War Cries #8

[RedRajah]

["Zoo Station" by U2 cues up as images of action by Kenzer Empire Wrestling's finest flash upon the screen.



KEW PRESENTS...WAR CRIES!!!



Slow dissolve from the graphics as we fade up into our modest studio. As always behind the desk is our host "Big" Al Lieberman, who is thankfully NOT dressed in a Lebron James Cleveland Cavaliers Jersey. Wardrobe won that fight.]

BAL: HELLO CLEVELAND!

[pause]

BAL: I always wanted to say that. [He grins] Welcome again to War Cries, KEW fans! I'm "Big" Al Lieberman and we are on the eve of Kenzer Empire Wrestling's FIRST ever Pay Per View at COLD WAR RISING!! Commissioner White unveiled all the details at East Lansing, Michigan last month and it'll all come to pass at the Quicken Arena in Cleveland, Ohio!

[Al coughs]

BAL: The Commissioner announced that a Battle Royale will take place in order to determine who would be one the Number One contenders to the KEW Heavyweight title. One of those competitors will be Akiruu Belathiel. Things didn't go so well for her and her brother Jrollins in Michigan as they faced the makeshift tag team of NightDruid and her personal nemesis "Mr. Bollywood" Ravi Kapoor. Indeed, it looks like there's some family problems going on...something the Elf Maiden doesn't seem to want to talk about...

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

AKIRUU BELATHIEL

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

[Akiruu steps in front of the camera. As soon as the interviewer speaks up she says..]

AB: Shut up! I don't want to answer no questions. I have a few things to straighten here and now! Ravi, you didn't beat me. My brother beat me, NightDruid beat me, but all you did was hide your coward [BLEEP!] away. That is all you are good for is hiding and talking. I have seen no talent from you...well that isn't true. You sure do have a talent for running your mouth. But as far as wrestling, you have NOTHING! Come Cold War Rising I will show you who will be the last WRESTLER standing. I have the talent, you have the mouth and I am going to shut that mouth of yours once and for all!!

[She throws down the microphone and storms off. Cut back to Al in the studio.]

BAL: Yikes. Akiruu may be focused on Kapoor, but she can't forget that there'll be eleven other wrestlers to deal with! And with the order determined by the luck of the draw, anything goes! Meanwhile, her brother Jrollins and his fellow Firewalker Dam have their hands full with the Seven Tables of Fear match for the KEW Tag Team belts against Legion!

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

JROLLINS

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

JR: For a long time now I have been holding somewhat of a grudge for Legion putting me in the hospital. But come Cold War rising that grudge is going to be laid to rest as will Brimstone and NightDruid.

A long time I have thought on what I am going to do. Should I get revenge or show the fans and the world what kind of wrestling talent that Firewalkers really are. At Cold War Rising there is the chance to do both. It is a 7 Tables of Fear match. This is the match that will not only put tag gold around the Firewalkers' waist but will show that Legion is over."

"The cleansing fire of Dam and Jrollins will wash over Legion like nothing else ever has. And we will come out on top. And hopefully Brimstone and NightDruid have plans for solo careers because after Cold War Rising they will never want to step foot back into a KEW ring again!

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

DAM

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

[Camera opens on "Big" Al Lieberman walking in the arena corridors.]

BAL: Man, where is he? Security said he was around here.

[Camera finally catches sight of Al's "target". Dam is chatting with a pair of female fans, laughing and signing their shirts.]

BAL: Dam, you got time to answer some questions?

Dam: Al, sure. Just need a quick favor.

BAL: What do you need?

[Dam hands Al a camera.]

Dam: These lovely ladies would like their picture taken with their favourite wrestler, but we couldn't take it, since both wanted to be in the picture.

[Al takes a few shots of the Dam posing with the fans, who then leave, whispiring about "he is so dreamy", obviously not referring to BAL.]

Dam: Don't forget, Quicken Arena, if you're in Cleveland.

BAL: Dam, the questions?

