Jasper Hale, I've seen Dixie's dark side

``Jasper Nathaniel Whitlock Hale
is a knight of the round table!


Confederate empath, soldier since 1861,happily married to Mary Alice Brandon Whitlock Hale Cullen, vegetarian vampire

it could be carried by an african swallow
oh yeah, an african swallow, maybe

``threemusketeers;who are you who can summon fire without flint or tinder
``bestfriend ;i seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at camelot
``closefriends;i didn't know we had a king. i thought we were an autonomous collective
``regularfriends;i told you, we're an anarco-sydicalist commune
``partnerincrime;look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! its a killer!
``childhoodfriend;you don't frighten us with your silly knees-bent running around advancing behavior
``drinkingbuddy;it's not a question of where he grips it! it's a simple question of weight ratios!
``onandoff;oh shut up and go and change your armour
``enemiesturnedfriends;would it help to confuse it if we run away?
``fakefriends;i'm french. why do you think i have this outrageous accent, you silly king?
``aquaintance;are you suggesting that coconuts migrate
``friendofafriend;there are some who call me... tim
``firstnamebasis;i didn't know you were called Dennis
``justmet;right! silly little bleeder. one rabbit stew comin' right up!


this is supposed to be a happy occasion
let's not bicker and argue over who killed who
``indifference;on second thought, let's not go to camelot. it is a silly place
``friendsturnedenemies;i don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper
``tolerance; have no quarrel with you, good sir knight. but i must cross this bridge
``mutualdislike;hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences
``onesideddislike;you're foolin' yourself! we're living in a dictatorship. a self-perpetuating autocracy
``intimidated;oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say ni at will to old ladies
``cheatedonme/you;that's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
``scaredofyou;i fart in your general direction. your mother was a hamster and you father smelt of elderberries
``scaredofme;i am your king. 'well... i didn't vote for you'. you don't vote for kings...
``backstabbedme;you don't frighten us, english pig dogs. go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person
``backstabbedyou;i blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King". you and all your silly English K-nig-hts
``rivals;oh, king eh? and how'd you get that, eh? by exploiting the workers?
``hardcorehate;come and see the violence inherent in the system. help! help! i'm being repressed!
``gotohell;of course not! you're english types!


yes, yes... you must give us all a good spanking
and after the spanking, the oral sex!
``final;you've come to rescue me! i knew someone would!
``future;i knew that somewhere out there, there must be someone
``current;death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth
``crushonme;she's beautiful, she's intelligent, she's got huge... tracts of land
``crushonyou;he's come to rescue me, father! 'well... let's not jump to conclusions'
``fling;ours was committed, it wasn't just a string of pussy jokes
``attraction;she has been setting a light to our beacon, which, i have just remembered, is grail shaped.
``friends/enemieswithbenefits;oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil zoot! oh she is a bad person, and she must pay the penalty!.
``lust;oh, fair one, behold, i am your humble servant sir lancelot.
``flirt;supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony
``onandoff;you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you
``past-badterms;well, the thing is, i thought your son was a lady
``past-goodterms;did you dress her up like this?
``past-stillsomethingthere;there are ways of telling whether she is a witch


yes, brave sir robin turned about,
and valiantly, he chickened out!
``family;... and that, my liege is how we know the earth to be banana shaped
``practically family;sir bedevere, explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes
``respect;cut down a tree with a herring? it can't be done!
``admiration;wouldn't get very far in life not saying 'is'
``emotionalsupport ;yes, shrubberies are my trade. i am a shrubber
``secret;we are now the knights who say... ”ekki-ekki-ekki-ekki-PTANG. zoom-boing. z'nourrwringmm.
``teacher/student ;dennis! there's some lovely filth down here!
``classmate ;oh, it's just a harmless little /bunny/ isn't it?
``housemate;look, if he was dying, he wouldn't have bothered to carve 'aaaauuuggghhh'
``mixedfeelings;he'd just say it. 'maybe he was dictating it'
``protectiveoveryou;well, we'll not risk another frontal assault. that rabbit's dynamite.
``protectiveoverme;sir robin the not-quite-so-brave-as-sir-lancelot.
``stalker;and now on to scene 24. a smashing scene with some lovely acting
``other-specify;and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn


it's my duty as a knight
to sample as much peril as i can.
this freckin awesome plotpage was made by tace of CAUTION2.0. it has quotes from the wonderful and fantabulous movie 'monty python and the holy grail'. colors are from the blender of colors that everyone and their mom uses. don't be stealing... unless you aren't the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp. or to have your eyes gouged out and your elbows broken. give me credit or you'll have your kneecaps split and your body burned away and your limbs all hacked and mangled.

what makes you think yourcharrie'sfullname is a ill add?
Three.matching.icons (125x125)
"well, i'm a veggie vamp/human/shifter/vamp
and i have -agespelled out- empty halves of a coconut
and i'm banging them together!"

