"GREATNESS PERSONIFIED" JOSHUA BLACK
written by KW
["Dido's Lament" (Techno Remix) starts up over the PA as red smoke starts to billow around the Kenzertron. Red lights start to flash as the Oni begins making his descent down the aisle, ignoring the crowd as he does so. Behind him, the screen plays video clips of his various fights in Hong Kong.]
JT: Definitely a different style than what we're used to seeing in KEW. Phil, your thoughts?
PA: Meh. Chinese guy with a Japanese moniker fighting in a so-called Thai style?! Y'know, my ex-brother-in-law once made the observation that if an Asian restaurant tried to do too many different cuisines, it ended up sucking big time! This guy's gonna be the same.
JT: Can't you keep an open mind for once?!
PA: What, and spoil my perfect track record?
["This Is The New Sh--" by Marilyn Manson cues up over the loudspeakers. A man walks out from the back wearing a black suit and a black shirt with a white tie. He has a thick beard and thick glasses. Next, wearing a tight black leather mini-skirt, a skin tight white shirt that says "Greatness is Here" on the front in black lettering, and black go-go boots, a gorgeous walks out from behind the curtain. Her shoulder length blonde hair is tied back and her outfit definitely shows off her figure.]
PA: Who's the geek? He looks like one of Big Al's long lost cousins!
JT: [checking her notes] That's Joshua Black's manager, Johnny Windham.
PA: Who's the babe?
JT: That would be Heather Black, Joshua's valet...and wife.
[Finally, out from behind the curtain, is "Greatness Personified" Joshua Black. Joshua is wearing a black singlet with "GP" written on the front, and "JB" written on the back, all in yellow lettering. Over the singlet though, he's got a black t-shirt on that reads "Get Ready For Greatness" in yellow lettering. He stands at the entranceway between Johnny and Heather, looks around the crowd smiling, and starts heading to the ring.]
PA: See? Now THAT'S an entrance!
JT: You haven't even seen Black wrestle yet!
PA: Please Jackie, no need to get into minor details like that.
[At ringside, Black climbs the top turnbuckle and gives a cocky thrust of his hands upward, much to the mixed reaction of the Madison crowd. Over in his corner, the Oni just stares at his opponent, seemingly no reaction on his painted face. Black takes off his shirt and tosses it over to his manager. Black and the Oni meet up in the center of the ring as referee Rob Morton stands in between them. After a few tense moments the bell is rung, and the two grapplers lock up. The two men grapple for position and then Black is suddenly taken down with a hiptoss. He quickly kips up, only to be met with a standing dropkick by the Oni. Kip up once more and the Oni swiftly lashes out with a forearm to the head. The third time's not a charm however, and Joshua Black wisely rolls under the ropes and out of the ring, complaining to the referee about his opponent's "illegal tactics" all the while.]
JT: I don't know what Joshua Black is referring to here!
PA: Didn't you see the Oni's closed fist?!
JT: There was no fist involved and you know it, Phil!
[Realizing the ref isn't buying his complaints, Black takes a moment to get his bearings, then starts to climb up to the apron. The Chinese wrestler reaches over to grab his opponent, however Joshua Black is able to ram his shoulder into the Oni's gut! As the Oni doubles over, Black goes up and over with a sunset flip, but his foe is able to kick out before Rob Morton can even count to one.]
JT: Both men getting up now...side headlock by Black and now he's got a chicken wing on the Oni!
[Black suddenly sweeps the legs from the Oni, planting his opponent face first into the mat and keeping the chicken wing cinched in! The ref checks to see if the Oni will give up, but he just grunts and shakes his head no. Rolling his eyes, Black grabs a handful of the Oni's hair and SLAMS his head against the mat with his free hand. But much to the surprise of Black, the Oni starts to bridge up, finally getting to his feet. He drives an elbow into Black's face, and another, and a third, and Black breaks the hold. The Oni comes off the ropes and lands a Thesz Press on Joshua Black! He starts throwing flying fists from both sides into Black's temples!]
PA: C'mon Morton, get in there! Those are closed fists now!
JT: This time I agree, Phil. And Rob Morton's warning the rookie right now and trying to get him to back off!
