Title: Lost... [Razz]
Emilia Mira Backstrom - April 23, 2012 06:39 AM (GMT)
Emilia could smell the fresh, steam cleaned carpets as she picked up the cardboard box from the floor, settling it on the table as she pulled it open as a celebration to officially being moved in. It had been three months since she found out she was pregnant and three months since they moved into a house, a house her father bought for Emilia, Razz, and the baby. Her baby bump was showing, and Emilia wasn't as terrified of the idea of being a mother; after a lot of talking to by Razz and plenty of coaching from her doctor, she was prepared. Dumping the contents of the box on the table and folding it up, Emilia leaned the folded cardboard box against the wall, pulling out the remainder of her clothing from the pile, leaving the rest on the table as she put them into the closet neatly. She couldn't believe it had been three months. Emilia walked back in the living room, noticing the picture frame on the table that was left behind. Razz and Emilia's first real date. She felt nostalgic looking at the pictures from the photo booth, and the photo the old man at the boardwalk took of them.
She could remember what he told them. That they looked like they really loved each other. Which Emilia thought was humorous, considering it was the first time they went out on a date, the park not included. Emilia smiled to herself as she put the frame right next to her alarm clock. She was getting use to the new house, it wasn't quite as home-like as the apartment was to her, but she would get use to it. The only reason she wasn't was because it didn't smell like Razz, and where ever Razz goes is home. She was use to being surrounded by the smell when she was home.
Emilia laid down on the bed, letting her head gently rest on the pillow as she tucked her legs onto the bed. They kept the same mattress from Razz's apartment, because it wasn't the same without it. Her hands resting on her stomach, Emilia looked up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath in. She got tired easily when she was pregnant, and everything seemed to tire her out. Razz was out getting some flowers to decorate the room, lilacs were her favorite and she had a horrible compulsive need to clean and decorate. Nesting is what they called it in the books. Emilia heard the car pulling up to the driveway, her eyes closing for a brief moment. She could hear Razz's footsteps getting closer, and she opened her eyes to see him standing in the doorway. " Hey you,
" She muttered, a smile spread across her face as she patted the bed for him to lay next to her. Emilia grinned as he bent over and kissed her," I unpacked the last box, we are officially moved in,
" Emilia announced happily.
OOC: Her Dress
Raziel Joshua Jefferson - April 23, 2012 08:13 AM (GMT)
Razz stood in the flower shop, picking out flowers for the new house. He didn't think he would have a house at his age, but as soon as Emilia's father was told that they were expecting, he went and bought them a house. It was a shock to Razz more than anyone, he was sure. Razz had just planned to upgrade the apartment to a two bedroom. Her father was ecstatic that they were having a baby. The man wanted grandchildren badly. Her mother kind of just avoided him and regarded him with a slight glare. That woman did not like him. The feeling was mutual, but he took a little more satisfaction in getting Emilia pregnant, even if it was on accident. He ended up killing whatever scheme she had planned to try to break them up. His parents were just a bit miffed that they weren't married, but already expecting a child, but they quickly got over it. His father just ended up giving him a slap on the back of the head before congratulating him on becoming a prospective parent. His mother cried. And hugged him and Emilia.
He ended up getting mostly lilacs since they were Emilia's favorite, but some other flowers as well that he thought would look nice around the house. Emmi was nesting. He could recognize the signs of pregnancy when he saw them. His mother almost had the entire house redone when she was pregnant with the twins. They ended up doing some furniture shopping when they got the house, Emilia picked out most of it. Good thing too; Razz would've been so confused as to what to get if he had to. They had a crib and a changing table so far in terms of baby stuff. He let Emilia pick those too. He was not afraid to admit that he had horrible taste in furniture.
Razz thanked the girl at the counter who wrapped the flowers before heading on home. He still had to get used to driving to the new house. The route to the apartment was just so programmed in his brain. He didn't get lost on the way this time, though. Which he considered a huge accomplishment, considering he was terribly lost the first time, He parked in the driveway and made his way inside with the flowers. He walked to the bedroom to see Emilia laying on the bed. Razz smiled as he leaned against the door way. "Hey yourself," he said, walking over and bending down to kiss her. He didn't exactly feel like laying down at the moment. Not being pregnant meant he wasn't tired enough to. "I got those flowers you wanted, along with some others." he told her with a bright smile.
