Hardkore World Title Holders

[~Hardkore Jonnie Valentine~]

("Sober" by Tool plays and a video montage plays of Hardkore World's 18 year history. Cyrus Williams hits Andrew Karnage with The Blackout...Tarrasque chokeslams Big Brute ACE off of a balcony to the floor below...Rad Rick pulls back on a scorpion deathlock on Dragon Kimura...Ace Kilcannon drops "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson on the back of his head with The Kill...Bronco Guerillo comes off on with a rana off the second turnbuckle on Rad Rick...Adrian Faust nails Death Gojira with a Helldriver...Fidel "Che" Gueverra throws powder in Bronco Guerillo's eyes...Rated X hits Ghandi the Butcher with The Unabomber...Kentaro Korose hits Kuala Hala with a facebreaker deathkick...Matthew X flaming thumper heart punches Quasimoto Jones..."Deathstryke" Cyan Komar hits San Diego Strangler with The Deathstryke...Sadiopath pins "Nightmare" Stormy Sommers with a sadioplex...Devon Stevens hits Bobby Nowa with a Zero Grav Leg Drop...Rally Jackson puts Adrian Faust through a press table with a cradle piledriver...Tosh Marley tiger drivers Matthew X...Ace Kilcannon comes off the rope with a springboard DDT on El Hombre Murcie'Lago...Reverand Gozo Shioda nails Ace Kilcannon with a crucifix ganso bomb...Tuxedo Mask executes a gorgeous corkscrew 450 splash on "Sweet" Richard Romero..."Sexy" Anjanette Turner bending Makoto Jupiter in half with a scorpion deathlock with a crossface...Kilroy Evans drops from off the top of a cage with a crowbar across the chest of Death Gojira on a burning car...Tamara Sanchez delivering a crisp helicopter rana on Xyrynth onto a chair...The Miracle Violence Combination II giving Tarrasque a Shotgun Suplex...Cobryn gives Robert Hunglestien III The Answer 2005...Lonewolf McNeely gets a running start and jumps into the Scent of Destruction diamond cutter but Big Bad Bill reverses it into a reverse DDT faceplant off the second rope...Lucifer Jones gives Devon Stevens a London Air Raid off the top rope through a table on the floor...Ayame "Phoenix" Tokugawa backflips off the cage, catching Brandi on the top turnbuckle on the way down with a inverted FireBird DDT...Death Gojira puts the ladder over Cobryn's head in the corner with his chest in the turnbuckle, then jumps off the top turnbuckle on the long end, see sawing him into the audience....Kilroy Evans jumps off a ringpost and elbow drops Death Gojira on a razor wire platform then it fades into a graphic that reads "Hardkore America". The shot then fades out to Hardkore Hall where the audience is cheering and holding up signs like "Welcome Home Adrian", "Vagabond is the Female Highlight Reel", "Break Cobryn's Arm Again...For Me?", "This is Tanner Country", "Reeee-ornk", "Cobryn Will Kill Bill", "Arizona Luvs Adrian", "Time for Mortal Kombat", "My Boy Kilroy", "The Un-Stable Rules" and "Adrian is a Desert Rat")

Guillermo O'Bannon: Hello, everyone and welcome to Phoenix. I'm Guillermo O'Bannon and I'm sweating my balls off in the 120 degree heat. But I'm not the only one stankin, to my right is Phil Blauer.

Phil Blauer: God never meant for people to live in a place like this. I'm sweatin out of places Vagabond only dreams about. Boone, I'm gonna need ice cubes applied to my nipples indefinately.

(Boone just stands there)

Phil Blauer: STAT!!

(Only a smoked shaped sillohuette of Matt Boone is still there)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tonight we have our first Hardkore World Heavyweight title defense for Big Bad Bill as he takes on Cobryn. Cobryn won the right to be the first one to face after winning a threeway dance in San Diego with Adrian Tanner Jr. & Vincent Silvestri back in July of 2004! Big Bad Bill tore through such greats as Lucifer Jones, Death Gojira, "Nasty" Ned Chambers to defeat Cyrus Williams in the tournament for the most prestigious belt in the World. Bill is the only man to make Cobryn submit, upsetting him in a match for the Hardkore West Coast title at Hardkore Helloween 2004. A fact Cobryn is probably obsessing over.

Phil Blauer: In my best selling book, "Stalking Your Way into Her Heart" we explore that a little obsession isn't a bad thing.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tonight, they face off in what is sure to be a classic wrestling match for one of the biggest prizes of any career. Death Gojira puts his Hardkore America Heavyweight Championship up against Lucifer Jones, two of the most brutal wrestlers on the roster. Gojira earned himself another month with the title after surviving a awesome Double Hell match in Belfast, Northern Ireland. But he had to have left some of himself back there hanging on the razor wire. Lucifer Jones was also succesful at Irish Rage in Belfast defeating "The Punisher" Dan Stein in a blue bar steel cage. Both men have been through hell, but that's nothing compared to what they are in for tonight when they go head to head. Syberus will also take on Blak Lung for the Hardkore World Light Heavyweight Championship.

Phil Blauer: What?? Why?

Guillermo O'Bannon: He won a contest for best commercial.

Phil Blauer: When did this place turn into a day camp?

Guillermo O'Bannon: Then in what promises to be an exciting, high flying encounter "Sexy" Anjanette Turner defends her championship against Ashley. Ashley won a threeway dance among Vagabond and Alley to earn her chance here tonight. She is a two time former EWW Champ, as well as the president.

Phil Blauer: Isn't that like when Vince won the WWE title?

Guillermo O'Bannon: No, that's like if Linda won the WWE title.

Phil Blauer: EWW is WWE backwards. That's something to think about.

Guillermo O'Bannon: No it isn't. "Sexy" Anjanette barely escaped Northern Ireland with her championship with Horror Girl as the special referee in her match with Tamara Sanchez. Tonight, she has to wrestle an accomplished veteran rarely seen in today's emphasis on T&A.

Phil Blauer: Bite your tongue!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Then it's time for an old fashioned steel cage grudge match. "The Punisher" Dan Stein was the number one draft pick The Un-Stable had in mind to reform their headlining group. Dan Stein used them to hurt Lucifer Jones then swerved them to join up with Cobryn and Johnny Lee Harley. His partner, "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson is obsessed with proving what we already know, that wrestlers use steroids.

Phil Blauer: But Karnage is the exception, the only cycle that guy rides is his steroid cycle.

Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't get it.

Phil Blauer: Read Dynamite Kid's book.

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Un-Stable put their newly won back World Championships on the line against these two in what is sure to be a brutal cage match. Then we have a rematch from Irish Rage in Belfast, The Shootfighter puts his Hardkore West Coast title on the line against Nick Knight's Knephew "The Excellance of Elegance" Zack Daniels. Daniels impressed alot of people in Ireland, including me.

Phil Blauer: Not me. Wait, is he the seven foot guy who does the unprettier and calls it a Brunoprettier?

Guillermo O'Bannon: But Shootfighter has been hanging on to that title like Boone does with his Penthouse when his mom cleans his room. He has the stiff shots that can change anybody's title plans. Another match I'm looking forward to is the match to see who will face the Hardkore World Women's Champion at The Staples Center next month. Tamara Sanchez, Alley, Vampira, Horror Girl, and Vagabond will all match wills and try to outlast one another to be the number one contender.

Phil Blauer: Then it's time for a rematch from the last time we were here. Last time, Adrian Tanner Jr. wrestled Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion Stan "The Tank" Wilson in his hometown.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Adrian's from Tucson.

Phil Blauer: You say funny words that make me laugh.

Guillermo O'Bannon: At any rate, last time, Stan Wilson was able to chokeslam his way to victory in that match and Tanner is sure to be looking for revenge. Then it's time for the Hardkore America debut of the "Saikyo Terrorist" Tatsuya Arakawa. He takes on Kilroy Evans who is still licking his wounds after that terrifying Double Hell match. And High Maintenance tries to get back on track after losing their World Tag Team titles with a match with the brutal Warhammer Corporation.

(The Linux start up theme plays over and over again in an annoying loop which forces the crowd to cover their ears with their hands. They boo and rock the America West Arena. The Microshocker walks out through the curtain and is almost blown back by the hatred. He shivers with extacsy and rubs his Hardkore World Six Man Tag Team Championship belt. Bad Boy King Kong gooses his behind from the back and The Shock jumps a mile. Bad Boy King Kong carries The Shock's laptop computer named Mr. Computer. They tickle each other and then walk down to the ring)

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Microshocker shocked the world in Northern Ireland when he won his first World Championship with Rally Jackson & Big Bad Bill.