Dam: Huh, oh yeah. Oh, wait a sec, gotta get something.

[Dam heads out of sight. He returns, carrying a 3-foot long brick with him.]

BAL: What is THAT?

Dam: This? Oh, nothing...

[Dam whacks Al over the head with the brick, which surprisingly, bounces gently off Al's head.]

BAL: What the...? Foam?

Dam: Well, duh. Not sure Commissioner White would have high praise for me if I clocked you over the head with an actual brick, now would she?

BAL: I imagine she'd not be happy, no. So what is that thing supposed to be?

Dam: This? Al, my friend, it's called merchandising. Rook's fans got their K.E.W.L. shirts, I felt like I should have something that would identify Dam fans from the crowd.

BAL: A foam brick?

Dam: Goes with my finisher, and you DO remember what I've been telling most opponents?

BAL (thinking for a moment): Oh, yeah, that.

Dam: Indeed. And there is something I'd like to request of the KEW fans. I like it when you chant my name, I mean who wouldn't? I makes me feel honoured and appreciated that you have taken a liking to me. But I'd like to hear the chant "Brick! Brick! Brick!" start to fill out the arenas from now on. Whenever you (points straight at the camera) feel like I might need some encouragement or you can sense Dam Builder coming, or if you just want to irritate my opponent, or Phil (Dam chuckles), just start a "Brick!" chant.

Now, I wouldn't be making a request if I didn't offer something in return. Cold War Rising will come to you from the Quicken Arena in Cleveland. And I announce that the first 500 fans there will receive one of these (lifts up the brick) with a personalized autograph. Just as a show of my appreciation to all your support.

BAL: Um, well, that sounds like a grand gesture, but I came here to talk about the tag title match.

[Dam's mood changes notably. Whereas before he was smiling and humorous, he is now grim and brooding.]

BAL: Well, I'm sure the KEW fans would like to know, so close to the actual event, your thoughts.

Dam: I can safely say that the time has finally come. Firewalkers have their date with destiny and only the Legion stands in our way. For too long have we had to endure their attacks, plots and what-have-yous, and not be able to make them pay. But at Cold War Rising, all of that will change. It will be the Legion, who shall taste the fullness of their plans come to fruition. They had hoped to rob us of our fighting spirit, this has not happened. They meant to intimidate us, they have not succeeded. They thought to become the KEW tag team champions, this WILL not happen!

BAL (appearing a bit nervous now): Um, er, you know though that the match will be a table match, pinfalls and submissions don't count?

Dam: Yes, I know this well. For me this will be a first. JR has experience, as does Brimstone. NigthDruid, well, he's into all that pain, so I'm certain he will relish the opportunity. On the surface, I suppose it might seem as if this setting would favor the Legion, yet there is not truth in that assumption.

BAL: Why not?

Dam: For one, heart. We will fight to the last beat, whereas the Legion will run, like a dog with its tail between its legs, if things do not go their way. For another, Quicken Arena will not let us. They will make such a noise in support of the Firewalkers, that the city has not ever been raised to such a state of frenzy!

BAL: But, still, you're well-known for you technical skills, not so much for your brawling...

Dam: Yes, that is true. But will NightDruid's high-flying aid him either? Only by putting an opponent through tables at least 4 times can you win. Hopping off ring ropes won't get the accomplished either. And while we're talking about ND, let me make one thing perfectly clear:

Druid, you will be just another brick in the wall. You will TAP to the Dam Builder.

BAL: Um, Dam, I don't se...

Dam: Yes, Al, it will not count towards the stipulation of this match, but it will be a statement, not only for ND and Legion for this match, but also for the future. Do not mess with the Firewalkers. 'Cos if you want a fight, we will not back down from one.