-relations-

mycharriessays -'blahblahblah'
yourcharriesays -'bleebleeblee'

Plot ideas: post them here or PM me.

look, you stupid bastard!
you've got no arms left!

what makes you think Carlisle Cullen is a spectacular father?

"well, i'm a veggie vamp
and i have three hundred and sixty four empty halves of a coconut
and i'm banging them together!"

``closefriends;i didn't know we had a king. i thought we were an autonomous collective
``drinkingbuddy;it's not a question of where he grips it! it's a simple question of weight ratios!
``firstnamebasis;i didn't know you were called Dennis
``family;... and that, my liege is how we know the earth to be banana shaped
``respect;cut down a tree with a herring? it can't be done!
``admiration;wouldn't get very far in life not saying 'is'
``emotionalsupport ;yes, shrubberies are my trade. i am a shrubber
``protectiveoveryou;well, we'll not risk another frontal assault. that rabbit's dynamite.
``protectiveoverme;sir robin the not-quite-so-brave-as-sir-lancelot.
``father;and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn

Carlislesays -'Jasper, when you first arrived on my doorstep so many years ago, I'll admit, you caught all of us off guard. We danced circles around eachother for what must have been decades as you fought against the demons from your past, and I struggled to build you and Alice a world filled with compassion and understanding.We haven't always seen eye to eye over the years, but through mutual respect and determination, I think we've both learned that we can benefit from eachother's experiences. You're my son, but more than that, you're my respected friend and ally. I trust you implicitly and rely on you to be my counterbalance when I need one. I hope you will one day understand that there is no mistake you could make that will ever make me see you as anything less than family.'
Jasper says -'Carlisle, I'm not even sure where to begin. I didn't trust you at first; I didn't trust anyone but Alice. I was too busy adjusting to the vegetarian lifestyle and trying my hardest not to point out that all of you were crazy. After a few decades, things began to change. You had waited long enough and your patience had been rewarded as you finally slipped under my radar. You became a friend and father. You were the one pulling me gently down to earth when my theories or ideas about threats got to be too far-fetched. You didn't work as much as some of the others to pull me out of my shell; I appreciate that you've always given me my space. You've seen me through so many slip-ups, seen more of my darker nature than I wanted to show, and never faulted me for it. We don't always see eye-to-eye, but you managed to settle me down after a few decades of my displaced-alpha-male behavior. Thank you for giving Alice the home she so wanted and me the life I didn't know I needed. I'm proud to be a part of your family and call you Dad.'

what makes you think Aurora Engle is a a somewhat bizarre, tremendously lucky human?

"well, i'm a human
and i have -twenty eight- empty halves of a coconut
and i'm banging them together!"

``regularfriends;i told you, we're an anarco-sydicalist commune
``firstnamebasis;i didn't know you were called Dennis
``intimidated;oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say ni at will to old ladies
``respect;cut down a tree with a herring? it can't be done!
``admiration;wouldn't get very far in life not saying 'is'
``protectiveoverme;sir robin the not-quite-so-brave-as-sir-lancelot.
``forever in your debt;and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn

Ari says -'What do you say to the man responsible for saving your life? I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you - I know you'll never accept my thanks or admit that you acted heroically in the face of temptation, but that doesn't change the fact that it's true. There are a million reasons why we shouldn't be friends; I think it's pretty forbidden for humans and vampires to be close...predator and prey, and all that. But, nonetheless, I'm proud to count you among one of the closest people to my heart, and I hope that one day, we can get to know eachother a little bit better. And you and your lovely wife, Alice, are always more than welcome in my home at any time!'
Jasper says -'Ari. I genuinely don't know what to say, what to think. That night, the car accident. I still don't know what happened, why I didn't kill you. Not that I regret that decision at all I just - I'm still amazed you're alive at all; not just because I'm a vampire but because of all I've been through. You don't know my story, but believe me when I say how lucky you are not to have died at my hand. I'm honored that you place such tremendous trust and faith in me when I could so easily make another mistake and take your life away. You don't deserve half the hell you've been through, even by what little I know of it. I'd like to get to know you better and I greatly appreciate your hospitality towards my wife. You're not half bad, for a human. '

what makes you think Mary Alice Brandon Cullen Whitlock is mine?

