[UWF/MBC] HEAVEN AND HELL TOUR (House Show)
at: Rupp Arena in Lexington, KY
July 31st, 2010
Fan Report by Devin McCluster
Thanks to some free tickets we scored from a radio station (Woo! Sports Radio 1300!) my friends and I checked out the UWF/MBC show that rolled through town. Why they'd come out here, I don't know but itís a good time kill until Wildcats football starts! We showed up early to get prime parking and we made fun of the dudes tailgating. Donny was razzing them hard. God, they were so pissed! It was awesome!
The first match was between CLAYTON ROSS and that goth punk dude DEAD BOY JONES. He's been working out or something because he's getting kind of huge. Don't know if he's popping roids or what. But check it, Ross got totally ambushed by BRAWN STEVENSON... with a BARBED WIRE WRAPPED CHAIR! It was awesome. So like Ross won by DQ.
Then we saw this tag match with all kinds of hot chicks. Who knew they could wrestle? Well.. apparently everybody in the arena. But _I_ didn't. So it was ROSE MALONE and SUMMER BLAKE going against HOLLY HOTBODY and AMBER ROGERS. There was all kinds of insane stuff in the match. One chick sang a song, another talked about stripper poles and how the other used to be a hooker. And then... and THEN... it got more crazy (and more HOT) when Eveline Eriksen and her huge bodyguard came out to the ring. I
totally didn't know the women in the match but yeah, I know who Eveline Eriksen is. I bought her swimsuit calendar supporting the poor people of Styx, Wyoming okay? OKAY? So anyways, she and Huge McGiant-Chick come out to mess with the match. Rogers and Holly got the win thanks to Eveline holding down Summer's legs when Amber pinned her. And then Eveline took Amber's guitar and smashed it over Summer's head. I think Eveline would have done more but Rose put herself in the way and her sister (Felicity?)
ran down looking like she was going to choke a bitch. So yeah, that chased the Hotness and her giant, almost hot in a weird way, friend off.
Things settled down after that... until they brought out the T-shirt canon! I almost snagged one but this punk kid got to it first. I would have taken it but his dad was like... a monster. Then ST. GEORGE AND THE DRAGON came out to face THE RUSSIAN YOUTH MOVEMENT. I'd tell you the RYM guys who wrestled but I still can't get their names right. It was a pretty good match but Adam Drake and James St. George did their awesome Dragon Slayer move and got the win. Afterwards they grabbed the house microphone and said that they were coming for Haliburton and his Problem Solvers real soon. Totally, looking forward to that!
We them got some more women's matches. When did they get this many women on the roster? Do they all have calendars like Eveline Eriksen? Aren't there other small American towns that have been devastated by the MBC? Anyways, JAN DELAGDO wrestled TARYN WELLER and had to deal with Weller's manager, Dee something. Somewhere in there it looked like the manager woman broke the heel on her shoe so she couldn't help Weller stop from getting pinned. That Delgado is a firecracker.
And by the way... why the hell wasn't Nikki the Cat on the card? The man is keeping her down!
I'd totally keep her down... but in a good way!
[BLEEP] you guys.
So then we got one of them EMPRESS CUP Matches or something. BRIANNA LANDIS wrestled the Hotness herself EVELINE ERIKSEN. Eriksen had her whole entourage with her, that fat dude Houlder and her giant. I'm told her name is Lilly, but I wouldn't know. Lilly wasn't in the calendar, unless she was dressed as a tree. Houlder was trying his best to keep Brianna from "cheating" and Lilly was looking out for Summer Blake. But I think Blake was still recovering from being hit with a guitar. The match was all over the place but it ended when Brianna rolled Eveline up from behind when she was distracted by Summer coming out of the entrance and ranting. Lilly went after her but not much you can do with the microphone volume is that loud.
So then we got another EMPRESS CUP Match. I thought Eveline's entourage was big but then I saw MIYUKI OZAKI's. She has an army... a dancing army of young hot Asian women. Now THAT is a calendar. Anyways, Ozaki faced DALBELLO RAGE in a match that was surprisingly calm. Ozaki's chicks didn't interfere so we had a straight up wrestling contest. Ozaki won with a move I had never seen before. But it was cool. I swear she touched Dalbello's ass.
Finally, it was time for the match I had been looking forward to all night. "THE DARK HORSE" RANDALL OSBOURNE facing "NIGHTHAWK" MICHAEL BONN. Despite what happened on House of Throwdowns with Trice getting thrown out of a helicopter, Bonn and Osbourne seemed pretty civil to one another. Osbourne seemed apologetic and Bonn didn't look like he was taking any of it personal. BUT their managers, Tawni Northern and Virgina St. Ursula were about ready to rip each other's heads off. Bonn and Osbourne wrestled for a while and then had to leave the ring to separate Tawni and Virginia when they started fighting. So once that was settled, Osbourne and Bonn went back to wrestling. That was cool until they had to separate Tawni and Virginia again. This kept on happening until the match ran out of time. When Insanity Society and Don't Go There wrestle at
Heaven and Hell, I expect it to be nuts. Once you add Tommy Elliot and Ryu Osawa back into the equation, Bonn and Osbourne aren't going to be civil. At all.
Why do I say that? I say that because there was a Ten Man Battle Royal in the main event. And among those ten were Tommy Elliot and Ryu Osawa. Osawa was ON FIRE with rage. He was screaming stuff like "I MUST AVENGE THE COCK!" which started an "AVENGE THE COCK!" chant from the crowd. Donny loved that! Until he ran into those fans from the parking lot he harassed and screamed it in their faces.
Yeah, Donny didn't get to see the rest of the match. Tinkle fans are mean as Hell.
So for the most part, Osawa and Elliot eliminated each other and fought into the crowd. That left Alex Martinez, John Shock, Tom Landis, Oz Rivera, Serge Annis, Rick Marley and the Chromosomes. I really thought that Annis or Martinez would have won this thing but they kept fighting with one another. Seeing this, John Shock and Tom Landis teamed up to try and eliminate the two monsters. That clearly wasn't enough so Marley and Rivera joined in. Finally, Annis and A-Mart were gone. Right after that, Shock and Landis went out since Marley and Rivera decided to quickly turn on them. So it then became Marley and Rivera versus the Chromosomes. Marley and Rivera had no choice but to team up but it didn't last long as Rivera got thrown over. I really thought that Marley was doomed here now that it was him versus the Chromosomes but the dude is a tough bastard.
He eliminated Y leaving that speedy little devil X. I think X would have won but Marley caught a lucky break when X missed a move coming off the ropes. With a toss over the ropes I almost didn't see, Marley won the battle royal.
So I don't know if the UWF/MBC will be coming back to Lexington. Maybe it'll burn down and Eveline Eriksen will shoot a calendar for our benefit. Maybe in bondage...
Did I type that?
Oh crap! Did I just send the report in?