Hardkore World Title Holders

" Fierce Or Donovan"

[ The muttering of those names is heard as the shot fades up on the backstage catering table. The camera turns and we see Marty Donovan, clad in a Ralph Lauren suit. Sun inspects the catering, a Val Halla like feast in honor of PSP, shaking his head in disgust.]

Marty: The only two names that matter tonight. The only two men in this tournament who have the skills and the intelligence to walk away with the gold.

[ Marty glances over at a tray of brownies. He holds his side as if their presence alone makes him
queezy.]

Marty: I'll never understand why Mr.Valentine drags these things out. Sixteen contestants! Why so many? Why does he let all this dead weight hang around? Nintey percent of them aren't worthy of carrying my gym bag, let alone a shot at the title.

[ A techie walks up to the table and reaches out for one of the brownies. Marty slaps his hand away.]

Marty: This whole tourney could have been three matches. Just The Bear, The Sun, and the fossils. Give spots to Evans and Andrew, It'd be fun for the kids, like Old timers day at Yankee Stadium. Let them see how people rassled before the telegram or steam powered engine. Just don't make them sit through all this. The embarrassing revolving door of vaudevillian acts that comprise the Hardkore America roster.

[ Marty sighs. He picks up a bottle of pepsi and pours it out on the floor.]

Marty: Just list the failures. You have Platinum Pat Bozzini, who just hours ago stated that "The sands of time are gradually evaporating". Since when the fuck does sand evaporate? Then there is the missing Matt X, who I presume is off playing David Carradine somewhere. We can't forget The Shiro - who divides their time between mourning a japanese jobber nobody gives two shits about and buying action figures. Ruppy is down right awful but he has the excuse of being retarded. What's Dougies? None of these men deserve to be in the same state as the the Heavyweight Title.

[Marty steps towards the camera and grins.]

Marty: Hey Kilroy, I hear you're a duke now? Watch some real power.

[ Marty snaps his fingers and a team of assistants swarm down on the table. They clear all the food into plastic trashbags.]

Marty: I'm not even going to mention my first round opponent by name. I'd be the closest thing to a push for him. He doesn't deserve it. This hack is by far the least talented or interesting idiot I have ever had the misfortune of facing. I honest to god mean that. Keep in mind I've had feuds with Eric McNeely and RHIII too.

[ The assistants restock the table with vegtables trays and mineral waters.]

Marty: So where have the Cobryns, Romeros, and Havens gone? This drivel seriously can't score paper view ratings, can it? Are Fierce and I the only wrestler left?

[ Marty munches down on a carrot stick.]

Marty: It's a shame that the only decent match in the tournament isn't anywhere close to the finals, but C' est la vie. It'll give folks a chance to beat the Palm Springs traffic, get the kids home for bed time, read another chapter of New Moon. Who really needs to see me pin Bozzini for the eight billionth time anyway? Rest assured you're looking at the next Hardkore World Champion.

[ An assistant runs up to Marty.]

Assistant: All the contrand has been bagged sir.

Marty: Burn it and leave the ashes in the Duke's "work out" bag.

[ Marty stares at the camera.]

Marty: We have a show to save James. Don't let me down.

(Angela is in the lockerroom with Pierre as there is noise in the background.)

Angela: "At least you finally got the specifications and the outfit right."

Pierre: "Don't I always madamselle."

Angela: "Don't worry you're check is in the mail."

Pierre: "After what I've been through with this assignment I hope you'll have plenty of dollar signs."

(The sounds stop.)

The Shootfighter (Off Camera): "I heard that you French freak!"

Pierre: "Better make that double the dollar signs after what I mentioned before."

Angela: "Okay Pierre. Just leave and I'll get my accountant to pay you your money."

Pierre: "Gladly. I hope to not see this man ever again."

(Pierre is almost hit by the screen as he barely escapes through the door. The Shootfighter appears wearing a suit.)

The Shootfighter: "Where is that piece of garbage!"

Angela: "By now long gone."

The Shootfighter: "Too bad! I wanted to ring that little scrawny French
man's neck for insulting me!"

(Angela takes him by the shoulders.)

Angela: "Don't worry Shootfighter. He won't have to work on changing your outfit. You look perfect."

The Shootfighter: "I look like a gangster from a bad mob movie!"

Angela: "No you don't Shootfighter. Now let's concentrate on your match tonight with Kilroy Evans."

The Shootfighter: "Yeah that idiot who can't find anything original to say!"

Angela: "Don't worry you'll show you have plenty of things original to say in the ring."

(She starts fixing the collars.)

The Shootfighter: "When I beat him up he's going to be mine if I get a chance at that West Coast Title!"

Angela: "Shootfighter concentrate on the big title. Let's concentrate on
the title that's the reward for winning this tournament."

The Shootfighter: "I'm more focused now. Mr. MST3K is going to be joining his three pals in reviewing bad movies and eating at the all you can eat buffet!"

Angela: "I'm glad you are focused."

The Shootfighter: "I'm always focused!"

Angela: "Oh let's just be sure you are completely focused. Just think of
Kilroy Evans as a more tougher version of Pierre. You want someone to take your anger out on don't you and maybe even get that long awaited big title belt around your waiste like you wanted to do for a long time."

The Shootfighter: "Yeah I do!"

Angela: "Well don't forget to really hurt him where it hurts the most.
If you don't win maybe you'll get that title shot and maybe not."

The Shootfighter: "What's that supposed to mean?!"

Angela: "Oh you can go all the way. I just want to give you something more to focus on."

(They look at each other in a strange manner.)

The Shootfighter: "Don't worry I plan on doing so. That title is going to the main drive for me to want to win it."

Angela: "Exactly Shootfighter."

The Shootfighter: "Kilroy's going to be the one who's going to wish he ate his own words! I'm going to enjoy stuffing them down his throat and into that overstuffed stomach of his!"

Angela: "Good forget the past Shootfighter and concentrate on this new era. You're time is coming and it's time you started stepping up the intensity now."

The Shootfighter: "Yeah now!"

Angela: "Nothing comes first except Kilroy Evans."

The Shootfighter: "Right!"

Angela: "Nothing comes afterwards except for Kilroy Evans!"

The Shootfighter: "Kilroy's my only focus!"

Angela: "Don't forget what he's said about you."

The Shootfighter: "He's trashed talked me for the last time!"

(Angela picks up his stainless steel singapore cane and holds it out to him with both hands.)

Angela: "That's right and now it's time you beat him to a pulp and eat him alive."

The Shootfighter: "That's what I have in mind!"

Angela: "Good Shootfighter. You're ready to kill him, and show the world that Kilroy was once but not anymore here."

(They leave the lockerroom as the scene slolwy fades to black.)

["Lights Out" by Mindless Self Indulgence plays and Kilroy Evans walks out, waving to the audience. He's got the Hardkore West Coast title belt slung over one shoulder]

Guillermo O'Bannon: In the wake of Syberus leaving and vacating the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship and Tag Team Championship, it has left the company in somewhat of a chaotic situation. But Kilroy says he thrives on chaos. He likes it when it's all up in the air.

Phil Blauer: I assume he's talking about pizza dough.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Mostly, but he also means the wrestling scene here being anything goes right now. Someone needs to step up and lead us into the next decade...

Phil Blauer: I'm doing this for another decade?

