Lost and Found, ♥ Jenna ♥

[Ryan Norris]

Ryan had woken to find Jenna, once again, missing from the ship. After a month of searching, something had driven him to the forest. He had no idea if she'd be here, but it was as likely as any other place, and something in him craved the seclusion and quiet of the forest as opposed to the chaos of the city.

"Jenna?" he called out wearily, discouraged by his lack of luck so far. He kicked at the stray pine needles that lined the ground as he made his way deeper into the forest. How would he ever find her out here? Tired from searching, he sank to a convenient rock and sighed. "Jenna, where are you?" he asked to the empty forest.

[Jenna Moore]

She was feeling again. She hadn't felt like herself since she burned those cards with Ryan. But then again, she had been pretty much depressed since she was born. Maybe that was who she really was, not the happy, giddy, eccentric girl everyone knew. It didn't matter, what mattered was the emotional hurt. She shifted, refusing to cry. Her self-inflicted injuries had finally healed over the past month, but here she was, in emotional pain again. She stared down at herself, in raggedy black clothes, looking like a poor goth. She wasn't either of those. She was a rabbit.

But even anthros can't survive just by their animal side, not with this hurt. Devoid of any emotion other than depression, she rolled up her shirt and pulled out her knife. She sliced herself across the stomach; cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. She dropped her shirt down and let it hide the blood, let it soak up some of the blood. She closed her eyes, just standing there, letting the physical pain outweigh the emotional pain. Finally, she wiped off the blade and put it away, taking a short walk. She wanted to stop bleeding before she shifted back.

"Jenna?"

She froze. No, go away. You wouldn't like me like this.

"Jenna, where are you?"

Was that Ryan's voice? It sounded like it, but she couldn't tell. All she could tell was that he was close to her rabbit hole, and she wanted to get home. She cautiously walked towards her hole, but froze when she saw him. He was sitting on a rock right beside her home. How was she supposed to get in there without being noticed? Duh, shift. So she shifted.

She hopped stealthily toward her domain, trying not to be noticed. She was almost there, right at his feet, when suddenly, a daring eagle swooped down and grabbed her in its claws. Jenna shifted as soon as possible, but the bird was already high up. She inadvertently let out a shriek as she fell twenty feet towards the ground. Thump! She moaned in pain. It didn't help if it wasn't self-inflicted... The fall hurt so much she couldn't even shift back. Luckily it didn't make the bleeding any worse, just bruised her up a bit.

[Ryan Norris]

For once, Ryan did not even notice the small forest creature until something big and obvious happened. Thus he was taken quite by surprise when an eagle swooped past him. Even more so when the eagle's prey shifted and screamed, falling to the ground much larger than it had been when the eagle caught it.

Ryan jumped up just as the figure gave out a moan of pain, and with a start he realized it was Jenna. He rushed to her side, internally groaning at having to patch her up again, but relieved to have found her. "Jenna!" he cried out as he knelt beside her. He picked her up as gently as he could and began carrying her back to the city. It was closer than his ship, though he had no set destination in mind. Perhaps her house? The hospital hardly even crossed his mind, he was too used to being self-dependent on the ship. "Where have you been?" he asked, gently, not scolding. It was not important to know right then, he knew, but he wanted to keep her talking to be sure she was still conscious and doing reasonably alright.

[Jenna Moore]

"Jenna!" She opened her eyes to find Ryan hovering over her, looking concerned. Touched, she was reminded of her mother, and how, when she wasn't working to keep Jenna alive, she would care for her tenderly. She melted gratefully into his hold when he picked her up. She didn't realize how much she had missed this; in fact, she hadn't thought she'd miss it at all. She just wanted to forget, to fade away...

"Where have you been?"

She looped her arms around his neck, trying to get a better hold on him so she wouldn't fall out of his arms. Not that she didn't trust him. She trusted him with her life! Her subconscious just wanted to hold him and be held by him. She had missed his touch. But right now, she felt like a burden. "Just... around." She replied vaguely, not wanting to get into it at all.

She sighed and buried her face into his shoulder. "I missed you," She mumbled, closing her eyes against the fabric of his shirt. Now that she had this, now that she was being taken care of, she couldn't remember why she had left in the first place. What was it; homesickness? It was all a haze in her mind, and she didn't want to think about it. All she wanted to think about was Ryan holding her, and how tender he was with her.

[Ryan Norris]

She didn't answer him specifically, but he was relieved to hear that she sounded alright. The fall hadn't been as bad as he'd thought, then. She was lucky not to have broken anything. He was lucky that they weren't far at all from the city. "I missed you," she mumbled, burying her face in his neck. It made him smile, despite the worry he still had for her. "I missed you, too."

