Hardkore World Title Holders

["I'm Cummin Hardkore" by DJ Irene plays and a video montage plays of Hardkore World's 24 year history. Cyrus Williams hits Andrew Karnage with The Blackout...Tarrasque chokeslams Big Brute ACE off of a balcony to the floor below...Rad Rick pulls back on a scorpion deathlock on Dragon Kimura...Ace Kilcannon drops "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson on the back of his head with The Kill...Bronco Guerillo comes off on with a rana off the second turnbuckle on Rad Rick...Adrian Faust nails Death Gojira with a Helldriver...Fidel "Che" Gueverra throws powder in Bronco Guerillo's eyes...Rated X hits Ghandi the Butcher with The Unabomber...Kentaro Korose hits Kuala Hala with a facebreaker deathkick...Matthew X flaming thumper heart punches Quasimoto Jones..."Deathstryke" Cyan Komar hits San Diego Strangler with The Deathstryke...Sadiopath pins "Nightmare" Stormy Sommers with a sadioplex...Devon Stevens hits Bobby Nowa with a Zero Grav Leg Drop...Rally Jackson puts Adrian Faust through a press table with a cradle piledriver...Tosh Marley tiger drivers Matthew X...Ace Kilcannon comes off the rope with a springboard DDT on El Hombre Murcie'Lago...Reverand Gozo Shioda nails Ace Kilcannon with a crucifix ganso bomb...Tuxedo Mask executes a gorgeous corkscrew 450 splash on "Sweet" Richard Romero..."Sexy" Anjanette Turner bending Makoto Jupiter in half with a scorpion deathlock with a crossface...Kilroy Evans drops from off the top of a cage with a crowbar across the chest of Death Gojira on a burning car...Tamara Sanchez delivering a crisp helicopter rana on Xyrynth onto a chair...The Miracle Violence Combination II giving Tarrasque a Shotgun Suplex...Cobryn gives Robert Hunglestien III The Answer 2005...Lonewolf McNeely gets a running start and jumps into the Scent of Destruction diamond cutter but Big Bad Bill reverses it into a reverse DDT faceplant off the second rope...Lucifer Jones gives Devon Stevens a London Air Raid off the top rope through a table on the floor...Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa backflips off the cage, catching Brandi on the top turnbuckle on the way down with ainverted FireBird DDT...Death Gojira puts the ladder over Cobryn's head in the corner with his chest in the turnbuckle, then jumps off the top turnbuckle on the long end, see sawing him into theaudience....Kilroy Evans grabs Adrian Tanner Jr. on the apron and hits The Bad Touch to the floor...Vampira comes off the top rope with a shooting star press on Vagabond through a table on the floor...Andrew Sinclair gives Andrew Karnage an exploder off the ring steps on to the concrete floor...Lucifer Jones gives Kilroy Evans a burning hammer off the apron through a burning table with thumbtacks...Tatsuya Arakawa DDTs Marty Donovan off the apron to the concrete floor...Legacy pulls "Platinum" Pat Bozzini into a set-up for a piledriver, but Bozzini blocks it and reverses it into an alabama slammer but on the way over, Bozzini turns it into a tigerbomb... Lonewolf McNeely presses David Sadler over his head and drops him in the No Human Contact diamond cutter...The Outrider pulls Andrew Karnage up into a crucifix and then drops him into a backbreaker...Bad Boy King Kong gut wrenches Ryan Champion up into a tigerbomb through the tables...Rated X piledrives Kilroy Evans head through the roof of a Toyota Camry...Syberus half nelson facebusters Robert Hunglestien III off the top rope...Yuku Shiro pumphandles "Sexy" Anjanette Turner up into a burning hammer..."Rising Sun" Marty Donovan running clotheslines Bozzini on & over the barbed wire...Shano tiger drivers Adrian Tanner Jr. off the top rope through a table...James Fierce turns around just as Andrew Karnage runs at him with the Nightmare Lariot but Fierce smacks his outstretched arm with the chair...Rated X and Kyle X give Jay St. Clair a death sentence flying stomp with St. Clair's head resting on a standing chair on the floor...Dan Stien muscle busters Pat Bozzini off the apron through some tables...Ken Shiro grabs a limp Ten Cents by his legs hoisting him up and slinging him over his shoulder, as Jagi Shiro DDTs him off the second rope...Syberus sticks Tanner's neck between the ladder and then climbs to the second turnbuckle. He jumps off and stomps the ladder shut..."The Unlucky One" 13 electric chairs Uncle Kracka up on his shoulders. Nick Shade springboards off the top rope as 13 drops Kracka, resulting in Shade catching him on the way down for an electric chair drop/lungblower combo...Lucifer Jones flips Syberus off the top turnbuckle onto his head with a super Yankee Cracker...Ralph Pierce running death valley drivers Bryan Warrior off the apron onto the concrete...Matthew X and Roscoe Law stand in a burning ring...A fan hugs Kyle X and then a blast goes off and it fades into a graphic...Angel slips a chair underneath Suzie Machina's face and lays a chair on top of it. She picks up a pink barbed wire bat and bashes the top chair in a modified con-chair-to...Andrew Karnage grabs a ladder and presses it against the ladder Syberus is climbing. He runs up that bridged ladder and takes Syberus down with a Nightmare Lariot...Roah Shiro gutwrenches the 400 pound Paul Soutter up and powerbombs him into the barbed wire...Matthew X lights his glove on fire but Dougie Ray Bullet blows vodka towards the flame and the fire blasts X in the face...Lucifer Jones lifts up "Platinum" Pat Bozzini Pat in an atomic drop and drops him feet first onto the thumbtacks...Dougie Ray Bullet climbs to the top turnbuckle and dives off into a flying body press, sandwiching James on both sides in barbed wire mesh...Joshua Smith straightjackets Adrian Tanner Jr. 's arms and pulls him up into a piledriver, but Tanner rolls over his shoulder and blasts him in the face with a Daytripper superkick then it fades into a graphic that reads "Hardkore America". The camera pans around the red hot fans inside Hardkore Hall. The shot pulls out to Guillermo O'Bannon, Phil Blauer, Yolanda Ando and former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: It's been a long time, ladies and gentlemen but once again Hardkore World is back on the air!

Phil Blauer: And once again we all turn our back on steady employment to call wrestling matches.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I had to give up a sweet gig as grill chef at Hooters.

[Phil looks at Boone.]

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: ...Olive Garden.

Phil Blauer: *I* played a crooked lawyer on CSI. And a corpse on the Mentalist.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Let's face it, we all left more stable and well paid jobs to come back but that's the allure of Hardkore World. And we're not the only ones returning, as both senior Championships have been re-instated to their respective holders. In the main event tonight James Fierce defends his Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship against Andrew Karnage.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Karnage looking to win back the title he had for six months in 2008; Fierce just wants to make sure he's not going to lose out on Hardkore World's big return show.

Guillermo O'Bannon: And before that we have the Hardkore America Heavyweight title on the line, as Kilroy Evans puts the title on the line against Marty Donovan in an anywhere falls match.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Same scenario in many ways as the locker room leader has previously held the American title, and has made it clear he feels he never really lost the belt.

Guillermo O'Bannon: And we've got six men competing in three beat-the-clock challenge matches; whoever wins their match in the quickest time recieving a Hardkore World Heavyweight title match.

[“Pet” by A Perfect Circle bursts through the speakers and the crowd descend into a hail of boos. Without wasting must time, Syberus pushes his way through the curtain and begins making his way down the ramp. He instinctively bats away a flying drink and smirks at some of the insults coming at him from the audience.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: But before that we have a 2-on-1 handicap match as Hardkore World owner Syberus faces an uphill battle taking on *he reads from a script* the goliath tag team combination that is the fearsome and legendary Team Mexico...

Phil Blauer: So I don't get it, do we hate him or not?

Guillermo O'Bannon: Well, these fans are obviously angry at Syberus for closing down Hardkore World for two years, but he's also the reason it's reopen for business.

Phil Blauer: So... conflicted... don't know how... to feel!

Yolanda Ando: Syberus wears his black trunks with a gold “4” circled in a laurel wreath on the back. He wears black boots and black knee pads with his hands and wrists taped with white tape.

[Syberus steps up onto the ring apron and wipes his feet before stepping through the ropes.]

“Wild” Bill Kasal: The following contest is a 2-on-1 handicap match scheduled for one fall, introducting first from Manchester, England... standing 6' even and weighing 224 lbs... he is the owner of Hardkore World and the first EVER four time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion... he is the all conquering inter-galactic legendary superstar... the great SYBERUS!!!

[More boos as Syberus raises his arms. Some generic mexican music starts playing and Team Mexico appear on stage, dancing Mexicanly. The crowd cheers as they make their way down slapping fans hands at ringside.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Here comes Team Mexico, who have never proved any legitimate competition whatsoever.

Phil Blauer: I dunno, they look like they mean business to me.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: They're here to give Hardkore World some PEPPAH~!

Phil Blauer: Never say “peppah” again.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: But it's the parlance of our time, sir.

“Wild” Bill Kasal: And his opponents, from “el me-hee-ho”; weighing a combined weight of 300 lbs... JUAN “SMITH” and RODRIGUEZ “JONES”... they are TEAM MEXICO!!!

Guillermo O'Bannon: So here we are ladies and gentlemen, we kick off the new era of Hardkore World with one for the ages; one of the finest Hardkore World champions of all time against two scrawny looking interns in lucha masks.

Phil Blauer: You ever seen these guys fly? They got skills to pay the bills.

Yolanda Ando: Team Mexico wear matching cheap lucha masks from a costume store and sweat pants.

[The pasty looking masked nerds jump into the ring with little finesse, the bell rings and Syberus immediately smashes a forearm into the face of Juan “Smith”.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus wasting little time, getting into his first Hardkore World match since he defeated Jonnie Valentine for the right to operate Hardkore World itself. Rodriguez “Jones” leaps on the back of Syberus trying to apply the sleeper, but he quickly gets snapmared over.

[Syberus hooks Jones's arms and plants his neck with a tiger bomb.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Jones rolls around holding his neck in agony as Juan “Smith” looks to use the numerical advantage here, he spins Syberus around who boots him in the mid section and hooks his tights, driving him shoulder first into the corner post with ease!

[The crowd let out an “oooohhh!!” as Juan Smith's shoulder smacks against the steel.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus pops his hips and lands Juan Smith on his head with a German Suplex!!

[Syberus pops up and pumps his fist with a YEAH!! The crowd boos.]

Phil Blauer: Just like old times.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: My sources close to Syberus say he's been keeping in ring shape by fighting bears and tigers in a monthly Indonesian tournament of death. Syberus has allegedly won the competition a record 17 consecutive times.

Phil Blauer: I got tickets in August. It's only okay.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus hammers some right hands into Juan Smith's face and drops him to the mat with a bulldog. Rodriguez Jones stumbles around and Syberus hits Kilroy Evans's Bad Touch!!

