Title: A New Perspective
Description: Alan & Catarina
Catarina Aurora De Luca - November 16, 2011 02:27 AM (GMT)
Cat closed the door to her bedroom and headed down the stairs. She was exhausted... that was a bit of an understatement to how she felt, but she knew that it was worth it. Cat smiled to herself. There was something magical about seeing Alan's beautiful blue eyes stare up at her from her son, their son. Cat hadn't told Alan yet... she was kind of ignoring him... He hadn't done anything wrong, but she didn't want to cause anymore damage then she already had. She knew that she should have called him when Erik was born, but she was putting it off. She had chosen a strong name for her little Erik... He had only been born a few days before, but Cat already knew that he was her whole world. Being royal, she didn't have to worry about expenses of anything like that, which was nice, she was able to keep her baby, and give him everything.
Cat knew that she would have to tell Alan soon, but she had hoped that she could have a few more days before everyone knew that she had given birth. With the press all over Alan because of the abuse thing, they had questioned Cat, but then left her alone when Liam had told them politely that she didn't need the extra stress. She knew that the second it got out that she had given birth, the media would be at her doorstep again asking questions. Was she afraid to let Alan near the child? Was she afraid of her own safety? Those media hounds would do anything for a story, but Cat knew that Alan would never hurt her, or Erik... He couldn't love her, not the way she wanted him to, but they were friends.... Cat had only just recently accepted that. Erik had changed her whole world view, in only a few days. He was her everything, and she wouldn't let anything happen to him...
It was then that there was a knock on the door. Cat might not have heard it if she hadn't been going to the kitchen to get something to eat while Erik was sleeping. Cat stared at the door in curiosity. Who could that be? She asked herself. Not many people came to the doorstep of the De Luca household, especially since all of her brothers liked to stay on campus...
Cat caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She looked almost as exhausted as she felt. She had been exercising in her spare moments, trying to get her pre-baby body back, and she was doing a good job. She was wearing jeans and a long sleeved tee. Her hair was up in a high ponytail and she wasn't wearing makeup. Cat groaned, she didn't want to see anyone. She would have been happy to live in her own little world with Erik all by herself.... She hadn't even been going to school. Liam just stopped by with her weeks worth of work and then left. He had to be one of the only ones who had met Erik, other then the Midwife she had hired to help deliver Erik.... Cat wanted to enjoy others not knowing that The Crown Prince of Switzerland had produced a male heir and he wasn't even married.... Cat could careless about politics like that. Erik was hers. Yes, he was a Yvan, but he was her baby... No one could take that from her.
Cat took a deep breath and unlocked the door. She took in a shocked breath when she saw Alan there. Yeah, she had accepted that they would never be together... but damn did it still smart a bit, and here he was... as beautiful as ever. Looking back at her with those eyes that she had seen over and over for the past few days... This was the man she had fallen in love with, the father of that baby she loved with her whole heart... and he was the last person she had expected. "Oh... umm... Hi."
She said somewhat uncomfortable. Cat wasn't sure what to do now, she had never been unsure around him before, but now? Now she wasn't thinking of just herself, she was thinking of that beautiful baby boy that she had upstairs, and how much Erik had made Alan want to give up everything.... Suddenly from behind her she heard Erik give a loud cry. Cat opened the door and backed away from Alan, "Hold on... I'll... uh, be right back."
She said before running up the stairs and into her bedroom.Amore, Che cosa c'è di sbagliato? Hai avuto un brutto sogno? Mamma appena scese le scale per un momento. Va tutto bene. shhh"
Cat said in Italian to her son. She picked him up and held him in her arms. Erik instantly stopped crying and stared at Cat with those blue eyes that were an exact copy of his fathers. Cat preferred to talk to Erik in Italian, because it felt more natural to her then English. She supposed that she should be exposing Erik to other languages too, but she felt just like her mother had, speaking to her in Chinese when she was little. It was just right... Cat smiled down at her pride and joy. Erik Amando Yvan. Future King of Switzerland, just like his father.