Guillermo O'Bannon: And Kilroy has been that man before. He wants to be that man again.

Yolanda Ando: Kilroy Evans wears a black Mystery Science Theatre, The Tick, NESkimos t-shirt, blue jeans, brown belt and red, white, and blue wristbands.

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following first round match is scheduled for one fall and a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 262 pounds...KILROY EVANS!!!"

[Hardkore Hall lets out a loud pop as he waves to the fans. Then the main theme from the movie "War" plays]

Phil Blauer: What movie "War"?

[The tron shows The Shootfighter executing various moves and submission maneuvers before showing a dragon symbol that has Shootfighter's name on it. He appears at ring entrance with Angela who leads him slowly and deliberately to ringside. He enters the ring and takes off his outfit reveallingn his ring attire and then proceeds to rub his hands and wrists in anticipation as he shows his usual look of hate, rage and fury.]

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: The Shootfighter wants to move on from his past losses and concentrate on a new era.

Phil Blauer: Hence the new duds.

Guillermo O'Bannon: What's surprising to me is that in five years, this is the first one on one meeting between Kilroy Evans and The Shootfighter.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: They have tangled at Helloween but this is the first one on one encounter.

Yolanda Ando: The Shootfighter wears a black outfit that resembles an intimidating bodyguard, black wrestling boots, wears sharp studded forearm pads, dark black shades, black metal studded elbow pads and wields a stainless steel singapore cane and black gloves. The Shootfighter's hair is tied in a pony tail and under the outfit he wears a black sleeveless surfer's suit w/a fierce red dragon on both legs.

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent is accompanied to the ring by Angela; From Bangkok, Thailand; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 235 pounds...THE SHOOTFIGHTER!!!

[The fans cheer. Ron Reid signals for the bell. The Shootfighter hits Kilroy in the chest with a knife edge chop. Kilroy Evans responds with a martial arts uppercut to Shootfighter's throat]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter hits Kilroy in the throat with another knife edge chop. Kilroy ducks a muy thai punch and scoops him up into a shoulderbreaker. He applies an armbar.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: The first time Kilroy Evans was first in this building was in June 8th of 2002 when he defeated "The Big Ragoo" JoJo Sushi. Then in June of 2004, he teamed with Greg "The Greg" Great & Hero to defeat The East Philly Phunk in the first round of the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team tournament but they were eliminated by Cyrus Williams, "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson, and "The Straightshooter" Andrew Sinclair in the second round. At March at Palm Springs Punishment 2005, Tuxedo Mask teamed with Death Gojira to lose a fire match to The Miracle Violence Combination II to lose the final of the Hardkore World Tag Team Title Tournament. Kilroy was on the winning end of a wargames match here in December 2005 when The Un-Stable defeated The Society of the New Breed for the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team titles. Then at Palm Springs Punishment 2006 in April, Kilroy Evans lost his Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship to Rated X in a barbed wire match. But at Palm Springs Punishment 2008, he defeated "The Rising Sun" Marty Donovan in a tuxedo match.

[Kilroy Evans clamps down on Shootfighter's arm, trying to clamp it out of it's socket. Ron Reid checks in but Shootfighter refuses to quit. Kilroy chomps down on Shootfighter's fingers! Angela complains as Ron Reid tries to pry Kilroy off]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans grabs both of Shootfighter's arms and batters his face with a few vicious headbutts. He belly to belly suplexes Shootfighter!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...(The Shootfighter kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy rolls Shootfighter onto his side and alternates between driving as many hard knees into the side of his chest as he can and clubbing the back of Shootfighter's head with his forearm.

[The Shootfighter gets to his knees and blasts Kilroy in the nose with a muy thai punch. Shootfighter gets to his feet and a second muy thai punch staggers Kilroy. He pounds Evans in the back of the head with a forearm]

Phil Blauer: Blood now running from the nose of Kilroy Evans.

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter crashes another clubbing forearm onto the back of Kilroy's head. He rubs his metal studded forearm pads across Evans' forehead. Shootfighter snap suplexes Kilroy.

[Shootfighter rolls his hips and pulls Kilroy onto his feet for another snap suplex. He pulls him onto his feet and hits a third snap suplex. The Shootfighter lifts Kilroy's arm and heart punches him, following it with a shotei to the face]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter applies a keylock. He pulls back on Evans' wrist, pointing his elbow into the air.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: The Shootfighter was in this building in a six man tag team in June of 2004 with Bobby Nowa & Stan "The Tank" Williams but they were eliminated by Cyrus Williams, "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson, and "The Straightshooter" Andrew Sinclair in the first round of the Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team title tournament. In October 2004, he defeated Tony Damico here. In March, at Palm Springs Punishment 2005, The Shootfighter won the Hardkore World Six World Tag Team titles with "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix & Tarrasque from The Tengu Clan. In June 2005, The Shootfighter lost a shot at Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Champion Syberus. At Palm Springs Punishment 2006 in April of that year, The Shootfighter was in a Mir Match where he eliminated Christian Sain and Bad Boy King Kong before being eliminated by the winner Ryan Champion. At Palm Springs Punishment 2007, he lost to "The Unlucky One" 13.

[Kilroy shakes his head, refusing to tap out. Evans finally grips the bottom rope and Ron Reid taps Shootfighter on the shoulder to release the keylock. The Shootfighter muy thai kicks Evans in the lower back]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter whacks Kilroy in the lower back again. Kilroy fakes a headbutt and bites Shootfighter's nose instead!

[The Palm Springs fans roar! The Shootfighter runs in place in pain. Angela jumps on the apron, complaining to Ron Reid. Kilroy Evans drops down into a jawbreaker]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans catches The Shootfighter's legs and turns him over into a boston crab. He plants his sneakers into the ring and pulls back on Shootfighter's legs, bowing his spine.

[Ron Reid asks Shootfighter but he shakes his head, refusing to quit. Kilroy Evans pulls him up and irish whips Shootfighter into the corner. The Attbury Assassin charges in with an avalanche]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Evans pulls him out of the corner with a running bulldog! He drops down into another jawbreaker!

[Shootfighter pulls himself over into the corner, leaning against the bottom turnbuckle. Kilroy Evans bootscrapes Shootfighter's nose]

Phil Blauer: Looks like Kilroy's trying to get a little revenge for his nose.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans blasts Shootfighter across the face with a facewash! Shootfighter pulls himself out of the corner and avoids a martial arts throat thrust, and german suplexes Evans!

[Shootfighter pulls him up into another waistlock and german suplexes Kilroy. He pulls him up into a waistlock and tosses him across the ring with a release german suplex! The fans cheer. Angela hands Shootfighter a leather belt]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter wraps that belt around Evans' head and throws him over the top rope. He hangs Kilroy over the top rope!

[The fans pop as The Shootfighter braces his knee against Evans' back, yanking back on the leather belt, strangling Evans. Kilroy's feet dangle to find the apron]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter shotei palm strikes Kilroy in the chest, and then again in the heart. He catches Kilroy in the throat with a shotei. The Shootfighter twists into a spinning russian sickle to knock Evans to the mat! Spinning Blade!

[The Shootfighter gets on top of Kilroy and pounds him with lefts and rights, surprising Evans. He smashes the back of Evans' head into the canvas over & over]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter pulls him up into a suplex, but Kilroy counters with a martial arts thrust to his throat. Evans counters with a suplex of his own and drops him to the earth with a brainbuster!