What more do I have to say about this match? I will not go back on my claim that the Firewalkers will be the first ever KEW tag team champions. The format of this match might seem to favor our opponents, but I also know this, if we can come through this, our toughest and what I believe to be, our bloodiest battle, triumphant, we will know we can compete with any team in any format. If the tag titles were up for grabs in a regular 1-fall to a finish match, there would be no question as to the winner. No-DQs will certainly play right into the Legion's plans, but they have not yet faced the likes of us, unforgiving, unrelenting, unwilling to give up!

BAL: At the last Lion's Den, you teamed with Brim...

Dam: Don't remind me. I've barely now gotten the stench off my gear.

BAL: But did you do any scouting while in the match?

Dam: Scouting? There is very little scouting when it comes to Brimstone. Remember, I've wrestled against him twice now. He's big, smelly and strong. JR and I have had a few discussions about how to deal with him. ND isn't as big of a deal, as either one of us can handle him by ourselves. But I do certainly hope that I will be the one to punish him, after all I should have first dibs on that scumbag.

You know, the hardest part about these past months has been the "no-physical contact" clause. Not getting to make the Legion pay. But in Cleveland, in just a few days time, all that will change.

[Dam turns to straight into the camera.]

Dam: And not only will we get to fight them and win the tag titles, we also get to bust them through tables! I can just hear it now, the ruckus of the the crowd as we pound the Legion into submission, as our hands are raised in victory! A truly legendary moment for the annals of KEW! Undeniable evidence that good guys do not always finish last! Cleveland will witness history in the making!

[Having made a statement, Dam looks at Al for a moment, then turns away and marches down the corridor, disappearing from the camera soon after. Camera fades back to Al in the studio.]

BAL: Dam seems determined and confident, not only that the Firewalkers will be the tag champions, but also that he personally, will make NightDruid tap before the night is over in the Quicken Arena. Tune in for that folks, I have a feeling, this one will be one for the ages!

[He clears his throat]

BAL: Another match that looks to be an epic fight is the one between Gamma Ray and Rook! Last Lion's Den, it looked like Gamma Ray was finally on the straight and narrow as he seemingly worked together with Rook when they faced the Taylor Twins. Unfortunately, it was all a scheme cooked up by Gamma Ray and he took advantage of the fact that Rook couldn't attack him to take out his aggressions on Jimmy Taylor, draping a Rook mask on him at the end to hammer the point home. Due to that heinous assault, Commissioner White made this a Mask Versus Mask match! Not only that, but the winner will also be our other Number One contender to the KEW Heavyweight title!

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

ROOK

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

[Outside: camera shot of a street corner with a freshly painted two-story brick building with a large new neon sign over the entrance saying "Toro's Gym -Home of KEW Wrestler Rook. A sign hangs over the front door saying, Closed to Public until Further Notice. ]

Big Al (voice over): Welcome KEW fans to the familiar local here in sunny Southern California!

Hello KEW fans! I'm "Big" Al Lieberman! We're coming to you from Toro's Gym, the home gym of KEW's dynamic luchador, Rook!

[Camera pans the interior revealing an empty gym. No masked wrestlers, newly installed weight equipment sit unused, nearly spotless wrestling mats show small amounts of dust , and brand new punching bags hang idle. The camera makes its way back to Big Al and the now visible Rook, who is standing next to Al with arms crossed over his chest.]

BAL: Once again Rook, thanks for having me and the KEW fans back.

Rook: Es mi Al del placer. Glad to have you and the fans.

BAL: Let's get right to it Rook. The question burning up the KEW message boards is, Did Rook really think Gamma Ray could change? Did you? I know for a few minutes I believed, but did he fool you as well?

Rook: I hate to admit it, but si. He did. I knew going into the match I was going to have to be careful, but when GR showed he was wearing a KEWL t-shirt, I let my guard down. In return I let the fans down.

BAL: Don't be so hard on yourself Rook. Even Phil fell for it and you know what kind of cynic he is.

Rook: Verdad, but it doesn't mean I'm not mad about it. The guy was even wearing one of my masks! I was blown away.

BAL: So why did you trust him? After all he has done to you and your family. Why would you trust him?

