Diloforce Rp/news thing

[Sylvan]

1.The Blaze of the Desert
http://z7.invisionfree.com/GZ_RPG_Eternal_...showtopic=11432

2. Danasth (Sylvan), Emily(Emily), Jacob (Steely)
3. news - 52 Diloforce attacked and took over the colony. But the Zoids were a bit crook in the head. Add one mysterious guy who knows too much and that's the plot overview.
4. I'd like a review, since it's been like, a year and a half since my last plot-related RP. So yeah, I'm rusty. In fact it one of the very few RP's that I've started. However, I'm not sure if anyone else wants a review.

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1.The Flames of the Desert
http://z7.invisionfree.com/GZ_RPG_Eternal_...showtopic=11431

2. Danasth (Sylvan), Misaki (Amino), Aeolus(Aeolus), Jessica (Jessica)
3. news - 52 Diloforce attacked and took over the colony. But the Zoids were a bit crook in the head. Add one mysterious guy who knows too much and that's the plot overview.
4. Same as above. However, reason I post the two in this topic together, is because the two RP's are a set. They cover exactly the same time line of event, just on opposite ends of the same town. However, Danasth plays the same role in both RP's which is a bit weird, but it keeps them flowing properly. So, I'd appreciate it if a reviewer could take that into account, and give some feedback (good, bad, whatever). If that's too much work, just do the RP's separately. I don't mind. Same as before, I don't know if anyone else wants a review in this one.


Thanks in advance =D

[Jessica Starr]

I want a review! This is litterally my first finnished rp, since that unfinished OBI thing was never an rp. I need one to know if I'm good or bad!

The money is purely half of the reason I want this review. Atleast I'm honest.

[Timber Okami]

Meeeeh...

No review for me, thanks.

[Aeolus]

Uh... Yeah, hit me with a review. I wanna see how it is in roleplays as short as these.

[Emily Cirano]

Sure, I'll take one.

-glutton for punishment-

[Amino]

I'll take one too I guess. =P

[Sylvan]

*bump*
Rawr. Any raters still here

[Bryan Pandion]

I'll get it. It's gonna take me a while, though. Lots of work, 5 people. Yeah. I'll get it soon though.

[Timber Okami]

I hate to seem impatient but, uh.

It's been two weeks. Anyone wanna rate these two? D:

[Tethis Aresis]

I got it. Give me some time.

[Tethis Aresis]

Overall, guys, this is awesome. The concept is good, and the fact that you guys managed to pull of a two-thread simultaneous battle is an amazing feat. That right there wins some creativity points from me. You guys were all pretty consistent with post length and story flow, you all demonstrated some good skills with grammar and the English language in general, and there's so few things I need to pick on I am so content right now.

You will be getting your score as a group. Now for some individual things!

Sylv: In terms of your story, it's good. You were consistent throughout both threads, which is a hard thing to pull off, and there were a few random letters chucked in places like 'sCPC' but other than that... you've done well! I'd say just in general to proofread things quickly. Nothing major, since by the looks of things you've got it covered otherwise. Skim-read should do it.

Cerby: Considering all the stuff I've read and graded for you was ages in the past, reading this is like a godsend. Your RPing quality has improved so dramatically since then it's not funny. You and Steely provide a little more of a light-hearted element to this whole thing, which is good, and your post length is surprisingly consistent.

Jess: My main comment to you is to proofread heavily. You have the tendency to change tenses very often during your posts and that left me going 'okay, what the heck is going on' a couple times. Proofread and pick your tense, then stick with it the whole post. You use past tense a lot, so stay with that, because you occasionally flick to present tense randomly. There are some spelling errors and such with it, so run through your posts and we're good otherwise.

Aeolus: This is the first time I've read your writing and I must say I'm pretty impressed. It's high-quality work and there's not much I can say about it, but I will make a comment on controlling other peoples' plot elements, as was mentioned in the story. While not a direct writing thing, it's a story thing, and what you did really does amount to godmoding. Try to avoid it, then that combined with your post quality, you'll be a stellar RPer.

Amino: Try to be a little more consistent on the post length to set your own standard; sometimes I'm not sure where you're going with things, either. You have a tendency that I occasionally have also and leave things really vague with your posts, but I can see that you're trying to be more direct with the really short posts. The vagueness can be fixed, believe me.

Now, I'm going to give you your rubric and overall score.

[Mechanics] ***

[Originality] ****

[Flow] ***

[Transitions] **

[Cooperation] ***

[Believability] ***

[Reader Entertainment] ****

[Bonus]
- 10k Bonus to Sylvan: Multiple thread management done successfully. It's not an easy feat to be consistent over two threads and it deserves some kudos.

[Final Score] 110,000 G for everyone but Sylv who gets 120,000 G.

[Sylvan]

just fyi, sCPC is small charged particle cannon. cos' the Diloforce don't have a full CPC.

[Tethis Aresis]

Oh! Well, there you go. That wasn't the only one, just the one in my mind, but that makes sense. xD

[Timber Okami]

Alright, so... technically Tethis graded two RPs.

And since I wasn't in the second one, I can approve that rating. +50k for Tethy, per the temporary flat rate.

But I can't approve for the one I was in, so... if another rater wants to take a look at this and give the second RP the stamp, then that'd be awesome.

Please? D:

[Emily Cirano]

SOMEONE COME STAMP THIS THING PLZ FOR SRS.

I WANT MY MONEY SO I CAN BUY THIS AWESOME 'NOID OF MINE 'K.

[Bryan Pandion]

Oh, hey, I can do that now, can't I?

*Approved*

Sorry everything took so long, guys.