Emilia Mira Backstrom - April 23, 2012 08:47 AM (GMT)
Emilia grinned as she kissed him again, before sitting herself up to give him a kiss more comfortably. She had to admit, it was a little harder to get around than it was before, but she was still very mobile. Her father was extremely proud, and her mother was deathly silent. Which probably meant that she was furious, but couldn't say anything because of how purely overjoyed her father was. Emilia was mainly surprised by Razz's parents reaction, his father seemed happy but at the same time wanted Razz to be more careful. His mother was excited and in tears, which made Emilia feel better since she was so sweet about it all. Emilia could feel the baby in her stomach, he hadn't moved in a little while, so he was probably sleeping. It was a boy. Emilia and Razz were having a baby boy, though they had not really chosen a name. They were throwing around ideas, but it was always either Razz knew someone with that name who was a jerk or Emilia had slept with a guy with that name, and they wanted it to be the perfect name. She didn't care how long she had to search, or if she had to wait until she saw the baby herself, Emilia wanted the name to fit him. Her baby boy.
" Thank you, sweetie," Emilia said softly, giving him another kiss before standing up from the bed, brushing down her dress. " I'm going to decorate some more, make the house seem a little more-" Emilia shrugged," -home like, we'll see." She said, before walking over to the living room to put the flowers in vases. She loved lilacs, they were always her weak spot as far as flowers go. Emilia walked to the kitchen, pulling out a vase from the cabinet before she felt a stab of pain that caused her pelvis to ache. The vase dropped out of her hand as she felt a rush of wetness on her underwear. Either she just peed her pants or... no.
Emilia checked what it was, whether her bladder gave out or something worse, the throbbing in her stomach not going away. She could feel the liquid dripping down her thigh to her calve, and she looked down to see what it was. Blood. She was bleeding, badly. Emilia wiped the blood off her leg with her hand frantically, clutching her stomach tightly, as she fell to her knees from the pain. Her stomach felt like it was being stabbed with a knife repeatedly, and she felt like vomiting. Looking up at Razz in horror, Emilia was deathly pale, her eyes wide as they filled up with a small amount of tears. Blood spilled on the linoleum. " My water broke," Emilia gasped softly," It's too soon, it's far too soon," Emilia's heart almost stopped, she was losing him.
Raziel Joshua Jefferson - April 24, 2012 01:56 AM (GMT)
He watched Emilia going around the house decorating. She looked so much happier lately. She had a glow about her now-a-days. He remembered how terrified she was when she first found out she was pregnant: he was beyond happy while she was beyond terrified. A lot of convincing finally got her to agree that she wasn't going to be a terrible mother. She became more fond of the idea as time passed. He was glad for that. He was thoroughly convinced that she would be an amazing mother. Though, they were having a few issues trying to pick a name. It was still early in the process, but it didn't hurt to throw around ideas. However, all the names they suggested were the names of friends or former friends of Razz's who were all jerks, or the name of a guy that Emmi had had relations with sometime before they met. They didn't want to name their son after someone from their past like that. Their son would probably end up being named right when they saw him. Something that would fit him. That was probably a better idea anyways. That way they wouldn't second guess themselves with a name. They would just see him and know.
He watched her as she got a vase from the kitchen cabinet. He was about to pick up the vase for her when she looked at him, her expression full of terror. He stared in shock as the blood started to pool on the linoleum. Why was she... Oh God. No. No, they were only a few months in. It was no where near time for her to go into labor. And she shouldn't be bleeding like that. Razz snapped back into reality when he saw Emilia fall to the floor. This shouldn't be happening. It couldn't be. He immediately picked her up before running to the car in horror. He placed her as gently as he could in the passenger seat before running to his side and starting the engine. He was scared. He was scared for Emilia and the baby. There was still a long amount of time the would have to wait before they would become parents. Why was this happening so soon? He sped down the road. Getting honked at by other cars, and receiving angry glares from the pedestrians he drove by. He called the hospital as he drove, watching Emilia as she cringed and cried out in pain. They told him that they would be out there with a stretcher by the time he got there.
Razz pulled into the driveway of the Emergency Room entrance. The nurses and staff helped Emilia out of the car and onto the stretcher. A large dark blood stain was on the car seat. He left the car keys in the ignition for one of the nurses to park it. He held Emilia's hand as they went through the ER, receiving looks from the people they passed. He couldn't believe this was happening. Things were fine just an hour ago. He tried to force his way into the staff only area of the ER where they took Emilia. He couldn't leave her. He needed to be with her for this. He was forced to take a seat in the waiting room, though, when they threatened to sedate him. He stayed in the chair with his face buried in his hands. Why was this happening? Why them?
