[Fade in backstage of the Civic Center in Peoria, Illinois, where we find a rather serious "Big" Al Lieberman.]
BAL: Folks, before Lion's Den starts, I need to show you this exclusive footage taken two days ago... Cue the tape.
[Outside camera shot of a street corner at night with a run-down two-story brick building with a new neon sign over the entrance saying "Toro's Gym"]
Big Al (voice over): Welcome back to moonlit Southern California.
[interior shot - close up] Welcome KEW fans! I'm "Big" Al Lieberman! We're coming to you, after hours, from Toro's Gym, the home gym of KEW's dynamic luchador, Rook!
[The camera pans the building to reveal an empty gym. A few low hanging, uncovered light bulbs hang here and there to bath the gym in a hazy glow. When the camera comes back around to Al, Rook is nearby with a, mopping the floor.]
Big Al: Rook! You had a very decisive victory over Gamma Ray at the Lion’s Den in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. How has the victory changed you?
Rook: [stops moping and looks up at Al] Changed me? I wouldn’t say it changed me at all mi amigo. It’s going to take more than a victory over a self righteous jerk like Gamma Ray to change my life.
Big Al: So there have been no changes? Everyone still treats you the same? You family? Your friends? The ladies?
Rook: [shaking is head laughing] Ha, I wish. My Uncle still has me mopping up the sweat and blood here at the gym 3 nights a week.
Big Al: I was wondering about that. So your uncle still has you working here? Why do you do it?
Rook: As my Uncle says “Show me a man who’s too good for hard work, and I’ll show you a man who’s work is no good.” Besides, this place is my life. All my earnings from KEW go into the gym.
Big Al: That’s great Rook, it sounds like you uncle is a very wise man. So Rook, Gamma Ray has requested and received a rematch with you from Commissioner White. How will you approach this match differently from the last?
Rook: To be honest Al, I don’t think I will have to change much. The thing is…
[Suddenly, Rook is thrown to the ground, hit from behind by Gamma Ray in full uniform. The attacker pummels Rook with punches and kicks.]
Big Al: Oh my gawd!
Gamma Ray: You think you can humiliate Gamma Ray? HUH?
[Rook receives another kick to the gut as he lays sprawled on the ground.]
Gamma Ray: You [BEEP]in' piece of [BEEP]!
Big Al: Stop this insanity, stop!
Gamma Ray: Get your triple chins outta here, Leiberman!
[The Superhero shoves Al away, and gives Rook a few more punches for good measure.]
Gamma Ray: You little cheat! I'll teach you a lesson you better not forget!
[Gamma Ray fully extends his arm, on which the "Gamma Cannon" is strapped. He then takes aim at Rook, and flashes of greenish light blind the screen, while only the sounds of electric whips, snaps and buzzes can be heard.]
Big Al: It WORKS?? Help! Somebody HELP!!
[Finally, the jolts of lime electricity cease, and the devastation created is revealed. Rook, sprawled on the floor, is inert and visibly unconscious, save for a few remnant spasms caused by the weapon. A look of pure panic is deeply etched in Al Leiberman's face.]
Gamma Ray: Stay out of this, blubber-man! Of course the Gamma Cannon works! And I'm already helping! Subduing cheats and vandals is what I do, you imbecile!
Big Al: But... but!
Gamma Ray: And you won't be seeing anymore of Rook for a long while! A very long while!!
Big Al: What about the rematch you asked for?
Gamma Ray: Looks like it won't happen, huh? That's right. Gamma Ray always saves the day, and I declare this day officially saved!
[Cut back to Al backstage, shaking his head.]
BAL: We still have no word if Rook is in the building or not tonight, let alone what his condition is! And whether the scheduled rematch between Rook and Gamma Ray will happen tonight is anyone's guess. More on this story as it develops...
[Fade in on the opening credits of The Lion's Den, "Born To Raise Hell" by Motorhead & Ice-T playing over the clips of action and then we dissolve into the credits...
KEW PRESENTS _THE LION'S DEN -- AUGUST 21ST, 2005 -- CIVIC CENTER -- PEORIA, IL_
...a slow dissolve through the graphics brings us to the throngs of screaming KEW fans all across the Civic Center. Panning across the crowd, a few signs can be seen...
"BRIMSTONE IS A HEALTH HAZARD!"
"ROOK = KEWL 4 LIFE!"
"DANNY, DON'T BE A HERO!"
...finally, though, we make our way to the commentators, the heart and soul of the KEW in Jackie Trainor and the spleen and bile of Phil Anderson.]
PA: Hee-hee-hee!
JT: PHIL!
PA: Rook got cooked! That was great...Gamma Cannon comin' on line!
JT: Folks, welcome to Peoria, Illinois and I apologize for my partner's behavior right now. As Al Lieberman said, we still have no report on Rook's status from that cowardly attack by Gamma Ray two days ago!
