Hardkore World Title Holders

There is a line of people against the wall. Twenty people dressed in the black bodygloves that Warhammer's Shocktroopers wear under their carapace armor. They are blindfolded and their hands are bound and linked in a long flowing chain.

Another line of five Shocktroopers stand in front of them. They are in black armor with red Xs on their shoulders that appear to be brushed on with blood.

"The Brain" Allen Anderson walks between the two lines, leaving heavily on his globe-topped cane. He casts scathing glances at the blindfolded Shocktroopers, despite the fact that they cannot see him.

Anderson: "All I asked from you people was a little bit of security. To keep my enemies out of the meeting designed to help me defeat my enemy in Kilroy Evans. Not only did he get into the meeting, but HE CAME IN AS A *BEEP*ING EMPLOYEE!!!"

As Anderson screams this last part, spittle flies from his mouth, his face goes beet red, and the veins in his temple stand out like cords.

Anderson: "This is the reason that you will all be shot! Tarrasque will be training in seclusion and be without his precious food. You will all be shot by five of Warhammer's Internal Security Shocktroopers!"

You can see more than a couple of the condemned mouth the word "I.S.S." And take on a more fearful aspect. Anderson grins.

Anderson: "Good. Then you recall that they are good enough shots that they can Robocop this execution out despite your lack of real body armor like Murphy had. You will all beg for death, but none will come until you bleed out your last. Until the pain of dying makes you really understand what you have done to fail me."

Anderson steps out of the line of fire and laughs most cruelly.

Anderson: "This is going to be almost as fine as the day that my beast breaks the neck of Kilroy Evans once and for all and wins me the Hardkore World title. Ready! Aim! Fire!"

The five Shocktroopers ready their weapons, but then turn them on Anderson. He holds out his hands, a sudden panic rising.

Anderson: "Wait! Wait! WAIT!!!"

Paintballs fly fast and thick, pelting Anderson until he looks like he had been spooged on by an over-excited rainbow. He drops to his knees, howling in pain and asking why.

One of the Shocktroopers walks over and helps Anderson to his feet. He motions for the other Shocktroopers to be cut loose and released. He turns back to Anderson and pulls off his helmet. Anderson's eyes go wide with fright.

Anderson: "No...you couldn't have."

Kilroy Evans hits Anderson with the Bad Touch. He grins as Anderson lays on the ground yet again.

Evans: "Could have and did."

He turns to the others. "Next, we break out Tarrasque. Then? It's party time!"

The others file out, but Kilroy remains behind. He leans down and slaps Anderson until he stirs.

Evans: "You let this be a clean match. You hear me. You now know I can always get to you. Warhammer simply doesn't care about security unless you're really high up, and that you ain't."

Anderson mumbles. "Right."

Kilroy smiles. "Good! See you, later. We'll have Tarrasque back by...sometime!"

Kilroy leaves the room, Anderson slowly sits up and attempts to wipe off his face. It is a horrible failure. He curses, but doesn't attempt to stand.

Anderson: "Kilroy Evans. You. Will. Pay. For. This."

The Hillbilly Assassins Blog: No Title Defense is Official Until it's Determined in a Best of Seven Series or How Dare You Bobby Nowa.

*With notations from Warwick Von Silverstein, Esquire

The world is coming to an end my dear followers of Yorlik. The signs of the times are near and Yorlik is not happen. That evil bastard Kilroy Evans and his army of darkness is bringing for the prophecy of doom and Armageddon as prophesied by the ancient Mayans and Nostradamus, and thusly my dear followers of Yorlik the Almighty we must stand tight and united as darkness falls over our once great land. But fear not, as Yorlik is a fair deity, all that follow him shall still receive their million dollars, albeit it may be in the form of rupees or pesos as Kilroy Evans and his conspirators in the corporate state devalue our currencies even further to make you the true believers more dependent on the evil corporate state that has intertwined with what we used to know as a government. Kilroy has the power of the greatest championship in the whole wide galaxy around is chubby belly and he and his ilk of evil will see that, I, the harbinger of truth and glory shall never hold that power source again, but fear not my dear friends, we shall overcome this evil and fight that evil bastard Kilroy Evans from bringing down civilization as we no it.

Note from Warwick- None of the above can be proven with “facts” or “evidence”, but it can not be dis-proven either.

And does that evil bastard feel that his so called world championship is legitimate? First and foremost both of his so called victories were under very dubious circumstances. The evil bastard had to beat me the only way he could and that was by way of crook and possibly even a hook or two. Now he defends the most prestigious title in all the land against a semi literate talking ape, which happens to be the same talking ape that landed that evil bastard my world championship in the first place. Talking about you scratch my back I'll pierce yours with a fork pick. There is no way ape boy walks out with the championship at Palm Springs. None. Nada. That wasn't part of the deal and ape boys handlers know it. The cards are stacked against him, but alas Kilroy needs to slay a monster. Any monster. And this month it's ape boy. He's got to look legit in front of those who still believe that he is some sort of good guy that doesn't poison candy or mixes glass shards into sandboxes at the park.


