[“Fanboy” by The Great Luke Ski blares over the PA system. The crowd, recognize it as the theme song of “The Übergeeks” and raise their voices into a modest cheer. BRAD and BLAKE are a (oddly) likeable pair, to be sure, but they haven’t been around long enough to really garner a following, yet. Soon enough, BRAD bursts forth from the backstage curtain, dressed in his usual attire, along with an oversize “dragon” print t-shirt. BLAKE follows close behind, wearing a similar but somewhat snugger-fitting t-shirt. The casually make their way down the aisle towards the ring, big smiles on their faces, slapping hands and joking around with the crowd. Along the way, BLAKE stops and takes a sign from one of the fans and shows it to the camera. The sign has several photos of The Übergeeks pasted on it along with the words “BEST… TAG-TEAM… EVER!” BLAKE gives the sign back to the fan along with a high-five. The two fun-loving nerds continue this way, down the aisle and around the ring, before finally sliding into the ring, where a technician hands a microphone to each of them. BRAD grabs the mike and speaks immediately, before the music even has a chance to die down.]
BRAD: WHAT’S UP, EAST LANSING?!
[The crowd gives a pop. It’s a cheap pop, but hey, a pop’s a pop! Blake joins in on the fun.]
BLAKE: In case you haven’t yet heard, I’m Blake.
BRAD: And I’m Brad.
BLAKE: And together we are-…
BRAD & BLAKE: The Übergeeks!
[Crowd gives another small pop]
BLAKE: And tonight, we’ve got just one question for all you East Lansing fans. And that’s this;
[BRAD throws his head back in a yelp]
BRAD: Are there any GEEKS in the HOUSE TONIGHT?!
[A surprisingly large cheer comes from the crowd. Apparently, there’s a good number of geeks here, at least those who are willing to admit it.]
BRAD: That’s what we like to hear. We’re always thrilled to have a chance to hang out with our fellow geeks.
BLAKE: And you know what? It doesn’t matter what kind of geek you are. It doesn’t if you’re a gamer geek, or a comic-book geek.
BRAD: It doesn’t matter if you’re a geek who’s into Star Trek or Star Wars.
BLAKE: Or Doctor Who. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Japanimation geek.
[BRAD stops all of the sudden and glares at BLAKE]
BRAD: Uh, ex-CUSE me? First of all, it’s called “anime”, and second, we prefer to be called “otaku”.
BLAKE: Called what?
BRAD: Otaku! Otaku!
[BLAKE lets out a laugh, and is actually joined by some of the crowd, getting into the fun of it all. Blake rolls his eyes before speaking again.]
BRAD: The point is, no matter how you slice it, a geek is a geek, and us geeks stick together!
[BRAD and BLAKE pause for a second, letting the crowd give a modest cheer, before speaking again, this time with a somewhat apprehensive look on their faces.]
BRAD: Well, except for, you know, “furries”.
BLAKE: Yeah, no furries, man. Those guys are freaks even by OUR standards.
[The crowd gives a bit of a laugh before BRAD and BLAKE get “into it” again.]
BLAKE: That’s what The Übergeeks are all about, man. No matter what happens, no matter what anyone says or does, the fact is, Brad and me, we are geeks through and through!
BRAD: And we ain’t gonna change for NOBODY! We are GEEKS, and we’re PROUD!
[BLAKE walks up against the ropes and hollers directly at the crowd.]
BLAKE: Say it with us!
[BRAD and BLAKE begin to chant in unison.]
BRAD & BLAKE: We’re GEEKS, and we’re PROUD! We’re GEEKS, and we’re PROUD!
[A healthy chant of “We’re GEEKS, and we’re PROUD!” rise up from the crowd leaving a beaming BRAD and BLAKE standing in the middle of the ring, basking in the glory of geekdom before speaking again.]
BLAKE: Don’t let no one ever make you ashamed of being a geek, because remember; Being a geek means you’ve got something in common with The Übergeeks.
BRAD: Which means you’ve got something in common with-…
[A good number of the crowd joins in as BRAD and BLAKE shout out their catchphrase at the top of their lungs.]
