Title: WWA: Leviathan & Azrael/Jobberwocky
Description: From Early 2000
texanspaniard - January 23, 2009 02:39 PM (GMT)
WWA Monday Night Live 02/07/00
Emperor Leviathan & Azrael Oncard
(The cameras return to the arena, and gosh darnit will you look at
those chinchillas fornicate in the center of the ring…)
MANNING: We're back, and it's time for our main event-
(He is interrupted as "Aenema" by Tool plays to a HUUUUUGE heel pop.)
KNIGHT: "You were warned he was coming out here, Rich! This is the
(Out steps Commissioner Leviathan, accompanied by the monstrous Azrael,
complete with his gruesome, metallic, black and gold mask. The two
make their way to the ring.)
(Leviathan steps into the ring, while Azrael steps over the top rope,
standing forebodingly at the Commissioner's side, arms crossed.)
LEVIATHAN: "Now earlier tonight you saw the Babyface Brawler come out
here in a wheelchair. Not only does he have a hurt ankle, but a
as well. Well, let's show some footage up on the Jumbotron!"
(The footage begins to roll.)
MANNING: "Hey, it's the Halftime Madhouse! This is what happened
after it went off the air."
KNIGHT: "Even we haven't seen this, Rich. Calvin Chester and Jodi
Slate were calling this."
MANNING: "BFB and Azrael are having a staredown… that's where the show
went off the air… OH MY GOD! Leviathan sneaking up behind BFB with
that Whirlpool Kick right to the back of the head!"
KNIGHT: "BFB slumps into the arms of Azrael… who lifts him… HUGE
MANNING: "And now Leviathan's got a chair… he's wrapping it around
BFB's ankle… OH NO! He just Pillmanized him, coming off the second
rope with a stomp right to that chair! No wonder BFB's ankle is
(The footage ends. The cameras return to Leviathan in the ring,
LEVIATHAN: "You see, BFB, I told you not to cross me, but you DIDN'T
LISTEN! And now Azrael and I have cost you your place in the World
Title Tournament! You're injured, you can't compete, and so YOU'RE
MANNING: "Oh my god! That IS a huge announcement! BFB has been taken
out of the tournament!"
LEVIATHAN: "Which leaves us with three finalists… Celestial Warrior…"
(HUGE face pop)
(Another deafening face pop)
LEVIATHAN: "And Crimestarter Jim."
LEVIATHAN: "Now, how to solve this? Let me bring you back to
Wrestlemania Ten, where there was a similar situation. Three
competitors, namely Yokozuna, Bret Hart, and Lex Luger, were all
involved in the world title scenario. But Bret also had a heated feud
with his brother Owen. So we all know what happened. Yoko faced Luger
for the title. And Bret faced Owen, but regardless of the outcome of
that match, he would go on to face the winner of Yoko v. Luger later
MANNING: "What's he getting at here?"
LEVIATHAN: "In the WWA, we have a similar scenario. Three people,
namely Celestial Warrior, Evelynn, and Crimestarter Jim are involved in
the world title scenario. But Jim also has a heated feud with Logan
McKenzie. So this is what we're going to do…
…At On Location, Crimestarter Jim v. Logan McKenzie, Hell in the Cell,
LEVIATHAN: "Also happening at On Location, in a singles match, EVELYNN
v. CELESTIAL WARRIOR!"
(Another big pop)
LEVIATHAN: "And later that night, Crimestarter Jim, REGARDLESS of the
outcome of his match with
Logan McKenzie, will face the winner of the
Evelynn v. Celestial Warrior match. And the winner of THAT match will
be crowned the NEW WWA Champion at On Location!"
(Another HUGE pop.)
LEVIATHAN: "And, oh yes, at On Location something else will happen,
just to reiterate."
(He reaches up, holding the microphone to Azrael's masked face.)
AZRAEL: "Matt Cole… we shall all witness… your DISMEMBERMENT!"
(ENORMOUS heel pop.)
LEVIATHAN: (smirking) "And that's all, folks. Oh, one more thing…
those semifinal matches scheduled for next week are now cancelled for
obvious reasons. So Logan my boy, looks like you'll be main-eventing
that card against Jeb. Until next time, mutants."
(To a chorus of boos, Leviathan and Azrael leave as "Aenema" by Tool
plays over the P.A.)
MANNING: "What a blockbuster announcement! Crimestarter v. Logan in
the Hell in the Cell WILL happen at On Location, as will Evelynn v.
Celestial Warrior. And Crimestarter will go on to face the winner of
the Evelynn v. Celestial Warrior match later that night, and the winner
of THAT match will be the new WWA Champion!"
texanspaniard - January 23, 2009 02:40 PM (GMT)
WWA Monday Night Live 02/14/00
Leviathan & Job Job Bird Oncard
(The cameras return to the arena, where hundreds of little kids are
digging through the trash cans looking for their retainers. The
cameras then go to "Smack My Rich Up" Manning and Sammy "ER's Lucy"
Knight... uh, or something like that.)
MANNING: "Now it's time for--"
(He is interrupted as "Aenema" by Tool plays to a HUUUUGE heel pop!)
KNIGHT: "Hey, we're about to be graced by the presence of the
MANNING: (sarcastically) "Oh, joy."
(Out comes Emperor-turned-Commissioner Leviathan. He is a dark-skinned
Asian man, with long, wet, straight black hair parted in the center.
He is very similar in size and build to Shawn Michaels. His suit is
all black... except his tie, which instead of its usual black is red.
Also, his normally-blue contact lenses have been replaced with pinkish
red ones, and his hair is tinted pinkish-red instead of blue.)
(He is followed by Yobf Boy, the little African child who hatched from
Jobberwocky's egg, thus becoming his "son." Rather than his usual
loincloth, he wears a suit identical to Leviathan's. Furthermore, he
seems quite unusually... energetic.")
(Both of them are surrounded by a half a dozen Toki Dobis, aka midgets
in multicolored dragon suits. All the Toki Dobis are colored white,
pink, and red today.)
MANNING: "A new look for Leviathan?"
KNIGHT: "What about Yobf Boy's new look! He looks like a mini-Levi...
and look, he even looks like he's eaten once or twice lately!"
MANNING: "And the Toki Dobis are all in Valentine's Day colors!"
(The former pit-fighter steps through the ropes. He holds them open
for Yobf Boy, who comes in after him.)
LEVIATHAN: "Greetings, my Leviathanatics."
(Big heel pop.)
LEVIATHAN: "In case you were wondering about the slight change in my
appearance, I'm simply celebrating Valentine's Day. After all, I had
green eyes and hair for St. Patrick's Day last year, so it's only fair.
But there is something special about Valentine's Day. After all, it's
all about people loving each other, and I just KNOW that all of you
Leviathanatics most certainly love your Emperor."
LEVIATHAN: "But anyway, On Location is coming up shortly, so I thought
I'd make a few things clear. Matt Cole, you can run your mouth all you
want, but the fact of the matter is this: at On Location, Azrael is
going to destroy you, plain and simple."
VOICE: "Leviathan, you bastard!"
MANNING: "Huh? Who was that?"
(Everyone looks to the top of the entrance ramp, where stands a short,
pudgy man dressed in a red-feathered bodysuit. He wears orange boots
that look like talons, and he has painted his hawkish nose orange to
resemble a beak. The crowd instantly recognizes this bald, spherical
fellow as the Jobjob Bird, the sidekick of Jobberwocky, former WWA
Champion. A huge face pop greets him.)
LEVIATHAN: "What the hell are you out here for?"
JOBJOB BIRD: (standing on the top of the entrance ramp) "Well, I
don't have anything better to do. After all, after you starting
holding Yobf Boy there hostage, Jobberwocky was forced to leave the
LEVIATHAN: "Ah, yes. He's off in Australia now, I do believe,
searching for echidnas and platypi, his fellow egg-laying mammals.
That still doesn't explain why you're out here, though, you feathered
JOBJOB BIRD: "Spare me your trademark alliterative insults! I'm here
to DEMAND that you return Yobf Boy to me and allow his father back into
the World Wrestling Association!"
LEVIATHAN: "Forget it, birdbrain! That idiot Jobberwocky disappointed
me too many times! I served as his trainer, his mentor, and what did
he do? He made a fool of himself running around in that ridiculous
bird-suit! No way, Jobjob Bird. He's never coming back! And as for
his `son,' Yobf Boy, I think you'll find that he would rather stay with
(Yobf Boy wraps his arms around Leviathan's leg, looking fearful that
the Jobjob Bird may be trying to take him away.)
