Nurse Loki's in the house, I'm afraid, you're pregnant... sir.

[Loki]

Some days, he missed the good old times. Sure, he was having a blast, running his nightclub, observing the other gods annoyance by being what they had to be right now, tricking the humans into doing what he wanted, but in the last time, he had been entirely too tame and well-behaved for his own taste.
And he would be damned if living amongst the mortals would manage what even the other gods combined demands hadn't managed so far, making him behave like a grown up and responsible demigod.
Now what to do...
Cruising through town under a steady and seemingly unchanging curtain of light rain, the sky a blurry grey, he happened to notice a sign reading "St Thomas's Hospital".
The blond man grinned. That seemed to be a good place to start...

Half an hour later, a young blonde girl, dressed as a nurse, scrub and all, wearing large glasses and her hair done into a bun, hastened towards the staff entrance. Of course, Loki had no card to open the door, but a small gesture of his/her hand was enough to convince the door to open.
Arranging his/her rack invitingly in the too tight blouse and scub, he/she plastered a nervous little smile on his/her lips, approaching somebody who looked definitely like a doctor or somebody in charge.

"Oh... excuse me, sir, maybe you can help me?" he/she asked with a helpless little shrug.
"It's my first shift and I am so nervous... I have completely forgotten where to go? Chamberly Fitzgerald..."

Fluttering his/her lashes and presenting his/her assets to their best advantage - after all, Loki knew what men liked - Nurse Loki got sent to the lab, after assuring the man, that this was exactly what she had excelled in all the time in nurse school...

Being a little bubbly and overly helpful, always ready to do some unpleasant task, the overworked lab assistant did not mind their new colleague.
And so the chaos began.

Not that everything wasn't analyzed in time, but of course, it got analyzed with a trickster touch and delivered in time by a cute little blonde nurse with a definitely overemphasized... chest. But why complain about a good thing..?

[Selket]

Selket, walking through the quarters of the emergency room, was a little startled to notice that she felt a godly presence. But how could all these cases be analyzed unless she had done them herself? And one was analyzed especially wrong. She certainly couldn't tell that man over there in the waiting room that he was pregnant, even if he was a bit overweight!

"Loki," she whispered, wrinkling her nose. Yep. The diagnosis of "pregnant man" had trickster god written all over it! Rumor had it that Loki had even been pregnant himself once, though she couldn't quite remember what form he'd been in when he got that way. Despite herself, Selket wanted to giggle when she delivered the news to the poor guy that his form said he was pregnant. The expression on his face was so priceless she wished she had a camera! She promised herself she was going to laugh later. Working in an ER provided so few comedic opportunities!

For now, she had to find Loki. When she scanned the list of available nurses, her eyes locked on the name "Chamberly Fitzgerald."

Cham. It rhymed with sham. Bingo.

"Excuse me! Just what do you think you're doing?" she asked, storming into the room where the young nurse with the big chest was supposed to be. "You told an overweight man he was pregnant!" She covered her mouth to hide a snicker.
Selket held out her hand to give him a high five. "Pure brilliance."

[Loki]

Not that Loki hadn't felt something or rather, somebody in the hospital, but he had thought that whatever god or goddess would work here, would certainly have a highly prestigious job... surgery or something, a really gifted surgeon perhaps... but as a lowly, giggly, inexperienced nurse, he probably wouldn't encounter them.
All the better though, if they knew he was there and couldn't leave their highly prestigious spots to kick his/her well-shaped buttocks six ways to sunday for playing pranks on them.

For now he/she was happily identifying a tissue sample from a lung biopsy as a piece of marinaded beef entrecote - the old chum was living entirely too well - when the door busted open and the god he had sensed all the time stood behind him.
Knowing that he'd most likely had been cruising for a bruising with that - again! - he/she eeped and ducked, turning around in the faint hope to get a word or two out, before the expected beating would start.

"Excuse me! Just what do you think you're doing? You told an overweight man he was pregnant!"

Uh-oh! Selket.
Well, it certainly could have been worse, Loki realized. He could have run into one of the norse gods or another one of these high and mighty, once-powerful and famous no-nonsense ones... Ra or Zeus or someone like that.
He/she gave a nervous smile and a little shrug.

"Hey, he is near delivery... must be an elephant, the trunk's already out"!!"
he/she tried weakly to joke his way out of the situation, but gave a girlish squee, when she offered a high five.
Of course he/she answered it! Finally somebody appreciating his sense of humour!

"Hey, I was bored, what was I supposed to do?" he/she replied, grinning all over.
"But what on earth are *you* doing here? Don't tell me, you're a *real* nurse!"
He/she hopped onto the table, dangling his/her legs carelessly, eyes fixed expectantly on the fellow goddess.