Note from Warwick- James did recently step on a large piece of glass while playing in a sandbox at a local park, and claims it was Kilroy Evans or one of his operatives. Again, this can not be proven, but it cannot be one hundred percent disproven either. When I asked why he was playing in a sandbox I was informed it was for the national sandcastle building contest in Myrtle Beach, I did not question him any further.


Now some may say that the High Prophet of Yorlik has been distracted lately, and that I haven't focused at whats really important and thats destroying evil and its harbinger Kilroy Evans, and let me say to these naysayers that Skyrim is worth defending against Alduin and his quest to enslave the Nords. I won't be stopped in my quests, neither in Skyrim nor here on Earth. Evil must be struck down no matter its location.

Note from Warwick- It's an addiction I am afraid. He plays twenty three hours a day, with the left over hour being used to cleanse himself. On the positive side James has been training for the upcoming Bratwurst and Mountain Dew Code Red Competitive Eating Contest in Huntington, WV. Small steps.

Bobby Nowa has some nerve. He really does. He has insulted me three times too many and I refuse to take it any longer. Sure he's facing me in the biggest match in his life, and who would blame him for talking himself up in the press. I remember when I was a young up and comer and made the mistake of having diarrhea of the mouth, but Bobby is doing to the wrong Veteran. I'm not some afterthought that got bumped down the card to put over a rookie thats still wet behind the years and Bobby is soon to find that out, but first I demand he changes his name, and changes it now. You see Bobby, Nowa sounds too much like the Mandarin word for awesome, and as you should now by now I have a GIANT following in China and am dearly beloved by ninety-seven percent of the population who have reference me as Awesome Fierce for many, many years. I'd hate to see confusion in the market place, especially amongst my most devoted following. So for the remainder of your career, which by my estimation shall be over briefly, after you are carried to another James Fierce Five Star Classic, you will be referred to as Bobby Noowa, which is Mandarin for Chubby Panda that masturbates on bamboo. Now that that has been settled you should really focus on keeping my name off your chubby panda lips and start studying my long and decorated career. In there you will see at least twenty-two or twenty-three five star classics that may give you some sort of glimpse on what it takes to get a move or two in on the High Prophet of the Great and Almighty Yorlik.

Note from Warwick- Bobby Nowa has not mentioned James' name once in the previous month that I can find, but I have been linked to www.martydonovanismyhero.com/forum article in which a friend of a friend who is Bobby's third cousin twice removed said that Bobby was talking some major crap. I do not know Mandarin, but James has spent a good amount of time in China and does speak to many Chinese people on a regular basis. I can not confirm if he is actually talking their language or if they are just being polite and humoring a very large man from West Virginia who may resemble characters from their folklore.

My last thought goes out to my dear, dear friend Marty. I stand with you in your attempts to lead the blind from behind the iron curtain that has been drawn by the Kilroy Evans back promoter Syberus. No longer shall they, the little people, not have a voice that doesn't speak for their best interest. Marty is a hero to many, and this cause shall bring more into the fold. One a side note, I had your banner maker take ten lashes for the misspelling of Yorlik, which as you know is a sin against the Great and Almighty Yorlik. The good news is he now realizes his mistake and shan't be making it again.

Note from Warwick- The following statement does not implicate my client in the flogging of one David Manning, and shall be taken as pure coincidence.


Palms Spring Punishment will have reckoning, and Kilroy Evans will prevail against his monster retarded ape. But fear not my dear fellow believes, the High Prophet of Yorlik shall prevail and the light shall once again start its quest at dethroning that evil bastard usurper Kilroy Evans...


But then again, what do I know?

I'm Just Fierce.

(Camera zooms in on Bobby Nowa & Colin Mullen in Nowa’s garage)

Bobby Nowa: Shocking, just absolutely shocking isn’t it? I say what I plan on doing and then I go out and do it. One match into my return and I’ve already had my hand raised in victory. Took my lumps in the match, but nonetheless I came away victorious.

Colin Mullen: I’ll have to say, I was impressed with the resiliency you showed in the ring, but to be honest, you’ve still. . .

Bobby Nowa: I know what I’ve got to do, don’t worry about me. This isn’t your same silly shenanigan Bobby.

(There’s a knock at the garage door)

Bobby Nowa: Father Christmas??

(Colin opens the garage door to Fed Ex guy)

Fed Ex Guy: I've got a package here for Bobby Nowa. . .

Bobby Nowa: THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!!!!!!

Colin Mullen: What the hell is this?

Bobby Nowa: Open it! Open it!

(Colin opens the box to reveal a pogo stick, Bobby runs and grabs it)

Bobby Nowa: POGO TIME!

Colin Mullen: Get off that thing, you’re going to hurt yourself or me.

Bobby Nowa: No way, this is how I’m cutting this promo. Listen, I proved already that I can still win a big match, so why not just trust me on this one?