LEVIATHAN: "You see, Jobjob Bird, I actually FEED him! I actually
CLOTHE him! I'm an infinitely better guardian for him than Jobberwocky
MANNING: "I hate to agree with the Commish, but he might have a point."
KNIGHT: "No kidding. I bet Leviathan never tries to feed the poor kid
regurgitated worms, either."
JOBJOB BIRD: "This is absurd! Yobf Boy, come to me! It's time for
you to go home now."
(Yobf Boy doesn't move.)
LEVIATHAN: (chuckling) "You see, Jobjob Bird, Yobf Boy has no
intention of ever returning to your absurd swamp. Now get the hell out
of here before I have you removed!"
JOBJOB BIRD: (eyes narrowing) "Very well, Leviathan. But this isn't
over! Not by a long shot! Sooner than later, Jobberwocky's going to
be back in that very ring! And when he returns, your plans are all
going to unravel and fail! You've been warned."
(The Jobjob Bird walks back behind the curtain to another big face pop.)
LEVIATHAN: "Good riddance. Well, after that little interruption, I
think I'd better move along or the show will run overtime. So I'll see
you people at On Location. And if you're betting people, bet on Logan
McKenzie and Azrael. You should absolutely, positively never
evereverevereverevereverever bet against the Emperor!"
(He throws down the microphone and "Aenema" by Tool plays to a huge
pop. He, Yobf Boy, and the Toki Dobis leave the ring.)
MANNING: "It looks like the Jobjob Bird has declared war on the
KNIGHT: "That's a war he couldn't win even IF Jobberwocky was still
around. With the big goof in Australia, the Jobjob Bird holds
absolutely no stroke around here whatsover."
MANNING: "Did you just steal a catchphrase from Jeff Jarrett?"
KNIGHT: "As long as I don't start saying `slapnuts' every other
second, I'll be fine."
texanspaniard - January 23, 2009 02:41 PM (GMT)
WWA On Location PPV 02/28/00
(The cameras turn to the backstage area, and the crowd instantly begins
booing as they see the monstrous Azrael walking down the hallway. He
is a colossal man, his face covered by a gruesome metallic skull mask,
half black and half gold, which covers his entire head and neck. A
black and red cloak is draped over his shoulders. He wears black
knee-high boots, black sackcloth breeches, a black collared shirt, and
a blood-red vest on top. None of his skin is showing; not even his
eyes are visible, as they are hidden by the mesh on the eyeholes of the
(As Azrael rounds a corner, he bumps into Purple Nurple, a pudgy,
hairy-yet-bald mulatto man in purple overalls. Purple Nurple looks up
in terror for a moment, fearing that Azrael might attack him. Azrael
glares at him for a moment, and then allows him to pass.)
(Azrael then begins walking again, when Commissioner Leviathan steps
out of the shadows, grabbing Azrael by the shoulder and whirling him
around roughly. He is a very dark-skinned Asian man in an all-black
suit. His long, black hair is tinted blue and parted in the center.
He is very similar in size and build to Shawn Michaels.)
LEVIATHAN: (angrily) "What was THAT?"
(Azrael cocks his head in confusion, looking down at the Commissioner.)
LEVIATHAN: "You're a monster! You should have DESTROYED Purple Nurple
for bumping in to you! Listen, I want you to show NO mercy tonight!
It's up to YOU to cast Matt Cole out of the World Wrestling Association
forever! So NO MERCY!"
(Azrael looks angry, and he takes a step forward.)
LEVIATHAN: "Oh, you want to discuss this, big man? Looks like we're
going to have to have a little talk."
(Leviathan enters a dressing room off to the side, and Azrael follows.
The door is closed, and we hear the muffled sounds of Leviathan yelling
(Suddenly, the crowd gives a HUUUUGE face pop as the Jobjob Bird
emerges from the shadows! He is a short, pudgy man in a red-feathered
bodysuit. He wears orange boots designed like talons, and paints his
hawkish nose orange like a beak. He is bald and Caucasian.)
KNIGHT: "What the hell is he doing here?"
MANNING: "He's cracked open that door a bit, and he's spying on Azrael
KNIGHT: "Get that little spy out of here!"
MANNING: "The Jobjob Bird's eyes widening... I think he just saw
KNIGHT: "What? What did he see?"
MANNING: "I'm not sure... the Jobjob Bird now running off... uh, oh!
He bumped right into Purple Nurple!"
(Purple Nurple looks down at the Jobjob Bird, grinning lewdly.)
PURPLE NURPLE: "Well, hello, little man."
KNIGHT: "Oh my god, he's got his NIPPLE PLIERS!!!"
MANNING: "That sound just gives me the shivers! And now Purple Nurple
heaving the poor Jobjob Bird over his shoulder... and he's carrying him
KNIGHT: "Ha! The Jobjob Bird's headed off to the Nipple-Twisting
MANNING: (shuddering) "Well, I hope the Jobjob Bird can escape and
tell us what he heard Azrael and Leviathan discussing in there.
Anyway, fans, let's get started with the action."
(The cameras cut to the backstage area.)
(We see Mr. Excitement being loaded into an ambulance on a gurney...
after all, the guy _was_ hit by a rolling car. He is conscious and
resisting, though the EMT's are holding him down.)
(Standing nearby is Commissioner Leviathan.)
LEVIATHAN: (to one of the EMT's) "I don't care how much he's
resisting. He's a tough man; you can only expect him to fight it. But
I want to make sure he receives the best medical care available in this
city. Now take him away and get him back to 100 percent."
(The EMT nods and heads back to the ambulance.)
(The menacing figure of Azrael emerges from the shadows, walking up to
AZRAEL: "You seem concerned for Mr. Excitement."
LEVIATHAN: (without turning around) "He has great potential."
AZRAEL: "If he is so great, maybe you should have sent HIM to destroy
Matt Cole for you. Perhaps he would be more content to do your dirty
work than I am."
(Leviathan whirls around, an angry expression on his face. He looks
up... WAY up... at Azrael.)
LEVIATHAN: "Perhaps he would be. In fact, perhaps I _should_ begin
looking for a new member of my Corporate Team! Because YOU have been
giving me nothing but headaches for the past week!"
AZRAEL: (in a hissing tone) "Believe me, tonight I will give Matt
Cole more than a headache. Watch your tongue, my Emperor (he says the
word contemptuously), or someday YOU might suffer a similar fate."
(Azrael abruptly turns away back into the shadows, leaving Leviathan
(The cameras turn back to Rich and Sammy.)
(We find ourselves in Purple Nurple's dungeon. The walls are covered
with the most graphic pornography you've ever seen, including a REALLY
nasty picture of Chad "The Nobleman" and Hulk Hogan. The diminutive
Jobjob Bird's arms are chained, and he hangs by them from the ceiling,
his feet just barely touching the concrete floor.)
(Purple Nurple has since removed his overalls, wearing only stained
purple briefs and lavendar high heels.)
JOBJOB BIRD: "Uh... why did you undress?"
NURPLE: "I enjoy being near-naked while I twist the nipples of others
with my DREADED NIPPLE-PLIERS!!!"
JOBJOB BIRD: "Uh... I hate to break this to you, but birds don't have
nipples. We don't breastfeed."
NURPLE: (smiling lewdly) "Well, I guess I'll just have to twist
JOBJOB BIRD: (nervously) "Um... might I suggest your own nipples?"
NURPLE: (eyes darting around) "Do you smell that?"
JOBJOB BIRD: "Do I smell what?"
NURPLE: (sniffing the air) "That... smells like... like... oh, no..."
(Suddenly, the door to the dungeon is sent flying off its hinges,
falling on top of Purple Nurple and sending him crashing to the floor.
A huge, bloated man enters the dungeon to a huge pop.)
JOBJOB BIRD: "ICE COLD! You've come to save me!"
ICE COLD: (burping) "Damn right! I can't let my former Union of
Undercard Labor buddy get his nipples twisted by that freak!"
JOBJOB BIRD: "But why are you here?"
ICE COLD: "Well, like the announcers said during the
Sullivan/DessiCrator match, they like to have somebody around to take
the place of anyone who disappears unexpectedly. But for just about
the first time in months, everyone actually showed up tonight, so I
didn't have anything else to do but track down Purple Nurple's dungeon.
And thank god I did!"
JOBJOB BIRD: "The keys are on that table, Ice Cold. Unlock me so we
can get out of here! I just uncovered a huge part of Leviathan's plan
("Ice Cold" unlocks the Jobjob Bird, and the two run out of the
dungeon. The cameras then turn to Purple Nurple, who lies under the
wreckage of the door, his eyes glazing over.)
NURPLE: (nearing unconsciousness) "Porn... for everyone!"
(His head then slumps back as he slips into unconsciousness. The
cameras then turn to Rich and Sammy.)
