Altdorf Beerfest - The First Quaff

[Faolan Doyle]

Greetings Fellows and Welcome To Altdorf.

This brief guide is to present newcomers to the spired city with a taster of just a few of the experiences awaiting the both the bold and the bashful!

Firstly for those who have never experienced the joys of a metropopo- meterea....large city let me reasure you that the unpleasant rumours you may have heard about cutpurses hiding within every crowd and alleybashers which await the unwary from the shadows are largely unfounded. I Altdorf the word stranger means "a friend awaiting to be made". You can bet those eyes that you feel watching your every move as you walk into the warmth and embrace of a local coaching inn watch you with the care of a good natured sibling.

As you enter Altdorf midway through spring and the begining of the Grand Altodorf BeerFest or First Quaff as it's known within our big-of-beard-short-of-leg community. All cultures, classes, creeds, colours and coins are accepted and ale of diverse varieties are available to all but the most destitute. Infact Elector Count Karl Franz the Just (Just What?) has decreed that during the Quaff no tax be placed upon any ale. (Although there is a belt tax instead and anyone with more than 35 inches stout will be taxed 20 crowns for drain on the cities ... drains?

Nevertheless this major festival is not to be missed and most start the beer run at the now legendary Bucking Cock Inn 20 minutes walk from the Main West Gate. (That's the one you came in through Goblin Brains) It is large and friendly and offers a variety of beverages. Ludo, the innkeep, if fluent in many dialects and visitors to this, the Empires most brilliant diamond, will find his advice illuminating.

So Sup away and enjoy the First Quaff..... It's going to be a wonderfull spring.

Herr Kreosoat; primus of tourism and advisor to Karl Franz


(originally posted by Sick Freddy)

[Faolan Doyle]

Hopefully all involved, or hoping to be involved with the up and comming Warhammer game on Saturday nights will have or at least be reading the Guide to Altdorf's Beer Fest.

Just to elaborate several guilds have endorsed some sevices going on that visitors may be unaware of and posibly interested in...

Lozario's Amazing Market of Delights will be setting up in on the Theaterplatz and will provide an entertainment of comedies and tradgedies, of beasts and bizaars, and performs acts of acrobatic ingenuity for the entertainment of all. Yes the fat, bearded rubberskinned Estolian chick will be there too... and the bretonian girl in the leather with the nails.

Despite areas in Altdorf considered to be dens of vice the visitor who enters this Marbled edifice will find that many of the delights offered by The Countess and her girls not as forthcoming as rumour suggest. She reminds visitors that the hospitality of Altdorf is endless, the hospitality of her girls is not.

I'm not sure is the spate of disappearances has anything to do with this.

Also visitors of a more martial disposition may find suitable entertainment in the city arena commonly known as the Pit. Appearing this week is Bruno the Bonehammer who will tempt anyone to last 3 minutes in the pit with him for a purse of 50 crowns !!

Thank you for your considerations

Waldemar Kroot; spokesman for the Trade Guilds of Altdorf.

Originally posted by Sick Freddy
04/04/06

[Faolan Doyle]

To All Visitors to Altdorf; the Pearl of the Empire

Many newcomers to Altodorf will find themselves over whelmed by the array of experiences which will undoubtably avail themselves upon their person. Wilst many will be pleasant endeavours others may be less and enjoyable. As in all law abiding towns the forces for law and good are forever vigilant in their battle against the forces of chaos, it may be harder to spot for the visitor uneducated in the ways of our city. Take heed, good visitor, even the most innocent of passtimes can swing the gate of peace wide for the forces of Chaos.

Do not encourage such behaviour...
Have no truck with organisations that may lead our city into disarray...
Here are a few to whose which aquaintance would lead to certain imcarceration..

The Halfling Militant Organisation (You will eat All the Pies!)
The Dwarvish campaign for equal heights (Abbolish Shanks Tax)
The Society for Concentual Glutony (Abandon Belt Tax)
The Indipendant Folk Dancing Militant Army (deadly with sticks an bells)
The Weeping Willow (Elves against Human Encroachment)
The Quick (Underground Vampire Servants always on the hunt for a new cellar)

Walls have ears....
The Witchfinders take Eyes...
Originally posted by Sick Freddy
12/04/06

[Faolan Doyle]

Well, I have to admit I had one hell of a time at Lozario's party, and I didn't even disappear forever! Can't be bad. Pity the night wound up with having to doss in a smithy with a bunch of seriously smelly feet and snoring dwarves, but hey, I can see why the hotels are full with a bash like this beerfest on. Party on, Altdorf! (And by the way, if anyone knows a lovely lady of aristocratic persuasion and romany features who happens to be missing a diamond earring, I'm willing to give five gold crowns for the tipoff. Ask for Cosmo the elf at the Bucking Cock. No jealous husbands need apply.)
Robin Despard (who isn't Cosmo. Honest)


Originally posted 16/04/06

[Faolan Doyle]

The Altdorf Times
The Truth Shall Make Yee Frett
Morning Edition.