BRAD & BLAKE: The BEST… TAG-TEAM… EVER!
[“Fanboy” blares over the PA again as BRAD and BLAKE drop their mikes and leap onto opposite turnbuckles, flashing the “live long and prosper” sign to the crowd before sliding out of the ring and making their way backstage, slapping hands with the fans along the way. Cue up the music, "Born To Raise Hell" by Motorhead & Ice-T playing over the clips of action and then we dissolve into the credits...
KEW PRESENTS _THE LION'S DEN -- DECEMBER 23TH, 2005 -- JACK BRESLIN CENTER -- EAST LANSING, MI_
...a slow dissolve through the graphics. We pan across the throngs of the KEW faithful, decked out in holiday cheer. Cut to our commentators, a smiling Jackie Trainor and the KEW's resident Scrooge, Phil Anderson.]
JT: Merry Christmas and welcome again to the Lion's Den, KEW fans! As always, I'm Jackie Trainor and with me is Phil Anderson.
PA: Bah humbug!
JT: No holiday spirit, Phil?
PA: Let's just say if I hear "Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer" just ONE more time, I'm gonna go postal! And don't even get me started on those Salvation Army bums whining for money on EVERY street corner...it's all a big scam, you know!
JT: You're going to get coal in your stocking, you realize this.
PA: The way the papers are predicting gas bills are going to go up these next months, I'm going to be ahead of the game then.
JT: It looks to be a crazy night, fans. Commissioner White may have lifted the "no physical contact" ban between Legion and the Firewalkers a month early, but she's split these two teams up for tonight. And while JRollins might be able to get his hands on NightDruid for a modicum of revenge as he teams up with his sister and the Legionnaire teams up with Ravi Kapoor in our main event, it'll be Dam and Brimstone working as reluctant partners against the Jak of Hearts and the Jack of Spades.
PA: Hey, Dummy should feel privileged to work with a REAL partner for a change and not that glory hound Rollins. Who do you think taught Uni everything he knew in this business?! Brimstone, that's who!
JT: Likewise, rivals Gamma Ray and Rook will square off against the Taylor Twins. And I have to say, it's awfully big of Rook to hold out the olive branch to Gamma Ray, given all the attacks that that fake superhero has done against him AND his uncle!
PA: It's ass-kissing, pure and simple, kid. And it's about time that Mexican jumping bean recognizes his better! Of course, it won't save him from getting kicked out of KEW next month!
JT: The stipulation for that match is still up in the air as are the rest of the details of our first Pay Per View--
[Suddenly, "Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim begins to play over the loudspeakers, eliciting a good sized pop from the crowd. Dressed professionally in a red blouse and a black skirt, Commissioner Katie White walks down the aisle. However, the Commish isn't alone as a cadre of security guards dutifully follows behind her. With a mic in her hand, the Commissioner steps through the ring ropes.]
JT: And here's the woman with all the answers now!
KW: Seasons Greetings, Michigan!
[Home state pop!]
KW: Heh. I'm sure you're all waiting to find out what's going to go down in January, but I ask you to be patient for just a _little_ bit longer!
[Disappointed "Awwwww..." from the Michigan crowd. The Commissioner merely grins a little.]
KW: Don't worry, before this night is over, you'll know what I have in store for Kenzer Empire Wrestling's FIRST Pay Per View ever!. But that's not why I'm out here right now. See, I understand that a few on the roster are a bit...unhappy with how things are set up tonight. So I'd like to take this time out to address that. But first I'd like to thank these fine gentlemen [She gestures to the security officers outside the ring.] who volunteered to be away from their families and work so close to the holidays.
[Polite applause. White's face turns serious.]
KW: I know that these gentlemen aren't particularly happy to be here right now, but they are willing to be professional regardless because that's their job. Still, it's understandable that they want this night to be over as soon as possible. So, I'm ordering that the Kenzer roster follow suit and be professional as well. Because if Security has to deal with ANY trouble tonight, I have authorized them to deal with it as they see fit. But that just drags their night on longer than it needs to be. And that makes them unhappy.
Which, in turn, makes ME unhappy.
