Every day things had gotten better. The door to the former nursery was open for the world to see and Devin didn’t feel like she was going to burst into tears every time she walked by it. Just as Shane had said over their date a month ago, the money they won was put in the bank, a bit of it into a college fund, and a little bit was spent on one another. Devin hoped that Shane enjoyed the nice set of paints that she had given to him with her portion of spending money. In a way she was encouraging him to do something that made him happy. The last time she saw him with a brush anywhere near him that wasn’t to repaint a room in their home was when they first met. She’d rather encourage his talents than to have him push them aside. Whether or not he had used them yet she was waiting to see. Though if any day was a day for him to show her one of his pieces, it would have been today.

The last month had been filled with dates and going out and spending weekends in bed with her husband (which she was sure Shane wasn’t exactly complaining about). Sometimes it was dinner, other times it was going to see a movie, but any excuse not to spend every hour in that house by herself, Devin would take. Slowly she was contacting friends who didn’t know or knew and didn’t want to remind her of what happened. The feeling of loss was still there. Seeing a little girl with her mother, a stroller with a baby, and it seemed everywhere she looked there was a reminder. But the strength of the emotion seemed to lessen each day.

Today though was a test of that.

Devin woke up like any other weekday morning. Raising her head from her husband’s chest, she kissed him, nuzzled her nose against his, and told him it was time to get up for the day. It should have been a good day with a start like that. Slipping out of his hold, Devin picked up his discarded flannel that was on the floor and slipped it around her tiny frame. She had nowhere to go for a few hours and well, Shane always seemed to like watching her cook breakfast in nothing but his shirts. And cook him breakfast she did. Eggs, bacon, toast… not to mention the packed lunch with the last bit of the cookies she had kept for them. Once more she tried to tease him into staying at home for the day, accusing him of being a bad influence. Another peck and he was out the door, Devin framed in the entryway waving to him until he was pulled out of the driveway.

It was then that everything went downhill. A meeting with the school administration concerning the start of the school year turned into her most likely holding a pink slip. With the high school destroyed, they had to share accommodations with the elementary school. Money needed to go to rebuild and not towards frivolous classes. Music had been cut and she was down graded to a substitute. The only compensation they offered her was the fact that she could keep her benefits. Whether it was the news of that or something else, Devin found herself in the women’s bathroom losing her breakfast.

At home it didn’t get better. She probably looked as green as the grass that grew on their manicured lawn. Chewing on a cracker, Devin hadn’t even started dinner, not when she found herself bolting into the bathroom every five minutes. She didn’t want to do anything until Shane got home, but her worry was that it was a complication from the miscarriage. If he said there was nothing to worry about, then she wouldn’t. Strike it up to some random flu virus in her system. All she knew was that if she was going to the hospital or the doctor again, Devin needed Shane there to hold her hand and keep her safe. Sitting curled up in the corner of the sofa, she waited for the familiar sound of the door opening and Shane announcing he was home.

Over a month had passed since the tornado had carved a path of destruction through Evergreen but to the casual observer it was virtually impossible to notice. It had been over a month too since the death of their unborn child and though the memory of what had happened, and those that would never get a chance to play out lingered, the pain of that too was starting to dissipate. Clean-up and work were in part responsible, but Shane was more fortunate than most. While Devin had shut herself away following the miscarriage he had thrown himself into work, whatever menial shitty job he could find to stay distracted and later once money started to flow again to cover costs – it didn’t matter that money from the win now sat in the bank. It was still his job as provider to add to that, and so he did. Being a handyman ensured there was always something that needed to be tended to in a town resurrected.

The dead were buried and life returned much as it had previously to a normal everyday routine. Such tasks or thoughts didn’t dominate his life however. As always Shane was wary of spending too much time away from home and more importantly of leaving Devin home alone, especially since the miscarriage. Getting out had become an essential part of the healing process and in its own way it helped him too. More than before they felt whole, if that was at all possible, like every other non-manufactured couple going out on dates and enjoying each others company. It felt more natural and easy to imagine they had always been like this; gone too were the long endless days and lonely nights. When they didn’t go out they stayed in and lay around; the bedroom becoming their private party for two. Lying in the afterglow of great sex feeling their pulse compete and her head on his chest Shane was happy and for all intents and purposes back to normal. He had appreciated her gesture of surprising him earlier with paints but his appreciation far outweighed any real urge to use them. This closeness was all the reward he felt he deserved and he didn’t have the heart to tell her otherwise.

