nervous! Though Autumn wouldn't be going through hers alone.

Or at least she hoped not. Autumn shook her head quickly to clear those thoughts from her head. What was she thinking? Like her big strong husband wasn't going to make it out of this. Of course he was. He had to. The woman's hand found his again, squeezing it gently. He felt warm but not quiet as on fire as he had been at home. Definitely a good sign, right? Autumn exhaled deeply, her tired eyes sliding closed. She didn't want to have to come back here. Save for the birth, of course. But what if this pregnancy was a repeat of last time? Bed rest and early delivery. Too early. She was pretty sure she couldn't handle another incident like that. And there would definitely be no more kids. Not if she was defective or something.

At long last, however, Autumn drifted off to sleep before her thoughts got too much further away from her. It was a light sleep, one easily interrupted by the change in beeps of the heart monitor. Her eyelids fluttered slightly as she groggily processed where she was and why her neck hurt so much. Maybe it was because she'd napped curled up in a hospital chair. Yeah, that would probably do it. Though her eyes snapped open the instant she heard a voice she hadn't heard in what felt like an eternity. "Johnny!" She gasped, her hand immediately grasping his as she stood to press a kiss against his lips immediately. Morning breath? Who cares!

"Welcome back to the world of the living," She added, giving him a once over, "How do I know you aren't a zombie?"

[Johnny Wolfsteade]

he watched autumn's head jerk up, that little motion he'd seen a lot. he could remember when they first brought sky home- they'd be about to sleep, but then his reedy little yells would begin and she'd do exactly the same thing, even if it was johnny's turn. it made johnny smile as she kissed him, his hand curling about hers, too drained from the internal battle he'd been waging. god knows how many had died inside the human-shaped battlefield? it was weird to think of himself like that, his veins and arteries trenches, armies struggling for supremacy against each other.

he swallowed again, sure that he must have the most awful morning breath in the world. ever. that was just judging by how his mouth tasted, too. dry and sour. he wanted water, but he'd probably have to get autumn to help him. he didn't know if he could reliably hold a glass right now. he glanced at his arms- all the currently-useless muscles. he was strong. being weakened like this was like a smack in the face. a reminder that he wasn't invincible. not that he felt invincible any more. he'd seen enough death to be well-acquainted with his mortality and he didn't take his strength for granted- or so he'd thought. now, barely able to move without aching, he realised he had. he never thought about how he appreciated just being able to roll over in bed or scratch an itch somewhere a little hard-to-get.

"if i am a zombie, i'm a terrible one. i can barely even move." his voice cracked slightly, the lack of moisture making his throat feel like the sahara had been poured through it, then quickly followed up with a side-order of the gobi for dessert (ahahaha, geddit?). but even with his throat so dry and everything else, he felt... better. his memory wasn't all-there, though. he had no clue how he'd ended up here- the most recent memory he had was of talking to a giant fish person who was draped over the backseat of their car, telling him that he wasn't actually johnny. fevers are not very good for keeping a handle on reality. johnny could remember once, when his sister teagan had a fever, she'd decided he was a princess from somewhere and kept asking him about his kingdom. that had been awkward, especially as johnny has always been a boyish-boy. he was never the kid who'd covertly play with his sister's barbies. he liked tonka trucks and g.i. joe, even though he kept finding his joes in compromising positions with his sisters' dolls. but he'd played along. it was part of being a good brother.

he shifted as best he could, closer to his wife. he was so, so glad she was with him. even if she'd gone to get something to drink or eat, he knew that he'd still have been in far worse a state than he was now with her beside him. autumn was like having a little lucky charm, one that could keep the big scary world at bay. "can i get some water?"

[Autumn Wolfsteade]

"Don't you know that it is actually year 3012 and I'm not Autumn...I'm only a very distant relative that looks just like her." 'Not Autumn' teased faintly, trying to make it seem that he'd been asleep for ages, a thousand years obviously. She was just realized he was awake and while definitely not back to one hundred percent normal function, there was color back in his face, his lips their normal color and not the pale white they had been yesterday. For the first time since the news she'd received in private yesterday, Autumn was all smile. If Johnny was awake, there would be no problem fighting off the virus that was running amok in his body.

It was like he was human again and not the strange weak...alien creature that he'd been replaced with. Autumn was just not used to seeing the strongest person in her life, her protector and her anchor being so weak, but Autumn was determined to be his anchor, her lips nuzzled against his temple gently. Still a bit warm but nothing like before! While she was still worried, the anxiety and the nerves that had gripped her yesterday loosened quite a bit. The woman perked up slightly with an "Oh!" At Johnny's request. "Of course." She murmured quickly, turning around to the rolling bedside table they had left, pouring water from the plastic jug into the tall plastic mug instead, bending the straw into a right angle to make drinking a little bit easier.

She held onto the cup for her husband, as she imagined the needles in his arms made it a little difficult to get his hand up to hold onto it himself. "Skylar is with Devin and Shane still," She murmured, knowing her husband would probably want to know. She had called to check in a couple different times and the Morans were more than concerned about their neighbors! And nice enough to allow Skylar's stay to be extended a bit longer.