Phil Blauer: It almost makes the years of losing worth it.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Almost.

Yolanda Ando: The Shock wears a glittering grey body suit with the ass cut out & bare midriff. Seriously.

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to The America West Arena. Hardkore World and Hardkore Jonnie Valentine presents tonight's bill of wrestling action. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by his manager and life companion, Bad Boy King Kong; From Seattle, Washington; Weighing 200 pounds; He is One Third of the HARDKORE WORLD SIX MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS...THE MICROSHOCKER!!!"

(The Phoenix fans boo and jeer The Shock as Bad Boy King Kong holds him up in a disturbing reverse electric chair. Then "Chilly Water" by Widespread Panic plays, Andrew Sinclair gets a mixed reaction, mostly because of how much everyone hates The Shock. He walks down to the ring, staring a hole through The Shock & Bad Boy King Kong)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Here comes Andrew Sinclair who mistakenly helped The Un-Stable win the Hardkore World Tag Team titles at Ulster Hall. Also on that same show, Sinclair made quick work of Blak Lung.

Phil Blauer: Who doesn't?

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent, from Sacramento, California; Standing 6 feet 3 inches tall; Weighing 228 pounds...ANDREW SINCLAIR!!!"

(The Phoenix fans applaud out of respect. Bad Boy King Kong gives The Microshocker a kiss on the cheek for good luck. Ron Reid signals for the bell to ring)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Sinclair tosses The Microshocker across the ring with a rolling ipponzei. Another one! The Shock is barely up before Sinclair knocks him silly with a running high kick!

(The Shock rolls out of the ring and signals for a timeout. Bad Boy King Kong checks his nose for blood. He gives him some advice in his ear and then starts tounging it)

Phil Blauer: That's ill.

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shock is back in the ring and has a whole new gameplan for this match. He goes to lock up with Andrew Sinclair, but Sinclair spins around into a uraken spinning backfist. Sinclair pops him in the face with an elbow to the face.

(Sinclair pops The Microshocker with a second elbow smash and then dumps him over his shoulder with an exploder '98. Sinclair bounces into the ropes but Bad Boy King Kong grabs his boot. Sinclair doesn't trip, but turns around and points at his bodyguard)

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Shock follows Sinclair in with a knee to his kidneys. The Microshocker scoops Sinclair up and bodyslams him.

(The Microshocker climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a frog splash, but Sinclair puts his knees up! Shock rolls around clutching his stomach. Sinclair full nelsons The Microshocker)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Sinclair dragon suplexes The Microshocker!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Microshocker rolls his arm up)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sinclair runs into the ropes and clips The Shock in the face with a jumping knee. He fireman's carries him up onto his shoulders and then drops him on his head with a death valley driver!

(Andrew Sinclair bounces off the ropes and rains down on The Microshocker's forehead with a crisp kneedrop. Some pockets of the audience applaud)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Sinclair hits The Shock with a uranage!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Microshocker kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Sinclair climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Bad Boy King Kong pushes his ass off the ropes and The Shock powerslams Sinclair!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Andrew Sinclair kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Sinclair gets to his feet and kicks him in his side. He then spins around into a roundhouse kick! He goes to kick him in the stomach but The Shock catches his foot.

(Andrew Sinclair hops on one foot, while The Shock holds on to his boot. Sinclair then whips around in an enzuigiri! The fans pop)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sinclair runs into the ropes and rolls into a koppo kick! He german suplexes The Microshocker!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Microshocker gets his shoulder up)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Andrew Sinclair climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes off with a Bombs Away kneedrop!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(The Microshocker kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Bad Boy King Kong tries to roll under the ropes but he's too fat. He slides Mr. Computer in for The Microshocker but Andrew Sinclair picks it up instead. He bashes Bad Boy King Kong on the head with it!!

(The audience cheers, but The Microshocker is on the top turnbuckle. Sinclair turns around and The Shock hops off with a flying eye poke. Sinclair drops Mr. Computer and covers his eyes)

Guillermo O'Bannon: An F2 neckbreaker by The Microshocker! He pulls Sinclair up by the hair and irish whips him into the ropes. The Shock hits him on the way back with a huracanrana but Sinclair reverses it into a powerbomb!!

(The crowd pops as The Microshocker clutches the small of his back. Sinclair runs into the ropes and soccer kicks in the chest. The sound of the air leaving The Shock's chest is heard throughout the America West Arena)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sinclair dragon screw legwhips The Shock to the mat and applies a hizajugigatame cross knee-bar. The Shock's girlish screams are ear splitting.

Phil Blauer: He doesn't do well with pain. In retrospect pro wrestling could have been a bad career choice.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Sinclair could break The Shock's leg any time he wants. It seems he's just toying with him. He pulls him up and lifts him up into a suplex, but drops him into a Go to the ER kneestrike!! The Shock is done!

(Bad Boy King Kong runs into the ring and clubs Sinclair from behind! The Phoenix fans boo loudly, and Bad Boy King Kong irish whips him into the turnbuckles)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Bad Boy King Kong crushes Sinclair with 489 pounds of fat lovin! The Microshocker climbs to the top turnbuckle and comes down on Sinclair's chest with a butt bomb!!

(Robert Hunglestien III, Andrew Karnage, and Kilroy Evans run out from the entranceway. The audience cheers wildly)

Phil Blauer: The Un-Stable is coming for me! Hide me!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III has had some words for Andrew Sinclair sticking his nose in their tag team title match. Kilroy Evans is the first to hit the ring, and he pulls Sinclair up by the hair.

(Kilroy Evans lands a stiff side kick into Andrew Sinclair's guts and the Phoenix audience gasps. Robert Hunglestien III pulls Sinclair's head into his legs and butterflies his arms)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Robert Hunglestien III delivers The High Life on Andrew Sinclair!!

Phil Blauer: What? Why are The Un-Stable helping The Microshocker?? Unless...their gay! I knew it!

Guillermo O'Bannon: The Microshocker confusedly climbs to the top turnbuckle and then comes off with a elbow drop!! He covers Sinclair as Hunglestien laughs maniacally on the outside!!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!

(The bell rings and the fans boo. The Linux start up theme plays over and over again in an annoying loop)

Guillermo O'Bannon: I don't believe it, Robert Hunglestien III and The Un-Stable just caused The Microshocker to get his first win in Hardkore America in six years!

Phil Blauer: Everyone will remember where they were this night! I'll remember I was shifting in my seat uncomfortably, wondering why we can't get cushier chairs.

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 8 minutes 1 second; THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...THE MICROSHOCKER!!!"

(Bad Boy King Kong holds Microshocker up in the air as they soak in the boos. The Phoenix fans litter the ring with garbage. Suddenly High Maintenance run into the ring with chairs)

Guillermo O'Bannon: "Rolls Royce" Jonathan Richards pounds on Kilroy Evans back with that steel chair!! Bad Boy King Kong surprises Andrew Sinclair with a bearhug!

(The Phoenix fans boo as "New Sensation" Nathan Slater catches Robert Hunglestien III with a superkick! "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson runs down to the ring and the audience gets louder)

Phil Blauer: He showed up! I definately WILL remember where I was tonight now that Rally has shown up for his match!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Rally rolls into the ring and kawada kicks Andrew Karnage in the chest! Jonathan Richards hart attacks Sinclair off the ropes! The fans are about to riot!

(Jonathan Richards electric chairs Kilroy Evans up on his shoulders while Nathan Slater climbs to the top turnbuckle. He comes off the top rope with a flying bulldog to Kilroy Evans!! The audience chants "You Suck Dick". Nathan Slater shakes his head frantically, that no, he does not)

Guillermo O'Bannon: "Tigerheart" Rally Jackson double underhooks Andrew Karnage up on to his shoulders and then flips him up onto his shoulder. He takes three big steps into the center of the ring and Grasshopper Drivers him!!

(Rally hops up and bows to the audience who boo him. Bad Boy King Kong irish whips Andrew Karnage into the turnbuckle chestfirst. He gets a running start and avalanches his back)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Bad Boy King Kong gives Andrew Karnage "The Preferable Form of Avalanche '05"!! His name...not mine.

Phil Blauer: Liar. Jonathan Richards full nelsons Andrew Sinclair and Nathan Lane kicks him right in the balls!!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Slater.

Phil Blauer: Hmm?

Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater kicked him in the balls. Not Nathan Lane. He's an actor.

Phil Blauer: Did I? Why do I keep thinking his name is Nathan Lane?

