Family reunion (fan-fiction)

i hope i can post this here. it's a little something to liven up the boards. enjoy.
***

(MAMA's living room. MAMA is vacuuming, while listening to a portable CD player)

MAMA (singing): Don't ya wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't ya wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don't ya?

(IOLA walks in)

IOLA: Knock knock.

MAMA: Don't ya wish wish your girlfriend was raw like me? Don't ya wish your girlfriend was fun like me? Don't ya? Don't ya, baby? Don't ya?!
IOLA: Thelma!

(MAMA takes takes off the headphone)

MAMA: What? How long have you been standing there?
IOLA: Long enough. Trust me.
MAMA: I can't help it. At first I didn't think I'd like this CD Tiffany gave me for Christmas. But I do. Who knew?
IOLA: That's why I came over here. When is everybody supposed to show up?
MAMA: Iola, we've been over this! 12 noon sharp tomorrow. Same day as the reunion.
IOLA: I was afraid of that.
MAMA: What's wrong? Can't you come?
IOLA: No. I have to make mother to the doctor tomorrow in Hinkley for surgrey. It'll take me and daddy to load and unload her from the van.
MAMA: That old bat's still alive? Good Lord, I thought she died years ago.
IOLA: Not funny, Thelma. And how dare you!
MAMA: You're right. I'm sorry. Fine, I guess you're free to go.
IOLA: I knew you'd understand. Besides, it's not like your family is leaving right away. They'll be staying a few extra days. So, I'll get a chance to see them.
MAMA: Don't remind me. Lord, give me strength.
IOLA: It can't be as bad as all that.
MAMA: With Eunice, Ellen, Vint, Phillip and Bubba under the same roof, along with there better halves, or in this case: worse halves, you don't think I need just an ounch of strength?
IOLA: You're right. God speed. Well, I'm off. Bye.
MAMA: Bye.

(IOLA walks out. MAMA puts the head phones back and starts up the vacuum again. The door bell rings. MAMA takes her head phone off and answers it)

MAMA: What are you doing here?
NAOMI: Thanks. It's good to see you, too.
MAMA: You weren't supposed to show until tomorrow.
VINT: Surprise!

(VINT and NAOMI and TIFFANY THELMA HARPER walk in. TIFFANY is now a teenager)

TIFFANY: Hey, grandma.
MAMA: Hey, sweetie.

(They hug)

NAOMI: Tiffany, honey, why don't you go upstairs? Me and your daddy need to talk some stuff over with your grandma.
TIFFANY: Alright.

(She goes upstairs)

MAMA: What do you want to talk to me about?
NAOMI: Do you want to tell her or should I?
MAMA: Sounds like I need to sit down for this.

(She sits in her chair)

VINT: It's not that bad.
NAOMI: Then what do you call being homeless? A walk in the park?
MAMA: What?!
VINT: A guy I thought knew asked for the trailer. You remember the trailer, right?
MAMA: How could I forget that Tin-Man on wheels?
VINT: Well, this guy asked for it in exchange for a real home. And we figured with Tiffany starting high school in a few months, she'd need a room of her own, rather than bunking with me and Naomi.
MAMA: Not every child's dream.
VINT: Right. So, we took the deal. Anyways, this guy took the trailer and didn't have a home at all.
MAMA: You mean, he took everything?!
NAOMI: Everything. All we have is what's in the our suit case and the clothes on our backs.
MAMA: Well, where's your suit case?

(ELLEN walks in)

Ellen: Out in my air conditioned Civil. (spelling??)
***

More?

I love it! Keep it coming.

Maybe we can take turns and continue the story.

sure. who wants to go next?
btw, thanks.

I'd like to contribute, but my mind is drawing a blank for the time being. Plus, I'll be out for the next few days.

It's good! I want to hear more, or rather, read more.

I'll leave it to you. I'd like to hear(read) where you take this.

thanks for the replies. here's more to get the ball rolling.
***

(Kitchen. Mama is slamming things around, obviously mad. She opens the freezer, takes out a box of steaks, slams the door, walks to the counter and slams the steaks on the it)

NAOMI: What's going on in here? Sounds like The Bone Crushers are back.
MAMA: Naomi, I am not in the mood!
NAOMI: What's wrong.
MAMA: I love my family, but tomorrow means tomorrow. Not a day sooner or day later.
NAOMI: Fine! Me and Vint will just go stay at a motel.

(She walks to the living room. MAMA follows her)

' MAMA: No, Naomi. Don't You don't have any money.
NAOMi: That's very sweet of you, Mrs. Harper.

(MAMA reaches in her apron pocket, takes a few dollar bills and gives it to her)

MAMA: There's extra for food.
NAOMI (sarcastically): You saint.
***

Later...

(Living room. NAOMI, TIFFANY and ELLEN are on the couch, watching TV. MAMA and VINT come downstairs, carrying pillows and blankets)

VINT: Thanks for letting us stay here, Mama.
MAMA: Well, I got to thinking and thought what they hey.