MANNING: "Well, it looks like the Jobjob Bird has escaped Purple
Nurple's dungeon. Maybe now we'll find out what he learned from spying
on Azrael and Leviathan."
KNIGHT: "Either that or 'Ice Cold' will pass out drunk and collapse on
MANNING: "Anyway, fans, the ring has been cleared, and it's time to
get started with our second Hell in the Cell match. We've waited for
this match for SEVEN MONTHS, and now finally the time has come to see
this epic feud potentially reach its end. Let's head back up to the
texanspaniard - January 23, 2009 02:42 PM (GMT)
#9 CORPORATE LADDER MATCH (the winner must climb a ladder and claim the
contract hanging above, or be FIRED!)
Matt Cole v. Azrael
STEPHANIE: "The following contest is a CORPORATE LADDER MATCH!"
STEPHANIE: "Behind me, you see a ladder has been set up in the center
of the ring. Suspended by a cable above the ladder is a briefcase.
Inside that briefcase is a new WWA contract. He who grabs the contract
will keep his job and be declared the winner. The loser will be FIRED."
(The crowd boos.)
KNIGHT: "Ha! Even the crowd knows this is the last time they'll see
MANNING: "Don't count your chickens before they hatch, Sammy."
KNIGHT: "Or as we say around here, don't count your Yobf Boys before
("Aenema" by Tool plays to a STUNNING heel pop. The lights go out, and
dark blue spotlights flash throughout the arena.)
MANNING: "And here we go!"
STEPHANIE: "Coming down the aisle... accompanied by Commissioner
Leviathan and Yobf Boy... at near 7' feet tall and weighing 300
pounds... here is AZRAEL!!!"
(The crowd boos loudly as the threesome makes their way down to the
ring. Azrael walks out first. He is a colossal man, his face covered
by a gruesome metallic skull mask, half black and half gold, which
covers his entire head and neck. A black and red cloak is draped over
his shoulders. He wears black knee-high boots, black sackcloth
breeches, a black collared shirt, and a blood-red vest on top. None of
his skin is showing; not even his eyes are visible, as they are hidden
by the mesh on the eyeholes of the mask.)
(Walking behind him is Commissioner Leviathan, who beams proudly. He
is a very dark-skinned Asian man in an all-black suit. His long, black
hair is tinted blue and parted in the center. He is very similar in
size and build to Shawn Michaels.)
(Beside him walks Yobf Boy, the African child who hatched from
Jobberwocky's egg. Once starving, he now looks fairly well-fed. He
wears an all-black suit just like Leviathan's, and seems quite taken
with his new guardian. He munches on a cheeseburger as he walks to the
KNIGHT: "Look how happy Yobf Boy is! He's much better off ever since
Leviathan took him from Jobberwocky."
MANNING: "Well, Leviathan does seem to keep him better fed than the
bird man did. But Jobberwocky obviously cares for Yobf Boy... after
all, the reason he's not in the WWA anymore is because Leviathan is
holding Yobf Boy hostage, and Jobberwocky didn't want to risk the boy's
safety by sticking around."
KNIGHT: "Yep, and now that idiot is off in Australia looking for his
fellow egg-laying mammals. But enough talk about Yobf Boy, Rich. The
REAL acquisition here is that seven-foot monster in the ring! Ever
since Leviathan gained the employment of Azrael, he's been more
dangerous than ever before."
MANNING: "Well, don't underestimate how dangerous Matt Cole can be,
KNIGHT: "Shut up, Rich."
MANNING: "And now Leviathan ordering Azrael into the ring... and
Azrael seems hesitant. We've saw some friction developing between
these two on a recent episode of War of the Words, as well as earlier
KNIGHT: "Azrael has ambition, too, Rich. He probably thinks HE should
be the one giving the orders, not Leviathan."
MANNING: "Azrael now heading into the ring, and boy, Stephanie looks
(Azrael grabs the microphone.)
MANNING: "The big guy's looking at Leviathan, who's motioning him to
speak. I think the Commissioner might have prepared Azrael's lines for
AZRAEL: "Matt Cole... tonight... I END you."
(The crowd boos loudly as Azrael tosses the microphone back at
KNIGHT: "Short and to the point... I like this man's style."
(The stadium goes dark to a big pop.)
(The Jumbotron is also black... until a blood-red circle is drawn on it
and a sword drops down through it. The arena is still dark, and the
opening harmonica part of "Got No Shame" by Brother Cane plays over the
P.A. to a HUGE face pop.)
STEPHANIE: "Heading down the aisle... from Crossroads, Mississippi...
at 6'5", 245 pounds... here
is MATT COOOOOOOOLE!!!"
(When the lights come up, Matt Cole is standing at the top of the
entrance ramp. He heads down the entrance ramp with an 'all-business'
expression on his face. He has a Scott Hall-esque build, and has a
black sun tattoo on the palm of his right hand. His long black hair is
lose except for a braided piece that goes down the center of his back.
His goatee is short, and his eyes are steel blue and determined. He
wears a black leather biker's jacket with a silver sword pointing
downward with a red circle around it on the back. Underneath he wears
a blue denim collared workshirt with the sleeves cut off, revealing a
Marine devildog tattoo on his left shoulder and a black chinese-style
dragon tattoo on his right when he removes the jacket. He wears a pair
of blue jeans ripped at the knees and a pair of jet black Marine jump
boots that lace up to the bottom of his knee. His trademark kempo
gloves and forearm pads have been replaced this evening by tape on his
fists and forearms. He runs to the ring, taking off his jacket as he
MANNING: "Cole rushing to the ring, showing no fear... and HE STARTS
WAILING AWAY AT AZRAEL RIGHT AWAY!"
KNIGHT: "I can't believe this! This man is suicidal!"
MANNING: "Matt Cole slamming into Azrael with a flurry of vicious
punches... Azrael is rocked! Cole continuing to poor it on... he grabs
Azrael's arm and pulls him forward... short clothesline! But the big
man doesn't go down!"
KNIGHT: "He's wobbly, though! I can't believe this!"
MANNING: "Matt Cole lifting the ladder... GOOD LORD! Cole just swung
the ladder right into Azrael, knocking the big man to the mat! Who
would have ever thought Azrael would be the first man down?"
KNIGHT: "Not me! I'm in shock!"
MANNING: "Azrael getting up to his feet... Matt Cole off the ropes...
he's charging... and Azrael sneaks in a high kick right to the face!
Cole is sent to the mat, and Azrael has calmly taken control after that
opening flurry from Cole."
KNIGHT: "And Leviathan looks mighty pleased on the outside."
MANNING: "And speaking of the outside, LOOK! Of all people, SAXON is
heading down the entrance ramp!"
(Saxon has loose, shoulder-length, jet-black hair. He has a tattoo of
a pair of snake eyes on his right shoulder, and he has extremely
well-toned upper body muscles. He also has the scar from a knife wound
down his left side. He wears white wrestling tights with blue-grey
flames shooting from the bottom of the legs; these flames have a teal
outline. On the rear is the black image of a bullet hole.)
KNIGHT: "Saxon?!? We haven't seen him in forever! What's he doing
MANNING: "Why don't you ask him?"
(Saxon walks down to ringside, grabbing a headset but not sitting down.)
MANNING: "Huge elbowdrop from Azrael on Matt Cole!"
KNIGHT: "Hey, pay attention to Saxon for a moment, Rich!"
SAXON: "Thank you, Sammy. And for everyone's information, I'm here to
support Matt Cole. We ex-rookies have to stick together, and I've
never had any love for Azrael after he was pulled so quickly from the
WWARD and had everything handed to him on a silver platter."
MANNING: "So you're back to help Matt Cole?"
SAXON: "I'm back for one man, Rich Manning, and that's Saxon. I'm
here to fulfill my dreams and achieve success here in the WWA. And
along the way, I may have to get my hands on the Hot-Blooded Latins,
specifically Eric Hurley. I remember that punk back from the WWARD,
and I've got plans for him. Mark my words."
(Saxon tosses down the headset and begins circling the ring.)
MANNING: "This is certainly a night of surprises. And inside the
ring, we haven't missed much... Azrael has got a combination
shoulder-nerve-hold and a claw-hold on Matt Cole... Cole is in a lot of
KNIGHT: "So am I... submission wrestling sucks!"
MANNING: "Azrael applying the pressure... but Matt Cole fights back!
Elbow to the midsection! And another... No! Azrael with a kneelift,
stopping Cole cold!"
KNIGHT: "I told you this would be a massacre!"