(Crowd chants "You Suck Dick" at Nathan Slater)

Phil Blauer: I can't think of why I would confuse Nathan Slater, the former Hardkore World Tag Team Champion, and Nathan Lane, the star of The Bird Cage.

(The entire America West Arena chants "YOU SUCK DICK" at Nathan Slater, who stands on the second rope, singling fans out in the front row for his venom)

Phil Blauer: I can't put my finger on it.

("YOU SUCK DICK!!!")

Guillermo O'Bannon: High Maintenance hold Andrew Sinclair's legs down and The Microshocker wobbles over, still woozy and goes to bite Sinclair's jewels...but Tarrasque hits the ring and clocks The Microshocker!

Phil Blauer: Who would have thought Tarrasque would stop a groin attack?? The irony!

Guillermo O'Bannon: "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix is in the ring as well and superkicks Rally Jackson upside the head!

(The crowd pops for The Warhammer Corporation, and Rally Jackson rolls out of the ring and heads back to the locker room. Robert Hunglestien III whacks Jonathan Richards with an flurry of elbow uppercuts. Vastrix & Tarrasque's manager Lucius Morgan walks down to the ring with a smirk on his face. The audience goes crazy as Tarrasque grabs The Microshocker by the throat)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque chokeslams The Microshocker over the top rope to the apron!! The Shock's back hits that apron and then he slides off onto the America West Arena floor! Kilroy Evans hits Nathan Slater with The Bad Touch!!

(The fans are deafening as Robert Hunglestien knocks Jonathan Richards back into Jeremiah Vastrix with a elbow smash off the ropes)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards backs into Jeremiah Vastrix who double chicken wings him. He tangles his legs up with Richards' and trips him facefirst into the mat!!

(America West Arena event staff comes down to the ring and seperates The Un-Stable, Andrew Sinclair, and The Dark Ryderz Movement at ringside. Mike Peters slides into the ring and signals for the bell)

Phil Blauer: And apparantly our next match is underway!

Guillermo O'Bannon: And we'll bring it to you right after this commercial break!

[~Hardkore Jonnie Valentine~]

***commercial***

Phil Blauer: Hi, I'm TV's Phil Blauer. If you're like anyone these days, you know all about me. But what you might not know is that I am a quarter Jewish on my mother's side. I think. You see, Grandpa Rob never got me that pony I asked for, and his birthday checks were always a little on the light side, but either way a quarter of me is one of the Chosen People. This Yom Kippor, I decided to take what I do, describing wrestling moves to our blind viewers, and apply it to the often overlooked quarter of the wrestling population. That's why, this Yom Kippor, I will have Phil Blauer's Yom Kippor Wrestling Spectacular! It'll be a All Star wrestling card of wrestling's classic Jewish characters:

Main Event:
Bill Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash

Phil Blauer's Jewish Tag Team Titles
Randy Savage & Lanny Poffo
vs.
The Nasty Boys

Raven vs. Billy Kidman managed by Paul Heyman

Michael "PS" Hayes vs. Marc Mero managed by Missy Hyatt

Kane vs. A-Train managed by Joel Gertner

Moondog Spot vs. Barry Horowitz

Dean Malenko vs. Diamond Dallas Page

David Flair vs. Matt Stryker

Plus a special Yahrzeit for Andy Kaufman, Herb Abrams, The Grand Wizard, and Boris Malenko

Phil Blauer: Come on, don't be a schmuck. You've seen Sting, Road Warrior Animal, Ted Dibiase and Nikita Koloff making money off their guy...I mean spreading the Word. Why shouldn't we?

***commercial***

Guillermo O'Bannon: Oy vey! Welcome back fans, security has dragged The Un-Stable and The Dark Ryderz Movement, & Andrew Sinclair back to the locker room individually. Now we're left with The Warhammer Corporation & High Maintenance in a great tag team match! Vastrix smacks Richards with a knife edge chop you can hear through The America West Arena!

Phil Blauer: Jeremiah Vastrix inside cradles Jonathan Richards!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Nathan Slater stomps the back of Vastrix' head)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque runs into the ring and clotheslines Slater! Jeremiah Vastrix gets behind Richards with an orton backbreaker! Vastrix runs into the corner and hops onto the second rope. He springs backward into a 180 degree turn body press but Richards catches him and powerslams him!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: "Rolls Royce" Jonathan Richards scoops Vastrix up and drops him down onto his knee with a shoulderbreaker. Vastrix lands near his corner and tags in Tarrasque. Richards takes a swing at Tarrasque but he ducks and backslides him!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...(Jonathan Richards gets his shoulder up)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque irish whips Richards into the turnbuckles. He follows him in with a clothesline, but Richards is ready for him with a big boot!

(The audience boos, Jonathan Richards then hits the stunned two time Hardkore America Champion with a diamond cutter! He pulls Tarrasque up and starts battering him with forearms)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards hammering away on Tarrasque but Tarrasque is no-selling them. He glares at a scared looking Richards and bearhugs him!

(Richards cries out in pain as Tarrasque walks him over to the ropes and hotshots him on the top rope! Tarrasque then dares Richards to tag in Nathan Slater. The partners look at one another confused and do so)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater in the ring now and they double dropkick Tarrasque!

Phil Blauer: Little hard to no sell that.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater hiptosses Tarrasque over. He bulldogs the big man! Slater climbs to the top turnbuckle, but Lucius Morgan climbs up and shakes the ropes, crotching him on the top! Tarrasque runs into the ropes and diving tackles Slater to the floor!!

(The crowd cheers as Nathan Slater uncomfortably tumbles to the floor! Tarrasque rolls out to the floor and grabs Slater by the hair. He bashes Slater's face into the corner post)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque winds back and slams Nathan Slater's face into the ringpost! Slater's busted open! Tarrasque presses Slater over his head and drops his throat on the guardrail!

(Slater walks on his knees, clutching his throat, as blood runs down his face. Tarrasque rolls into the ring and tags in "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix. Slater climbs up to the apron)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix suplexes Slater over the ropes and drops his head on his knee!!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix spinning toe holds Slater, and then stomps his ankle.

Phil Blauer: Why?

Guillermo O'Bannon: Who knows? Vastrix irish whips Slater into the ropes, dips down for a backdrop, but Slater flips over him into a sunset flip!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix claps his legs together on Slater's head)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater armdrags Vastrix over, and again. He inverted atomic drops Jeremiah into the corner. He tags in Jonathan Richards. They irish whip Jeremiah Vastrix into the ropes and double back body drop him!

(The fans boo. Jonathan Richards presses Jeremiah Vastrix over his head, and benches him three times before dropping his stomach onto his knee in a gutbuster)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards irish whips Vastrix into the ropes and clotheslines him. He shoots him into the ropes a second time and backdrops him, but Vastrix lands on his feet behind him. He whacks Richards with a knife edge to his ribs. Vastrix irish whips him into the ropes and then baseball slide kicks his ankle, sending him tumbling out of the ring!

(Jeremiah Vastrix tags in Tarrasque. Tarrasque scoops Richards up and drops his back onto the railing! Richards arches his back in agony. Tarrasque then rolls him onto the apron)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque scoops Jonathan Richards up and then comes off the apron with a powerslam on to the guardrail!!

(The crowd comes alive with cheers, Richards crawls on the mat, clutching his back. He pulls Richards' head into his legs, then flips him up on to his shoulder. He facefirst powerbombs his chest on to the railing!! The Phoenix fans cheer as Richards falls into the front row)

Phil Blauer: I've never heard a crowd cheer for The Warhammer Corporation like this since they saved the Rockford Dungeons & Dragons conventions by bringing extra cheetos.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque pulls Jonathan Richards over the railing, then battering rams his face & chest into the ringpost!! Richards spins around with a large gash over his eye! Both members of High Maintenance bleeding heavily now!

(Tarrasque rolls a bloody Jonathan Richards into the ring and then steps into the ring as well. He hooks him up for a suplex, but Richards blocks it with his calf. Jonathan Richards reverses it with a brainbuster)

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Tarrasque kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards grabs Tarrasque by the throat and hits him with a derailer bomb!!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Tarrasque rolls his shoulder up)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque tags in Jeremiah Vastrix who comes in and takes a bloody Richards out with a leaping roundhouse kick! Vastrix irish whips him but Richards reverses it and sends him into the ropes. Rolls Royce tiltawhirls Vastrix into a backbreaker!

(Richards irish whips Vastrix into the ropes again and drives him headfirst into the canvas with an emerald fusion!! The America West Arena crowd boos while Richards rolls him over into a pin)

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards pulls Vastrix up by the hair and God's Gift uppercut heart punches him in the chest. Richards backs away, covering his chest. Vastrix runs into the ropes but Rolls Royce drops him with a shoulderblock.

