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Posted: Oct 21 2010, 11:57 PM
The Luther Burger
Group: Super Members
Member No.: 158
Joined: 13-January 06
[Cut to a pastel hued, hospital room, as drab and depressing in decor as it is thoroughly sterilized. Clearly unhappy to be confined to this hospital bed is the one and only Rick Marley. He's in a sour mood, and probably planning Rob Cole's untimely demise. However, these Machiavellian designs are interrupted by a disquieting, gravelly whisper.]
Voice: How do you like UNIVERSAL Healthcare so far, _cousin_?
[Yeah, it's Perry Fontana, comfortably laid back in the visitor's chair next to the bed, taking another bite into an apple.]
Fontana: Seems the _death_ PANEL deems you _WORTHY_ … so you can't criticize the system, now, can you?
[Marley turns to look at his uninvited interlocutor.]
RM: Is that a joke?
[Fontana doesn't answer. He looks at his apple, then back at the WMI leader.]
Fontana: Want an apple?
RM: Nope. I want an explanation.
Fontana: I also have a _pomegranate_! Would you rather have that?
RM: Explain or end up in traction. What do you want?
[That's another question the Everlasting One neglects to answer.]
Fontana: So these days Widowmakers INC is _one_ HAPPY _FAMILY_, HUH?
[The bedsheets get sprayed with a mist of spit an apple chunks.]
RM: Everything is fine with WMI.
Fontana: Evidemment que tout va bien! I'm _learning_ a LOT about FAMIGLIA myself! Aaahh ouais!
RM: I'll bet.
Fontana: My _brother_ TOM and _me_, sometimes... it can _look_ like we DISLIKE each other, RICK. But he's my BROTHER, now, and I _love_ him. And HE _loves_ ME, cousin!
RM: A real touching story. I may cry...real tears...
Fontana: Point is, I _know_ what you mean when you say everything is _fine_ in WMI, Rick.
RM: Do you have a death wish? What the hell is your problem? You miss Lester that much that you want to join him?
[That, it seems, makes Fontana laugh heartily.]
Fontana: Ha! Ha! Ha! A _DEATH_ wish? Yes, I guess you could view this as a _problem_. After all, *I* am the _man_ that _tea_bagged_ DEATH after I PWN'D HIM not once, not _twice_, but SIX! _TIMES!_ … Immortality is a problem, but that's not the problem I'd see _you_ about.
[Fontana takes another crunchy bite off his apple and chews contemplatively, juices dripping down from his dimpled chin.]
Fontana: The problem that brings me here, Rick, is that *I* _can't_ be TWO places at _once_! *I* can't, but _he_ can.
RM: What are you talking about?
Fontana: Masked Maniac is a _dear_ *friend* of mine, Rick. C'est mon meilleur ami. But my best friend, he's not where he belongs. He found the _door_ to the _big_ BOY'S _CLUB_ but he _doesn't_ KNOW the SECRET HANDSHAKE!
[It sprays everywhere. Really, it's a relief he's not eating the pomegranate yet. That stuff leaves some resilient stains behind...]
Fontana: He's IN over his _HEAD_! Aaaahhh, ouais... but he doesn't understand it yet, cousin. He needs to understand clearly that wrestling isn't his destiny. It's for his own good, Rick.
RM: Well, good luck with that. As you can probably guess by where we're talking, I'm a bit busy at the moment. Try Mercenary. I hear he's taking cases...
Fontana: I've no money to give that person. Besides, if he was _trustworthy_, he'd still be in WMI, now wouldn't he?
[Le Phenix takes the last bite out of his apple, then casually throws the remaining core into a nearby bedpan (an empty one, thank goodness!)]
Fontana: Speaking of... I notice that your WMI famiglia isn't here with you. Meanwhile... I could be making romantic love to my beautiful wife, or at least playing internet checkers... but instead I'm here with you, cousin. You sure you don't want that pomegranate?
RM: Yes I'm sure.
Fontana: I'm not here because I _like_ you, Rick. I don't.
RM: Thank God for that.
Fontana: Don't be so quick to thank me, Rick. That _title_ you'll be taking from Cole? ... I've _broken_ ARMS off for LESS, cousin! Aaaahh ouais!
RM: On the scale of people I'm worried about right now, Perry, you rank somewhere between that kid from Family Matters and Alex Martinez's gym bag. My kids will be retired before you're in the title picture...and I don't have any yet.
Fontana: Awww... it's no surprise to find you in a place like this when you're that _blind_ to the inevitable. Taking the _title_ would be more FUN if you _saw_ it COMING, but either way... You just see a long list of names before mine appears, and you're simply not _tall_ enough to see past all those bobbing heads. But that LONG _list_ of NAMES is getting _shorter_ and SHORTER, one _arm_ at a TIME, cousin! No, Rick, I'm _not_ here out of DEVOTION! I'm _here_ because I think we can _help_ each other.
RM: This'll be rich... You think you can help ME?
Fontana: Did you not voice your _desire_ to see WMI hold all PVW titles? To accomplish this, one of your friends would need to take _my_ championship, the one Maniac stole.
RM: Not gonna be an issue.
Fontana: If I _chose_ not to RECLAIM it, one of your men would surely win it... _eventually_. But _before_ YEAR's *END*? [Before the cloud of spittle can settle, the Italian-French-Canadian continues.] There's no _rhyme_ or REASON to the _championship_ committee's DECISIONS! Who knows how LONG it could take them to _realize_ the Widowmakers deserve a _shot?_.
RM: We know how the game works, and we always end up getting what we want.
We pay our debts, remember, Perry?
Fontana: I wouldn't know. Just saying that if WMI does what *I* _want_, you can
have that title shot _RIGHT!_NOW!!_ … at _Rise_ from the ASHES!
RM: Is that so? Now you have my attention...
Fontana: After seeing the _FARCE_ that took place at Tradition IV, PVW offices kindly sent me a rematch contract. It has the time, the place, the setting, the stipulations, the defending champion... all that's left to do is fill in the _challenger's_ NAME and you have a VALID CONTRACT!
[Il Eterno bends down to shuffle into a bag. He takes out a brown manila envelope, and another document; an official Rise from the Ashes II Network championship match contract.]
Fontana: See, this contract? It can become WMI's. It's _all_ yours if you do me one! _Small!_ FAVOUR!
RM: I'm listening...
Fontana: Everything WMI needs is in this _envelope_. [He places the manila envelope on Marley's bed.] Everything I know about my _best_ FRIEND.... is in _here_. Every _SECRET_. Everything you need to know, everything you need to do, it's in there. In time, my BEST _friend_ will _thank_ me.
[Finally, Fontana takes a ripe pomegranate out of his bag, and rises from the visitor's chair.]
Fontana: And if I _enjoy_ what WMI does on Showcase... you _get_ THIS! [He waves the contract and turns to leave.]
RM: Then I guess you probably have yourself a deal. But... why would you give up your rematch?
[At the door frame, "Deathless" Perry Fontana stops and turns.]
Fontana: La _famiglia_ viene PRIMA! Family comes first, and family commitments force me to plant a few more seeds like this one. Besides, I believe this small _favour_ is... _worth_ it. It's all in the envelope.
[As Mr. Called Shot opens the envelope, Fontana disappears, his gravelly screams echoing in the hospital corridors.]
Fontana (off screen): ADDIO, temporaneamente PARASSITA _utile!_
RM: Glad we could do business... freak... and if you don't come through on the payment... we take it out of your hide...