(Colin shrugs his shoulders as Bobby continues)

Bobby Nowa: Jimmy Fierce. . .you act like I don’t know who you are or what you’ve accomplished in your career? It was just a mere two years ago that saw you upset Matthew X at Palm Springs Punishment. Don’t think I haven’t seen the tapes of your time spent in SWAT as Caribbean Champion or the time you spent in UCW teaming with Soutter. I’ve done my homework, the question we should really be asking is, did you? Colin, would you be ever so kind to read me off some of those humdingers.

(Colin begins to quote Fierce’s blog)

Colin Mullen:

(Bobby jumps off the pogo stick and gets a deep cold look on his face)

Bobby Nowa: Let’s start by looking at the mistakes you’ve made as of late, excluding your multiple failed attempts to take down the legend of Kilroy Evans. Your little blog has quite a few errors, this is by no means the biggest match of my life; granted it’s the next step I need to take in getting what I want in my life. I’ve been in classic and epic matches all over the globe, with none of them being short of outstanding.

Colin Mullen:

Bobby Nowa: That actually sounds about right . . . good call Mr. Fierce.

Colin Mullen:

Bobby Nowa: Hmm, to be honest that has me slightly intrigued . . . get to his lies!!

Colin Mullen:

Bobby Nowa: There, there . . . stop right there. Where in the hell do you get the nerve to tell me I have diarrhea of the mouth? Do I look like some Platinum Pat Bozzini wannabe? That would the last thing I’d ever want to be. I don’t have some type of soliloquy or proclamation to make every 2 weeks. Furthermore, last time I checked I was not a young up and comer. I’m not sure if you get your facts from the Microshocker’s computer, but I’ve been around for quite some time. Longer than you even, “the Veteran” as you like to refer yourself to. You may be a veteran with a long line of accolades, but before you enter the ring, you better recognize what you’re up against.

Colin Mullen:

Bobby Nowa: I’m assuming wet behind the years is some type of honkytonk version of wet behind the ears. Let me reiterate to you that I made my Hardkore World debut in 1997. It’s been 15 years of competing whether it was here, whether it was in Japan, Canada, Mexico or even Midwest. I’ve been stealing the shows spanning all over the globe. I believe you need to get your facts straight, forget about Kilroy and your past and start focusing on the task at hand. If you think this is going to be a match you’re just gonna piss away, then you showing up would be more pointless than a Pat Bozzini promo.

Colin Mullen: You just took two shots at Pat Bozzini in one promo, completely unprovoked.

Bobby Nowa: Unprovoked, maybe; unnecessary? Nah! Unfortunately that’s one thing I have in common with Mr. Fierce, I really can’t stand that guy; he is my melatonin though, puts me right to sleep in a matter of seconds.

Colin Mullen: That is completely true.

Bobby Nowa: Let’s go to Chipotle.

(Colin and Bobby leave as the camera fades out)

[In the kitchen of stately Evans manor, Emily Evans is humming contentedly to herself. For on this bright, lovely summer's day she is preparing a fresh salad just the way she likes it. Finally completing her mini-masterpiece she picks it up and heads out of the kitchen...only to fling it over her head and shriek as she's suddenly face-to-face with a Warhammer Shocktrooper!]

Emily Evans: JEEEEZ-US!

[The woman who just screamed that is a law school grad and practicing attorney. People pay her quite a bit of money for her time and expertise. So naturally, her husband Kilroy, the laughing bastard who just removed his Shocktrooper helmet, loves getting those kinds of reactions out of her.]

Kilroy Evans: Hey! Guess where I've been!

Emily Evans: Was it to the closet for a dustpan? To sweep up the salad you just ruined?

[Kilroy is about to answer when he sees her face. He darts away and returns with said dustpan. She grabs it away and starts cleaning.]

Kilroy Evans: Sorry, I didn't know you'd have food.

Emily Evans: Revenge will be swift.

Kilroy Evans: Huh?

Emily Evans: So where were you?

Kilroy Evans: Warhammer Corp Shocktrooper School! You are now looking at a certified member of an evil organization's shady security force! I've joined the ranks of corrupt ex-cops, disgraced military personnel, and all manner of mooks! It's like the United Colors of Benetton, but for henchmen!

[Emily hands the dustpan back over to Kilroy who puts it away. He joins Emily back in the kitchen, where she now works on making a new salad.]

Emily Evans: Having fun over there?

Kilroy Evans: HAIL HYDRA! I mean, yeah. I always wondered what it would be like to join SPECTRE, and now I know!

Emily Evans: *smirking* Well it's always nice to see dreams come true. But shouldn't you be getting ready for your match?

Kilroy Evans: Normally, you'd be right. But these two things are connected.

[Without needing to be told, Kilroy hands over sliced cucumbers and dices tomotaoes to Emily.]

Emily Evans: Uh-huh. Is this going to be like when you tried to explain why you wanted all of Joan's classmates to come over the weekend you just so happened to get hold of a dog sled?

Kilroy Evans: No! Well...no, this is totally different! I mean, I'm totally having fun running around Warhammer---and I am so close to getting transferred to the volcano lair---but it's serving a purpose.