A fortunately short while later, they were back in the city, and Ryan had Jenna direct him to her apartment. He set her down on the sofa so that she was lying down, and it was when he stepped back that he realized how unusual her clothing choice was.

"What are you wearing?" he blurted out, sounding confused and possibly a bit scornful, though truly he was only curious.

[Jenna Moore]

Jenna sighed gratefully as he gently lay her down on her couch. It felt good to sink into the cushions, into the covered cotton. She kept her eyes trained on Ryan the entire time, wondering how she had gone so long without seeing him. She hated being dependent, but for some reason, it wasn't so bad with her pirate friend.

"What are you wearing?"

"Huh?" Confused, she looked down at herself to see what he was referring to. Oh... her almost gothic appearance. Well, she certainly couldn't tell him the truth, could she? "Clothes..." She replied, still being as vague as possible. She didn't like doing to this to him, but what choice did she have? Jenna slowly sat up, careful with her back. She was pleasantly surprised it hadn't broken when she had escaped that eagle, but it still hurt a bit. After all, she had landed on it. She patted the space beside her, gesturing for Ryan to sit down with her. He didn't have to stand...

After sitting together in a few moments of silence, she spoke. "So..." She was trying so hard to keep the attention away from herself, "How have you been?"

[Ryan Norris]

"Huh?" she looked confused and then looked down at herself. "Clothes..." He just nodded slowly like he understood. Stupid question, stupid answer. It made perfect sense to him...

There was silence for a moment while he considered this, but he really wasn't that deeply concerned by it. It seemed normal enough to him. She gestured for him to sit next to her, so he did, though she really should have been lying down...

"So..." she started, "How have you been?"

He shrugged, in one of his quiet moods, "I've been alright. Tired of this city... Glad I found you." That pretty much summed everything up.

"You?" he asked, then thought better of it. "Wait, you need to lie down first. Then tell me." He settled so she could lay her head in his lap, or rest her legs across him, whichever made her most comfortable. Usually he would have gotten up, but he wanted to be near her, he had missed her, and he knew if he got up he'd never get her to lie down.



((Sorry 'tis crap, m'dear, but it's all I have... And no, this does not mean that leaving me alone and bored gets me to post, so don't abuse me if I'm not inspired. That's just cruel. This means I finally have had a night without a headache. Yay!))

[Jenna Moore]

((Damn. I was about to go on vacation more often. XD))


"I've been alright. Tired of this city... Glad I found you." She smiled softly, feeling a little better knowing that he cared. "You? Wait, you need to lie down first. Then tell me." She scowled internally. She watched him move so she could lay across him, and giving up only slightly, she decided it was safe for her to allow him this. Laying her head down on his lap, she stared up at him with affection. He really did care, didn't he?

"I've been fine; it doesn't matter," She waved off his questioning and continued, intent on keeping the attention on him and off of her. "No wild pirate escapades to tell me about? No adventurous attacks on merchant ships without me?" She smiled at her little joke as she tried so hard to keep the mood light and painless.

"Wait..." She paused, frowning. He said he was tired of the city, and that he was glad he found her. Putting two and two together, she confronted her friend. "Have you been looking for me?" Her brows furrowed slightly as her frown deepened. Had she caused him stress? She hoped she didn't, she already felt guilty enough. Speaking of negative feelings... She subtly pressed on her stomach, where her wounds were. As she felt the sharp pang of pain, she focused on it instead of her guilt and her mistakes.

[Ryan Norris]

She finally consented to lie down, which made him feel better, at least. He looked down into the innocent face that peered up at him as Jenna spoke, "I've been fine; it doesn't matter." His eyebrows came closer together ever so slightly as doubt and concern formed in his mind. This didn't sound like the Jenna he knew. It wasn't her words, so much, as the way she said them. Something had changed. "No wild pirate escapades to tell me about? No adventurous attacks on merchant ships without me?" She smiled but he found it difficult to return the favor, and the expression came out strained. There was a bit of the old Jenna, the one he knew... his Jenna... but there was also so much missing.

"Wait..." she paused and frowned. "Have you been looking for me?" He hated that slightly distressed look on her face, but he nodded anyway. "Ever since you left..." he drifted off, a little embarrassed, then explained, "I was worried about you... and I missed you so much." His expression, still worried, softened as he smiled weakly at her again, "I didn't want you to get attacked again... especially if I wasn't around to patch you up." He smiled more at his joke, trying to lighten the mood, but then his expression turned to worry again, "Nothing happened to you... did it?"