[Finally, the Oni allows himself to be pulled off. As Black gets himself to his feet, the Oni lashes out with a superkick, but this time his opponent is ready and takes him down with a dragon screw leg whip! Black then drives his boot into the Oni's groin. MALE SYMPATHY POP! The Oni struggles to kick Black off, but Joshua stomps away on his ankle, then follows though with a kneedrop. Black rolls out of the ring, dragging the Oni's leg with him to the steel post, wrapping it around twice. Heel Pop! The Oni manages to kick Black away with his left leg, but gets his leg wrenched onto the apron for his troubles. Morton admonishes Black, who just sneers as he rolls back in.]
JT: Black lifts the Oni up...BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!
[His hands still locked, Joshua Black lifts his opponent again for a second belly to belly...
...and then a third!]
JB: GREATNESS, BITCH!!
JT: He calls that his "Succession of Greatness"!
PA: I can see why!
[Black moves for the pin...
PA: WHAT?! Slow count, Morton!
JT: That was a perfect valid count, Phil! What tenacity this rookie has!
[Of course, Johnny Windham and Heather think it was a slow count as well and they give the ref an earful, who turns to deal with their complaints...
...which gives Joshua Black a chance to choke the Oni on the ropes! HEEL POP!! Morton turns back around, too late, as Black feigns innocence. He picks the Oni up and delivers an atomic drop. He starts to lift the Oni up again for another atomic drop but the Chinese grappler manages to use the momentum to vault over Black 's shoulder and catches him with a forward Russian leg sweep. Crowd pop!]
JT: Elbow drop to the small of Joshua Black's back. He turns Black over and goes for the ropes...MOONSAULT!
[Rob Morton moves into position...
...Johnny Windham jumps on to the apron...
...Rob Morton turns slightly at the distraction...
...THR-- And turns back to see Black's foot now on the ropes!]
JT: Heather Black put that there!
[Indeed, the Oni isn't too happy about that either and stalks over to where Windham is over on the apron, who immediately hops down. The Oni goes after the portly manager, little realizing that Black has gotten back up. Joshua rolls out of the ring and suddenly clips the already injured leg of the Oni. Black bends down to pick his foe up, but the Oni lashes out with a throat strike, then immediately begins peppering Black with elbow strikes.]
JT: Morton's starting to countout both wrestlers and I don't think either one of them cares at this point!
[Well, Black's trying to crawl back in, but the chinlock the Oni has on him right now isn't giving him much breathing room, so to speak. He grabs a handful of hair and drops back down with a wicked looking jawbreaker but his opponent refuses to let go! Again, Black goes for the jawbreaker and this time the Oni's hold is broken. Whipping the Oni towards the steel steps, a panting Black rolls back in...
...a second too late!]
MC: Ladies and gentlemen, this match has been declared as a DOUBLE COUNTOUT!
[The crowd begins to voice their displeasure as Black argues with the referee. However, he immediately stops when the Oni rolls back in with a fight clearly still on his mind! Black exits the ring from the opposite side and begins retreating up the aisle, his manager and valet a half-step behind. After a few moments, a frustrated Oni is persuaded to finally leave the ring as well.]
JT: A disappointing debut for the Oni and Joshua Black.
PA: "Disappointing"?! It was that bonehead Oni who cost BOTH of them the match!
JT: Well, one way or the other, you can be sure the next time these two wrestlers face each other, the outcome will hopefully be more clear-cut. Next up, the rematch you've all been waiting for between Rook and Gamma Ray!
written by Flouzemaker
[Synchronized to the sounds of the Gamma Ray Theme, flash pots explode and fireworks glitter inside the packed Kohl Center, just as Gamma Ray struts down the aisle, posing, showboating and flexing muscles.]
JT: Now here's a guy who's lucky to be wrestling tonight! In my book, he should still be suspended!
PA: Your book wouldn't be published, Jackie! Rook's gonna get exactly what's coming to him tonight, and that's what people want to see!
JT: The good folk of Wisconsin seem to disagree!
PA: Just goes to show how stupid they are!
[Gamma Ray's posing atop the ring posts is suddenly interrupted by the arena's sound system, blaring the line “Cucarachas Enojadas!”]
JT: Ah, here comes a REAL hero!
[Rook jumps on the stage and raises his arms high, sparking cheers and chants in the crowd. But the intensity and determination in his eyes signal he's all about business, tonight. Wasting no more time, he runs straight for Gamma Ray and the ring!]
PA: Looks like he's in a hurry to get his arse handed back to him!
[With great speed, Rook slides under the bottom rope and heads straight for Gamma Ray, who slips out of the ring just as quickly.]
JT: Look at that coward!
PA: He's being smart, that's all!
[Rook slips out of the ring, but Gamma Ray starts running around the ring.]