Aside from the relief that Johnny was going to be okay, Autumn was bursting. She had knowledge and she wanted to share it but maybe she should let her poor husband get his bearings back before she sprung the news onto him. It was taking all her conscious effort to keep her hands away from her tummy now that she knew something was there. "Feeling better than yesterday?" He probably still felt awful! Autumn had and she hadn't even been ill! Not really, anyway. "I'm glad you aren't a zombie, I'm not sure i could pull the shotgun move on you." Thankfully, this was just the bat flu not a zombie inducing supervirus. That was always a plus. Maybe they had watched too many zombie movies...if that was possible.

"So I have some good news...but it's a secret." Autumn informed her husband, playing with his hair gently with a secretive smirk. "Maybe I'll tell you if you ask really nicely." She suggested, chin tilting upwards slightly in a matter of fact manner.

[Johnny Wolfsteade]

"well, then, tell me how successful my son was. did he colonise mars or what?"
johnny flopped back a little onto his pillows, blinking slowly as autumn turned to the table, the gentle sound of water pouring into a glass making johnny's mouth water. it was odd how he took things for granted sometimes. most of the time, water was just plain boring. but now he saw it the way he supposed people in ancient times did, as a bringer of life. he smiled as autumn brought the glass, raising one feeble hand to guide the straw between his dry lips.

he didn't reply until the glass was half-drained, before he opened his mouth, inhaling blissfully. "they got off scott-free? lucky."
he was glad sky had gotten off of this. the boy was still so easy to worry about. his birth and the tense time afterwards had given johnny one hell of a complex about sky getting hurt or ill. he knew it would happen sometime- the little boy was getting more active and adventurous, and as much as johnny wanted to wrap him in bubble wrap, that'd be a bad idea. he wanted sky to develop normally, and so far, he was, and it made johnny prouder every day. he was beginning to understand the world now, and johnny loved how curious he was.

he closed his eyes, smiling as he did so. he was comfy, and although having his eyes open was draining, he didn't want to sleep. he'd stayed out too long. he wanted to talk to his wife, see sky. and he wouldn't get out fast if he fell asleep now. "good. i couldn't. i'd just... trap you. hope for a cure."
he shrugged, the movement making the ache in his arm emphasized by the jolting motion. he didn't react to it. he was too drained to. it just was. he couldn't do anything about it, so he let it be. "although i'd protect you. i don't think it'd happen. we'd survive."

the thought of him and autumn in a zombie apocalypse was not one johnny wanted to dwell on at the present moment. he had a vague plan- being a closet geek was something that leads to such things- but he had yet to finalise it. but he would. it was just a matter of time until they had everything planned out and a bunker under their backyard.

still, autumn's talk of a secret caught his attention. his eyes cracked open, just enough so he could see her through the haze of his lashes, brow rising faintly. "oh?"
her smirk made him grin in response, the expression making autumn's features seem... cheeky, mischievous. it was a look he knew skylar would inherit, and it made him glad. "well then. please tell me the secret? you know that the most lovely, beautiful, most caring wife in all of evergreen- who also happens to be the best cook- wouldn't keep secrets from her poor, ill husband, right?"

[Autumn Wolfsteade]

"Venus, actually. Mars was done long before." Autumn sighed, shaking her head a little sadly. "Mars is nice and all but Venus is like the Hawaii of the universe. Does great with tourism." Johnny had a sense of humor and that was always a great sign! There was no doubt in her mind that he would be making a full recovery, not that she hadn't thought that before but she certainly appreciated the reassurance! He seemed to be even better after getting down a few large gulps of water, a withering plant beginning to spring back. She lowered herself onto the edge of the bed after setting the cup and straw duo aside.

She nodded faintly. "Not a single one of them. Devin was saying Connor might had had an early case of it but for now they're all healthy as can be." Which was lucky, what, with a newborn in the house! That made her smile that coy little secretive smile all the bigger. Newborn. But before she got to that, she had to practically beam since she wasn't entirely sure what other couple had zombie apocalypse plans. But maybe that was what made the Wolfsteades so awesome! "Hopefully we'll never have to worry about either of us turning into zombies." Somehow she imagined if the roles were switched and Johnny had been zombified (for real and not just slightly drugged like he currently was), Autumn would have a lot more trouble keeping him contained until there was a cure. Though it wouldn't be surprising to her if the sensible trait carried over to Zombie-Johnny and turned him docile or something like that!

The woman gently ran her fingers through his hair, knowing he had to be exhausted, he could hardly keep his eyes open! "Of course we would. We always do." They really did, Kidnappings, suicides, Johnny's career choice, depression, even Skylar had already fought quite a few battles in his young life. And yet they were all happy anyway! They always bounced back, just like she knew Johnny would!

Autumn's lips pressed together as she tried not to give her secret away completely! But the resolve was melting with every compliment that Johnny was giving her, as if she was going to let him be in the dark for too much longer. "Best cook, huh?" She echoed since she did have a lot of competition for that title in Evergreen though she had to admit that maybe, just maybe, Johnny was more than a little biased! "Well," She 'hesitated' a bit just to draw out the suspense but she supposed she should get to it before he fell asleep or something!