City Watch Presurised for Results as Body Count for "The Reik Ripper" Rises

The City Watch of Altdorf hs come under critisism from authorities for failing to come up with any leads reguarding the reign of terror currently threatening ladies of negotiable affection within the docklands an plaza areas of Altdorf. Despite secrtity measures enforced by both the watch and the Ladies Safehouse the bodycount has risen to thirteen in the passed to months. The Ripper has in each taken artifacts from each body and while the Watch are being guarded about the nature of the artifacts they inform us that the items taken are not simply rare but unique.

This it seems should not make them hard to trace. The reward by the watch of 500 crowns has been doubled by the Ladies Guild to a stunning 1000 gold pieces. The writers of the Altdorf press encourage anyone with information contact either the watch or the Ladies Guild at the Doxy (Just of the Lagerplatz) or if the contactee is unable to do this bring any information to The Times HQ at 142 Fleetstrauss.

LATEST HEADLINES

Countess Angellica Vatislav has been found murdered. Items have been removed from her person including one unique diamond earing. The Countess was last seen in the company of a male elf, however owing to the nature of the encounter it was unlikely that anyone present would have known his real name.

The witness describes the elf being dark (possibly Black haired), slim, naked and with big pointy ears.

As it is feasible that the killer was an opportunist in Altdorf for the beerfest all exits from the city have been closed to those not showing a vallid pass from the merchants guild staped by the Watch.

Count Antonio Vatislave has offered 1000 crowns for info leading to the capture of her killer.

Originally posted by Sick Freddy
18/04/06

[Faolan Doyle]

My mother told me there'd be days like these....
Robin not the blackhaired naked elf


Originally posted
18/04/06

[Faolan Doyle]

Good party, pity about the whole murder thing. Told you clip your ears and shave your head, its the best way.

Ivana(didnt get wasted and framed for murder) Knoppdorf


Orignally posted by Ivana
20/04/06

[Faolan Doyle]

Thank you so much, flower, for your kind words. What's the point of going to a party and not getting wasted, eh? How was I supposed to know someone was gonna kill her? Oh, Ranald...
Robin


Originally posted 21/04/06

[Faolan Doyle]

Altdorf By Night

A traveller’s guide to enjoying the Jewel of the Empires’
Multicultural Nocturnal Entertainment

Greetings visitor to our Cultural, Political, Religious and Economic capital. After taking in the wild and heady experience of Altdorfs many markets, cafes, taverns and street entertainment you may be thinking of either relaxing at an intimate Estolian or Bretionian wine venue or perhaps seeking the more exotic pleasures of our opera, theatres, sports emporiums and the more relaxing pastimes found in our world famous “Alley”.

The Blue Market runs from dusk till dawn in our marketplatz and caters to many of our wholesale shoppers; an absolute must for the visitor who burns the midnight oil.

The Lubeck Canal that runs through temple district is vibrant with lights from illuminated offerings by both the temples of Shylla and Myrrmidia and an evening walk around the temples of Sigmar and Morr as the priests go about their business is a must for the spiritually inclined.





The City Of Altdorf accepts no responsibility for damages sustained by the traveller at any time.
Suffered an Accident or injury and were not to blame; call on Shylla’s Virtues for an instant no win no fee claim. Policy accepts no guarantee of success. Policy charges base admin fee. All Claims subject to terms and conditions

Originally posted by Sick Freddy

23/04/06

[Faolan Doyle]