PA: See, Jackie? That's just smart thinking! He'll tire Rook out before pummeling him!
[Genuine panic can be seen on Gamma Ray's face as he runs to the other side of the ring, Rook following him every inch of the way, even gaining a little ground.]
JT: There's a major flaw in that plan, Phil. I don't recall ever seing a wrestler faster than Rook. Outrunning isn't an option here.
[Suddenly, Gamma Ray dives under the ring apron and starts crawling frantically.]
JT: This is just ridiculous!
PA: No, it... it...
JT: Looks like you can't distort the truth this time, huh?
PA: Distort?!? Oh, no! Watch out Gamma Ray!
[The Superhero's escape attempt is thwarted as Rook finally grabs his feet in an attempt to pull him out from under the ring.]
JT: Ah! I guess we will see some wrestling after all!
[Rook keeps pulling, but it appears Gamma Ray grabbed ahold of something and isn't letting go. As he pulls, Rook now starts kicking at Gamma Ray's legs, and muffled little yelps of pain can be heard.]
JT: This isn't getting anywhere, Phil!
PA: It's all part of Gamma Ray's strategy, Jackie. He's obviously playing mind games here!
[Even referee Curtis O'Brien has his limits, and he begins counting the wrestlers out as the restless crowd starts vocalising their miscontent.]
JT: Now the clock's ticking, and Rook still hasn't dislodged Gamma Ray!
PA: See? See? Brilliant!
[Seing that pulling and kicking isn't helping his cause, Rook bends over and reaches below the apron, crawling under the ring to get at his opponent. Only the men's feet are visible when a loud “WHACK” reverberates throughout the arena!]
JT: What was that!?!
PA: What was what?
[Gamma Ray now crawls out, and pulls Rook out behind him before he shoves the visibly knocked out luchador into the ring.]
PA: Gamma Ray's genius impresses me, Jackie! That's definitely superhero caliber intelligence we're dealing with!
JT: What did he do? Rook's unconscious!
[Gamma Ray climbs back into the ring, wipes his hand and falls atop Rook for the pin. Referee O'Brien drops to his knees and starts the count!]
PA: Oh, it's over now! Ha! Ha!
JT: I can't believe it'll end like this!
[Thr...Rook kicks out!]
JT: Oh thank God!
[Gamma Ray glances at the ref, then punches Rook's head before pulling him up to his feet. He wraps the Californian's arm behind his head and easily raises him up in the air, landing a well executed vertical suplex.]
PA: Just beautiful!
JT: Yeah... Gamma Ray can wrestle. Who knew?
[Rook squirms in pain as he receives a knee drop to the back, and is then again lifted to his feet, only so Gamma Ray can string together a succession of suplexes; double-underhook, t-bone and wheelbarrow suplexes.]
PA: Amazing skill, Jackie admit it!
JT: I admit it, Phil. The man obviously knows his suplexes!
PA: And I think Rook's head bounced on the mat on that last one!
[Gamma Ray kisses his fist, and drops down to the mat, punching Rook's lower back. He then pulls the luchador back to his feet before sending him crashing back down in the middle of the ring in a heavy powerslam! Gamma Ray jumps up to his feet, poses, points to the top turnbuckle and screams “Death Ray Splash!” The crowd loudly jeers him in response.]
PA: And he's a high-flyer too, Jackie! Rook's got nothing on him!
[Slightly wobbling on the tope rope, Gamma Ray turns to the crowd and yells: “I always save the day, you morons!” He then proceeds to flex a few muscles before leaping off in a top rope splash! But Rook suddenly rolls out of the way and Gamma Ray lands flat on the mat with a loud thud!”
JT: Ah-Ha! You can't give Rook this much time to recuperate and expect things to go your way!
PA: Oh, stop it, Jackie! You're so biased!
[On his knees, Gamma Ray clutches his abdomen in pain. Rook runs in the ropes and connects with a low dropkick to the superhero's head. Gamma Ray wobbles off into the corner, fleeing from the pain. Rook seizes his opportunity! He runs across the ring and leaps towards the turnbuckles, landing a most effective corner body press!]
JT: Ooh! That must've hurt!
PA: Like you can really hurt a superhero!
JT: Well, Gamma Ray looks like he's in hell, and Rook is firmly in control of this bout, now!