PA: I'll tell you what his status is, kid...extra crispy. It's good to see our resident superhero is willing to stand up to the scum and villainy here in KEW!
JT: [shaking her head] Sometimes, I wonder what color the sky is in your little world. Anyway, as it stands, the rematch between Rook and Gamma Ray is still up in the air. Hopefully, it won't affect the rest of tonight's events as three new additions will be making their KEW debut!
PA: It's about time...anything that could take away airtime from those two jokers Dam and Jrollins is a good idea.
JT: Speaking of Dam, he'll be taking on BOTH Night Druid and Brimstone in a handicap match! There's no love between the Firewalkers and Legion. And given the attacks on both him and Jrollins, Dam feels it's a matter of honor to shut Legion down once and for all!
PA: Pfft...honor is overrated and so is Dam. Face it, Rollins has always been a selfish bastard. Why isn't he getting involved here? His partner's been taking all the lumps while he's been out playing tea party with his sister! If Dam doesn't watch his back, he'll be kicked to the curb just like Brimstone was...
JT: Once again, Phil, your cynicism rears its ugly head. Folks, in a few moments, Joe Steel will step into the KEW ring for the first time and I understand that Al Lieberman managed to get a few words with him earlier beforehand.
[Big Al is waiting in the parking lot. It looks like he's wiating for someone to interview. He turns when the sound of a vey loud car engine comes from offscreen left. As the camera swings around, a '64 GTO comes riding into the lot. In the driver's seat is Joe Steel. He parks in a spot close to where Big Al's waiting. As Joe gets out of the Steelmobile, Big Al rushes over to interview.]
BAL: Mr. Steel, welcome to KEW!
JS: Thank you. Call me Joe.
BAL: OK, Joe. What's your plan for the match tonight. How do you plan to defeat your opponent?
JS: The same way I won fights at the Stonewall Bar back in Allentown. [Gets up close into the camera.] By KATN. [He backs up.]
BAL: KATN?
JS: Kickin' <bleep> and Takin' Names. Now, if you'll pardon me, I have to get ready.
BAL: There you have it. Back to you guys. [To himself, but picked up on the mike] <Bleep>, we get all sorts of freaks here...
[Fade back to Jackie and Phil.]
JT: He may be a man of few words, but Joe Steel seems ready for action.
PA: Few words and fewer brain cells, maybe. I'll lay you ten to one odds he stole that car...there's no WAY a steel worker could afford that sweet ride!
JT: [sighs] Let's take it to ringside...
*L*I*O*N*S*D*E*N*
JOE STEEL
vs.
ROLAND JAMES
written by Jimu
*L*I*O*N*S*D*E*N*
[Roland James enters to scattered applause. Then Ironhead begins to blare, and Joe Steel steps into the arena. He begins to shadowbox, with the pyro punctuating each "blow." He then makes his way to the ring, high-fiving the fans along the way. He stops to give Granny Mark a hug befre entering the ring.]
JT: Looks like Steel's developing an instant following.
PA: Yeah. But then again, lemmings follow anything off a cliff.
[Steel steps into the ring, thrusting his fists into the air to applause.
PA: Whoever made his tights ought to be sued.
JT: Sued?
PA: Yeah. Excessive bad taste and color blindness.
JT: Will you shut up?
[The bell rings. The competitors shake hands then start testing each by lunging and feinting at each other. After a couple of moments, the two of them lock up in a collar and elbow. Roland tries to muscle Steel back, but the former steel worker from Allentown, PA, proves to be the more powerful of the two, and Roland finds himself backed into the ropes. The ref steps in, and a clean break is executed. They lock up again.]
PA: Who needs sleeping pills? Just watch this match before sleep.
[After a moment in the collar and elbow, Steel throws Roland into the farside ropes, and catches him with an authoritative powerslam.]
JT: Good Gawd. Did you see the impact Steel had on that?
PA: He nearly broke Roland in two!
[Steel picks Roland up and places him in a bearhug. The ref gets in there and asks Roland if he gives up; an emphatic shaking of his head gives the negative answer. As Steel begins to tighten the bearhug up, Roland breaks free with a pair of well-placed elbows to the face.]
PA: That can only improve his looks...
[Roland takes a moment to regain his breath, then throws Steel into the ropes. Steel is met with a powerful clothesline that sends him to the mat. Roland moves to cover, but only gets a one count for his effort. As Roland begins to pick Steel up, Steel grabs Roland by the waist, spins him around and delivers the Barroom Bounce. As Roland rolls around on the mat in pain, Steel measures the distance and drops an elbow on his chest. A quick cover that nets two before the Gunslinger kicks out.]
JT: And you said the match would cause people to fall asleep.
PA: Okay, maybe after drinking some Brain-o to forget watching it first.
[Steel picks up Roland and tosses him into the corner. He then charges the prone Gunslinger and hits him with a combination Stinger Splash and flying forearm.]
JT: That was the...[flips through papers in front of her]...the Allentown Hammer.
PA: It could be the Muncie Screwdriver, for all I care.