Rook: I was raised to believe in the best in people. The way I figured it, GR just hadn't been given a chance. A chance to see what it was like to be on my side of the aisle. That's why I tried to show him the respect an honorable wrestler deserved. I thought he deserved that second chance after the match he won in November.

BAL: A second chance?

Rook: Si, a second. And that's what I gave him and for 10 minutes he had everything he wanted but threw it all away because of his hatred for me.

BAL: What do you mean, 'everything he wanted?

Rook: GR has always said he wanted me as his sidekick, a partner. What a perfect opportunity to see what it would be like to be a team. Not as a hero and sidekick but a team. We worked like a well oiled machine together. Our strengths complimented each other perfectly and if it wasn't for my knee injury we could have beaten the Twins in no time. No disrespect, Taylors, I'm just saying.

BAL: By the way Rook. I know Gamma is giving me the credit for that vicious attack on Jimmy Taylor, but I never imagined my comparison of you and he would have been twisted like that.

Rook: No reason to blame yourself Al. GR is a sick and sad little man. He had the fans behind him up to that point.

BAL: Absolutely, the fans actually were cheering for Gamma Ray. I never thought I would see the day. I thought I was in some Bizzaro world.

Rook: No Al, not a Bizzaro world, just a world where GR could have been the hero to the people he always wanted to be. But he decided to turn his back on that world. He betrayed the fans, he betrayed me and he betrayed himself. He decided that his hatred for me was more important than any of his previous dreams. You know what Gamma Ray? I used to pity you. I used to think that if you were given a fair shake you would rise above this petty jealousy and envy. But NO! You have taken every opportunity to excel in this sport and spat on it, Gamma Ray. You don't deserve my pity. You don't deserve to be the #1 seed for the KEW Championship belt and you sure as hell don't deserve to wear that mask! I don't know why you have targeted me and I don't care. I do know one thing about you however.

BAL: and that is?

Rook: The only thing GR cares more about than having me kicked out of the KEW is his secret identity and at Cold War Rising, his mask will come off and his identity will be known to the world. Do you hear me, Gamma Ray? Do you understand that your world is about to be shattered? Your delusional dream that you are a superhero is about to go up in smoke! Your day is over!

AL: Thanks Rook, good luck to you at Cold War Rising.

Rook: Gracias Al Gigante.

BAL: From Sunny Southern California, I'm Al Gigante!

[Pan back to Al at his desk.]

BAL: Jimmy Taylor appears to have recovered from that attack and both he and his brother Jack will also be competing in the Battle Royale at Cold War Rising. Let's hear from them!

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

THE TAYLOR TWINS

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

[Fade to the front of a vehicle... we can see the passengers through the windshield, through the magic of... well, the camera angle, I suppose.

Anyway, driving the vehicle would be none other than Jack Taylor. And where Jack goes, there's a good bet Jimmy is with him...

...and so he is, seated in the passenger seat. And although it looks like we're just peering through the windshield, through the magic of... well, magic, I guess... we can hear every word Jimmy is saying.

And as you might have figured, he's talking until the cows comes home.]

Jimmy: ...and then Gamma Ray has the nerve to keep smacking that microphone over my head... who does he think he is using me to make an example of Rook... and what in the world did Rook ever do to him, anyway? Rook was a nice enough guy... at least the fans seem to like him and if the fans like him, well, he's gotta be a nice guy... but what's the deal with what Gamma Ray is trying to pull with me? Or with you, Jack? Some superhero he claims to be... I've read enough comic books to know that a superhero doesn't go around causing problems, he solves them... looks like I may need to do my best superhero impression and solve a problem myself, you know what I'm saying, Jack?

[Jack turns to his brother for a moment.]

Jack: Well... yeah...

[And says very little, while Jimmy knows nothing of saying very little.]