(They go to the kitchen and walk down to the basement where they start putting everything on the bed)

MAMA: Besides, whens the last time I got see my grandbaby. She's gotten so big.
VINT: I know, she's going to a basket ball player.
MAMA: Look out, Micheal Jordan.
VINT: Got that right.

(After they spread the sheets and everything, they head back upstairs. MAMA stays in the kitchen while VINT goes to the living room and sits beside NAOMI and watches TV. ELLEN gets up and goes to the kitchen, where MAMA is putting corn in a pot)

ELLEN: Anything I can do, Mama?
MAMA: Yea. Pour these cans of corn while I go check on the steaks.

(She walks out. ELLEN picks up the can of corn MAMA was pouring and continues to pour it in the same pot. After that ones gone, she starts to open another. MAMA walks back in)

ELLEN: If you think it's crazy now, be thankful Eunice and Ed aren't here.
MAMA: Bite your lip! Eunice and Ed are the last thing I need on my plate right now.
ELLEN: Amen. Thank the Lord you have one easy child.
MAMA: True. Thank goodness he's coming tomorrow.
ELLEN: He?!
MAMA: Yes, he. Phillip.
ELLEN: I thought I was your favorite!
MAMA: Good Lord, Ellen. You've been nothing trouble for me since the day you were born. You and your sister and brother.
ELLEN: Phillip was no walk in the park either. He ran off to New York to become a writer. Remember that?
MAMA: True. But I've come to realize he was following his dreams. Unlike me.
ELLEN: Come again?
MAMA: I have to check on those steaks again.
ELLEN: No, Mama!

(She runs to the door and blocks her mother from it)

ELLEN: What was your dream?
MAMA: Ellen, get out of my way!
ELLEN: Not until you tell me what your dream was.
MAMA: Fine! I wanted to be a singer. Can I check on the meat now?
ELLEN: I didn't know that.
MAMA: Well, now you do. So move.

(ELLEN walks back to the stove, while MAMA walks out)

ELLEN: My Mama the singer.

(She laughs. VINT walks in and over to the fridge and he opens it)

VINT: What's so funny, Ellen?
ELLEN: Mama just told me her lifelong dream: to be a singer.

(She laughs even harder. VINT joins in on the laughter. MAMA walks back in. VINT and ELLEN laugh even harder)

MAMA: Very funny. Thelma wanted to be singer. Hardey, har, har.
ELLEN: We're sorry, Mama. It's just that...

(She keep laughs)

MAMA: Get out of my kitchen before you bust a gut!

(ELLEN and VINT walk out, laughing. MAMA opens the fridge)

MAMA: Thank the Lord! A 12 pack! I need something to help me get through this weekend.

(She takes out a can of beer, opens it and takes a big gulp. She, then, walks to the stove and continues to pour corn)
***

I am really enjoying this fan fiction. It's kind of like the role playing that some members and I started back in the Bigger Jigger thread.

By the way, thanks for putting some life back in the forum. In honesty, this place has been 'dead' for the past 6 months or so.

I'll try to get in on some of the action when I return next Wednesday from my vacation. After all, everybody has plans on the 4th of July weekend.

thanks. i'm glad i brought life back to this board. i would love to start my own MF board, but boards about a certain show die down after a while, sadly. too bad because this is a great board. WE NEED MORE PEOPLE!!
anyways, here's a little more.
***

The next day...

(Living room. TIFFANY is watching TV. MAMA comes down the stairs)

MAMA: Oh, no you don't, young lady. This house is going to be crammed with guest in just a matter of hours. Help clean up.
TIFFANY: Why? I don't know half the people coming.
MAMA: Thank the Lord for small favors, but everybody is pitching in. You should to.
TIFFANY: Fine. I'll watch it later.

(She gets off the couch)

MAMA: What are you watching?
TIFFANY: Baby on the way.
MAMA: Are you watching something with nudity?!
TIFFANY: No. It's a documentary about all these couples lives. The woman is pregnant and they show how they deal with it.
MAMA: A girl your age shouldn't be watching this! You should be watching Hannah Montana or something like that.
TIFFANY: It's for health class. I have to.

(She goes to the VCR and ejects the tape and sets it on the player)

MAMA: THIS is what they're teaching kids in school? When I was your age, we just had three subjects: reading, wringing and math.
TIFFANY: Tell that to my health teacher, Ms. Lyle.
MAMA: You bet I will. Teaching kids these things should be the parents job. Go help your mom and dad in the basement.
TIFFANY: Yes, ma'am.

(She walks out. The door bell rings. MAMA opens it. It's EUNICE)

MAMA: You're early.

(EUNICE walks in)

EUNICE: Don't start with me, Mama. I ain't in the mood.
MAMA: Where's Ed?
EUNICE: Who knows and who cares?
MAMA: You two have a fight?
EUNICE: If you must know everything in my life, Mama, yes. We did. He threatened me.
MAMA: He what?!
EUNICE: He threatened me. He said he would tell the whole world I use instant mash potatoes.
MAMA: Is that all?
EUNICE: Yes. Oh, you thought he threatened my life? If that happened, I'd be in jail for murder in the first, second and thrid degree.
MAMA: Well, the day is young.

