Why do people ALWAYS have to comment?

Hi All,

This is probably the thing that bothers me the most about my size. Its not a problem for me but it apparently is for everybody else. I don't understand why people appear to have this overwhelming urge to comment continually on my height, weight or youthfulness.
I was in an elevator today and this Italian woman got on and exlaimed 'You look like a child!' I looked at her and said 'Thanks so much for informing me of the fact, I really didn't know.'
Now just to clarify I in no way look like a child, I have a woman's body but I'm thin and small framed, I also have very good skin and kind of a 'doll face' I suppose.
I really don't know how people think its complimentary to make these belittling comments, I would NEVER pass remarks about people EVER.
I know I was all upbeat and everything the other day and I do stand by what I said but at times it just gets too much and it starts to get to you.

Can anybody tell me why people can't just keep their mouths closed?

Nia

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 19 and 4'8, and in high school I had a comment almost every day about my height. Now that I'm in my second year of college, my fellow college students don't say much of anything about my height, it's only when I go out or when I work that people feel the need to comment. When I worked as a cashier a few months ago, people were constantly asking me if I were old enough to work there. What a stupid question! I usually would just look at them with a dead stare and ask, "If I wasn't old enough, would I be working here?" To which they usually would reply, "I don't know, you tell me." I swear, some people in my town are idiots.

Don't be afraid to get angry with people, that usually sets them straight. Never, EVER play along and joke with them, because then they continue to feel as if there's no harm in commenting on other people's appearance in what seems like a negative manner. I've found that out already...if I let other people belittle me over my size (no pun intended) then they'll never stop.

People's comments about my height are usually what makes me want to go into isolation and never talk to any member of the human race again. It's pathetic--I'm 19 years old and I should be carefree and confident, but I'm exactly the opposite. And it's all because of the dumb*** people. /end of bitter speech

Hiya!

Nice to meet you, I'm only three quarters or an inch taller than you so we're very similar! The only difference is that I'm almost 30 years old and I still get these stupid comments. Everybody tells me I'll be happy when I'm fifty but that doesn't help me right now does it? Now i'm usually extremely ready with cutting comments and anybody who knows me on this forum will tell you I'm infamous for that as I used to be a regular on here a few years ago. However as i've just started a job which requires utmost politeness with everbody I come into contact with, I am unable to kick them into touch and have to be very careful about what I say or I could end up getting fired.

This has been a bit of a shock to my system recently because I live in quite an upmarket area and people appear to have a bit more class and I haven't had one comment since we moved two years ago.
But since I have been working in the hospital I'm dealing with people from 'the other side of the tracks' if you know what I mean and they have NO class whatsover - none!

I had a whinge to my husband last night and he gave me a cuddle made me put it in perspective.

If I wasn't as 'tiny' as I am, we would have never met as he himself is 5'1 and I would never have met anybody who dotes on me, loves me, and takes care of me better than he does. This is very true! I'm very lucky we are together.

He also said 'you are unique, you've got a body most people would kill for and you're very pretty. Everybody else just kind of blends in to the background, I think you should be mad when you come home and you've had NO comments!'
That's rather a novel and optimistic way of looking at it but it helped make me feel a bit better.

You know what the funny thing is? My husband is 5'1 and you would think as a short man he would bear the brunt of this type of comment, but he NEVER gets them! I suppose the reason for this is because he used to be a jockey and when you're putting you're life on the line everyday for years you get to a point where nothing fazes you. He's now a manager within a graphic design company. Something he never thought he'd be because of his height but he's very good at his job and is extremely confident so I suppose that's why he was promoted over the 6'5 people. I bet they are happy about that aren't they? lol.

I've asked him in the past whether anybody has ever said anything and he said the only comment he ever got was when he first started as a desktop artist about 7 years ago.
The guy in the next cube made some belittling comment and he just replied 'dude,you're fat, got anything else to say?' and that was the end of that.
also, I never get any comments when I'm with him, EVER. He clearly intimidates the shit out of people.
I wish I could have that kind of presence but as confident as I act people still stick it to me. I've accepted its something I have to live with but sometimes its nice to vent to people who know how I feel.
Thanks for listening!

To give you an example of just how cutting I can be when I want to be.
There was a time I was standing at a train station and the train was late. I saw somebody talking to one of the staff so I went up to him and said:
'Excuse me, could you tel me when the train wil be arriving?
(He pulled himself up to his full height before saying) 'Before I tell you, how old are you?
'Why?'
'Because you're short!'
So that give you the right to question me on my personal details does it? Tell me, does the fact that you're fat give me the right to know how much you weigh?'
How much DO you weigh, just out of interest?'
He then mumbled something incoherent and shuffled away.
However in this job I'm not allowed to make remarks like that because somebody could complain and I could get fired. However I am going to start saying that I don't appreciate those types of comments from now on. Why should I let me get away with it?