Point blank, anyone who makes me unhappy will be SUSPENDED from the pay per view! So you all better work in harmony with your partners tonight. Because I'd hate for anyone else to be unhappy.
[White's face twists back into a small grin.]
KW: Enjoy the show!
["Weapon of Choice" starts up again as the Commissioner leaves the ring and back up the aisle, Security following soon after.]
JT: The Commissioner laying down the law early!
PA: Hey, she's got nothing to worry about from Legion. They're perfect gentlemen! She's got more to worry about from JRollins and his little sister. Everyone knows there's more family tension during the holidays!
JT: Hold on Phil, I’m getting word from our producer backstage that there’s an urgent phone call for you… something about… your child?!!?
PA: [sigh] What’s the name of the woman calling.
JT: Hold on… I’m told it’s Billie Jean.
PA: [in an exasperated tone] Okay, look, I’ve been polite about this, but it needs to stop. I’m embarrassed this had to become public at all, and I’ve tried to be polite and discreet about this, to save her feelings. But if she wants to make this public, I have to defend my reputation, I’m sorry.
Billie Jean is NOT my lover.
She’s just a girl who claims that I am the one.
But the kid is not my son.
JT: You know, I’m sorry I said anything.
PA: Let’s move on. It looks like our next match is one of many odd couple pairings tonight, as Frankie the Lunatic and his own personal ashtray, Shigeru Kota take on the Ubergeeks.
FRANKIE THE LUNATIC & “PROTOTYPE” SHIGERU KOTA
written by DeWolfe
MC: Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, hailing from Muncie, Indiana, and weighing in at a combined 482 pounds, they are Brad and Blake, the UBERGEEKS!”
[“Fan-Boy” by the Great Luke Ski begins, and this is the cue for the great KEW fans, particularly the geeks amongst them, to start cheering for the arrival of Brad and Blake. The Ubergeeks play back to the crowd, with each emerging into the aisle flashing the “Live Long and Prosper” sign. To their surprise and delight, quite a few fans flash it back. The two slowly make their way to the ring, high-fiving fans as they go and trying to keep the crowd positively engaged.]
PA: If I am not mistaken, the word “Ubergeek” was created by German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche, who believed that certain geeks could transcend what he called the “slave mentality” and create their own spheres of fandom. This was, again if I am not mistaken; put down in his seminal work “Beyond Cool and Nerdy”.
JT: You are deeply mistaken, Phil. So, so deeply mistaken.
[The Ubergeeks have now entered the ring, just as “Chop Suey” begins to play and the crowd reaction starts to turn towards the negative.]
MC: And their opponents… at a total combined weight of 485 pounds, here are Frankie THE LUNATIC and the “PROTOTYPE” SHIGERU KOTA!”
[It seems we are going to have a combined introduction for the two enemies, or at least we will try to. Frankie comes out first, seemingly calm and composed, and he heads to the ring with a minimum of fuss. However, there is no immediate sign of his partner. Frankie heads straight to his corner, not really engaging the crowd and very much getting down to business. Once he’s in position, it’s then that we see a very angry looking Kota appear at the entrance to the aisle. Whether he’s annoyed at being denied his own entrance, at being forced to team with a man who burned his face, or some other perceived slight is unclear.]
JT: Shigeru Kota is certainly taking his time in getting to the ring here, and he does not look pleased.
PA: It’s his way. He’s being “inscrutable”.
JT: [Reading from a note card]. Mr. Anderson’s views do not necessary correspond to those of Kenzer Empire Wrestling. To complain, please contact the KEW ombudsman at…
[Jackie doesn’t get to finish her prepared spiel, as Frankie has just launched a surprise attack on Blake, while Kota seemingly came out of nowhere to launch a simultaneous strike on the smaller Brad. Frankie hits a pair of punches to the big man, followed by a Greco-Roman poke to the eye, while Kota backs up Brad with an open-handed palm strike to the chest. The sneak attack doesn’t last long though, as when Kota tries for a clothesline, Brad ducks it, and responds with a forearm shiver to the face, followed by a quick and picture-perfect standing dropkick that send Kota flying out over the ropes to the outside. On the other side of the ring, Frankie maintains a slightly longer advantage, clamping on a side headlock and hitting a couple of rabbit punches to the forehead. However, Blake quickly regains his senses and back suplexes Frankie out of the headlock. The impact takes the wind out of the Lunatic, and he rolls to the floor along with his partner for the night.]