(ED walks in and slams the door. The bottom of his shirt is torn off)

ED: Listen here, woman!
EUNICE: Don't take that tone with me, Mr. Higgins! I am a grown woman.
MAMA: Sure don't act like it.
EUNICE: Butt out, ol' lady!
ED: You almost killed me!!
MAMA: And I missed it!
ED (to MAMA): Take your daughters advice.
MAMA: This is my house. I can say whatever I dang well please! What happened to your shirt?
ED: You daughter was in the drivers side of the car, I opened the passenger door and she shut it with my shirt still in it and drove off.
MAMA; The least you could've done was change.
ED: She has the only keys to the house on the key chain with the car key.

(ELLEN walks in from upstairs, carrying a broom and dust pan)

ELLEN: Mama, I got rid of all the dirt I could. Oh, hello Ed. Eunice. Ed, what happened to your shirt?
ED: Well...
MAMA: It doesn't matter. Are you sure ALL the dirt is gone?
ELLEN: Yes, Mommy Dearest.

(She goes to the kitchen)

MAMA: I'll see for myself. The last thing I need is for this house to be dirty.

(She goes upstairs)

ED: I'll tell you something else, Euney...
EUNICE: Oh, shut up!!

(The door bell rings. EUNICE opens it. It's BUBBA and his wife, AMY)

EUNICE: There's my precious baby boy. How are you?

(They hug)

BUBBA: Fine.

(He walks inside. EUNICE slams the door in AMY's face and she sits with BUBBA on the couch)

EUNICE: So, what have you been up to?
BUBBA: Nothing. Hey, dad.
ED: Son.
BUBBA: What happened to your shirt?
ED: Your mother. She...

(The door bell rings)

EUNICE: Hush, Ed. Quiet harping on it.

(She gets up and opens the door. It's AMY)

EUNICE: Oh, it's you!
AMY: I guess you didn't see me.

(She walks in and sits in EUNICE's spot on the couch. She kisses BUBBA)

EUNICE (under her breath): Hard to miss that bleached hair.

(She shuts the door)
***

no more until everybody has a chance to post there part in the story.

Sorry to leave you hanging. I regret to inform you that nothing is coming to me. I must be losing my creative, imaginative side.

something will come to you. to get the ball rollin', here's some more. enjoy.
***

(Living room. Everybody is sitting down. MAMA walks in and sees BUBBA and AMY)

MAMA: There's my precious grand baby! How are you, sweetie?
BUBBA: Fine, Grandma. And you?

(They hug)

MAMA: I get by, somehow.

(They break the hug. AMY stands and hugs MAMA)

AMY: Everything looks so nice.
MAMA: Thank you, angel.

(They break the hug)

BUBBA: Who are we waiting on?
MAMA: The food to get ready. Everybody's here.
BUBBA: Great. Because Amy and I have an announcement to make.

(He draws Amy by his side)

ELLEN: Nothing serious, is it?
BUBBA: No. Matter of fact, it's a gift.
EUNICE: Oh, my Lord! You're pregnant!
BUBBA: We're not saying anything until everybody is up here.
MAMA: Vinton, Naomi, get up here quick!! Amy is probably about to pop a baby out!!

(A few minutes later, Vint and Naomi walk in)

Naomi: Keep it down, will ya? Tiffany is asleep.
BUBBA: Tiffany's here? I haven't seen her in forever.
MAMA: You can see her later. Tell us the news.
AMY: I'm pregnant.
EUNICE: I knew it! When the family gets together, there's nothing but bad news.
ELLEN: Oh, never mind her. Congratulations, you two.
BUBBA/AMY: Thanks.
NAOMI: How far along are you?
AMY: A few weeks.
VINT: This calls for a celebration! I'll go get some beers.
AMY: Tea for me, please.
VINT: Of course.

(He walks to the kitchen)

ELLEN: So, have you picked out any baby names?
AMY: If it's a girl, we were thinking Ruth Ann. A boy will be Isaiah.
MAMA: Bibical. I like that.
BUBBA: We thought you would.
EUNICE: Know what name would go good if it were to be a girl? Eunice. Kinda just rolls off the tounge.
ELLEN: Yea. Like sour milk.

(EUNICE glares at ELLEN. VINT walks back in, carrying some beers and a glass of tea. He gives the tea to Amy and to everybody else, he gives a beer. They click open the cans)

MAMA: I would like to make a toast. To Amy. May she and this baby inside her be happy and healthy. And may this Higgins family have a long, happy and healthy like together forever.
ALL: Here here.

(The clink the cans and drink)

BUBBA: Thanks, Grandma.
AMY: Yea. Thanks.
MAMA: And I meant every word, sweetie.

(EUNICE rolls her eyes and gulps down her beer)