(Richards tags in Nathan Slater, and applies an abdominal stretch. Nathan Slater bounces into the ropes, and cracks the unprotected face of Jeremiah Vastrix with a superkick)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater cradles him with a handful of Vastrix's bodysuit!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Jeremiah Vastrix gets his shoulder up)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater grabs him by the legs and turns him over into a boston crab. Vastrix tries to crawl over to the ropes, but Slater holds on to his legs.

(The crowd boos High Maintenance. Blood runs down Slater's face as he bends Vastrix's legs backwards, when suddenly Vastrix powers out of it. Vastrix knife edge uppercuts Slater in the face. Tarrasque enters the ring)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque puts his knee out and Jeremiah Vastrix bulldogs Slater's stomach onto it!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: "God's Gift" Jeremiah Vastrix scoops Nathan Slater up but Slater falls behind him with an inverted facelock. He lifts him up into a gourdbuster!

(Slater tags in Jonathan Richards. Richards grabs Vastrix by the legs while Nathan Slater climbs to the top turnbuckle. Richards lifts Vastrix up into a wheelbarrow with a legdrop!! The audience boos as Jonathan Richards makes the cover)

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix gets his foot on the bottom rope)

Guillermo O'Bannon: "Rolls Royce" Jonathan Richards wipes some blood out of his eyes and pulls Vastrix up high in the air with a crucifix, then powerbombs him hard into the mat!!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards scoops Jeremiah Vastrix up and then swings him around into a catatonic uranage!!

(Audience boos, and Richards lifts his arms in victory. He pulls Vastrix up and irish whips him into the turnbuckles. Vastrix runs up the turnbuckles, hops onto the middle of the top rope and comes off with a roundhouse kick! The crowd cheers)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix stomps Richards in the mouth, and then climbs to the top turnbuckle. He backflips into a moonsault!!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jonathan Richards kicks out)

(Richards spits some blood out. Jeremiah Vastrix tags in Tarrasque and then climbs to the top turnbuckle. Tarrasque sits Richards on the top turnbuckle, facing Vastrix. Vastrix hooks him in an inverted headlock, and Tarrasque climbs up to the second turnbuckle, hooking Richards in a waistlock. Tarrasque german superplexes Richards as Vastrix comes down with them with an inverted bulldog)

Phil Blauer: The Warhammer Corporation stole The Silver Lining!!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Nathan Slater stomps the back of Tarrasque's head)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tarrasque irish whips Jonathan Richards into the ropes and hits a huracanrana! He climbs up to the top turnbuckle, and then hops off with a double foot stomp to the groin!!

(America West Arena cheers as Richards sits up, clutching his plums. Tarrasque pulls him up and irish whips him into the ropes. Jonathan Richards punt kicks him in the face as Tarrasque tries to backdrop him)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Jonathan Richards piledrives Tarrasque!!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Tarrasque kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Richards cobra clutches Tarrasque and then bulldogs him on to his face & arm! He pulls Tarrasque up, but Tarrasque applies a claw to his temples.

(Tarrasque scoops Richards and bodyslams him. Tarrasque tags in Jeremiah Vastrix. Vastrix irish whips him into the ropes, but hangs on to his arm and drags him to the mat)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix pulls Richards up and pulls him back up by the hair onto his knee!

(Richards gets to his feet and ducks under a knife edge chop, so he lifts Vastrix up in an inverted crucifix)

Guillermo O'Bannon: A very bloody Jonathan Richards drops Vastrix on his face with an inverted razor's edge powerbomb!! He grabs a facedown God's Gift by the legs and begins swinging him around & round. He gets him high enough for a wheelbarrow suplex!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix staggers to his feet but Jonathan Richards drops him with an x factor!

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "Twenty Minutes Have Elapsed. 10 Minutes Remaining."

(Jonathan Richards tags in Nathan Slater. He lifts Vastrix up and then powerbombs him onto Richard's knee!! The fans boo as Slater makes the cover)

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Slater monkey flips Vastrix across the ring. He drives Vastrix's skull into the mat with a DDT!

(Vastrix rolls out of the way of a legdrop by Slater. He gets up and presses Nathan Slater over his head)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Vastrix drops Slater into an ace crusher!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Nathan Slater kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix lifts Slater up into a weak bomb!! He cradles the legs!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...thr- (Jonathan Richards stomps the back of Vastrix's head)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Jeremiah Vastrix irish whips Slater into the ropes but Slater jumps over the sweep kick and comes back with a flying body press with a handful of Jeremiah Vastrix's bodysuit!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...(Jeremiah Vastrix kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Nathan Slater tags in Jonathan Richards, and then electric chairs him up on his shoulders. Richards comes off the top turnbuckle with a flying bulldog!!

Referee Mike Peters: 1...2...3!!!

(The crowd boos, as "Get Down" by Everlast plays. Gavin Slater runs into the ring and celebrates with High Maintenance)

Guillermo O'Bannon: High Maintenance has defeated The Warhammer Corporation!

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 22 minutes 13 seconds; THE WINNERS OF THE MATCH...HIGH MAINTENANCE!!!"

Guillermo O'Bannon: These two teams warred for over twenty minutes but in the end it is the SWAT free agents that get the win.

(Gavin Slater helps a blood drenched Jonathan Richards back to the locker room, as Nathan Slater celebrates ahead of them, arms raised in the air)

[~Hardkore Jonnie Valentine~]

***commercial***

Coming this October (or December)
to Cleveland, Ohio
The Gund Arena

HARDKORE HELLOWEEN 2006

Champions come and go, but only one man will be Hardkore for the whole year long...

***commercial***

[The Heel]

[The scene opens on Cobryn trying to enter the arena. Maybe... we're not sure because of the incredible amount of Mexicans around him. They are jumping for joy and doing things that Mexicans do when they're happy. Jumping, hooting, hollaring, smelling.

The usual things basically.]

Cobryn: Andale! Andale! All of my Mexican friends who have crossed the border just to see Cobryn... wonderful! Brain... allcay... the Olicepay...

Random Mexican One: Cobryn.. we big fans of you! We come all the way from Puerto-Rico just to give you award!

Cobryn: Cobryn always has time for his people, senor.

[Cobryn applies a firm grip on his mace.]

Cobryn: Now if you can tell me who exactly you are... Hey... are you Tito Santana?

Random Mexican Two: We are the Sporto-Ricans senor! Puerto Rico's greatest lacross team!

Cobryn: Of course... how could I have not recognized you guys?

Random Mexican Three: We are here senor... to give you an award!

Cobryn: Well then... Andale... Andale! Arriba!

[Police men approach]

Cobryn: Easy now officers... these fine young spico-ricans are about to give Cobryn some sort of award.

You know, in India they used to crucify people like ZDaniels in honor and tribute to Cobryn. Officersway, aystay oseclay... Iway illway eakspay otay ouyay inway isthay odecay osay ethay Irtyday Exicansmay ancay otnay understandway emay.

Officer One: What!?

Cobryn, looking annoyed: Iway illway eakspay otay ouyay inway isthay odecay osay ethay Irtyday Exicansmay ancay otnay understandway emay.

Officer Two: What?

[Cobryn goes to speak but is interrupted by a dirty Mexican.]

Random Mexican Four: Its pig latin... ...

[Cobryn blushes.]

Cobryn: Can we get to the point here? I have a match to wrestle.

Random Mexican Three: Of course. We, The Sporto-Rican Lacrosse team honor you Cobryn, for being the Retard Face Puncher of the year!!

[Confetti falls. Cobryn grabs a cops gun in alarm, then tries to shrug it off as if he was just "playin". The Sporto-Ricans hand Cobryn a trophy.]

Cobryn: Well... I'm honored. Let me first say to the retarded Mexican community out there... That Cobryn did not... I say DID NOT... discriminate against punching you retarded spics in the face at all opportunities.

Cobryn has worked very hard over the past month being an equal opportunity retard face puncher... and hopefully with all of your prayers... all of this retard punching can really make a difference and mean something.

Now if you'll please excuse me... I have a fight to prepare for.

[Triple B]

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
-- Carl Sagan,

[Fade In]

Triple B sits in the biggest locker room in the America West Arena, because he is the biggest champion.

“Aah, Cobryn,” he says just barely above a whisper, “you still haven’t lost your heart. Of course we all know that’s because I haven’t torn it from your chest yet. I hope you didn’t mind my silence for the past week; I was busy attending to other matters, like training a young woman how to tear flesh from bone; something that I shall teach you later in the night.