MANNING: "Azrael grabs Cole by the hair... and slams him down
face-first INTO THE LADDER! That ladder has been lying on the mat
since Cole used it as a weapon earlier, and now the tables have been
KNIGHT: "Azrael is just so strong... he threw Matt Cole down like a
MANNING: "Azrael now picking up Cole... and he tosses him through the
second rope to the outside! This monster is continuing to manhandle
KNIGHT: "You haven't seen the half of it! Azrael climbing to the top
MANNING: "Oh, no! Don't tell me this three-hundred pound man is going
to jump from the top rope to the outside! No... NO! Azrael jumps...
NOOO!!! COLE WITH A HIGH KICK TO AZRAEL ON THE WAY DOWN!!! That hit
Azrael right in the heart!"
KNIGHT: "Assuming he _has_ a heart..."
MANNING: "Matt Cole has taken control here! He's heading over to the
timekeeper's table... oh, god! He's grabbed a chair!"
KNIGHT: "Get up, Azrael! Get out of there!"
MANNING: "Cole with the chair!... he's going after Azrael! Azrael is
MANNING: "GOOD LORD! Cole just BASHED that chair against Azrael's
KNIGHT: "Hey, this is a Ladder Match, not a Chair Match! Do
MANNING: "This match is no-DQ, Sammy, and neither Austin Cooper, nor
Commissioner Leviathan on the outside, can do anything about this
brutality! Azrael hobbling on one leg... Cole with a Muai Thai knee to
the stomach! Azrael keels over... CHAIR SHOT TO THE BACK!!!"
(The crowd is INCREDIBLY loud.)
MANNING: "Cole in on fire! Cole is on fire! He's not wasting the
biggest opportunity of his career, Sammy! He's taking it right to the
KNIGHT: "This is insane! Azrael's a mythical icon here in the WWA!
There's no way Matt Cole could ever beat him... is there?!?"
MANNING: "And Azrael is down... Cole raises the chair another time...
and Azrael rolls under the ring to avoid another chairshot!"
KNIGHT: "The man's got brains as well as brawn, Rich."
MANNING: "And Cole slides back into the ring... and he's setting up
MANNING: "This crowd is SUPER hot as Cole climbs up to the first rung!"
KNIGHT: "This can't be happening!"
MANNING: "Cole heading up the ladder... taking another step... OH MY
KNIGHT: "HOLY CRAP!!!"
MANNING: "AZRAEL'S HAND JUST SHOT THROUGH THE RING MAT!!! AZRAEL HAS
BURST THROUGH THE MAT TO GRAB COLE'S LEG!"
KNIGHT: "And with ease, he pulls Cole back down into the hole! This
is just like how he abducted Akira Shinju, Rich!"
MANNING: "Once again, Azrael has torn through a ring mat! And now he
pulls Matt Cole down underneath the ring with him! And a cloud of
smoke emerges from that hole!"
KNIGHT: "This is so weird, Rich! And not 'funny-weird' like most
weird stuff in this fed. This is just spooky!"
(Suddenly, a chorus of boos erupts from the crowd.)
MANNING: "Azrael has climbed out of the hole! What happened to Matt
KNIGHT: "He's dead, Rich! That's why this crowd is booing, Saxon is
fretting, and Leviathan is grinning."
VOICE: "He's not dead, Sammy."
MANNING: "Whoa! Ladies and gentlemen, Evelynn has joined us at the
KNIGHT: "Sneaking through the crowd like your loverboy Edge, I see."
MANNING: "Be nice, Sammy. Evelynn just took a tough loss earlier
EVELYNN: "Well, there's no shame in losing to Celestial Warrior,
especially since he'll probably become the new WWA champion later
tonight. Anyway, I'm out here to support Matt Cole. He and I have
been training lately, you know."
KNIGHT: "Well, it didn't do _you_ any good, and it looks like it's not
going to do Matt Cole any good, either! He's about to be fired!
Azrael's climbing the ladder!"
EVELYNN: "This match is so unfair to Cole. Ladder matches totally
favor the taller guy. Azrael probably has to climb two fewer rungs
than Cole does to reach the briefcase."
MANNING: "Azrael on the bottom rung, and Leviathan is pounding on the
apron, encouraging him! Azrael is reaching up... NO! COLE HAS EMERGED
FROM BENEATH THE RING!!!"
KNIGHT: "And he's got his right hand and forearm wrapped in BARBED
EVELYNN: "He's not going to let Leviathan take away his career and all
he's worked for, guys. That's all there is to it."
MANNING: "GOOD LORD! Cole punching away at Azrael's weakened knee
with that barbed-wire fist! Azrael stumbles to the mat... SPINNING
BACK FIST BY COLE! He just smashed that barbed-fire fist against
KNIGHT: "Thank god for that mask!"
MANNING: "Azrael's staggered... Cole with a Vader-esque forearm shot,
bashing that barbed wire against the mask again! Azrael is in a daze
against the ropes... Cole bounces off the ropes on the opposite side,
jumping over that hole in the center of the ring... he comes back...
AND AZRAEL BACK-BODY-DROPS HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!"
KNIGHT: "With Azrael's height, Matt Cole must have fallen a good
fifteen feet there! Right on the concrete!"
EVELYNN: "Matt has got to get that mask off if he's going to do any
KNIGHT: "Are you kidding? No one's ever seen Azrael's face before!"
MANNING: "Azrael rolling to the outside... he's limping pretty badly."
KNIGHT: "Dammit, Azrael, forget Cole! Just grab the briefcase and end
MANNING: "Azrael's pulling that barbed wire off of Matt Cole's arm,
lacerating it several times over in the process!"
KNIGHT: "Yes! Blood!"
MANNING: "Cole in pain... Azrael grabbing him... NO!!! HIPTOSS RIGHT
ONTO THE TIMEKEEPER'S TABLE! Cole just plummeted right through it!"
KNIGHT: "More proof that Azrael is just too powerful for Matt Cole."
EVELYNN: "Matt knows he can't match power with Azrael, Rich. Why do
you think he's been attacking the knees?"
MANNING: "Matt Cole struggling to one knee... Azrael grabs him by the
hair... and BASHES his face against the turnbuckle post! And now
Azrael rolls back into the ring."
KNIGHT: "Good! Get up there and grab the briefcase, you gothic goof!"
MANNING: "Azrael limping toward the ladder..."
EVELYNN: "Thank god Matt has been attacking the knee... Azrael has
really been slowed down here! Matt's got extra time to recover before
Azrael can climb the ladder!"
MANNING: "Azrael gingerly places his good leg on the first rung of the
ladder... and here comes Matt Cole! The crowd erupts as Cole slides
back into the ring!"
EVELYNN: "Hurry, Matt!"
MANNING: "Azrael sees him coming... he drops back down on the mat.
Azrael with a big punch... but Cole blocks it... and hits a big right
of his own! Azrael with another attempt... blocked... Cole counters
with another punch! And Azrael stumbles back, falling into that hole
in the ring!"
(The crowd roars. Azrael falls back in the hole, with his head and
arms still outside it.)
KNIGHT: "What the hell is Cole doing! He's down on his knees,
wrenching at Azrael's head!"
EVELYNN: "He's trying to pull the mask off!"
KNIGHT: "But he can't pull off his mask! Azrael's probably really
ugly under there!"
EVELYNN: "He may be ugly... but he's BUFF."
EVELYNN: "Inside joke with me and the Capitol."
KNIGHT: "You joke around with THE CAPITOL?!?!?"
MANNING: "Ahem... back to the match! Cole wrenching furiously at that
mask... he's either going to pull that mask off or break Azrael's neck
KNIGHT: "I don't like those choices, Rich! He'll never get that mask
off... the thing covers the big guy's entire head!"
EVELYNN: "Yeah, Azrael hasn't shown a single inch of skin since his
KNIGHT: "Complaining about the lack of goth nudity, I see. First you
have a crush on Edge, now Azrael."
EVELYNN: "Please. Oh, no! Azrael just got a thumb to Matt's eye!"
MANNING: "Cole clutching his eye in pain, and Azrael pushing himself
out of the hole. Cole going for the attack again as Azrael is still
down on one knee... and Azrael sneaks in a throat punch! And Cole
staggers into the corner, struggling to breathe!"
KNIGHT: "And just like that, Azrael takes control again!"
MANNING: "Azrael fighting through that bad knee, charging at Cole...
STINGER SPLASH... MISSES!!! The quicker Cole moves out of the way!
Azrael's chest smashes against the turnbuckle... now he whirls around
and begins to stagger out of the corner..."
KNIGHT: "Cole gets a rear-waist-lock!..."
MANNING: "GERMAN SUPLEX INTO THE TURNBUCKLE!!! COLE JUST SUPLEXED
EVELYNN: "Azrael's head just got smashed against that bottom
turnbuckle pad! The neck isn't meant to bend that way!"