Translation: Love, What's wrong? You had a bad dream? Mom just went downstairs for a moment. It's all right. shhh
Outfit: The Outfit
Alan Nickolas Yvan - November 16, 2011 01:54 PM (GMT)
Alan coughed softly, he hated having to ask his driver to drive him anywhere. He liked the feeling of driving his fancy sports car and being independent. He wanted to be strong, and getting someone to drive you places wasn't strong. But Alan was far from strong right now. Some would disagree, he had been through a lot and was still standing. He'd been through almost 19 years of abuse and was still alive and ready to take on the world. Ok, maybe not the world, but he handled the press really well. He handled everything well since he'd been released from the hospital. Heck, even in the hospital he was handling everything well. Alan had been through this before, the only difference was that he'd dragged Cat into it and he regretted that so much. She shouldn't have to deal with what she was dealing with. Sure that baby may be an angel now, but soon it'd be a bribe and blackmail to get Cat to do what King Yvan wanted.
But the council hasn't decided what to do with in Yvan just yet.
He's not allowed to be around his family that's for sure. But Queen Yvan was trying her best to hold her kingdom together and her family. She wanted to be by Alan's side and she did come to America to hold him and console him. But she had to go back to her country and do her duty as Queen. She had to talk to her people and make sure riots didn't erupt or anything crazy. Alan was sitting in front of his vanity and looked at himself in the mirror. His blue eyes looked at himself and his blank face. He tried to smile but stopped because of how it turned out. This was all wrong. But Conrad had visited him in the hospital, Alan looked to his side to see the huge bouquet of darling red roses. Conrad always knew exactly what Alan liked best. Roses were Alan's favorite. Alan then smiled even if it was weak. He stood up slowly, using his not broken arm to help himself up. He hurt his ankle pretty bad, pulled some muscles in his back, and his arm was.... in a cast, broken in two places. He walked to his roses and leaned down to smell them, then he leaned back up and sighed. He knew he couldn't put it off any longer...
He had to go see Cat. He knew the baby had been born, and Cat ignoring his messages was starting to get annoying. He had to go see her and maybe... see his song. His son. His baby boy. Alan felt a pain in his stomach and he bent over a bit and gasped softly. He hated this anxiety, it made him sick a lot. He coughed again and put on some shoes and his watch. Alan then went downstairs and told his driver to take him to see Cat. He sat in the car, silence overwhelming him, he wasn't sure what he was going to do. It was his son and... he got in front of Cat to save him, and Cat. He couldn't let his son or the mother of said son pay for his mistake. He couldn't let them get hurt. He'd rather be beat a hundred times more than see his son or Cat hurt.
Alan walked up the driveway and stood on the steps for a couple minutes before he actual rang the bell. He looked miserable. But it was different than before, this sort of depression was so much different than the depression Cat saw. This was more of agony and despair. If it wasn't for Conrad and his mother, Alan would barely be hanging on. When the door opened Alan looked at Cat and tried to smile, it came out all wrong though. " I guess you weren't expecting--"
Alan then heard a cry, a baby's cry. Alan couldn't help it, once Cat had gone Alan's feet automatically followed. He followed up the stairs to Cat's room. He figured that the baby was too young for his own room yet. Alan stood in the doorway as Cat picked up her son... their son. He waited till Cat had stopped talking. Then he got the courage to walk into the room and near Cat. He looked at the baby as he sat in Cat's arms. He was struck, the boy was so beautiful. It was like the best of Cat and Alan put together. " I guess he hasn't learned how to stay asleep long."
Alan didn't gawk but he did look a little surprised. The boy had his eyes that's for sure. Alan tried to smile again, but right now it wasn't working. It all seemed so real now, this was his son. This was his own flesh and blood. The next heir to the Swiss throne, the next King. Alan sighed, " He'll knock 'em dead for sure..."
Alan said, his voice mostly sad but a hint of happy lingered there somewhere. He wondered if the baby would like him. He wondered if Cat wanted Alan to even be in the baby's life. Alan knew it was Cat's choice and if she didn't want Alan to be involved at all he'd respect that. Thinking those thoughts made him take a couple steps back.