[Syberus picks up Jones's limp body and bundles him over the top rope, his body smacking the ring apron then the concrete unceremoniously.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus rolls out of the ring and drags Jones to his feet, only to drive his head into the steel steps! Syberus DDT's Jones on the concrete!

Crowd: Ooohhh!

[Syberus rolls back into the ring as Juan “Smith” picks himself up with the ropes.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus lifts Juan Smith onto his shoulders with a torture rack... Argentine Backbreaker!!

[Smith falls limp off Syberus's shoulders. Syberus pulls him up and hooks his arm.]

Phil Blauer: Pure Confidence time!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Pure Confidence!!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... 3!!!

[“Pet” breaks back into play and the crowd respond with more jeers. Syberus gets up and has his hand raised by Ron Reid. Syberus calls for a microphone and his music dies down.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: I suppose he's got more to say for himself.

Phil Blauer: Probably wants to comment on his stirring performance.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Stirring?

Phil Blauer: I was stirred. Were you stirred?

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: If anything I was TOO stirred.

[Syberus breathes heavily, acting like he's had a long fought match.]

Syberus: Thank you, thank you. I'd like to say hats off to the stellar competition that is Team Mexico, and even though they got close tonight, they fell short but that's nothing to be ashamed of.

[More boos. Syberus bats away a cup.]

Syberus: Isn't it great to have an owner who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty for a change? Maybe I should give myself a World Heavyweight title match next month, I have the power to do that, you see. I'm the Hardkore World owner afterall. I just beat two highly trained wrestlers at once.

Or maybe I'll award myself contendership for the American title, I never did get to hold that belt.

What? I worked hard to put this company on the map. I deserve a little some'n. I beat Soutter in a stretcher match! I swerved Humblestein and Cobryn! I'll do what I want, because I'm the owner! Ha! Hahaha!!

[He drops the mic and “Pet” plays again, flipping over the top rope he makes his way back up the ramp jaw jacking with some fans.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Well, Syberus certainly has the power to do all of the above given his status as Hardkore World owner.

Phil Blauer: And I wouldn't put it past him to do it.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Maybe he'll be fair and choose not to abuse his control of the company in any way.

Phil Blauer: We get fired if we wear any kind of hat indoors. Or if we listen to music with giant headphones.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: But my Skullcandy Aviators were endorsed by Jay Z!!!

Phil Blauer: There's more. It was all in an e-mail titled "pet peeves that'll get you shitcanned".

Guillermo O'Bannon: Whatever happens, Hardkore World is back and Syberus is in the driving seat.

[The arena goes black as ocean sounds and a distant piano melody can be heard.]

O’Bannon: What in the world?

[The first loud chord of "Pirate Jet" by The Gorillaz plays and suddenly blinding white pyros go off.]

Phil Blauer: Yes! Yes! Your leader has returned Guillermo!

[When the pyros fade Marty is in a super hero pose on the stage surrounded by his leeches and washed up wrestler friends. Marty is dressed in a three piece and his entourage all wear his latest tap out style t-shirt and flat brim hat].

O’Bannon: I don’t remember voting for this clown.

Phil Blauer: Typical. You and your Ron Paul friends were too high on the mary jane to remeber. Why aren’t you all standings in respect?

[Matt Boone hops up instantly and salutes.]

Phil Blauer: Yolanda, would you show some more skin for the man? Unbutton that blouse!

[Donovan’s ring team hype up the crowd and push shopping carts of over priced merchandise that they sell to the front row. Steve Bishop sits on the middle rope to let Marty in.]

Yolanda: He can see all the skin on my middle finger.

[Marty snatches the microphone from WIld Bill and scowls.]

O’Bannon: Our fearless leader doesn’t look too happy.

Yolanda Ando: Natalie must still not be giving him any.

Phil Blauer: Hush! He’s about to speak.

[ Marty lifts the mic and is immeditely greeted by boos. He looks at his watch.]

Marty: I will wait.

[The boos grow stronger before finally dying down.]

Marty: I’d like to thank Mr.Haven for coming to his senses and re opening the greatest company in our industry’s history. I’d also like to thank him for offering me employment in this turbulent economical climate.

[ Marty motions towards the announcer table.]

Marty: The production team here has always been top notch, so I’d also like to take this time to thank Phil Blauer and his crew.

Ando & O’Bannon: And his crew?!?!

Matt Boone: And his Crew!?! I’m his crew! MARTY THANKED ME!

[Marty’s leeches attempt to start a “Thank You Phil” chant that only goes over slightly. Blauer waves to the crowd and chokes back a tear.]

Blauer: I’m speechless! I never asked for any recognition!

Yolanda: You demanded it from that Ruby Tuesdays manager who wouldn’t let you use a five year old coupon!

Marty: FInally, I want to thank the Hardkore World audience and especially the Palm Springs faithful. You’ve all opened my eyes.

[Marty actually gets a pop from the audience.]

Marty: Yes, I’ve always believed that the Hardkore demographic was special, that all of you were smarter, more sophisticated, and well versed than the average group. Well thank you for the wake up call because I now realize you’re the same shit eating, fat morons in any arena.

[The crowd starts to throw garbage again.]

Phil Blauer: Concessions will be raking in the money tonight.

Marty: Honestly, Hardkore World closes down and none of you bat an eye. You just go on to whatever other subpar, vamp filled, joke of a company opens up. I busted my ass for five years so you guys can all go cheer for a mormon and a WOMAN in The Frank? Well fuck you!

[The crowd really starts to rain down boos.]

Marty: I’ve given you all countless classic matches and what thanks do I get? I had to wrestling in fucking Bridgeport, Connecticut, the asshole of the world. I can attest to that I’m from the state. I had to appear on a god damn WARPED wrestling high school gym show because none of you could get off your lard asses and write an angry letter to Kaji!

[More boos from the crowd. Phil is crying even more.]

Phil Blauer: Oh! Why!? Why did we treat him so poorly?

O’Bannon: Because he’s an arrogant prick.

Marty: You can boo me, but deep down inside you know it is true. You’re going to order the next FREQUENTLY CRAPPY WRESTLING show. You’re going to cheer for those dinosaurs like Karnage that you’ve been spoon fed your entire life. You’re going to pretend Adrian Tanner is a main eventer, but deep down inside you know the truth.

[Marty walks towards the in ring camera and stares it down.]

Marty: That you should have respected your leader when you still had the chance.

Phil Blauer: Listen to this crowd! Pleading for Marty’s forgivness like sinners outside Noah’s arc.

Marty: I’m going to break Kilroy and Karnage and Tanner. I’m going to cripple every one of your beloved heroes so you’ll learn a lesson. Just look at the destruction I’ve done over the decade. Roll the tape.

[The jumbotron starts playing a video of a press conference. Marty panics.]

Marty: This isn’t the video! Stop the tape! Stop the tape.

[ Syberus walks up the podium followed by Marty in a silk robe. An electronic weight scale is set up on the stage as well.]

Syberus: Thanks for all coming out. Marty has requested that we do a more traditional weigh in and press briefing for The American Heavyweight Championship bout. So without further ado, Marty will weigh in.

[Cockily Marty takes off the robe revealing a pink speedo and a body painted American Title on his chest. He poses awhile, showing off his new physique, before hoping on the scale. A big display screen reads 230.]

Marty: Wooooo! That is whale blubber dieting, baby! I’m in the best shape of my life.

Syberus: And here is the Champion, Kilroy Evans.

[Kilroy walks out, dressed in an old fashion stripped swimsuit, a scuba mask, floaties, a duckie intertube, and flippers. He gives a toothy grin.]

Kilroy: I’m ready for the swimsuit portion of the contest!

Marty: This isn’t a swimsuit contest!

Kilroy: Then why would you ever wear that?

[The press and live crowd laugh and Marty looks furious.]

Syberus: Alright Champ, just step on the scale.

Marty: You’re going to need one for each foot. This is like a Garfield strip.

[Kilroy eagerly steps on. The scale reads 200. Marty’s jaw drops.]

Syberus: Okay, time for the Q&A.

Marty: No fucking way.

Kilroy: Is something wrong, Marty?

Marty: You are not thirty fucking pounds lighter than me.

Kilroy: True. All this stuff is prolly making me heavier.

[Kilroy strips down to the swimsuit and the scale now reads 190. Marty looks as if he’s going to have a heart attack.]

Marty: It isn’t calibrated. FIX IT!

[Kilroy steps off and some techies work on the scale. Marty shoves them out of the way and hops back on. It once again reads 230 and he looks relieved.]

Marty: Okay State Puff, now you weigh in.

[Kilroy hops back on and the Scale reads 180. Marty shrieks and throws a chair across the stage.]

Kilroy: Is something wrong, buddy?

[Kilroy bites into a doughnut and the scale drops to 175. Marty drops to the floor and has a temper tantrum.]

Marty: Ban him! Thomas! You have to ban him! Waaah!
Syberus: Well, we only have one weight class at the moment anyway. This publicity stunt was your idea so...who cares. How about we move on to the photo opportunity?

[ Marty gets up and takes a classic poster stance with his hands up facing Kilroy. Syberus stands in between so they can’t fight. Kilroy, missing the point, turns his body towards the camera and smiles.]

Marty: You’re doing it wrong! Stand like we’re in a fight.

Kilroy: Oh, sorry.

[Kilroy moves his body parallel and then poses as if he’s shooting a gun at Marty.]

Marty: NO! A fight!

Kilroy: It was a fight. I was the only one smart enough to bring a gun.

Marty: A fist fight!

Kilroy: You never specified.

[Marty is boiling mad. ]

Marty: Pose with your hands up! Do what I’m doing.

[Kilroy finally takes the traditional pose for a moment, but then his fist reaches out and squeezes Martys noes he runs off laughing and parading around Marty’s “nose”.]

Kilroy: I got your nose!

Marty: Make him give me my nose back! You’re the owner and can stop this! I need my nose!

[Syberus is laughing to hard to do anything. Kilroy hides on the other side of the scale.]

Kilroy: You’ll need to weigh in again since you lost your nose.

[Marty storms over towards Kilroy and walks over the scale. He halts when he hears the crowd laugh and looks at the screen. It reads four inches.]

Kilroy: Size isn’t everything. You still have personality and your nose...oh nevermind.

[Marty lets out a death shriek and lifts the scale over his head. He begins to slam it on the ground until it has broken into a million pieces. Kilroy escapes through the crowd as Marty collapses on the stage and sobs. The shot cuts back to Marty in the ring, horrified. The Hardkore Hall crowd is chanting “GOT YOUR NOSE”. Marty lifts the microphone to speak, but then drops it and runs backstage.]

Phil Blauer: What a horrible lack of respect, especially considering it is black history month.

O’Bannon: No it isn’t.