After breakfast (which was always the highlight of his day next to returning home) Shane departed for work still on some kind of high that always seemed to resonate within. If it was the big ‘L’ then so be it, he did love his wife and he was happy again after the glitch in an otherwise unshakable plan. The day passed as it always did and before he knew it the peak heat had passed and afternoon exhaustion set in. It was time to head back to his suburban castle and queen.

Parking the truck in the garage Shane stepped out and slammed the door still snorting in amusement at Devin’s suggestion he part with the old beast and buy one that didn’t make so much noise. Grabbing his gear from the back he scuffed his boots on the cement on the way up the steps. Inside the house the silence was unnerving. There was no tantalizing aroma of food waiting for him on the stove, no Devin naked for all but one of his shirts and a cheeky catch-me-if-you-can smile. Closing the door behind him Shane kicked off his shoes and threw his belongings down as he walked on inside. “Babe?” he called, the sound echoing through ahead of him. Passing the living room he looked in on the bed expecting to find her there waiting – no luck there either. Where the hell was she? “Devin?” he called again. This time there was something more familiar lacing his tone as he strode back out into the hall.

Favorite book in her lap Devin had at least attempted to continue the tradition that had seemed to occur in the last few weeks when Shane came home. Everything was out for dinner but nothing really done. One can of tomatoes left eerily open. She was going to surprise him with home made pizza, knowing that it was his favorite food. As soon as she got everything out and ready to begin to cook, there was a tightness in her stomach, and the room felt off kilter. All day she had felt fatigued and weak, but Devin had written it off to the stress of the meeting with the administration and then once more to the news that they had delivered her. But now hours later feeling no better than she had before, worse if that was even possible, getting to the couch had been a triumph.

The sound of the old beat up truck could be heard out front and a small smile came to Devin’s face. Her favorite time of day was when Shane came home from work besides waking up to his arm around her in the mornings, sometimes even catching him watching her sleep. It made her feel guilty that she came down with whatever this was, that she wasn’t standing there for him to sneak up behind, steal a taste of whatever was on the stove, and then drag her away from it to distract her. But he was home and that was still something to be happy about.

Of course that happiness only lasted for the time it took for the room to tilt on its axis having Devin drop book and blanket to the floor on her mad dash back to the bathroom. Using the wall for support, she made it into their small bathroom with the door left open a crack and with just enough time to hold her hair back with one hand. Couldn’t they get a break? Best case scenario it was food poisoning or the flu; worst case was that there was something wrong with her after losing the baby and the miscarriage wasn’t as complete as the doctors had said it was. Maybe it would be best to go see Dr. Waverly just in case. Better to be safe than sorry. Her mind wasn’t exactly there though as the dry heaving continued and the only thing to come up was the bitter taste of bile.

A deep breath and she reached for the handle, pressing down and falling with her back against the wall. She heard him call for her. The last thing she wanted was for him to worry about her. “I’m in here,” she called turning on the sink and brushing her teeth not just for his benefit but her own. Turning off the water, she opened the door to stand framed in the doorway that went out into the hall, holding onto the frame for just that bit of extra support. Catching her reflection out of the corner of the eye, Devin could tell she was looking a little worse for wear and green under the collar. “Looking for me?” she asked, head resting against the wooden frame and waiting for him to walk the few feet to her so she could trade the door for the comfort of his arms instead.

Given recent events it was eerie to realize just how quick old fears thought dormant returned to the surface in such a short space of time. Scenarios ran through his head as he strode through the short hall. He was thinking of all the things that could go wrong and of all the things that already had. It was only when he heard that telltale sound of coughing and groaning that the cold fist that squeezed his insides relented and let go. With a groan of his own Shane approached the bathroom door and with shoulders sagging stooped to peer inside. His stomach sunk to see his wife looking pale and washed out. The smell of toothpaste of toilet deodorizer and the sharp tang of vomit intertwined on the late afternoon air. Thinking it best to give her a few minutes he strolled backwards a few steps and lent his shoulder against the opposite wall. It was only when the water shut off that he approached once more. With a frown Shane ran his fingers through his hair and forced an encouraging smile on his face. At least she seemed okay, that was a start…

