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[Natalie Valyrin]

Character Information:

Name:Yukiko
Alias:
Age:17
Gender:Female
Species:Human
Homeworld:Ukatis
Personality: Yukiko is very kind hearted and will try to help some one who is hurt. She is also a hard worker; she will not let any thing get in her way when she wants to do some thing. She loves to read books about the force. She is very knowledgeable about the force. She knows a lot of powers but can not use them. She loves to read out side on nice days. She does not sleep much because of the fact that she has a sleeping disorder so she normal is found walking around the Temple being bored out of her mind because she has nothing to do. Her least favorite thing to do is sitting in a classroom listing to boring lectures.

She can some times get too carried away with studing she some times does not get any sleep. Which this does not help her much, she tryes to stay out of fights but knows that that would be imposable to do so she will use the knowledge she has gained to help her though it. She tries her best to keep up with her lightsaber skills up to par but she does not always do so. She knows nothing about love or sex; she is very innocent when it comes to that kind of subject. She knows she is not perfect even though some people who are younger then her think she thinks she is. She had agitated people because of the fact that she has the tendency to correct people’s mistakes.

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The Character

Appearance:
Clothing:
Bio:

The Beginning

Yukiko was born on Ukatis. She did not know her mother because she had died giving birth to Yuki. She was named after her mother. She learned a lot about fixing things by her father when she was really young. She did not want to leave her father when a jedi offered to take her the jedi order to be taught the ways of the jedi because she had made some thing float in front of them both. She hated it at first but then started to grow to the Temple.

She had just turned ten when her body began to change which she did not know what to do. She ran to some one who she trusted and asked them what was going on. The laughed at her and hugged her telling her not to wear about it and that it was natural things going on with in her body. She soon was the top of her classes because she would study ahead and learn all she could. This some times pissed off her other class mates because she was able to answer most of the questions with out thinking about it much. She was reading up on the jedi heroes and came acrost one named Avan Exellius. She promised her self that she would be as grand as he was in his days.

When she turned twelve years old she had been taken in by a jedi master who trained her every thing he knew. He was on a mission with her when they were attacked and in his last desperate attempt to keep her alive pushed her on to the ship and made it take off with out him. She never saw him after that. When she returned to the Temple she told Council all that had happened and then went on to learning more about the force so she could better under stand the living Force. She soon got a new master who furthered her training which made her happy because she was learning more and more every day.

Knighthood

She had just turned seventeen when her master asked the Council to make her a knight. She was surprised that her master thought she was ready to become a knight but she knew to keep her mouth shut. When the Council put her through the test she passed with flying colors. She soon became a knight and furthers her studies in the force. She knew a lot about the force but not as much as some of the masters in the Temple. She did not think she was ready to take on a Padawan of her own yet though. She did not think she was quite at the age to truly instruct some one.

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Faction:

Alignment: New jedi order
Occupation:Jedi Knight
Force-Sensitive? Yesb
Force Powers:
Force Speed - Trained
Force Concealment - Trained
Force Sense - Trained
Force Telepathy - Intermediate
Force Telekinesis - Intermediate

Universal
Force Wave-weak

Lightside
Force heal-untrained

Force Form:
Saber Form:
Form IV: Ataru-Intermediate

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Misc.

Weapon: She has twin white light sabers.
Items:a datapad on all the Council members, A brush( She hates when her hair is untided) a datapad on all the rules of the order
Ship:what every she can use at the time.

This post has been edited by Avan Exellius on Nov 14 2009, 07:41 PM

[Wolf]

For the sake of saying this, please run your profile through a spell checker when finished. A great one is located right here, and it's as simple as copy and paste and click.

http://www.jspell.com/public-spell-checker.html

Thanks.

[Avan Exellius]

Also Form XX? No Form numbers can only be approved by Jedi Council and there are the Core 7 and the Three Styles of the NJO/and the Three Rings of Defense then there are the other forms of Combat created outside the Order such as Jar'kai yet are not considered an official form of the Order. You can make your own form, but you are going to have explain it.

[Natalie Valyrin]

Ok I am almost done with her bio....I just put up her Personality. tell me what you think.

[Avan Exellius]

Her personality seems very base at surface. It is alot of what she "Likes" not who she "Is". People can like many things, but you cannot base an understanding about who they are from that. I would say expand another paragraph or two to focus on what she believes and how she reacts. This will form a personality.

And as I said before when you get to the Lightsaber form. Form XX is not an existing style. If it is an original style please describe it when you do get to that point.

~Avan/SWG Staff

[Seiryu Akatsuki]

I'll go ahead and post my two cents here for you, an easy way to go about creating that personality that will really only expound upon what you have now, is to dig a little deeper into those likes. You told use what she likes, now explain how that effects her. What we like is a big part of what makes us who we are, but to really give the character a personality, you have to really show us how those likes create the core of her personality. You had said she has a sleeping disorder, and that she wanders around... So tell us just a bit more, how does that effect her? Does she have insomnia and have to take meds? Is she searching for a way to use the Force to cure herself? Even so much as just one or two sentences explaining how each of those 'likes' effects her will go along way towards really fleshing out this personality.

[Natalie Valyrin]

Ok tell me what you think about it Avan.

[Avan Exellius]

Everything seems orderly and find except there are two facts that seem off.

Avan has been around only 3 years, a little over 2 years as Grandmaster. So she would have seen/known about him when she was 14 or 15. Or she prolly could of read up on him as one of the many Jedi heroes that made the Order Prior to them.

Sokan is not a core form, it is a principle and form of combat, not of the official 7 lightsaber forms. Obi-Wan used it as a principle of fighting on terrain, keep the higher ground, force your enemies to come at you then get caught in the snare. However Obi-wan practiced mainly Soresu with elements of Ataru, Shii-Cho, and Niman.

I would also suggest looking over the bio again correcting a few grammar mistakes, though it is still readable.

I hope this was of some Help.

~Avan/SWG Staff.

[Natalie Valyrin]

how does that look?

-changed how she know about Aven

-Changed form

-looked over grammer.

[Avan Exellius]

Everything seems fine and orderly, I fixed the spacing issues and the coding in the bio though to make it look more orderly.

[Avan Exellius]

Congratulations! Your New Jedi Order character has been approved.

~SW:G Staff.