Emily Evans: Oh?

Kilroy Evans: I am running interference.

[Emily looks at him, eyebrow arched. She returns to her salad.]

Emily Evans: It sounds more like you're trying to keep him distracted before the match to keep him off balance and maintain an advantage.

Kilroy Evans: ...sort of. I'm running interference against Allen Anderson for Tarrasque.

[Kilroy hands over some carrots and black olives that are nearby.]

Kilroy Evans: I saw what was going on. Anderson's not letting Tarrasque prepare for the match the way he wants, I feel like it's my duty to step in and make sure he's got the chance to prep for the title match how he wants to. He's the one who's putting himself on the line, not Anderson. Tarrasque's on thart list of people for me who are cool and deserve my respect. How could I not?

Emily Evans: Even if he plans on ripping you apart in the match?

Kilroy Evans: Especially so! I want him to do the best ripping he can. Warhammer can surround the ring if they want, but Anderson's wrong if he thinks he can force a favorable outcome. Because if Tarrasque beats me, it'll be Tarrasque's big win. Not Anderson's. Tarrasque's. And that'll fine by me, 'cause the only way that's happening is over my dead body. And I'll be deceased then, so what'll I care?!

[Smiles his the amazingly discomforting smile he's known for while he giggles at the thought. Emily, now with her newly prepped salad, kisses him on the cheek.]

Kilroy Evans: You enjoy your salad. I've got to find a place for this somewhere.

[Kilroy holds up a framed picture. It's a photo of him in the Shocktrooper outfit, helmet cradled in the crook of his arm. Emblazoned on the top is "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH."]

Emily Evans: I'll leave you to it. Hey, what's that?

[Kilroy detaches something from his waist clip.]

Kilroy Evans: Stun gun. Standard issue for some reason.

[Emily takes it and looks it over. She then quikcly turns it on and jabs it into Kilroy's neck. He goes down like a ton of bricks out of shot and she smiles down at him.]

Kilroy Evans: *out of shot* Was that the revenge?

Emily Evans: Mm-hmm.

Kilroy Evans: *out of shot* Fair enough. I know how salads are serious business for you. Ungh...tell you what, I'm just gonna hang out here for a bit. I'll see about joining you out there once the neurons reconnect and let me move limbs again.

Emily Evans: *sweetly* Okay then. Don't take too long.

Kilroy Evans: *out of shot* Or what? You zap me with a stun gun?

[They both share a genuine laugh as Emily leaves. There's silence.]

Kilroy Evans: *out of shot* God, I love that woman.

[The shot fades out.]

Kilroy Evans *voice over* Oh wait. Stun gun...Shocktrooper...I totally get it now! Ha, awesome!

[End.]

<Bobby Nowa is shown watching TV in his home and jotting down notes>

Bobby Nowa: This is it! Found it!

<Old Clip of Bobby Nowa and Marko Valentino is shown on the set of "The Big Ragoo" Jo Jo Sushi's Barbershop>

Bobby Nowa: Hahaha I'm priceless.

Bobby Nowa: Bravo to me. Bravo. I needed to go back and make sure I was a ruthless and arrogant son of a bitch years ago. You see, I listened to what that Kennedy guy had to say in Seattle. When he was out there whining and crying because he couldn't get over with any of his failed gimmicks or whatever. Then he had the nerve to call me a douche bag for standing him up not once but twice. I had one of the greatest tag team partners of all time in Marko Valentino, but due to the Starf*ckers naming rights lawsuit ;that Hardkore Johnnie V said we were the true owners of by the way; Marko and I began to drift apart, and the only way I could get a clean break from him was to leave him for dead like I did on Jo Jo Sushi's Barbershop. I guess what I'm getting at is, if I didn't want to tag with Valentino, why in God's name would I want to team with a jobber like you? The reason I didn't show was because I thought you plain sucked. I still do to this very day. No matter which was you spin it, whether it be a gothic freak, a homo on stilts, or a Wild Cherokee Indian, you're still a nobody, still a never was.

<Nowa flips through his notepad and jots something down>
Bobby Nowa: The sad thing is, you really do have the potential to be something. Taking cheap shots at me though is gonna get you nowhere fast pal.

<Nowa rips out a sheet he's been writing on and folds it up, then places it into his pocket>

Bobby Nowa: You may have noticed that there hasn't been one mention of my opponent at Palm Springs Punishment, Jimmy Fierce. No mention of Tommy Tough of Eddie Extreme either. You've grown silent my friend. I have to say, I was looking forward to a rebuttal on your misguided information you shared with the world last week. Is it that you've finally learned what I already knew? The end draws near for you shortly in Palm Springs. Your whole career is about to snowball out of control. Soon, you'll be having Six Way Dances with the Queen Express & El Hombre Murcie'Lago in a Greenville, Alabama Barn. Wow, I apologize, I just pictured that; even you shouldn't be degraded to that torture.
Will we I be hearing from you soon? NOWAdays, they say silence is golden, but I beg to differ; silence speaks volumes for the cowardice inside of us all.