JT: And the Ubergeeks take control early, despite underhanded tactics from their opponents!
PA: I, for one, can’t believe they made that saving roll.
[Frankie and Kota, dumped out on opposite sides of the ring, seem similar unable to believe. Frankie gets up first, looks warily over at his partner/rival, and seeing that he is not nearby decides to focus on the other team instead, rolling into the ring and becoming the de facto legal man. He offers a lock-up with Brad, who gladly accepts, and is soon backing the Lunatic into a corner with his strength. Frankie cries out for a clean break, and gets one, only to attempt another eye poke. Brad is ready for it, however, with a classic Three Stooges style hand block. He makes the block, grins, and then hammers Frankie with an elbow smash that knocks him over. Frankie gets up, but is surprised to find himself slapped hard on the back by Kota.]
JT: Blind tag by the Prototype!
PA: With teamwork like that, he should be downgraded to the “Working Sketches”, or the “Great R&D Idea that Won’t Get Made Because that Skinflint Jerk Dale in Accounting Can’t See the Big Picture.”
JT: You’ve been saying some very odd things during this match, Phil? Have you been drinking?
PA: Helps take the edge of off how bad I got hosed for putting a hundred bucks on the Colts.
[Back in the ring, Kota is now trying to take the offense, while a miffed Frankie the Lunatic glares on before ducking to the outside. Kota charges at Blake with a clothesline, but even though he hits with it the big man is only slightly wobbly. Kota backs up to take another run, but this time Blake steps aside, and uses his opponent’s momentum to add impact to a huge side slam!]
JT: Blake goes for a cover… 1… 2…
PA: Kickout! The little guy is not done fighting yet!
[Indeed he’s not, Phil, although at the moment Blake remains in control. He picks Kota up to his feet, only to whip him hard into the Geeks’ corner. He follows in with a diving shoulderblock, knocking the wind out of Kota. Blake then tags in an eager looking Brad, allowing both of the Geeks time to try for a double team move. The two take Kota to the center of the ring, and then send him to the ropes with an Irish whip. He comes back, only to be hit with a double arm drag, followed immediately with elbow drops in stereo! Blake is now ushered out of the ring by our referee, as Brad takes the chance to flash another Vulcan hand sign to the crowd for a cheap pop.]
PA: It’s been all Ubergeeks so far. This is like some kind of Revenge of the Nerds!
JT: Mmmm…. young Anthony Edwards…
PA: Uh, Jackie? Jackie, are you still there?
[As the official is escorting Blake out of the ring, Brad attempts to pick up Kota. Instead, he is the recipient of an uppercut to the “lower abdominal area”. The crowd boos at the cheap shot, but the ref never sees the illegal punch, and turns around to see a clearly hurt Brad doubled over. Kota doesn’t leave any time for the ref to figure out what happened, staying on the attack by hitting a vicious DDT! He gloats to the fans about this advantage for a second, and then runs to the near ropes and leaps up to the second strand…]
JT: Lionsault! Kota with a lionsault!
PA: And now he’s going for a pin!
[Indeed he is, with a lateral press.
KICKOUT! Brad gets a shoulder up, and tries to get vertical, but is cut off with a snapmare, and then a sudden dropkick to the back of his head. Kota seems pleased with his handiwork, sneering down at the prone Brad, before storming off to his own corner where Frankie is inattentive to the match, looking on at a fan. Kota SLAPS him hard on the chest, getting his attention. Frankie turns, murder in his eyes, but he can do nothing as this is, technically, a legal tag and nothing more. He stares angrily for a moment at his partner, while Kota indicates he should enter the ring. Frankie finally does, when he sees Brad slowly pulling his way over towards his own corner. He quickly dashes over, grabbing Brad’s leg just as he is mere inches from making a needed tag!]
JT: So close there, but Brad can’t get the tag he needs after taking some punishment from Kota.