[After the blow, Gamma Ray stumbles around in the ring, visibly not knowing where he's at anymore. Rook quickly jumps up to the top turnbuckle. Without losing a single moment, he leaps off again and lands on Gamma Ray's shoulders and scissor locks his neck. He then falls backwards, completing the Rana and converting it to a pin. Referee O'Brien drops down to his knees and begins the count: “One... Two...” But, somehow, Gamma Ray kicks out!]
PA: Oh, that was too close for comfort!
[Gamma Ray's head is treated to a few quick jabs before Rook raises his opponent to his feet. He sends him bouncing in the ropes with an irish whip only to welcome the superhero back with a graceful but tremendously effective tornado DDT. The crowd is ecstatic!]
JT: Rook's still not wasting any time, though! He's heading for the top rope again! Will we see the famed Moonsault Splash??
[Rook is about to jump off into his finisher, but something draws his attention away... it's Danny Daniels, walking down the ramp!]
JT: Ok, didn't this bozo learn his lesson earlier? Can't we enjoy a nice, clean rematch, for once?
PA: Relax, Jackie! “Your Hero” didn't do anything!
JT: He's NOT my hero!
PA: He should be!
[Rook climbs down off the turnbuckle, and exchanges a few threatening gestures with Danny Daniels. Meanwhile, Gamma Ray struggles back to his feet, and seeing that Rook's back is turned, he runs toward him. Gamma Ray's going for a spear from behind!]
PA: Yess! Wait, NOO!!
[Rook jumps out of the way, and Gamma Ray rams the ring post!]
PA: How the hell did Rook get out of this one??
JT: They say he has eyes behind his head, and I wager they're right!
[Entangled in the turnbuckles, Gamma Ray is completely limp and inert! Rook walks up to him, and locks him into a backdrop, sending Gamma Ray sprawling to the middle of the ring. The luchador then heads for the ring post most distant to Danny Daniels, and again climbs to the top.]
JT: Moonsault Splash, I can feel it!
[Instantly, Danny Daniels sprints around the ring, trying to reach Rook in time. He leaps for Rook's feet, but he's too late! Rook jumps high, flips through the air, and lands straight atop Gamma Ray with a tremendous impact! MOONSAULT SPLASH!]
[The crowd pops and cheers, as they know the match is over! Rook covers Gamma Ray for the pin... but the referee's not there! O'Brien's now sermoning Danny Daniels, telling him to leave, and “Your Hero” is obstinately pleading his case! Rook gets back to his feet, and tries to get the ref's attention back on the match.]
JT: I knew it, I just knew it!
PA: What? Danny Daniels didn't do anything! He's only been a spectator! If Rook wants to waste his time arguing about it, it's his business!
[Losing patience, Rook punches off Daniels off the apron, and he falls to the concrete to the wildest of cheers! Meanwhile, Gamma Ray's struggling back to his feet, trying to shake off the cobwebs.]
PA: Gamma Ray's back on his feet!
[Gamma Ray tries to punch Rook from behind, but the quick footed luchador turns in time to block the punch! ... But not the low kick that follows!]
JT: Oh! Come on! Low blow!
PA: Stop whining! It would have been a knee kick on anyone else!
JT: And the ref missed that??
PA: Well, O'Brien did his job! He was making sure Danny Daniels was safe! A priority for referees, you know.
JT: Stop smirking!
[Rook is in obvious pain, clutching his most sacred parts. Still woozy, Gamma Ray manages to pull Rook towards him, spins him through the air and violently slams him on the mat with a sickening thud!]
PA: The GAMMA POWER!!!
[Quickly, the referee drops to the mat to start the count!]
JT: Oh, and NOW referee O'Brien's available. It just figures!
PA: What a beautiful win! Brings tears to my eyes!
JT: Rook had this match won, Phil, and you know it!
[The bell is rung, and Danny Daniels climbs in to celebrate with his partner in crime.]
JT: Ungh! Look at them jumping and skipping around like cheerleaders!
[The celebrations are short, however, for Gamma Ray isn't done! He reaches for Rook's legs, and locks him into a reverse figure-four leg-lock!]
JT: Jeez! What's going on? That's just horrible!
PA: You know Rook deserves no less, Jackie! The “Gamma Lock” will make him regret he ever messed with a superhero!
JT: It was Gamma Ray who messed with Rook in the first place!
[Rook now desperately struggles to escape the Gamma Lock, but Danny Daniels showers him with kicks.]
JT: I can't believe this! First, Gamma Ray was running away, and now that Rook's down and out, he's double-teaming him?? I mean, the man just got out of the hospital!!
PA: Rook had it coming, Jackie!
JT: Somebody stop this massacre! Please! Wait... who's that?