Catarina Aurora De Luca - November 18, 2011 09:05 AM (GMT)
Cat hadn't noticed Alan in the room at first, which was silly of her. She should have known that he would follow her. That should have been automatic. Cat had been so absorbed in Erik though. This was her son, well, their son... but he seemed to steal all of Cat's attention, especially when he looked at her with those blue eyes. Erik was just so small and he was all hers. Cat jumped a little when Alan entered the room. She looked at Alan, the smile she had been giving there son still on her face. It was a smile of contentment, and pure joy. It was like Erik filled the space that had been missing her whole life. She felt complete. "Not really, he gets a few hours here and there, but he likes to have me near him." Cat said with another endearing look at the boy in her arms.
Cat laughed at Alan's last comment. Erik would knock them dead. There was no doubt there. "That's for sure. He has The Yvan looks mixed with the De Luca temperament. Our little boy is going to be a whirlwind." Cat said, placing a kiss on Erik's forehead.
Cat looked at Alan again. This time really looked at him. Sure she had known that he had been hurt, but she realized what she had missed the first time. He looked... broken. When Cat saw him step back, she wondered what he was thinking. She shook her head. She didn't understand what was going on here. Shouldn't Alan be happy? He was free of his father, and he had a son... Cat had been too delirious in her joy to notice that something was really wrong with Alan. Cat looked down at the boy in her arms, and then back at Alan. She regarded him curiously for a moment, and then took a step toward him. She smiled calmly.
"Alan, I would like you to meet Erik Amando Yvan." She said with a quick smile. Erik's middle name had been her choice, and she believed she had chosen well. In English, Amando meant something like Worthy of Love, and her son was indeed very worthy. Cat smiled warmly at the boy she had loved."Come say hello." She told him encouragingly. She didn't know what was going through Alan's head... She had been ignoring his messages and calls, that was how Cat rationalized it. Cat usually was so in tune with Alan that she could tell what was wrong, and it was scaring her a bit that she didn't know now...
Cat knew that she wanted Alan to be a huge part of Erik's life. This was their son... Not everyone could say that they wanted the father to be involved, but Cat knew that in order to rule Switzerland when Erik's time came, he needed to know both of his parents. Cat would let Alan go. She knew that she could now convince the Committee to let Alan live the life he wanted... since Alan now had a male heir... their was no reason that he couldn't live the life he wanted, he didn't have to marry her...
Cat decided that it was for the best. It still stung... oh did it sting. She would have given anything for Alan, but now? No. She didn't think she would. Now Cat had Erik. Erik would always need Cat, Erik would love Cat.... and Cat would die for Erik. Cat could let Alan go... sure she would want him in Erik's life, but he didn't have to stay with Cat. That though made her smile. She just had to convince Alan of the same thing.
That was when an odd thought hit Cat.... What if Alan thought she didn't want him around Erik? That seemed so foreign to her. She couldn't imagine keeping Alan from Erik, unless something drastic changed... She didn't even think of Alan as her Amante anymore... which was strange in itself. Cat hadn't even noticed that change, and she doubted Alan did... but it was odd to her... how had she not noticed that shift?
Cat tried to keep her thoughts concealed. She had more to worry about then Alan at the moment, other then the fact that he was Erik's father, and just like Cat was sure Erik would love her, she knew that Erik was going to adore his father. Erik wouldn't judge if Alan was with his mother. Just knowing the De Lucas she knew, the De Luca line was understanding, but fierce. Cat smiled down at her son. He was going to be everything this world needed. A Yvan-De Luca mix. This baby was going to change a whole dynamic. He had already changed his mothers whole world. Cat looked adoringly down at her baby boy. Erik Amando.... Cat couldn't think of anyone more beautiful on the whole planet, and she didn't think she would love anyone as much as she loved her son. Cat just felt so content... not even her troubling thoughts and worry about Alan could change that.