Emilia Mira Backstrom - April 24, 2012 02:50 AM (GMT)
Emilia felt helpless; she couldn't help her child, as hard as she was trying to hold him in. The blood stained her dress, her legs weak and feeble. The pain in her pelvis and stomach intensified as she was picked up and taken to the car. Razz was driving as fast as he could, but Emilia felt the baby pushing through as she tried to hold on a little longer. Emilia had to keep him in, no matter how painful it was to keep him in. It felt like her pelvis was being broken into two, her breathing labored as she held onto her baby. Letting out a cry of pain, Emilia clutched her stomach tightly, trying to ease the pain with no success. Emilia couldn't stop thinking about her baby boy. Her son, slipping between her fingers. She could hardly think about anything else. Pain. Her child. Pain. Everything around Emilia was spinning, and she whimpered as she was pulled out of the car and only the stretcher, tears filling her eyes as she lied on the stretcher, grasping Razz's hand tightly as they ran her to the emergency room. She could hear the nurses and doctors talking in a rushed manner as they pulled her into a darkly lit room, pulling her into the bright lighting. Emilia felt Razz's hand slip from hers as they pushed him out of the room hastily. She shrieked in pain, the pain tripling as the baby's head got closer to the exit. " Relax, Emilia, relax," The nurse ordered, letting Emilia grip her hand tightly as they put the anesthesia mask on her face, her eyelids fluttering as the bright light above her blurred.
The bright lights flooded her eyes as they opened, squinting a little as the did; Emilia couldn't feel anything anymore. Sitting up quickly, Emilia grimaced from the immediate pain that came with sitting up as she looked at her stomach frantically, feeling it with her hands. It was empty, he wasn't there anymore. Emilia's heart was racing, the machine next to her beeping quickly as her chest ached. Emilia could feel the stitched left from the surgery, her body ached. A doctor walked into the room to check on her, Emilia immediately questioning her. " Where is he? Where is he?" Emilia sobbed hysterically, attempting to get up from the bed only to be pushed down by the doctor quickly. She recognized him from the surgery table. " Emilia, calm down," The doctor said softly, rubbing her shoulder gently," You're baby died the minute we took him out. There was nothing we could do, I'm sorry. You're boyfriend went out for fresh air just a second ago, he'll be back in a moment." He said, before setting down a cup of painkillers and water," take these- they'll help with the pain."
Emilia watched the doctor walk out, her eyes were wide as Razz walked in, her expression softening as she broke into tears. She couldn't bear seeing Razz with that face. She couldn't bear knowing the fact her baby was gone, her world was crumbling around her. Emilia let out a wail, letting Razz hug her tightly, her arms immediately wrapping around his neck as she sobbed. " He's gone," Emilia cried, trembling as he held onto her," He's gone, he's gone," Emilia repeated as though her mind couldn't handle the reality of her baby's death. Her mind was a broken record, trying to accept the emptiness in her. Emilia, who usually cried softly, couldn't keep the noises from escape her mouth as she weeped. Emilia's body felt as though it collapsed in Razz's strong arms, her nose taking little comfort by the usually cheerful greeting of Razz's scent. He was gone. Their son, her baby. Gone.
Raziel Joshua Jefferson - April 24, 2012 05:29 AM (GMT)
Razz felt like he had been sitting in the waiting room for ages before a nurse finally told him that he could go in and see Emilia. He walked into the private hospital room and saw Emilia laying there unconscious. He could see that she was hooked up to an IV and a blood drip, as well as the heart monitor. It killed him to see her in this condition. What happened to put this in that situation? He was sure they were doing everything right. They did everything that his parents did when they were expecting the twins -- which was a lot considering his father was a doctor -- and some extra. It just wasn't fair. Especially not to Emilia who started to feel the fluttering of their son inside of her, a miracle for someone on their first pregnancy. No one was telling him anything. He just wanted someone to tell him what they did wrong to have this happen.
After a while of just sitting in the chair beside her bed, a doctor came in and told him about the surgery. Razz felt himself break a little inside. Although, he had to admit that he wasn't all that shocked. His father was a doctor. Razz had been taught medical facts for only as long as he could remember. He knew that at only three months, a fetus had no chance of surviving outside the womb of its mother. There was no real chance of saving him, and he knew that. It didn't mean it hurt any less, though. He also told Razz that Emilia's body went into shock despite the anesthetics, and while they managed to save her, she had still lost a lot of blood. He couldn't stand to hear more so he left the room to go get some air. It was darker out, now, the air was crisp.
Razz returned to the room to see Emilia awake. He was careful about the wires as he held her close to him while she cried. Razz managed to hold the tears in. He had never been a crier. He already must've been portraying the pain of loss on his face, seeing as how Emilia broke into crying hysterics when he walked in. He had to be strong for her. Or, at least as strong as he could've been given the situation. He wanted to cry too, but he knew that he oculdn't afford to with Emilia in her delicate state. "I know, Honey. I know," was all he said as she sobbed into him. He didn't know what else he could say or do. He had just lost his would-be baby boy. He wouldn't be able to teach him how to play sports or an instrument. uHow would they tell their parents, who were probably more excited than him and Emilia were? He probably wouldn't need to, then again. His father happened to work in that hospital. With any luck, they already knew.