The door opened and Devin stood slumped against the doorway trying to rouse some kind of smile to her face as well. Shane knew it wasn’t wholehearted, even with a few feet of distance between them he could see the dullness in her skin and eyes. That initial concern threatened to come back but he suppressed it instead to close the gap between them. Reaching out he took his wife in his arms and summoned her close against his chest. The comfort was welcome, it was more than that. Rubbing her back with his palm Shane stooped to bury a firm and thankful kiss against the top of her head. Her hair smelled sweet and clean and was as soft as always against his face. Eliciting a heavy sigh he patted her back to summon her attentions and drew back enough to look down over her without breaking contact. He didn’t think it was just his height or build or imagination that made it seem like she were fragile, more frail at least than usual. With a blink Shane’s brow buckled in spite of his smile as he tilted his head and was content to stand there and stare at her a moment. “Are you okay?” he asked in a quiet tone of voice. It was a stupid question arguably but given past events one he felt justified in asking, and which held a deeper meaning beyond the obvious.

This was home. In the hold of his arms, head laying against his chest, it didn’t matter what else had happened in the day or just even five minutes ago. His hold just seemed to make everything better. Alright not everything because her pulse was pounding in her ears from the retching of just moments before and the fact that the hall was swaying like some sort of fun house obstacle. Burrowing her head into his chest, she took a deep breath inhaling him. It didn’t matter if he was still sweaty and dirty from his day at work. Smiling against his chest, Devin enjoyed the contact and the fact that he needed her as much as she needed him. Pulling back her head from his chest to look up into his face, Devin gave a slight shrug of her shoulders. “Define okay,” she sighed wrapping her arms around his waist so that her hands were at the small of his back.

“They practically fired me today,” she answered him wanting to just lay her head back against his chest, close her eyes and hope that when she opened them again her equilibrium would be back to a normal status. “They cut the music program until the high school is rebuilt. Unless I get certified in one of the subjects they need a replacement for, I’m just a glorified substitute teacher.” He knew how much she loved her job and if there was one thing Devin was looking forward to in all of this it was going back to work. It meant getting out of the house five days a week, not staying here looking for an excuse to leave or finding something that would distract her from her own thoughts. There was only so much more baking she could do before the kitchen would permanently smell of baked goods.

Tucking her head under his chin, Devin lightly trailed her fingers up and down his spine feeling the urge to retreat into the bathroom once more come and go. Though the wave of nausea did make her hold on to him a little bit more as if Shane was an anchor keeping her from toppling over. “And I think I have food poisoning,” she finally ended not wanting to say anything that might involve the miscarriage word with complications.

With a snort Shane smiled, amused by her quick retort and her humor. It didn’t matter that she looked wan, she sounded like her old self, or attempted to at least. That ended off course with her following confession. He raised his brows in surprise, ushering another heartfelt sigh now more in place of speaking words of comfort as Devin buried her face against him. Again he kissed her hair, wanting nothing more than to say something which would somehow make everything magically alright again. If only things could ever be that easy. “No,” he uttered, his hand still caressing the length of her back, “you’re not.” Thinking of his own school years and of teachers that certainly didn’t resemble his wife Shane sucked in a smile, knowing at least on some level such smart comment weren’t appropriate right now. Maybe in a little while when she was feeling better he would tease her. All he could do was hold her, gently rocking the way one comforts a child. His smile grew. He was thinking in that moment of his mother. The thought was gone before he could really get a handle on it.

Her touch on his back caused muscles to constrict. Shane flinched, gasping on a sharp breath that he could only chuckle at afterward. Lifting his arms he draped both over her shoulders and relished in the close contact, of warm breath fanning across his neck – even if all he could really smell now was toothpaste. Better than the former. Pulling a face he grunted, the sound reverberating through his chest. Shane pulled back again and frowned down over her. It was exaggerated in part, and in part equally disgusted. Throwing up was like talk of menstrual flow and talk about chick flicks and which Twilight star was hotter; it all made his stomach tighten in apprehension regardless. “No shit, what did you eat? Hope it’s nothing here, I don’t want to get it.” That brief lapse into selfishness past he rubbed her back again and planted another lighter kiss against her brow. “You don’t feel hot. Not in that way either,” he smirked.

Reorienting her easily in his arms Shane turned her and walked her, with his hands on her shoulders, leading her out into the living room once again and back to the sofa where she’d presumably been sitting, if the toppled book on the floor was anything to go by. “You get some rest. Want me to call someone? A doctor? A priest?” Snickering in dark amusement Shane stooped and picked the book up off the floor to set upon the coffee table. He waited until Devin sat before he thought to move away. Though he tried to hide it his trepidation was growing exponentially within. He didn’t want to think it was just stress and tried to put the memory of her lying washed out on that hospital bed after the miscarriage out of his head.