(Outside the ring, Leviathan fumes while Saxon looks on approvingly.
Yobf Boy continues to eat the various goodies he's stored in his
MANNING: "Both men are down and completely spent... and we've got a
crowd of 79,453 stomping in unison, trying to rally Matt Cole! It is
absolutely deafening in here!"
KNIGHT: "Yep, everyone is pretty engrossed... except Yobf Boy, that
is. He seems more engrossed in his Suzy-Q's."
EVELYNN: (sighing) "I miss my surrogate child."
KNIGHT: "Well, there's certainly more of him to miss since Leviathan
showed up and started, you know, FEEDING HIM and stuff."
MANNING: "Both men starting to stir... Cole is crawling toward the
ladder... and Azrael has pulled himself up on the ropes!"
EVELYNN: "Hurry, Matt!"
MANNING: "Cole up to one knee... but Azrael approaching! Cole stands
up... he throws a punch at Azrael... but Azrael blocks it... OH, NO!
Azrael counters by grabbing Cole's neck!"
MANNING: "Azrael lifting Cole... CHOKESLAM!!! THIS MASSIVE FACILITY
SHAKES WITH THE IMPACT!!!"
KNIGHT: "Well, not literally."
MANNING: "That has to be it! Cole is out! He's gone! No one gets up
EVELYNN: "Wait! Azrael dropped to one knee as he delivered that
EVELYNN: "So, I think he dropped down on that injured knee!"
MANNING: "You're right, Evelynn! Azrael just dropped his own injured
knee on the mat, with all of his weight behind it! He's clutching it
in pain... I'm not sure he can stand!"
KNIGHT: "Oh, he can stand, Rich! Azrael is the MAN! Nothing can stop
MANNING: "Azrael slowly... VERY slowly... forcing his way to his feet.
Azrael now hobbling toward the ladder... he's limping around that hole
in the ring..."
KNIGHT: "He's made it! Azrael putting one foot up on the bottom rung."
MANNING: "And now he slowly lifts his injured leg, placing the other
foot on the rung."
EVELYNN: "Hey, Matt Cole's starting to rise! Listen to the crowd!"
MANNING: "Azrael puts one leg up on the second rung... and HERE COMES
COLE! Cole with a punch to Azrael's gut... and another! And one to
that injured knee! And Azrael's injured leg falls off the rung...
Azrael hanging on by his left hand and left foot only!"
KNIGHT: "Azrael's going to fall!"
MANNING: "Cole reaches up and grabs Azrael by the neck... GOOD GOD!
TWO-HANDED CHOKE POWERBOMB OFF THE LADDER!!! OH MY GOD!!! OH MY
KNIGHT: "WHA... WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?"
EVELYNN: "I'll tell you what's going on! Matt Cole is defying ALL his
naysayers and taking it to Azrael!"
MANNING: "Azrael may have been knocked out, and now Cole is forcing
himself to his feet! I have never seen a more determined look on this
man's face! This crowd is roaring and Cole is CLIMBING!"
KNIGHT: "NO! Don't let it end this way! PLEASE!!!"
MANNING: "Cole on the first rung!"
KNIGHT: "No! NOOO!"
MANNING: "Cole climbing to the second rung!"
KNIGHT: "AZRAEL SITS UP!!!"
KNIGHT: "He's up! Azrael is back to one knee!"
MANNING: "Cole up on the third rung... but he hears the crowd warning
him! He looks over his shoulder and sees Azrael stalking toward him!"
KNIGHT: "He'll never reach the briefcase in time!"
MANNING: "Azrael approaching... AND COLE LEAPS! AX KICK OFF THE THIRD
KNIGHT: "NO!!! Azrael caught him in MID-AIR!!! He heaves him up on
his shoulder... POWERSLAM!!!"
EVELYNN: "Oh my lord! That may have broken Matt in half! I've got to
go check on him!"
KNIGHT: "You've gotta WHAT?!?"
(Evelynn throws down her headset and heads into the ring!)
KNIGHT: "I can't believe this, Rich! What the hell is that stupid
MANNING: "I can't believe it either! Both men are down... but Azrael
is starting to stir! He's back on one knee!"
KNIGHT: "Evelynn's in there now... she's helping Matt Cole back to his
feet! Stop this, Cooper!"
MANNING: "This is No-DQ, Sammy... all interference is totally illegal!
As are foreign objects; Azrael is grabbing the ladder!"
KNIGHT: "And Evelynn is pulling Cole up!"
MANNING: "Azrael whirls around, swinging that ladder... AND EVELYNN
PUSHES COLE OUT OF THE WAY AND GETS HIT HERSELF! EVELYNN JUST
SACRIFICED HERSELF FOR COLE!!!"
KNIGHT: "I can't believe it... Azrael just hit Evelynn! I think it
was an accident, though!"
MANNING: "Definitely... he didn't even see Evelynn in the ring. And
now... I can't believe it! Azrael appears to be CHECKING on Evelynn!
What's up with THAT?!?"
KNIGHT: "I don't know, but Matt Cole is back on his feet and he
DOESN'T LIKE IT! He looks furious!"
MANNING: "Cole looking to avenge Evelynn, though Azrael's hitting her
was definitely an accident. But I don't think Cole realizes that!
Azrael tending to Evelynn... and Cole grabs the big man from behind...
WOW! A wild flurry of punches rocks the big man... Matt Cole is
totally on fire here! Cole bounces against the ropes... Azrael goes
for a clothesline... Cole ducks under it and spins around... FLOAT-OVER
DDT ON THE BIG GUY!!!"
KNIGHT: "Now Cole the idiot is tending to Evelynn, too... and Saxon is
telling him to go climb the ladder!"
MANNING: "And Cole rolls Evelynn gently out of the ring into Saxon's
arms, and he lays her down safely on the ring mat. And now Cole
heading for the ladder again!"
KNIGHT: "Hey, look! Yobf Boy is checking on Evelynn! I think he
MANNING: "And I don't think Leviathan wants that! He's leading Yobf
Boy away from her, sending him up the entrance ramp."
(Yobf Boy walks about halfway up and turns around, watching.)
KNIGHT: "And speaking of the entrance way, look who's RUNNING DOWN
(The crowd ERUPTS into boos!)
MANNING: "LOGAN McKENZIE! Logan's running down the aisle! What
resolve! How is this man still standing after the Hell in the Cell
match just moments ago?"
KNIGHT: (yelling) "C'mon, Logan! Matt's almost to the top!"
MANNING: "Cole on the third rung! He's reaching up for the briefcase!"
KNIGHT: "But here comes Logan! He slides into the ring... and now
he's climbing up the opposite side!"
MANNING: "Cole reaching for it... NO! Logan is up there on the
opposite side, and he nails Cole with a big right hand! And another!"
KNIGHT: "Yes! Cole is stunned!"
MANNING: "Logan reaches around, grabbing Cole's head... he leaps... OH
MY GOD! OH MY GOD! MILE-HIGH DDT OFF THE LADDER! HE JUST IMPALED
MATT COLE'S HEAD INTO THE MAT!!!"
KNIGHT: "And just like that, Logan is leaving the ring area. And
Leviathan looks overjoyed... he gives Logan a big pat on the back as he
walks back up the entrance way! Listen to these boos!"
MANNING: "These boos are well-deserved! Logan didn't even check on
Evelynn while he was down here!"
KNIGHT: "Please, Rich! Logan had no way of seeing Evelynn lying
there, nearly beneath the freakin' ring!"
MANNING: "Okay, okay, but he's still a jerk for attacking Cole! And
now Cole is down, and Azrael is starting to stir!"
(In the meantime, Yobf Boy stands in the middle of the entrance way,
KNIGHT: "Yes! Climb the ladder, Azrael! GET COLE FIRED!!!"
MANNING: "I can't believe this! This is how it's going to end for
KNIGHT: "Say goodbye to him, Rich! It all ends here! Azrael's on the
MANNING: "There's no way Cole's getting up after that Mile-High DDT
off the ladder... I guess this really is the end for Matt Cole... what
a tragedy, what a disgrace, what a--"
IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLALALALALALA WHAT THE WOCK IS
(The crowd EXPLODES!!! "_Wock_ This Way," a slight variation of the
Aerosmith song, plays on the P.A.)
MANNING: "WHAT THE--"
KNIGHT: "No! NO NOOOO NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
MANNING: "Look! Running down the entrance ramp... it's the JOBJOB
KNIGHT: "DAMMIT! Damn Purple Nurple for not keeping him locked in his
MANNING: "Azrael has stopped ascending the ladder, watching as the
red-feathered fellow comes down the aisle! And the Jobjob Bird grabs
(The song stops playing.)