F*ck all those ugly common fat bastards, no more Mrs Nice Nia from now on.

Ah, hello Nia! 3/4 inches taller than me? Damn, even at a short person forum I still can't find anyone else my height or shorter than me. I must be a real midget then, eh?

Height seriously makes me depressed. I remember in high school it really bothered me because EVERY day I would get a comment. I remember being in line in the high school cafeteria with a friend about the same height as me, when a jackass behind us said "Wow, you are SO tiny!" I just turned around and spat out "Yeah? Well so is your dick." His friends laughed hysterically as did mine, and he scoffed and tried to retaliate by saying "Hey, you'd be surprised." I just shook my head and said "I'm sure I wouldn't." That was usually the type of attitude I had back in high school.

Now that I'm in college, I really can't say things like that because I'm pretty much past that maturity level. Whenever I get a comment, I just try to put the person on a guilt trip. My height is related to my brittle bone disease (osteogenesis imperfecta), so if a stranger makes a height joke, I usually stare them with a really sad expression and say "I'm short because of a very painful bone disease I was born with...so when you make a joke about my height it really reminds me of all the painful times I've been through." Once I said that to a couple in my line at a store I used to work for...the couple was really driving home the fact that I was short. Needless to say, they apologized profusely.

I actually got another height joke today while buying food from my college cafeteria. (I swear, I have the worst luck in lines!) The cashier stood up proudly next to me and said to the customer behind me, "I feel so tall!" Since she's part of the college staff, I couldn't be completely mean, so I said "That's not funny. That's actually pretty rude." She scoffed, saying her daughter was short also. Then I told her "I feel sorry for your daughter then."

My current boyfriend doesn't make fun of my height now, but he did the first few weeks we were dating. He said he couldn't help himself, that it was a "reaction". I let him know that it really hurt my feelings so after a while he's learned to control himself. I really doubt that if he still continued making height comments that we'd still be dating.

I pretty much feel like I can't accomplish anything because of my height. I'm always "Oh, I doubt I can be that cause I'd never be taken seriously enough to climb that particular career ladder".

And I'm ALWAYS comparing myself to girls of average height. I do consider myself pretty but I never feel like I measure up just because I'm 4'8. Like, no matter how gorgeous my face is or how thin and toned I am, I'm not going to be as attractive as a random pretty girl of average height just because I have the height disadvantage. Ugh.

So yeah, that's my attitude towards my height in a nutshell.

The things both of you are saying, I have heard and felt them all. I'm not really all that short, but I have a very young look and yes, I have been called baby face, which is utterly horrible.

PS: Easilyjaded, yes, comments hurt, I come here to vent and talk about this stuff with people who have experienced it, but short woman can succeed just like everybody else. I have met short women in seriously powerful jobs. You don't need every single person to respect you at first glance, or for that matter at all. Just enough people who will become your colleagues, collaborators, customers, mentors, etc. I've had frustrating experiences but also worked hard and met plenty of people who take me very seriously. Really, in the big picture, if you work hard your height will not get in your way of success.

Sounds quite similar to me - you're 38, I'm 39. You're 5'1, about 3 or 4 inches shorter than average for a woman, I'm 5'6, about 3 or 4 inches shorter than average for a man.

I often play the organ for a church. Some of the women there still describe me as a "young boy" or their "little man". They don't mean it in a derogatory way but it still grates.

I guess my stature is part of what makes people assume I am young, although the days of being mistaken for a teenager have gone (last time I was asked for ID when buying a beer was 3 years ago in Florida). But one of my friends from school is 5'2 and he looked like he was 50 ten years ago.

So what is it that commands respect these days - the age you look, the way you dress, your height, or your attitude? Probably a combination of all 4.

Hi all,

Easily Jaded, the founder of this website is 4'7. I have also met other women on here who were 4'5. Until I came here I thought I would never meet anybody the same height or shorter than me who were perfectly normal in every other way. Don't worry though there is ALWAYS somebody in the same boat.

Lisa, what you need to realise is that everbobody has SOMETHING they are insecure about. This could be anything wether its visible or not to anybody else. Some people deal with their own insecurites by pointing out what they percieve as other people's flaws as a way of deflecting attention away from THEIR thing. This is an extremely cowardly thing to do but that is how some people are.
Some people are threatened by anything different to the norm and feel the need to attack it. When you think about it lots of people are very uneducated and behave like animals.
What happens when a caged parrot happens to get outside? All of the other birds attack it and usually kill it because they see it is different to them, and their self preservation instinct kicks in. People are not much different in the scheme of things.