<camera fades out>

[Fade in to Rally Jackson charming his snake.]

Rally Jackson: ::whipes his brow:: Bruno you took me to hell and back. blah blah blah. I respect the shit out of you yadda yadda yadda. You're a "real up and comer" ::holds up his two fingers in quotes as he says this:: That was truly the toughest fight of my life and I swear to you I'm not being sarcastic when I'm telling you that.

[He slows down the charming of his snake.]

Rally Jackson: In pro wrestling, one guy wins and one guy loses. Almost only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades. You can take that moral victory where you *had me pinned* when the ref was down or I beat you because I *hit you with your belt*.

But I'm not going to sugarcoat things bro. Watch some pro wrestling tapes. Losing after you pin a guy when the ref's down, getting hit with a foreign object, that shit is about as common in pro wrestling as a suplex.

To say you only lost because the ref was down is equivalent to saying you lost because the sky was blue. It just is what it is. This shit happens in this business and you should know that. Maybe some day the ref will be down when you're getting pinned.

The cream rises to the top and the better wrestlers are the ones that understand there is more to a pro wrestling match than what happens in the confines of the rules. The better wrestler is the one that can roll with the punches and win despite the ref being down and having the wherewithall to know what to do when there's a belt sitting in front of you.

So take your moral victory if you want, but you simply lost in one of the most common ways a fighter loses in this business. So take that moral victory with a grain of salt.

[Rally starts petting his snake.]

Rally Jackson: And Snake Charmer, I mean who the fuck are you?

Is this shit serious? This bitch's name is Snake Charmer?

Kid says he'll be more than happy to 'clam the Hardkore America Title.'

Well which is it? You charm snakes or bake clams?

Yeah, I'll shine the belt up real nice for you. I'll charm my snake all over it.

[We fade as a myspace pic of Yuko Shiro goes up and Rally's snake goes limp.]

We open to our hero and his trusted sidekick sitting on the porch of his compound in West Virginia. We see a few hounds laying about, a group of kids racing on hogs in the background, Dread (James' farmhand) ploying up some dirt for the sake of ploying up dirt; which James has decreed that his dirt must be tilled and ployed on a every other day basis to keep the dirt nice and aerated just in case he happens to fall in and get stuck, one wouldn't want James to get stuck in a pile of dirt would they? Of course they wouldn't. Outside of the hooping and holloring of youths riding on hogs and an occassional swear by Dread, we hear James and Warwick in a somewhat heated discussion. It could be Geo-politics. It could be weather. It could them debating the merits of National Socialism. It could be weather or not James can find a toe by the end of the day ( he can). But its not. Those could be entertaining conversations. Instead we get...

James Fierce: Are you sure?

Warwick Von Silverstein: Yes, I swear to it.

James Fierce: You would think I would remember such a thing.

Warwick Von Silverstein: You don't remember a lot of things you should.

James Fierce: Like what?

Warwick Von Silverstein: Like where you live.

James Fierce: Just because I go into a wrong house and sleep in someone else's bed doesn't mean I don't know where I live.

Warwick Von Silverstein: The Phillips didn't seem to pleased.

James Fierce: I guess they didn't. But they both seemed happen until the lights came on.

Warwick Von Silverstein: Indeed they did.

James Fierce: And if it were such a big deal why didn't you say anything?

Warwick Von Silverstein: It's hard to speak with a gag ball in place.

James Fierce: Heh, that Mrs. Phillips sure is a freak.

Warwick Von Silverstein: Unfortunately so is Mr. Phillips.

[Rim shot.]

James Fierce: Damn it Dread, I thought I told you to get rid of that thing.

[The scene goes to Dread pushing a ploy, which happens to have symbol attached to it.]

Warwick Von Silverstein: But as I was saying, you were in a promotion called SWAT. You were the kingpin of the Caribbean.

James Fierce: I need proof.

Warwick Von Silverstein: Damn it James we just watched at least fifteen matches, and here is you SWAT Caribbean championship that you never lost.

[Warwick hands James the SWAT Caribbean Championship.]

James Fierce: I still don't know...

Warwick Von Silverstein: It has your name engraved on it.

[JAMES FIERCE is shown on the name plate.]

James Fierce: Well, I guess. You'd think I'd remember such events though.

Warwick Von Silverstein: Yes you would.

James Fierce: How did the Panda Pleaser know all this?

Warwick Von Silverstein: I'm guess he may have been in the company at the time. That or the internet.

James Fierce: DAMN YOU INTERNETS! You strike again.

Warwick Von Silverstein: James... most of your fans are off the Internet.

James Fierce: I must save them and tell them of the Great and Almighty Yorlik.

Warwick Von Silverstein: I'm pretty sure they're aware of Yorlik, www.DeityFinder.com is how I found you.

James Fierce: Wait... You found me, the Prophet of the Great and Almighty Yorlik off of some internet deity site? It feels so... so...