[Kilroy Evans sets Shootfighter up into a russian legsweep and then pitches forward into a stroke! He pulls him up into a full nelson and then release dragon suplexes him across the ring]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls Shootfighter up into a front facelock, and then rolls him around intoi a swinging neckbreaker!

[The Shootfighter sits up, clutching the back of his neck. He gets up and walks right into a drop toehold, into an STF. Kilroy Evans twists Shootfighter's head to the side, peeling back his head]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Evans bites Shootfighter in the forehead. He gnashes his teeth along the thin skin along Shootfighter's eyeline.

[The fans cheer. Evans pulls Shootfighter up into a front facelock and then DDTs his head into the mat! He bounces into the ropes and baseball slide kicks the side of Shootfighter's head]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy suplexes him but Shootfighter floats over and low blows Kilroy! He whacks Evans in the temple with an enzuigiri! ShootBlaster!

[The Palm Springs crowd roars! Kilroy tries to get up but The Shootfighter muy thai kicks his ankle. He gives him another muy thai kick to his ankle and then grabs his foot and applies an anklelock. He stands over Evans, twisting his foot, trying to break his ankle. Kilroy tries to crawl over to the ropes]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter wraps his legs around Evans' thigh and drops down into a grapevined anklelock. He cranks on Kilroy's ankle, making him cry out in pain. The Shootfighter stands up and applies a boston crab. ShootCrab!

[The Shootfighter pulls back on Evans's legs, pulling them towards the back of Kilroy's head. Ron Reid asks him if he wants to tap out but Kilroy shakes his head]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter drags Kilroy over to the corner and wraps his leg around the corner post. He rolls under the ropes and applies an anklelock with Evans' leg wrapped around the ringpost.

[Evans screams in pain but refuses to quit to Ron Reid. The Shootfighter rolls back into the ring and pulls him up but Kilroy Evans kicks him in the balls! Shootfighter drops to his knees and Kilroy tries to put some weight on his leg. He runs off the ropes with a soccer kick to his face]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans irish whips Shootfighter into the ropes and catches him with a spinebuster!

[Shootfighter sits up with his back arched in pain. Kilroy Evans bites him and brakes the skin. Shootfighter starts bleeding and Kilroy pulls something out of his pocket]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Evans rips open those salt packets and pours them into Shootfighter's open wounds!!

[The fans cheer and Shootfighter flops around, clutching his forehead. Kilroy grabs him from behind with a rear naked choke. He clamps down on Shootfighter's throat, cutting off his air]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter grabs the bottom rope and Ron Reid forces Kilroy to break the hold. Shootfighter pulls himself up along the ropes, and Kilroy comes running at him but Shoot belly to belly suplexes him over the ropes!

[Hardkore Hall cheers. At ringside, Angela and The Shootfighter bridge two chairs together. Angela irish whips Kilroy into Shootfighter who belly to belly suplexes him through the bridged chairs!! Evans sits up, holding his kidneys]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter pulls Kilroy up and smashes him in that broken nose with a muy thai kick!!

[Kilroy wilts to the floor. Shootfighter steps up onto the apron while Angela sets up a table. He gets a running start and dives off but Kilroy catches him in mid air with a stiff chair shot to the face!! The 1600 fans in attendance let out a collective "OH!!" Angela covers her mouth in horror]

Phil Blauer: Shootfighter is bleeding profusely and Kilroy now making it worse by grinding his into the concrete.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans suplexes The Shootfighter through that table!!

[The fans cheer as Shootfighter and Kilroy lay amongst the broken table. Kilroy picks him up and rolls him back into the ring. He climbs to the top turnbuckle and dives off with a flying splash]

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Shootfighter kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans bites Shootfighter's wound some more!

Phil Blauer: Ever the grossout artist, he's now sticking his finger in the wound and fish hooking it open.

[Angela yells at Ron Reid to do something about it. Ron Reid taps Kilroy to stop and Evans asks him what he wants. Shootfighter staggers up and hits the ropes. He hits Kilroy with a polish hammer to the face]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Thailand Hammer! The Shootfighter irish whips him into the ropes and hotshots his throat on the top rope! Kilroy staggers back into a wheelbarrow facefirst powerbomb!! Deadly Fall!

[Kilroy's bloody face bounces off the canvas, leaving a stain.]

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Angela and Shootfighter talked about a new arsenal of moves and we can see them in living color now.

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter wraps up Kilroy's legs and turns him over into a sharpshooter. ShootLock! He leans back on Evans' crossed ankles, bowing his spine.

[Kilroy's bloody nose and face leave a large pool of blood under his face. Ron Reid checks in but Evans shakes his head. The Shootfighter chicken wings both of his arms and flips into a cattle mutilation]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Shootfighter Crossface! Shootfighter sticks the bridge and pushes weight down on Evans' chicken winged arms.

[Shootfighter leans back with Kilroy's trapped arms while the West Coast Champion refuses to tap out. He finally pulls Kilroy up and irish whips him but Evans reverses it and shoots Shootfighter into the corner chestfirst]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans runs in with a spear to his back! Shootfighter wilts in the corner and Evans leans his throat on the second rope. He hits the ropes and delivers a flying elbow to the small of Shootfighter's throat!

[Shootfighter falls back, clutching his throat. Kilroy Evans pulls him up into a double underhook and then DDTs his skull into the mat!! He climbs to the top turnbuckle and jumps off with another flying elbow]

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Shootfighter kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Evans gets on top of Shootfighter and pounds him in the face with punch after punch.

Phil Blauer: I think the fact that he's switching to headbutts now indicates a little frustration.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans lifts Shootfighter up into a suplex and then drops him on his head!! He pulls his head into his legs and then pulling piledrives him!

[Evans climbs to the top turnbuckle and dives off with a splash but Shootfighter puts his knees up into his ribcage!! Evans rolls around, holding his sternum]

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter gets underneath Evans and lifts him up into a human torture rack, then spins him round & round. He drops him into a samoan drop! Thailand Slam!

[The Shootfighter pulls him up into a kataha-jime. He spins him round & round in the tazmission until Kilroy's feet leaves the ground into a side slam]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tsunami Slam!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shootfighter irish whips Kilroy into the corner. He charges in but Kilroy is waiting for him with a big boot to the head!

[Shootfighter staggers and Evans salutes the cheering fans. He grabs a cobra clutch on him. The crowd pops as Shootfighter struggles to escape]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans pulls back on Shootfighter's wrist, creating a vice around his airway.

Phil Blauer: Shootfighter starting to fade.

[Ron Reid raises Shootfighter's arm up but it remains up and the match continues. Kilroy clamps down on the cobra clutch and Shootfighter wilts again]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Reid raises Shootfighter's arm again and it falls!

[Referee Ron Reid signals for the bell and "Lights Out" by Mindless Self Indulgence plays while the fans cheer! A bloody Kilroy Evans wipes his just as bloody nose and lets Ron Reid raise his arm with the other]

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 19 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE QUARTERFINALS...KILROY EVANS!!!"

Phil Blauer: Kilroy Evans endurs a heavy beating, but advances to the next round.