"Johnny," She squeezed his hand gently. "We're going to have another baby. I'm pregnant!"

[Johnny Wolfsteade]

"well, i'm glad he made something of himself. we'd better have a big fancy country home there. i'm going to need some r&r after this."
as autumn sat, he shifted his hand, resting it on her hip, the weight and warmth of her as much a cure as any medicine. he occasionally had brief flashes of a higher lucidity, a realisation of how damn lucky he was to have her. his wife and his son. it was so far from where he had been... and now he was in a place he'd never thought he'd be. the vow, however gossipy the town got and however many bad matches it made, had done well this time, and he was so glad for that. and although he wished more than anything that he could be back at home, in his own bed, reading baby books to skylar with autumn. he'd bought a load of them, kind of as a 'daddy's home' gift to the boy. he particularly liked one about a lonely blue monster, and he loved reading it to him. skylar was getting to the age where he understood, and watching his face crumple as the characters in the book were sad or get excited if they were happy was something that johnny wouldn't trade for anything.

he was glad sky was away from him right now, though. he didn't want to go through the worry of seeing his son in hospital once more, and with the ferocity that the disease had, he would be especially scared of it damaging him. he was still as useless as a newborn kitten, but he knew that if the disease was still in his system, then it could get passed on. maybe sky was immune, though. autumn was- and after all, kids get their immunities through their mothers. that's why you don't take baby animals away from their mothers- they need the antibodies in the milk to survive. so maybe sky was immune. he didn't get johnny's illness, but you can never tell.

he could tell that autumn was going to tell him the secret, whatever it was. it wouldn't be something too big- maybe she'd found an online thing which'd be useful in some way, or a baby monitor that wasn't old and crackly for a decent price. something. his mind couldn't work out anything she could possibly hide from him right now. maybe it was a little fried from the fever, but there was no possibility that popped up as especially... significant. of course, johnny didn't think that she might be pregnant. it was something they'd discussed, of course, but he never really anticipated it. after sky was born, they'd done some working out, and agreed that they wanted three kids- and, after all, that's all they could really afford- and that they wanted them close together, mostly based on how close johnny's sisters were and just convenience, really. may as well get it all done at once, rather than leaving giant gaps between them, right? but despite that, he never thought... until she said it, and johnny honestly felt shock, his face registering the emotion in a way that was almost comical, before he sat up. the jolt of surprise had given him a rush of adrenaline, one that enabled him to wrap his IV-sore arm around his wife, not caring for the achey tug at the back of his hand, the other hand coming to rest on her stomach. it was almost the same as when he found out about skylar- that excitement fluttering in his stomach, the feeling of his heart carving out a new place to hold this little future-person within itself. he couldn't exactly answer- but he was grinning like he rarely did, clutching his wife like she was about to be taken from him.
"how far along?"

[Autumn Wolfsteade]

Autumn’s smaller hand layered onto the one that Johnny had resting on her hip, smiling faintly since all said and done, this wasn’t so bad. So yesterday had been terrifying, really terrifying, but now he was awake again and there was fantastic news to be delivered! But she was lucky, so, so lucky. She couldn’t have picked a better man for herself and Johnny, while intimidating at first, was nothing more than a big ol’ teddy bear. Admittedly, when she walked up the aisle that fateful day to find the man built much like a brick wall waiting for her, she thought for sure she was in the wrong place. Surely there was a taller bride for him at least but the Vow actually knew what they were doing. Aside from just being the solid rock that Autumn needed, he was also a fantastic father. Which was something that Autumn hadn’t exactly been planning on finding out so soon but, hey, like their marriage, things were working out just fine.

Even if they were currently in a hospital room! She sort of wished she’d drawn out the suspenseful moment before revealing her secret completely but she was far too excited and it wasn’t like Johnny couldn’t use some good news. Of course, she was worried maybe he didn’t think they were ready for this but that was silly since they had discussed this not a terribly long time ago. So should be happy about it, right? Skylar was at a good age, she was always told that having two young kids was hard on the mother but great for the kids, they almost always got along since they were like playmates. Of course, Autumn wouldn’t have the experience with that herself since she was an only child, but Johnny had enjoyed his siblings! She was glad that Skylar wasn’t going to be, should everything go smoothly the next few months.

Autumn had to admit, she rather enjoyed watching the surprise flood Johnny’s tired features, that by itself was worth it! She would only get to see that particular brand of surprise one more time and she would treasure it always. As if she needed any more proof of how much Johnny loved her and their son and now, their child to be. Admittedly, she was a bit surprised (and concerned) by how quickly he’d jolted up to hug her. Her own arms wrapped around him and for a moment, all she could do was laugh. The grin he was wearing so broadly brought tears to her eyes, happy ones, of course!

“About fourteen weeks.” She answered after a moment and a soft sniffle. “We’ll get to find out if we’ll have another son or a daughter soon.” Finding out so late was kind of nice in that respect, honestly Autumn would have figured it out sooner or later if her morning sickness was going to be this awful this time around. “Maybe this one will go a little smoother.” She’d do bed rest all over again if it meant a healthy baby!