It's funny. I try and find peace within myself, and yet, doing it alone in my room isn't enough. Surrounding myself with friends and family isn't enough to come to terms with the world. So, I thought taking a trip to where my memories are the most vibrant would fix things. Remembering her face, remembering her smile, remembering the warmth of her body and remembering the sheer joy we brought each other. I thought all of that would bring me to peace, allowing me to soak in all of the good that came out of my relationship and to just finally come to peace.
I guess I can say I found peace... but I highly doubt an intense rage replacing my sorrow to be called peace. She betrayed me... plain and simple. I gave her my heart, my soul, I gave her my fucking love, and then she takes it away from me. She betrayed my trust, my love, and my very being. And now I'm beginning to hate her. The thing is I don't want to hate her. She doesn't deserve that, but there's no other emotion to replace my sorrow. I fucking gave her everything, and she betrays me. I suppose a normal person would hate someone who does that, so, I guess I'm feeling normal. I don't know. All I know is that I'm tired of being lied to, of being in pain. I just want to find peace. Peace within myself, and everyone around me.
In the end, I think I'm just tired. I just want to rest without worry. If you read this, thank you. You needn't respond, your words will not help. I just needed to vent.