Guillermo O'Bannon: There he will take on Tuxedo Mask, who is somewhat of a kindred spirit I think.

Phil Blauer: Kindred or not, one of those guys has got a chance to go to the semi-finals, so it should be brutal.

“I find it amusing that just because somebody is stuck in the past that he thinks the goold old days actually meant something. Anybody intelligent knows that if you want to live in the past, then you're not fit to compete in the present.”

Aaron Rupp is in the UHOH locker room after running out along with the Dark Riders to help Pat Bozzini after he soundly defeated Bobby Nowa. He's wearing only a pair of jean shorts, obviously about to start getting prepared for his own tournament match.

Rupp: Fierce, you want to think of me as a poser? It's people like you that really need to learn that just because somebody wants to get into the wrestling business and has some talent when it comes to this sport in today's world, then those who call themselves “veterans” consider the next generation to be a harm to what this business stands for. Let me ask the “veteran” something then... If you guys are the only ones that really matter in this business and the only ones who are supposed to be a part of it, then what happens when you guys reach the point where you have to retire? I mean, it's physically impossible for you guys to do this forever, and by your logic... then once you guys retire, this sport dies along with what was still intact of your careers. Where's the respect in that?

I know what you're thinking: Who am I to talk about respect? After all, I'm part of the Untouchable Highlights of Humanity, so what do I know about respect? I know that it's people like you and Matthew X that don't respect this business because you refuse to allow it to undergo an evolution. You despise the people that come into this business that will keep it going into the future when you guys are no longer able to compete like you used to. You're just like everyone else that's been in this business for a long time whose mind is trapped in the past: You fear change.

Aaron sighs.

Rupp: I understand why you'd be afraid, Fierce. Your simple hillbilly mind can't comprehend the fact that you've been surpassed by the new breed. Hell, I'd have trouble coming to terms witrh that myself if I was in your place. But I'm not... I'm on the side of those that have surpassed you, and it'll be proven tonight when I eliminate you from this tournament and be one step closer towards the World Title. And if Marty Donovan wants to go cry about it like the childish buffoon he is, then that's his problem. He cal call me a retard all he wants, but he's only proving how stupid he is as he tries to praise someone who won't be moving on because his time has long since passed. I hope you realize that there's no hope of victory for you James, because that'll make accepting your inevitable defeat a lot easier.

Fade to black.

The Hillbilly Assassin Blog: Backstage at PSP

LOL @ Ruppy.

Come on now kiddo, do you think that I am scared... of you? I'll admit there are plenty of things that I am scared of. Hell I'll list ten of them for you so that you can use them in your next promo.

1. Gingers. I fucking hate gingers with a passion. Always have. Always will. They are just fucking creepy, and soulless to boot.
2. Fat ginger chicks. Eww. Do I need to say anymore?
3. Randy Candy and the entire House of Love. These twisted sons of bitches are downright creepy. Use them in your next promo and I can guarantee fear.
4. Orange Cats. They are gingers of the feline species.
5. The Olsen Twins.
6. Soured Milk.
7. Kilroy Evan's daughter. Twisted little devil she is.
8. Drew Barrymore. For the love of all things holy, see a fucking speech pathologist already.
9. French Canadians with down syndrome.
10. Robert Hunglestein's eyebrows. It's not a sin to trim.

So, there you have it. Use any of these ten things in your next promo, and I will no doubtable show fear towards you. Otherwise, kid, you're just plain out of luck this month. This ole hillbilly is looking to gut a few tonight, and well, you're the first on the docket.

Some say they're in it to win it, blah, blah, blah, but that's just it. Words. Silly little clichés that are repeated each and every month by the same boring people, and these same people go out and win...when they're supposed to, but the second they're actually in a tough match, they fold. They fucking fail. They fail were the greats have succeeded, but unlike those wordsmiths that like to ramble on with their ten dollar words in their five dollar outfits, I am confident this ole hillbilly is going to do some great, and some not so great things tonight. I'm also confident that the following will without a doubt occur: I'm sure I'll hear more words before my first match. I'm sure I'll throw up in my mouth a tad bit after some ginger kid asks me to sign an autograph. I'm sure that Kilroy Evans will lose an appendage along the way. I'm sure I'll end up drinking sour milk in retaliation for costing Kilroy to lose said appendage. I'm sure I'll end up with a both Olsen Twins after the show. I'm sure I'll soon after try and hang myself with a crude noose. I'm also sure that I'll beat you, Ruppy. It is what it is, and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it.

But what do I know?

I'm just a small minded hillbilly.

I'm just Fierce... nothing more, and by god nothing less.

[Dougie Ray Bullet...]

DRB-Tonights the night Andy. All of the training, all of patience, all of the sacrifices, they all come to a head tonight. This is our night to set the wrestling world on fire, with an in ring spectacular that the world will be talking about for years to come. This is our moment in time. Our moment to collide and set the standard for every wrestler who has the unfortunate task of following us. Tonight, we leave our mark on this industry.

But only one of us can advance. Only one of us continue to the next round, hoping to finally realize. that nearly impossible dream of climbing the Hardkore World mountain and becoming World Heavyweight Champion.

[Fade to Black]

[We see Devastation sitting, watching the matches on the closed circuti t.v. in the locker room. He smirks as he notices the camera guy,.]

Devastation - Donovan, I thought you might have gone the way Syberus and decided to take off. You've got balls pal, you can go ahead and mention everyone under roof, except me. The man who you NEED to beat to advance. You say mentioning my name will be the biggest push I've ever got?

YOU DON"T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME.

So go ahead Marty, ignore me. Write me off as inconsequential. But when you're flat on your back, staring at the arena lights in the ceiling wondering what the hell just happened. I hope uyou have the presence of mind to realize that I'm not the "Dead Weight" you took me for. It's time for the Sun to set.

[Big D waves the camera guy out of the room.]

[The shot cuts to Kilroy Evans, sitting backstage, dabbing at his nose with a wet paper towel. He's kicking back in a folding chair in an out of the way spot. Kilroy giggles, all giddy with anticipation, and ends up snort-laughing a few times. He winces with each one.]

Kilroy: It can't be a big event at Hardkore World without someone trying, and usually succeeding, to break my nose. Still, after putting down the high functioning austitic, Muay Thai machine that is The Shootfighter, I'm feelin' pretty good.

[Kilroy akes a moment to sniff hard, trying to pull back the blood trying to come out of his nose. After he's done, Kilroy scrunches his face as he swallows the blood.]

Kilroy: Shut me up now, ya cane swingin' goober! People, are ya feelin' it?! We are in full swing and the night is young. As the contenders get whittled down, it's our fans' awesome responsibility to demand that we up the action and keep it interesting around here!

[Kilroy sniffs a few more times, trying to keep the blood flow from restarting.]

Kilroy: And now, I get rewarded for my struggles with Shootfighter. I get...Tuxedo Mask! The man has style, the man can move, and the man can fight! And don't you worry, Tuxedo Mask. I am not all talk. I've been promising to bring my most brutal offense and most offensive brutality for the good of Hardkore and you will feel the fruit of my efforts! I am going to beat on you until I hear something crack, then go squish...hopefully, in that order!

[Kilroy, despite himself, pokes at his tender nose, wincing again. He gets close to the camera.]