[Steel picks Roland up in what first appears to be a vertical suplex, until he corkscrews Roland's head into the mat]
JT: Steel Driver!
[Steel goes for the pin.
1...
2...
3! Crowd pop!]
JT: Steel wins the match! Wait, why are you applauding, Phil?
PA: Because the match is over! Whoo-Hoo!
JT: Will you sit down! That was an impressive debut for Joe Steel.
PA: Yeah, in the same way as the Tampa Bay Devil Rays beating the Kansas City Royals is impressive...no one really cares, kid!
JT: You're wrong, Phil. I think Steel is off to a bright future here in the KEW. And coming up next is another newcomer to KEW, Mississippi Goddamn!
PA: Oh lovely, a Good Ol' Boy... [rolls his eyes] Lemmie guess, he's got a sister named Alabama Holy Fu--
JT: PHIL!!!
*L*I*O*N*S*D*E*N*
MISSISSIPPI GODDAMN!
vs.
ROLAND JAMES
written by Dr Pepper
*L*I*O*N*S*D*E*N*
[KEW's new and lovely ring announcer Maureen Carter steps into the ring...yep, looks like our Diva search finally paid off...]
MC: This is a singles match under normal rules. Coming to the ring first, at 5 foot 10, weighing 278 pounds, he's one half of the World's Orneriest Tag Team- The Gunslingers! Hailing from the Rangelands of Dakota, where he is a former Tough Man Champion, it's Eddie Cassidy!
[Eddie Cassidy comes to the top of the ramp. He's wearing tight black jeans, deep purple cowboy boots, suede half gloves, and a dark blue leather vest trimmed with white fur. His blueblack hair is sculpted into a medium length shag, his eyes are bright blue and his teeth impossibly white against a respectable golden bronze tan.]
JT: hmm, it doesn't say if that's North or South Dakota.
PA: It's neither. The Rangelands of Dakota is a cowboy themed yuppie bar in North Hollywood. They have a small ring in the back where they hold their [finger quotes] `Tough Man' contests once a month. Eddie Cassidy and Roland James met there a few years ago, and kept alternately winning the championship for a while. So they figured they were ready to turn pro. That's how they became partners.
JT: Well, I'm impressed. For once you got up off your butt and did some research.
PA: Not really, I just pick up those free events and entertainment magazines every time I travel to another city. And I tell our scouts and stringers to do the same. Sooner or later, nearly every local organization gets written up, along with the members. It's an easy way to get background on future stars.
[Eddie strikes a gunfighter's pose, slightly crouched with his right hand at his hip. Jangly power chords ring out over the sound system.]
#Duh buhbuh Doing-g-g!#
[Eddie lip syncs to the words that follow]
#I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride, I'm wanted dead or alive!#
JT: Wait, wasn't that a Bon Jovi song? I don't think that was Bon Jovi.
PA: That's Dude Donald and the Dakota Dulcimers, they're the house band at the bar.
JT: Oh.
[Eddie makes a quick draw and shoot motion with his hand, then a blow on the muzzle motion. Then he strides down to the ring. There he removes his vest to show off a lean and sculpted torso.]
[Pop]
JT: Right purty, that one is. But it'll take more than looks to win this one.
Sign: [picture of Eddie] Wanted, in Bed and Alive!
[A soulful blues guitar riff with harmonica cranks out from the sound system. The fans let loose with a moderate pop.]
MC: And his opponent, hailing from Bay St. Louis, Mississippi, standing 6 foot 4 and weighing 255 pounds.
#Ah! Keep your eyes on the road
Your hands upon the wheel
Keep your eyes on the road
Your hands upon the wheel#
MC: Now entering the ring.
#Yeah, we're going to the roadhouse
Gonna have a real good-time#
MC: Here's Mississippi Goddamn!
[The fans pop again as the aisle curtain is flung open to reveal the Southern brawler, Mississippi Goddamn! Garbed in a black Ole Miss Rebels t-shirt, a pair of jean shorts, a tattered Ole Miss baseball cap, black kneepads on both knees, and a black elbow pad on his right elbow, he enters the arena and begins jawjacking with the fans.]
PA: Hmmph, Mississippi wants to be a "fan favorite", he'll be sorry when the fans start to think they own him.
JT: That's one thing you don't have to worry about, Phil, there is absolutely no danger of you ever becoming a fan favorite.
#Yeah, the back of the roadhouse
They've got some bungalows
Yeah, the back of the roadhouse
They've got some bungalows#
[Mississippi gets into the ring. Despite being the lighter man, Mississippi looks brawnier than his opponent. He has a typical wrestler's build: a thick neck, broad shoulders, a barrel chest, prominent pectorals, stern forearms, hardened gut, and stocky legs. His head and face are completely clean shaven except for a bushy brown goatee.]