The Rough Guide to Altdorf
by Justin Heidelburger

You've probably seen a lot lately about the delights of the lovely city of Altdorf as a holiday destination - most of it originating from the Trade Guilds spokesman. As a recent visitor to this resort I thought it was time prospective visitors got a view of the real Altdorf.
First off, the ongoing Lagerfest is a barrel of laughs (if your idea of laughs is huge crowds of hairy oafs of indeterminate species and sex getting violently drunk and vomiting in public places). It has to be said, the beer is dirt cheap, but then it should be, because it's lousy. Seating is provided for that continental cafe atmos, but most of it has sick on from the previous night, so you take your chances. The urinals leave much to be desired, since there don't appear to be any. Decent food can be had, but the prices are outrageous and most of it is swill.
Shopping locally is an exciting experience; in fact, the closest I've come to it previously was one occasion when I was held up by Estolian brigands and robbed of my boots. You will have been warned to look out for the thieves in the back alleys and busy marketplaces, but nobody says anything about the legalised swindlers operating as commercial enterprises in Altdorf. Be sure before you hand over a bent pin in exchange for any item, you have a full receipt signed in front of witnesses. Better still, go buy your goods from another town.
Law enforcement in Altdorf is enthusiastic and the local legal code full of fascinating little gems of modern forensic thinking. For instance. it is an offence in Altdorf to be growled at by a dog belonging to the Watch; so carry a pocket of dog bikkies and you'll get by. When charged with any offence, your guilt is determined by whether you were within the city limits when it was committed and you are too poor to buy yourself off. So I recommend you offend like hell while there, because it won't make any difference to whether or not you get punished.
Places you might like to visit: the Bucking Cock is well known for the remarkably vile stench of its clientele, which almost masks the gutwrenching qualities of its food and ale. The tailor Jarndice and Jarndice is worth a visit to see the charming local custom of fleecing the unwary customer in ways not yet thought of beyond its walls - other cities may charge high prices to the tourist, but only in Altdorf can the shopkeeper take your money and give you nothing at all in return, not even shoddy goods. And seriously, I do recommend the Doxy and F***, and the Bathhouse in The Alley. The bathing establishment is a credit to the empire and a joy to visit; and for anyone who knows how to conduct himself in a gentlemanly fashion, the Doxy offers excellent food and other services, with a most entertaining cabaret. The lady who runs it may only be aristocratic by nickname (I don't know if the title is real), but she is a lady in every sense of the word, and worth meeting.
Enjoy your stay!
Justin H


Originally posted 23/04/06

[Faolan Doyle]

The Altdorf Times : Early Edition
The Truth Shall Make Thee Drett!!

Headlines: Sigmarites Site Reik Ripper As A Sign From Sigmar !

Militant Sigmarite Leaders have been claiming that the actions of the Reik Ripper as been blessed by Sigmar Himself. Several smaller shrines have engaged in prayer supporting the actions of the brutal killer. A masked sigmarite stated “These women are an offence against the order of Sigmar, the death is tragic but mourning there passing is blasphemy. The Ripper should not be reviled as a demon but we should exalt in his divinity.”

However officials of the Temple state that “under no circumstances does the Church of Sigmar defend any murder or militant action on a civilian level. The attacks on the ladies of the alley are deplorable and the culprit must be bought to justice.” Bishop Gunther Kroger states that the Watch will have the full support of the Temple of Sigmar. Officials from the other temples have given similar support.

Originally posted by Sick Freddy
30/04/06

[Faolan Doyle]

The Midnight Oil”

For The People…By the People

2 pennies.

Why is it that the murder of a working, tax paying street girl is seen as an “occupational hazard” worthy of only passing attention of Altdorfs Finest but the murder of a whoring, drunken socialite spending Vatislav monies, monies which have been acquired for the most part nefariously, gets full support from not only the Watch but also the temples?

Have the criminals become the acceptable norm of society and those to whom the law is still something to be obeyed and respected become outcasts, or just plain underclassed?

It is now something of an event when an infamous villain turns up in our streets, regardless of the suffering they may have caused or their flagrant abuse of given human rights. Why? Because they are rebels against a system but let us not forget that they are lawbreakers acting against lawbreakers. This is a sad state of affairs that a man can break his back day in and day out all his life, he supports his family, pays his taxes and votes (as much as one can these days) is seen as little more than a scapegoat for the criminal class; a class which in this day and age is the ruling class.

It breaks my heart to say this but I think the Jewel of the Empire has been not only stolen, but fenced and broken into saleable parts.

How long before the Skaven come to clean up the shit that’s left?

Papa Joss. Tradesman

Originally posted by Sick Freddy
04/05/06

[Faolan Doyle]

(Note slipped to the editor of the Midnight Oil)
Papa Joss is right. I can speak from personal experience, having come to Altdorf as an innocent, hardworking chap to try and earn an honest living in the famous Jewel city, only to be hunted and reviled for a crime I did not commit. I have been made the scapegoat; and it is worse because no scapegoat was required when the only victims were the unfortunate ladies of the night who, forced by circumstance into a life known for its danger and hardship, were offered no protection from state or church. I am a pacifist who has never offered violence to any woman, and i am accused of being a savage serial killer, while the real culprit sits in the halls of the great, offering rewards for my capture. And if I die (as they will make sure I do, for that will ensure I cannot protest my innocence or hire a judicial champion, laughable as it seems that I might afford one), so will more of the poor women who service the needs of Altdorf in the Alley. But their deaths will go once more unremarked, unpunished - after all, 'Sigmar blesses their killer'. And honest men will lie in bed and wait their turn to die on the altar of Altdorf's so-called 'justice'.
The alleged Ripper

Originally posted
04/05/06

[Faolan Doyle]

The tunnels is where the answer lies. I am not a feef.
Bossley Arris.


Originally posted by Hao Lo
05/05/06

[Faolan Doyle]

Arris, you're a nutter. Thank Ranald I've got Ivana, because if you're all that stands between me and the noose, I'm as good as hung.
Robin


Originally posted 06/05/07