Kilroy: Come on, man. You do your worst and I'll do my best. We'll see who gets what accomplished when we finally face off. Good luck, ya fancypans bastard! I know that, if I advance, it'll be because I walk that line of sheer brutality and offbeat grace that---

[Kilroy suddenly sneezes, most of it landing on the lens. "It" being blood and bloody snot. Kilroy, what you can still see of him looks sheepish.]

Kilroy: My bad. *awkward pause* Times like this, I wish I could juggle. *pumps fist into the air* Go violence! Yeah!

[The shot, thankfully, cuts elsewhere.]

Camera fades back into Eric McNeely with Dave, Bobby and another masked person as he stretches out and cracks his neck before standing behind Bobby Nowa with a smile on his face.

Eric McNeely: I said I wasn’t coming alone, and you laughed at me. You thought it was all talk, but the fact is we’re not done. The Saints have so much more planned, jaws to drop and panties to drop. You see after two years of sitting on the shelf one man, ONE MAN came to me and made me see how talented I really was. He made me see this company for what it is, what it was, and what it needs to be again.

Bobby Nowa, a living legend, a man who was never given his due respect and I can relate to that. And sadly enough things didn’t go Nowa’s way this evening but they will, and we’ll see that through.

Dutch Express, tonight you boys are going to see what the Saints can do when our minds are sharp. With Bobby Nowa training us, teaching me new skills, telling m about simple flaws I have missed, we are on the way to the top. Six man, tag team titles, singles it matters not because we’re making a name.

And the Saints aren’t done, not by a long shot so you might as well forget it. Because we’ve always got an ace up our sleeves. Tonight wasn’t the story of us, it’s just the beginning. An epic story that has yet to reach the second chapter.

As for Rally, brother I respect you more than anyone in this business next to Bobby Nowa. Win, lose, draw it matters not. I expect you to break my bones, bust me open, but one way or the other I will make sure the Saints are respected as well as myself.

The Revelation leans over as Bobby Nowa whispers something and McNeely smiles.

Eric McNeely: As for you Robert, I owe you for getting my first break in the business. We were the two man power trip for a reason. But you lost your heart and turned on me.

We don’t have to go down this road. NOBODY respects you like I do, but if you want an eye for an eye, a rib for a rib, we can go that route. You know deep down inside that the person you made me to be is the duplicate of yourself, only I became better than you expected, I’m not dead I’ve just been resting.

We have unfinished business, but we’re also good solid friends.

Bobby Nowa, myself, Dave, The Saints are far from done, we’re just getting started with a few more to shock the world. Rob, you and I can re-live the glory days………………but that’s up to you.

The masked person points at the clock as Bobby Nowa gives last second instructions.

Eric McNeely: TWO YEARS!!!! TWO YEARS IN THE MAKING!!!

And the best ……….

Well that’s yet to come.

The camera fades out as Bobby, Dave, Eric and the masked person leave.

[Fade in to Yuku Shiro in her locker room setting out her ring attire she will soon be putting on for her match with Dyson. Her hood from her jumpsuit is down, and her top is semi open as she relaxes and prepares to get undressed.]

Yuku Shiro – Now…time for counsel to redirect…first off Maddie…if you weren’t in YOUR own little world…you’d remember me saying that I have been to prison…I’m a personal mentor and guest speaker to many of the women currently on lock down in the beautiful state of California…no wait…it was Suzie-Q I said it to, because it was her ass I was kicking at the time…that’s how I was able to come up with the ruse…

It was her I was trying to deceive…not you…and she believed it…because she was telling me how I was a poor excuse for a woman and how child welfare should cart my kid off from me…

So it did work…it allowed me to catch Suzie-Q off guard to give her the holy beating she deserved and was well on the way to retaining my title…

Unfortunately…Kim Riggs was the X-Factor I didn’t see… (It happens even to the best)

I suppose that was you’re idea…because you know your little buddy better then she knows the smell of her own snatch…

She’s too stupid to have a back-up plan…

The point of the statement which you want to focus on is simple…

We are both lying bitches…

We have both used underhanded tactics to get what we want…

Sometimes it worked…sometimes it didn’t…

Like your first bodyguard Murder Face…

Darkchild actually wanted to go after you that night…

Who do you think was the one who advised her to put your boy on the permanent injured list instead?

*Smiles*

You…didn’t expect that…which threw you…off your game…and cost you the World Women’s Tag titles to us…

And I think the humiliation has been back and forth on both sides…

I do remember it was you picking shit out of your hair not so long ago…

And Suzie was hanging from a cross stripped to her bare essentials with the cutest little nipple clamps on her.

And the body count between both factions is still 2 to 1 in favor of Ladies of Rage…

The only ante you have now is that you currently have all the belts…

Which will change after tonight.

[Yuku gets up walking over to the mini fridge to get some water; which the cracks open and taking a sip.]

Yuku Shiro – Secondly…I’m the FIRST woman to say…as sickening as you are…you are one of the smartest opponents I’ve seen so far…so you’re not telling me anything new Dyson…

It just makes more sense…I mean after all…by your own words:

You’re not the strongest…I mean that scrawny little frame of yours tells it all.

You’re definitely not the most skilled…you’re like a female friggin version of Shane McMahon…a couple wow moves but everything else is basic Iron Mike Sharp.

You can take a beating…I’ll give you that…if I learned anything from your match with Dragonatrix overseas…you’ll make an excellent punching bag tonight.

But other then that…your greatest weapon…is your only weapon…

And what you don’t understand…how we both differ is that to be the best…you have to be the total package.

It takes strength…not just physical strength but mental and even psychological strength to withstand what this business pushes out in and outside the ring…and be able to push back.

It takes technical skill to be the best in this business…wrestling is like any other form of fighting style…and the more you learn…the better you become…

And you also don’t end up boring the crowd who comes to see you…like your tired ass loves to do.

It’s about balance Maddie…the total package…which…you…stated…with your own lips…you don’t have.

Don’t get me wrong…you ARE the Hardkore World Women’s Champion…

I’m just saying…call it like it is…

The reason why you’ve gotten this far…the reason why you’re the champ…is because you’ve gotten OTHER people…stupid people to do your dirty work…and pull you out of the fire.

Let me guess…that’s why you allowed yourself to get dicked down by Romino…am I getting this right?

Question…wasn’t Romino best friends with your ex - Jace Mingla?

Eww…dirty self-righteous contradicting bitch…and you want to call me a ho?

But it’s okay to have two guys who probably pissed in the same toilet together run up and dump all in you…

Yeah…the pinnacle of the Women’s division you truly are…

Don’t get me wrong…I could give two shits about you choose to have use you as a sperm dump receptacle…

Although I always thought your type were back alley bums…and those on four legs.

But based on your actions…you will NEVER…EVER…get to use to ho card…ever again.

You've just proven to be lower then that...

Dear lord woman…at least when I was Women’s Champion…I fucked a legend in Coby…well…I actually got fucked *blushes* very…very…well.

And I did it simply because I wanted to…and because he had a dick like a baby’s arm.

The best YOU could do is Romino?

So let’s hear it…when’s he suppose to jump into our match and save your ass?

[Cups her ear to “listen”, then waves it off.]

Yuku Shiro – Not that it really matters…because like I said before…nothing is going to change the outcome of tonight.