[Running down the aisle is none other than El Toro Azul, in full wrestling gear! With surprising agility, he rolls in the ring and kicks Danny Daniels in the gut. He then throws hims over the ropes, sending him sprawling down on the concrete floor!]
[Gamma Ray breaks the hold, but still unaware of Toro's presence, he poses and sneers at the crowd, “That's right! I declare this day officially SAVED!” Hearing the crowd cheer instead boo, the superhero quizzically turns around only to end up face to face with an angry El Toro Azul!]
PA: Oh NO!
[Gamma Ray's stunned look is quickly erased by Uncle Toro's swift right hook. The veteran grabs Gamma Ray and sends him flying over the top rope and crashing down right on top of Danny Daniels!]
JT: Is El Toro Azul ending his retirement? Look at how fit he still is! And look at the size of him! No wonder he dominated the Mexican federations for so many years!
PA: He should stay retired! He may be a freakishly huge monster, but he's old, now, nobody wants to see him anymore! He only got the upper hand thanks to his sneak attack!
[Uncle Toro helps his weakenned nephew back to his feet, as the “heroic” duo scrambles up and make their way backstage, only stopping to send insults and threatening gestures back towards the ring.]
PA: Damn that El Toro! What business does he have here, huh??
JT: He's been taking care of his nephew for over a week, Phil! He wasn't about to let Gamma Ray send Rook right back to the emergency ward!
PA: You know as well as I do that it just prolongs the inevitable, Jackie. You know it, I know it, and if Rook doesn't know it by now...
JT: You're crazy, Phil. Folks, in just a few minutes is our main event: The Firewalkers take on Legion!
written by Adam Miller
[A camera pans over the audience, showing a sea of cheering fans and signs in support of every wrestler on the roster, with the preponderance for various “face” characters. Switch camera shot to various people with signs, such as a long “FIREWALKERS” banner across the cheap seats and a woman holding a baby dressed up like JRollins. Another image of a group of fans in various FIREWALKER T-shirts, and even a group in LEGION attire as well!]
PA: I can guarantee you that kid's gonna grow up to have severe emotional problems one of these days.
JT: Lighten up, Phil. I think it's great that these folks are showing their appreciation for KEW!
[The stage erupts with pyrotechnics, shooting a fireball into the air half-way to the rafters! Mob Rules is piped on the speakers while the Kenzertron proudly displays the Legion’s entrance theme. A shower of sparks rain down on the stage, and through which comes Legion! They pause briefly to pose at the corners of the stage to pose, flexing muscles and sneering at the crowd. Behind them the spark-shower continues. They start heading to the ring]
JT: Ugh! Look at them. The way they act...
PA: ...as a well-oiled machine of destruction, kid! They're an actual team as opposed to those two idiots Dam and Jrollins! You can bet they'll be KEW's first tag champs for sure!
JT: Oh really? Even over Degeneration Next?!
PA: Um, I refuse to answer that on the grounds it'll get me thwacked...
[Just as Legion makes it about half-way to the ring, a pair of shapes run through the spark shower and attacks Legion from behind!]
JT: What the…it’s the Firewalkers!
PA: Legion must have really gotten under their skins!
[JRollins attacks Brimstone, raining clubbing forearms down on Brimstone’s back while Dam takes it to Nightdruid by grabbing a fistful of hair and slamming his head into the railing! JRollins continues his attack with hard shots to head as Dam puts Nightdruid’s arm in an armbar! Pain is evident in Nightdruid’s face.]
JT: The Firewalkers are wasting no time in getting back at Legion!
[Suddenly changing tactics, JRollins throws Brimstone back-first into the railing, and follows through with a clothesline! Both wrestlers go up and over the railing and into the crowd! Back to Dam and Nightdruid, Dam Irish-whips Nightdruid hard into the side of the ring! Eyes rolling back with pain, Nightdruid falls face-forward into the mats on the outside!]
PA: They better not come over here!
[In the crowd, both JRollins and Brimstone are to their feet and exchanging blows! It seems that Brimstone took the worst of the previous contact with the railing and floor, as he has a small cut on his forehead that oozes blood. The two are trading blows until suddenly Brimstone grabs JRollins’ head and delivers a hard headbutt! JRollins goes down, and but Brimstone staggers as well, still getting his bearings. All around them the crowd swarms, shouting at both wrestlers and mugging for the camera. As
Brimstone recovers, he reaches down to pick up JRollins by the hair, JRollins’ moves unexpectedly, grabbing Brimstone’s hair and sending him face forward into an empty folding chair! With an impressive clang, head meets metal, and metal wins! As Brimstone tries to get up off the floor, JRollins folds up the now-dented chair and puts it flat into Brimstone’s back!]