Warwick Von Silverstein: Cheap.

James Fierce: I was going to go with awesome.

Warwick Von Silverstein: Practically synonymous.

[Dread with the rim shot.]

James Fierce: More plowing less rim shots!

Warwick Von Silverstein: What an odd phrase.

James Fierce: Happens, I guess. But Wally, you got to help me understand something with that magical midget brain of yours. What is Panda Pleaser trying to say? And why did he feel the need to bring in a film crew to say it? And why in sam hell did I have to hear him whine and moan about me not giving him the attention that he craves?

Warwick Von Silverstein: To answer your questions in order... I have no clue what he was trying to get across to be honest, it was sort of babble and gibberish and the fact that he used the very lazy and tried technique of using old films really didn't help his cause at all. If anything he added nothing to your match up, which sadly means that you'll have to work three times as hard to make the match more interesting because he apparently does not know how. To answer your second question I believe he has never figured out youtube...

James Fierce: You mean youporn.

Warwick Von Silverstein: No, I mean Youtube.

James Fierce: Are you...

Warwick Von Silverstein: I'm positive.

James Fierce: I guess your the one with the magical midget brain.

Warwick Von Silverstein: Yes. Yes I am. And to answer your third question I have to go back to his childhood days and visit upon his daddy issues. I'm guessing his constant crying for attention is his way of gaining some sort of attention from a positive role model in the deity and/or religious community. Your feats of miracles bestowed by the Great and Almighty Yorlik onto you is attractive to former members of a certain religion based out of Rome.

James Fierce: Damned kiddie touchers.

Warwick Von Silverstein: Indeed, so I believe he's looking at you as a replacement of sorts...

James Fierce: Whoa now, The Hillbilly Assassin doesn't work that way Wally. Panda Pleaser needs to back off just a tad bit.

Warwick Von Silverstein: Agreed. That's why I've sent him one of your prize winning sals as a consolation gift from the Church of Yorlik, as the Church of Yorlik takes in many lost souls wishing to seek a Million Dollars, we unfortunately do not take in former alter boys and/or priests. They tend to make the other members uncomfortable.

James Fierce: Good rule.

Warwick Von Silverstein: A very good rule. It also helps keep out stalkers. It's a weird correlation that I wish not dive to deep into. Too many ins and outs, twists and turns, that sort of thing.

James Fierce: Sounds confusing. I like it. So much so I may be motivated to add a little more violence to the repertoire this month. More elbows to the cranium, more eye pokes, that sort of thing, sort of a tribute to the largest growing sector of the Church of the Great and Almighty Yorlik. Them Asians love them some violence for the sake of violence, and it tends to sell well on the yearly Best of DVD we put out every other third year. Its truly win-win. I get the money, adoration of an entire race, and to showcase some brutality normally reserved for that evil bastard Kilroy Evans. Panda Pleaser gets to be “opponent three” on my DVD.

Warwick Von Silverstein: “Opponent Three”, now that's an opponent worth remembering. Like opponent two from your last Best Of, now he was a gamer. He bled like a stuck pig, but he bled well.

James Fierce: Twelve. Twelve chair shots and a bicycle chain always helps... and the Great and Almighty Yorlik of course.

Warwick Von Silverstein: Of course it does.

James Fierce: But then again... what do I know?

I'm just Fierce.

[Scene fades to plowing.]

The camera opens up with CSK sitting at the airport waiting to fly out of Copenhagen and make his trip back to Palm Springs, California. Tucking away his first class ticket, several reporters come up with recorders in hand. CSK sets down his leather suitcases and adjusts his tie while tilting his sunglasses down.

First man: CSK, CSK. This is Ryan Zaske of wrestling times. Can we get a few minutes of your time. My associates Zack Ryan and I have some questions for you.

CSK: Fine but only a handful. I’d like to read the Wallstreet Journal before I leave.

Ryan: Great. First question, you surprised a lot of people returning to Seattle. After a 3 year leave of absence why would you return.

Christian: Why? Why does Derek Jeter continue to play baseball? Because I am still able to put on a five star classic and the last three years something has been eating away at me. It’s time to put it rest.

Zack: What is it that you came back for?

Christian: All in due time, let’s just say history has a lot to do with it. I will forgive but I never forget.

Zack: But why now?

Christian: Have you seen the lack of talent here? I spent years busting my ass, bleeding, ending careers and being kicked around. But the talent was supreme. It was dog eat dog here, now it’s more like a high school gymnasium company with the talent. Your stars are Kilroy Evans, Andrew Karnage, Rally Jackson, Martin excuse me, Marty Donovan James Fierce & Tarrasque. That’s it! For crying out loud this is not HKW, not the one that stands for tradition. Where are your hardcore matches at?

Ryan: That’s a pretty bold statement. Speaking of bold statements did you hear what Bobby Nowa said about you? You have potential but calling him out will get you no where.

CSK takes off his sunglasses and drops down his Wallstreet Journal before flashing that million dollar smile.