Phil Blauer: You know the old saying. It is always black history month somewhere.

Matt Boone: The doctors are gonna fix Marty’s nose, right?

[The shot fades out on Boone worried.]

[The shot cuts to a small table in the backstage area. Sitting at is is none other than YOUR Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion, Kilroy Evans. He sits calmly, the title propped up on the table as he looks into the camera. Kilroy sets down a bowl of ice cream in front of it and straightens his t-shirt a little. This has a picture of Walter Sobchak on it, captioned with "YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT, DONNY!"]

Kilroy Evans: Classic Marty Donovan, am I right? I'm totally right. I know sometimes I'm in the minority, but I can't help but watch Marty with rapt attention. The man is pure entertainment in every sense of the word. The consummate performer. The total package!

[Kilroy's trademark smile appears on his face.]

Kilroy Evans: Marty Donovan amuses me to no end. It was true when we stood side by side and it remains the same facing off against one another. I don't understand the dislike for him. I just don't get it. What's to hate? The awful things he says? The terrible things he does just to say he's a winner? The overpowering stench of desperation that he wears like a stinky cologne?

[Kilroy slams a fist down on the table.]

Kilroy Evans: Bah, I say! All the more reason to throw support his way. If he just had the proper amount of love and tolerance, I have no doubt he wouldn't feel the need to say such silly notions like him believing he could actually cripple me.

[Kilroy puts a hand in font of his face as he tries to contain his childish laughter.]

Kilroy Evans: I mean, let's have some real talk here. Marty just needs a guiding light. If this match were just about the title...hell, I'd just give it to him. Fighting to hold onto a title is the most boring thing in the world to me. But Marty wants this to be about more. He wants a spectacle because he obviously is craving attention. And I would never deny a guy like Marty my full---and unyielding---attention. I owe it to him.

[Kilroy stands up, eyes never moving from the camera. His smile, big and toothy, remains but something about his face becomes more sinister than it was a second ago.]

Kilroy Evans: Marty Donovan is my hero. Whenever I feel too awkward or weird to face the world, I remember that Marty Donovan is out there. He's out there being Marty Donovan 24/7, and, if he can manage doing that, then I too can be unafraid to stand amongst people contantly rolling their eyes and giving me sidelong glances wherever I go. And, on top of that, he's the funniest guy I've ever met.

[Kilroy nods enthusiastically at his last statement.]

Kilroy Evans: Oh yeah. And can you believe people come up to me and question that? They say things like "How can he be funny to you? He's a vile little troll of a man!" or "He's every terrible human instinct and way of thinking shaped like a man!" or even "Marty Donovan is pretty much the avatar for the god of shitheads."

[Kilroy throws his hands up in confusion and dismay, mouthing the word "What?!" a few times.]

Kilroy Evans: And I can't help but feel confused, maybe even a little bad for everyone else. Because they can't see what I do. I mean, if Marty Donovan isn't the funniest person ever, then why is it that every time he opens his mouth I just laugh...

[Kilroy advances on the camera.]

Kilroy Evans: ...and laugh...

[His eyes widen, the smile gets as big as it can.]

Kilroy Evans: ...and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and LAUGH! Like so.

[Kilroy's laughter is incredibly loud and incredibly unsettling. He looks back to the camera.]

Kilroy Evans: He has to be doing a bit. He has to be! He comes out with things like "I'm going to cripple Kilroy" when he knows that that's going to end up being mutually assured destruction. I have much love for Marty Donovan. Too much, in fact, to hold back for any reason. That's why we'll all come to know the time after the bell rings as "the part where I kill you." In short, Marty, it is with much regret that I must reject your reality and substitute my own. I'm pretty good at it, too.

[Kilroy looks over at the table and gets annoyed.]

Kilroy Evans: Oh, for the love of Pete! I can't take you anywhere.

[Kilroy goes back to the table and the camera sees a now empty bowl in front an America title with ice cream smeared on the faceplate. Kilroy grabs some napkins and cleans it up. He turns to the camera with a "What're ya gonna do?" expression.]

Kilroy Evans: I gotta handle this, so...oh hey.

[Kilroy digs in his pocket and takes out his hand in a fist, with his thumb between his index and middle fingers.]

Kilroy Evans: Don't let me forget to get this back to you. I really shouldn't hold onto these. I tend to break 'em.

[Kilroy smiles into the camera as only he can before the camera finally cuts elsewhere.]

[Cut to another part of the arena, where one more familiar face can be seen watching Kilroy's promo on a monitor, specifically this part:

Adrian Tanner Jr: I am both horrified and amused by this. God I missed Kilroy.

[The Arizona Assassin chuckles and shakes his head before picking up an envelope laying on the table next to the monitor. He ruffles through a few papers inside the envelope before flashing that infamous smirk at the camera, and heading out of shot.]

Adrian: *sings* Home sweet hoooome...

[Fade.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Okay folks, it's time for the first of our three beat the clock challenge matches.

Phil Blauer: The winner gets a Hardkore World title match, the losers get forgotten in eternal obscurity.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno and Rage Dave Sadler we all know about, and as for Rally Jackson the accolades speak for themselves. But Syberus has essentially “seeded” those three competitors and placed them each up against a local rookie.

Phil Blauer: I'm rooting for American Highwayman to pull off the upset.

[“Glory Days” by Bruce Springsteen starts to play at the crowd give a polite reaction as American Highwayman pushes through the curtain and starts to make his way down the ramp.]

“Wild” Bill Kasal: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is part of the beat the clock challenge! Introducing first, from Baltimore, Maryland; standing 6'2 and weighing 248 lbs... AMERICAN HIGHWAYMAN!!!

Phil Blauer: This guy has all the tools to succeed and be Hardkore World Champion. I've never been so sure of anything in my life.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Well in order to do that he first needs to get through Bruno, and that's no small task.

Yolanda Ando: American Highwayman wears red trunks and white knee pads with white boots. His wrists are taped up with white tape.

[American Highwayman steps into the ring and tries to pump the crowd up, but the crowd leave their seats when “Bring the Pain” by Method Man starts up. Bruno strides out from the back and raises his hands above his head.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The big man is here! Bruno could pull off a major victory in terms of his career and get a chance at that Hardkore World Heavyweight title- and what a win that would be!

Phil Blauer: He has to beat the hot up and comer that is American Highwayman to do that though.

“Wild” Bill Kasal: And his opponent, from Compton, California; standing 7' tall, weighing 325 lbs... the Compton Colossus... BRUNO!!!

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Bruno spent most of his Hardkore World career with his eyes fixed on the West Coast title. He has a chance to go even bigger here.

[Bruno strides over the top rope and rubs his hands together, his eyes fixed on American Highwayman. Referee Ron Reid rings the opening bell and the match gets underway.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Both men lock up dead centre and Bruno immediately shoves American Highwayman back and down to the canvas; showcasing his massive strength advantage!

Phil Blauer: That won't phase this hot shot.

Guillermo O'Bannon: American Highwayman back to his feet and rolls his wrist. Both men lock up, Bruno takes Highwayman into a headlock. Highwayman elbows out, and throws a few right hands at the Compton Colossus.

[Highwayman comes off the ropes and ducks a clothesline from Bruno. Highwayman kicks the back of his knee and bulldogs him.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Highwayman's offence is going to be restricted due to the massive size of his opponent here in Bruno. At 6'2, 245 Highwayman might usually be able to use an array of suplexes and throws but that's going to be out of the question here.

[Highwayman keeps it grounded with a camel clutch.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Referee Mike Peters asks Bruno if he wants to give but nothing doing.

Phil Blauer: The next big thing American Highwayman is just wearing the big man down.

Guillermo O'Bannon: But this kind of move is going to be slowing the pace as the object is to beat your opponent as quickly as possible; perhaps American Highwayman is just looking for the win first of all here in his first Hardkore World showing, and if it wins him the beat the clock challenge as well then all the better.

[Bruno battles up to his knees with American Highwayman now holding on with a sleeper.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Highwayman holds on as Bruno gets back to his feet! Bruno falls backward and crushes Highwayman to the mat!!

Phil Blauer: A trillion pounds of impact!

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... (Highwayman rolls a shoulder.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno thought he might have this beat the clock challenge won there, but that wasn't enough. He picks up the limp American Highwayman and swings him effortlessly with a sideslam.

Phil Blauer: It's going to take all of Bruno's experience to beat this young prodigy today.

[Bruno tosses Highwayman to the ropes and catches him with a big boot! Bruno drops all his weight with an elbow to Highwayman's chest.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Could be it!

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... (Highwayman kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: If one of these two men could score an early win, it's going to be a serious challenge for the four remaining challengers.

Phil Blauer: This kid has Bruno riiiight where he wants him.

[Bruno drops a leg over Highwayman's head.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Uh, yeah. Anyway Bruno rolls Highwayman onto his shoulders and smothers a forearm over his face!

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... (Highwayman kicks out.)

Phil Blauer: All day. All day.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno drags the American Highwayman back to his feet.

Phil Blauer: American Highwayman.

Guillermo O'Bannon: What?

Phil Blauer: It's just American Highwayman. There's no “the”.

[Bruno scoops him up with ease and slams him to the canvas.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: My mistake.

Phil Blauer: You should remember the name, it'll be etched on the Hardkore World Championship next month.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Well for that to happen he's going to have to fight back in a big way here, Bruno lifts American Highwayman onto his shoulders and drops him face first onto the turnbuckle.

[Bruno grabs Highwayman again but he elbows him off and buys himself some time with a thumb to the eye. Highwayman rolls out of the ring to catch his breath which draws boo's from the crowd.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: This kind of tactic will add unwanted seconds onto the clock here, and the crowd don't like it.

Phil Blauer: It's the ring presence of a champion, Guillermo.

[Bruno doesn't like it and strides over the ropes, sending Highwayman scuttling around the ring and back in the other side.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno goes to climb in the ring not looking too happy, but Highwayman knocks him off the apron!

[Bruno falls onto the ring barrier, shoving it back and trapping the disable kid in the front row. Highwayman goes on the attack, leaping over the top rope with a suicide dive onto Bruno!]

Crowd: Ooohh!!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Highwayman pulls himself up on the ring apron, that dive took it out of himself as well!

Phil Blauer: Get him back in the ring, champ!

Guillermo O'Bannon: He looks to do just that, but Bruno is a lot of weight to try and shift around.

[Bruno blocks Highwayman and rams his head onto the ring apron.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Oh! Bruno rolls Highwayman back into the ring and flattens him with a clothesline!

[Bruno lifts Highwayman up from the canvas by his throat and delivers a Chokeslam!]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno lifts Highwayman up into a suplex and drops him with the Brunobuster!!!

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... 3!!!

[“Bring the Pain” by Method Man starts up again and the crowd pop as Bruno gets back to his feet and celebrates.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Bruno won't be happy with the time being wasted on the outside of the ring, but still managed to beat his opponent in relatively quickfire time.