JT: Eddie, offering to shake hands here. Mississippi accepts. Ooh, Mississippi squeezing just a little harder than Eddie liked. Mississippi, pulling Eddie in and away again with an irish whip. Eddie, grabbing the ropes, stopping just short of a big boot from Mississippi.
PA: Eddie comes back with something resembling a boxing combination- left hook to the jaw! I think he used a closed fist but referee Andrew Deitz is clueless as usual. But it doesn't matter. Eddie's hand felt that more than Mississippi did. Mississippi is a hard man from a hard background. He started as a bar bouncer back home in Bay
St.Louis, Mississippi. And believe you me, he didn't meet too many yuppies there!
JT: Eddie, making a face. Mississippi, moving in. Leg scissors takedown by Eddie! I'm afraid Mississippi is a little too impulsive for his own good.
PA: Yeah, you could say that. Both these men are brawlers by preference. Mississippi has some technical skill as well, but he's still green, whereas Eddie is a ring veteran even though he only has a limited set of moves.
JT: No bias in this match, Phil? You seem to be criticizing both men equally.
PA: What can I say? Neither man is good enough, or devious enough, to make me care.
Sign: Em Eye Ess Ess, Eye Ess Ess, Eye Punked Your Ass!
JT: Both men back up. Mississippi's losing his cool, he lunges forward with his fists pumping. Eddie ducks down and pummels him in the gut. Mississippi, reaching down to grab- Eddie with a low blow! Eddie, scooping Mississippi up for an airplane spin. I think Eddie was going for a samoan drop, but Mississippi slipped out the back door. Mule kick by Eddie!
[Big sadistic pop]
Sign: Total Nonstop Curmudgeon
JT: Eddie trying to soften Mississippi up with a rain of punches. But Mississippi, who claims he's "too dumb to know when to quit", just reached out in the middle of the attack and grabbed both of Eddie's wrists. Headbutt!
[Big pop.]
PA: Mississippi's face took a pounding from those fists, but now Eddie's nose may be broken.
JT: Certainly his momentum is.
PA: Eddie, showing that experience I mentioned, sliding out of the ring for a breather.
JT: Mississippi jumps down and goes right after him. Eddie with a clothesline- ducked! Mississippi with a bearhug, takes Eddie off his feet and dumps him onto the ring steps. Eddie seems disorientated. Mississippi pulls him back up and spins him around. He's levering Eddie up onto his shoulder, apparently going for a belly-to-back lifting mat slam.
PA: Oops, where did he go? Mississippi is taken completely by surprise as Eddie grabs the middle rope and pulls himself up and back into the ring!
[Big pop]
JT: Eddie has escaped from Mississippi's grasp, and incidentally broken the count that referee Andrew Deitz was forgetting to make. Why does that man even have a job?
PA: Now, now, you were pretty green yourself when you first started.
JT: I was only green that one time when you put that jar of expired kim chee in my locker!
PA: Just my way of welcoming you to the big leagues.
JT: Shya-right!
PA: Mississippi, still looking around for Eddie. Look up, you dummy! Eddie, climbing to the top of the ring post. People tend to forget that Eddie has some aerial skill. And by "some" I mean just a little bit, as you can see by how his legs shake as he tries to balance. Leaping bulldog takes down Mississippi!
[Pop]
PA: Good thinking. Eddie can't match Mississippi's technical arsenal. Mississippi got his start when he impressed SCW superstar "Dirty" Dick LeBaron with his toughness, but LeBaron made sure he got plenty of science at his famous Dungeon wrestling school in Portland, Oregon. And now Mississippi is putting that education to good use.
JT: Mississippi with a spinebuster! Eddie looks as helpless as a beached whale. And here comes the harpoon as Mississippi measures him for an elbow drop- Eddie moved!
[Big sadistic pop]
JT: Eddie moved, he was just playing possum.
PA: Like I said, Eddie's the ring veteran, his timing is near perfect.
JT Eddie on his feet, two brutal kicks to Mississippi's head.
PA: Eddie with a running clothesline, and off the ropes with another- no, backdrop by Mississippi. Irish whip by Mississippi, sending Eddie to the ropes. Eddie, avoiding Mississippi's grab, going for an armbar. And a Russian leg sweep, but that's another move he doesn't actually know so he only managed to sweep himself!
[Mississippi steps back from his sprawled opponent and points at him]
Mississippi [exaggerated drawl]: Way-ell, gaw-w-wddamn!
[The crowd explodes with laughter]
PA: Is he pulling a Lindy?
JT: No. But trust you to go there, you uncouth lout!
PA: Sheesh, you try to inject a little cultural relevance!
JT: Oh yeah, you're so misunderstood.
PA: Eddie back up. He runs the ropes and comes back at Mississippi full speed. It's the clothesline from hell- no! Mississippi ducks and picks Eddie up!
JT: So who's too dumb to know when to quit?
PA: Mississippi plants Eddie back down with a gutwrench backbreaker!
[Monster pop]
JT: As Eddie writhes on the floor in agony, Mississippi reaches down and hauls him up. Eddie tries to kick but from this position he can't get enough impact.
