To Robert

[Tap Dancer]

Thank you, Robert, for your kind words in my "I feel ugly" thread on LHC. It's nice to hear a man's opinion since it's usually women who respond to these things. :pheart:

[PurpleBubba]

You are welcome.

You and I are in similar boats. I have very similar issues with myself. I haven't had the other people telling me stuff (Besides family) but I do have similar self esteem issues.

I weigh at least 300 pounds.
I have my short nostril, missing tooth, lip scar. All from the clefts. Even though two of the three are hardly noticeable anymore, I still see them without even looking in the mirror.
I am stubborn about keeping my mustache and long hair. And the last time I shaved the beard pictures were taken that day and I hate that picture. My face looks really round and pudgey without the beard.

So I look like some biker wannabe and I refuse to change it. So I'm basically waiting for that girl to come along and like what she sees. But I also expect her not to want to change me. I don't want her to start in on me after 2 months telling me to shave this and that and cut my hair and lose weight. I didn't wait 30+ years for that. I don't expect the other person to be perfect. But I do expect them to be ok with me how I am and not want to change me.

There's gotta be someone out there for me. I can't give up hope yet. My uncle didn't get married till his 40's and now he has kids.

I know it's hard. But we gotta keep doing our own thing. You only need to change yourself if you want to.
:pheart:

[Tap Dancer]

I've been getting replies and PMs all day and I feel overwhelmed from all the support. It's funny how one comment can totally lower your self-esteem. I remember back in school, while I had plenty of friends, I got made fun of a lot by guys. I had boyfriends, but not that many. Being 5'2" and a size 14 made me fat. When people laugh at you for being fat, they also call you ugly. It's the same thing in their opinions. I ignored the comments and by 11th or 12th grade, it pretty much stopped. I'm not losing weight for them. Otherwise I would have done this a long time ago. I just woke up determined that I wanted to look and feel better for me. Once I lose weight, I'll still have insecurities. I know that being thinner is no miracle cure. But it'll make me a little happier. I've had boyfriends tell me my faults in the past (my hair was too long, my hair was too short, I needed a tan, my fingernails were too short, I should lose weight...). I won't put up with that now. I told my last boyfriend that, even though he never did anything but compliment me. Now this new person tells me I'm pretty one day and the next he says, "I don't find you attractive. You're not hot and not what I look for in a girlfriend. But you're not ugly." Gee, thanks, jerk! Like that wasn't a putdown! Anyway, this is way too long-winded. Thanks again, Robert.

[PurpleBubba]

High School was the last time I had those problems.
From both sexes.

There was a bunch of them that would call me sloth. Which is the name of the character in The Goonies that had a deformed face.

That's just one example. Thankfully I've forgotten some of them. Or at least enough details that I can't remember exactly what happened.

[Tap Dancer]

Thank God we become adults and (usually) grow out of the name calling. Despite everything, high school was a good time for me. But you couldn't pay me to go back!

[Sapphire]

I wish people would grow up.I'm in the same boat with you guys!I'm in high school too.Some days I just become so depressed about my appearance.And yes,high school can be horrible.I just try not thinking about it most of the time.

And yes,people need to grow up.You don't need to tell anyone they're ugly.I can't imagine going up to someone and saying something like that.Maybe I expect too much from people?So they call you ugly.What do they want to happen?Do they want a reaction,or do they expect you to turn into their ideal,or what?Seriously,those comments are useless.I pity people like that.

Luckily,I now have a boyfriend who loves me just the way I am.Sadly,on those depressed days I can't think of why he would want something like me?But I still know he loves me.

There's someone out there for everyone.There has to be!

The beautiful people who are rude turn ugly to me.They start looking hideous.I can't stand rudeness of any kind.

[SchnauzerMom]

Speaking of feeling ugly I just had to tell about something that happened to me many years ago but the memory is so strong it's like it happened yesterday. In the summer between 7th and 8th grades we moved to a new state. At the new school I was picked on a lot. One day during the noon hour I left the lunchroom to go out on the playground (it wasn't really a playground but I'll call it that) and wait for class to start. As I approached a boy came up to me and said "we don't allow ugly people here." I immediately responded "then what are you doing here?" He was totally stunned, his mouth fell open and he was speechless. People didn't bother me very much after that. :P

[PurpleBubba]

Good ole brains vs brawn aye ;)
It's good when it works. :luck:

[Arianwen]

Tap, you are very beautiful! You have pretty hair, pretty eyes etc! Robert you are a nice person and not ugly! You have nice hair too!

[Tap Dancer]

Thank you, Arianwen! :hug:

[PurpleBubba]

Thank you everyone :pheart:

This site exists because it's meant to be a safe haven. (Hair care is good too :) )

I do have some bitterness towards those who have imprinted their acts on my memory. But thankfully I've found some outlets such as this to turn it into positives.

Unfortunately in this day there are other methods being turned to for dealing with the pain of the torment.

There are more of us with wounds than there are those who create them. Someday we will be heard. For the better.

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one"

[Volkswillow]

Tap dancer, I think you're Gorgeous! You have Pretty, twinkly eyes and Lovely skin and your hair is so lovely and shiny! - I'm jealous of that photo you have! You know 100 years ago, before wwe had cameras and could broadcast pictures of stick insects with ill thought out words, I bet guys would have been falling over themselves and meanng it when they said you were hot!
The guy who changed his mind - probably has some issues to deal with - what a pillock!

And Robert?
You should get some leathers and a bike and some stick on Tattoos - you'd look great! ;)

[Tap Dancer]

Thanks, Volkswillow. :flowers: That post is from a couple of months ago, so I'm over it now. :)