Phil Blauer: Dust yourself off, kid. I'll take you under my wing.

“Wild” Bill Kasal: Ladies and gentlemen, in a time of 4 minutes 39 seconds the winner of the match... BRUNO!!!

Guillermo O'Bannon: 4 minutes 39 is the time set here by Bruno for the four remaining competitors in this beat the clock challenge to beat. Bruno has given himself a very good chance here!

Phil Blauer: But the brave fighting spirit of the incredible American Highwayman could have cost him big.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Stay tuned to find out who will be challenging for the Hardkore World Heavyweight title next month!!

[Bruno makes his way back up the ramp looking a little pissed but still celebrating with the fans behind the barrier.]

(The lockerroom is empty but there is the sound of people moving around. Suddenly someone who's back is to the camera enters along with a female. They
look around and turn around to reveal themselves as The Shootfighter and Angela.)

The Shootfighter: "Remember us Hardkore World. It's The Shootfighter and Angela and we've returned to where I've had my most memorable moments."

Angela: "There were quite a few when you were here."

The Shootfighter: "There sure was. When Hardkore World died I thought it was going to be the end of something that was innovative. After two years I noticwed Hardkore World came back again and what is Hardkore World without one of it's most loyal veterans."

Angela: "Imagine two years and the place hasn't changed."

The Shootfighter: "Except for some of the talent. Marty is probably running his mouth and acting as stupid as Deadpool trying to kill himself."

Angela: "Rally 'Jacari" Jackson is still wearing the same wrestling outfit."

The Shootfighter: "I already forgot him so I'm not going to even bother with
him or his cheap cellphone gags."

Angela: "Still we wonder if anyone remembered that you're still one of Hardkore World's stalwarts."

The Shootfighter: "They'll remember me or they'll feel why The Shootfighter is always one of the most dangerous wrestlers in Hardkore World. They'll know why
The Shootfighter will always be one of the more dangerous wrestlers ever seen."

Angela: "Now to those who thought Shootfighter retired think again. Those who believed Shootfighter just faded away after Hardkore World folded two years ago.
Think again."

The Shootfighter: "You see I spent some time in the UCW but it wasn't much for me and I decided to leave. I wasn't upset about it and decided to train my latest
GDW protege Nikos."

(He smiles which is rare for him.)

The Shootfighter: "Now those who think I've mellowed out because I allowed a smile on my face. Think again since the thought of training the son of my bitter enemy Orion gave me such satisfaction and not he's turned into what I hoped he would and that's a sadistic rulebreaker. Makes me quite proud to know someone
is actually listening besides my own proteges."

Angela: "As he said."

The Shootfighter: "Now back to Hardkore World I could care less who I face and what kind of match it is. Doesn't matter if your taller than me or my size or even smaller. You think I care. I could care less about my opponents. The most important thing is they're going to be going to school when The Shootfighter is in the ring teaching the lessons they should have learned. The thought makes me
real nostalgic. So Hardkore World be warned that Shootfighter has returned and
he's going to be more aggressive than ever before."

Angela: "Definitely."

The Shootfighter: "Like she said. Whoever I face be ready when I return. I'm going to be and it's not going to be the lessons you expect when I'm teaching you.
laugh and don't take me seriously, but you'll see that Shootfighter is quite serious and backs up everything he says."

Angela: "You've been warned."

(The scene sliowly fades to black with "The Shootfighter Returns Soon" which slowly fades to black.)

[“English Fire” by Cradle of Filth starts to play and the crowd boos. RDS makes his way out from backstage showing no love in return to the crowd.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Well, “Rage” Dave Sadler clearly isn't here to make friends as he continues this beat-the-clock challenge against another newcomer, Colby Malone.

Phil Blauer: Malone? Ha! More like Shmamone.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Yeah, uh... good one.

Phil Blauer: Hey, it's the first day back. Excuse me for being a little rusty.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Anyway here comes David Sadler, who's been in an out of Hardkore World for some time.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Sadler boasts a not-too-unimpressive collection of Hardkore World title gold to his name, winning the American Tag Team and Six Man Tag Team championships, as well as the World Television and Light Heavyweight titles.

Guillermo O'Bannon: What a win it would be for Sadler if he could add the big one to that resumé. In order to get that shot, he has to go through Colby Malone and beat Bruno's time of 4 minutes 39.

[Sadler swears at some ringside fans and laughs at the disabled people before rolling into the ring.]

Yolanda Ando: RDS wears a black bandanna, black elbow and knee pads and standard wrestling boots. He wears black tights with “English Fire” printed on the back of them. He still has his traditional white wrist taped hands.

“Wild” Bill Kasal: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is part of the beat the clock challenge. Introducing first, from Ipswich, England... standing 5'11 and weighing 225 lbs... “Rage” Dave Sadler... RDS!!!

[The crowd hails with boo's. “Once” by Pearl Jam starts to play and the crowd pick up, giving a warm reception to the newcomer.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Again very little known about Colby Malone.

Phil Blauer: You're a poet, you don't know it!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Really, Phil?

[Phil shakes his head.]

Phil Blauer: I'm sorry.

Guillermo O'Bannon: You're better than that.

Phil Blauer: I know, I know. It's been a while.

“Wild” Bill Kasal: And his opponent, from Cork, Ireland; standing 5'8 and weighing 202 lbs... COLBY MALONE!!!

[The crowd cheer as Malone nips nimbly over the top rope. Sadler sneers as Malone hops up onto the turnbuckle and raises his arms.]

Yolanda Ando: Colby Malone wears-

[RDS rushes in and german suplexes Colby off the turnbuckle!]

Yolanda Ando: Nevermind.

Guillermo O'Bannon: The aggressive RDS straight into the action, mounting Malone with a flurry of rights and lefts!

[Referee Ron Reid pulls RDS off Malone, and Malone gets back up holding his face. Malone ducks a clothesline and superkicks RDS in the face!]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Boom! This could be it!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... (RDS kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: What an upset that could have been!

Phil Blauer: Sadler is seeing lights, but he had the ability to kick out straight away. Great kick though.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Malone kicks RDS sharply across the back, looking to maintain an advantage over the veteran Englishman.

Phil Blauer: He should work the ribs, RDS mainly lives on a diet of bangers n' mash.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Malone waits for RDS to get back to one knee and pops up with a shining wizard!

[The crowd pop Malone's quick offence as he falls onto Sadler for another pin.]

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... (RDS kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Still nothing doing for the young Irishman here, but he's certainly showing he has the intensity needed to cause an upset.

Phil Blauer: He needs to do as much damage as quickly as he can.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Colby pulls Sadler back to his feet but RDS shrugs him off and lifts a knee into his midsection. Sadler drops him with a DDT!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... (Malone kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: RDS pulls Colby Malone back to his feet and sends him to the ropes with an irish whip- Malone ducks the clothesline but RDS catches him on his return with a back elbow to the face!

[Sadler rocks Malone back with a European uppercut, before hooking his arm behind his back and folding him up with a half nelson suplex.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: RDS back in control as the young Irishman looks dazed. Sadler comes off the ropes with a springboard dropkick!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... (Malone rolls a shoulder.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sadler grabs Malone by one leg and turns him over, bending his spine with a half crab!

[The crowd boos as RDS yells at Malone to submit but he shakes his head no.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Malone showing a lot of fight here, not willing to give up too easily on the chance of stepping into Hardkore World and challenging for the World Heavyweight championship.

Phil Blauer: He might not fare too well challenging for that title with a broken spine.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Reid is asking Malone if he wants to submit, but the kid from Cork is flat out refusing at this stage as the crowd here in Hardkore Hall urges him toward those ropes.

[Malone reaches for the ropes but RDS drags him back to the centre of the ring to another hail of boos.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Malone is still refusing to give up, fighting back to the ropes again, reaching with everything he's got to try and reach them and break this hold. RDS is going to want to get this one finished soon here as we gradually edge toward that time set by Bruno earlier.

[Colby finally grabs the ropes to a cheer from the crowd. Ron Reid forces Sadler to break the hold, which he does so despite arguing.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sadler stomps all over Malone's face and shoulders. RDS drags him back to his feet but Malone shakes him off. Malone knees Sadler in the ribs before grabbing him by the head and nipping up the turnbuckle with a flying bulldog!!

[The crowd pops as Malone rolls away from Sadler, catching his breath. He pulls himself up to a seated position in the corner and collects himself.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Malone giving himself some breathing time here, but time is of the essence in this beat the clock challenge.

Phil Blauer: Maybe he has the same thought as American Highwayman's tactics before of trying to survive before thinking of the Heavyweight title.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Malone drags himself gradually over to the cover and finally hooks Sadler's leg.

Referee Ron Reid: 1... (RDS rolls a shoulder up.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Nothing doing just yet. Malone looks over to the turnbuckle and seems to be getting ideas.

[Malone pulls himself up with the ropes and with encouragement from the crowd makes his way up the turnbuckle.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: RDS stumbles to his feet and Malone leaps off the top rope to catch Sadler with a hurricanrana!!

[The crowd pop and Malone finds some energy to drop onto the cover.]

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... (RDS kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sadler is finding this Colby Malone to be a lot more troublesome that he had hoped; he wanted an easy ride to the number one contendership spot and he isn't getting it.

[Malone leans back on the ropes, allowing RDS to get back up. He rattles some rights hands over Sadler's face. Malone drops RDS with a facebuster.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Malone pops back up and drops an elbow onto Sadler's face!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... thr(Sadler kicks out.)

Phil Blauer: A split second away!

Guillermo O'Bannon: RDS is really rocking here, Malone drags him back to his feet, but Sadler cuts him off with a knee lift. Sadler hits an exploder suplex!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... thr(Malone kicks out!)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sadler can't believe it! He drags Malone back up and clasps his hands around Malone's waist, delivering a huge gut wrench suplex!

Phil Blauer: RDS needs to get this thing finished. He's running out of time.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sadler lifts Colby Malone into an Outsider's Edge, Crucifixion!!!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... 3!!!

Phil Blauer: It's over!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sadler finally puts this young man away, but just how long did it take?

“Wild” Bill Kasal: Ladies and gentlemen, in a time of 4 minutes 53 seconds the winner of the match... RAGE DAVE SADLER!!!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Not a good enough time as RDS falls short; failing to better Bruno's time of 4 minutes 39 seconds!

[RDS is clearly pissed and hits a double underhook powerbomb on Colby Malone. The crowd boo as he leaves the ring and “English Fire” plays again.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: RDS letting Malone feel his disappointment first hand. But like it or not he isn't going to be challenging for the World Heavyweight title next month.

Phil Blauer: Now it falls to Rally Jackson and Trent Danger to spoil Bruno's party.

[Sadler gets trash thrown at him as he insults the crowd.]