If you feel like you are being had and you're not happy about it, sit down and think about some retorts for when this kind of thing happens to you and practice saying them out loud.
If some fat matronly cow says something to you just smile smugly and say 'Yeah, jealous much?' That's all you need to do. Because Lisa, if they are saying anything about your size then they clearly ARE!
Have you any idea how much these women would kill to look like you? You don't have to get b*tchy when people say stuff just turn it around and make them look foolish. You could be very subtle, sometimes I merely look a person up and down, look them in the eye and then very pointedly say 'There are MUCH worse things I coud be' or 'rather be short than fat.'
Don't let people cr*p all over you, you're better than that and don't let them upset you either. I know its easier said than done but are they worth it? Also your mother's friend sounds like a total moron, so only tall women can be beautiful? Says who? Who cares what she thinks. Is she tall herself? That sounds like her own insecurity talking to me. If she says anything like that again just say 'who asked you?' Your husband thinks you're beautiful so who else matters?

A couple of days ago a patient mumbled 'midget' as he shuffled away from my desk.
'Excuse me? Can you repeat that please?'
Louder) 'I said you're a midget'
'Yes I am, what's you're point? Did you have a point to make, or were you just stating the obvious?'
He proceeded to stand there opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water before leaving.

Before that day I would have gotten angry and upset and that comment but this guy was miserable and wanted everyone else to be miserable too, he wanted a reaction and he didn't get one. Despite the fact that I agreed with him, who won?
That is how I will handle it from now on at work anytime anybody says anything like that. Because if I agree with them what can they really say to that?

Besides I AM what most would consider 'a midget' and when you think about it, is that really such a terrible thing to be? As much as I don't like that word, perhaps its time to remove the negative connatations of that word in our minds. We would probably all be much happier if we did so.

Nia

Don't worry about that, it has become law in many states to ask EVERYBODY from ID, whether they look 15 or 90. That's how it is in PA anyway.

We had a case over here not so long ago - Morrisons refused to sell a bottle of sherry to an 87 year old who wouldn't provide them with proof that he was over 18!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/north_y...ire/6296637.stm

Nia & Mantrashak,

Thanks for the kind words of support. Nia, I will apply your suggestions. This sounds like a very good way of dealing with the overt comments, especially as it's subtle and can be used even against the ones that are subtle.

Lisa

She's jealous of you, its that simple and she's probably accused her husband of finding you attractive so now he's trying to overcompensate by making these remarks.
With regard to patronising comments, you could just tell people how old you are. I find looking people in the eye and saying 'you DO realise I'm twenty nine?' or if they say 'you look like a little girl!' just replying very curtly 'well I'm not' that usually shuts them up.

Nia, I hear you. Thanks for the good tools to deflect these people who project their own inner weirdness onto me. It really is unbelievable the things people permit themselves to say.

Hi Lisa,

How is your self confidence level? I find that if I act super confident (even if I'm not feeling it) people rarely say anything to me because my confidence intimidates them. If I'm feeling vulnerable and just want to hide, those are the days people will ususaly stick the knife in.
So, all I'm saying is that if you project utmost confidence (or even cockiness) people will be less likely to treat you like this because they'll say to themselves 'now, is this really a good idea?' and the answer they come up with is usually no.

Body language is key too, I always stand up straight with my head up and always make eye contact with people. Avoiding eye contact makes you look like you lack self confidence and a person insecure about themselves will use that to their advantage. Walk around like you are the tallest person in the room and you will feel a definite shift in the way people treat you and talk to you.
Don't be afraid to stare people down either, if I feel eyes on me for more than about 10 seconds I will turn and stare back at that person untill they look away. Sometimes you have to give them an extra push by giving them a 'what?' look but I haven't had anybody do that, who didn't look away after being given the ol stink eye!

Thanks Nia, You are so right. You are good at handling these types.

I usually say 'forget your camera?' that embarrasses the hell out of them!

That's really funny. You are good at this!

Nia, i have a strange request. I've recently experienced some trouble with finding that i'm identifiable online to some people and decided to modify certain posts so there is no permanent record of my presence. Could you remove the bubble where you quote me earlier? It talks about someone I know and I would rather not leave a record of it permanently.Thanks! BTW, have applied your advice. It is good!

hey i'm 16 and only 4'9" the other day i went to see a 12a rated film and the ticket seller goes to me 'you do know under 12s need an adult with them?' this anoyed me so much and because i didnt have any ID i wasnt allowed to see the film even though i was with a friend who was only 14 and didnt even get IDed.

i know i shouldnt let it get to me but it does, so if anyone has anything i can do to make myself look older or at least my age! lol. i would be so so grateful.

I never looked my age, and was always questioned until I was well into my 20s. Fact of life - young people want to look older, old people want to look younger.

Are you male or female?

Apart from trying to make yourself look older, you could always carry something that proves you are the age you say you are. Might be a pain, but try to take it as a compliment when you are asked. In fact, some places have staff who ask everybody, no matter how old they look. They're only doing their job.

When you learn to drive, there's a driving license. Until then, there are various schemes to make it easier for people who don't look their age to get let into appropriate films, served alcohol, etc, eg http://www.citizencard.com/