PA: Mississippi's got Eddie's wrist through his legs. Mississippi could be going for a pumphandle slam. No, it's his own gulf area piledriver.
[Big pop]
JT: Eddie back up. Mississippi spins Eddie around and clubs him down with a double axe handle. Eddie is staggering, punching blindly at the air, I don't think he knows where he is. Hey look, it's referee Andrew Deitz, making a cameo appearance! Even he can tell it's almost over.
PA: Mississippi's got Eddie in a double underhook. And there's the bubba buster facedriver!
[Monster pop]
JT: And Mississippi goes for the pin. 1!-- 2!-- 3! that's it.
MC: Your winner, MISSISSIPPI GODDAMN!
[Monster pop]
#Yeah, we're going to the roadhouse
Gonna have a real good-time-
Good time#
[Mississippi heads up the ramp, slapping hands.]
PA: Well, there's eight minutes of my life I'll never get back.
JT: You're terrible, you know that? These men are putting their all out there for their debuts tonight! The least you could show is a little courtesy. Folks, next up we have the return of Danny "Your Hero" Daniels facing off against our third newcomer Tobias Chapel Smith.
PA: [shouting] Hey Danny, wanna watch my seat for a while again?!
*L*I*O*N*S*D*E*N*
DANNY "YOUR HERO" DANIELS
vs.
TOBIAS CHAPEL SMITH
written by MS
*L*I*O*N*S*D*E*N*
[Danny "Your Hero" Daniels enters first, congratulating the fans on 'being able to gaze upon his wonderfulness'. Then, the monstrous Tobias Chapel Smith enters slowly, staring down Daniels. Daniels, too clueless to realize the size difference, charges Smith as the bell rang. "Your Hero" got in three shots before a hammering forearm sends Daniels flying across the ring.]
JT: Danny Daniels may have bitten off more than he can chew! He's giving up well over fifty pounds to Tobias Chapel Smith.
PA: That's all right! Danny doesn't know the meaning of the word 'quit'.
JT: Danny doesn't know the meaning of many words, Phil...
[Daniels pops back up and tries to trade blows with Smith again. This time, a punch sends Daniels into the ropes, where he is greeted by a knee lift that sends Daniels somersaulting over. Daniels gets back up to be flipped over by a clothesline. Daniels gets back up again... and falls, face-first, onto the mat. Smith covers for a two count.]
JT: Tobias Chapel Smith is just brutalizing Daniels.
PA: It's all part of Daniel's strategy- wear out Smith's arms by letting him hit his face.
JT: You put money on Daniels, didn't you?
PA: [Pointing at Smith] Against that guy? I'm not stupid, Jackie. I just like rooting for the underdog
JT: And he most certainly is.
[Smith picks up Daniels and throws him into the corner, then charges in- only to miss as Daniels rolls out of the way. Smith hits the corner, Daniels delivers a knife-edged chop, then Irish whips him to the opposite corner. Daniels charges in and climbs up for a monkey flip... but Smith shoves Daniels halfway across the ring. As Daniels gets back to his feet, Smith levels him with a roundhouse right, then picks him up for a powerbomb. Instead of covering, Smith picks up Daniels, rears back...]
JT: HEART PUNCH! Daniels hits the mat!
1...
2...
3!!!!
((DING DING DING))
JT: Tobias Chapel Smith just destroyed Danny Daniels there.
PA: That's the ugliest massacre I've seen since the blind date I had a month ago.
JT: I'm inclined to agree with you, Phil. Tobias Chapel Smith has started to make quite the name for himself over in USJP...a fed known at times for having such legends as Sabbath, Caliban and Serge Annis in there!
PA: Wait up, kiddo. Annis doesn't count...Canadians can't be legends!
JT: You better pray we're not heading north of the border any time soon, Phil... [She sighs] Coming up next is supposed to the rematch between Rook and Gamma Ray, but we've still no word yet on Rook's condition!
*L*I*O*N*S*D*E*N*
ROOK
vs
GAMMA RAY
written by Flouzemaker
*L*I*O*N*S*D*E*N*
PA: Ah! This next match, I can't wait for! Rook needs to be taught a lesson and Gamma Ray's just the Super Hero to do it!
JT: Don't you have any morals, Phil? We don't even know how badly injured Rook could be at this point!
PA: Why would Rook be injured? The match hasn't started!
JT: Didn't you see the opening segment? What Gamma Ray did is absolutely despicable! Who knows what kind of damage that Gamma Cannon thing can do to a human being?
PA: Don't know what you're talking about, Jackie. You're probably exaggerating again, for all I know. But if Rook's not injured, he will be for sure after tonight!
[The lights go out, and only the Kenzertron is illumated with the bold words “The Day Will be Saved!” Strobe lights come alive, flashing on tempo with the Gamma Ray theme blaring away on the PA. Near the curtains, the self-proclaimed superhero strikes a few vainglorious poses before strutting down the aisle towards the ring, occasionnaly insulting a fan or two. He then jumps into the ring to resume is boasting and showboating.]