Emilia Mira Backstrom - April 24, 2012 06:11 AM (GMT)
She couldn't stop thinking about him. What did she do wrong? Emilia had taken every single precaution she could have possibly taken, Razz's father himself helped her in doing that. She was eating healthy, she was not eating chocolate or drinking alcohol, and was being so very cautious. What happened? Her stomach ached, the pain reminded her she was alive and that this was real. The weakness in her body reminded her that she had lost a lot of blood. The emptiness in her stomach reminded her that he was gone. Her baby. She couldn't stop thinking about him, her mind was running circles. Razz was warm compared to her, his arms were safe. In his arms, Emilia was safe though broken. Her body was sore, but she wouldn't take the pain medication. Emilia needed the pain to remind her she was alive. She must have cried for more than an hour. Her eyes were tender, her chest was heavy, her arms remained around Razz as he lied down on the bed next to her. Emilia couldn't leave, the doctor didn't feel safe discharging her for at least a night to check on her. They had things that would help the scars heal quickly, but they were more concerned of the blood loss. Lying down in Razz's arms was the only way Emilia could sleep. Cuddled up against his chest, Emilia could hear her heartbeat on the machine. It was unnerving, but necessary. After a while of convincing on Razz's part, Emilia agreed to take the pain relievers and was feeling the relaxing numbness of them. Shutting her eyes, she listened to Razz's breathing as his chest softly rose and fell, his breath on the top of her head as he held her close. Emilia could not find comfort in anyone but him.
When she woke up, Emilia's room was full of flowers and gifts and smelt of lilacs. Razz's father, who worked at the same hospital must have informed her family. Expensive chocolates, flowers, and other gifts sat in a pile in the room; her father must know by now, that was the only explanation for the flowers. The only other person who knew she loved lilacs was Razz, who was asleep beside her. Emilia looked up at Razz, nuzzling his chest gently as she snuggled against him again. Her arms were sore, another small cup of pain killers with water sat on the table. She was hesitant to touch them, and decided to ignore them. The color was returning to her flesh, and she looked more alive than she did before; the pink of her lips had returned, but the feeling of being alive had yet to.
Emilia heard a small gasp escape Razz's lips, and looked up to see tears in his eyes; he had stayed strong for her the entire night but even he had his limits. Sitting up, Emilia kissed his cheek, running her fingers through her messy, dark hair. Taking the pain killers, Emilia hugged Razz tightly, keeping the wires attached to her arm off him. She wasn't going to make him try to convince her to take them, Emilia had to do her part in making him happy. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Emilia kissed his lips with tender passion; Emilia knew he was excited for the baby, even more than she was. There was a knock on the door, and Emilia sat up to see who it was as the doctor walked in, files in hand. " Emilia, you can go home, but I strongly advise that you take it easy for a while,
The doctor started, as he pulled out the IV and blood drips from her arm, " You have lost a lot of blood that your body needs to make again because of the miscarriage. We had to do surgery, the baby caused some internal bleeding when it was forced out, hence the blood loss. We suspect it could be a number of reasons why, whether it was former drug use or your small figure, we can't say. We hope you get better, and we're sorry for your loss.
" He said, walking out of the room to leave them alone.
She was on the verge of tears, but stopped them. She knew what he was insinuating. It was her fault. Somehow, the things she had done in the past have always been good at punishing her. Pulling off the wires from the stickers on her chest, arms, and legs, Emilia turned to Razz with a sad expression, leaning forward and giving him another small kiss. Getting up from the bed shakily, Emilia picked up the dress hanging up from her, another gift from her father. Her legs weak and slightly trembling, Emilia pulled off the hospital gown, putting on the dress and she smoothed it down, sitting down on the bed again. Emilia could feel herself shaking and weak, she was slightly out of breath. Wrapping her arms around Razz's torso, Emilia let out a small sigh, reminding herself why this happened. It was her fault.
OOC: Her Dress
Raziel Joshua Jefferson - April 25, 2012 02:44 AM (GMT)
Razz tried to hold it in as long as he could. He was able to through his sleep, which he was glad he was able to do. He just wasn't able to when he woke. It hurt. A lot. He really wanted the baby. Razz just felt that he was ready to have children, despite being young. He always loved kids, He practically helped his parents to raise the twins. He was so ready to be a father. It wasn't fair. They were doing everything right. Razz felt weak as the tears rolled down his cheeks. Razz didn't like crying, or at least not in front of other people. He was the type that kept all the sad feelings bottled up inside, and let them out only when he was alone. But Razz couldn't hold it in any longer. This must've been the universe's way of trying to balance him out with the rest of the people on the planet. Right when he and Emilia had so much good going in their lives, it had to be taken away. It wasn't fair. Balance was unfair. Life was unfair. He thought that if there was some supernatural force out there was determining if they deserved to be happy or not, they had proved that they did. Apparently not, though. Not now that their son was taken away from them.