[The piano section of "Main Titles" from "Letters from Iwo Jima" plays over the PA system for a moment. As this finishes, "Block Rockin' Beats" by the Chemicals Brothers kicks in and the crowd reaches their feet.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Here we go ladies and gentlemen; we're about to find out just who will be facing the winner of Andrew Karnage vs. James Fierce later on tonight next month for the Hardkore World Heavyweight title. Will it be Bruno, or one of these two men: Rally “Jacare” Jackson or Trent Danger...

Phil Blauer: Well, the newcomers aren't doing well so far, being 0-for-2. And who would have predicted THAT?! Not I.

“Wild” Bill Kasal: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is the third match in the beat the clock challenge... introducing first from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; standing 6'2 and weighing 241 pounds... RALLY "Jacare" JACKSON!!!

[Rally "Jacare" Jackson pops through the curtains. He has a focused look on his face as he bobs down to the ring doing a little shadow boxing. Rally acknowledges some ringside fans before rolling into the ring.]

Yolanda Ando: Rally wears green boxing trunks with yellow trim that read "No gui" on them. He's wearing an Affliction t-shirt which he rips off and throws out of the ring.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: This is going to be some undertaking for Trent Danger. Rally is a three time Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion, as well as former World Tag Team Champion, Frank Marano Tournament winner and Hardkore Britain Heavyweight Champion.

Guillermo O'Bannon: One of the most decorated stars in wrestling, and here he has a chance to get himself back into position to wrestle for the biggest prize of all.

[“Headstrong” by Trapt starts to play and Trent Danger appears on the stage. He raises his arms in the air to a polite response and makes his way down the ramp.]

“Wild” Bill Kasal: And his opponent... from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, Canada... standing 6'1, weighing 234 lbs... TRENT DANGER!!!

[Trent Danger rolls into the ring and raises his arms again, grinning widely. He cracks his neck from side to side and exchanges a few words with Rally. The music dies down and referee Mike Peters signals for the bell.]

Yolanda Ando: Trent Danger wears a black T-Shirt which simply reads “Danger!” on the front. He wears silver shorts with a black stripe down either side, simple black knee pads and boots.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Now, can this young unknown be the man to upset the odds and challenge for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship? Anything can happen in this business.

Phil Blauer: Looks to me like he has a distinct lack of respect for the three time former champ.

[Trent Danger starts to jaw jack, making fun of Rally's MMA style.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: This might not be smart on the part of Trent Danger, he's in there with one of the best, and he doesn't want to give him any more fire that he's already got.

Phil Blauer: I think he's saying he preferred when Rally had dreads. I agree.

[Trent Danger shoves Rally in the chest, daring him to take the first shot.]

Phil Blauer: Well, maybe this isn't such a bad idea trying to shake Rally's focus-

[Rally knocks Trent Danger's head off with a high kick.]

Crowd: Ohhhh!!

Phil Blauer: ...nevermind.

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... 3!!!

[“Block Rockin' Beats” starts playing again and the crowd go wild for the abrupt finish. Rally shrugs and gets his hand raised, unable to resist a sly smile.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Incredible! This young kid's plan to get in Rally's head early on backfired in a big way!

Phil Blauer: Rally proving that most behavioural problems can be settled with a kick to the face.

Guillermo O'Bannon: One things for sure, we don't need to check the time to work out who's the winner of this beat the clock challenge tonight.

“Wild” Bill Kasal: Ladies and gentlemen in a time of 43 seconds... the winner of the match... RALLY “Jacare” JACKSON!!!

Phil Blauer: I, for one, feel better for getting confirmation.

[Rally rolls under the ropes and makes his way back up the ramp, not looking back at Trent Danger who is just beginning to stir. He exchanges a couple of fist bumps and the cheers tumble into boos as Rally is greeted at the top of the stage by Syberus.]

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Syberus coming to congratulate his old running partner in the Society of the New Breed.

Guillermo O'Bannon: I think there's more.

Phil Blauer: There usually is.

[Syberus is handed a microphone and applauds Rally.]

Syberus: Wow! Incredible! Great stuff, Rally. That's the kind of thing champions are made of. I can confirm that win came in a time of 43 seconds as announced by Bill Kasal... and so you are the winner of the beat the clock challenge and will face the winner of tonight’s main event between James Fierce and Andrew Karnage, next month for the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship!!

[The crowd pops.]

Syberus: But that's not all. See this isn't a Reginald P. Packer fed or some God-forsaken Paul Soutter abomination.

[He shudders.]

Phil Blauer: The horror.

Syberus: This is Hardkore World!! And in Hardkore World we do things right. We do things to the MAX~! Which is why I'm proud to present you with this- the 2012 Syberus Appreciation Beat-the-Clock Challenge Winner's Trophy!!

[A hot chick in a glittered bikini walks out with a glimmering trophy and presents it to Rally, who gives her a kiss on the cheek.]

Syberus: Aaaand this cheque for a thousand dollars!

[Another hot chick in a glittered bikini walks out with a giant cheque who hands it to Syberus, who in turn presents it to Rally and shakes his hand, posing with a smile for cameras.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Syberus not at all showing any favouritism toward his former tag team partner. And where'd the thousand wing wangs come from?

Phil Blauer: Looks like we're being paid in meal vouchers again.

Syberus: Ladies and gentleman the new number one contender for the Hardkore World Heavyweight championship... RALLY JACKSON!!!

[The crowd pops for Rally but is clearly distrustful of Syberus. Rally simply shrugs and walks backstage with his trophy and cheque.]

Phil Blauer: Boi-i-i-ng.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Well it didn't take long with Rally delivering the defining blow in under a minute here, but up next folks is the Hardkore American Heavyweight title match as we see Kilroy Evans defend against “the Rising Sun” Marty Donovan, falls count anywhere!!

Phil Blauer: Hold on to your everythings!

[The scene cuts to the back, where the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion is warming up, with a good old fashion homewrecker from Hillbilly Hotdogs in one hand and hitting a speed bag with the other.]

James Fierce: Now Rally Jackson, now that's a proper number one contender for a title a prestigious as the one I wear around my forty-eight inch waist.

[The camera pans back a bit to reveal that James is in fact wearing the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship around his waist.]

Unlike the vile, despicable and unabashed sellout I will be squaring off against tonight in the main event. Sure words have been said by both of us, but the sad truth of the matter only mine held truth. Only mine held water. Only my words were fact checked and proven by reputable individuals to be the complete and utter truth, and thusly seen as holy canon by the Assembly of The Great and Almighty Yorlik, and thusly seen as law.

Whereas Mr. Andy Karnage's words were discredited by six or nine qualified fact checkers, and thusly no more than a bunch of gibberish of that of a crazed Mormon that has his belief in a lunatic who received his messages from a false prophet.

The differences are staggering my friends. They really, truly, and factually staggering. I have not lead you astray in my time as the world's greatest wrestler, as I have lead us out of the dark ages carrying the torch that shines throughout Hardkore Hall on this very day. My struggles shall lead us all to glory once more as I, the defender of the Golden Belt, The Prophet of Yorlik, The defender of good against evil, The Greatest Competitive Eater of ALL Time, shall bring the Halls of Hardkore to greater heights than ever before.

But first, treason must be dealt with. Treason that slept with a succubus in exchange for a spot on a roster with a bunch of twilight rejects and hipster douche-bags. I'm pretty sure he even did a wedding angle. A wedding angle.

I'll say it once more folks...

Wedding.... Angle...

Did you hear that?

Wedding... Angle...

One wedding involving wrestlers and television is enough for an entire lifetime, and by god it was done right the first time, and there isn't a bit of sense going back and ruining what Macho and Liz did right the first time.

But that didn't stop the head dropping uncle from participating, and for this sin, and for the numerous others that he hath committed against wrestling and against the greatest deity to ever come by way of the Hills of Appalachia he shall pay with head drops and elbow drops, with bicycle chains and boot scrapes, with knees and elbows.

And with all that being said, he shall look up at the pretty glow of the lights of Hardkore Hall and see my shadow holding the most prestigious belt in all of wrestling high in the air as the billions and billions of my Asian followers scream my name with delight as they bask in my victory.

But then again, what do I know?

I am just Fierce after all...

[Scene fades.]

I've done seen those pretty lights that illuminate that ring, I hate those fuckin' things. Last two times I've stepped into this arena, my night has ended looking up at them. Their after image is burned into my retinas like the Jeff Hardy Deviantart page is burned into Mother Boone's computer screen. It's an ugly sight, James. A really ugly sight.

It leaves a bad taste in your mouth, just like those Homewreckers you love so much.

Nasty taste indeed.

[Crack.

Karnage's head tilts to the left.

Crack-crack.

He twists it back to the right.]

Now you got yourself ninety-nine problems, and I ain't one of them...

[The hint of the smile.]

...yet.

Now you go on and on and on about how I'm a traitor to the cause. That I betrayed our beloved Hardkore World, for the most innocent succubus in the history of the universe, James, nobody missed working for Hardkore World more than I did.

Kilroy Evans: Matt Boone was living in a Jack in the Box storeroom because his mom kicked him out of the basement for not having a "real job" anymore.

Andrew Karnage: I stand corrected, but James your paranoia isn't working. Your spin doctorin' like O'Reilly is fair and balanced. Truth in wrestling is the most tenuous of things at it's best, when you are talking about me and you, two guys who don't see eye to eye on anything, but hatin' Shiros like good God or Yorlik fearin' men should.

Oddly, we seem to be different sides of the same coin, throwin' `bows, droppin' knees, smash the face, grind the spine, leave the other guy limping for a week, if he can walk at all.

For that I respect you, and respectfully, you can go fuck yourself for all your mindless shittalk about me getting laid. This is Karnage does roids all over again, you know I'm lethal in that ring, so you have to find some random point and run the gag into the ground.

Keep proselytizing to your choir, keep the base happy like the politician you where born to be, run West By Gawd Virginia with a Hot Dog Fisted Hand after you retire, James. Like a chubby no-titted Sarah Palin, you betcha, you can folksy yourself into a plush job wearing a greasy suit kissin' babies and shaking hands with the unwashed masses.

All you need to be is just fierce, because at the end of the night, all that remains is the carnage.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Up next ladies and gentlemen is our Hardkore America Heavyweight title match, as Kilroy Evans defends against the locker room leader, Marty Donovan.

Phil Blauer: Marty has been chomping at the bit to wrestle this match and try and claim back the American title.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: These two have a long history with each other, they're no strangers.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Let's take you back to Portland in April of 2010, when Donovan lost the American title to Dougie Ray Bullet...

Phil Blauer: It was Kilroy who went onto beat Bullet for the title at Jonniepalooza.

Phil Blauer: It's never easy to face a guy who beat someone you couldn't.