JT: What an awful, awful man.
PA: You're talking about Rook, right? Because he... Hey!
[Fatboy Slim's “Weapon of Choice” blasts through the sound system]
JT: That's Commissioner White's theme! She... she's walking down to the ring with a microphone! This... this sounds like a bad omen to me, Phil.
[Katie White enters the ring, a concerned frown on her face as she prepares to address the crowd.]
KW: KEW fans, I've been informed that Rook is presently hospitalized, and not medically cleared to compete at the present time.
[Uncontrolled boos and erupt throughout the crowd.]
KW: Medical experts speak of potential cervical and neuroligical damage caused by an abnormal type of electrocution.
[The boos continue, and gain in volume as Gamma Ray jumps out of the ring to get himself a microphone of his own]
KW: For the time being, doctors consider Rook is likely to make a full recovery, but can offer no timetable at the present time. Unfortunaly, as you might have guessed, this means there will be no Gamma Ray vs Rook match tonight.
[Now, the crowd's booing increase yet some more, as spontanious “Rook” chants erupt here and there in the balconies.]
GR: Heh! Heh! Yeah, well who cares about a little cheating vandal like Rook, huh? Who am I wrestling tonight? Who'll get a taste of my Gamma Power?
[Now, the crowd unanimously chants a rather graphic insult directed at the masked man. Commissioner White turns to him, visibly angry.]
KW: You're not wrestling anybody, Gamma Ray! You think I can let my workers blatantly attempt to injure each other in public places? I'm running a business here, and I can't afford that type of attitude!
GR: With all due respect, sir, why make a scapegoat out of me, huh? You let me wrestle five minutes and your business'll thrive!
KW: Scapegoat?? You think I don't know you're responsible for this, Gamma Ray?
GR: Well come one now, sir. Any kind of lunatic can stitch himself a fake Gamma Ray Power-Suit! I've never been in California in my life!
KW: Yeah, sure. Understand this: you're suspended! Until Rook is medically cleared to wrestle again, you're suspended!
[Finally, the crowd cheers wildly at the news!]
KW: And if you call me “sir” one more time, I'm adding fines to that suspension!
GR: But, si...cer... certainly we can talk about this, right?
KW: And when Rook IS medically cleared to come back, you're having that rematch! That's my final decision!
[Bastard pop! "Weapon of Choice" starts back up again as the Commish makes her exit. Gamma Ray tries to plead his case, but it's to no avail as she just waves him off. As the crowd rains down their jeers at the super-hero, Gamma Ray finally storms off in a huff.]
PA: This is a travesty! Gamma Ray took out that little worm and THAT was the thanks he got?!
JT: Come off it, Phil! That ambush was uncalled for. At least Commissioner White will let the rematch happen once Rook is medically cleared, whenever that is. And Gamma Ray better watch out then!
PA: And that's another thing...why is that illegal alien allowed to leech off American health care?!
JT: Do you ever LISTEN to yourself?!
*L*I*O*N*S*D*E*N*
LEGION
vs
DAM
Handicap Match
written by Dam & JK
*L*I*O*N*S*D*E*N*
JT: It's time for the Main Event of this evening, Dam taking on the Legion in a Handicap Match.
PA: Or as it will shortly be known, Massacre. Legion will eat him up and spit him out in tiny pieces.
JT: Need I remind you Dam beat Brimstone in his previous match?
PA: That was a fluke, and now he's facing two of the meanest psychos out there.
[Crowd erupts in huge boos when Mob Rules begins to play. Brimstone and NightDruid are walking towards the ring, looking very relaxed]
PA: See, they know this one's in the bag. I don't think I've ever seen them smile as happily, unless you count those occasions when they are hurting people.
JT: I'll tell you this one last time Phil, you nor they should underestimate Dam. He's got heart!
PA: You have a crush on him or something?
JT: [utterly dumbfounded]
[As Paint It Black begins to play, crowd goes into a cheering frenzy. In the ring, the Legion aren't too impressed by this. They seem eager to get their hands on Dam. Music continues to play, but there is no sign of Dam.]]
PA: Ha! He's not coming, Dam's chickened out!
JT: I'm sure he's just taking his time.
PA: Face it Jackie, Dam is a fake, much like that so-called partner of his, JRollins.
CROWD POP!
[Suddenly there is a flurry of activity in the ring. Dam comes in from behind the Legion and hits them with a double bulldog. Holding on to the initiative, he bounces off the ropes and takes Brimstone and NightDruid down with a flying double clothesline. Dam quickly tosses Druid out of the ring and homes in on Brimstone as the ref calls for the bell.]
PA: That weasel, coming in from behind.
JT: Legion wasn't expecting that, Dam has the momentum now.