[Selket]

"As a matter of fact, I am a real nurse. Say hello to Indira Patel, ER nurse, stings and bites ward. Of course, little do they know I cause most of the stings and bites I heal myself!" she said with a twinkle in her pretty dark eyes. "But enough of that. What have you been up to lately- I mean- since the last time I saw you? It's been awhile. Who've you run into? Me, no one, lately. Gods and goddesses don't need to come to hospitals, at least not very often. Though I did hear from Anubis a lifetime or so ago. Poor thing had caught tuberculosis, somehow. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy!"

[Loki]

Lokie had to giggle again. Honestly he had never heard something so... cool and ungod-like. Taking off the glasses and blinking to adjust his eyes, he/she snickered.

"Talking about keeping yourself in business, eh?"
he/she couldn't help but joked.
"Matter of fact, I am doing about the same, just without the bitey-stingey bit. Running a small nightclub in Soho... and trickstering people into paying loads of money for small glasses with horrid beverage. Nothing better than mead anyway, but the mortals have forgotten how to make a decent one, it seems.
But on the up side, I ran in Selene - or rather, she ran into my club, talk about coincidences. Poor gal needed a bit of a pick-me-up. I take it you heard what her wash-out husband did? Stupid idiot... ah well, can't be helped."
Hearing that Anubis - ANUBIS!! for crying out loud!- had been sick with a mortal illness made him/her open his/her eyes wider and shake his/her head.
"Tubbyculottis? What on earth is that?"
he/she asked in complete confusion.
"Sounds like something you can pick up if you can't keep it in your pants anyway..."

[Selket]

Selket had to admit he was right. It did sound like an STD, and she allowed herself a laugh. "No. Tuberculosis. It's an infection that people get in their lungs. It makes it very difficult to breathe. Sometimes they cough up their own blood, too, which I'll admit can be a little nasty. And I'm the one who's supposed to like creepy-crawlies!"

She smiled sympathetically when he mentioned Selene's husband. "Ah yes, the guy who chose to go to sleep forever. Idiot is right. I've never been married, or had a lover, but if I did, I'd never let them go. Poor Selene. But if I know you, it didn't turn out too badly in the end...for either of you," said Selket with a wink.

[Loki]

Listening intently to Selkets explanation, Lokis currently big round eyes grew wider and he wrinkled his/her small snub-nose.

"Sounds *really nasty!"
he/she admitted.
"But trust me, humans do things that makes the nastiests beasts look like butterflies and pink unicorns! Just ask one of the japanese gods in case you run into them. Two of their cities got *wiped out* with a fingersnap. True, gods tend to do that, too, but I think it's worrying if the mortals start that now as well!"
When she mentioned that she never had a lover, he/she cocked his/her head with a mock-pout and awwwed.
"You're missing out, my dear, you're really missing out!"
he warned her with a flirtatious grin. He couldn't help it, after all, he was a shameless charmer.
"And of course you know me... what else could a gentleman and self-respecting trickster do, when there's a horribly neglected moon goddess with a sleepy ass for a husband. I mean, technically he left her for good! I felt it was my duty to make upfor three thousand years of neglect and mental cruelty..."

[Selket]

"Three thousand years? Poor thing, no wonder she couldn't take it anymore. Well, if you'd like to show me what it's like to have a lover, I wouldn't mind either." Selket winked. "Or if you know a human man, let me know. Or even a woman. What do they call those ladies that do that all the time... lizardbrains?" She couldn't remember the proper term at the moment. "The things they do look very... interesting." Selket was a goddess who had a penchant for the unique. After all, who else would offer to be a god or goddess of scorpions? "Being me, I'll try anything once."

[Loki]

With this unmistakable suggestion, Lokis eyes opened even wider.
Whoaah, that must be his lucky day! Not only did he get to play practical pranks wihou angry retaliation from the other immortals, he had made an interesting - no, more than interesting acquaintance!!
And in his current form... and his shapeshifting abilities... ohh, the possibilities!
Of course, if he managed to get Selket angry, he was most likely in for something... but what was neverending life without a bit of a thrill?
Loki grinned lasciviously and for the split of a second the tiny, rosy tip of his/her tongue dashed out, licking his/her full, pouty upper lip.

"I can assure you, that you've asked the right trickster about this."
he/she whispered seductively.
"And you have *exactly* the right attitude, enjoy what life offers! Why not? And... "
Loki made a small pause, stretching sensuously and presenting his/her assets properly, before he she winked back at Selket.
"I wouldn't mind if we start right now!"