JT: My gawd, the bell hasn't even rung yet!
PA: You expected this fight to happen otherwise?!
[Back near the ring, Dam picks Nightdruid up for another Irish-whip, this time into a ringpost! To Dam’s surprise, Nightdruid reverses the move, and in a second, its Dam’s head making contact with the hard metal, not Nightdruid’s! With an almost sick look, Nightdruid passes Dam by and instead heads to the metal steps. He pulls up the top set of steps, and turns around to drive it down in Dam’s knee! Dam screams can be heard throughout the arena! Dropping the steps down again, this time Nightdruid connects with Dam’s head, who immediately grabs his head in pain. Nightdruid throws the steps down and puts the boots to Dam’s head! Already Dam’s head is bright
scarlet with blood!]
JT: Nightdruid is absolutely vicious out there!
PA: Ain't no way you're gonna nerf THIS Druid, kiddo...
[Back out in the audience, JRollins lifts the chair for another strike, but is distracted by a particularly annoying fan. This is all that Brimstone needs to get to his knees and low-blow the face! The chair drops to the floor to be claimed by Brimstone, while JRollins drops to his knees, clutching his crotch in pain. He looks up in time for Brimstone to deliver a chair-shot to the head! He crashes backward to the floor!]
PA: That's one way to make an impression!
[On the outside of the ring, Nightdruid continues to put the boots to Dam’s head. The rookie fights to his knees, punching Nightdruid in the mid-section to stall the vile druid’s assault. A shot to the head sends Nightdruid reeling back to clear the cobwebs. Dam charges at Nightdruid to deliver a clothesline, but the crafty druid ducks and uses Dam’s own momentum to send him into the railing! In an instant he’s on Dam, raking Dam’s face across metal rails! Meanwhile, in the crowd, Brimstone is giving JRollins the beating of his life, curtsy of a badly bent folding chair. Every time JRollins attempts to get to his feet, a chair to the back puts him right back down. And even while JRollins lay hurt on the ground, Brimstone continues his brutal assault on the face.]
[Almost desperately, Dam swings back with an elbow, managing to catch the side of Nightdruid’s head. This sends the druid reeling and gives Dam the chance to turn and spear Nightdruid hard! Both lay motionless for a few moments until Dam starts to stir. Regaining his feet, he spies the discarded top metal ring-stair. He grabs Nightdruid by the hair and puts him in position to receive a devastating DDT into the metal stairs! Nightdruid’s body goes straight up, almost cartoon-like, before crashing back down!]
[After laying out Nightdruid, Dam starts to get up again, only to find Brimstone waiting for him with a very bloody steel chair! A chair-shot sends Dam sailing, landing hard on his back. A camera pan back into the audience reveals JRollins still out in the crowd, laid out with blood oozing from his forehead. Security appears to be tending to him, and it seems that he is unconscious. Back at ringside, Brimstone picks up Dam and rolls his limp form into the ring. He rolls into the ring himself without checking on his partner, instead looking for the easy victory! The bell rings, and the match FINALLY has begun!]
PA: Here's one for the record books...the world's shortest match.
JT: I'm afraid you're right for once, Phil.
PA: Of course I'm ri--whaddya mean "for once"?!
[The ref tries to check on Dam, but Brimstone shoves him out of the way for the pin!]
[Outside the ring, Nightdruid has come to and has climbed onto the ring apron. Blood can be seen oozing from a gash in his forehead. He touches his head and views the bloodied palm. With an almost wicked look, he smears it across is face and chest as if it were war paint. Of JRollins, there is no sign. In the ring, Brimstone picks Dam up again, to deliver a head-butt to the side of Dam’s head! Down the rookie goes again, clutching his head in pain. Brimstone forces him into the corner where he mounts
the second ring ropes and drive hard punches into Dam’s forehead!
ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!
Suddenly Dam grabs Brimstone and forces him out of the corner, dropping him on Dam’s right knee! Brimstone clutches his crotch in obvious pain before Dam clotheslines him! The effort is too much, as he goes down as well. Both wrestlers lay on the mat, stunned. The ref begins a count.
Both wrestlers show signs of life, and begin crawling to their respective corners.