PA: They’ll need better teamwork than this to keep that ring cut off. They’ve got a chance to keep the smaller man isolated, they need to take it.
[It’s not clear they can hold onto that chance now, as Brad, hopping on one leg, hits a desperation enzuigiri that leaves both men out of it on the mat! The referee begins a double count, and Brad continues to fight, struggling to get up and get to his corner. At five, he does get up, but before he can get his bearings he’s NAILED by a discus clothesline from Frankie, and is back on his keister being pinned once again.
PA: Stay on him, you nutbar! The strategy’s working!
JT: Brad continues to hang in there, just, but I have to agree that the unlikely team of Kota and Frankie are in the driver’s seat right now. If Brad can’t get a tag soon, he may lose this match.
[Everyone involved seems to know that instinctively, as Frankie is at first frustrated, and then decides to stay in control by locking Brad up with a chinlock. Blake, on the ring apron, tries mightily to get the crowd chanting by stomping his foot and raising his arms. As Brad continues to struggle in the chinlock and as Frankie continues to pull back on it, the fans get into it, chanting loudly and somewhat geekily;
USE THE FORCE! USE THE FORCE!
USE THE FORCE! USE THE FORCE!
USE THE FORCE! USE THE FORCE!]
PA: Sometimes, I’m embarrassed to be here.
JT: I feel that way whenever people find out I work with you.
[Back in the ring, the chant is having the intended effect, and Brad is drawing adrenaline, starting to fire up. Frankie gets a panicked look, but can do nothing to stop it as Brad slowly forces both of them to stand up, and then drops Frankie over his shoulder with a jawbreaker! Frankie falls backwards, and Brad forward, each instantly starting to edge slowly towards their corner in a patented “Race to Tag” ]
JT: This could be the turning point! Both men need a tag!
PA: And look at the difference in teamwork. Blake is stretching out as far as he can to help his partner… and Kota doesn’t even look like he cares!
[Indeed he doesn’t, just sort of standing in his corner laxly as the race goes on. Notwithstanding that, Frankie still makes it to his corner first, being the fresher man. Kota gets into the ring, but only makes a few steps forward before Brad lunges to make a tag to Blake, as the crowd goes wild! Kota at this point pauses briefly, uncertain, before running forwards towards Blake. However, he runs right into the arms of the Ubergeek, who hits a monstrous belly to belly suplex! Frankie runs in to provide backup, but instead ends up backdropped out of the ring and over the top rope! Kota is by now back up, but Blake is not to be denied by now, and he hits a wicked spinebuster on the Japanese star!]
JT: It’s all Blake now, he’s a house of fire!
PA: Is it house of fire, or house a-fire? I’ve never been clear on that.
JT: I think it depends on what tense you’re using. House of fire is present, and house a-fire is future imperfect. Right?
PA: We’ll look it up after the show.
[Regardless of the grammar, Blake is dominating. Outside the ring, we see Frankie start to get up… but then he seems to be woozy, and again collapses down to the protective mats. Kota is also a bit dazed, but he doesn’t have the luxury of a short powdering out time. He knows he’s in trouble, so he just fires a left hand at Blake. It is ineffective, however, and Blake drills him with a right, then a left-right combo that knocks him over. At this point, partner Brad heads to the top rope in his corner, while Blake stands over the fallen Kota. Blake moves to slingshot Kota into the corner, but as he does Brad jumps off the top rope, hitting a missile dropkick to his chest as he is rising up. The impact drives him back to the mat, where the still legal Blake is in perfect position to make a pin.
MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winners of the match are… THE UBERGEEKS!”
JT: What a great performance by the Ubergeeks! They call that move the “Klaatu Barada Nikto”, but I call it darn effective.
PA: That move is so good, it makes me feel like the Earth Stood Still.
JT: Nice one.
PA: To be serious, you really see the difference in team experience here. Two guys that want to work together, and have before, beat two guys that hate each other. No big surprise, even if the real team is hella lame.
PA: Hey, I’m hungover, cut me some slack.