Alan Nickolas Yvan - November 19, 2011 11:31 PM (GMT)
Alan sighed softly, part of him was really glad that Cat was happy with the baby. Seeing her laugh was a good sign. He was glad she was okay and laughing. He would hate it if the baby became a burden or anything. He was just so used to taking the blame for everything bad. His father did that all the time. Everything that happened that he didn't like must have been Alan's fault. Hence why Alan usually took the blame for everything and hated being any trouble to other people. Which was the main reason he never asked for help when the abuse got really bad. He just dealt with it because he really did believe stuff like that was his fault. Though his father was gone now, but he also wasn't normal Alan anymore. Right now he was broken and weak. But he was softer, nicer, he wasn't as loud or obnoxious. He was still Alan but he was more... he was grown up now. He was kind and mature. f course he wouldn't show those better traits till after he got out of this broken phase. He had to get over the pain of this last incident before he got any better.
Having Conrad around helped a lot though. Conrad always made him feel safe.
Alan looked at Cat when she asked if he wanted to meet Erik. Erik, what a strong Swiss name. Alan loved it. Erik Yvan, it sounded like the name of a man who'd take the throne one day. Alan couldn't stop a weak smile from gracing his beautiful face. He nodded and pulled his arm out of the sling. The cast was just too heavy for his shoulder sometimes; but it wouldn't kill him to not watch his arm for a minute or two. He gently took Erik in his arms, Alan felt so big right now. Alan usually didn't feel big, Alan always felt small and weak and unloved but when Erik wiggled happily in his arms Alan couldn't help but laugh lightly. It was almost creepy how similar him and Erik looked, it wasn't going to be hard for people to tell that they were father and son once Erik had grown up. Alan looked down at Erik and muttered something softly in Swiss-German. He couldn't stop smiling softly, he knew how to raise a baby, he'd raised his younger siblings from the start. Of course he sort of abandoned them when the abuse got the worst and he ran off to fix his problems with booze and drugs and sex. He rocked Erik very gently for a minute before Erik started getting fussy, he laughed softly. " Either he's hungry or he likes you better." Alan said, his voice a little stronger. Alan really didn't want to let Erik go, hopefully he'd be able to sit here for a second. he felt warm and maybe even a little happy. It was almost the same feeling as when he curled up next to Conrad and Alan could hear the other mans heartbeat. But he kept that information to himself. He figured Cat didn't want to hear about Conrad at all. And that was okay by Alan.
Part of him wished he could stay here with Erik forever. But another part knew he couldn't. At least not forever.
Catarina Aurora De Luca - December 21, 2011 02:45 AM (GMT)
Cat looked at Alan for a moment while he held their son... Cat couldn't help but feel that she was disconnected to Alan in a lot of ways right now... She felt like everything between them had changed, she didn't feel the guilt that she had been feeling... she also didn't understand why she didn't feel as in sync with him either... He seemed so broken right now... but it was deeper then that. It was as if he had really changed... more then Cat had ever imagined he could, it seemed like he was a different person, which was not a bad thing it was just different... He seemed... more mature. Was thins because the abuse was out now? Cat bit her lip. She let out a strained laugh at his words. "He's just tired." Cat took a step toward Alan, so they were almost touching, both looking down at their child. Cat looked up at Alan and she had to take a deep breath. She couldn't help the way that he made her heart skip a beat. Cat wasn't just going to stop being in love with him, she was ready to let him go... but she still loved him, and she still reacted to him. Cat looked into those blue eyes and smiled at him. She took Erik from Alan and rocked him as she took a step back. Erik's eyes stayed on Alan, as did Cat's. Cat looked him over again, he seemed to be doing better. "You look better? Has Conrad been around?" She asked him as she started to try and put Erik back to sleep. Cat hadn't really been talking to Alan, so she was a little behind on what was going on with him. Cat had missed Alan, but he had been going through so much... that she hadn't wanted to bother him... Cat didn't want to guilt Alan again... Her heart squeezed in her chest as she thought of his face the last time they had seen each other alone... That had been a long time before Erik was born... She had felt her heartbreaking even as Alan was next to her. Cat had felt like that a long time before that too... She was in love with someone that would never love her in the way that she loved him... Not that it really mattered now.