Brimstone tags Nightdruid, but Dam finds no-one in his corner! Nightdruid calmly walks over to Dam and drops an elbow into his back! He then puts a blatant choke on Dam, holding it before the ref forces him to release it! Growling at the ref, he turns his back to Dam while forcing the ref back into a neutral corner, snarling at him! Returning to Dam, he grabs a leg to drag him back into the center of the ring, but Dam’s other leg kicks out hard, catching him in the head! Nightdruid stumbles back to his corner, where Brimstone tags himself back in.]
JT: Dam's showing a lot of heart out there with his partner still down.
PA: Maybe. But Brimmy's gonna show him his kidneys in a minute!
[Back on his feet, Dam charges Brimstone, catching him with a spear! This winds Brimstone, but not enough for Dam to get a cover. The two fight back to their feet and begin exchanging blows! Back on the ring apron, Nightdruid spies JRollins slowly getting back to his feet, having dismissed worried security staff, on the outside of the railing. Suddenly Nightdruid sprints along the ring apron and in a single bound leap onto the top turnbuckle of the neutral corner. Faster than the eye can follow, he twists his body and momentum into a perfect moonsault, aimed straight at JRollins! In almost slow motion, he flies through the air as cameras flash in the background to capture the moment! As Nightdruid’s shadow falls across JRollins, he has but mere moments to look up before Nightdruid crashes into him!]
JRollins: OH SHI..[CRASH!!!]
[Chants of “HOLY <CENSORED>!!!” fill the entire arena! Some fans merely stand there in awe.]
JT: My gawd, is Nightdruid insane?!?! Did he just kill them both?!?!
PA: Hah! He got more Air than Jordan! Guess all the blood-loss has made him light-headed!
[After the impact, Nightdruid’s own momentum sends him rolling further into the crowd, stopping a good tenfeet from JRollins! Back inside the ring, Brimstone shoots Dam into the ropes to set up for a Samoan Drop. However, Dam anticipates this and dodges Brimstone to deliver a standing drop-kick to the head that sends Brimstone reeling into the ropes. A clothesline from Dam sends both wrestlers outside the ring!
Meanwhile, back on the outside, both Nightdruid and JRollins appear to finally be stirring. Nightdruid, appearing very groggy from the impact, managed to grab hold of a
security personal and use him to crawl back to his feet. JRollins appears not much better off, but has the railing to grab hold of. Nightdruid stumbles back towards the railing, only once there notices JRollins. The two exchange blows, but it’s a chop to the jaw courtesy of JRollins that wins the day, sending Nightdruid clear over the railing and onto the mats. JRollins stumbles over the railing himself and makes his way to his corner, still showing the after-effects of the constant beating he’s taken.]
JT: It's bedlam right now!
PA: News flash, Jackie...it's been bedlam for a while now!
[Outside the ring, the ref is administering a ten-count! Dam is back on his feet, but so is Brimstone! Brimstone beats Dam to the punch with a hard head-butt, followed by a hard Irish Whip into a ringpost! Dam collapses into the mats. Brimstone rolls into the ring to break up the count, and then rolls back out to continue the assault on Dam!
Brimstone gives Dams a few hard rights to the head, and then rolls him back into the ring and quickly follows himself. As Brimstone gets into the ring, Dam hurls himself into the ropes and baseball-slides right into Brimstone! Again Brimstone goes crashing into the guardrails! Dam tags in JRollins, who has made it back to his corner! The crowd roars approvingly! As Brimstone regains his feet, JRollins slides out of the ring and takes it to Brimsone! The two exchange blows, with Brimstone getting the worst of the deal, and is rolled back into the ring. JRollins sends Brimstone into the ropes and in quick succession delivers a trio of hip-tosses, followed by a body-slam!]
JT: Ha! Looks like Jrollins is taking care of bus--oh no, what are THEY doing here?!
[As Brimstone and JRollins brawl in the center of the ring, all of a sudden, Grim Jim comes through the entrance and is coming down to ringside, ranting like a madman while carrying his beloved folding chair, Troubleshooter! In tow is the Brown-Eyed Slayer, carrying a trashcan full of toys!]
PA: Holy <CENSORED>! This is going to make Baghdad look like downtown Sunnydale!
JT: Somebody stop them!
PA: Who? The National Guard?