Guillermo O'Bannon: And let's not forget this is falls count anywhere, and with Kilroy Evans and Marty Donovan that could mean we're in for a rough ride.

[“Seventeen Years” by Ratatat starts to play and the crowd leap from their seats. Kilroy pushes through the curtain with the Hardkore America Heavyweight title belt over his shoulder. He slaps some hands along the way and climbs into the ring.]

“Wild” Bill Kasal: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP; with falls counting anywhere in the building! Introducing first from Attbury, South Carolina; standing 5'11 and weighing 253 lbs... he is the HARDKORE AMERICA HEAYVWEIGHT CHAMPION... KILROY EVANS!!!

[The arena goes black as ocean sounds and a distant piano melody can be heard. The first loud chord of "Pirate Jet" by The Gorillaz plays and suddenly blinding white pyros go off.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Here comes the challenger.

[When the pyros fade Marty is in a cocky, superhero pose on the stage surrounded by his leeches and washed up wrestler friends. Marty and his entourage all wear his latest t-shirt and hat. His ring team hype up the crowd and push shopping carts of over priced merchandise that they sell to the front row. Phil Blauer gets in the ring and steals the microphone from Bill Kasal.]

Phil Blauer: Allow me to introduce the challenger and eventual winner... from Cheshire, Connecticut; standing 6' even; weighing 230 lbs... “the Rising Sun” MARTY DONOVAN!!!

[Phil looks pleased with himself and hands the mic back to Kasal before climbing back out of the ring and nearly falling off the apron. Marty's best friend and training partner Steve Bishop helps him out of his pre-fight clothes and gives advice on the opponent. They bro hug and Marty slides into the ring. He tests out the ropes as the crowd rain down boos.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Any particular reason for doing that?

Phil Blauer: 5% of ALL classic Marty Donovan merchandise reason enough for ya?

[Marty and Kilroy stare each other down. The first thing referee Ron Reid does is eject everyone else from ringside!]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Reid saying he wants no one else around to interfere in this match!

Phil Blauer: We can stay right?

Guillermo O'Bannon: Reid sending Marty Donovan's entire entourage to the back- something tells me though that's where this action is going to be heading.

Phil Blauer: Marty isn't happy about this.

Guillermo O'Bannon: The entourage begrudgingly makes its way up the ramp and Oh!- Kilroy tags Donovan with a right hand rocking him back in the corner to get this match started!

[Kilroy whips Sun across the ring and his chest impacts into the opposite turnbuckle. Kilroy pops Sun over with a backdrop and Sun rolls around holding his neck.]

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Rising Sun is in incredible shape after bulking up during Hardkore World's hiatus, adding about 15-20 lbs to his frame.

Phil Blauer: Thanks to my patented Blau-shakes.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy hits a running knee into Sun's face!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... (Sun kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy hooks both of Sun's arms but Donovan fights him off. Rising Sun kicks Kilroy in the ribs and runs the ropes, but Kilroy takes him back down with a back elbow!

[Kilroy rams Sun's head into the turnbuckle once, twice, three times, four times... he gives the crowd a thumbs up before ramming his head a fifth time.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The American Heavyweight Champion easing back into old ways here, coming off the ropes with a clothesline!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... (Sun kicks out.)

Phil Blauer: Come on Sun, you can do it! Just believe in yourself and anything is possible!

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: *sniff* you're an inspiration, sir.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans drops his challenger with a swinging neckbreaker, and once again Sun rolls around that canvas holding his neck.

[Kilroy slides out of the ring and starts foraging under the apron to the delight of the crowd.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: We could be about to get colorful here, Evans slides out a table!

[Kilroy starts setting up the table on the outside as Sun gets himself back up gradually in the corner. Once the table is up, Kilroy looks under the ring and drags out another!]

Phil Blauer: TWO?! Doesn't he know we're on a budget here?? There's a global economic crises, you know! Think of the Eurozone, Kilroy! The Eurozone!!!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Marty Donovan baseball slides Kilroy through the bottom ropes sending the champion into the steel barricade. Marty slaps Kilroy across the face! He DDT's Kilroy onto the concrete!!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... (Kilroy kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: What a sickening move, Kilroy Evan's head impacting with that concrete.

Phil Blauer: Not the first time, won't be the last time. It's probably tougher on the concrete at this point.

[Marty finishes off setting up the second table and drags Kilroy back to his feet, who is woozy for good reason.]

Marty Donovan: The title's mine! MINE! I'm the Champion! ME!!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Rising Sun leaving us in no doubt as to who he believes the title belongs to, and who the champion is.

[Kilroy comes alive again, lifting up Sun and driving his spine into the ring post! Both men fall to the concrete floor.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Oh! Both men down, Kilroy getting a chance to shake off the cobwebs here. Marty Donovan in bad shape holding his back.

Phil Blauer: Kilroy showing some champions instincts. It's what's won him so many titles over the years.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Without a doubt we're witnessing two of Hardkore World's best and brightest fighting for the right to hold one of the most prestigious titles in the business. Both men begin to get back to their feet and start trading blows.

[Sun cuts Kilroy off with a knee lift and slams his head onto the steel guard rail. Sun whips Kilroy into the steel steps and Kilroy goes tumbling over!]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Rising Sun on the offence now, stomping on the champion on the outside. Sun looks under the ring and pulls out a steel chair!

Phil Blauer: Kilroy needs to look out!

[Rising Sun lifts the chair over his head to deliver the blow and Kilroy punches him in the gut. Kilroy fights back to his feet with gradually rising rights and lefts, then grabs Marty's head and starts biting his face!]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy using his teeth and Sun is in agony! The champion flails around and finally kicks out with a low blow, but Kilroy Evans has drawn blood with his bite on the challenger here!

[Rising Sun wipes away some blood from his forehead with visible horror. He grabs the chair again and brings it down over Kilroy's head.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Ohh! Rising Sun getting some retribution for that bite, and now it looks like he wants to put away the champion in the early stages, Sun lifts up Kilroy's not entirely unsubstantial frame and puts him on one of those tables!

[The crowd begins to buzz as Donovan makes his way up the turnbuckle, booing as he makes a “throat cut” gesture.]

Phil Blauer: Are they booing him, or the cliché?

former prowrestling.com internet reporter: I'd say it's 50/50.

Phil Blauer: I'm going 60/40 cliché.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Donovan leaps off with a moonsault but Kilroy moves!! And Rising Sun crashes through the table to the floor below!!

Crowd: OOOHHHH!!!

[The crowd is alive as Rising Sun lays motionless in a pile of splintered wood and bent frame. Kilroy is stirring, pulling himself up with the apron and shaking off the chair shot.]

Phil Blauer: Unbelievable!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Rising Sun Marty Donovan is out here! What damage has been done to the challenger with that moonsault miss, which sent him through the table on the outside?!

Crowd: Hardkore World!! Hardkore World!! Hardkore World!!

Guillermo O'Bannon: It's been a little too long since we heard those chants, and I doubt Marty Donovan is making much of them at the moment!

[Kilroy is back to his feet and sees Sun motionless in the debris. He pulls a table leg out of his way and falls onto the cover.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: This could be it!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... (Sun rolls a shoulder up.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: No!!! Donovan with a stunning kick out, I can't believe he had anything left there.

Phil Blauer: Instincts of a champion!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Hard to argue with that. Kilroy Evans punches Sun in the head a few times, who is still bleeding from Kilroy's teeth a moment ago.

[Kilroy drags Sun out of the wreckage and rolls his limp body back into the ring.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Evans placing Sun back in the ring here, not that he needed to remember this match is anywhere falls. But Kilroy seemingly wants to finish it now, looks like he wants to hit that Bad Touch...

[Kilroy tells Sun to get up, and Marty weakly starts making his way up to his feet with the use of the ropes. He turns around to find Kilroy mid air looking for the Bad Touch, but Marty shoves him and Kilroy lands on his back.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Rising Sun escapes, for now at least.

[Donovan leaves under the ropes again trying to get some distance between him and Kilroy. The crowd boos him and Kilroy realises, and chases after him.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Donovan leaps the barrier and tries to make off through the crowd!

Phil Blauer: Don't touch them, Marty! Don't breathe their air!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Evans soon catches up, slamming a forearm into the back of Sun's head!

[Kilroy asks a fan for their chair, which they are only too happy to hand over. Kilroy smashes it over Sun's head!]

Crowd: Let's go Kilroy! *clap clap clapclapclap* Let's go Kilroy! *clap clap clapclapclap* Let's go Kilroy! *clap clap clapclapclap*

Guillermo O'Bannon: The crowd here at Hardkore Hall right behind the defending American Heavyweight Champion, who is right ontop of his challenger now. Kilroy stalks Donovan now, who barely knows where he is and is bleeding faster and faster it seems.

Kilroy: Boot to the Head!!!

[The crowd cheers as Kilroy delivers a roundhouse kick to Donovan's face. He falls onto the cover.]

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... thr(Sun kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Another close fall! And Kilroy can't believe it. These fans almost saw the champion retain right there in the crowd.

Phil Blauer: Marty will do it. He doesn't know how to fail.

[Kilroy drags Donovan back up but Sun manages to flick out a thumb to the eye. Sun then catches Kilroy off guard with a drop toe hold.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Rising Sun buying himself some priceless time here! It was looking decidedly ominous for the champion before he managed to take Kilroy down.

[Marty scrapes his boot down Kilroy's face and soaks in some boos from the fans. Some kid tries to get his autograph, he signs it, then demands the kid pays for the privilege.]

Phil Blauer: Worth every penny!

[Sun gets bored and pie faces the kid away. He wipes some blood from his eyes and drags Kilroy up, tagging him again with some right hands.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Donovan hits a bulldog! Champion down!

[Sun sits up holding his lower back having damaged himself in the process. Kilroy is sitting up but Sun shoves him down and goes for the cover.]

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... (Kilroy lifts a shoulder.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sun waits for Kilroy to pick himself up, taking a few steps back to deliver a shining wizard!!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... (Kilroy kicks out.)

Phil Blauer: Evans isn't going to stay down easily.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sun looking around for another implement to use in his pursuit of the Hardkore America Heavyweight title.

Phil Blauer: Oh look, a Fire Extinguisher.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Looks like that's what's taken Donovan's eye.

[Sun takes the Fire Extinguisher and sprays Kilroy with a cloud of powder!]

Phil Blauer: Bad move from a televisual sense.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Our vision is momentarily impaired here, I'm sure its worse for Kilroy Evans who just got a face full of that extinguishing powder.

[People in the crowd are coughing as the cloud disperses. Kilroy obviously can't see and Sun hits the Fire Extinguisher over his head.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sun mounts Kilroy and starts hitting right hands into his head. Determined look about the challenger here.

[Sun drags Kilroy back up, and Kilroy reacts with a quick spinebuster.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Both men down once again!

[Kilroy starts to crawl away and asks someone in the crowd for a beer. Kilroy starts washing his face with the beer, clearing away the powder!]