Jimmy: Of course you do... you've been through everything with me, you know what I'm talking about! Gamma Ray thinks he's just gonna pound me upside the noggin and just get away with it... no way, no way, no way at all! Certainly I hope Rook teaches him a lesson and sends him back to superhero school to learn his proper role and all that jazz, but in the meantime, you bet I'm gonna settle things with him! No deed like that is gonna go unpunished, it's just not the Taylor way! And I'm sure Rook will understand that I gotta do what I gotta do, just like he's gotta do what he's gotta do... right, Jack? You know I'm right, don't you?

[Jack turns the wheel, apparently the car is turning a corner.]

Jack: Um... well, there is... this... battle... royale...

[Jack pauses, as if unsure what to say.

Jimmy never has that problem.]

Jimmy: Battle royale? Yeah, I heard about the battle royale they want us to be part of... don't ask me why they have us in there, we're not about the one-on-one stuff, we're about being a team, you and me have always been together, always will be together, and that's how it's gonna be. But, I suppose, since we've been asked to take part, we better take part. I just don't know what's gonna happen if it comes down to you and me, you know what I'm saying? You've got the size advantage on me, but then again, you wouldn't just toss me out of the ring... you're my brother! I mean... you wouldn't toss me out of the ring, right?

[Jack pauses, again seemingly unsure what to say.]

Jack: Um... it... may not... be... you know... us at the...

[He pauses again... a long pause.]

Jack: at the... um... same time...

[He pauses again...

...and that gives Jimmy an opening.]

Jimmy: You know, Jack, I never thought about that... what does happen if we aren't in the ring at the same time... I mean, it's always been you and me, like I said, and what's gonna happen if it can't be you and me? I guess we may have to figure out our own game plans, somehow, some way... maybe we will be fortunate enough to be together most of the time, though... and then that's gonna give us an advantage! The only thing is, though, is what happens if one of us does win... we're supposed to be a team, but then we'd be having to go solo... you think we'd be able to hang by ourselves? I mean, my mind's going round in circles just thinking about it...

[And I suppose your minds are going round in circles from Jimmy's non-stop chatter...

...so now is a good time to fade out. Cue back to Big Al.]

BAL: Folks, we heard earlier from Jrollins and Dam. Here's their opponents for the Seven Tables of Fear match, Legion!

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

LEGION

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

[The scene opens up on a large poster of a tropical island. A couple sits in deck chairs on the beach, sharing some sort of beverage. Across the top reads, "Legion Air, We'll fly you anywhere". The camera pans out and we see NightDruid sitting behind a desk calmly tapping away at a computer. He's dressed in a smart aqua golf shirt, on the right breast, a golden name tag adorns him. It says "Steve" and below that "Ass Kickin' Travels". He looks up as a bell rings and two little people come into the room. One is dressed as Jrollins and the other as Dam.]

Lil' Jrollins: We need a flight out of here, fast as you can make it.

Lil' Dam: YEAH! We need a flight out of here, fast as you can make it.

NightDruid: Welcome Ass Kickin' Travels, My name is Steve. Let me see what I can do to help you. We're kind of booked up..[tap tap tap]

[Both the look-alikes glance around nervously]

NightDruid: You seem to be in such a hurry, why so? You owe some gangsters some money?

Lil' Jrollins: We wish.

Lil' Dam: Yeah, we wish.

Nightdruid: Going on the lam? We can't be party to any criminal activities you know..

Lil' Jrollins: Nah, we already tried to get into jail but they won't arrest us. Jail would be safer for us.

Lil' Dam: Yeah, we already tried to get into jail but they won't arrest us. Jail would be safer for us.

[A car goes by and honks its horn, Lil' Dam screams and jumps into Lil' Jrollins's arms. Jrollins promptly drops him and hides behind a filing cabinet. Lil' Dam quickly jumps up and does same thing, hiding behind Lil' J"

Lil' Jrollins: Can we speed this up?

Lil' Dam: Yeah, speed this up?

NightDruid: Our computer is running kind of slow today..[tap tap tap] I have a flight to Utah?

Lil' Jrollins: Not far enough, we need out of the country South America at least, preferably somewhere across an ocean.