Somehow he always knew what do say or do that made her feel better. Even if it was just mentally. Devin hated that arts were always the first things to get cut from education systems when money was tight. She wasn’t really too keen on studying to be certified as an English or History teacher. There was something about music that brought kids out of their shell, made them say things they normally wouldn’t say, and feel things they usually stored up inside until they exploded. Devin felt that her job allowed her better to not just teach kids scales and arpeggios, but teach them about themselves and maybe build them up when things in their lives tried to tear them down so often. Shane’s reassurance that she was more than what the school was trying to make her meant more than he would know. Letting him rock her, taking comfort in his hand traveling up and down her back, she started to feel physically a bit better, but she was sure that at any moment when he was done she’d be back on the floor of the bathroom.

Devin placed a kiss where his chest and neck met as a symbol of “thank you” without having to actually say the words. If it was him feeling like she was, well, she wouldn’t be making that many jokes. Pouting up at him, it wasn’t like he didn’t hear her earlier. Devin wasn’t dumb and Shane had been standing right there near the bathroom. Her bringing up the cause wasn’t that big of a deal. At least she hadn’t described everything in detail. Then again it wasn’t something she really wanted to relive. “Just breakfast this morning. By lunch I wasn’t feeling too good.” It wasn’t for lack of trying though. “That rules out a virus then,” she sighed wishing he’d just pick her up, tuck her in bed and snuggle down with her until this passed. But if it didn’t then what?

Being turned in his arms, Devin was being pushed and guided back towards the sofa. “I’m not dying or possessed,” Devin snorted at him. Her head wasn’t going to be turning a hundred and eighty degrees and she wouldn’t be doing backwards crab walks around the house any time soon. Noticing that he was waiting for her to sit, Devin did so, sinking into the couch until her head was against the back pillow. “I tried to do pizza but five minutes in and the room was spinning,” she tried to offer to him, letting Shane know that she had tried. But maybe that wouldn’t ease the worry should could see as his shoulders appeared to tighten. “Maybe we should go see a doctor? Just in case?” It was an attempt to make the idea sound silly. That they’d go and there would be nothing there, they’d just tell her to get some rest and she’d be fine in the morning.

Talk of a virus, or of illness of any sort was not the best conversation he could have come home to or was it necessarily conducive to open communication; there was only so many words one could say before things got awkward or downright gross. Still gross he could handle, he wasn’t too sure she was of the same mind. “Good to know,” came the under-the-breath utterance. The silence of the house had settled but now seemed a stark contrast to how things had been of recent. His daily routine was broken. There was only one thing for it; get things back on track as soon as possible if for no other reason then to offer a sense of reassurance that all really was right with the world despite this tiny hiccup.

Watching her finally submit and sink onto the couch caused another sigh this time of satisfaction. Talk of food only pulled at his stomach. Reaching down he swept up the throw draped over the back of an adjacent chair and gave it a light shake to drape over her. Memories as always bubbled back to the surface but were just as quickly quashed. Gone were the days of throwing a blanket over his father drunk and passed out in front of a snowy TV screen. Sweeping her hair back from her face Shane kissed Devin’s brow again as he withdrew.

“You’re meant to spin the pizza, not yourself,” he remarked in seriousness. A smirk snuck out as he tugged at his wristwatch. Metal clicked and clattered as he withdrew the metal clasp and slipped it off to drop with an unceremonious thud atop the coffee table. “Besides, Doctor’s can’t make pizza. Given what they charge per visit I wouldn’t want them to.” Snickering he scuffed up his hair with joints popping and groaning. The moment passed and he was back to due seriousness again. Clearing his throat Shane gave another sigh. This one was in lieu of speaking. He didn’t know what she wanted to hear so he had to think about it.

Making his way in to the kitchen he scoped out the ingredients left out and retrieved a drink of milk straight of out of the bottle. Contents of the shelf rattled as he pushed the refrigerator door shut with his hip. It wasn’t until he reemerged a few minutes later and stood framed in the doorway that he allowed himself to revisit the events of the month prior. She should still have been glowing with life and complaining about a sore back shouldn’t she? The hope that maybe despite all odds the doctors could have been wrong and she still was pregnant came and went leaving a bitter taste on the back of his tongue. Sweeping a hand over his mouth Shane again cleared his throat and wondered, “Think you should make an appointment?” It was her body he reasoned. If something was really wrong down there she’d know it better than anyone, wouldn’t she?