Christian: Oh yes, I heard what Robert had to say. It seems like with age he’s gone delusional. Not only did I never call him out, I stated facts. It appears he forgot what happened at Hardkore Helloween 2009. We had the chance to capture the World tag team titles, unify them with the American tag team titles against next. He dropped the ball and got pinned.

Hey a loss is a loss, we still had our titles. But rather then take the loss like a man, he had to kick me in the groin and turn his back on me. Imagine that, he gets pinned, costs us the tag team titles, and blames me?

But what he really forgot to mention was how my brothers, my best friends made their debut and took his ass out and left him laying! But no hard feelings right?

Ryan: So Bobby is the history you came back for?

Christian: Please, why waste my time on hotdogs when I can have lobster. Look, I spent a few years in a rut. Robert came to me and wanted to form an alliance. He’s a grizzled vet and I listened to him. We won gold in our first match as a team! We could’ve gone down as one of the greatest teams of all time. But he blew it. No, Robert is not the reason I came back. The fact is at one point in his career he was a star, I will give him that. Now he’s a mere afterthought. I respect him but never did I call him out.

All I have to say is Robert would be wise to stay out of my personal business. It’s not about him and it never was. He needs to walk away and walk away now. I would hate to leave him laying in a pool of blood and finish what was started in 2009. Besides he has his hands full with James Fierce. That’s not an easy task. I have beaten and bloodied Mr. Fierce from state to state, country to country and continent to continent for almost a decade. I’ve won many, he’s won many. Robert would do best to focus on James and not myself.

Zack: Just a few more questions. What are your current thoughts right now about your homecoming?

Christian: What are my thoughts? HKW was a place where boys learned to become men. Losers became winners. Winners became champions. Champions became legends. Legends became Gods and Gods became Myths. Now you have Syberus running this company into the toilet.

And what’s this idiot thinking? If your opponent no shows he picks a match to place you in? Hey dip shit, Mike Tyson doesn’t train to face Evander Holyfield and the night of the pay per view, 30 minutes before his fight, say Holyfield couldn’t make it and put in a replacement. I think Andrew Karnage dropped you on your damn head a little to hard.

You see Syberus is making a mistake. I mean you take a guy like Martin, I mean Marty Donovan, the pride and power, the locker room leader. A man who has earned respect and done it all. And you treat him like a side show attraction, a freak show, and you have him on the under card? Look, Mr. Donovan and I have had our battles over the years. But even I know he is worthy of respect! Hell you have me, making my return as your opener?

This guy should be in the main event, fighting for the World title or even against the likes of Rally Jackson. Instead he’s facing the goon squad? Then you take a guy like myself. A former 2 time West Coast champion, former American tag team champion and numerous other titles around the world.

And on one of your biggest pay per views of the year, MY RETURN and you have me facing Jackie Young? Is that any way to treat a top talent? You give me a no name jack off to make his debut against me?

Here’s the problem Syberus used to be one of us. A guy who was under rated, over looked, stepped on, pushed aside, walked all over. He fought, scratched and clawed his way to the top. Now he’s old, delusional, fat and a suit and tie. A pencil pusher. A man with no balls who hides behind the desk and makes decisions out of stupidity. There was a time he was treated much like he is treating myself and Mr. Donovan and several others.

I respected the man, hell I came back here for a tenth of what I used to get paid. I can go home and with my money and investments make more in a week then he’ll pay me over the next few years. And this is the thanks I get for giving him another star to jump on a sinking ship?

Ryan: One final question, what can we expect to see from the likes of you in the ring?

Christian: Ruthlessness, Outrage, Technical Wrestling and a fire like I have never shown before. You see if my opponent has the balls to show up to Palm Springs Punishment I will make an example out of him and his debut and snap his damn neck! THAT IS A PROMISE!

And if he doesn’t show that’s fine too. You see I refuse to take another match. I have trained for an opponent that there’s not even a video clip of. But mark my words, by the end of the night I will make a bold move. One that will shock the company and my fans. Let alone all of the haters out there.

This time around you will learn to expect the unexpected. There are five phases before I have accomplished what I came here to do. And believe me, by the end of the night I will have completed the first phase.

Ryan: Thank you for your time Christian. Can you give us a soundbite for our next audio cast?

Christian: It would be really great if you drowned in a lake
Or put a bag over your face and watched you suffocate
I'd celebrate at your wake, I'd bake myself a cake
'Cause you're my favorite person that I love to hate

And you're the reason that murder should be legalized
If it was, you'd be dead and in the ground by five
Just in case I forgot to say --
I hate you motherfuc*er in the very worst way

And I would be lying if I said that it wasn't true
I only want bad things to happen to you……..


And very soon………they will my friend!

CSK puts his sunglasses back on and walks away with his suitcases preparing to board his plane, with paper in hand.