Lil' Dam: Yeah, across an ocean, South America at the least. That's not near far enough.

Lil' Jrollins: Hey, don't paraphrase!

Lil' Dam: Yeah Don't...Sorry Boss.

Night Druid [sighs heavily]: Okay let's see [tap tap tap] Seriously though is Homeland Security after you?

Lil' Jrollins: Nah, we would quickly turn ourselves over to them, we're in more serious trouble.

Lil' Dam: Yeah, we'd quickly turn ourselves over to them, we're in more serious trouble.

[A car pulls up to the front of the building and stops. Lil' Dam and Lil' Jrollins start trying to hide behind each other, and eventually fall over each other and end up hiding behind "Steve's" desk"]

NightDruid: C'mon get out from behind there, you're going to mess up my computer...

Lil' Jrollins: We're not coming out.

Lil' Dam: Yeah! We're not coming out.

NightDruid: If you mess up my computer, I can't book you anywhere. [tap tap tap]

Lil' Jrollins [hits Lil' Dam, and moves out from behind the desk ] Stop trying to mess up his computer! You want us to have to stay here?!?

Lil' Dam: Sorry Boss!

[NightDruid looks up and waves to someone coming in. Brimstone enters the room wearing the same shirt as NightDruid but with a nametag that says "Barry" on it]

Brimstone: Hey Steve, how's it going?

NightDruid: I'm having trouble finding a trip for these two. They're trying to skip town, they're on the run from something

Lil' Jrollins: The kind of thing we don't want to catch us.

Lil' Dam: Yeah, the kind of thing we don't want to catch us.

Brimstone: Have you tried bookin' a flight to our honeymoon spot.

Lil' Jrollins:[pulls out a blonde wig from his bag] Put this wig on!

Lil' Dam: [quickly don's the blonde wig] Yeah, put this wig on.

Night Druid: I don't know, it's to a very dangerous place. The Sudan, you'll be going on wild safaris. There's been a lot of Lion attacks in that area as well. Not to mention criminal poachers, kidnappers, Scarlet Fever, locusts, army ants, near famine conditions, and smog.

Lil' Firewalkers: WE'LL TAKE IT!

[Nightdruid taps away at his computer, while Brimstone starts stretching his arms and yawning. The printer comes to life loudly, which once again makes the Lil' Firewalkers jump and try and find a new hiding place, this time behind the large girth of Brimstone. Nightdruid quickly removes the papers from the printer, stamps them all where appropriate and hands them to Brimstone.]

NightDruid: So what are you guys running from anyway?

Lil' Jrollins: We're getting the hell out of here. We've got a 7 Table of Fear match with Legion, we'd rather be anywhere else!

Lil' Dam: Yeah! We're getting the hell out of here. We've got a 7 Table of Fear match with Legion, we'd rather be anywhere else!

Brimstone [after looking at the papers]: Welp everything is orders here, are you two "Honeymooners" ready for your flight?

Lil' FireWalkers: The sooner the better!

[Brimstone reaches down and grabs Lil' Jrollins, spins around once, and launches him straight through the front window. A large crash can be heard and a muffled scream of "WHEEEE!!!" He does the same for Lil' Dam, but with out the spin and just tosses him straight out. As he flies off though he screams "YEAH! WHEEEE!!!".

Brimstone: Thank you for flying Legion Air.

NightDruid: and thanks for using Ass Kickin' Travels. We'll kick your ass anywhere in the world.

[Cue Al, shaking his head grimly.]

BAL: I don't know if this is just another mind game by Legion or not, but if they don't take the Firewalkers seriously, they'll be sorry in the end! Both NightDruid and Brimstone have a lot to answer for, given what they've done to Jrollins and Dam both in AND out of the ring!

[Big Al suddenly looks sheepish]

BAL: Folks, we're going to end tonight with an interview with Gamma Ray I did a couple of days ago. It looks like that caped clown was scouting out Cleveland and-- well, see for yourselves!