MANNING: "Leviathan looking to intercept... but Saxon blocks him!"
KNIGHT: "You'd better move out of the way, Saxon, or your return is
going to be a REALLY short one!"
MANNING: "NOT SO FAST!!! EVELYNN NAILED LEVIATHAN WITH A LOW BLOW
FROM BEHIND!!! LEVIATHAN IS DOWN!!!"
KNIGHT: "I thought Evelynn was down! How'd she get up from that
MANNING: "She's one tough lady, Sammy! And now the Jobjob Bird rolls
Yobf Boy into the ring and slides after him! And he's pushing Yobf Boy
KNIGHT: "What? What's going on!"
MANNING: "Azrael hops down from the ladder... he's just staring at
Yobf Boy! And now he looks at Leviathan, writhing helplessly on the
floor! And... OH MY GOD! Did a TEAR just drip down from the mesh
eyehole of that mask?!?"
KNIGHT: "Wha--- WHAT?"
MANNING: "Oh my lord... Azrael reaches up... he GRABS HIS MASK...
..HE'S TAKING IT OFF!!!"
KNIGHT: "Oh, no... don't say it's..."
MANNING: "IT'S JOBBERWOCKY!!! THAT'S JOBBERWOCKY UNDER THE
MASK!!!!!!!!!!! FORMER WWA CHAMPION JOBBERWOCKY!!!!!!"
KNIGHT: "WHAT THE [BLEEP]?!?!?!?!"
MANNING: "I... I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!"
KNIGHT: "I CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS!!!"
MANNING: "Jobberwocky with a tear in his eye... he lifts Yobf Boy to
his chest, enveloping him in a huge hug! FATHER AND SON HAVE BEEN
KNIGHT: "Yeah, but look at Leviathan! He's up... he grabs Saxon from
behind... and hurls him right into Evelynn! Both of them take a
stumble on the concrete! And now the former pit-fighter slides into
the ring! And he looks furious!"
MANNING: "Azrael... I mean, Jobberwocky, drops Yobf Boy to his feet...
OH, NO! Leviathan clotheslining Jobberwocky over the top rope! He
takes a stumble to the floor!"
(Suddenly, the crowd ERUPTS!!!)
MANNING: "Oh my god! Matt Cole is getting back up... and Evelynn
sliding him a steel chair from the outside!"
KNIGHT: "Oh, no! OH, NO!"
MANNING: "Leviathan shouting at Jobberwocky on the outside..."
MANNING: "GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!!! GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY!!! COLE JUST
CRASHED THAT STEEL CHAIR AGAINST THE COMMISH'S BACK, SENDING HIM FLYING
OVER THE TOP ROPE!!!"
KNIGHT: "He falls right into the arms of Jobberwocky... NOOO!!!!
WOCK BOTTOM ON THE CONCRETE!!! WOCK BOTTOM!!!"
MANNING: "Now Cole's climbing the ladder! The Jobjob Bird holding it
steady as he ascends... he's on the first rung!"
KNIGHT: "NO! Get up, Leviathan!"
MANNING: "He's on the second!"
KNIGHT: "Where's Logan?"
MANNING: "He's on the THIRD!"
KNIGHT: "Please say the REAL Rip Grimms is around here somewhere!"
MANNING: "He reaches up..."
MANNING: "YEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!! MATT COLE GRABS THE BRIEFCASE!!!!"
DING DING DING
("Got No Shame" by Brother Cane plays to a STUNNING face pop!)
MANNING: (yelling himself hoarse) "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I CAN'T
BELIEVE IT! MATT COLE HAS DONE IT! MATT COLE STICKS IT TO THE COMMISH
AND KEEPS HIS JOB!"
KNIGHT: "And Leviathan's hobbling back up the entrance way, shouting
curses the whole way through!"
MANNING: "Saxon in to give Cole a pat on the back, and now Evelynn
gives him a hug. And the Jobjob Bird and Yobf Boy help Jobberwocky
back into the ring."
KNIGHT: "Jobberwocky's walking over to Cole... this could be trouble!"
MANNING: "No! Wocky extends his hand... these two are allies, Sammy,
KNIGHT: "And now the Jobjob Bird's got a microphone!"
JOBJOB BIRD: "You see, everyone, when I spied on Leviathan and
'Azrael,' I discovered that Rip Grimms had NEVER returned! Leviathan
had abducted Yobf Boy and held him hostage, and forced Jobberwocky to
masquerade as Rip, renamed Azrael, and do his bidding."
MANNING: "So THAT'S what happened! Jobberwocky was forced into
JOBJOB BIRD: "But once I escaped Purple Nurple's dungeon, I ran down
here and brought Jobberwocky back his son! And once he had his son
back safely, he had no reason to serve Leviathan anymore! And so now
we have the OLD WOCKY BACK!"
(Everyone cheers, except maybe Yobf Boy, who had sorta gotten used
to... you know... EATING.)
(Jobberwocky takes the microphone from his tubby sidekick.)
JOBBERWOCKY: "Finally... the Wock... has COME BACK... to his old
identity! No more gothic masquerading! Leviathan has no power over me
anymore, and Matt Cole, I thank you for giving me the fight of my life
tonight and ruining Leviathan's plans! And now, I think it's time that
all of us make like Too Cool and do a CELEBRATORY DANCE!!!"
MANNING: "Matt Cole's music has started playing again, and everyone in
the ring is DANCING!"
KNIGHT: "And of course, the birdmen are doing the Funky Chicken! Big
MANNING: "Hey, look at Saxon... he does a mean Robot!"
KNIGHT: "I had no idea Matt Cole knew how to Vogue!"
MANNING: "And is Evelynn doing the kazatsky? That Russian dance where
you squat and stick out your legs?!?"
KNIGHT: "God, leave it to the return of the bird people to bring back
stupidity to the fed in full force!"
MANNING: "And now Evelynn and Jobberwocky both embrace Yobf Boy...
what proud parents they are!"
MANNING: "And Matt Cole starts climbing each ringpost, and the fans
are absolutely yelling their heads off for him! What a moment!
KNIGHT: "Wait... now he's coming out here!"
Manning: OH NO!!!!Cole is a bloody mess..but he is making his way to
the Announce table.
Knight: I wonder what Cole-slaw wants... he has had the (bleep) kicked
out of him tonight!
*Cole walks up to the table and looks at both announcers then focuses
on Sammy Knight*
Knight: (With false concern) Matt, are you ok?
*Cole looks like he is about dead*
Cole: You called me a dead man Knight... I had no chance...
Knight: Geez, Matt...buddy... just trying to sell the match... you know
Cole: Ok.... then sell this!
*Cole lunges forward and pushes Sammy right out of his chair, right to
the floor. The crowd roars in approavl. Cole then points at Rich
Cole: You NEVER..sell me short again... Mic jockey... or your ass will
get the same!
MANNING: "Matt Cole now heading up the entranceway with his friends in
tow, who lead him to the EMT's in the back. What a match, fans. And
there's still more to come."
KNIGHT: (getting back in his chair) "I can't believe that idiot just
pushed me! I'm gonna... I'm gonna--"
MANNING: "Calm down, Sammy. Compose yourself... we've got another
match to call. Up next is the IN title match!"
KNIGHT: "Well, if anything COULD put me in a good mood after that
match, it's seeing two of my favorite wrestlers kick the crap out of Al
MANNING: "Fans, let's head to the trailer park and give the crew here
in the Silverdome time to repair the ring."
texanspaniard - January 23, 2009 02:43 PM (GMT)
(The cameras turn to the backstage area. We see Commissioner Leviathan
staggering through the basement, holding his back in pain.)
LEVIATHAN: (mumbling to himself) "Dammit, NOTHING has gone right
tonight! That infernal Jobberwocky! Oh, well, he may not have taken
out Matt Cole, but I'm sure I can find someone else to do that. At
least 'the Wock' abducted Akira Shinju before he turned on me. At
least he'll be out of my hair from now on."
(Leviathan enters a part of the basement, finding himself in Big Momma
Bear's "office." Big Momma Bear, a member of the Corporate Security
Team, is a hugely fat, hideous woman. She sits in a folding chair,
watching soaps on a small black-and-white television, eating twinkies.)
LEVIATHAN: "Big Momma Bear, where's Akira? I'm having a bad night,
and I want to give him another Singapore caning session to alleviate my
BIG MOMMA BEAR: (absently) "He's still chained up in the back."
(Leviathan walks to the back, discovering a pair of broken shackles!)