[In the ring something very odd is happening. Dam is going straight for Brimstone, forcing him back into a corner, before unleashing a torrent of blows and kicks, that slowly drive Brim into a sitting position in the corner. As the ref finally manages to get Dam clear of Brim, Dam rushes in and hits him right on the cheek with a knee rush.]
JT: Looks like he wasn't kidding when he said this was personal, he's just pummeling Brimstone silly. This certainly wasn't a tactic that any of us expected.
PA: Ref really should DQ Dam for those heinous shots.
[Action in the ring takes a turn as NightDruid distracts the ref, allowing Brimstone to deliver a low-blow on Dam.]
PA: That'll knock the momentum out of you. Now we get to see the Legion destroy Dam.
[The initial assault halted, Brim gathers himself and makes his way across the ring, tagging in NightDruid.Night Druid climbs through the ropes and goes right to work on the prone Dam. He lays a vicious soccer kick to his opponents back. Dam writhes in pain on the mat. Night Druid drops his knee into the back of Dam again, pulling on his neck and legs, bowing the rookie's back. After a moment of the hold, he releases it. He leaves Dam in the ring and runs to the nearby rope, bouncing off the second one and landing a splash onto the back of Dam.He quickly rolls off and picks Dam up as Night Druid climbs out of the ring and takes his position back at the corner.]
PA: That's the way to teach these young punks a lesson.
JT: Hey!
PA: What? He's young and a punk. Just calling it as I see it.
[Night Druid picks up Dam and quickly drops him on his knee in a back breaker. He drags Dam over to their corner and gives him a boot to the head for good measure. He tags in Brimstone and stretches Dam out in front of the turn buckle, holding him in place. Brimstone springsboards himself up and lands another big splash onto Dam, who tries to roll away from the corner]
PA: Now he's in for it. Classic corner wrestling's about to begin. Legion's is going to take this rookie to school.
JT: Dam's trying to distance himself from the corner. Oh no that fat....Brimstone caught him.
[Brimstone picks Dam up and shoves him into the corner hard, and follows up with a quick elbow to the face. Brimstone starts setting up hard punches to Dam's head, not caring about the ref's count. The Ref finally separates Brimstone from Dam. Brimstone starts to jaw at the ref and Rob Morton jaws right back]
JT: Good thing Morton is in there, he's not afraid of these two. Hey Night Druid is choking Dam with the tag rope. ROB! LOOK BEHIND YOU!
PA: Morton's doing the best he can, lay off of him. We should just announce the match.
[Morton and Brimstone finally stop jawing with each other. With the referee out of the way, Brimstone charges into the corner giving Dam an Avalanche. Dam crumples to the ground, seemingly unable to stand.]
PA: That's gotta hurt!
[Brim tags ND. ND hops to the top turn buckle and leaps off, dropping a leg across Dam's already devastated back.]
JT: Guillotine Leg Drop! Why don't they just pin him and get it over with.
PA: They told him they were going to end his career, it looks like they meant it. We'll see the last of Goldylocks after this match.
[Dam is leaning against the ropes, trying to halt the Legion's momentum, as Druid pops him with perfect dropkick, right in the jaw, which leaves Dam flat on his back outside the ring. NightDruid follows Dam to the outside, roughs him to his feet.]
JT: Druid has Dam's arm in a hammerlock. Wait! What is he going to do? NO! Not that!
[At the last minute Dam reverses the hold, momentum taking Druid head-on into the ring post. Dam uses the time to gather his wits and breath back.]
JT: Druid was trying to dislocate Dam's shoulder, or worse.
PA: Kid, what match are you watching? There was no such thing happening.
JT: Well, what the hell do you call that then?
PA: Druid had Dam's arm in a hammerlock, right?
JT: Yes.
PA: Dam naturally tried to break out of the hold, right?
JT: Yes.
PA: There you have it. Dam, in an effort to break the hold, was moving forward, NightDruid was only following him in order to maintain the hold.
JT: You're unbelievable, you know that?
PA: Thanks kiddo.
[Dam goes on the offense, driving Druid kidney first into the security barricade and then against the ring apron. Suddenly he stops and eyes the ring steps. Dam looks at the crowd, points at Druid and then at stairs. CROWD POP!]
KLANG!!!
PA: Come on ref, are you letting anything slide?!
JT: That was one hard Irish Whip. Druid met steel and steel won. NightDruid is holding his back and looking in a world of hurt.
[Camera zooms in on Dam.]
Dam: That was for what you did to my car. And this I call interest.
[Dam grabs Druid's head by both ears and slams it against the stairs.]
PA: I don't care who you are, that'll hurt your equilibrium.
JT [Looks at Phil with disbelief]: How the hell do you know that word?
PA: What, you saying I'm not civilized?
JT: No, tha... Oh, wait, "word-of-the-day" toiled paper, right?
PA: Look, the ref is continuing to count.
[ Ref continues his count, reaching 8 before Dam tosses NightDruid back into the ring. Brimstone is spewing words at Dam from his corner.]