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

GAMMA RAY

*W*A*R*C*R*I*E*S*

[A seemingly endless mass of blackness covers the screen, only sometimes interrupted by the odd clutter of shiny white dots. As the camera pans down from the starlight night sky, the city of Cleveland appears below, brought to life by multicolored neons, street lamps, headlights and the few lit windows of houses, clubs and office buildings. Off camera, loud huffing and puffing can be heard, and finally, "Big" Al Lieberman appears, sweating and out of breath.]

BAL: Good evening [wheeze]! I'm here, [gasp] atop the Terminal Tower in Cleveland [huff]! It offers an [choke] an incomparable view of the city. [Deep breath] But, uh... it seems the elevators are out of order.

[BAL grasps his jacket and leans on the observation deck's railing, exhausted.]

BAL: I'm [gasp] I'm supposed to meet with the KEW's only "superhero," Gamma Ray, but... well, I seem to be alone up here. So... uh... let me remind everyone that Gamma Ray is set to face Rook in an extremely important match at Cold War Rising! Not only are they battling for a shot at the KEW Heavyweight Championship, they are also contending for the right to keep their mask! [coughs] It's a Mask VS Mask match where the winner gets a chance at gold, and where the loser truly becomes a... loser. Since, um, to win the match, you have to remove your opponent's mask. No count outs, no disqualifications, it a do what you have to do to get that mask off type of
deal.

[Awkward pause]

BAL: Look. I'm not so great at improvising stuff, I'm good at interviewing people, it's what I do. Gamma Ray's supposed to be here! Where is he? If I can climb a few hundred flights of stairs, why can't he?

GR: The elevators worked just fine for me, Lieberman.

BAL: [Jumps] GHAAH! Gamma Ray? Where are you?

GR: I'm right here, Lieberman.

BAL: But... I can't see you anywhere!

GR: You're not supposed to, Lieberman.

BAL: But I've got a bone to pick with you! Blaming me for your assault on Jimmy Taylor?? That was not cool! Not cool at all!

GR: That's not important, Lieberman.

BAL: Not important?? I have a reputation to maintain, here!

GR: That's still not important, Lieberman.

BAL: Oh yeah? What IS important, then?

GR: My match at Cold War Rising, Lieberman.

BAL: Well, sure, with a win you'd have a fifty-fifty shot at becoming the first KEW Champ!

GR: You're missing the point, Lieberman.

BAL: Stop ending all of your sentences with my last name, it's creepy!

GR: Can you imagine a world without me, Lieberman?

BAL: You're talking about a world called Utopian Paradise, aren't you? Where are you? This is getting annoying, now!

GR: Utopian paradise for vile criminals and evil souls, absolutely. Should I lose my mask, the America you know and love will cease to exist. Without my mask, there is no Gamma Ray. And without Gamma Ray, our country would be absolutely defenseless, Lieberman!

BAL: Oh, come on! We pretty much have the best police forces in the world, and our armed forces? America has always taken care of itself, don't tell me that your mask is more important than KEW Championship gold!

GR: [chuckles in the dark] Heh! Don't worry, I will have both. You're looking at the future KEW Heavyweight Champion, Lieberman.

BAL: No I'm not. I can't see you!

GR: Whatever. There's absolutely no chance that Rook can remove my mask. I'll make sure of that, Lieberman. But we were supposed to have a "Loser Leaves KEW" match, not some dangerous Mask VS Mask match! I'm disappointed that I won't be rid of Rook forever, Lieberman. I'm disappointed that when it's all said and done, Rook will still be there, like nothing ever happened!

BAL: Are you kidding? Losing his mask is the worst thing that could even happen to Rook!

GR: Oh, please, Lieberman! It wouldn't accomplish anything!

BAL: Don't you know how SACRED masks are to the true Luchadors? You can't be a real Luchador without your mask, but it gets even worse if you lose it!

GR: Really?

