VH1's Most Awesomely Bad Metal Songs

[estragand]

In theory, the "most awesomely bad metal song" is one that we've never heard. Which is why "I wanna Be with You" by Pretty Boy Floyd is a contender. Like most of the trendy "best thing ever" list, these are up for debate. But I can't argue with this show's top 2 picks: Warrant's "Cherry Pie" and Europe's "Final Countdown". Man, those are awful. And it's hilarous that "Final Countdown" is STILL played at NBA and NHL games. "Whoa..home team down by 3 with 20 second to play?! Break out the Europe CD man!!"

Before you argue "these two aren't metal", I'd suggest you fire up the cosmic treadmill to the time they came out (1986 and 1990). Back then, YES, both of these songs were considered "metal"...aired on HeadBanger's Ball and played on Metal Shop. Not all of the audience LIKED these tunes, but they were bunched in there.

Anyways...I'm searching for the exact list to no avail. The show itself is entertaining and made me laugh quite often. Like most of VH1's pop culture feedback shows, the guests supplying commentary aren't exactly authorities on hard rock or metal. I dig Reno 911...but should Officer Garcia be judging metal tunes? VH1's formula was "1- get unknown celebrity to watch video and make fun of it". So of course, it's easy to rip an old Whitesnake video. Alot of the comments are "this isn't metal...metal is about satan, fire and screwing chics". (Well, I contend that most Deicide tunes covered those topics and were, in fact, awesomely bad). Anthrax's Scott Ian returns to suck VH1's teet, but supplies some of the most relevant comments. He even defends Danzig and Whitesnake. Wrestler Chris Jericho is on hand with some relevant remarks as well. But a buncha' nerds in their 30's and 40's talking about metal? (Hey, waitasec.... that sounds like...ES!)

Dumbest comment had to be one about Gene Simmons during KISS's "Forever" (the #3 most awesomely bad tune). "What does Gene know about commitment?!" Stupid, considering that Gene has two kids and has been with the same woman since the mid 80's (Shannon Tweed). Although the two "explore", liberally.

Other entrants include: Helix, Manowar, Grim Reaper, Winger, Stryper and Dokken. Accept's "Balls to the Wall" is the only objection I have. Pretty much an anthem when it came out in 1983, but now considered "Funny" because it has the homosexual Udo Dirschscheider talking about "balls". Umm, you were SURPRISED when you found out Udo was gay?! The singer's sexual orientation isn't the issue and a terrible attempt at humor. Same thing for Judas Priest's "Turbo Lover" entrant. "Turbo Lover" is all synth, but I remember a gal I knew who insisted "it's a great song to FUCK to". Hey, if a metal song makes a gal horny...isn't it partly succesful? Even metal "heavyweights" Motley Crue get skewered for their awful "Without You" tune. ES Favorite Iron Maiden gets hammered for their ridiculous "Bring Your Daughter..to the Slaughter". Still can't believe Maiden continued to play that as a crowd sing-along for most of their tour.

My other objection would be the lack of Metallica songs. "Enter Sandman" gets a mention on lyrics alone. "Until it Sleeps" could easily land up this list.

I hope to copy/paste the list when it's published, soon.

Worth your time if you're a metal fan, but avoid if your only exposure to "metal" involves jokes about mullets and spandex.

Vh1's Most Awesomely Bad Metal Songs

[Darryl The Hitman]

What's wrong with "the Final Countdown"? I think it's a great song.