He hated the thought of her all alone and vulnerable out in the world. What if something had happened to her? She always tried to downplay her injuries... it was the instinct of the wounded animal; don't show weakness. They both knew she had nothing to fear from him, but she always seemed to hide from him anyway, and it hurt him when she hid from him like this. Why didn't she trust him? As he thought about it, he found other questions. Why did he care about her so much? He was used to saving small animals and then having to release them once they were better, no matter what might happen to them out there. Sure, she was an anthro, but why was this case so different? Why had he had to get her back?

It had crossed his mind more than once that Chuck, as fond as he was of Ryan, may have sailed on without him. That thought hurt, but it was overpowered by the fact that he'd found Jenna, and that she was alright, and that they were here together. He wasn't sure what would happen next, but he knew things would work out somehow. All these thoughts floated through his mind in the short span of time as he waited for her answer.

[Jenna Moore]

"Ever since you left..." She winced. A month was a long time to look for somebody. "Ryan..." She started, but he continued anyway. "I was worried about you... and I missed you so much." Both of their expressions softened at his confession. She couldn't believe anyone actually liked her that much, that anyone cared that much. It was a shock to her; she wasn't used to that, she was used to abuse and depending on herself.

"I didn't want you to get attacked again... especially if I wasn't around to patch you up." They both grinned at his little joke, but for Jenna it was more of a fake grin. She knew she was a burden, even if he was just kidding. Suddenly his expression changed to worry, and she couldn't help but change her expression to match his frown. What had happened? "Nothing happened to you... did it?"

All the color drained from her face as her fear and paranoia escalated, but she tried to hide it. "N-no," She stuttered, nervous. Lying was natural for her, so why was it suddenly so difficult? She swallowed and cleared her throat, trying to mask her anxiety. "I just wanted to see what it was like to live by my animal side instead of my human side, you know?" She lied smoothly. "But to answer your question," She continued flawlessly, at ease now that she was confident in her lies, "No, nothing happened to me. Nothing besides when that eagle almost got me right in front of you. But other than that, I've been great!" She smiled, but added as a last-second-thought, "I did miss you a lot, though..."

[Ryan Norris]

He watched her with concern as she visibly paled and stammered out, "N-no," he wondered about it until she cleared her throat and contined, more easily now. "I just wanted to see what it was like to live by my animal side instead of my human side, you know?" To be honest, he had no idea. He had one form. He'd always wondered about it, though. The freedom had always fascinated him. He guessed he could see how it could be tempting to try. In any case, she seemed better now. Maybe the stuttering and all that was just her still feeling sick. She had fallen pretty far.

"But to answer your question, no, nothing happened to me. Nothing besides when that eagle almost got me right in front of you. But other than that, I've been great!" She smiled at him, and, fears mostly assuaged, he smiled back, his expression the most genuine yet today. "I did miss you a lot, though..."

Something struck him in that moment, and he had a sudden urge to kiss her. The spontaneity surprised even himself, and for once he thought about his actions. No... the moment just wasn't quite right... and besides, he seemed to have lost the nerve, for once in his life. Instead, still gripped by the desire to do something, he began gently playing with her hair, and almost stroking her head. "I missed you, too..." he began, now that he'd regained the ability to speak. Gently, hesitantly, he asked the question he'd been wondering from the start, trying to speak in a way that didn't push her away, "Jenna... Why- What made you leave?"

[Jenna Moore]

Jenna sighed and closed her eyes, leaning into his hand as he stroked her hair. It was such a comforting gesture... "I missed you, too..." She smiled, eyes still closed. It felt so good to be loved, she hadn't felt that since her mother passed away from leukemia. "Jenna..." She opened her eyes to look at him questioningly. "Why- What made you leave?"

She quickly sat up. No, no, he wasn't supposed to keep on at her! Her nerves were shot, and she couldn't keep on lying to her best friend. She scooted away, trying to be subtle and probably failing. "I... I told you, I wanted to...to see what it was like to... to... what it was like to live by my animal side and..." She winced. Her hands started trembling, and to make them stop, or at least make them not so noticeable, she clutched her hands together tightly in her lap and stared down at them. She squeezed her eyes shut. The attention was supposed to be on him, not her! C'mon, Jenna! Get him to think of himself, get him to talk about himself, do something, anything! Get the attention off yourself! If he finds out how messed up you really are, he'll never even want to look at you again. Do you want that to happen? LIE!