She hated being sick. It left her feeling useless and weak. Maybe she was making a mountain out of a mole hill. If she ignored it, then it had to go away at some point, right? Yes, she’d just pretend that it wasn’t that serious and keep pretending that until she actually was better. Shane didn’t need to come home from work to take care of her or have the added stress that something could be wrong. No. Nothing was wrong. She was fine. Right? Her mind argued with her over and over about the subject. Part of her said to just let it be, ride it out, and that everything would be okay in the morning. But something in her gut told her that putting it off, pretending it wasn’t there would only lead to worse things.

Hands clasped the light blanket that he wrapped around her shoulders. He must have noticed that she was lost in her thoughts. If only she could have had a fever or a cough or something that was reassuring that it was something known and not this enigma of a problem. What if they missed something at the hospital and now her own body was poisoning her? A deep breath at his touch and his lips against her forehead, Devin wanted to reach for his hand and pull him down to sit with her for just a moment. Curl into his side and pretend that everything was okay.

Devin was glad one of them could joke about this. Then again, he wasn’t the one who was experiencing the symptoms of being over served without the fun part of being served in the first place. “Ha. Ha,” Devin replied to his jests. For a moment she closed her eyes and that only made everything seem worse. So much worse that Devin had to put her head between her knees to breath and not start retching again right there on the living room floor. Looking to see where he was, Devin could hear him in the kitchen and the sound of the fridge opening and closing. Just that small movement with the tilt of her head made her stare back at the floor breathing in and out deeply.

“Yeah… yeah… I’ll call in a second… it’s probably…” but the rest of her statement that was meant to reassure him didn’t make it out. Once more she was racing down the hall using the wall as a guide and back in front of her new altar. It was progressively getting worse and the fact that she had barely made it more then a few minutes before getting sick again had her worried. She had never felt like this before. It wasn’t a fever that had the back of her neck start to glisten with perspiration, but the force of which her body was trying to expel whatever it was that seemed to be destroying her from the inside out. “I’m okay,” she lied from the bathroom floor trying to push herself back up to standing and finding it harder than it should have been. A arm was wrapped around her stomach as the other hand gripped against the bathroom counter top to make sure she wouldn’t fall over.

Screwing his lips up Shane bowed his head pretending not to smile and finding it wrenched away the second the sofa springs panicked. Before he could stop her or say anything she was on her feet and running back down the hall and all he could do was watch. Helplessness was fast becoming his usual state of being around his wife and he didn’t know how to handle it. With a sigh he rubbed at his neck and strode after her, the sound of heaving luring him dubiously down the hall.

The sound of Devin’s voice echoing back off the tiles rang with more desperation than truth. If he hadn’t known before this he knew now that something was definitely wrong and though it reminded him of days in his life before her he looked back on them with scorn. Maybe it was the fact the last time he saw her so ill she was pregnant and now there was nothing; it was a bitter pill to swallow for him as well – but not to the point of shoving her out of the way and purging his sins in the porcelain trough either. Drawing to a stop just outside the bathroom doorway Shane offloaded a sound of concern and disappointment and lent his head against the hard wooden buttress. He folded his arms, shifting his weight, listening to her lie dissipate along with the sound of the flushing cistern. “Mmhmm,” he grunted. He scratched at his cheek starting to bristle with stubble. Needless to say he didn’t believe her but in her state he didn’t know what to say either.

Pushing himself off the doorway Shane made his way in, his joints creaking amidst the settling quiet once again. Going to his wife looking washed out and jaded as she steadied herself against the counter Shane unfolded his arms and reached for her, drawing up behind her to slide his arms around her tiny waist. The contact only brought everything back again, reaffirming how fragile and how weak she really was. His expression only continued to deteriorate as she tended to herself the usual ways, watching water run and relinquishing hold again til it was over. Finally with hands rubbing her shoulders Shane had enough. “That’s it,” he said, “I’m taking you to the clinic. You can’t keep going like this, you’ll fade away to nothing. There’s not much left of you now.” Attempting to rouse a smile for her benefit Shane cuddled her back and kissed the top of her head, wishing he couldn’t now smell the lingering scent of vomit amidst the sweetness of her hair. He hated feeling helpless like this; if only there was some rule book telling him what he was supposed to do to make things better. Drawing her backwards with her back still against him Shane crossed his arms around her and ushered forth another sigh in lieu of voicing his concerns. “I love you,” was all he could say. He hoped that would be enough.