Razz wondered if his mother knew yet. He knew for sure that his father did; it was unavoidable, seeing as how he worked in the hospital. He wondered how she would react. She was so happy that she cried. He knew that his father would be sad about it, but would cover it with a mask of polite indifference. He was a doctor, things like this happened everyday, all the time. Medical personnel had to grow used to the idea of death; they had to accept it. It would be so much harder to do their jobs if they didn't. One would think, though, that Razz would get used to the idea also, having spent so much time himself at the hospital, but no. Razz couldn't just do that. He couldn't just hide it behind a mask of indifference no matter how hard he tried. He knew that even his father would cry about it, though. When he went home and was in the privacy of his bedroom with just Razz's mother. He could clearly see that Emilia's family knew. His family alone wouldn't have been able to afford all the gifts that were in the room.
He could see that Emilia was blaming herself over what the doctor said. He didn't want her to think that way. It may have not been her former drug use. He said that it may have been her small size. He kissed the top of her head as he held her. That wasn't fair of the doctor to do. He was going to have a long talk with his father about that doctor when he got a chance. Doctors weren't supposed to insinuate that anything was a patient's fault. They were just supposed to help. He rocked side to side slightly. He couldn't just let himself cry again until he got a chance to be alone. Especially now, he had to be strong for Emilia's sake. "It's not your fault," he said softly, pressing his cheek to the top of his head. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault."
Emilia Mira Backstrom - April 25, 2012 06:55 AM (GMT)
Emilia shook her head before burying her face in his chest; she knew it was her fault and Razz's words gave little comfort. It could have been the drug use. It could have been her size. Either way, she could have controlled either of those to save her child. She couldn't go into the past and undo all the things she did, but she could have tried to gain more weight. She could have tried harder. But she didn't do enough, there was something she did wrong whether it was present or in the past. Emilia wished she could change what she had done, but knew that wishing for that was pointless. Even the bad parts of her past she wouldn't end up changing, because every single one of those events lead her straight to Razz. Seeing him cry made her remember he was still human, still vulnerable to tears and sadness. Sometimes, Emilia felt that she saw him as such a superman to her that she forgot that like anyone else, he had his weaknesses. Razz was more excited for this baby than anyone, and Emilia felt guilt for this happening. She knew it wasn't completely out of her control. Emilia wanted to say something, anything, but no words were coming out. She couldn't get her voice to work, and settled for silence. Emilia was exhausted and aching. Her heart was throbbing, her stomach sick. Razz's chest was warm as she hugged him tightly, her body cold in comparison to his. She wanted to go home.
Letting go of Razz, Emilia stood up from the bed, walking over to the door only to stumble after a few steps. She felt Razz's arms catch her, lifting her up with his strong, reliable arms. Emilia couldn't feel her legs completely, and she felt like she was floating as Razz carried her, her head resting on his shoulder as she tucked her arms in. The car ride was silent, the radio playing softly in the background. Emilia couldn't speak, she could hardly think. Watching Razz open the car door, unbuckling her and picking her up carefully, Emilia felt helpless and weak. The bed was soft and had a sense of home as Razz laid her down on the bed. Emilia grabbed his sleeve weakly as he turned away for a brief moment. She didn't want to be left alone, not now. Emilia immediately curled up next to Razz as he laid on the bed next to her, her eyes shutting as she rested her arm on his chest.
~ Week Time Skip ~
Emilia had found comfort being around Razz's family, and after the death of her child they welcomed her and encouraged them to spend time there. His mother especially was a great comfort to her. Emilia otherwise would spend her time alone in a dark room, and though Razz was also a great comfort to her, she needed a fellow woman to be around. Today, they were going to visit them later to see Bethany and Jeffery and his parents. Emilia could feel Razz's arm around her as he slept, and gently rubbed his arm with her thumb as he peacefully slept. Emilia could feel the change in how they made love. Instead of the usually playfulness they had before, there was a deeper, intense passion that came with it now. Everything had more emotion and yearning. Emilia turned over to face Razz, kissing his cheek softly as he woke up, his beautiful blue eyes looking up at her, a small smile spreading across her face. Crawling on top of Razz, Emilia lightly laid down on top of him, letting her bare body press against him as she kissed him.
She hadn't really spoken in the last week. It was as though her body was in a vow of silence when mourning her child. When Razz spoke to her, she would respond only with one word sentences and head motions. Emilia could feel herself shutting down, she didn't feel like herself. With an empty stomach, Emilia felt incomplete. The twins had noticed as well, and asked Razz why she wasn't talking anymore. She felt bad for being so mute, but she couldn't get herself to say anything. Her fingers running through his dark hair, Emilia kissed him again, their kiss longer than usual and deeper. She focused on the taste of him as he kissed her, the softness of his skin as he touched her, his gentle eyes. Anything that kept her from thinking about the event that was avoided to be talked about.