"I wanted... I wanted to live like... I wanted to---" She choked back tears and refused to look at him. She couldn't. "I wanted to see what it... what it was like to live by my animal side..." She repeated, like a broken record. She couldn't keep lying, not when her nerves were so shot, not to her best friend. But he couldn't know the truth, he'd abandon her! She didn't think she'd be able to handle that.

[Ryan Norris]

Jenna sat up and recoiled from him, and he watched her, confused and concerned. She was acting quite oddly.... and she really needed to not be moving so much. "I... I told you, I wanted to...to see what it was like to... to... what it was like to live by my animal side and..." she answered shakily. She'd already said that... his concern grew deeper and it showed on his face. He understood that she'd wanted to do that... but why no goodbyes? He'd thought it had been an afterthought, as well, something she'd decided after she'd left.

She winced and started trembling, then clutched her hands in her lap and closed her eyes tightly. "I wanted... I wanted to live like... I wanted to---" she started, "I wanted to see what it... what it was like to live by my animal side..."

He could see her falling apart, and as much as he wanted to know what was going on with her, he needed to calm her down first, or else she was going to do more damage to her body (though he didn't know about any of the intentional harm). "Jenna, Jenna, shh..." he reached an arm out to steady her gently, hoping the slight pressure on her shoulder would reassure her. "It's alright... come here," he moved closer and drew her gently into his lap, holding her loosely, just keeping his arms around her in a faint hug to keep her securely on. "Jenna, everything's okay." He hesitated a moment, for this wasn't his area of expertise (his patients rarely talked). "Do... do you want to tell me what's wrong?" he asked, doing his best to keep his voice soft and make it clear that it was her choice. She was so freaked out already, he needed her to be reassured more than anything, but he also needed to know what was wrong if he was going to help her.

[Jenna Moore]

"Jenna, Jenna, shh... It's alright... come here," She let him draw her to him. God, she loved him; he was so sweet to her. She curled up into him, desperately needing the comfort. What was wrong with her? "Jenna, everything's okay." She sighed, wishing he was right. But he wasn't, everything was wrong. Everything had always been wrong for her, always. Except for those two blissful years in between her leaving the asylum and her run-in with Zetos. Those years, everything had been right. I guess I'm just not meant to live a good life, she mused miserably.

"Do... do you want to tell me what's wrong?" "Yes," She answered automatically. Dammit, her heart had beat her mind at answering his question. Her heart needed to spill it, to let him know everything (except her cutting), and her head said to shut up and get out of this before either of them got hurt. But since she had already answered with an honest 'yes', she let her heart win this battle.

"Ryan..." She began, keeping her head bowed. She couldn't bear to look at him, it hurt too much. Everything hurt, deep inside her. "Everything hurts, Ryan, inside. All my emotions... everything's wrong...." She murmured miserably. Tentatively, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close to her. She needed her best friend. "I left because... I got homesick. And... Home isn't here," She gestured around her apartment, finally daring to look at him, "Home is in the slums, where I was born and raised..." She sighed, finding it very difficult to recall what happened without crying or slipping her secret.

"Ryan... something happened there, when I visited my old home. I don't know what happened exactly, but I just... I missed Mommy so much--" She broke off because her voice was trembling dangerously, and because Ryan had suddenly become blurry. She wiped away her tears and took a shaky breath, trying so hard to continue without completely falling apart. "I miss her so much, even now... But I needed to get away, to hide from my past, to get away..." Tears were falling from her eyes and her voice shook slightly, but she couldn't stop now. If she stopped now, she'd never be able to open up again, and Ryan didn't deserve that, not after all he had done for her.

"So I ran. I escaped to the forest, where I could live like an animal and forget everything, forget everyone, forget..." She closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to see his reaction, then whispered, "Forget you, and how much you mean to me...."

[Ryan Norris]

Ryan held Jenna, doing his best to silently comfort her as best he could while she explained, because he did not want to interrupt lest she stop once he did. The poor thing... she could hardly keep herself from crying, and she'd been through so much...

"So I ran. I escaped to the forest, where I could live like an animal and forget everything, forget everyone, forget..." she closed her eyes and then whispered, "Forget you, and how much you mean to me...."

Ryan's eyes widened. He'd wondered if Jenna had liked him, but... Well, this was unexpected. Unexpected, but wonderful. She felt the same way about him! He was, for once, aware of someone else's emotions enough to be aware that she'd had to be really brave to tell him that, and was quick to reassure her. His poor little bunny, looking so shaken and shy as well as upset.

"Oh, Jenna," he was smiling, and it showed in his voice, "It's okay... I.. I like you, too." He realized that that was rather lame, though it was much to early to speak of 'love'. "A lot," he added, to reassure her.