She felt horrible. Not just physically. Here she had tried to organize another nice night for them and it was ruined. It must be true that the road to hell was paved with good intentions. If this was the flu or food poisoning she’d never complain about a basic cold ever again. Devin felt guilty that her husband who had been working all day in the summer sun had to come home to no dinner and her not feeling quite in the mood for anything else but crawling into bed and dying right there on the spot. If anything get a soda to settle her stomach, lay her head against his shoulder, and watch some horrible made for tv movie that would have been on at this time of night. It was a change, but she wasn’t sure if it was in the best of directions.

He was warm. It felt nice, that warmth at her back. It was the summer and she should not be needing a sweater at this time of year. “People around here are going to start thinking I have an eating disorder,” she sighed, nodding her head to his decision that they’d be going to the clinic if it was still open. He was right. She couldn’t keep going on like this. And it wasn’t just from the actual physically reasons but those of the mental and the worrying. Hearing an expert say this was normal and she was okay would put her mind at ease, probably Shane’s too. Reaching up to wrap her hands around his arms that wove around her, Devin was waiting to move until he either carried her out or she could walk something close to a straight line. Another deep breath and Devin looked up into his face, tilting her head to seem it better.

“I love you too,” she said back. If it wasn’t for the fact she was positive her breath was horrible, she would have kissed his jaw. Instead Devin just nuzzled under his chin, closing her eyes and trying to enjoy the fact he was home and there and she wasn’t alone right now. “What would I do without you?” she voiced out loud, thumbs rubbing against his forearms that were crossed over her. “I’m sorry… I’ll make it up to you. You’re probably tired and hungry and I swear tomorrow I’ll make you a feast, sick or not.”

Her attempt at humor roused a more sincere gesture. Rolling his head back a little he gave her a considerate pout. “Oh I don’t know, crash and burn.” It was a nice thought really, that having not known each other before a few months ago that he had left an indelible impression upon her to such an extent that she couldn’t face a future without him and he without her; that brought color to his cheeks as he cuddled her closer. Shane nodded at her promise. In truth his appetite was fast waning only to be replaced with something a lot less satisfying. He wanted to keep the levity up but wanted to hear her say she felt better more than to hear her laugh. Still he spoke without much thought behind it; “Anything to get a little attention huh? If you want me to throw you over my shoulder all you have to do is ask.” The moment came and went as he nuzzled another kiss amidst her hair until that lingering scent of bile pushed him off and loosened his grip as he stepped backwards.

“What do you want to do?” The seriousness laced his voice as he stood there catching sight of his reflection in the vanity mirror. He looked to have aged a little overnight, maybe it was more gradual than that and he hadn’t really noticed, and then again he thought maybe coming home to this cut too close to nerve still raw within. Clearing his throat he looked down and shuffled his socked-feet on the cool tiles. Hands on hips Shane wanted Devin to tell him what she wanted him to do. He didn’t want to make things worse and figured she’d had enough of doctors and hospitals to last a life time already; in truth the last thing he wanted right now was to get back in his truck and take her anywhere but not because he was tired, simply because he was worried and here at home things were manageable and made sense. Here he still retained a modicum of control; out there he was another piece of flotsam being pushed about by external forces. “Why don’t you give Doctor Waterly a call? I’ll wash up. See if I can rustle us up something to eat. Don’t look at me like that, I can cook you know. I just… don’t want to.” With a wink Shane raised a hand to stroke her back again before he stepped around her and turned on the shower. Reaching over his head he wrenched off his shirt and balled it up in his fists to throw it away into the corner. He gave his wife another brief yet encouraging smile before he unfastened his belt with a clatter and reached in behind the shower curtain to test the water.

Slightly snorting at his reply, Devin wasn’t all that sure if his statement was false. He had kept her together in everything that had happened. Shane was what made her fight during the tornado, woke her up when the rest of the world seemed to fade away, and gave her the most important thing; a family. So she was sure that his statement about her crashing and burning could prove to be true. Leaning into him more, Devin wished she could turn herself in his hold and burrow into him never to face the outside world again. “I haven’t had to ask before,” she lightly laughed back at him trying to see if really she was okay. That maybe it was passing and in a few moments she’d be fine. But that wasn’t going to be the case as her grip tightened on his arm temporarily as another wave of nausea crashed over her. He was the only thing keeping her upright at that point.