“Fortunately, I see that you have attended to some matters of your own. Beating up retarded midgets…

“I am almost at a loss for words.

“I beat every man worthy of calling himself a champion that this federation has to offer, and this is what you come to me with? I snapped your arm at the shoulder, watched the look on your face closer than any camera angle, and heard you beg me to release the most dangerous submission hold in the world. What wrestler, in any federation, has crippled as many other wrestlers as me? What man has toppled more giants than myself? What entity has consistently made great men look inferior to my wake of destruction? And the best that you could bring to the table was retarded midget beatings?

“Have you gone mad?

“Cobryn, you poor, miserable wretch, I can see now that there is little recourse left for me but to end this farce of your life. You were once feared, but now you are a joke. You make people laugh, but so did Al Bundy, and no one ever feared him in a fight. You were once great, but now you are reduced to a quivering mess, held together at the seams by a few sorority gags. Oh how the mighty have fallen. While it may have even brought a smile to my dark features, I am still resolved to only one conclusion…

“If this is the best that you can bring before facing ME, then it would have been better if you just retired from wrestling after I beat you the first time; like you originally planned on doing. Really, boy, the best of Cobryn is years ago. The only reason why you are even in THIS match is because of some great victory that you had over a year ago; before I even came to this federation.

“What happened to you?”

Triple B shakes his head in displeasure.

“However, if it pleases you, you may continue with your locker room pranks and your childish gags. Why stop, Cobryn, the needle is all ready in place. All that is left is for you to inject the poison that will stop your heart and leave us with the fond memories of the once and former Cobryn.

“Keep up your humor, Cobryn, it will take your mind off of the clock on your wall as it counts down the seconds to your ultimate doom. For truly, whelp, if this is the best that you have to bring to me, the world champion, then I will just have to kill you.”

[Fade to Black]

[The Heel]

[Cobryn sits in his locker room. Contrary to what Bill may believe... it is bigger than Bills.]

Cobryn: You know Bill... I was wondering how long it was going to take you to get Bad Boy Kong off of you and get to the arena. And you know... I can't thank you enough for scolding Cobryn and his "childish" pranks.

[Cobryn rolls his eyes, as if Punching retards in the face was some childish prank. Pcha.]

Cobryn: But all I hear from you lately is the same garbage. Actually thats all I've ever heard from you. You go off on some old Kung-Fu episode's script and then you tell me how washed up Cobryn is.

Thats fine Billy. I'm not gonna argue the point with you. I want you just in that frame of mind. Cause you're invincible now. You are the fucking man and Cobryn wants you to know that he's very afraid of you.

So you have nothing to worry about.

[Cobryn quivers.]

Cobryn: Theres been a lot of big egos around all throughout the years that Cobryn's been winning World titles. And Cobryn has gone through them all Bill. Each and every last one of those egos. Each and everyone of them just KNEW that Cobryn couldnt POSSIBLY beat them. It was unfathomable for them. Why should it be any different now? Especially since I'm "Washed up".

Jeez... you think you could dig in that spooky bag a little deeper to come up with something better than that after taking nearly the whole month off to train some chick while I'm preparing more than I ever have in my life for a match. But maybe I've been overestimating you from the begining.

The question you need to ask yourself Bill is Why.

Why, since you are so superior... just ask you... are you going to lose your Hardkore World Championship to me tonight?

Why, since you are such a master ring technician and planner... are you going to be lucky if you walk out of that ring at all tonight?

Why? I'll help you out Billy. Because Cobryn has toppled bigger mountains than you. Cobryn has gone through much better than you and walked out unscathed.

Basically... I've been here before Bill.

When Big Stan was THE MAN and I faced all odds against him early in my career... before you were even Little-Sorta Menacing-Willy... I marched over him and turned him into the glob he is today.

When Tripps owned the wrestling world... I faced all odds and walked out with the UWA Heavyweight Championship on my shoulder. MY Shoulder.

When Rally Jackson cornered the Tournament of the Elite and no one gave Cobryn a chance to defeat him and advance in the tournament... I won the whole thing.

When Bobby Hunglow was standing on top of Hardkore World after winning the 2004 Helloween cup and the Hardkore American title... I'm the one who toppled him. And sent him into a four month sabatical so he could rethink his career.

So this is nothing new Bill. What you need to ask yourself is what makes you think so confidently that this time is going to be any different for me? You think you pose some new challenge that I havent faced before?

Heh.

Good for you.

[Alley]

(Alley-oop)

Alley: Hey Tamara, I know what I hear you say, and so did everyone else. BTW change your shirt. I see you wearing that nasty shirt everyday and even though you take a shower you never wash that shirt. Please wear something else when you come to the ring or I’m going to lose because I was to busy holding my nose from the smell. Oh and you keep forgetting to put your Spanish quote of the day up at the end of your promos, so I think I’ll help you out. Yo quito Taco Bell.

See ya in the ring lolli-pop.

[Lucifer Jones]

(Lucifer Jones is standing by the crafts food table, and the echo's of boos can be heard rocking the arena. It doesn't faze the White Chapel Horror though. No, because tonight, not only is he going to single handedly kick every single one of Death Gojira's teeth down that scarred up mouth of his...he's also staring intently at Alley's tits as she finishes up her promo we just watched.)

LuJo: *mouthful of tunafish sandwich* Cor blimey...look at them things.

(She hands back the mic and walks past Jones, who gives her a wink and a smile, mouthful of glittering gold teeth. She laughs in disgust and walks by, shaking her head at him. Jones takes a bite out of sandwich and stares her down, venom in his eyes.)

LuJo: Typical stuck up Yank bitch. Wouldn't know a real man if...if...

What the bloody fuck is up with all these retards hanging around backstage?

(Cue former prowrestling.com reporter Matt Boone who walks up to the craft foods table and grabs a bean burrito for Phil Blauer. About twenty retarded children run by, crying retarded cries, their retarded eyes blackened and bruised.)

LuJo: Oi, Tubby tits, what's wif the "special kids"? You havin' a family reunion or what?

former prowrestling.com reporter Matt Boone: Noooooooo, silly. I think that's just Cobryn finishing up his training against Big Bad Bill.

(Sure enough, the Cobryn, followed in suit by Johnny Lee Harley, saunters past them both, looking as cocky as ever. Jones leans back against the table and gives a cocky smile, right before spitting on the ground in front of Cobryn's expensive alligator loafers. Cobryn stops right before stepping into the spit and doesn't even bother to turn his head to look at Jones.)

LuJo: Careful now mate, wouldn't want to slip and fall and hurt yourself before the big big match tonight, now would ya'? Hawhaw hahahahaha!!!!

(Cobryn turns and looks at Johnny Lee Harley, both men stepping over the loogie and continuing on there way.)

Cobryn: You smell something, Johnny? Sounded like someone just took a big shit and forgot to bring their baby wipes. Come on, Cobryn needs to distance himself from such riff-raff. Cobryn's got some training to do.

(Cobryn walks away and Johnny Lee Harley follows suit, but not before stopping in front of Lucifer Jones and staring him down. For a few tense seconds, both men look ready to throw down...

...and Johnny Lee throws a fake punch, but Jones just stands there and doesn't flinch, smiling that sick sadistic smile of his. Johnny Lee Harley just laughs and catches up with Cobryn.)

LuJo: Pffffffft. Fuckin' wankers, the lot of em'.

(former prowrestling.com reporter Matt Boone tries to walk away without dealing with Jones, but Jones taps him on the shoulder.)

LuJo: Oi...aren't you gonna ask me some questions about MY bloody match coming up mate? I wanna cut a promo too, ya know.

former prowrestling.com reporter Matt Boone: Ummm, ok. Just don't hit me this time, alright?

LuJo: I promise, mate. I swear on me mother's grave.

former prowrestling.com reporter Matt Boone: You sure now? Last time you hurt my nose pretty bad.

LuJo: Cross my heart and stab my eyes if I lie, guvna. Ask away.

former prowrestling.com reporter Matt Boone: Ok. Cool. So...how do you feel about your match against the current Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion Death Gojira?

(Big pop for that.)

LuJo: Hmmmmm...

(Jones rears back and bitch slaps Matt Boone right across the mouth, and pushes him out of frame. He finishes the rest of his sandwich and looks at the camera.)

LuJo: That's about it. He's gonna get pimp slapped around the ring until he gives that belt to it's rightful owner...

...ME!

(The End.)

[Big Stan Wilson]

[Fade backstage into the America West Arena, where alone in the dark, Stan Wilson sits quietly wrapping the black tape around his right hand.]