[Selket]

"Of course!" Selket purred. "But not here. It's too obvious. We might send some machines out of whack or something. I've got an idea. Why don't you see if you can work the computer? I was never any good with those things, you know. Nobody would ever bat an eye if an extra patient mysteriously showed up. Then we can lock the room. The nurses will likely just assume the "patient" is on the loo, as they say here, and voila! We have a nice private place. Then when we're done... if that ever happens... we take the patient out of the system and say they went home. I'll say I checked them myself, if you like. "

[Loki]

"Ohhh... sweet Selket... are you sure that you are the deity of the creepy-crawlies?"
Loki teased her good-naturedly.
"To me, as an expert, it sounds as if you were the queen of all tricksters! And yes, I can easily fool the machines that do the humans work, after all, they work for humans! Nothing but apprentice work, once I understood their small minds. Give me just a few minutes and don't run away, I' be riiiiight back with you!"

With a promising wink, Loki dashed, as quickly as his/her high heels allowed, towards the closest desktop with a connection to the hospitals intraweb, ampe bosom jiggling invitingly. He/she pretended to ook something up, despite of the fact that his/her manicured fingers never touched the keyboard...
Two minutes later he was done and returned to the ab in happy anticipation.
"Mischief managed, as these young wizard in the movie said!"
he announced excitedly.

[Selket]

"To me, as an expert, it sounds as if you were the queen of all tricksters!"

"You might say that," Selket agreed. "Not very many goddesses had shapeshifting powers, with the exceptions of me, Heget, Bastet and Taweret. And why would you rather look at a hippo or a frog than a lovely, shapely, pregnant woman with her curves in all the right places? I never really understood that. Just...ugh. I mean, yes, I am the scorpion goddess, but it's just... what if a frog or a hippo got a notion in their head to eat a scorpion? My venom might kill them, but in the end I would still be digested...eventually. That's why I was constantly going back and forth from scorpion to human. Anything to stay alive. I mean, after what Set did to Osiris..." She let her voice trail off. "I realized then that even the immortals die." It still got her a little misty-eyed to remember that. At least here she could change into different human forms so Heget and Taweret wouldn't find her. They were the only two deities she was truly frightened of. "And the thing is that Set was so darn happy about it. I wanted to sting him! At least it would have wiped the smirk off his face! It's been so long ago now, but I can't ever forget that." Selket sighed and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "Sorry. That's the one thing that happened that I just can't stand. I guess, in mortal terms, I still have a little PTSD. Anyway...I didn't mean to ruin your image of me. Let's go have some fun. What room are we- I mean, what room is that new patient in?"

[Loki]

"Yeah, most of these oh-so-high-and-mighty gods are veritable bastards..."
Loki agreed thoughtfully.
"And don't ever worry about your image in front of me. I suppose, we two could found a club: "Traumatized Deities Anonymous" or so. Remember what they did to me? To my children? I am trying not to think too much about it though... even for a god, the past is unchanging." Loki paused, biting his/her lips to will the sad memories away. After all, Selket was surely not keen to hear his sob story... and her words indicated that she was determined to have a good time now! That was *more* than allright with Loki, of course...

"I organized a nice little singles room for us: B 467!"
he/she explained breathlessly and with a naughty wink.
"Should be private enough for now."

And immediately another idea came up in his mischievous mind.
"Saaay..." he/she purred, stretching and presenting his/her unmistakable female body to its best advantage.
"Do you want me to... change or do you like my... outfit?"

[Selket]

"I'd like to try it both ways, eventually. But for now, this is fantastic," Selket admitted, running her tongue over her lips. "We must be especially careful, though. Or else Indira could get fired and Chamberly couldn't visit her anymore." Selket winked when she said this last part. "Then again... if that did happen by some horrible twist of fate, there are male orderlies. In fact, you probably have so many different forms we could do this as often as we liked," Selket whispered in his ear. "But enough talk. Although, as I said before, I'm not...experienced. I hope you don't mind much."

(OOC: we don't have to continue this much further since we didn't mark it, but she would probably like some reassurance about now.)

[Loki]

"Chamberly" giggled happpily.
"Awww, but a nurses job is hard - who could blame us for seeking a bit of relaxation with each other? At least if a male walks in on us, he'll fully understand, I am sure..."
When she mentioned Lokis different forms, he/she grinned.
"The hospital that could keep a trickster out needs to be invented yet..."
he/she promised Selket.
"And who needs experience? We have the eternity to learn... perks of being immortal, I'd say."
Truth be told, Lokie had probably enough experience for both of them, but he didn't deem it the appropriate thing to say so right now, especially to somebody who might give him any desired amount of pain at a moments notice. But that was certanly a part of the thrill and it was not long before the door closed behind the two "nurses" and the lock was shut..

(OOC: And here we should end this chapter of "Loki is a gardening tool")