Once it was gone again, Devin turned to lean against the counter now that he wasn’t fully wrapped up in her. Instantly she missed the contact and wanted nothing more than to be back in his arms where it was safe, and warm, and reassuring. She’d rather not go to the doctor but it seemed like that was the only option. That or suffer on the bathroom floor all night until she was so sick it wasn’t just a doctor’s visit but an ambulance ride and overnight stays. The last thing she wanted was to spend the night in a hospital for any reason again. There memories of that one time would just return and every step she had taken to get better in the last month would be for nothing. “Yeah… that’s a good idea. Who knew you were so smart?” she tried to tease but it didn’t come out as playful as she intended. Of course he had to start stripping down right there, and if she was feeling even a little bit better than she was, Devin would have continued their tradition of burnt dinner on the first try. “I can’t wait to see your culinary skills.” A deep breath and Devin gave him one last hug from behind, kissing the back of his shoulder before tentatively making her way out of the bathroom.

Locating her phone, she looked up the number in her address book and placed the call. Voicemail. Maybe he was still at the clinic? She called there next and they were already closed referring all patients to go to the hospital if it was an emergency and that Dr. Waverly was on leave until further notice. Perfect. Wandering back to the bathroom, the dizziness only got worse, her periphery vision warping and distorting. “Shane…” she swallowed trying to make the world right again after knocking on the door. “Doc… Doctor Waverly is on leave… they said to go to the hospital.” Her fingers felt weak and she could feel the phone start to slip from her grip. The phone wasn’t the only thing to make a thud as it landed on the floor, Devin herself following soon after.

Screwing his lips up he pulled a face at her quip and pretended to laugh without making a sound. Still he felt bad and not necessarily because he didn’t have an immediate comeback but simply because she didn’t sound up to playing and that more than anything worried him. Try as she might to put on a brave face Shane could see Devin was suffering and there wasn’t really a damn thing he could do to help her or so he thought. He watched her leave the room and finished undressing, stepping under the water to wash away the day and feeling more of that oppression pressing in from the other side of the shower curtain. He was breathing sharply mainly due to anxiety. Behind closed eyes and with water pummeling his head and face all he could see in his mind’s eye was Devin laying there in that hospital bed looking so broken. It didn’t take much to see her age and her face that lulled towards him was that of his dead mother. Spitting out the water he clenched his jaw and washed himself straining to hear Devin’s voice as it echoed back from another room. All he caught were murmurs; it made little difference. Mentally he was caught in a rip with the tide turning against him.

Shutting off the water he stepped out and left the memories swirling down the drain behind him. Snatching up the towel he roughly dried himself. Devin had reappeared and was speaking to him; he didn’t catch much of what was said before the phone slipped from her grip and she swooned along with it. Though he’d only been half-paying attention the second he saw her knees give out it was like watching a glass fall in slow motion. In shock he watched her fall making a move to catch her seconds too late. The tiles caught her instead of him. Letting out a curse Shane was above her in an instant, towel clasped around his naked and dripping frame. That was just… perfect!

Now more than ever he was in a mental panic. He shook her, relieved to see she was still breathing but scared beyond that for each breath she took the next just might be the last. He didn’t want to but had to step over her to get some clothes on, wrenching on dirty clothes again in his haste to get her up into his arms and outside into his truck. Every second counted and the more he swore under his breath the more real it somehow became. Hastily yet as gently as he could he picked her up, carrying her through the house with water dripping from his hair and soaking into her shirt. God damn it, he struggled to even get his boots back on with no hands. Mundane tasks took on a new gravity as in minutes he was in the garage, the door slamming behind him with keys jangling in white-knuckled fist. In the car he reassured her that everything was going to be okay without knowing otherwise. It seemed to take forever to get to the hospital and a cruel irony to be back there again, bursting through the doors of emergency with Devin in his arms in a mockery of their wedding night. He couldn’t even remember carrying her over the threshold, carrying her to a hospital bed seemed too far a cry from that to mention. To the doctor he could only give vague jagged answers, “Feeling sick… fainted… miscarriage; before not now.” Standing there at her side Shane held fast to her hand as he ran the other through his wet locks feeling helplessness well up and shimmer in his eyes. More than anything he wanted to make her better again and couldn’t do a damn thing but bear witness as she was tended to by another man.