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 A Deceptive Memory, My new story ^__^
Getsuga_10shou
Posted: Apr 13 2010, 07:21 AM


Three Green Petals
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Group: Readers
Posts: 125
Member No.: 60
Joined: 9-April 10



Hey all!!

This is the first chapter/prolouge of my story biggrin.gif It's going to be a romance comedy with some mystery and possibly suspense tongue.gif

I used Japanese names for my characters and the setting is in Japan as well smile.gif This is all from the influence of manga, teehee tongue.gif

Feel free to make any suggestions or comments biggrin.gif

I hope you guys enjoy the first chappie cool.gif

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Chapter 1

April – the month where the cherry blossoms begin to bloom beautifully here in Tokyo. The vivid pink colour from the petals of each flourishing flower stands out conspicuously against the aqua blue sky.

I, Yamamoto Misaki, am starting my first year of high school today. Although it is considered a new beginning, I don’t think I have really changed much since middle school apart from the constant growth of my hair, but other than that, I’m still the usual, quiet and shy.

I gazed at myself in the mirror as I carefully adjusted the collar of my newly purchased uniform. I wore a white long sleeved shirt which had the top two buttons undone. According to my older brother, Yamamoto Keiji, it is uncommon for one to have all their buttons done up. I, myself, am not sure about that though. Anyways, on top of my shirt, I am wearing a cream coloured woollen vest, which on the top right section had the white letter ‘K’ sewn on in a fashionable font. The ‘K’ is the logo for the school I will be attending, Kamoto High School. This matches my beige chequered skirt which is above knee height.

I sternly stared into the small bathroom mirror, as I examined my every feature, hoping there was nothing that would cause a huge commotion on my very first day of high school. My smooth chocolate brown hair was almost the length of half my body as it lay flatly against my back. I tucked it nicely behind my ears but there were only a few strands of my fringe which swayed in front of my right eye, however, they weren’t a major problem. The sun rays which reflected from the mirror caused my moist pink lips to glisten. My skin was lightly tanned, which matched my hazel coloured eyes.

“Stop admiring yourself in the mirror. It’s time to go to school.” A deep voice came from the doorway, with a soft snicker afterwards.

I chuckled softly, “Well, I have to look my best if I am to be known as the school prince’s little sister.” I knew perfectly well that my brother loathed being called ‘the school prince’, but knowing that he will definitely forgive me, I always make a joke out of it.

He puffed up his cheeks as if that of a child, “But I don’t want other guys looking at you.” He muttered.

I jokingly stuck my tongue out at him, “I can’t help it that I’m awesomely pretty.”

My brother, Yamamoto Keiji, is in his 3rd year of high school and will be taking his college entrance exams at the end of the year. He is my one and only family member left, after our parents abandoned us. I am not even sure where they had gone. I’m sure Keiji knows the truth, but he refuses to tell me. Every time I unsubtly ask about our parents, his expression always becomes serious, “I’m not telling you anything for your own good. I don’t want to lose you – my one and only little sister. Please don’t make this hard on me”. I can never endure seeing the bright smile lost from my brother’s face. So I always stop asking any further.

Unlike my hair, Keiji has short light brown hair, where he uses a bit of gel to spike it up. He too, has hazel eyes, but for some unknown reason, his colour sparkles against light, unlike mine. Keiji is eccentrically tall, being 189cm. But however bizarre he may seem, he is still the brother I love so much.

“The time is ticking. We are going to be late if you do not hurry.” He warned whilst pointing his index finger at his silver watch on his left wrist.

Taking one last glance in the mirror, I grasped onto my cream coloured school bag which hung by the bathroom door. It was just a simple looking school bag. The bag took the shape of a rectangle, whilst having thin white stripes running vertically through the bag. The beige straps were short, as it was only supposed to go over one shoulder.

With a dazzling smile across my lips, I headed towards where my brother was standing, “I’m ready to go.” I said gleefully.

In return, he smiled and pinched my cheeks softly, “About time.” He responded as he rotated himself 180 degrees towards the main doorway of the house.

During the walk to school, I noticed that there were many other people who wore the same uniform as us. They were all chatting and laughing so casually, something that I had never done before. Whenever I was with my friends during middle school, they seemed to give me a tense atmosphere, so I never talked much. Therefore it was appropriate to say that I never had any friends during my period at middle school.

Something that I had noticed ever since middle school is my ‘personality change’ from when I am at school to when I am at home. At school, I tend to have a rather introvert personality, but when I am at home with Keiji, I become outgoing and more talkative than usual. I’m not sure why, but from what I think, maybe I am just more comfortable with the presence of my brother than anyone else.

But I would have never thought that it would cause a dramatic change to my life…

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I hope you guys enjoyed it biggrin.gif

Feel free to make comments smile.gif cool.gif


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lonelyduchess
Posted: Apr 13 2010, 07:33 AM


One Silver Petal
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Posts: 1,436
Member No.: 9
Joined: 3-April 10



Hey, this is good. There were typo errors but they aren't that noticeable. And I noticed that you always mention Keiji.


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lonelyduchess
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Getsuga_10shou
Posted: Apr 13 2010, 11:20 AM


Three Green Petals
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Group: Readers
Posts: 125
Member No.: 60
Joined: 9-April 10



Thank you biggrin.gif Oops.... I re-read the chapter through several times to ensure that there weren't any typo errors... but I guess that didn't help dry.gif


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lonelyduchess
Posted: Apr 13 2010, 03:03 PM


One Silver Petal
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Then let me help you :

Anyways, on top of my shirt, I am wearing a cream coloured woollen vest, which on the top right section had the white letter ‘K’ sewn on in a fashionable font.

Anyways, on top of my shirt; I am wearing a cream coloured woollen vest, which on the top right section had the white letter ‘K’ sewn on in a fashionable font.

My brother, Yamamoto Keiji, is in his 3rd year of high school and will be taking his college entrance exams at the end of the year. He is my one and only family member left, after our parents abandoned us. I am not even sure where they had gone. I’m sure Keiji knows the truth, but he refuses to tell me. Every time I unsubtly ask about our parents, his expression always becomes serious, “I’m not telling you anything for your own good. I don’t want to lose you – my one and only little sister. Please don’t make this hard on me”. I can never endure seeing the bright smile lost from my brother’s face. So I always stop asking any further. (This paragraph sounded really weird for me ^^; )

“I’m not telling you anything for your own good. I don’t want to lose you – my one and only little sister. Please don’t make this hard on me”

“I’m not telling you anything for your own good. I don’t want to lose you – my one and only little sister, please don’t make this hard on me.”

There you go, but truth to be told your writing style is awesome. I love how you describe Keiji in the beginning.


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lonelyduchess
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Getsuga_10shou
Posted: Apr 14 2010, 03:42 AM


Three Green Petals
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Group: Readers
Posts: 125
Member No.: 60
Joined: 9-April 10



Oh I see, I see biggrin.gif Thanks for correcting me biggrin.gif


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LAT
Posted: Apr 27 2010, 09:08 AM


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I like it!! biggrin.gif Next chappie please!!!! XD


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summer
Posted: Nov 1 2010, 11:17 PM


White Rose
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Group: Readers
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Joined: 1-November 10



It's really good! I like the introduction (though it could be a little longer).
You write very visually.
I want to keep on reading...next chapter please smile.gif
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