Phil Blauer: Kilroy using what's known as the “James Fierce shower”.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sun stumbles back to his feet still favouring that back. Both men start trading rights and lefts, fighting through the crowd, tipping over chairs and fans alike!

Phil Blauer: Kilroy headbutts Donovan, and belly to belly suplexes him onto some abandoned chairs!!

[Sun lies contorted in a pile of chairs, the crowd baying around him.]

Kilroy: I AM A MONSTER TRUCK THAT WALKS LIKE A MAN!!

[The crowd cheers in agreement and Kilroy throws chairs right and left off of Rising Sun, before pulling him up from the wreckage.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy clotheslines Sun back over the barricade to ringside!

Phil Blauer: Things not looking good for the challenger here.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Marty is bloodied up and barely moving, showing the tell tale signs of a match with American Heavyweight Champion Kilroy Evans.

[Kilroy rolls Sun into the ring, and climes up onto the apron, raising his arm to a cheer from the crowd.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Hardkore World fans have always have a special connection with Kilroy Evans.

Phil Blauer: They love 'em a crazy.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Word.

Guillermo O'Bannon: But wait- Marty Donovan sparks to life, back elbowing Kilroy across the face, knocking him off the apron and Kilroy spills through the remaining table!!

[Sun collapses to his knees in the ring, his chest heaving and blood running down his face at this point.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Marty Donovan using almost everything he had left to deliver a massive blow to Kilroy Evans, sending him off the apron, through a table and onto the concrete below!

[Sun slumps flat and rolls out of the ring, falling onto Kilroy for the cover.]

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... thr(Kilroy rolls a shoulder.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: No! It's still not over! And Marty Donovan can't believe it!

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Can the Rising Sun keep up this offence and bag him another American title?!

[Marty leans back on the ring post with a look of despair on his face, still breathing heavily and caked in blood. Kilroy begins to budge, and Sun starts to help him back to his feet.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sun hooks Kilroy looking for something big here but Kilroy fights out of it, both men weak but determined here. Champion and challenger trade blows, Kilroy Evans lifts a knee driving more air out of Rising Sun, and he's running out of that it's getting harder and harder to breathe for the challenger.

Phil Blauer: There's a Maroon Five gag in there somewhere, but I can't be bothered*.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy lifts Sun into a Blue Thunder Driver onto the concrete! Tag, You're It!!

[The crowd pops as Kilroy drapes a weak arm.]

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... thr(Sun rolls a shoulder up.)

Phil Blauer: Wow!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Unbelievable! How did Rising Sun kick out of that, Kilroy Evans can't believe it!

[Kilroy waists little time picking up Sun and pulling him into his legs.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy looking for a Piledriver here, this would definitely finish it! But Sun backdrops him over onto the arena floor!

[Kilroy's back hits the floor with a smack and Sun collapses again.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: You've got to feel like the next big move is going to win this match.

[Donovan looks under the ring and drags out a steel chair, barely able to hold it.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Rising Sun easing back to his feet here, Kilroy up to his knees, Sun takes that chair and dropkicks it into Kilroy's face!!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... (Kilroy kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sun wasting no time, picks up Kilroy and hooks him up for an inverted suplex, snapping him back with a Reverse DDT!! Better Than Cobryn!!!

Referee Ron Reid: 1... 2... 3!!!

[The bell rings and as if a wave of relief goes through Sun, his body goes completely limp ontop of Kilroy. The crowd hails with boos as “Pirate Jet” by the Gorillaz plays again and Ron Reid drapes the Hardkore American Heavyweight title over Rising Sun.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: It's over! That's it ladies and gentlemen, we have a new Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion! It was a hard fought and brutal match, but it was finally ended by that Better Than Cobryn on the concrete at ringside.

Phil Blauer: Yay!

“Wild” Bill Kasal: In a time of 20 minutes 12 seconds the winner of the match and NEW HARDKORE AMERICA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... “The Rising Sun” MARTY DONOVAN!!!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Neither man is moving yet, which is testament to just how tough this fight was for the American title. We have a new champion in the Locker Room Leader, but what an effort it took to prize that belt away from Kilroy Evans.

Phil Blauer: We expected blood, weapons and broken bodies, we got that.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Sun winning back that title he feels he never truly lost.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Fantastic effort from both men; still to come is the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship match between Andrew Karnage and James Fierce, stay tuned!

[The cameras fade as EMT's swarm around Sun and Kilroy.]




*legit OOC comment

[The following is a statement from Those Against Evil Clandestine Bastards.]

The Marty Donovan victory against the EVIL bastard Kilroy Evans is a victory for the good and morally upright citizens of the world. Kilroy used his status as HKW American Champion to poison babies with tainted milk, to ruin the internet with dubstep, and to cause uprisings throughout the World which ended in the deaths of countless innocents.

Thank you Marty Donovan for your bravery against tyranny, and thank you for standing on the side of the Good and the Righteous.

[The proceeding message was funded by Those Against Evil Clandestine Bastards, James Fierce President, Treasurer, and Moral Leader.]

[“Stuck in the Middle With You” by Stealers Wheel starts to play over the PA system and the crowd reach their feet as “The Hillbilly Assassin” James Fierce slowly makes his way to the ramp, with the World Heavyweight Championship belt resting over his shoulder. He slowly strut dances his way down the ramp, while a glimpse of a smirk can be seen through his awesomely thick beard. He then enters the ring, and poses for a moment, and awaits his opponent.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Well here we are folks, after that hotly contested match between Kilroy Evans and Marty Donovan- Donovan winning back the American Heavyweight title, we have the big one up for grabs as James Fierce puts that Hardkore World Heavyweight title on the line against Andrew Karnage.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Fierce has been critical of how Karnage has been going about his business during Hardkore World's hiatus, claiming he's lost his edge and gone soft.

Phil Blauer: Karnage is still dangerous on any night, Fierce knows it really.

Guillermo O'Bannon: It's certainly not going to be an easy defence for the champion, Karnage knows exactly what it feels like to hold that title and wants that feeling again.

“Wild” Bill Kasal: The following contest is scheduled for one fall; and is for the HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, from Wayne County, West Virginia; standing 6'3 and weighing 285 lbs... he is the HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... JAMES FIERCE!!!

[The crowd cheers and Fierce holds the belt over his head. "Street Fighting Man" by Rage Against the Machine plays as Andrew Karnage appears through the curtain and walks down the ramp.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Here comes the former Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: These two are no strangers having faced each other a few times down the years.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Both have an uncompromising style which is going to go head to head here.

Yolanda Ando: Andrew Karnage wears dark blue standard tights with a white Bombshell on the ass, and Bad Bomber written in gold arcing over the bomb. Blue kneepads, white boots with blue and gold laces, and a white elbow pad on his right arm.

"Wild" Bill Kasal: And his opponent the challenger, from Orem, Utah; Standing 6 feet 5 inches tall; Weighing 263 pounds...ANDREW KARNAGE!!!

[The crowd pops and Karnage steps through the ropes. Both men glare at each other as Mike Peters holds the belt in the air. He calls for the opening bell and the match gets underway.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Well here we go folks as we get this Heavyweight title match underway. Fierce and Karnage collar and elbow tie in the centre of the ring and jockey for position, these are two big guys here in Hardkore World essentially testing each other's strength.

[They break the hold after neither man can gain an advantage. Fierce makes a comment and Karnage punches him in the face.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage grabs Fierce in a headlock and grinds away with it. The Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion backs into the ropes forcing the break, Karnage simply thumps a forearm across the back of his neck! Karnage chops Fierce across the chest, and fires in another couple of right hands, rocking the champion back into a corner!

[Karnage whips Fierce across the ring, but Fierce reverses and sends Karnage into the opposite turnbuckle. Karnage turns around and blocks Fierce's hip toss, hitting him with an uppercut.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage snapmares Fierce over and blasts him with a kick across the back! Karnage knees down and clasps on a chinlock.

Phil Blauer: Karnage looking to display some early superiority in this one. Smart move, making Fierce regret his words.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage ensuring he buries that knee into Fierce's back at the same time, making life as uncomfortable as possibly for the champion.

[Karnage demands that Mike Peters ask Fierce if he wants to submit, but Fierce unsurprisingly refuses. The crowd begin stomping and clapping, urging Fierce back to his feet.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Fierce lays in with some elbows and breaks loose from Andrew Karnage. Fierce comes off the ropes but Karnage whips the big man off his feet, spinning his momentum with an arm drag! Karnage slaps on an armbar.

[Karnage once again asks Mike Peters to query the submission, but nothing doing. Karnage yanks on the armbar, sending shots of pain down Fierce's arm.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: This is a good opening display from the challenger, getting the champion grounded and putting on these holds, letting him taste some pain and realise he's in for a fight to keep that Hardkore World Heavyweight championship. Fierce turns into the pressure, allowing Karnage to wrap his legs around Fierce's throat turning it into a triangle choke!

[The crowd pops as Fierce furiously tries to escape the hold, shifting over to the ropes as quick as he can and forcing a break of the hold.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Wow, great move from Karnage turning that one into a triangle choke and panicking James Fierce for a moment there. Fierce back to his feet- suddenly has to duck a Nightmare Lariot out of nowhere!!

[Fierce narrowly escapes a surprise Nightmare Lariot attempt from Karnage, which sends the crowd to their feet. Both men stand in a staredown again, Karnage offering a wry smile, and raising his index finger and thumb just half an inch apart.]

Phil Blauer: Karnage showing Fierce just how close he came to losing his head.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage has certainly got the better of Fierce in the opening exchanges here. Both men lock up again with Karnage twisting into an arm trap and turning it into a hammerlock. He yanks up on the hold sending another dose of pain through Fierce's shoulder and driving him foreward into the turnbuckle!

[Fierce's chest slams into the turnbuckle and Karnage drops him on his neck with a backdrop suplex.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Oof- grim landing from that one.

Referee Mike Peters: 1... (Fierce kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage pulls Fierce up by his head and rattles another right hand across his face. Karnage goes for the irish whip but here's a reversal by Fierce- James Fierce lays out Karnage with a back elbow.

[Fierce drops an elbow onto Karnage's head and goes for the cover.]

Referee Mike Peters: 1... (Karnage kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Fierce applies a camel clutch, wrenching up on the neck of Andrew Karnage!

Phil Blauer: The champion now wants to repay Karange for his earlier holds.

[Mike Peters asks Karnage if he wants to submit but he says no. Fierce pulls up on the camel clutch again, before jumping up and landing with all his weight on Karnage's back, driving the air out his chest.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Oooh, over 280 lbs dead weight dropping onto Andrew Karnage there.

[Fierce yells at Karnage to get up, and he starts getting back to his feet. Fierce chokes him on the top rope, before beating him back into the corner.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Fierce whips Karnage to the other side, and comes charging in with a big splash in the corner, once again driving all the air out of his challenger!