Raziel Joshua Jefferson - April 25, 2012 07:54 AM (GMT)
The past week had been rough on him and Emilia. They were getting along, but it still hurt. Although, he was glad for his family. Razz and Emilia always either had his family over visiting, or were at his family's house visiting. His father had taken some time off to spend with him while he got over the loss, which really kind of just meant beer and video games. His mother and Bethany spent a lot of their time with Emilia. They would just talk and do each others nails or something of the sort. Little Jeff kind of just migrated from one group to the other, depending on whichever he saw more interesting. Both the twins usually just spent their time with Emilia, though, not that he minded. They helped her to keep her mind off the topic that dare not speak its name. Bethany usually just spent her time sticking to Emilia like glue especially. Beth always had a strange intuitiveness quality. She could always just tell when something was off and immediately tried to fix it however she could. Jeffery on the other hand was really just a bouncing ball of energy.
Razz had taken the week off from work to spend time with Emilia. His boss didn't mind, he brought in too much good business. Plus, he was a good man; maybe not always morally correct, but the intentions were good. He gave them his condolences. Emilia had kind of checked out vocally. He didn't mind. He was expecting her to go into shock and something shut down. Nothing really surprised you medically when your father was a doctor. He would wait until she was able to vocalize herself again. The twins weren't so patient on the other hand. Their constant questions were "Why isn't Emmi talking?" and "When will Emmi start talking again?" His answers were always the same too.: "When you're older" and "I'm not completely sure".
He held her to him as he pulled himself out of his slumber. He thought that she was actually taking everything rather well. He was still hiding most his emotions, but the pain was beginning to numb away. His fingers twirled her blonde hair a bit as he smiled tiredly down at her. His emotions weighing him down made smiling more of a challenge than it used to be. He let out a yawn before looking down at her again and pressing his forehead to hers. "Looking forward to seeing my family again today?" he asked in a mumble since he was still half asleep. "Apparently the twins have been trying to convince Mom and Dad to either let them live here, or us move in with them."
Emilia Mira Backstrom - April 26, 2012 12:49 AM (GMT)
Emilia wore a sweet smile as she nodded, giving Razz a quick kiss before sliding off of him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into another kiss. She felt more at ease when she was with Razz, she had a distraction from her pain. When she was with Razz, she could forget all the bad things and could focus on him. Emilia could tell he was still recovering himself, he had been hiding his pain but she could see it. She could hear him crying in the other room when he thought she was asleep. It was heartbreaking to listen to. She wished he would be more open to her about it, but kept quiet about it though, Emilia knew that he hated to feel weak and crying was part of that. Unlike her, Razz was extremely emotionally reserved. Emilia had always been easily brought to tears, and wore all her emotions on her sleeves. She tried to be there for him in little ways. Kisses, hugs, cooking him his favorite foods. She couldn't do much, but whatever she could do she did. Emilia was keeping herself busy and making sure she was always doing something. She didn't want to think about it. She avoided it at all costs. She couldn't handle thinking about her baby. Her baby, who they buried only a few days ago. The funeral was painful, he never was given a name. Still, Emilia was focusing on the good. Emilia giggled at Bethany and Jeff's attempt to get to be around them forever; they were the sweetest kids she ever met and she loved them. Bethany clung to her at all times, and Emilia didn't mind it at all.
Getting up from the bed, Emilia went to the mirror, brushing out her hair and pulling some of it to the side, clipping it with a black bow. Emilia didn't mean to, but she wore a surprising amount of black clothing for her. Getting dressed, she watched Razz from the mirror. He looked sad, he always did lately. Emilia was sad too, but when he was around she could ignore the feelings. Razz couldn't. She watched him pull on his pants, and turned around to say something. Nothing coming out, Emilia walked up to him, helping him button his shirt. " Razz,
" She said softly, looking up at him with her large blueish green eyes. Emilia's voice cut off, and she mouthed 'I love you', before giving him a kiss tenderly.
Wrapping her arms around his torso, Emilia gave him an eskimo kiss before leaning forward, gently pressing her lips against his. She looked up at him with a sad expression, giving him another kiss. She could tell how sad he was. Emilia was always there for Razz though, even when she couldn't tell him that. She was a little stuck on a one word thing. She tried to say things to Razz. She did. It just turned out as a small squeak, and Razz simply laughed and told her that she didn't have to speak, and gave her a kiss. Taking Razz's hand, Emilia lead Razz outside to go to his parents; they were actually only a couple blocks from their house now that they moved, and it was nice to walk. When they reached the house and knocked on the door, they were immediately mobbed by the twins. Picking Beth up, Emilia hugged her tightly, swirling her around as she laughed. Giving her a kiss on the cheek, Emilia set her down, hugging Jeff just as affectionately. Razz's parent's smile widened as they saw them, her father patting her shoulder, her mother hugging her tightly. Emilia never had a real family before, or at least one of that was so accepting and kind, who liked being around each other. It was bittersweet, but Emilia adored his family nonetheless.
