Note: In 2000 when Josh Ritter and me were doing our tag team The Untouchables we had this idea about Pablo & Josh talking to God and we asked Charles to play God in the flash. The end results are below! Enjoy!
(We open up to a compeletely WHITE screen, yes, completely white,
standing in the middle of this are the Untouchables, Josh Ritter and
Pablo O'Connor, both men are wearing rags and have no shoes on and are
very dirty. They look to be a little dehydradited.)
Josh: *gasp* Pablo......where is this guy? Are we gonna find him?
Pablo: Of course....he's gotta be here somewhere don't you think?
Josh: Well, I really don't know....it's pretty......blank here.
(Suddenly a very volominous voice comes overhead.)
V/O: I AM HERE!!! YOU HAVE FOUND ME!!!
(Pablo and Josh look a little startled as a man floats down
from the "sky." He is wearing a white robe with a golden lace across
it, he has flowing white hair, and a long, white beard. He lands on
his feet and speaks.
Man: Ah, you two have traveled a long way
to find me, I see.
Josh: Not really, we've only been looking
for like 5 minutes, but we wound up here.
Man: Oh really?
Then why are you breathing so hard?
Josh: Well, some guy
didn't pay up for one of the hoes. You know how that goes.
Man: No, not really. But enough of your small talk. What do
you want?
Pablo: Sir, what is your name? I would like to know your name.
Man: My name is too godlike to be spoken by you petty fools, you
can call me "C."
Josh: "C" 'eh? Okay, whatever.
"C": So, what do you two idiots want?
Pablo: Well, Oh Mighty "C" we would like you to share with us
your wisdom to help us attain the WWA Tag Team
Championships!
("C" strokes his beard then looks at Josh
and Pablo.)
"C": Once upon a time there lived a mighty
elf, who could milk three cows with a dog and a milkshake
and the people all bowed and worshipped his mighty skills
and thus in this tale you shall learn of what it takes to
bake all the cake!
(Josh and Pablo stare blankly at "C".)
"C": My wisdom is immense no?
(Josh and Pablo
blink and continue to stare blankly.)
"C": Let me share
with you another tale...
("C" makes a sweeping motion with
his hand.)
"C": One time there was a goat nam"Jujolimus"
and he was a brave goat he was. Whenever a wolf would
appear, the goat would bray and charge at the wolf.
Unfortunately the wolf always ate the poor bastard but...
("C" claps his hands.)
"C": A miracle would happen each
time! Jujolimus the goat would recycle himself out of the
wolf's feces! And how surprised the wolf would be each day
to see Jujolimus standing there in front of him once more!
Of course the wolf would get over the shock and devour Jujolimus yet
again but..you see...DO YOU SEE?! Jujolims was the bee's
knee! Ha Ha! Take that wisdom and make your dreams come
true!
(Josh and Pablo stare blankly at "C".)
Josh:Okay, whatever. I guess we're not on "your level" to get that.
Just give us a simple answer. Can we beat the Odd Couple and Haplo
and can we win the WWA Tag Team Championships?
"C": Ah, of course you can, but the real answer lies in "will you?"
Pablo: Okay man, enough of this talk. Just give us a straight
answer! WILL WE WIN THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS?!
"C": The shades are kind of foggy. Now if you were WWA superstars
like say, Babyface Brawler or Rosco Riggins maybe so, but your more
on the level of Al Perez and Kraut.
(Josh and Pablo look at each other and nod then procede
to beat the living hell out of "C", Josh connects with a clothesline
knocking "C" to the ground while Pablo kicks him in the chest while
he is on the ground. Josh bends down and Pablo gets on Josh's
shoulders and jumps off and nails a "Swanton Bomb" right on the chest
of "C". Pablo is helped up by Josh and Ritter puts "C's" head
between his legs and lifts his legs in the air and the
Untouchables deliver the greatest move in wrestling history! THE
SPIKED PILEDRIVER!!!! "C's" head bounces off the "white" suface and
Josh and Pablo get up.)
Josh: *spitting on "C"* NEXT TIME!! Give us a straight answer!
Pablo: Yeah, you didn't get owned half the way we owned Team
Perverts at Spring Fling. Your lucky!
(Josh and Pablo look around at all the blankness.)
Pablo: Rant?
Josh: How about this..
(Josh clears his throat.)
Josh: The only thing we need to say is Odd Couple
and Haplo, even alongside Cactus Jac-, Bill Bartlett you will
get beat....
(Pablo stops Josh.)
Pablo: Nah, let's not do that this time.
Josh: Huh? Then what are we going to do?
Pablo: Get the hell out of here! I need to free the OJ or I'll ruin
my outfit!
Josh: (nods) Ok, let's go! I need to pour some lemonade as well!
(Josh and Pablo laugh.)
Pablo: Drain the citrus!
Josh: Make the freshly squeezed!
(They look at the ground.)
Josh: Ok, let's go.
Pablo: Yeah.
(Josh and Pablo walk off away from the blankness. Scene fades.)