You could suck all the seed out of Valentine’s dick while O'Bannon completes the fingcuffs and Blauer administers a rectal breach pumping your pooper shoot full of his inbred sperm…

You are NOT walking out here tonight with that title belt…period.
But don’t take my word for that…you said it yourself…

Yuku Shiro – Glad to see you've already accepted you fate..and sure Maddie…you can “own” me all you want…you’ll just no longer be the owner of the Hardkore World Women’s Championship…it’s coming home with the “better” wrestler…

I think you know deep in your heart already…

Who that is…

Redirected back to you…

[Yuku takes another sip of her water and winks to a fade out.]

[The scene opens slowly and for the first time in months we see RDS sitting back, backstage in his locker room. RDS has returned at Palm Springs Punishment to face Randy Candy and is preparing for his upcoming match.

RDS gets up from his chair and walks over the camera, smiling from ear to ear eerily. RDS waves as he starts to speak.]

“Tonight is my big return to the ring, tonight is where RDS gets to show his true colours and defeat the legend that is Randy Candy. Randy you may have beaten all the greats like Rally Jackson and how you have been World Champion 30 or 40 times but you don’t know what you’re up against. You see I have wrestled about one match in four of five months and I am frustrated. Since after being humiliated and walking away from Hardkore World, all I have been thinking about is Hardkore World and how I used my unpopularity as an excuse for my poor performance and even worse behaviour. I realise now that I should stop blaming others for my failures, and accept my own responsibility. I will look to get my career on track tonight by beating you.

I feel like Jesus having returned from the wilderness, tested by Satan himself and have now returned stronger than ever. I am not content leaving my career on such a low, or putting over people in UCW for the rest of my days. I want to prove that I was always one of the top guys here and anywhere else I went and now I am done with the bullshit I can finally move on.

While I have this opportunity I would like to apologise to all those I have made fun of, or upset in the past and starting with my last opponent here in Hardkore World, Jagi Shiro. I discounted you and clearly that was to my detriment. I was on a power trip after a string of successes and let myself fall into the egomaniac trap. I genuinely believed I was better than you, and clearly wasn’t on that night so may I finally congratulate you on your victory and successful reign as champion.

The next man I upset was someone I have known for years, Adrian Tanner. I am sorry for the way I treated you before and after the matches we had towards the end of my tenure. I know how emotionally hurt you must have been to lose to me, and how the English Rage in Belfast match was somewhat rigged in my favour. That was no way for me to conduct business and door that I am truly sorry.

Finally I would like offer my sincerest apologies to Syndicate Wrestling and tradition, in particular Paul Soutter and Reginald. P. Packer who I ran down verbally last year which naturally damaged their own reputations and the promotion itself. At the time I was simply gunning for good old fashioned cheap heat, but all that is in the past now and I wish both of you and your promotion every success.

Now I have returned, like Jesus from the Cross I am back for one last ride and will bring a new era of success with me. I wish the bets for everyone and feel genuine love for you all. I cant express how sorry I am for what I did, for what I said and how I …”

[RDS looks away from the camera as if he can’t hold back the tears in his eyes, his face a picture of sadness.]

“…………….miss Syberus so much. Why did you leave? Everyone loved you man, everyone looked up to you and your greatness and you just leave us? Leave your precious World Heavyweight title behind? I am sure we could award you it, as a lifetime achievement award and retire the belt… yes only that would be fitting for a man…. A legend… as great as yourself Syberus…

Anyhow sadness aside, Randy get ready for one hell of a ride buddy. Because this is going to be one of the greatest matches you have ever had.”

[Fade]

[Misery Demise is seen in her locker room, strecthing ut fro her match.]

Misery Demise - It took me a while, but I found footage of Sahsa Marquez. amd Ive studied that tape over and over and over.

[Misery takes a drink from a bottle of water.]

Misery - Tonight I show why I'm the number one contender to the all Asia Pro Joshi title, and make my mark in Hardkore Wolrd as I start my journey to the Hardkore Women's World Title. Sahsa Martquez, I hope you're ready because I'm coming to show the world what I'm all about.

Randy with open mouth from suprise with the words from RDS.

Randy: RDS their is a old saying not every lamb is a lamb can be a wolf in a lambskin!
I have hear the backstage stories about you also a rumor about the death of the four of Mobile.
Yes somebody has payed guys to kill Felicia,Exotic Jim,Mr.Ladykiller and Johny Perfection doing a attack on Tum Tum Inc building.
A month ago they found the guys who did the killing but never their boss could be You who give the order?
Knowing your dislike for the House of Love and especial for Tum Tum.

Randy take a sip of water.

Randy: RDS would that rumor be true you better run away after our match because every member of House of Love,,ll be gunning for you.
From the legends Wicked Widow&Aunt Lucinda to Dutch Express so rumor better can,t be true.

Fade away.

["Line In the Sand" by Motorhead blasts from the PA system as Ken Shiro steps out onto the rampway with a smile on his face and his hands on his hips. Ken Shiro walks calmly to the ring, slides in, walks across the ring, climbs second ropes the turnbuckle and looks out into the crowd calmly stretching out his arms.Ken hops down from off the turnbuckle and prepares for his match.]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Ken Shiro riding quite high on the horse as of late. His Hardkore All Asia Pro is doing very well in the Orient, and he has rekindled his relationship with his sister Yuku. He's looking to make his biggest impact in Hardkore World thusfar, to become the Hardkore World Heavyweight Champion.

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following first round match is scheduled for one fall and a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Mike Peters. Featuring first, from Tokyo, Japan; Standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 260 pounds...KEN SHIRO!!!"

[The Palm Springs Convention Center boos loudly. “3.14” by the Bloodhound Gang plays. AWS Man comes down to the ring to jeers of his own]

Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man is a Hall of Famer in the Midwest and World Midwest Wrestling. He is now looking to win the Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship to add to his already heavy mantle.

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: He teamed with Death Gojira and got to the second round before being eliminated by their stablemates Syberus and Rally Jackson.

Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man trying to get past that and get back on track on the singles scene and with a good showing against former boxing champion Ken Shiro in this tournament, he can certainly do that.

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "His opponent is from Freakville, North Carolina; Standing 6 feet 1 inch tall; Weighing 236 pounds...AWS MAN!!!"

[The Palm Springs fans boo. Mike Peters signals for the bell and Ken Shiro begins AWS Man like a boxer. AWS Man grins and follows suit]

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: AWS Man would do well not to take Ken Shiro's boxing skills lightly.

Guillermo O'Bannon: That's true, Ken Shiro is a former WEBL Boxing Heavyweight Champion, a belt he only recently lost. Shiro avoids AWS Man's punch and counters with an undercut punched delivered over Bill's punching arm in the side of his head.

[AWS Man backpeddles a little. Ken Shiro catches him with a left swing punch, and a right uppercut. AWS Man answers with a kidney punch]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Ken Shiro goes low with a punch to his liver. He gives him a right to his abdomen, and a left hook!

[AWS Man whacks Ken in the back of the knee with a stiff kick. Ken Shiro leans to his side and goes to AWS Man's solar plexus with a isshin-ryű punch. He hits him with a left jab and a right cross]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Shiro pops AWS Man with a quick jab to the chin, then pulls AWS Man to the mat with a choke. He strangles the life out of AWS Man.