LEVIATHAN: "WHAT? Big Momma Bear, there's no one here! Akira Shinju
BIG MOMMA BEAR: "That's not possible. In fact, Azrael came in here a
while ago to make sure he was still shackled up back there."
LEVIATHAN: "AZRAEL?!? You idiot, Azrael is Jobberwocky! He came back
here right underneath your nose and set Akira free! Dammit, I deal
with utter INCOMPETENCE!"
(Leviathan sends his fist through a wooden wall in anger, then proceeds
to storm out of the basement. All the while, Big Momma Bear continues
to eat her twinkies, immersed in the T.V."
(The cameras return to Rich and Sammy.)
MANNING: "Leviathan certainly hasn't had a good night."
KNIGHT: "And he's bound to have more bad nights now that Akira has
texanspaniard - January 27, 2009 03:18 PM (GMT)
WWA Monday Night Live 03/13/00
Leviathan & Kraut oncard
(The cameras return to the arena.)
(Suddenly, "Aenema" by Toll blares over the PA to a HUUUUUGE heel po)
(Through the entranceway comes Commissioner Leviathan. He is Asian and very
dark skinned, and his long, straight black hair is parted in the center and
tinted blue. He is about six feet tall looking to be of impressive
musculature: he is very similar in size to Shawn Michaels. He wear a suit,
shirt, and tie that are all black. Blue lights flash throughout the arena
as Leviathan smiles wryly at the disapproving crowd. He walks towards the
ring and enters, mocking the crowd)
Leviathan: Right now, I am not a happy man. Jobberwocky, you may think you
got the best of me, but your time is coming. I'm not finished with you or
your son, not by a longshot.
Manning: The Commish looks pretty peeved.
Leviathan: Jobberwocky aside, On Location was pretty good for the Corporate
team. Jose got his wish of Crimestarter Jim to win the title and I found a
young man who will be totally loyal to me. Yes, this wrestler has a huge
future in the WWA, and with me by his side, nothing will stop him. That's
right folks, the newest addition to my Corporate Team is...
(The lights dim and "He's Got Game" by Public Enemy blares over the PA to a
TREMENDOUS face pop!)
Manning: Oh my, that's Kraut's musi,c and Leviathan does not seem too
pleased to have his party broken up by the NATV Champion.
(We see a giant afro poke out from the current area and than "Mr.
Excitement" Tim Sullivan emerges sporting a HUUUGE Afro! The crowd starts
to boo extremely loudly once they realize they've been duped. Sullivan is
wearing a tight, white wifebeater and baggy blue jeans. He stands at the
top of the ramp glares around at the crowd, lets out a big scream, and than
runs fullspeed towards the ring. He slides underneath the bottom rope and
jumps around, almost knocking his afro off in the process. Sweet Jain
follows her man bouncing towards the ring, carrying the paddle, Ol’ Lucky.)
Manning: Oh MY GOD!
Knight: Yes, this is great he looks just like Kraut!
Manning: Except that Kraut is black and Sullivan is a crazy Irishman.
Leviathan: (Smirking and trying his best not to laugh) Here is my newest
Excitement: (Doing his best Kraut impression) Hey man, that’s SaurKraut to
you. See, I'm here to talk about that jive talking turkey, Mr. Excitement.
Now, I just don't dig that cat. He done hit me with a hockey stick, and
that's just not cool, baby. I mean, I know I'm a Shaft wannabe, but that's
no reason to try and steal my flow. Damn! If I wasn't such a sucka I'd
slap the taste right out of Mr. Excitement's mouth. But that Tim, he's one
Leviathan and Sweet Jain: Shut your mouth!
Excitement: But I'm just talking about Tim!
Leviathan and Sweet Jain: Than I can dig it!
Excitement: (Taking off his wig) You see Kraut, I am a bad motherf*&^%$!
Manning: Whoa, lets keep this G-rated.
Knight: Yeah like the WWA's ever G-rated.
Manning: Well, we used to have Barney.
Knight: Yeah, like Barney was EVER G-rated around here!
Excitement: Ever since I joined the WWA, I've been ambushed by several
different wrestlers and I never had anyone to watch my back. But now
(motioning towards Levi) with the good Commissioner's tutelage and guidance,
I'm going to go all the way to the top. I'm going to prove once and for all
that I am the greatest highflyer in the WWA, and I'm going to start by
taking that belt off your waist and presenting it to the Commissioner. Why,
because I'm Tim "F'N" Sullivan, and you're not!
Leviathan: You see Kraut, with Mr. Excitement I have a man who has no
loyalties to anyone but me. He will not be stopped, Kraut, and you are only
the beginning. I've wanted to take you out for a long time, ever since your
days in the Rookie Division. And now that you’ve aligned yourself with
Celestial Warrior and Vindicator in some sort of anti-Corporate alliance, I
have all the more reason to detest you. It should come as no surprise that
Mr. Excitement and myself have formed an alliance; we're both rich, we're
both extremely talented in the ring, and we hate the same people. Mr.
Excitement helped me take care of Akira on several occasions, so the fit is
perfect. Kraut and the rest of the WWA, watch out, because I'm taking Mr.
Excitement to the top.
("Aenema" by Tool plays and the tree of them leave.)
MANNING: “At On Location, of course, Mr. Excitement was put in an ambulance
by DessiCrator. But Leviathan had that ambulance take him not to the
hospital, but to the Joe Louis Arena, where he attacked Kraut during the
‘Hockey Hell’ match.”
texanspaniard - January 27, 2009 03:19 PM (GMT)
WWA Monday Night Live 03/20/00
Jobberwocky & Leviathan Oncard
IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL... WHAT THE WOCK... IS
(Sammy falls backward in his chair, shocked to say the least by the
distinctly non-PTA entrance music. "_Wock_ This Way," a slight
variation on the old Aerosmith song, plays over the P.A. to an
EGGNORMOUS... er, I mean, ENORMOUS face pop.)
MANNING: "This isn't Crimestarter Jim!"
KNIGHT: "Uh... maybe he's wearing the Jimmerwocky suit again."
MANNING: "I don't think so. There he is!"
(Out steps Jobberwocky, holding his vorpal blade up high. He is a 7'
tall, 300+ pound black man. With him is the short, stocky Jobjob Bird,
following behind him. Both are bald and have feathery bodysuits;
Jobberwocky's feathers are dark purple and the Jobjob Bird's are red.
Both also wear orange boots shaped like talons, and have painted their
hawkish noses orange to resemble beaks.)
MANNING: "Wha... Ohmygosh! Look at that!"
KNIGHT: "Jobberwocky is wearing the WORLD TITLE BELT!!!"
MANNING: "And the Jobjob Bird is carrying the International Title
(Jobberwocky steps over the top rope, saluting the fans with his vorpal
blade. The music stops, and both birdmen grab microphones.)
KNIGHT: "Letting that idiot hold the World Title Belt is a travesty!
What's going on here?"
MANNING: "Well, Jobberwocky is a former world champion. And it looks
like he's going to speak."
(The crowd cheers as he lifts the microphone to his lips.)
JOBBERWOCKY: "Finally... the Wock... HAS COME BACK... to the gimmick
Juventud stole from him, cheap Rock impersonations! Now last week, TWO
things happened that disgraced the World Wrestling Association!"
JOBJOB BIRD: "Jobberwocky, what Jodi Slate and Purple Nurple did in
the backstage area isn't any of our business! Don't bring it up here!"
JOBBERWOCKY: "No, International Champion Jobjob Bird--"
JOBBERWOCKY: "... I wasn't referring to that. The first thing I
wanted to mention was how disgraceful it was that Crimestarter Jim and
Fletch Fuller threw the World and IN title belts in the dumpster, in
favor of their new `Parent-Teacher Association' belts."
JOBJOB BIRD: "Speaking of parents, where's your son, Yobf Boy?"
JOBBERWOCKY: "Um... I think Evelynn's watching him. Or Kraut. Or
maybe the Wedge Brothers. I can't remember. Anyway, after Jimbo and
Fletch threw the belts out, the Jobjob Bird and I fished them out of
the dumpster. It was a disgusting, horrible task, but we bravely
ventured forward and--"
JOBJOB BIRD: (interrupting) "Please, Jobberwocky, we were already in
that dumpster after a night of blackout-inducing binge drinking!"
JOBBERWOCKY: "Uh, that's not important. Anyway, we have reclaimed the
titles, and as soon as some *respectable* champions take the
championships from Jimbo and Fletch, we'll be glad to present these
belts to them."
JOBBERWOCKY: "Now, onto the OTHER disgrace that was forced upon our
Live viewers last week, namely Madeleine Marquis' long-lost brother,
the Capitol. You see, both are complete sociopaths, but at least Miss
Maddy was a nice piece of eye candy! Capitol, you, on the other hand,
are about as aesthetically-pleasing as the worms we regurgitate!"