BAL: Have you ever heard of El Diablo Rojo?

GR: Of course not.

BAL: Well, down in Mexico, El Diablo Rojo had been a longtime reigning champion. A true Luchador through and through. People take wrestling very seriously down in Mexico. He was beloved, glorious, and admired by all... until he lost his mask.

GR: So he lost his mask. Who cares? It's not like he has a secret identity to protect!

BAL: He had much more to lose than that! To a Luchador, losing your mask ends your career! It's not just retirement, though. It's the most shameful, dishonoring way imaginable to end your career. El Diablo Rojo's own family renounced him, and every Mexican shunned him. With no more family, no more friends, and unable to go out in public without being publicly scorned, he turned to alcoholism and died of an alcohol overdose. Some even say it was suicide.

GR: What's your point.

BAL: Rook is a true Luchador as well. If he got fired, he could always find a job in another fed, or be hired back later on. If he lost his mask, however... I don't even want to think about the consequences!

GR: Are you telling me I should have removed his darn mask right off the bat instead of trying to get him fired? That if I had only torn that ugly mask off his misshapen head, Rook would be contemplating suicide while Denizen Daniels and I would be earning ourselves a nice pair of tag championship belts at Cold War Rising?

BAL: Well... Um, I suppose so. Good thing I didn't say anything earlier, huh?

GR: Good thing indeed, Lieberman. Now I'm on my way to becoming the KEW Heavyweight Champion instead!

BAL: Or, you could lose your mask.

[GR finally steps out of the shadows in which he was hidden, suddenly appearing next to BAL]

GR: Rook will never take off my mask. I guarantee it, Lieberman.

BAL: Don't underestimate Rook, now! It has cost you before!

GR: I'm not underestimating him, Lieberman. I now fully realize that Rook isn't just a petty vandal, that he's not just some minion or henchman. He's a full blown villain! At Cold War Rising, the most important match of the night isn't simply a battle for a shot at the Championship, not just a fight for a piece of costume. It's a fight where America's very survival is at stake! THE FINAL CLASH BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL, Lieberman! When all hope seems lost, when the fate of the world hangs by a thread, who saves the day?

BAL: Uh....

GR: The SUPERHERO!!

BAL: Err...

GR: Because Gamma Ray always saves the day, Lieberman. ALWAYS!

[Suddenly, GR steps back and hops over the observation deck's railing.]

BAL: Bweh?!? Did... did he just jump off the Terminal Tower? Did you see that? He jumped off, didn't he? Did he have a parachute? A hand-gliding thing, maybe? Anything! Can you see him, Kenny? I can't see him anymore! Fifty-two floors, Kenny! Can you believe this? The lunatic frikkin' jumped off!! Do you think he can fly? Maybe he can fly... Wait, what am I saying? Nobody can fly! What the hell, Kenny! Oh, man... Oh, CRAP! NOBODY CAN FLY!! CALL AN AMBULANCE, KENNY!

[Now cutting back to BAL behind his War Cries desk. He muffles a quiet cough before speaking again]

BAL: Now, um... as no squashed body was found at the foot of Cleveland's Terminal Tower, our cameraman Kenny and myself received a stern warning against reporting false emergencies. Meanwhile, everyone of us here in KEW and War Cries want to stress that we strongly disapprove of jumping off the Terminal Tower, or any other tower for that matter. While our images seem to show Gamma Ray leaping off a skyscraper, we can only assume that he did not in fact do it. We guess it only looks that way because of poor lighting.

[BAL slightly coughs again.]

BAL: And, we would also like to reassure everyone and point out that it appears Gamma Ray is neither dead or missing. Witnesses have seen him at the Home Depot on Brookpark Road just yesterday, so obviously, he's fine...

[A beat.]

BAL: ...unfortunately. Anyways, see you all in Cleveland for COLD WAR RISING!!!

KENZER EMPIRE WRESTLING 2006

[Flouzemaker]

Stay tuned for COLD WAR RISING, folks!