Cat looked down at Erik to see that his blue eyes had closed. Cat kissed Erik's forehead. She whispered goodnight in Italian and set her son back in his crib by her bed. She then headed back out of the room and down the stairs and sat on the couch in the living room. She waited for Alan... When he walked into the room she looked at the floor. "You know that if you want you would be able to take Erik. The Committee would side with you if you wanted to take Erik and marry Con..." Cat said. She then bit her lip. She wasn't going to let herself cry. She had thought this through... The Committee wouldn't think there would be anything wrong with Alan marrying Con and raising Erik as a Swiss heir and then adopt some kids for Korea... Cat wouldn't even get a say in it... She wasn't an heir... She was just a princess for a country they had to rebuild...
Cat couldn't help it, she felt her eyes fill with tears at the thought of losing her son... A part of her told her that Alan would never do that... but another part told her that it had to tempt him..... The chance to marry Conrad and live happily ever after? That had to tempt him...
Alan Nickolas Yvan - December 23, 2011 07:12 PM (GMT)
Alan held Erik and he felt like he was looking into a mirror. Alan prayed that Erik would turn out to be a different man, completely different. He wanted Erik to grow up into a brave, strong, fearless boy who would never let anyone push him around or keep him from reaching his full potential. He wanted Erik to find wonderful goals and then have everyone push him up to reach them. He wanted Erik to have everything he could ever wish for and more. He needed Erik to not be a copy of his father. Alan knew that if Erik... if Erik did the same sorta of things Alan did... it wouldn't be anything but pain for both Cat and Erik. Alan would pray every night if he had to, he'd make sure Erik would grow into a better man than Alan ever could. But Alan really had grown up, he'd been through hell and high water and not to mention Conrad and Cat making his life even more dramatic. Alan had learned a lot, sure he had learned it the hard way, but he had learned. He had to be a better man, for Cat, for Conrad, for his mother, and for Erik. Though the pain of recent events was making him feel like a useless watse of space, deep down Alan had grown stronger. He'd never let anything keep him down, well... after things settled out. Right now everything was bringing him down, and until his arm healed and the bruises faded and the press stopped harassing him day and night... Until all that faded away, he wouldn't be able to show what a strong man he's grown up to be.
Alan smiled weakly back at Cat as she took Erik and put him to sleep. At the mention of Conrad Alan's heart ached slightly. Sure they had talked... actually it was more like fought, but things still weren't the same. " I don't know really... He came back from Korea... He visited me the day I was released but... " Alan looked down, " I'm not sure what's going on anymore..." Alan took one last glace at Erik before heading downstairs with Cat. He followed her and watched her sit down. He leaned up against the frame of the door at listened. He didn't speak for a long time, he hated seeing Cat cry, but she wasn't wrong. he could take Erik and raise him, groom him to be king. But... he could never take his son away from Cat, Cat was Erik's mother. Alan shook his head and walked over to Cat, he lifted her face so she was looking at him. " My mother has been the only thing keeping me alive Cat... I would never do such a thing to Erik... Take you away from him, I'd never hurt him like that." Alan then pulled his hand away and sighed, he sat down on the couch next to her and ran a hand through his blond hair. Then he chuckled bitterly, keeping his gaze to the floor. " Plus... I'd be stupid to think that Conrad would give up his throne for me... He doesn't want Caelan to take the throne and... I'm not naive enough to think that' he'd give up riches and honor and a whole kingdom just so he could be with me..."
Catarina Aurora De Luca - December 26, 2011 03:37 AM (GMT)
Cat was trying to keep herself together. She didn't want to fall apart over nothing, but after everything she had gone through since February it was amazing that she was able to keep it together as much as she had... She had not expected Alan to walk over to her. She looked into his eyes, eyes that seemed to reflect her son's... it was almost scary to Cat... She felt the empathy that she had felt with Alan return. She looked at him, and felt his sincerity. Sometimes it was hard to remind herself that she wasn't supposed to love him anymore... Cat blinked away her tears and kept her eyes glued on Alan, even when he released her. Cat bit her lip when Alan started saying how Conrad wouldn't give up his throne for Alan. "How do you know that?" Cat asked as she looked at her hands.