JOBBERWOCKY: "Capitol, you want a piece of me? Well, I can understand
why. Like it or not, whether I'm on the regular schedule or not, the
Wock will always be a huge draw! I fought Matt Cole at the last PPV,
and look at Matt now. Instantly catapulted up through the rankings.
And now the Capitol wants the same to happen for him, especially after
he failed to take the International Title at On Location. His career
has hit a bit of a snag, you see, and unless my buddy Pablo voluntarily
does the job as is his custom, his losing streak will undoubtedly
JOBJOB BIRD: "And believe me, guys and girls, Jobberwocky's a real
expert on losing streaks!"
JOBBERWOCKY: "Exactly-- hey, wait a minute! Dammit, Jobjob Bird, just
keep quiet! Anyway, Capitol, it's clear that you want the Wock to make
your monkey ass famous! Well, Cappy, if you want it, you--"
("Aenema" by Tool plays over the P.A., interrupting him. The crowd
erupts into boos.)
MANNING: "Uh, oh. Here comes Commissioner Leviathan!"
KNIGHT: "Thank god. Hopefully he'll take the belts from these morons
and then beat the hell out of him on top of it."
(The crowd boos as the Malaysian former pit-fighter lifts the
microphone to his lips. He is a dark-skinned Asian man, similar in
size and build to Shawn Michaels. He has long black hair that is
tinted blue, parted in the center, and perpetually wet. His eyes glow
blue due to contact lenses. He wears an all-black suit and a long
LEVIATHAN: "It's funny that the topic of discussion is disgraces to
the WWA, because there is absolutely NO greater disgrace than seeing
you two idiots hold the top two belts!"
LEVIATHAN: "Now, you say you're waiting to present the real belts to
whoever defeats Jim and Fletch for the titles. I guess, for example,
you'd like to present the World Title Belt to, say... CELESTIAL
(ENORMOUS face pop!)
LEVIATHAN: "And I guess you'd like to give the International Title to
your little would-be girlfriend... EVELYNN."
(Another huge pop.)
LEVIATHAN: "Well, boys, I'll give you that opportunity. In fact,
let's see if those two can do it at Spring Fling 2000!"
KNIGHT: "It looks like the card is starting to take shape!"
LEVIATHAN: "For the World Title, at Spring Fling 2000, Crimestarter
Jim will defend against Celestial Warrior!"
LEVIATHAN: "And on that same night, Fletch Fuller will defend the IN
strap against Evelynn!"
(Another huge pop!)
MANNING: "Obviously, fans, these matches will change if Fletch and/or
Jim lose their titles before Spring Fling."
KNIGHT: "Please, Rich. The PTA aren't going to lose their belts at
Spring Fling, and they're certainly not going to lose them *before*
LEVIATHAN: "So listen, birdbrains. You can bring those belts to
Spring Fling 2000, but I guarantee it won't do any good, because the
PTA aren't losing the belts. You see, Jobberwocky, I like having
Crimestarter Jim as champion. Why? Because I've beaten him before,
and I like to have a win over the WWA World Champion under my belt.
And if you don't watch yourself, you'll be the second man to hold the
WWA world title that will receive a beating from me!"
JOBBERWOCKY: "I'd love nothing more than to give you another Wock
Bottom, Levi, just like I did at On Location. But right now I have
other priorities, namely getting the Capitol to SHUT HIS MOUTH!!!"
LEVIATHAN: (smiling wryly) "Ah, but you see, Jobberwocky, you CAN'T
wrestle the Capitol. You see, Jobberwocky, YOU DON'T WORK HERE!!!"
LEVIATHAN: "Jobberwocky, you are such an idiot it's unbelievable.
Don't you remember the stipulation from the Corporate Ladder Match at
On Location? You see, the stipulation was that the loser would be
FIRED. And you, Jobberwocky, *were* the loser! Maybe that got
overshadowed by the revelation that Azrael was not who he appeared to
be. Maybe it was forgotten because everyone assumed Matt Cole would be
the loser, and no one gave any thought to the possibility that Azrael,
aka you, would be on the losing end."
JOBBERWOCKY: "What are you saying, Levi?"
LEVIATHAN: "I'm saying that you don't work here, Jobberwocky! You
lost your job as an active wrestler at On Location, and there's not a
damned thing you can do about it! So as much as I'd love to see the
Capitol wipe the floor with you, it isn't going to happen!"
(The crowd boos EXTREMELY loudly.)
KNIGHT: "Ha! This is great, and it's all perfectly legal! Not even
you can disagree with Leviathan's reasoning, Rich!"
LEVIATHAN: "So, Jobberwocky, your only remaining task with the WWA is
to show up at Spring Fling with those belts. There won't be a new
champion crowned at Spring Fling, I'll tell you that right now. But
after he walks out of the PPV, Crimestarter Jim is going to eventually
lose the championship to MY right-hand man, the undeniably legendary
Logan McKenzie! And I'm sure he WILL want the real belt, which he
never should have lost to your pathetic, feathery carcass in the first
LEVIATHAN: "So fly south for the spring back to the swamp,
featherbrains. Your presence here is no longer required!"
(Leviathan tosses down the microphone and leaves, with "Aenema" by Tool
playing over the P.A. The crowd boos and hisses as the dejected
bird-men leave the ring.)
MANNING: "Wow, the Commish really took the wind out of Jobberwocky's
KNIGHT: "Now if only he'd take the air out of his lungs, I'd be a
MANNING: "Fans, we'll be right back with our first match of the
(Fade to commercial.)
texanspaniard - January 27, 2009 03:19 PM (GMT)
WWA Monday Night Live 03/27/00
Jobberwocky, Job Job Bird, Leviathan & Logan McKenzie oncard
(The cameras begin rolling in the parking lot, where we see none other than
Jobberwocky and the Jobjob Bird walking along. They are both wearing
feathery bodysuits, the Jobberwocky’s being purple and the Jobjob Bird’s
being red. Both have painted their hawkish noses orange to resemble beaks,
and both wear orange boots that resemble talons. Both are bald.
Jobberwocky is a seven-foot-tall, 300+ pound black man, while the Jobjob
Bird is a short, pudgy Caucasian man.)
MANNING: (from inside the arena, watching on the Jumbotron) “I see the
birdmen are making their way to the arena.”
KNIGHT: “Didn’t Leviathan give them the boot last week?”
(Jobberwocky has the WWA Title belt over his shoulder, just as it once was
back when he was the champion. The Jobjob Bird carries the International
Title belt. They retrieved the belts last week, of course, after
Crimestarter Jim and Fletch Fuller threw them in a dumpster, producing their
own custom-made “PTA” belts in the process.)
JOBBERWOCKY: “I can’t believe Leviathan says I’m still fired!”
JOBJOB BIRD: “Well, you DID lose the career match to Matt Cole at On
JOBBERWOCKY: “Still, that won’t keep me away from the arena tonight!
Especially if the Capitol is around; that loudmouth’s challenge really
ruffled my feathers.”
(Suddenly, a silver Jaguar screeches into the parking lot, sliding into a
parking spot. Emerging from it is Logan McKenzie. The crowd, watching on
the Jumbotron, boos loudly.)
JOBBERWOCKY: (turning around to see him) “Hey, what do _you_ want?
Looking for another beating like I gave you at Summer Surv--”
(He is cut off as Commissioner Leviathan nails him from behind with a
Blackman-esque bicycle kick!)
MANNING: “Dammit! Leviathan jumping Jobberwocky from behind! Wocky
staggers to the ground, and now Logan McKenzie grabs him… GOOD GOD NO! He
just hurled Wocky right into one of those supportive stone pillars!”
KNIGHT: “And Leviathan now grabbing the Jobjob Bird… and punches him right
in the face! The Jobjob Bird is down and out!”
MANNING: “Logan McKenzie continuing to manhandle the helpless Jobberwocky…
he just slammed him headfirst into the hood of that station wagon there!
And now Leviathan and Logan heaving the big guy up on the roof of the car!”
KNIGHT: “I hope the owner of that car has insurance!”
MANNING: “McKenzie climbing up there… he grabs Jobberwocky…”
MANNING: “WOCK BOTTOM! McKenzie just nailed Jobberwocky with his own
KNIGHT: “Ha! That’s called poetic justice, Rich!”
MANNING: “The roof of that car just caved in entirely, breaking several
windows in the process! Jobberwocky is lying there in a heap!”
KNIGHT: “And now Leviathan grabbing both the World and International
Titles… and he and Logan are walking off! What an ambush! This is great!”