Why women are superior.

[Duke]

They got off the Titanic first.
They can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
When they buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.
Men's clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women's clothes.
Women can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
Women have never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
Taxi's stop for them.
Men die earlier, so women get to cash in on the life insurance.
Women don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
Women know the Truth about whether or not size matters.
If they're not making enough money they can blame it on the glass ceiling.
Women can live their whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
No fashion faux pas women make could ever rival the male's Speedo.
They don't have to fart to amuse themselves.
Women never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.

[scpg2]

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 pennies to play with to keep him occupied.

Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.

The boy coughs up 2 of the pennies, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at the bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, 'I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?'

'No,' the woman replied. 'Divorce lawyer'

[scpg2]

One for the ladies

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

[scpg2]

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:

'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'

Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs

and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours,

having almost drowned twice..

After witnessing that, the second man prayed:

'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'

Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs

and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:

'God,please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river'

Poof! .. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map,

hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

[Duke]

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending On where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example- If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged And masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, She tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth... And a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.