OOC: Her Outfit
Raziel Joshua Jefferson - April 26, 2012 03:39 AM (GMT)
Razz chuckled slightly at Emilia only being able to mouth "I love you" to him. He hated to admit that it was just a bit adorable despite the tragic situation that caused it. He appreciated the attempt though. And all the other sweet little things she would do for him. It gave him the feeling that she was really picking up on his consisting sadness. That idea bothered him a bit; he was usually very good at hiding when he was upset. He didn't like people knowing wen he was upset -- or more like he didn't like their sympathy. He didn't like feeling dependent on other people. He would much rather people be dependent upon him. That was just how he was. It was actually his fierce independence that kept him at his job. He liked being useful and knowing that he made it on his own two feet. Razz knew that if he really wanted, he could've lived at home with his parents throughout college, and they would've happily supported him financially, but he preferred knowing that at least almost all his means were a product of his own work. All of it was a pride thing, which is why he felt the need to hide his emotions. "I love you, too," he said to her softly, kissing her on the lips before she lead him out the door.
He was glad that the house they moved into was near his parent's place. Having them nearby all the time made coping with the loss easier. Having his father around especially helped. They never really said much, just a couple of beers and watched the game or played video games. His father understood his need to just bottle up his emotions, considering it was a habit he picked up on off of him. It was just easier not have to deal with crying when the people around them did it enough for all. Not to say that either were annoyed by it, they just felt a need to emotionally balance things out.
They reached his parent's house and were practically tackled by the twins. he picked up Jeff, flipping him upside down and holding him like that for a minute before carefully letting him onto the ground. He picked up Bethany next. She gave him a big hug, whispering in his ear, "Tell me today?" He gave her an incredulous look. She had asked the same question everyday since she first saw them after the hospital. He patted her on the head after he set her on the ground. "Maybe tomorrow, B." He shook his father's hand when he saw them -- hugs weren't their thing when emotions weren't running high -- and hugged his mother. She wouldn't let go for a minute, as if she was trying to absorb all his sadness. She had to be pried away by his father. He loved his family, no matter how overly affectionate they could be.
Emilia Mira Backstrom - April 26, 2012 09:59 PM (GMT)
Emilia let his mother grab her hand, gently leading her into the kitchen as his father lead Razz into the living room. They knew that when living together, couple needed a little of space, and they didn't mind it. Bethany grabbed Emilia's hand as they walked into the kitchen, sitting down at the table counter where a vase full of lilacs sat. Emilia glanced at it briefly, her heart sinking. She couldn't look at her favorite flower anymore, they just reminded her of what happened. " Emilia, we made you some cookies to take home," Marianne said cheerfully, sitting down at the table nearby her," Bethany helped bake them and everything, she was the one who wanted to make them." Bethany's eyes lit up in pride as her mother said that, making Emilia smile, wrapping her arm around her and pulling her close. Emilia tended to cling to Bethany just as much as Bethany clung to her. She liked having Beth close by her. She couldn't explain why. Jeff tended to pop by and say hello, but liked being around his dad and Razz when they watched sports. " Alex said he loves that Bethany adores you, you are such a good influence on her, she loves you," Her mother added with a smile as she removed the coat of nailpolish put on only a couple days before. Emilia grinned as Bethany blushed, burying her face into her stomach before pausing, her hand feeling her stomach.
" Hey Emmi, why hasn't the baby been moving?" Bethany asked," Is he sleepie? Is that why?" Emilia looked away, shaking her head as tears formed in her eyes. Pulling her hands away from Marianne, Emilia wiped away her tears, her elbows leaning on the table as tears fell onto the table. Marianne stood up, walking over as she lifted Emilia to stand up from the chair, hugging her tightly. Emilia hadn't told Bethany that he was gone. She hadn't told anyone, the only reason her family and his knew was because Alex worked in the hospital. " Bethany, go hang out with Razz and daddy for a while, Emilia needs to be alone for a while," Marianne said as she rubbed Emilia's shoulder affectionately.
Bethany walked out the room as Marianne sat Emilia down," I'm going to make you some tea, okay?" She said, turning on the stove. Beth walked into the living room glumly, walking up to Razz and pulling his sleeve. " Razzy, why does the baby make Emilia so sad? I asked her whether it was sleeping in her tummy and she started crying. Mommy told me to go hang out with you because mommy is making Emmi feel better. Did I say something wrong? Why is Emmi so sad?" Bethany asked, a concerned look on her face. Emilia leaned on her chair, wiping away the tears and smudged makeup. She knew she had to tell Bethany at some point, but she could hardly speak right now. Just thinking about the baby made her cry. She couldn't handle it.
