The 'M' word, heightism

[Mantrashak]

I have a friend in the navy. He's 6'4, so towers over me. Now he's just found out I've started dating a girl who is 4'11. Almost immediately he described her as a midget.

I was left rather speechless. I ended up totally ignoring the comment. I suppose I could have asked him exactly what he meant... perhaps he didn't realise how derogatory it was. Both to me and my girlfriend. If he'd said it infront of her I'd probably have hit him! Rather ironically, his own wife is only about 5'2, so not much taller than my girlfriend.

It's not enough for us to fall out over. I'm hoping he didn't really mean what he said, and he just said it without thinking. I'm just wondering how I'll react if it happens again, either from him or someone else.

So I'm just wondering what everyone else thinks. Was it a harmless statement? Should I ignore it? Should I have challenged him? And is it the sort of thing I can expect from other people?

[twente]

Well the only way to really anser that is to ask him what he ment

[lisa]

Hi Mantrashak, I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I've been called a midget before, and it's very unpleasant. Some tall people seem to think they sound cute using that as a wholesale descriptor for all short people. In my opinion, if he's a good friend you could bring it up again, but if he's not, I would just wait and see if he's offensive again, and have a reply waiting like "I find that offensive". Of course I myself am not good at making such replies. The bottom line is that it doesn't really matter whether or not you answer back to him. The shame is on him for being rude to you by speaking that way of your girlfriend, and he sounds rather like a big clod. You could call him "shrek", but I don't necessarily recommend meanness because it just makes the offender feel justified. I am slowly coming to accept that we can't fix or "get" everybody, much as we might like to. But this said, you could rib him a bit to show some teeth and tell him what Winston Churchill said of the navy: "the traditions of the navy are rum, buggery and the lash!" Actually American military personnel call navy guys "squids". There, you are armed to needle him if you wish.

[iamshort]

I find it's not the word that bothers me but who says it and in what context.

If it's my friends and family poking fun then it's funny.
If it's a total stranger I might be a little pissed off because who are they to know i'm ok with that!

If it's said in a mean way, well that's mean!

I tend to find people think they are being cute and endearing and don't mean to be insulting, they mean it in an affectionate way, so oh well, it's always nice to know people are fond of you!!

[Mantrashak]

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm sure he and her will get to meet at some point - I'll wait and see what happens then.

Sort of on topic in an off topic sort of way, has anyone seen the report in the news recently about a family who was forced to move because they have ginger hair? There's a full report at the BBC website (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6725653.stm)

It asks, Is gingerism as bad as racism? It goes on to say that "While there has been at least one report of a serious anti-red hair hate crime in the UK - a 20-year-old stabbed in the back in 2003 - it's unclear whose responsibility it is to monitor discrimination." and "While other forms of the discrimination are the subject of marches, lobbying and education campaigns, redheads cannot expect the arrival of the politically correct cavalry anytime soon."

I see a lot of similarities here with heightism...

[VirtualAndy]

I agree with "iamshort" here (sorry, don't know your name!) - it depends very much on who says the thing and in what context.

Within a circle of friends, things are often said in jest that would otherwise be dreadfully insulting. I myself have said things to friends that I would never dream of saying to strangers, but only when I have been sure that they won't take offence.

Of course, sometimes even friends get it wrong, but with friends you should be able to sort it out amicably. This might mean a quiet word, or sometimes not even that - in some cases your reaction alone will be enough to convince the perpetrator that he/she has gone too far.

Andy.

[littlelegs]

I think that is one of the worst names to be used.
Just call them by their name it is easier.