"well, i'm a veggie vamp
and i have -aone hundred and nine- empty halves of a coconut
and i'm banging them together!"

``bestfriend ;i seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at camelot
``partnerincrime;look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! its a killer!
``final;you've come to rescue me! i knew someone would!
``future;i knew that somewhere out there, there must be someone
``current;death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth
``attraction;she has been setting a light to our beacon, which, i have just remembered, is grail shaped.
``family;... and that, my liege is how we know the earth to be banana shaped
``respect;cut down a tree with a herring? it can't be done!
``admiration;wouldn't get very far in life not saying 'is'
``emotionalsupport ;yes, shrubberies are my trade. i am a shrubber
``secret;we are now the knights who say... ”ekki-ekki-ekki-ekki-PTANG. zoom-boing. z'nourrwringmm.
``teacher/student ;dennis! there's some lovely filth down here!
``classmate ;oh, it's just a harmless little /bunny/ isn't it?
``housemate;look, if he was dying, he wouldn't have bothered to carve 'aaaauuuggghhh'
``protectiveoveryou;well, we'll not risk another frontal assault. that rabbit's dynamite.
``protectiveoverme;sir robin the not-quite-so-brave-as-sir-lancelot.


Alice says -'I dreamed of you long before we met, you know. When I first saw you, I was frightened, but after many months of visions of you dancing through my head, I finally began to understand. You were that piece of me that I'd been searching for all along. Every moment in my life that I'd felt terrified or alone, you were meant to be my strength and my partner. The time that we spent traveling together, first becoming acquaintences, then friends, then lovers, were some of the most challenging and rewarding years of my life. I will happily stand beside you through whatever moments of tears or triumph life sends our way. I love you, I cherish you, I respect you, and I admire you in every conceivable way. I am ever yours, and happy to be so.'
Jasper says -'I wish I could say it was love at first sight. The fact that you know and, even more amazing, understand why it wasn't only makes you more amazing in my eyes. Mi hada, mi amante, mi dulce carina, mi parte vital, te quiero, te adoro. You came into my life with no warning and brought light to my world, bright and blinding as the Texas sun. Ever since I gave you my hand, I've walked in the light you brought me. I am ever, always, completely yours and honored that you desire me just as much. My wife, my sun, my mate, my life, I would go anywhere with you.'

what makes you think Rosalie Lillian Hale is a ill add?
..
"well, i'm a veggie vamp
and i have -ninety-five- empty halves of a coconut
and i'm banging them together!"

``closefriends;i didn't know we had a king. i thought we were an autonomous collective
``onandoff;oh shut up and go and change your armour
``firstnamebasis;i didn't know you were called Dennis
``indifference;on second thought, let's not go to camelot. it is a silly place
``tolerance; have no quarrel with you, good sir knight. but i must cross this bridge
``rivals;oh, king eh? and how'd you get that, eh? by exploiting the workers?
``family;... and that, my liege is how we know the earth to be banana shaped
``respect;cut down a tree with a herring? it can't be done!
``emotionalsupport ;yes, shrubberies are my trade. i am a shrubber
``secret;we are now the knights who say... ”ekki-ekki-ekki-ekki-PTANG. zoom-boing. z'nourrwringmm.
``teacher/student ;dennis! there's some lovely filth down here!
``mixedfeelings;he'd just say it. 'maybe he was dictating it'
``protectiveoveryou;well, we'll not risk another frontal assault. that rabbit's dynamite.
``protectiveoverme;sir robin the not-quite-so-brave-as-sir-lancelot.



Rosalie Halesays -'Oh, my twin Jasper, wherever do I begin? When Alice and you arrived those years ago, I did not know what to think. Suddenly I was forced to have a twin brother. I did not mind horribly, I suppose. Then, the first time you tried to calm me down with that power of yours I waned to rip out your throat. I think it took us a long time to get along because of you being able to know what I was feeling. Sooner or later we have managed to form a bond that only the two of us understand. We do not judge each other and we almost always know how the other will react. It has been beneficial and... you will have no need to repeat, nice to have you around, especially when I can't talk to anyone. We are survivors, and I am glad you are my twin. '
yourcharriesays -'bleebleeblee'

Plot ideas: post them here or PM me.