Raziel Joshua Jefferson - April 28, 2012 06:12 AM (GMT)
Razz walked into the living room with his father, the game already having started by the time he was there. This was just what Razz needed every now and then. Just some guy time. Tristan would come along every now and then; Kendall not so much, but she tried to be a good friend and spend time with Emilia so she had another female to be around. He sat down with his father, who passed him a bottle of soda and put the bowl of chips on Jeff's lap since he sat in the middle. They were all just quiet for the most part, nothing exciting happening since the game had just started. Razz never really watched it. He kind of just zoned out, not that anyone noticed or minded. He just reacted in the same way his father or Jeff reacted to what happened in the game: a boo here, and "alright" there. just to make it seem like he was just as into it as they were. He couldn't help but brood a bit, even while there. He was getting better about it, slowly, but it still happened. His mind couldn't help but to wander back every now and then to his lost almost-son.
He saw Bethany come out of the kitchen brooding and approached him. he pulled her onto his lap after she asked, and after he let out a sigh. He looked at his father who gave him a slight nod before making his way to the kitchen to comfort Emilia. "I'll in the kitchen. Holler if you need anything," was all Alex said before going into the kitchen. They both knew it was time to tell the twins. Even if they were only six and probably wouldn't be able to grasp the concept pretty well. "C'mere, Jeff," he said to his little brother. He waited until Jeff was seated right next to him and the both of them were paying full attention.
He took a deep breath. There was no way to ease into the conversation, so he just said it, "The baby's gone," he told them. They both had confused looks on their faces as they tried to understand what he meant. "What do you mean by gone?" asked Jeff, the most confused look on his face. Beth mirrored this look. "Yeah, Mommy said that the baby wouldn't be able to leave Emmi's tummy for another six months. How could the baby be gone?" Bethany added. Razz rubbed his face. How could he explain this to two six year olds? "The baby wanted to come out too early. Far earlier than he should've wanted to. So when he came out.... he didn't make it," Razz said, becoming very quiet by the time he said his last line. He tried to hold back all his emotions. He couldn't cry in front of the twins. They had never seen him cry. To them, he was Superman or Batman. He couldn't cry. And he wouldn't. He looked at Bethany who had tears beginning to form in her eyes, and Jeff who looked depressed also. "No wonder Emmi's been feeling so sad," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes. Little Jeff -- who was already beginning to pick up on the silence thing of Alex and Razz -- sat there with a sad expression on his face. Razz pulled them both in for a hug. "Yeah, that's why," he mumbled as he tried to hold back his own emotions.
Emilia Mira Backstrom - April 28, 2012 06:38 AM (GMT)
Emilia buried her face into Marianne's shoulder as she stroked her hair, gently swaying as she hugged her. " Shhh, it's okay, Emilia," She would say softly as she hugged her, trying her best to comfort her. Marianne watched Alex walking into the kitchen, shaking her head. She knew that Razz had to tell them both eventually, but she had been trying to keep it from them. Alex patted Emilia on the shoulder, letting Marianne let her go as she lead her to the table to sit down. Alex sat down by her, grabbing his hand from across the table. " It's not the end of the world," He said with a gentle smile, his harsher exterior showing her a brief moment of compassion," The wonderful thing about babies is you can keep trying until you get one, this won't be your only chance. I know Razz and you were very excited, but this isn't going to be the last good thing of your relationship. You'll have more happy moments, more family, it's not the end, I promise." Alex said, watching his wife as she sat down with Emilia, wrapping an arm around her. " And you know Razz, he's trying to be strong for you but he can't face this alone. I know you're in a rut yourself, but you have to pull yourself out of it, you can't leave him to fend for himself." Alex muttered softly, making sure he was soft enough that nobody but Emilia could hear.
Nodding a little, Emilia wiped away her tears, taking a deep breath before walking out to the living room. They hadn't been as close, Emilia didn't want them to drift away. She wanted to stay close to him, no matter how hard Razz pushed his feels away and pushed her away in the process. Sitting next to Razz, who was hugging both of the twins. Their attention immediately turned to her as she sit down, Bethany letting out a large sob as she hugged Emilia, her small arms wrapping around her. A gentle smile on her face, she stroked Beth's hand, leaning on Razz slightly as she sat.
Facing her attention to Razz, Emilia gave Razz a small kiss, her arms wrapping around his neck gently, one of her hands resting on his chest. Leaning forward, Emilia kissed the lobe of his ear," We'll make it through this, I promise," She said softly, giving him a longer kiss as her hand gently stroked his face. Alex was right, she had to be there for Razz. He was strong, but he couldn't handle this without her. They were a couple, a team. Emilia couldn't do it without Razz as much as he couldn't without her. She didn't want them to drift apart like this, she didn't want them to not talk about things that mattered. She needed him, more than anyone.