Phil Blauer: Fierce turning around Karnage's earlier advantage now.

Guillermo O'Bannon: James Fierce lifts Karnage into a bearhug and squeezes before slamming him to the canvas.

Referee Mike Peters: 1... (Karnage kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Fierce takes Karnage's legs, possibly looking for a boston crab here but Karnage kicks him off. Fierce pulls Karnage back up, but the challenger starts to elbow him off and comes off the ropes, Fierce takes him down with an STO!

[Fierce pulls in Karnage's legs and turns him over for the boston crab. He pulls Karnage to the centre of the ring and leans back to increase the pressure.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The challenger locked in now! Dangerous position as Karnage has 280 lbs to pull to the ropes if he wants to escape this one!

Phil Blauer: This could be it right here already. James Fierce isn't an easy obstacle to shift.

[Mike Peters once again asks Karnage if he wants to submit, but he shakes his head no. Fierce cranks up on the legs and Karnage groans in pain. Karnage pushes up off the canvas and starts fighting toward the ropes.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage fighting and clawing for those ropes, looking to break this hold.

[The crowd are urging Karnage toward the ropes but it's slow going as James Fierce pulls up still.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage finally grabs hold of the bottom rope, which forces referee Mike Peters to break the hold and James Fierce releases Karnage's legs.

[Fierce hooks Karnage's trunks and hits a big vertical suplex which shakes the ring. He turns onto the cover and hooks a leg.]

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... (Karnage kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Fierce gets to his feet and stalks Karnage, waiting for the Utah native to get back to his feet. In comes Fierce- but Karnage cuts him off, he clasps his hands around Fierce's waist and delivers a huge German Suplex!!

Phil Blauer: Wow. Nice move by the challenger cutting off the momentum Fierce was starting to build.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Yeah he definitely took the wind out of the champion's sails. Karnage grabs Fierce by the tights and rams him shoulder first through the ropes into the corner post!

[Fierce grimaces in agony and Karnage leans back on the top rope, gaining his breath. The crowd pick up with a “Let's go, Karnage! Let's go, Fierce!” dual chant.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Vocal support for both men in this match, but just who is going to walk out with the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship is anybody's guess at this point.

Phil Blauer: Karnage has started this match marginally stronger, maybe Fierce did underestimate his abilities afterall.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage applies a Cobra Clutch! But Fierce immediately escapes by grabbing Karnage's head and dropping down with a jawbreaker!

[Karnage rolls away holding his jaw while Fierce rolls his shoulder. Both men gradually get back to their feet, before Karnage ducks a clothesline from Fierce.]

Phil Blauer: Yakuza kick!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Big Yakuza kick from Andrew Karnage! Fierce is down!

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... (Fierce kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage hooks Fierce's arms and delivers a butterfly suplex. Fierce sits up off the canvas and Karnage delivers a running knee!!

Phil Blauer: Right to the face!

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... (Fierce kicks out.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: These two men have battled each other in the past and know each other's strengths and weaknesses well. Andrew Karnage pulls up Fierce and forces him back into a corner. Karnage lifts Fierce onto his shoulders and puts him ontop of the turnbuckle!

Phil Blauer: What's he looking for here? A big suplex off the top I bet!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Fierce starts hammering Karnage and knocks him off the top! Fierce wastes no time and leaps off with the Picture Perfect Elbow Drop! But nobody home as Karnage moves at the last second!

[The crowd pops and lets out an “oooohhhh” as Fierce hits the canvas. Karnage pulls himself up with the ropes.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Big miss from James Fierce- now both men have narrowly missed out on hitting their signature finishing moves but it came at a much bigger cost for the Hardkore World Champion.

[Karnage hits a half nelson chicken wing suplex, folding Fierce up.]

Phil Blauer: Icepick Suplex!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Karnage is starting to move into the drivers seat again, hitting some big moves now. Fierce looks to be in a bad way as he stumbles back to his feet.

Phil Blauer: No one can take too many of these Andrew Karnage suplexes, not even James Fierce.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage hits the single underhook fisherman's buster he calls the Arsenal Buster!

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... (Fierce shoots a shoulder up.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: But you're right Phil, Karnage is looking ominous here as he cranks up the pressure. Karnage clasps his hands under Fierce's underhooked arms, applying a butterfly lock much similar to Syberus's Sunday Morning.

Phil Blauer: He pulls up on those arms and that pain is going to be coursing through the shoulders.

[Karnage once again yells at Mike Peters to ask Fierce if he wants to submit. Fierce tries to shake his arms but Karnage has them locked tight.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage starting to wear the champion down now, this is a painful hold which will test Fierce.

Phil Blauer: But he's gone through worse than this, and Fierce would rather his shoulder pop out of its socket than surrender the title.

Guillermo O'Bannon: That might be an option.

[Peters continues to ask Fierce if he wants to submit, but he still refuses. Fierce starts trying to use sheer strength to break the hold, and eventually manages to back drop Karnage overhead.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The champion breaks free again, Karnage sits up on the canvas holding his back in pain!

[Fierce strikes Karnage with a bell clap, sending the challenger stumbling holding his head. Fierce takes Karnage down with a Russian Leg Sweep.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: And just like that the Hardkore World Heavyweight champion has snuffed out his challenger's momentum too.

[Both men crawl towards opposite sides of the ring. Fierce is the first man back to his feet and wipes his brow.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Fierce hoists Karnage onto his shoulders and delivers a Fireman's Carry Brainbuster!!

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... (Karnage kicks out.)

Phil Blauer: High impact move from the champion there dropping Karnage on his neck.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Fierce will really want to capitalise on the current situation as he has Karnage in a weakened state now. James Fierce hits another big vertical suplex, crashing Karnage to the mat once more.

[Fierce rolls out of the ring and grabs a steel chair before snapping it shut and sliding it into the ring. He rolls in but Karnage grabs the chair at the same time.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Both men having a tug-of-war over that steel chair! Fierce slips backwards into the corner and Karnage has it!

[Karnage takes a big swing but Fierce dodges the shot and kicks Karnage in the midsection. Fierce drops him with a DDT.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The champion now has that weapon and yells at his challenger Andrew Karnage to get back to his feet.

Phil Blauer: Karnage is dazed, Fierce should have really gone for a pin attempt there.

Guillermo O'Bannon: That's a good point. Fierce readies the chair and takes a swing, but it's Karnage who ducks this time, and Karnage snaps Fierce overhead with a Cobra Clutch Suplex!!

[The crowd let out and “ooohh!” as Fierce is folded up. Karnage rolls back into a corner, shaking off the DDT from a moment ago.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Fierce stumbles back to his feet and Andrew Karnage crushes him with a hammerlock sleeper suplex! Icepick 2k6!!!

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... thr(Fierce kicks out.)

Phil Blauer: A split second away!

[Fierce rolls away holding his neck in agony. Karnage gets back to his feet and raises his arm to a huge pop from the audience. He slaps his elbow pad a few times to signal for the Nightmare Lariot.]

Phil Blauer: We could be one Lariot away from a new Hardkore World Champion!!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Karnage stalking Fierce, this is intense, this could be the moment... Fierce pulls himself up with those ropes... turns around... Karnage runs off the ropes like a freight train but James Fierce manages to duck the Lariot!! Fierce has the chair and bends it over Karnage's head as he returns off the ropes!! Wow!!

Phil Blauer: Fierce managed to duck that Lariot and pick up the weapon in one fluid movement, showing a great ring awareness.

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... thr(Karnage rolls a shoulder.)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Definitely worth a cover attempt there, but Karnage survives. Fierce hooks him up for a Darkness Buster!!! This could be it!!

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... thr(Karnage kicks out.)

[The crowd pop the huge kick out and Fierce can't believe it. He shoves Mike Peters out of frustration and starts to climb the turnbuckle.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Hardkore World Champion can't believe Andrew Karnage somehow survived that Darkness Buster- and now he's surely looking for that elbow he missed earlier in the contest.

Phil Blauer: He hits this, it's over. Great kickout from Karnage, but he can't have much left.

[Andrew Karnage nips up the turnbuckle and tries to hook Fierce for a suplex!]

Guillermo O'Bannon: What's this?! Karnage looking for a superplex off the top, but Fierce fights back landing a headbutt... and another... and another! Fierce shoves Karnage off the top, and follows him off with a Picture Perfect Elbow Drop!!!

Referee Mike Peters: 1... 2... 3!!!

[The crowd applauds the match as “Stuck in the Middle with You” plays again and Fierce sits up holding his neck, and has his hand raised by the referee.]

"Wild" Bill Kasal: In a time of 18 minutes 31 seconds here is your winner and STILL HARDKORE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... JAMES FIERCE!!!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen; Andrew Karnage proved he's still a match for anybody but it was the champion who ultimately came out on top and retained the title, finally managing to land the killing blow with that Picture Perfect Elbow Drop.

Phil Blauer: It could have been a different outcome had Karnage landed that suplex from the top.

[Not for the first time in the night cheers trickle down into boos as no one had noticed Syberus who suddenly snatches the Hardkore World title belt from Ron De La O at ringside.]

Ron De La O: Fuck Youuuu Man!!

Guillermo O'Bannon: What's happening here, Hardkore World owner Syberus getting involved where he doesn't need to- is he going to try and steal the limelight?

[Syberus enters the ring with the Hardkore World title belt, and looks into the centre plate.]

Phil Blauer: Syberus has an affinity with that championship unlike anything I've ever seen in all my time impersonating a sports caster.

[Fierce looks on confused and tells Syberus to give him the belt, but he isn't listening. Syberus brushes his hand over the centreplate and mumbles something to the belt before giving the centreplate a kiss as muted but still audible pockets of “boogeyman comin'” chants are heard through the crowd.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: That title doesn't belong to Syberus and hasn't done so for a couple of years now- he needs to stick to the backstage area and concentrate on running this company. Too many organisations out there have owners that want to be the star of the show, that's not the way Hardkore World has EVER been.

[Syberus hands over the belt to James Fierce to a cheer from the crowd and raises his arm, and “Stuck in the Middle With You” replays to further applause. Syberus pats him on the back and rolls out of the ring, making his way up the ramp and leaving Fierce to celebrate with the fans.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Well... maybe that wasn't so bad afterall... it seems “the boogeyman” just wanted to say some kind of final goodbye to his life's dream.

Phil Blauer: It can't be easy knowing you'll never hold that title again after it was the centre of your world for four or five years. But this is the James Fierce era now. And it's looking ominous.

Guillermo O'Bannon: We know next month the Hardkore World Heavyweight title will be on the line as Fierce's next defence sees him put it on the line against Rally “Jacare” Jackson- don't miss it!

Phil Blauer: See you in Belfast!!

[The camera fades on Fierce holding the belt in the air.]