[The Ubergeeks quickly head out of the ring to celebrate in the aisle with their fans, as “Fan-Boy” begins to play again. The real action, however, is in the ring, where Kota is starting to gather his wits, and looks mad enough to melt steel with his eyes. He looks down to the area around the ring, where Frankie is back to his feet and only slightly shaken from the bump he took out there. Kota is clearly mad at Frankie, and although we can’t make out what he’s saying, it is definitely angry, accusatory, and obscene.]
PA: Kota looks mighty pissed off at his partner. I think he feels like Frankie ducked out on trying to make a save!
JT: Well, despite the enmity between these men, that’s clearly not the case. I would say – hold on, Kota has attacked his partner!
[Indeed he has. Unable to contain his rage, he dives out through the second and top rope, nailing Frankie with a diving plancha! The two men are scattered to the floor, Frankie taking the worst of it. The crowd pops loudly at the thought of an out-of-control brawl. However, before that can happen, the people whose job it is to maintain control show up, and swarm over Kota. At least a half dozen burly security men pull Kota back, while two others stand in front of Frankie, preventing him from retaliating. Fortunately for them, Frankie again seems to be in a docile mood, and makes no move to get after Kota once he sees he’s outnumbered. Shigeru, however, is not at all docile, and has to be dragged away kicking and screaming by the hired muscle.]
PA: He made it through the whole match without attacking his partner‚ but he couldn’t handle himself for one minute after the match to get backstage? As much as I hate to see a guy punished for trying to start a good brawl, who’s the real lunatic here?
JT: Well one thing's for certain, Kota just got himself suspended from the pay per view! Commissioner White wasn't kidding around when she said Security could do as they see fit. Let's hope this isn't a reoccuring theme tonight as next up we have Dam and Brimstone taking on the Jak of Hearts and the Jack of Spades!
PA: And I'm sure Brimstone wishes it was Jack Daniels instead.
BRIMSTONE & DAM
JAK OF HEARTS/JACK OF SPADES
written by Rook
JT: Well I know we've been saying this all night, but I'll say it again, 'this should be an interesting match folks.'
Phil: What's interesting about this one? I'll call it right now, Brimstone wins. Simple as that.
JT: So you think Dam and Brimstone can beat a pair of Jacks?
PA: No. I said Brimstone will win. Commissioner White should have just made this a handicapped match for as much as Dam is worth.
JT: That's not fair Phil, I think Dam will...
[ The lights suddenly go out, and a metallic voice echoes over the sound system.
“When it's time to party we will party hard”
JT: ...more on that later. Here comes Jack of Spades and Jak of Hearts of the four Jacks.
[JoS walks out with JoH. They stand at the entrance and flash big smiles. Holding hands they jog towards the ring, each high fiving fans along the way.]
PA: Wow, that Jax of Hearts sure is...
PA: I was going to say bouncy, but that will work too.
[The Jacks split at ring side running opposite directions around giving serious face time to the fans. Then Jak of Hearts stops in front of a group of fans holding up a poster of her in her heart shaped bikini. The teenage boy holding the poster holds out a marker and Heart takes it and signs the poster. She then kisses the teen and jumps into the ring to join Spades.]
JT: Well, that’s one way to earn a fan for life, right Phil? Uh Phil, where are you going?
PA: Going to buy a poster, be right back.
JT: Phil you can't just...PHIL! Get back here! Fine! Get me Dr. Pepper while you're at the concession stand!
["Smells Like Teen Spirit" blasts over the PA system and green smoke pours out announcing the entrance of Brimstone. He emerges from the cloud with a roar both hands in the air. He stomps his way to the ring, sometimes stopping to threaten some with his pits along the way. He does try to "pit" at least one kid holding a Firewalkers sign with his armpit but leaves the kid and the jeering fans behind as he makes his way to the ring ]
JT: Well, fans, it looks like Jack of Spades has a few choice words for Brimstone but I don't think Brim is listening. He seems pretty focused on the entrance as we all wait for Dam to come out.
["Paint It Black" now plays and Dam walks out. He stops at the top of the ramp and looks to his left pulling up his left elbow pad and then repeats the process to his right.]