Cat looked back at the father of her child. She grabbed his chin and made him look at her, much like he had done to her moments earlier. "You are worth so much more then you know. We are not only royals... you realize that you are a person too, right? You have so much to offer, and anyone who wouldn't do anything isn't good enough. I would bet that Conrad would do almost anything for you. If he loves you as much as he says he does, he will always be there for you... with whatever you need." Cat released him but kept eye contact. She smiled kindly and rested her elbow against the back of the couch. "Why can't you see just how amazing you are? You have to be the only one on earth that really doesn't see it. You are unique. Sure, you have flaws, but that makes you human. You are not a plaything for the media or the Committee. You are the father of the most beautiful and innocent little baby boy. You have people all over the world that adore you." Cat leaned in to be closer, a special flicker in her eyes. "You can be anything you want. If you want to be with Con forever, then do it. Whatever it takes. You could give up your right to the throne, if you think Con won't. I guarantee that no one will stop you. The people love you, if you say that you are giving up the throne for love, they will let you. The Committee is powerful, but they will listen to the people to keep the peace. Guaranteed. How do you think they stopped the revolution in Italy with only two deaths?" Cat leaned back and took her ponytail down, her brown locks fell around her face and she ran her fingers through it.
Cat remembered hearing about her parents death... The Committee had been too slow to save them, but the people had needed new government, and they believed in her brother... Liam was beloved of the people, and they would understand if he gave up the throne. Someone beloved of the people could do anything... Cat sighed, she didn't know how some people didn't see it. The Royals weren't slaves to the throne, they had just been raised that way. Cat glanced at her coffee table, thinking about the secret reports she kept there. She was so close to abolishing the Committee once and for all... and no one expected it from the Princess of Italy. If she didn't think about the loss of her parents... then she would call the Revolution in Italy a success... Cat tried to bring her thoughts back to the present... she couldn't let her thoughts go there... She had to stay out of it as much as possible...
Alan Nickolas Yvan - December 28, 2011 03:42 AM (GMT)
Alan sat next to Cat, he was trying to not get emotional, but when it came to Conrad... Alan just couldn't help it. Conrad had been there for him long before they even went to the academy. Conrad and him were... they were soul-mates and things were not going well right now. In fact, they had been fighting, fighting about everything. Conrad had left and they weren't an item anymore. Conrad brought him roses but then assumed him of not loving Conrad. Alan was so broken and Conrad wasn't helping one bit. Alan knew deep down that he was not going to have a fairy-tale ending, that he was going to end up watching Conrad take the throne and he'd be stuck... stuck wherever he was placed. His mother was trying to get Alan out of the marriage, she was doing a good job too. She brought up the fact that Alan was unstable and couldn't handle marriage or the throne, that cat could handle things just fine with Matt and Lukas's help. The committee believed her but was unsure about the Swiss people, but in truth... the Swiss were heartbroken about everything that happened to Alan, they felt so bad for him and most of the Swiss people would be happy if Alan could go somewhere and hide for the rest of his life, as long as it made him happy. Alan felt Cat pull his head over and when she spoke he felt his throat closing, he knew he was going to cry. He moved his head away, he couldn't look at her, not while he cried. Which he started silently doing. Alan felt the warm tears run down his face and he turned away, he didn't believe her. He couldn't.
All his life he'd been hit over and over again, told he was worthless, that nothing he did was good enough. he was told over and over again that he was worthless and useless and couldn't be perfect or fit enough to be king. He knew nobody cared for him, at least that's what had been engrained into his head since he was very young. It would take a long time for him to get over these feeling of worthlessness and self-consciousness. " I'm sorry... I just... I can't believe you, I know you're right but..." Alan put his face in his hands, he couldn't handle anything right now, and not really having Conrad around to hold him and tell him he's an angel hurt more than anything. Alan sobbed into his hands, " My father just... everyone tells me these things but I always remember the things he did and I can't... I can't get what he says out of my head. I'm just so pathetic... no wonder Conrad doesn't care anymore..." Alan sobbed even harder then, just thinking about Conrad becoming king and leaving Alan behind made Alan's heart more than he could ever explain.