JT: Good point…
[As Grim Jim reaches ringside, JRollins has Brimstone down and is punching his head hard, not far from the ropes. The two are so preoccupied that JRollins only becomes aware of Grim Jim’s presence when Troubleshooter is smacked straight across his forehead! A second shot catches Brimstone as well, sending both wrestlers reeling. The ref has full view of this and calls for the bell! Grim Jim enters the ring to continue his assault. Seeing the injustice done to his partner, Dam rushes down to attack Grim Jim! He is rewarded for his good deed with dust to the eyes, but this gives all the opening Nightdruid needs to deliver a flying drop-kick from the top rope down onto Grim Jim’s head! The big man goes down! With the bell ringing almost continually, the ring dissolves into a Pier 1 street brawl as all five wrestlers begin exchanging blows. It is all but impossible to see who is getting an advantage over whom, the action is fast and furious.]
JT: Degeneration Next is making their presence felt and neither Legion nor the Firewalkers like it one bit!
PA: See, this is why it's bad form to not invite the chair weilding maniac to the big dance.
[As the brawl continues, the Brown-Eyed Slayer suddenly appears on the top turnbuckle, and does a suicide dive right into the middle of the brawling crowd! This sends all of the men to the mat, but not for long. The ref is trying to regain control, yelling at Grim Jim in particular, and is rewarded for his efforts with a hard right to the head! Down goes the ref, and the brawl continues! Another ref rushes down to the ring, only to receive a Lights Out Superkick from Nightdruid! He is followed quickly by every ref the KEW has, and quickly the wrestlers turn from destroying each other to destroying the refs! In only a few seconds, every ref is left lying on the sides of the ring, or on the floor below!]
JT: My gawd, they’re like wild beasts in there!
PA: Like THAT was going to work! You’re going to need bigger guys than that to get this situation under control!
[As if to answer PA’s call, through the entrance comes the Gunslingers! They rush to the ring to help restore order to the KEW! Unfortunately, they prove far from up to the task, and as soon as they hit the ring, they are assaulted by the rest of the wrestlers! Both wrestlers are ping-ponged between the six wrestlers, a punch from one wrestler sending a Gunslinger reeling to be punched by another wrestler! This keeps up for a few moments before both Gunslingers are tossed unceremoniously out of the
PA: Fodder ho!
[Moments after the Gunslingers are disposed of, the entire KEW roster comes rushing down to the ring to restore order! Only when faced with this many wrestlers does the brawl come to an end, with several wrestlers keeping each team apart. This does not prevent much finger pointing and threats between the three teams! A couple of the teams attempt to lunge at another team, only to have too many large bodies keeping them from strangling each other once again!]
JT: It's the Commissioner!
[Sure enough, currently standing underneath the Kenzertron is one pissed-off Commissioner Katie White. Flanked by two security guards, the Commish glares at the now somewhat-contained brawl down at ringside in disgust. She shakes her head and brings the mic up.]
KW: This will NOT turn into a riot! NOT ON MY WATCH! Now, listen up! Legion...Firewalkers...Degeneration Next... you three teams have been at each others' throats ever since this league started up and frankly, I'm getting SICK of it! It's time things were settled once and for all! But first, you all need to cool your heads...
...so you three teams are FORBIDDED to come into physical contact with each other in any way in AND out of the ring for three months!
[Shocked pop! The Commish just nods grimly.]
KW: Disobey this order and you WILL be suspended! Now, I said that this would be settled and it will. January will mark KEW's first ever Pay-Per-Piew and you three teams will face each other then to determine who will our first ever KEW World Tag Team Champions!
KW: Now what sort of a match to give you? Cage match? We've done that. Submissions or a scientific match? I doubt you'd pay attention to the rules past five minutes! A table match? No, we're not having a table match...
[Disappointed bloodthirsty pop! Commissioner White smirks at that.]
KW: Let me make myself clear...we're not having _a_ table match. We're having...
...A SEVEN TABLES OF FEAR MATCH!!!
KW: Seven tables placed in and around the ring...whichever team can physically put their opponents through the most tables will be crowned Kenzer Empire Wrestling's Tag Team Champions! So it'd be a shame if one of you teams decided to get...uppity beforehand. Now call it a night and go home...
JT: What an announcement! KEW's first ever Pay Per View will come in January and we've already got one match signed for it, this one for the tag belts!
PA: Somebody call IKEA...this is gonna get ugly, kid!
JT: But can Legion, the Firewalkers and Degeneration Next stay away from each other before then?! For Phil Anderson and the rest of KEW, I'm Jackie Trainor. Good night!
[And with all three teams still glaring at each other and the Commissioner, we fade to black.]
KENZER EMPIRE WRESTLING 2005