Stan-Deja vu, isn't it Tanner? One more time...Phoenix...Tanner vs. Wilson. Except this time around, there's no title on the line. Nope, no championship belts, no number one contenderships, no nothing. Just two men...one ring...and a hell of a lot to prove. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that at this point and time right now, you're asking yourself, "What could I possibly have to prove?" Well how about for starters, the fact that you've yet to prove that you're half the man that you claim to be without Syberus or anyone else holding your hand every single step of the way? Or how about the fact that you've yet to prove that you're capable to standing toe to toe with me, and being my equal out in that ring? Hell, how about you just prove once and for all that you're even capable of beating me in your own hometown?

If you're watching this from your dressing room Tanner, just take a minute, take one single minute to listen to that crowd out there. Their hot. Their pumped. Their adrenaline is flowing. Their emotions are in overdrive. And we've yet to even reach the halfway point of the show. And do you know why they're so excited? Do you have the slightest clue as to why they're in a frenzy? I'll tell you why, Tanner. It's because of you. That's right, you're the reason the majority of those people are out there now. You drew them here. That's right, you did. And you should be damn proud of yourself for doing so.

But I've got to ask you something, Tanner. Do you truly know why they're so anxious to see you? Can you really begin to fathom the reason why their love for you has guided them to this arena? I'll tell you why. It's because they...want to see you...beat me. They want to see you walk that aisle, climb into that ring, and hand Stan Wilson the single most embarassing defeat of his entire career. Can you feel it Tanner? Can you feel the pressure? Can you feel the weight of the expectations beginning to ride solely on your shoulders to deliver? Because while inside your dressing room, you hear the roar of the hometownn crowd...inside mine...I hear nothing. Nothing except the echo of my own voice as it bounces off the walls of this empty room. Only silence...pure silence.

[Stan close his eye as he takes in the dead calm of the room.]

But I make this promise to you here and now, Tanner. If you don't hear the silence now, I'll make damn sure that you hear it after I'm done with you. Because tonight Tanner, every single ounce of energy that illuminates from that audience, every single ounce of passion and love that they show towards you tonight...I will sap it from their very bodies as they watch you, their hometown hero, be defeated yet again by the one man, THE ONE FUCKING MAN here this building tonight who can truthfully and honestly say that he doesn't even in the smallest sense give a shit about what they think of him. And you quote me on that.

Because tonight Tanner...I take back everything that has ever been taken away from me. Tonight Tanner...I begin my steps towards immortality.

[As Stan stands to his feet, he makes his exit from the room, where on the way he a familar voice catches his ear.]


"When Big Stan was THE MAN and I faced all odds against him early in my career... before you were even Little-Sorta Menacing-Willy... I marched over him and turned him into the glob he is today."

[A grimace begins to form on Stan's face...but suddenly, that grimace turns into a smile...followed the giant's echoing laughter as he begins his trek down the hallway.]

[Fade to Black.]

[Arizona's Most Wanted]

[Fade in to Adrian Tanner sitting in the Connection Locker room.]

Adrian: "Great, more talk from Stan. More useless bullshit from the crown prince of useless bullshit. Arent you tired of this game yet Stan? Arent you tired of saying one thing and then having me completely deteriorate your "arguement" about how and why your gonna beat me yet? Cause I sure am."

"Defeat me? Nigga please."

Adrian: "This is Phoenix motherfucker. You're mind-games arent gonna work with me. I run with Syberus remember? The king of mind-games, outside of maybe Cobryn."

[Shots of Cobryn punching retards in the face flash by]

Adrian: "I cant "do anything by myself," eh? Did I mention how I'm like 75-12? Do I have to mention the two heavyweight title runs? Or the world title contenders match where I beat YOU and two other losers?"

"Get this through your thick skull, Stan. I used to respect you. You used to be a monster. But now, your nothing more than Dracon Xanathos' bitch. And that's a sad, sad sight to behold.

Adrian: "Your right Stan, alot of things have changed since last time. You used to be somebody. And no matter how hard you try to convince yourself you are now, your not. Me? I'm in my hometown. I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm 1/2 of the REAL main event of the fed that YOU hold the "world title" for. And tonight, just like everyone else who's stood in my way and said "you cant." I'm gonna prove, Stan, that I can. I'm gonna prove you wrong. Don't get your panties in too much of a bunch though. "

"It's what I do."

"Right Bill?"

[FADE]

[~Hardkore Jonnie Valentine~]

Guillermo O'Bannon: Up next is a match between two established veterans, Tatsuya Arakawa. We have a small army of Japanese photographers here to cover it for Hardkore Nippon.

Phil Blauer: What else do they have to do?

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans has been moping around lately, since losing not only his tag team titles but his Double Hell Match with Death Gojira in Belfast, Northern Ireland.

Phil Blauer: Nothing sadder than seeing a fat man cry.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa isn't much happier, he didn't even get to have a match at Irish Rage in Belfast because the cowardly Cobryn and his partner Johnny Lee Harley attacked them before the match and shaved Cyrus head.

Phil Blauer: "The Cowardly Cobryn"? I smell a t-shirt. No, wait it's a little gamey. That's me.

("TRIBE!" by Mad Capsule Markets plays and the audience boos. Tatsuya Arakawa comes down to the ring followed by Tom Lux. Tom Lux clears a path for Arakawa, knocking away angry fans hands and signs. He sees a sign with a picture of a bald Cyrus Williams and rips it up)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa is a seasoned vet of mat wars in Japan and now comes here to avenge the name of his mentor and friend, Cyrus Williams.

Phil Blauer: Cyrus has friends?

Guillermo O'Bannon: That's what is says here on the prompter.

Yolanda Ando: Tatsuya wears black biker style tights with Japanese lettering for "Saikyo Terrorist" on the rear in blood red high black boots, Black TRACE kneepads, black wrist tape, plus two strands of black tape around his ring & middle finger on both hands.

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and a 30 minute time limit. Your referee is Ron Reid. Featuring first, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Tom Lux; From Shimo-tsuga-gun, Tochigi, Japan; Standing 6 feet 4 inches tall; Weighing 261 pounds...'SAIKYO TERRORIST' TATSUYA ARAKAWA!!!"

(The America West Arena boos, but Arakawa ignores them; stoically staring down the aisleway. Then "Black Betty" by Spiderbait plays and the crowd jumps to their feet. Kilroy Evans walks down to the aisle waving to them, then slides under the ring and jumps to the second rope)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans looking to get a singles win after going through a losing streak of late.

Phil Blauer: How many has he lost?

Guillermo O'Bannon: One tag team match, one title match?

Phil Blauer: Maybe he should talk to Tony Thunder or Blak Lung to get some perspective.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Have you ever tried to talk to Tony Thunder? He still says "gnarly" & "tubular".

Yolanda Ando: Kilroy Evans is wearing a black Mystery Science Theatre t-shirt with blue jeans short and a brown belt. He wears some red, white, & blue wristbands.

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "And his opponent, from Attbury, South Carolina; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall; Weighing 253 pounds...KILROY EVANS!!!"

(The crowd gives out the biggest pop of the night for Kilroy Evans as he waves back at them. Ron Reid signals for the bell)

Phil Blauer: Did I tell you about my latest acting gig?

Guillermo O'Bannon: I didn't know you were an actor?

Phil Blauer: Neither did I? But I recently did so well during my allocution at my recent trial, that my lawyer said I should get into pictures. He gets coke from the same guy Eric McCormick does, so he got me a shot on Will & Grace.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Wow, really?

Phil Blauer: Yup. I'm going to do the new thing us mainstream actors do. You see, I'm going to play a gay guy and really test my acting skills.

Guillermo O'Bannon: How does that make you a good actor?

Phil Blauer: Because I'm not going to seem gay at all. That's acting! Queer as Folk here I cum! Wait, how did I spell that?

(Guillermo slides his chair away from Phil)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa tags Kilroy Evans with a couple of thigh kicks, and then goes wild on him with a flurry of punches! He spins around with a uraken backhand!

(Kilroy Evans catches one of Arakawa's punches and wraps up his arm. Tatsuya tries to punch him with a left hand, but Kilroy catches that one as well)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans batters Arakawa with a series of headbutts, then drops down to his knees with a jawbreaker. Kilroy irish whips Arakawa into the ropes and karate chops him in the throat!

(Arakawa gets up and attempts to kick him but Kilroy Evans catches his boot. Tatsuya swings his other leg around into an inzuigiri! The audience boos)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa snap mares Kilroy over and then roundhouse kicks him a few times in the back that you can hear throughout the America West Arena. The Saikyo Terrorist then delivers a vicious axe kick to the back of his head.

