Pancakes, Legible And Edible

I moved this again...gosh darn it it just loves the moving around. Your topic is restless, Cakes. Anyways, this has become a 'published' work, so now you move on to better things, activating the bottom of the Forums.
-Nemo


The Future

By Pancakes

The internet. LSD. Jesus (invented by the Duke of Sandwich in 1762).

You may be thinking, what do all of these terms have to do with each other? No, Jesus was not taking LSD while on the internet. A good guess, but one that is incredibly wrong. As everyone knows, Jesus had no access LSD, and he is permanently stoned on God anyway, so he probably wouldn’t take them anyway. There wasn’t a book called Bible 2: The Rehab, nor will you see any mention of it in in the current bible (unless you are, of course, on LSD).

The answer of course, is the future. THE FUTURE. These people, places, or things, were all given to us, here in the present (or past, but we don’t like to mention those lazy ********) by the future.

As I would hate to disappoint those who are psyched about seeing my predictions of the future, I’ll list them now.

1) Virtual Death matches-
Ever sick of hearing some lame, overused joke some *** tells (such as that damn one involving the information super highway and being roadkill)? Well, normally you would have to force some weak chuckle at their joke, and maybe smile for a second or two. NOT ANYMORE. You bring them over to the online death pits, and bludgeon their stupid brains out with a metal spiked club.

Being subjected to some lame esophagus story? You won’t have to after you launch several heat-seeking mini nuclear rockets at his/her larynx. One can’t speak if his voice box is made completely of ash, embers, and those microscopic radiation particles.

I’m personally hoping for about a 30 second pause after you kill the person, so you can take a quick victory void on the person’s lifeless, cold corpse. Desecration and fun all in one.

2) More Robots-
Ever walk around school, home, or the work place, and think to yourself, “Man, this place would be so much better if there were hot naked girls (or guys, for the ladies/Democratic girlie men) around...” Well, you aren’t going to get the naked girls, but you are going to get robots. Hope you like galvanized steel!

3) Final Fantasy 34- “Oh my God, I can’t believe the Chocobos and Moogles are doing THAT together!”

For when Squaresoft REALLY runs out of ideas...


Well, I hope you all enjoyed this fun filled list. Perhaps I’ll even make a second one someday. Don’t count on it. Unless you pay me money. Or in LSD. Or in Jesus.

This post has been edited by NemoomeN on Jan 13 2005, 11:47 PM

Yay. All I can suggest is making it longer.

Good use of our swear filter.

P.S. I forgot we have a Books and Writing topic. I moved this there!

Yep. I spent only about 15 minutes on this thing, I might put another 15 in it sometime later...

I edited out A LOT of stuff... The original was a bit more obscene...

Any suggestions besides making it longer?

I think it would be better worded and/or funnier if you said "There wasn't a book called Bible Two: The Rehab, nor will you see any mention of etc etc etc.

Otherwise...no idea what you'd have in store for the future.

What are you talking about? My story has ALWAYS been worded like that.....

The Virtual death machines was by far the worst part. The other stuff was hilarious.

If your going to have that sort of Final Fantasy joke, you should probably make it Final Fantasy 30.

maybe FInal fantasy 69.... and talk more about "the 2nd bible" or what not... it good... but not long enough to be a very enjoying read... close though. add more topics in general, like how cars would be but put a twist on the actually fuel being dead bodies or something... I dunno... good job.... I think

I'll continue these in short spurts every day or so. I like the number I had for FF because it was a somewhat neutral number. You think it might be something nonsexual for a second or two, but then, I nail you anyway. I'm sure if several thousand people read it, at least one would find it funny in that way.

The Future

By Pancakes

The internet. LSD. Jesus (invented by the Duke of Sandwich in 1762).

You may be thinking, what do all of these terms have to do with each other? No, Jesus was not taking LSD while on the internet. A good guess, but one that is incredibly wrong. As everyone knows, Jesus had no access LSD, and he is permanently stoned on God anyway, so he probably wouldn’t take them anyway. There wasn’t a book called Bible 2: The Rehab, nor will you see any mention of it in in the current bible (unless you are, of course, on LSD).

The answer of course, is the future. THE FUTURE. These people, places, or things, were all given to us, here in the present (or past, but we don’t like to mention those lazy ********) by the future.

As I would hate to disappoint those who are psyched about seeing my predictions of the future, I’ll list them now.

1) Virtual Death matches-
Ever sick of hearing some lame, overused joke some *** tells (such as that damn one involving the information super highway and being roadkill)? Well, normally you would have to force some weak chuckle at their joke, and maybe smile for a second or two. NOT ANYMORE. You bring them over to the online death pits, and bludgeon their stupid brains out with a metal spiked club.

Being subjected to some lame esophagus story? You won’t have to after you launch several heat-seeking mini nuclear rockets at his/her larynx. One can’t speak if his voice box is made completely of ash, embers, and those microscopic radiation particles.

I’m personally hoping for about a 30 second pause after you kill the person, so you can take a quick victory void on the person’s lifeless, cold corpse. Desecration and fun all in one.

2) More Robots-
Ever walk around school, home, or the work place, and think to yourself, “Man, this place would be so much better if there were hot naked girls (or guys, for the ladies/Democratic girlie men) around...” Well, you aren’t going to get the naked girls, but you are going to get robots. Hope you like galvanized steel.

3) Final Fantasy 34- “Oh my God, I can’t believe the Chocobos and Moogles are doing THAT together!”

For when Squaresoft REALLY runs out of ideas...

4)
In the future, there will be a global information network, connecting millions of different “computer servers.” These, “computer servers,” will hold “web pages,” allowing for information on these “servers” to be viewed by anyone on the “Internet computer network.” The “Internet,” will also allow for such miracles as being able to chat “online” with acquaintances and friends thousands of miles away without the use of the US Postal Service! Various “search engines” will allow you to sort the useless information, allowing instant access to any information you want (unless you want something besides obscure kinds of porn). I realize, this “Internet” may be hard to swallow, but we may see this amazing accomplishment may be feasible during our as our lifetime!

5)
Even have Clap-On light switches, but are too lazy to move your hands in a strong, clapping noise? In the future, this will be of absolutely no difficulty! With Breath-On, even the slightest breath will activate the patented Breath-On system, turning your lights on and off.
Ever get paralyzed, and unable to move any of your limbs, but still able to use your lungs? Think of all the money in electricity you could save if you could turn the lights off... Can’t even move your arms you say? No problem! Just breath, and the lights will turn off without any real work done by you! Those pesky disabling ailments are no problem when faced up against Breath-On!

6) The Apocalypse
I’m not going to get very in depth with this one, but it will involve chipmunks, and no, they will not be friendly chipmunks.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed this fun filled list. Perhaps I’ll even make a second one someday. Don’t count on it. Unless you pay me money. Or in LSD. Or in Jesus.
I’d also like to thank quotation marks, because without them, prediction 4 would be laughably unfunny. If you have any doubts, remove them and try reading it again...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, here's the finished thing. I decided to make another post because I wanted to draw attention to it... Feel free to combine it with my last one if you want.

http://tehmoosecaboose.com/guest/pancakes.htm

And it's just that simple.

EDIT: You left two days before re-posting. That's fine.