JT: This is a very subdued Dam making his way to the ring. He’s still slapping hands with the fans but I don't think he's taken his eyes off of Brimstone.
[Brim steps back from the ropes allowing Dam to climb in. As Brim and Dam discuss who will start the match, JoH exits the ring leaving JoS ready to start the match.
JT: Looks like JoS is ready but Dam and Brim haven't come to an agreement on who will start. The Referee calls for the bell and it looks like Brimstone is backing off and allowing Dam to start the match. And here's the lock up!
[Dam and Jos Lock up in the center of the ring but Dam is quickly able to push JoS against the ropes. Clean break. Again the two lock up and Dam once again pushes JoS back.]
JT: Here's another clean break from Dam and the two men circle the ring sizing each other up. Looks like JoH is cheering on her partner and Brim seems to be shouting words of encouragement as well.
PA: More likely he's telling him to stop being a punk and kick Spade's ass.
JT: Glad you could make it back. Did you get my drink?
PA: Yeah. Here. Wow, would you look at this Jax of Heart calendar? Is she hot or what?
JT: Pfft! Phil! This is Diet Coke. I asked for a Dr Pepper, I hate diet soda. I don't drink diet.
Phil: You should.
Phil: Hey look, Dam just hip tossed JoS!
[JoS springs to his feet and charges Dam but Dam grabs the right arm of JoS and drops to the mat in a single arm bar.]
JT: Dam caught him off guard with that one and now JoS is reaching for the ropes.
[JoS reaches the ropes and Dam clean breaks again. Rubbing his shoulder JoS walks around and talks to JoH but doesn't tag. He now turns to Dam again and just before the lock up JoS goes for a knee to Dam's gut but Dam catches the knee and lifts JoS into the air then delivers a side suplex.]
JT: Great move by Dam. I think Brim even liked that one.
PA: Oh, yeah. That's hot. Lying on your back. Me like.
JT: Phil! Will you put that calendar away and comment on the match?
PA: Sure, let me know when it starts.
[Dam picks up JoS just so he can kick him in the gut. Brim then pulls out a swinging neck breaker on JoS. Dam quickly move into position and place a Boston Crab on Spades]
JT: Don’t think I’ve ever seen Dam pull that move before. How about you Phil?
PA: Did you know that JoH is from Atlantic City? Maybe next time I’m at Trump's place I should look her up.
[Dam releases the Boston Crab and prepares to drop an elbow in Spades back but he gets distracted by Brim.]
JT: Looks like Brim wants to be tagged in but I don’t think Dam is finished with JoS yet.
PA: What an attention whore.
JT: Phil, stop talking about JoH like that! Shame on you!
PA: I'm talking about Dam. JoH isn't even in the ring. Man JT, you really need to start paying attention to the match.
[Dam turns from Brim and drops his right elbow into the small of JoS's back. Dam's up and drops another elbow, followed by a third. He then stands and turns to Brim asking if he wants in now. Brim puts out his hand and the tag. As Dam climbs out of the ring he's fanning himself trying to clear the air that was just occupied by Brim.]
PA: Now Brim can get even with JoS.
JT: I think I liked it better when you were drooling over the calendar.
[Brim walks over to the prone JoS and begins to stomp his head. After five kicks, Brim grabs a handful of hair and lifts JoS up. Spades can barely stand and Brim sees an opporunity. Still holding a handful of hair Brim shoves Spades face into the smellbow. Suddenly Spades is wide awake. Brim laughs as JoS struggles for fresh air. Brim pulls Spades face free only to deliver a massive head butt. JoS hits the mat hard.]
JT: Looks like Brim has just taken notice of JoH and is walking to her corner.
PA: Back off Brim! She's mine!
JT: You're so delusional.
PA: Drink your diet soda.
PA: JoS is on his feet and Brim doesn't see it.
[ Spades stumbles as he tries to forearm smash at a distracted Brim. The hit barely registers on Brim who stops trying to talk up a very disinterested JoH. Brim turns and short clotheslines Spades. Picking Spades up by the face and in a massive show of strength, Brim throws JoS halfway across the ring. As he makes his way over, he sees Dam with his arm outstretched asking for a tag. Brim look between JoS and Dam, he then kicks Spade in the head and tags Dam in. Dam enters the ring picking up JoS and Irish whips him into the corner HARD. He quickly follows up by pulling Spade out of the corner and applying a Camel Clutch.]