(Tatsuya Arakawa irish whips Kilroy Evans into the corner so hard that he falls on his ass. Arakawa runs in with a running knee smash to his face! Kilroy's head bounces back off of the second turnbuckle)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa pulls Kilroy Evans up to his feet but The Attbury Assassin springs on him and bites his forehead! Arakawa screams in pain, and then Kilroy Evans lifts him up into a falcon arrow!!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...(Tatsuya Arakawa gets his shoulder up)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans irish whips Arakawa into the ropes and then drives him into the mat with a sidewalk slam! He pulls Arakawa up by the hair and Tatsuya hits him with a shotei palm strike. Kilroy stands there stunned until Arakawa floors him with a yakuza kick!

(The America West Arena boos Tatsuya Arakawa. He irish whips Kilroy Evans into the ropes and then hits him with a flying kneelift! He steps over Kilroy and then pulls back on his twisted arm)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa applies a kneeling wakigatame on Kilroy. Evans balls up his fist in pain as Arakawa pulls back on his arm with both hands. Kilroy finally hiptosses him over. Tatsuya Arakawa rushes him but Kilroy flips him over with a belly to belly suplex!

(The crowd cheers. Kilroy Evans steps over him with and sticks both of his fingers in Arakawa's eyes and sticks his thumb in to his mouth. The fans scream with joy as Arakawa kicks his feet in the mat in pain. Tom Lux screams at the Ron Reid to disqualify him)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans ties Arakawa in the second & top ropes. The crowd here in Phoenix applauds Tatsuya's position, then Kilroy Evans running spears him to the floor!! He slides under the ropes and then leans Arakawa against the ringpost. He backs up and then spears him again into the corner post!!

(Arakawa collapses to the floor and the fans pop for Kilroy Evans. He rolls Arakawa onto the apron, and then climbs up as well. Evans gets up and but Arakawa blocks a punch and hits him with a flurry of chops on the apron)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa DDTs Kilroy Evans off of the apron onto the floor!!

(The fans have to give it up for that move and applauds The Saikyo Terrorist! Evans rolls over and is busted open. Tatsuya Arakawa rolls him into the ring and then enters himself)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa drops him on the back of his head with a backdrop driver!! He rolls him over and makes the pin.

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Arakawa applies an anklelock, wraps his legs around Kilroy's thigh and then drops to the mat. Ron Reid checks in to see if he taps out, but Evans refuses as blood freely runs down his face.

(The audience boos Arakawa, while Tom Lux tells them to quiet down. Arakawa wrenches Evans foot to the side, and he cries out in pain. Evans works his way up to his feet and is hopping on one foot)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans smacks Arakawa upside the head with an inzuigiri! He lifts Tatsuya up in a suplex and then drives him facefirst into the mat with a dropsy gourdbuster! He irish whips Arakawa into the ropes and powerslams him!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tatsuya Arakawa kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans drops him on his head with a t-bone suplex! He climbs to the top rope, but Arakawa rolls out of the way!! He runs into the ropes and takes Kilroy off his feet with a rolling solebutt roundhouse kick!

(Tatsuya Arakawa applies a jujigatame to Kilroy Evans' arm. Ron Reid checks in to see if Kilroy wants to tap out. A small pool of blood forms where Kilroy's head rests)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa goes back to the arm with that cross arm scissors. Tom Lux is beating on the apron to root on his charge. Arakawa releases the jujigatame and pulls Kilroy up by his arm, and uses it to whip him into the ropes. He hooks him with an Aki Lariot!

(The crowd jeers and boos Arakawa. Arakawa pulls Kilroy up into a powerbomb but Kilroy rolls through on to his feet in front of Tatsuya. He kicks Arakawa in the gut and then double arm DDTs him! The fans pop as Kilroy steps over him and applies a camel clutch)

Guillermo O'Bannon: The grisly mess that is Kilroy Evans is pulling back on the head of Tatsuya Arakawa! That Mystery Science Theatre t-shirt is covered in blood, but it looks as though the Saikyo Terrorist is the one in trouble right now. Kilroy releases the camel clutch and pulls Arakawa to his feet...alabama slam!! Kilroy then flips over with his legs into a cradle!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Tatsuya Arakawa gets his shoulder up)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans irish whips him but Arakawa reverses the irish whip and sends Kilroy into the corner. He charges in with a Running Face Erasure Kick!

(Kilroy Evans staggers out of the corner and collapses facefirst to the mat. Blood leaks out from his large gash over his eye. Arakawa applies a guillotine choke and wraps his legs around Evans' torso)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa choking the life out of Kilroy Evans while his legs attempt to squeeze all the air out of his body.

Phil Blauer: That's a whole lot of body to squeeze. He needs three legs. Not my third leg though. That'd be weird.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Ron Reid tests Kilroy Evans' arm but he keeps it up in the air. Arakawa clamps down on Evans' windpipe with that powerful arm. But Kilroy doesn't tap much, and so Tatsuya releases the guillotine choke. He waistlocks him and hits a deadlift german suplex!!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy ducks under a leaping Gamengiri kick and knocks him silly with a jumping roundhouse kick! He gets behind Arakawa and applies a cobra clutch!

(Tatsuya Arakawa tries to fight out of it but Kilroy has it cinched in tight. Arakawa drops down to his ass for a jawbreaker, but Kilroy avoids his head. He locks on an on the mat version of the cobra clutch. Tom Lux tries to keep his client awake with his inccesant screaming)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans stomps his boot into the mat three times to load it.

Phil Blauer: Load it with what?

Guillermo O'Bannon: He borrowed Iron Shiek's boot.

Phil Blauer: So what's Iron Sheik wearing?

Guillermo O'Bannon: A wonder bread bag. A bloody Kilroy Evans runs and nails Tatsuya Arakawa in the head with his loaded boot! He covers Arakawa and hooks both legs!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tatsuya Arakawa kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans picks Arakawa up in a powerbomb but Arakawa takes him over with a flying head scissors! He gets behind him with a rear naked choke with a body scissors!

Phil Blauer: Arakawa seemingly obsessed with choking Kilroy out!

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans arms flailing wildly as he reaches out for the ropes. If he doesn't get to them soon, this match will be over.

(The Phoenix crowd boos Arakawa. Kilroy Evans rolls over on to his side and grabs on to the bottom rope. Ron Reid asks Arakawa to break the hold. He doesn't, so Reid gives him a five count)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Come on, break the damn hold!

Phil Blauer: Easy, Cole.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa finally does but the damage is done. He lifts Kilroy Evans up into a MASSIVE bomb!! He cradles the legs!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...thr- (Kilroy Evans lifts his shoulder)

(Audience applauds Kilroy Evans' tenacity. Arakawa waits for Kilroy Evans to get up and then runs at him with an STO Bomber)

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Kilroy Evans kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans stands up and is knocked silly with a Gamengiri kick that sends him through the ropes to the floor!

(Audience gasps at the sound the kick makes against Kilroy Evans' bloody skull. Tatsuya Arakawa steps through the ropes and Tom Lux calls him over for a conference)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa getting some advice from his manager.

Phil Blauer: You would think they would have gone over this before the match.

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans runs up behind Arakawa and piggybacks on to his back, driving his face into the ringpost!

(Fans roar, and Kilroy Evans pulls a now bleeding Arakawa's head into his legs. He piledrives him on the concrete!! Tatsuya leaves a blood stain where his head hit the America West Arena floor)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans on fire now and rolls Arakawa into the ring. He climbs to the top rope and comes off with a flying elbow!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tatsuya Arakawa kicks out)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans powerbombs Arakawa!! He cradles the legs!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...(Tatsuya Arakawa gets his shoulder up)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Arakawa grabs Kilroy by the shirt and strikes him with a couple high Muay Thai style kneelifts to the stomach, and ends the combo with a kneelift to jaw! Kilroy sits up but Arakawa comes off the ropes with a TAK soccer style kick to his chest! He lifts him up with a vertical drop brainbuster, but Kilroy falls behind him with a Bad Touch!!

(The audience leaps to their feet. Kilroy Evans back suplexes Tatsuya Arakawa into a piledriver)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Kilroy Evans hits his Blue Thunder Driver!!

Referee Ron Reid: 1...2...3!!!

(The bell rings and the America West Arena cheers the Attbury Assassin. Tom Lux slaps his hand to his forehead. "Black Betty" by Spiderbait plays over the PA system)

"Wild" Bill Kasal: "At 17 minutes 51 seconds, THE WINNER OF THE MATCH...KILROY EVANS!!!"