(we open to see the compton colossus chillin in his basement. he looks around at all the past titles he has won since he started wrestling. then he looks at one empty display case that is titled hardkore world west coat title as he smiles to himself)

BRUNO: Finally after all this time I get my shot at the title I have wanted since I joined Hardkore World and thats The Hardkore World West Coast Title. For me winning that title will mean that I have earned my nick name King Of The West Coast. To me it's the title to have and that doesn't mean I'm knocking any of the other titles in Hardkore World. Hell I was The Hardkore America Heavyweight Champion until Rally stole it from me. Crazy I won the second most important title in Hardkore World before I won the third most important title. It just proves that when it comes right down to it I can win the big one.

I know that Karnage and Shootfighter are going to come into this match ready for war but the advantage I have over both of them is I'm hungry. I want to win that title so bad that it's all I can think about. Am I obsessed with winning it? Hell 2 The Yeah. That title was made for a man like me to hold and I am going to do whatever it takes to become the next Hardkore West Coast Champion. AK and Shootfighter are going to see first hand what a Colossus can do whe he wants something bad enough. I respect both men to the fullest but none of that is going to matter when that bell rings.


I've been in 2 ladder matches here in Hardkore World and both times ended with me winning gold. Am I saying that ladder matches are right up my alley? Not really all I'm saying is I haven't lost one in Hardkore World yet. This match is going to be brutal and it's going to be hardkore. None of us are going to leave this match without a lot of bumps and bruises and I'm cool with that I just hope AK and Shootfighter are to. All I know is that AK will be coming into this match The Hardkore World West Coast Champion but it will be The Compton Colossus leaving The Hardkore World West Coast Champion. This is my time to shine and theres only 3 things AK and Shootfighter can do NOTHING, LIKE IT, & ACCEPT IT.

fade out...........................

(The Shootfighter is finished working out as he prepares for his three way ladder match with Bruno and Andrew Karnage. He has a look of intensity as if something had just offended him. Angela is with him as gets up from the weight bench.)

Angela: "Another good workout Shootfighter."

(She hands him a towel and he wipes hismelf off before placing it on the weight supports.)

The Shootfighter: "As usual Angela."

Angela: "So what's on your mind as if I don't already know."

The Shootfighter: "Guess."

Angela: "Do the initials CSK qualify."

The Shootfighter: "On the mark. CSK I've been in Hardkore World for quite a while and never have I seen you around unless you were some other wrestler.
So what if Syberus is running the place. So what if Hardkore World temporarily
ceased to exist? At least the place reopened and now you can return, if you ever were hear at all, to participate."

Angela: "All he seems to enjoy is crying and whining about the management."

The Shootfighter: "He should be lucky to have a job wrestling here. However, I'm not going to concentrate on your complaining about the management. That's between you and Syberus."

Angela: "Then why keep mentioning him."

The Shootfighter: "That was the last time I would."

Angela: "Five bucks you will."

The Shootfighter: "Funny. Now Bruno I know more than anyone how much power you have when you bring it. It's like an unstoppable collossus and you do show how hungry you are. This title was your first and I know it won't be your last. Yet let's not forget that I held that West Coast Title too so I'm just as hungry to get it back as your are to get the title. So I also suspect that Andrew karnage is also going to be as hungry too. I guess that's going to be quite an interesting scenario now isn't it. All three of us are hungry for that title and we'll do everything we can short of destroying ourselves and each other to get that Hardkore West Coast Title."

(She hands him a bottle of water which he drinks and places it on the floor.)

Angela: "Like what happened in XPW with York burying you with a tron."

The Shootfighter: "It wasn't that bad an injury."

Angela: "Yeah your back and ribs didn't look too bad after they were heavily bandaged."

The Shootfighter: "I recovered didn't I."

Angela: "Yeah you did."

The Shootfighter: "Then you owe me five for thinking I wasn't fully ready for my next match after that incident."

(Angela hands him five dollars.)

The Shootfighter: "Thanks. Now karnage most of my damage is going to be inflicted on you for what you did. Now I know my sons are going to be on the card, but as I warned them before they are not to interfere with my matches and vice versa. You see you're the one who's going to see The Shootfighter is going to take back the title that was his and nobody is going to stop me not even you."

Angela: "There's the Collosus."

The Shootfighter: "I know he's a bigger threat than Karnage and I plan on making sure that I bring him down just like I plan on doing to Karnage. Bruno knows the stakes just like me and Karnage and only one individual is going to win.
I plan on being that man and I plan on being Hardkore West Coast Champion again for the second time. Nobody thinks I can do it again well they're going to see that The Shootfighter can do it again."

Angela: "Bet ten bucks on that."

The Shootfighter: "Funny Angela. Palm Springs Punishment is going to be where The Shootfighter returns to the title scene again as champion. I'll show why I'm one of the best wrestlers and competitors who ever held that Hardkore West Coast Title. So be ready, because I know you and karnage are going to be ready.
you know The Shootfighter and he's always ready for war and this is going to be no exception."

Angela: "Definitely. Now get on with your ring workout and complete your workout."

The Shootfighter: "I'm ready so let's get started."

Angela: "Let's get to it."

The Shootfighter: "Right behind you."

(They leave as the scene slowly fades to black.)