[Mike Peters lays in the count. Ken Shiro switches to lefts and rights, pummeling AWS Man on the mat. He floats over and grabs a fujiwara armbar]

former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Ken Shiro trying to erase the bad memory he has from Palm Springs Punishment 2008, when he lost a Hardkore World Heavyweight Championship match to Andrew Karnage.

Phil Blauer: That was a match that left him with a busted ear drum and a sickle in Andrew Karnage's foot.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Ken Shiro pushes off with his feet, nearly standing while pulling up on Bill's arm. He pulls AWS Man's head into his legs and jumping piledrives him!

[Ken Shiro lifts AWS Man up into a half nelson hammerlock and release tiger suplexes him. He grabs him around the neck and propels him into the mat with a uranage]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Shiro climbs to the top turnbuckle and jumps off with a frog splash!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...(AWS Man kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man grabs Ken with a headlock and flips him over onto the mat. He maintains the headlock and grinds away on Shiro's neck.

[Ken Shiro works his way to his feet and AWS Man takes him over in a fireman's carry. He catches him by the arms and monkey flips him across the ring]

Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man scoops Ken up and walks him around the ring before bodyslamming him hard to the mat.

[The crowd boos as Shiro arches his back in pain. AWS Man sneaks up behind him as he gets to his feet and snaps back into a russian legsweep]

Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man climbs to the top turnbuckle and then catches him in the face with a flying front dropkick!!

[AWS Man applies an inverted facelock steps on the backs of Ken Shiro's knees and rolls him up into a mexican surfboard with a dragon sleeper. The jeers get louder as AWS Man pulls back on Shiro's head while pushing against the backs of his knees]

Guillermo O'Bannon: AWS Man pulls Shiro up and shoots him into the ropes. He goes for a high cross body block but Shiro catches him and reverses it into a spinebuster! Tigerbuster!

[Hardkore Hall boos. Ken Shiro lifts AWS Man up into a suplex and then jumping brainbusters him! He lifts him up into a crucifix and then sits out into a black tigerbomb]

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(AWS Man claps his legs together on Shiro's head)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Shiro pulls AWS Man up into an reverse suplex and then drops his back across his knee!

[AWS Man sits up in pain. Ken Shiro gives him a russian legsweep of his own, and then waits for AWS Man to stand up. He cocks back and punches Bill with a Fist of the Northstar]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Ken Shiro double underhooks AWS Man's arms and then lifts him up high in the air before sitting out into an angel's wings!! White Liger Buster!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!

["Line In the Sand" by Motorhead plays and the Palm Springs crowd boos. Ken Shiro raises his own arm]

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 7 minutes 27 seconds; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, ADVANCING TO THE QUARTERFINALS...KEN SHIRO!!!"

Guillermo O'Bannon: Ken Shiro runs right through Syberus' associate AWS Man in no time. He now awaits the winner of former Hardkore World Champion James Fierce and Aaron Rupp in the second round.

Rp #14 for Palm Springs Punishment 2009: Rage's Sweet Embrace



With an effusion of blood hurtling down his visage, Platinum Pat Bozzini marches around his locker room- his mind deluged with chaotic conceit. Meanwhile, John “The Sniper” Bozzini holds down the microphone, acting as an official interviewer for his younger sibling.

John: OH MA GOD, Guillermo and Phil! We had an early match of the year candidate between Nowa and Pat Bozzini, leading to Pat wiping the floor with Nowa like the worthless fuckdoucher he truly is. It was so awesome that it actually caused the Earth to swallow a black hole. Presumably Eric McNeely’s talent. Anyway, congrats Pat on passing through the first round wih flying colors. But a brother has got to wonder: how exactly do you intend to decimate that disrespectful, overrated son of a rotten whore known only as Matthew X? Do you need Caitlin Fairchild’s torn attire as a lucky token? I mean, you shouldn’t be bathing in mediocrity like she…?

Soon after he had uttered those words, PPB surprisingly lunges at John, violently pushing him against the wall and grasps his right hand against his throat, effectively choking him without an iota of remorse in his cold, dark eyes.

Platinum: I swear that if you happen to mention Caitlin’s name once more in MY presence, not only will you be shamefully exiled from the Untouchable Highlights of Humanity but I will batter, maim and demolish you until your body has been completely shattered. You hear me, John? One more crack and the Platinum Cerberus will ensure to treat himself to a bonus round where he tears your limbs out, slices off your skin and squelches the minuscule brains that you were cursed with in a fleeting instant. You are a hypocritical, two-faced slacker who depends upon my name value to get a job anywhere that I wander. Your entire existence consists on being co-dependent on “outside” buddies- that really are careless enablers who will ignore you once the party has ended- to get liquored up and to try to meet whores that meet your standards but that’s all a fucking joke! That’s all you are right now: A fucking joke. That stops tonight.

You act as if you are a big shot and yet, you are one foot out of the door. You drink even more excessively than he did and you are smoking cigarettes as if there were no tomorrow. Jonnie Valentine said it best after he laughed out of your hissy fit to obtain a raise: if you are not happy here or if you do not want to even contribute here, pack your bags and escape from Hell’s Playground. Time and time again, I have defended you when others verbally dissected. Whether it was Syberus, the Rising Sun, Adrian Tanner Jr. or Yuku Shiro, I always supported you in the little endeavors that you embarked in. Not anymore. If you are so desperate on ruining your own life, so be it, but you will not hold me nor the rest of the UHOHs down anymore. You are one of the talented, most effective professional wrestlers there are in the business today: start acting like it and fulfill your damn potential. Now, you are forced to contribute to our cause or you will be banished in the most gruesome manner possible.

Onto bigger and more important issues. The gauntlet had been emplaced by one greedy Jonnie Valentine and he decided to place Bobby Nowa in my direction. Well, despite those unwashed, forsaken automatons’ interference, the Feature Presentation sill managed to mutilate the competition. That glorious victory will force me to venture in a feculent slaughterhouse that composes Matthew X’s malevolent soul- the match that should have been PSP 2009’s main event in the first place. Matthew X, you may be a legend in Hardkore World but legends happen to be –more often than not- to exemplify bad news. Why? Easily, my troglodytic friend with impaired cognitive skills. Because you too have grown complacent in Hardkore World: you rely on your own past accomplishment to dictate your present and to foresee your future. You refuse to allow your wrestling skills to burgeon like I persistently do, you neglect yourself the opportunity to galvanize the ghost within the machine, to fortify your own legacy. Unlike you, I keep honing my skills; I keep testing my own psychological and physical limits, constantly augmenting the intensity of my perseverance, intelligence, and stamina.

I do happen to agree with you on one thing though: I am desecrating every bit of the so-called “legacy” that you have created for yourself because they signify nothing but a malignant, repugnant joke. The fact that a man as unfocused, uncoordinated and quite frankly, unfit individual could ever hold the Hardkore World Heavyweight Title is a disgrace to this promotion and to pro wrestling in general. Moi? I simply happen to be the Eradicator: the machine that has been bestowed with the mission to dispatch and trounce you in such a way that nobody- and I mean nobody- will even remember that you used to rape and pillage this company once it was at his lowest point. Now, your ceaseless madness has rampaged unto the imbecilic miscreants like a metastasized cancer. For that to occur, I will have to quell the root of such terror by removing the tumor. I will have to perform a certain surgery: I will perform MatthewX-ectomy. This will be executed by triturating your oesophagus and gnawing out your putrescent heart…just so that I can mince it into incalculable pieces. Then, it will be time for the radiation therapy, which will occur with moi splintering the rest of your skeleton and liquefing your decaying flesh. Nothing more needs to be said, Matt. The first phase of the Platinum Prophecy has been fulfilled tonight: it is now time for the second phase to unravel.