JT: I think Brimstone is telling Dam to let him get in the ring.
PA: Even Dam is not that stupid, is he?
JT: I don't know Phil, Dam wants Brimstone and bad.
PA: Bad is right. Look at the fool, he tossed Druid into Brim's corner, and there's the tag.
JT: That might have been a mistake by Dam.
[Brimstone, being rested, uses his size and power to gain the advantage.Brimstone picks up Dam and drops him hard on his head in a DDT. He stands up and looks to the crowd. He climbs to the second rope....]
JT: Dam knows to look for that he'll miss it this...
[*BAM* Brimstone falls from the second rope and lands a devasting falling headbutt to Dam's head. He tries to pick Dam up but the rookie just doesn't seem to be able to get to his feet. Brimstone laughs and says something to ND, who quickly indicates a tag. Brimstone gives Dam one more good boot to the head and tags in Night Druid, launches himself over the top rope and does a flying elbow drop to Dam.]
JT: It's not looking good for Dam, he can't take much more of this.
PA: Hey, he wanted this, now he's gotta pay the price.
[In the ring, NightDruid continues to work on Dam. He launches himself into the ropes for extra momentum, but suddenly Dam is up and hits a drop toe hold on Druid.]
JT: See, he's still got fight left in him. There's an elbow drop right on Druid's lower back. Another. And another!
PA: He'll never win this match with elbow drops, and besides, we haven't seen anything resembling a game plan from Dam.
[Dam clasps Druid in a camel clutch. But he only holds on to it for a few seconds, as Brim rushes in, only to get arm dragged down to the mat.]
JT: Ouch, did you see that? Brim almost landed on NightDruid, that could have been disastrous for the Legion.
[Ref manages to get Brim out of the ring as Dam and Druid continue to wrestle. Fairly evenly matched in size, Dam's greater technical skills soon give him the edge.]
PA: Sheesh, look at Dam. He's not getting anything done, he's just holding Druid in a headlock.
JT: I think Dam is giving himself time to re-group, get himself back into this match.
[Druid manages to gain his feet, but Dam still has the headlock applied. Druid pushes Dam off to the ropes, and goes for the clothesline as Dam comes back, but with a quick duck, Dam bounces off the ropes again and launches a flying forearm that knocks the Druid down. Dam picks him up and delivers a back breaker, picks the Druid up again, this time scoop slamming him hard.]
PA: Where is that fool going now?
JT: I think he's going for the elbow drop off the turnbuckle.
[Elbow connects right over the heart of the Druid. (CROWD POP) Dam is on his feet, soaking in the cheers of the crowd.]
PA: Look at the idiot, he's not covering the Druid.
JT: Dam is just taking in the crowd.
[Dam's delaying has allowed the Druid to use the ropes to get back to his feet. Seeing Dam, back toward him, a smile spreads across his face, as he prepares to hit Lights Out on Dam.]
PA: Ha! Come on Dam, turn around! Druid goes for the Lights Out. It con...
JT: It's countered!
[Dam grabs the leg aimed for his head and quickly does a leg sweep to get the Druid on his back.]
JT: I think we know what's coming now. YES! He's locked in the Dam Builder!
[Druid is showing signs of the pain that is hitting his lower back. Earlier elbow drops and the quick camel clutch and the back breaker certainly have not helped. Ref is checking to see if Druid will tap out, but suddenly out of nowhere Brimstone rushes in to save NightDruid, ramming his knee into the back of Dam's head.]
JT: Dammit! Brimstone's interference has broken the hold. And Dam is not looking all that well. He appears groggy.
PA: What, he's wrestling drunk?!
JT: Phil, that's not... Oh, no, Smelly DDT connects!
[Brimstone drags NightDruid on Dam. The ref begins the count.]
ONE!
TWO!
THR...
JT: No! Dam got his arm on the bottom rope!
[Brimstone looks annoyed. He kicks Dam's hand off the rope. NightDruid has the sense to pin the arm against Dam's chest as Brimstone tells the ref to count again.]
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
PA: I know Legion was going to win this from the beginning.
JT: Dam put up a brave fight, but he wasn't able to gain a victory.
PA: Ah-ha, look at this Jackie, this oughta be good.
[NightDruid and Brimstone have their hands raised by the ref. Yet there is no celebration on their faces, instead they are focusing on the still-prone form of Dam lying on the mat. As one they advance on him.]
JT: Somebody help him.
PA: I don't think the Legion need help with this one.
[Suddenly the arena goes pitch black.]
PA: Hey, who cut off the power?
JT: Nobody cut off power, or we'd be off the air. The lights went out.
PA: Well somebody get off their ass and get them back on, I want to see that punk get what's coming to him.
JT: That's going to have to wait Phil. I'm being told we're ending the show now. For Phil Anderson, myself and the rest of the KEW team, hope you enjoyed it. Good night!
[Fade to black]
KENZER EMPIRE WRESTLING 2005