(The fans jeer as a bleeding Tatsuya leaves the ring with his manager holding his arm in the air for victory. Kilroy Evans celebrates on the second rope waving to the cheering fans)

Guillermo O'Bannon: Tatsuya Arakawa came at Kilroy Evans, who must still be feeling the effects of that barbed wire hell match in Northern Ireland, with a stiff Japanese style that you could hear throughout this arena. But Kilroy was able to pull it out at the end.

Phil Blauer: It'll be interesting to see if Death Gojira suffers from the same weakness in his Hardkore America title match with Lucifer Jones later on tonight.

[Punisher]

Former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: After some searching, I’ve found “The Punisher” Dan Stein, and of all things, he seems to be searching through a garbage dumpster. Punisher…

[Stein throws Boone a wary glance.]

DS: Make it quick. Remember what Lucifer Jones did to you? Well, if you don’t hurry up and ask your damn question, I’m going to slap you like he did, then go beat the shit out of him for coming up with it first.

Boone: What are you doing here?

DS: Looking for Rally Jackson. What the hell does it look like?

[Boone stares puzzled as Domino slides up next to Boone.]

DOM: Hi, Matt! You are looking so SEXY tonight!

[Boone blushes as Stein continues to look through the trash.]

Former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Um, hi. How are you?

DOM: You look uncomfortable. Are you OK? Let me make you more comfortable.

Former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I’m fine.

[Stein sees Boone struggle against Domino’s feminine wiles, and stops searching in the trash.]

DS: Boone, are you gay? Honest to God! You got this hot-ass brunette groping you, and you seem to be more comfortable with those 2 fags from High Maintenance than this woman here.

Former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: I most certainly am not gay!

[In an act of desperation, Boone grabs Domino and gives her a big, wet kiss. Domino backs off with a look of disgust on her face.]

DOM: You’re not going to convince anyone of being straight with that.

[Stein laughs hardily.]

DS: Best shit I’ve heard all night.

[Stein continues to dig through the trash.]

DS: Hey, I think I might have found Rally!

Former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Really?!

[Stein, halfway into the garbage, pulls out a blow-up doll. It looks like a fatty blow-up doll with black wool hair. And spaghetti on its neck.]

DS: I was close. It was Andrew Karnage’s date for the night. I feel bad for him, with all these ‘roid allegations going on. If Jonnie starts testing, Karnie’s going to glow green just from the test. Rally told me all about you. He says you've been experimenting with gamma radiation.

Former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: Is that right?

DS: Of course not, stupid. I don't think so anyway...

[Stein pauses and shrugs his shoulders, then continues to dig.]

DS: Wow, maybe I was wrong, maybe this is his date right here…

[Stein pulls out a sheep blow-up doll, big mouth at all.]

DS: Damn! That’s…just…wrong...

[Stein jumps back, as something moves in the garbage.]

DS: What the?!

[Out of the dumpster, a midget pops up.]

DS: Goddammit, I thought you were a rat. What the hell were you doing in here? Eating out with your plastic dates?!

[Stein, realizing that he was still holding the latex sheep and that the midget in front of him may have been "visiting" with it, quickly drops it and brushes his hands off as though he had just touched nuclear waste.]

Midget: I…I…I was hiding from Cobryn!

DS: What for?

Midget: I heard he’s been beating up the vertically challenged as of late, and I saw him walking the corridor. I didn’t want to get beat up!

DS: No, no, no. Mentally challenged, not vertically challenged. It’s retards! Not midgets! Jesus Christ! Now get the hell out of here before I start beating up midgets myself!

[The midget quickly jumps out of the dumpster, blow-up sheep in hand as he leaves.]

Boone: Hmm, you don’t see that every day.

DS: I think Andy Karnie’s going to be pissed someone stole his sheep.

Former prowrestling.com internet reporter Matt Boone: So what then, if you can’t find Rally Jackson, are you going to do?

DS: Well, I don’t think it’s as unbalanced as you think. After all, we can’t even be certain that Hungleberries is actually wrestling, or just sitting there like he always does, looking like some blowhard prick in a promo, wrestling one match, then disappearing for months at a time. Let’s face it- no one’s sure anymore if you’re here or not. You have had more comebacks than anyone in history, that it now lists Hunglestein in the dictionary as a secondary definition of “flake”. So are you here or aren’t you?

[Stein smiles.]

DS: If you don’t pull a Hunglestein, it’ll be game on. And I’m so hoping you are here so I can take your smug ass and beat it into the ground. That would be nice. And if Karnie the Bloated can make it to the ring without blowing a quad, then by God, maybe then we can have ourselves a match. Even without Rally, it will be a tag match, you two against me and this…

[Stein pulls out the Peacemaker.]

DS: The best part is, I have it all planned out. I beat you both singlehandedly, become the first man to singlehandedly capture both tag titles at the same time. Then I can finally give a title shot to the Connection so I can lend them that shred of credibility they have been begging for since they got here. The Dan Stein and In Absentia Rally Jackson Tag Team Era has begun, people.

[Stein looks in the dumpster.]

DS: What a great day. Look what I found!

[Stein pulls out a book entitled “Stein’s Book of Connection jokes”.]

DS: I sent this thing to Cobryn. Why did he throw it? It’s genius writing!

[Boone grabs it from Stein to examine it. As he opens it, he notices that many of the pages have been torn out and as he turn to page 34, a pile of steaming brown matter stares at him. Stein laughs and Domino looks on, disgusted.]

DS: Hmm. He did find good use for it after all.

[Fade out.]

[The Shootfighter]

(The Shootfighter is still watching the highlights of the Arakawa/Kilroy match. He stands motionless constantly until Matt Boone comes up to him.)

Matt Boone: "Shootfighter can I get some comments from you about your upcoming match with Zach Daniels."

The Shootfighter: "Zach Daniels. I have to admit that I was a bit impressed with his debut and tonight he shall see if he is actually worthy for the West Coast Title Match given to him by Jonnie alentine."

Matt Boone: "He almost defeated you the last time in Rage In Belfast."

The Shootfighter: "Yeah but this time it's different because I know what he can do and he knows what I can do. Yet I believe that he's probably going to need help just to win the title. Would it not be any surprise. I think not."

Matt Boone: "You think he'll really need help."

The Shootfighter: "You think Syberus won without any when I had him beat."

Matt Boone: "I think so."

(The Shootfighter takes off his dark shades revealling a look of anger.)

The Shootfghter: "Either you were looking at another match or you're just plain blind. Someone with a Lucifer Jones mask attacked me from behind. Now either you didn't see that or you suffer from selective amnesia. Which is it?"

Matt Boone: "I don't know."

The Shootfighter: "That's what I thought. You're stupid, blind and selectively amnesiac! I saw someone interfere and my arm was placed in a cast! Does that ring a bell!"

Matt Boone: "Yes."

The Shootfighter: "Then maybe you'll remember the next time you watch a match and then ask something more intelligent then Blauer's stupid replies to stupid to his own stupid questions."

Matt Boone: "He doesn't do that...Okay not totally."

The Shootfighter: "Back to Daniels. I wouldn't be surpriesed if he or his relative Nick Knight, who if Zach and he would recall, I complimented him on his showing against that foul mouthed Cyrus Williams. Yet this is what I get for that huh. Well Daniels your little mindgames are going to backfire. They always do when I face an opponent. Nobody plays that with me and expects mercy. I don't give that and I don't accept that. Daniels the worst night is coming and you can't stop it.
I shall defeat you soundly and resolutely."

Matt Boone: "I'm sure he's listening. anyway what's so interesting about the Arakawa/Evans match."

The Shootfighter: "Just an interested party watching the outcome. It's non of your business."

Matt Boone: "Okay."

(The Shootfighter leaves before he can ask anymore questions.)

[The Heel]

[The scene opens up with Cobryn... punching midgets in the face....]

[Arizona's Most Wanted]

[Fade into the Connection's locker room.]

Adrian: "Hey, Dan Stein mentioned us."

Syberus: "Who?"

Adrian: "Dan Stein, that guy you beat a couple months ago."

Syberus: "I've beaten alot of people."

Adrian: "The one who got pissed on by Lucifer Jones."

[People who've been pissed on by Lucifer Jones shouldnt talk about "credibility."]

Syberus: "Oh, him. Why do we care?"

Adrian: "We don't. I just thought I'd mention it."

Syberus: "Ah, right."

Adrian: "Keep trying, Stein. I'm sure someday you'll say something interesting."

Syberus: 'Until then."

[Fade]