As far as James Fierce is concerned, I promise you that your demise will be as pitiless, sanguine and inhumane if you happen to intertwine in my path in the finals. Kilroy Evans, the Archetype of Glory will scorch you to a fine crisp and pile up your disgusting cadaver to be utilized as my own personal shish kebab. Ken Shiro, Aaron Rupp, Rising Sun or even DRB- whether it’d be friend or foe-, the same deterioration awaits if you oppose me tonight. After all, most individuals respect the magnificent skills of Platinum Pat Bozzini yet everyone fears the Cyanide Embrace…

Finally, Platinum releases John from his grip and exits the locker room, Gathering his breath, John winces to demonstrate his agony and massages his throat.

John: What the hell is his problem? I was going to strip Sasha “Shinjin” Marquez completely nude and offer him her ring attire. Fuck man, he better not go apeshit on me again…that’s for sure. I love this job.

Basking in a nonexistent sense of glory, John decides to sit down onto the leather chair and extends his legs- with a confused frown etched on his face.

[Andrew Karnage appears backstage, he’s wearing a black t-shirt that reads, “My name is Twilight and I am a Dracula.” Behind him in tow are his boy Kilroy’s wife Emily, and loving daughter Joan.]

Andrew Karnage: Whatever else happens tonight, we can’t let Kilroy know about this.

Emily Evans: I’m sorry, I… I couldn’t help it.

Andrew Karnage: There’s a line Em. A line that nobody should ever cross, and you crossed it.

Emily Evans: Why were you there anyways?

Andrew Karnage: It’s a long story.

[Cut to 7 am this morning. The hotel room where Andrew Karnage was lazily sleeping, his cell phone goes off, “State of Massachusetts” by the Dropkick Murphy’s. Karnage rolls over and answers the phone.]

Andrew Karnage: Whaaaaa…

[We hear the muted cursing from the other side of the phone.]

Andrew Karnage: I’m sorry Gram, I was busy, I know I should have called for your birthday. You want me to what as penance for this? You know my blind date rule… okay, fine, okay, I’ll go, holy freakin’ crap, I’ll freakin’ go.

What do you mean today?

Where did you meet someone that lives in Palm Springs?

Oh, you met her on your Mexican cruise? Why must you show my picture to everyone? Fine, yeah, I’ll call her. Okay, I’m writing the number down.

[Andrew Karnage hangs up the phone.]

Freakin’ Gram.

[He rolls over and goes back to sleep.]

[Noon, outside a building in San Bernadino. Karnage is decked out in a pair of black jean shorts, and a white t-shirt with a red mushroom cloud on it, he checks his watch one more time.]

Voice off-screen: Andrew?

[He turns to find a plump red-headed woman wearing a Twilight t-shirt, a hippie skirt and carrying a backpack.]

Andrew Karnage: Celeste, I presume.

Celeste: Yeah, your grandma called me this morning and said you had some time today.

Andrew Karnage: Yeah, kinda have a big night at work tonight, but for now it’s all good. So…

[Karnage tries to think of something to avoid the long awkward pause, causing a long awkward pause.]

Celeste: You said you’d be up for anything right? Well, I actually had a little thing I was headed for.

Andrew Karnage: I guess I’ll tag along then.

Celeste: Great! Have you read the Twilight series?

Andrew Karnage: Uh… no.

Celeste: Then it’ll all be new to you!

Andrew Karnage: Wait… what?

[12:37, San Bernadino Convention Center… today hosting a Twilight Convention. Andrew Karnage just stops and screams at the entranceway.]

Andrew Karnage: WHY?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!

[1:00 Andrew Karnage finally stops convulsing after Celeste buys him some frozen yogurt.]

Celeste: It’s really a great book.

Andrew Karnage: I feel unclean. Unclean.

Celeste: I never met someone who seemed to hate the books the way you do. I’ll just have to try harder to get you to come over to my way of thinking.


[4:23 pm Andrew Karnage is wandering around trying to avoid eye contact with people, he did buy an Anti-Twilight shirt from a counter group outside which he is wearing. He’s eating a caramaled apple]

Celeste: I don’t see your vitrol for the series being that valid.

Andrew Karnage: First off, VAMPIRES DON’T FUCKING SPARKLE! EVER. Second, I feel unclean, but this caramel is really good.

Celeste: It’s made by a Wiccan. Hey look it’s a costume contest!

Andrew Karnage: Oh sweet baby Jesus and the Orphans.

[He gets drug over to a group of people near a small stage, Twilight cosplayers abound, Karnage attempts not to puke up the Wiccan caramel. A small child bumps into him, he turns to see if the kid is okay.]

Voice off-screen: Joan, watch were you are going honey.

[Andrew Karnage looks down at his god-daughter sprawled on the floor, then up at his best friend’s wife wearing a Twilight t-shirt and carrying a bag full of Twilight merchandise.]

Andrew Karnage: Oh.



My.




God.

Celeste: Someone you know?

Andrew Karnage: Dates over, you seem like a nice crazy chick, but I have to figure out how to save my best friends marriage now.

[Karnage grabs Em and Joan by the hands and pull them to what he deems to be a less freaky corner.]

Emily: I can explain.

Andrew Karnage: But will you ever get the taint off? Will you?

Emily: I…

Andrew Karnage: And you… Joan, you know better than this.

Joan: Mommy said to keep it a secret, you and daddy always are telling me to keep stuff from mommy.

Andrew Karnage: That’s true, but you usually end up narcing us out in the end.

Joan: That’s cause it’s funny to watch you run.

Andrew Karnage: That’s true.

[He checks his watch. Emily starts going through her bags.]

Andrew Karnage: You even have paraphernalia! How far does the Rabbit Hole go, Em? HOW FAR!

Joan: I got a t-shirt with Jacob on it.

Andrew Karnage: I’m burning it, I’m burning all of it.

Joan: But he’s like you…

Andrew Karnage: …unclean… I feel so… unclean…

Emily: I shouldn’t be ashamed of this, it’s just a story…

Andrew Karnage: And yet you feel shame, that means you are doing something horribly wrong.

Emily: It’s not really a big deal.

Andrew Karnage: Okay, figuring in traffic we have to head out now to get to the show.

Emily: What will you do about Kilroy?

Andrew Karnage: We will never speak of this again.

Joan: Yay!

Emily: Let me change quick.

Andrew Karnage: This is the day of Palm Springs Punishment ever, and last year I got stabbed in the foot.

Joan: I have a keychain!

Andrew Karnage: Ew.

Joan: Which I stole.

Andrew Karnage: At least your sticking it to the man.

[Fade to now.]

Andrew Karnage: Remember we will never speak of this again.

Joan: Okay, no telling daddy that we were at a Twilight convention… oh, Hi Daddy!

[Joan runs off screen. Andrew Karnage drops his bags.]

Andrew Karnage: Sweet Baby Jesus and the Orphans.