JT: Spades in deep trouble here, but looks like JoH has seen enough and she's coming in to break this up. She delivers a drop kick to Dam's back causing him to break the hold.
[JoH dashes back out of the ring when Brim comes in. Dam stands and sees that Brim is still going after the little blonde even though she's not in the action anymore. Dam yells at Brim and he stops his advance.]
JT: Looks like Dam and Brim are having a difference of opinion on how JoH should be handled.
PA: Hey, she's a big girl. If she's tough enough to hit a man, she should be tough enough to be hit by a man.
[The ref, holding his nose, gets in Brim's face and tells him to leave the ring. Brim turns and steps out of the ring again but a smile comes across his face as Dam turns his attention back to JoS who has just reached his corner. Dam dashes over but he's too late, the tag is made. JoH enters the ring flashes her baby blues at Dam.]
JT: Well this is an interesting turn. Dam has stated that he wouldn't hit a woman and he doesn't want to tag Brim because he knows Brim won't hold back.
PA: Tag me Dam! I'll let her pin me!
[Hearts approaches Dam who backs away. They circle for a moment then suddenly Hearts springs off the ropes and charges Dam. Dam braces for the attack but instead of jumping up at Dam, Hearts slides between his legs and pops up behind him. Dam is dumb founded and turns just in time to catch a kick to his mid section. He bends over clutching his gut as Hearts turns, climbs the ropes and somersaults from the top rope delivering a guillotine leg drop.]
PA: The little girl just kicked Dam's ass!
JT: Wow! What a stunning display of aerial prowess!
[Dam isn't down for long and as he gets up, Hearts is waiting for him. She comes at him with a cross body press but Dam catches her. Instinctively he spins smashing her to the mat with him on top. He hooks her leg ready for the pin when he realizes what he just did. Dam releases the hold and stands looking down at JoH as she lay gasping for breath.]
JT: I think Dam is a little upset with himself.
PA: Why? He is the envy of nearly every male in this arena.
[Dam steps away and feels a smack on his back. He quickly turns and realizes that Brimstone had reached out and tagged him. Dam leaves the ring turning his head so he doesn't have to watch the pounding that Hearts is about to receive.]
JT: Man, this could get ugly.
PA: Don’t touch the face Brim! Please don’t hurt the face!
[Brim runs into the ring bypassing Hearts and heading straight for JoS. Spades is not expecting it and catches fist that knocks him from the ring. Brim then turns is attention to Hearts who has just made it to her feet but has her back to him. He grabs her and performs a vicious bulldog on the little blonde.]
Phil: NOT THE FACE!!!!
[Brim follows it up with a Power bomb and now the pin!
MC: Here are your winners...BRIMSTONE AND DAM!!
JT: Well that could have been worse. Brim didn’t feel like playing around with these Jacks.
PA: What did I tell you? Brim didn’t need Dam to be there. Dam was worthless. Look at him! He didn’t even congratulate Brim on the win; he just walked up the ramp and out of the ring.
[Brim watches Dam leave the ring and he’s not happy about being “dissed.” Shacking his head, Brim climbs from the ring and walks back up the ramp and leaves as well.]
PA: What a hypocrite...all that talk about being a gentleman and not wanting to hit women, so what does Dam do? Let the large angry Samoan beat her up instead! Yeah, that's chivalry for ya!
JT: Dam and Brimstone actually worked surprisingly well out there. I think both men didn't want a repeat of what happened to Degeneration Next, especially with the tag belts so soon at stake!
PA: No kidding. On one hand, I'm torn that we lost a sweet piece of eye candy in the Brown Eyed Slayer, but considering that we won't be threatened with those stupid tamales anymore, it's a price I can live with.
JT: So can I. We've seen one set of enemies work well, while another fought afterwards. Who's to say how Gamma Ray and Rook will go? They take on the Taylor Twins next!